The Open Relationship Handbook: Basic Tips and Tools for Navigating Non-Monogamy
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About this ebook
Have you been thinking about polyamory as a lifestyle, but don’t know how where to start?
Have you recently started dating someone you are very interested in, only to hear them say “I’m not interested in a monogamous relationship,” and you don’t know what to make of it?
If so, this book is for you. The Open Relationships Handbook is an introduction to the most common types of open relationships: swinging, non-monogamy, and polyamory. In this book, we’ll cover definitions, important questions, and things to keep in mind in deciding what shape your love life will take, and how to negotiate changes with your partner.
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Book preview
The Open Relationship Handbook - Kate L Stewart, MA LMHC
Resources:
Chapter One
Varieties of Open Relationships and commonly used terms
If you are new to the idea of non-monogamous relationships, read through the varieties of open relationships carefully. Be sure to spend time thinking about what feels best, or most right, for you. It’s not always the case that you will know immediately which type of relationship you would like long-term, sometimes people feel more jealousy than expected when breaking into a new relationship style with their partner, and have to reassess needs and wants at several different points in the process.
History of open relationships and why.
Why open relationships? Increasingly, we are seeing American culture, if not world-wide culture, become more liberal. For example, fifty years ago being gay was unacceptable. Recently, in my state of Washington, gay marriage was legalized by public vote. Gay people are now prominent in media and politics. Even though homosexuality is not universally accepted, homophobia is not tolerated in most public settings.
The idea of open relationships is not new. It could be argued that people in many places around the planet have been engaged in some form of open relationships for centuries, but polyamory and open relationships, at least in the current form we are seeing in popular culture, are less than a hundred years old.
In my work with clients from the open relationship community, I’ve heard many people say that they feel that they were not built to be monogamous. Once they heard the term polyamory,
or even just the concept of open relationships, they felt that they’d finally have found their community. Some even say that they felt they were broken, or that there was something wrong with them, until they came across the idea of non-monogamy.
Among experts there’s some controversy about the origins of monogamy in the human race. Some historians believe that our species only became monogamous with the development of domesticated crops and land ownership. Several types of evidence suggest our pre-agricultural (pre-historic) ancestors lived in groups where most mature individuals would have several ongoing sexual relationships at any given time. Though often casual, these relationships were not random or meaningless. Quite the opposite, they reinforced crucial social ties holding these highly interdependent communities together,
(Ryan and Jethra,