Papa John's, Reviewed

This week, John Schnatter—better known to most Americans by his stage name, Papa John—made an audacious claim: that Papa John’s, which has recently seen its sales falling, has experienced the declines because of its relationship with the National Football League. Player protests, Papa John suggested, have inspired “negative consumer sentiment” against the league—and, as a result, against the pizza pies that are officially associated with it.

But: Could there be a simpler explanation for the changing financial fortunes of this purveyor of mediocre pizza? Could it be, rather—Papa’s razor—that Papa John’s, even by the relatively low standards of the national-chain-store pizzastuff*, is simply not very good? Could it be that, instead of “Better Ingredients. Better Pizza,” customers seeking a quick pizza fix now simply have “Better Options”?

Since we at are committed to the exploration of the American idea, and since there are few things more American than carbohydrates piled