Men's Health

Her Power, Your Pleasure

■ Thirteen years ago, I was newly divorced and lonely, working days as a singer at Disneyland and spending nights with men from Craigslist. One time, I drove to a stranger’s house expecting a one-night stand. I wound up having my first experience with a “dominant.” I sought more information about BDSM (role-playing, bondage, domination, and submission), first from books and then by making friends in the BDSM community. And through becoming a professional submissive, I learned about safety and graduated to dominatrix, or “domme.”

Today, as reports of abuse and harassment emerge in the #MeToo movement, I realize BDSM taught me vital skills: how to communicate desires, and how to better read and understand the giving or withholding of consent. Some news stories—like the one about the New York attorney general who

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