Green eyes

Morning had barely broken and I was nursing my three-month-old. Or rather, I was trying to, but he kept spitting up. His face was a patchwork of blotches and his tiny frame was jerking violently. His screams were so loud that my two-year-old woke up. I glanced at the TV and saw an old school friend presenting the news. She looked professional, confident and glamorous. I felt my chest tighten, my eyes well up and nausea in the pit of my stomach. Quietly, I began to cry.

I felt many things that morning four years ago: shame, resentment, anger, frustration, regret, self-loathing and despair… but they all stemmed from the same emotion – envy.

I want what she’s having

Unlike jealousy, which occurs when something we have – usually a relationship – is threatened by a third person, envy is about wanting a thing or quality

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