Questions You Can't Ask Your Mama About Sex
By Craig Gross
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About this ebook
This is not your typical birds-and-the bees discussion. Inside this book is an exploration of the real questions you have about sex and your sexuality—all the ones you’re too afraid to ask out loud (especially to your parents. Shudder.). Drawn from actual questions and with totally honest answers about what is and isn’t okay to look at, think about, and do, this book breaks down what God really has to say about keeping your clothes on.
Let’s face it, the sex talk you got and the messages you hear at church aren’t always that helpful when it comes to what is really going through your mind (or bothering you elsewhere) in real life. And asking those questions is not exactly easy when you want a real answer instead of, “You’ll go blind.” But in these pages, no topic is off-limits, and the answers you’ll see are a real discussion of what you want to know (and exactly what the Bible does and does not say on the topic), or even what it means if you’ve already experimented. From pre-marital sex to masturbation to the temptations of porn and what it means to be a technical virgin—and questions about homosexuality—Questions You Can’t Ask Your Mama About Sex is a go-to handbook for the things you need to know but don’t want to ask out loud.
Questions You Can’t Ask Your Mama About Sex:
- comes from authors with decades of experience on the topics of relationships and sex, who have been featured on The TODAY Show, Good Morning America, The Daily Show, Anderson Cooper 360, as well as in The New York Times and Buzzfeed
- uses a straight-forward approach to answer over 50 questions teens have asked
- goes beyond “how far is too far?” to look at the nuances and real things you wonder about and face—done though straight-forward and honest discussion
Craig Gross
Craig Gross founded Fireproof Ministries and XXXchurch.com and is the author of several books, including The Dirty Little Secret and Questions You Can't Ask Your Mama about Sex. He currently lives in Pasadena with his wife, Jeanette, and two kids, Nolan and Elise.
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Questions You Can't Ask Your Mama About Sex - Craig Gross
Introduction
Breaking the Silence
Sex. The very mention of the word in Christian circles causes ears to balloon like satellite dishes. Announce that this week’s sermon will address a sexual topic and a pastor can be sure the pews will be filled Sunday morning. Yet there are very few, if any, churches who are willing to deal with sexuality beyond the typical youth pastor’s urging young people to save it for marriage.
Trust us, we know. Before we founded XXXchurch, each of us worked in local youth ministries. We knew our youth were struggling with everything from dating purity to Internet porn. Yet we had no idea how to address these issues without offending someone or having some naïve parent jump all over us because they desperately believed their daughter or son was immune to such fi lth.
Sex issues for teenagers have become the dirty little secret that nobody wants to talk about.
The results of the church’s silence are astounding. You can look around any high school or shopping mall and see the results of the sexual revolution. Scantily dressed young people fl aunt their bodies, advertising that they are available.
And most of the time, it’s not on purpose. It is the result of confusion. Entertainment and pop culture have exposed them to too much, too soon, for too long.
Teenagers have many questions about sex, and they often have no idea where to turn for answers. Those who are already in sexually difficult places don’t know where to get help or how to find freedom. Teenage pregnancies, porn, and promiscuity have produced pain in the lives of many teenagers. Fast forward a few years and these same young people can find it nearly impossible to establish a healthy long-term relationship.
Today, one out of every two marriages ends in divorce. According to Janet E. Smith, author of The Christian View of Sex:A Time for Apologetics, Not Apologies, six out of ten teenagers are sexually active. She writes:
The millions of abortions over the last decade and the phenomenal spread of AIDS indicate that our society has serious problems with sexuality. In the last generation, the incidence of sexual activity outside of marriage—with all of its attendant problems—has doubled and tripled—or worse. We have no particular reason to believe we have seen the peak of the growth in sex-related problems.
When we founded XXXchurch several years ago, our goal was to create a place of honest dialogue and support for Christians who struggle with issues related to pornography and sexual addiction. We wanted to offer help to Christians and non-Christians in an area of sexuality where the church has long been silent. But as the outreach has developed, we have received hundreds of questions not only about porn, but also about virtually every possible issue related to sexuality. And many of these came from teenagers who are desperate to find anyone who will give them straightforward answers to their questions about sex.
This book is our attempt to compile some of the questions and answers that are most relevant to youth who are seeking to live out their Christian faith. Since our Web site and ministry has focused a great deal on pornography and sexual addictions, you’ll find those topics covered here. But this is not a book focused on porn. It’s an attempt to stand with young people in their struggle for wholeness and sexual purity and to give them frank, Christian answers to the very real questions they are asking about sexuality and their faith.
We understand it can be incredibly embarrassing for teenagers to ask questions about sex. Often they are made to feel that if they do ask a question, they may be judged for its content. And all the pressure surrounding sex doesn’t make talking about it any easier; it only brings a distorted attitude toward sexuality.
This is our attempt to help churches address the issue by addressing it for them. The book is a collaborative project, but most of the questions were originally answered by one of us. Since we think that personal connection is important, we tried to maintain the conversational tone in this book.
We hope young people will find this to be a valuable book that gives them answers to the questions they may be too afraid to ask and encourages them to accept God’s invitation to a pure lifestyle that is completely devoted to him.
Chapter 1
Sex And You
Freedom, frustration, and foreplay
How far is too far
sexually when you are not married?
Well, this is the big question for many young people, so it’s probably a good starting point. The simple fact is that God does not map out word for word in the Bible what is and is not okay. It sure would be nice if he did.
But the Bible does give us a lot of guidance regarding the age-old question of How far is too far?
Repeatedly the Bible says not to be sexually immoral. The Bible does not say just to avoid the act of sexual intercourse outside of marriage, but to avoid sexual immorality. In other words, God wants us to be sexually pure.
So sex is more than just intercourse?
The definition of sex needs to be widened to consider more than just intercourse. There are many sexual acts that are not intercourse. Is the action done to cause arousal? If so, it’s sexual.
It is hard to be sexually pure in mind and body if you are constantly pushing the limits of what is, or is not, okay. When you push the physical or sexual boundaries when you’re dating, it can be like a drug. What was exciting at first starts to seem less exciting—so you move on to the next level because you want to feel the next high.
Why is reserving sex for marriage so important?
Sexual intimacy binds people together physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Each of these three elements is distinct from the others, yet they are dependent on one another at the same time. Sex is a beautiful mystery and a blessing when it is handled appropriately, and it is completely destructive when it is not.
Sex is the most physically intimate action you can participate in with another person. And the steps leading up to intercourse—from holding hands, to hugging and kissing, to touching another person’s naked body—are all part of it. The level of intimacy that takes place in all physical actions leading up to and including sex binds those two people together physically, emotionally, and spiritually.