Sucka Free Love!

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What Others are Saying About Sucka Free Love!

Relationship advice expert Deborrah Cooper, better known by the pen name Ms. HeartBeat, presents Sucka Free Love!: How to Avoid Dating The Dumb, The Deceitful, The Dastardly, The Dysfunctional and The Deranged, a casual, tell-it-like-it-is advice for dating and relationships in the modern world. Sucka Free Love! is expressly for male as well as female readers - men can be suckas in the dating world too! Enthusiastically recommended, and a solid, fun and easy-to-read primer for anyone ready to enter the Dating Zone.

--- Midwest Book Review

A humorous, yet no-nonsense primer on dating definitely designed with the concerns of the MySpace Generation in mind.

---Kam Williams, Literary and Entertainment Reviewer

…a hilarious guide to helping people deal with deadbeat relationships, denial issues, as well as sex and commitment woes. The Q & A will have you rolling on the floor from laughing at the outrageous questions as well as the abrupt responses. This book is filled with questions from people all over the world who are looking for answers to questions that many of us want to ask but are too embarrassed to say out loud. Ms. Cooper included comments from all ages, races and sexuality. I could not put this book down. I recommend this book to readers of all genres who are looking for answers to THE question but are too afraid to ask.

---Cheryl Hayes, APOOO Book Club

…a hilarious book full of smart advice. My husband picked it up and couldn't stop reading and laughing - and he never reads self-help books. If you only read one book of dating advice this year, make it Sucka Free Love. Even if you don't normally read books about dating, read this one just for fun!

--- Diana Landen (Bookaholic)

Ms. Heartbeat's responses are not for the feint of heart. You will undoubtedly bowl over with laughter and widen your eyes in disbelief at some of the idiotic situations that folks write about. You can be assured that no innocent soul is spared from a hilarious but direct response from Ms. Heartbeat. Without a doubt, if you pick up a copy of this book, you will find it a truly enjoyable read.

-- Priscilla Branch, Freelance Reviewer

I'm not the kind of guy who normally reads self-help books, but when a friend asked me to give her my opinion of it I decided to check it out. I'm glad I did. This book is hilariously funny and entertaining while also being highly instructive in how to avoid or deal with everything from gold diggers to child molesters to stalkers..

---Jon E. Hutcherson

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Sucka Free Love!

How to Avoid Dating The Dumb, The Deceitful,

The Dastardly, The Dysfunctional, and

The Deranged

Smashwords Edition

By Deborrah Cooper

Thank you for downloading this Ebook. You have purchased a license for your personal enjoyment only. This book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this work with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting and supporting this author’s hard work.

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Copyrights

Sucka Free Love! How to Avoid Dating The Dumb, The Deceitful, The Dastardly, The Dysfunctional and The Deranged – A Guide for Singles. Paperback Copyright 2007 by Deborrah Cooper; EBook Copyright 2012. All rights reserved. This book is also available in print through online retailers.

No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. Visit our website and submit your request online at www.suckafreelove.com.or www.askheartbeat.com

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Dedicated to the men and women who taught me the most about relationships, by sharing their own heartbreaking experiences. I hope the information within these pages guides you to a better understanding of romantic relationships and that you make choices which honor the love you have to give.

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Acknowledgement

A heartfelt thank you to The Universe for granting my request to provide me with the words I needed to communicate this powerful message to the world.

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Table of Contents

Preface

Chapter One

Which Came First, the Chicken Head or the Egg?

High maintenance gold diggers and opportunistic users will stick around,

but only as long as there are perceived benefits.

Chapter Two

I Hate Myself, But I Love You

Insecurity, over giving, and low self-esteem wreck havoc in intimate relationships.

Loving others more than you love yourself results in desperate attachment and

an inability to recognize disrespectful treatment or toxic relationships.

Chapter Three

I’ll Call You! I Love you! Let’s Hang Out!

The many lies we tell and hear about availability, interest, sex and

commitment when dating. Yet, sometimes there are valid reasons our dates

don’t tell us the 100% truth.

Chapter Four

Leopard’s Don’t Change Their Spots

Situations and people are what they are. Expecting your partner

to change is unrealistic and always ends in disappointment. The ability to love

and accept your mate exactly the way he or she comes is crucial.

Chapter Five

Drama Here, Drama There, Stupid Drama Everywhere!

Opposing viewpoints, lifestyles and belief systems are the catalyst for explosive

and dramatic interaction. A look at the games and manipulative tactics used by

unscrupulous singles and creeping married folks.

Chapter Six

The WTF Files

Real life experiences are often scarier than any sci-fi or monster flick.

Hard lessons learned as a result of making some really dumb choices.

What WERE these people thinking?

Chapter Seven

If Love is the Answer, Could You Rephrase the Question?

Can’t get this dating thing right, no matter how hard you try?

An examination of what may be preventing you from finding the commitment and

love you claim to want. And just how much of what you want is actually what you need?

Conclusion

Closing comments on sexships vs. relationships, making smarter choices,

eliminating emotional barriers and loving sucka free for the rest of your life.

Special Bonus: 10 Rules for Sucka Free Dating!

About the Author

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Preface

We’ve all had relationships that started off with heat and passion and ended in confusion, rejection and hurt. We’ve all loved people who didn’t love us back, didn’t treat us well, and lied to us. We’ve all had lovers whom we thought were one way, who later proved to be completely different. And we’ve all wondered how to put that pain behind us, learn from our mistakes, and move forward. This book has some answers!

Over the past 18 years I’ve observed amazing changes in our society. Vast advances in technology catapulted the Internet from an unknown scientific/academic tool, to one spanning generations and being used in almost every household in the nation. Sadly, though we live in the Information Age, and can send emails and text messages around the world within seconds, our interpersonal relationships and communication skills have not kept pace. Connecting with other humans in a heartfelt manner; which promotes mutual respect, love, and commitment, is a skill we seem to be losing.

This book contains more than 200 real-life examples of dating and relationship dilemmas. In my 18 years of providing online relationship counseling, and admittedly on occasion in my own life, there were times when I was too close to a problem to view it objectively, just as these men and women were.

Each of these letters was submitted to the Ask HeartBeat™ column by an actual person seeking my advice. These letters were selected for publication to allow you the opportunity to recognize mistakes, misperceptions and miscommunications that you may have experienced yourself. Reading through, you’ll find that some of the situations presented will make you cringe with embarrassment, feel frustrated, angry, or laugh out loud. For some you’ll feel empathy, and for others sympathy. One thing that is certain though… you’ll be totally entertained!

I hope that this book provides you with the solutions you seek to improve your current or future relationships. Use it to substitute for the frank parent-child talks on dating, love, sex and relationships that you perhaps never had. Refer to it often as you negotiate through the maze of modern dating practices to arrive at a fulfilling conclusion.

Now turn the page and get started learning what Sucka Free Love is all about.

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Chapter One

Which Came First…

The Chicken Head or the Egg?

After their fingers get burnt, most folks get the idea pretty quickly that it’s not a smart idea to play with fire! Intelligent people stop behaving in the manner which brought them the pain of scorched fingers and the associated problems. Most people learn from their mistakes and move on to find a less risky method of getting what they want, because for them, playing with fire doesn’t work.

Yet there are folks insist that there has to be a way to dance in the flames and not get burned. Dating chicken heads is not like playing with fire; they’re more like molten lava… just like they slowly roll over your heart and leave nothing but ashes in their wake.

For those that aren’t familiar with the term, the generally accepted definition of a chicken head, is an unintelligent, materialistic and shallow female. She may be as young as 16 or as old as 60; of any race, and any socioeconomic level. A chicken head lacks morals, and she may have no qualms about sleeping with her best friend’s boyfriend or husband. She may even do the pursuing, because she’s heard so many great things about your man!

Chicken heads are well-known for negative behavior, and the stress, trauma and headaches they cause in all of their relationships. You can predict their drama with amazing accuracy because they never change their M.O. Though the definition of a chicken head is generally applied to females, in this chapter I will apply the term to the behaviors of both genders.

Chicken heads tend to be assertive takers. Their romantic partners often describe them as beautiful, hot, fine, sexy, handsome, etc. They may be all of those things or not, but chicken heads are definitely selfish. While they keep their money to spend on themselves, they set you up to spend yours. Favored tactics are the indirect approaches… the woe is me sympathy ploy (oh I don’t know how I am going to pay to get my brakes done or pay my gas bill), fear and intimidation (well if you don’t do it for me I know someone that will!), or sugar sweet charm (aw baby, you know I love you, right?).

Chicken heads purposefully seek out people to use for their resources. You will notice that such an individual pays an inordinate amount of attention to what you own, where you live, what you drive, what you wear, and what you do for a living. They intention ally align themselves with people they feel may be useful in some way… people who will meet their needs for free sex, entertainment, shelter, drugs, etc. Sometimes you are chosen just so the chicken head can be seen with someone they think can help them meet the right people, simply meaning people with more money and resources than you have.

In the letters which follow, you’ll see real life examples of the ploys and tactics used by self-centered chicken heads whose goal is to get your love, devotion, money, and house keys, while you get little to nothing in return.

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Dear Ms. HeartBeat:

I’m in some strange kind of no-man’s land. I’ve come to realize that I will never be more than just a friend to this beautiful woman, and that I need to move on. Still, I’m reluctant to just say no whenever she asks for help, even though I no longer have the time nor the resources to do so (and see other women at the same time). In the past I’ve done things for her (not including sex) that would more properly be jobs for a boyfriend or husband. Is there a decent and honorable way to exit this relationship? Aidez-moi, s’il vous plait! -- MALE, 38, TIRED AND SLEEPLESS IN QUEBEC

Dear Tired and Sleepy:

I am going to tell you the same thing I would tell a woman. Stop! She knows you want more, and you both know she is not going to give it to you. Doing favors for her under the circumstances means you are allowing yourself to be used.

I appreciate your sense of gentlemanly honor and sense of decency, but you must be a bit more hard core with this chick. So when she calls asking for things, tell her that you don’t have the time right now because you are busy getting ready for a date. Go on and on about how great the new woman is, how beautiful, how sweet, how smart. Tell her that you can no longer do the things you did before because you are seeking a woman to appreciate your support and not use your kindness as a convenience.

Don’t worry about hurting her feelings, because they need to be hurt. People that are not decent and honorable themselves should have no expectation of decent and honorable treatment by others. Au revoir et la bonne chance!

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:

I’ve had an off-again, on-again thing with a beautiful woman for the past four years. She will ask me to drive 30 miles to take her to the store and when we get back to her house she says she is sleepy, and sends me home. The only sex we have ever had is me performing oral on her, at which point there is always an excuse to stop before it goes any further. She has even called from work to ask me ask me if I wanted a date, then when I said yes, she told me to bring $350.00. She has never given me anything or even wished me a Happy Birthday in four years. But she tells me that she wants to settle down, and that I am the only man she has ever considered marrying, even though I have never asked her.

I have never mistreated this woman, yet she constantly lies and cheats. When I break up with her, she says she’ll change, and asks me to take her back. She has a 5 year old that I adore like my own which complicates things. I can’t see her daughter without seeing her. What should I do? --MALE, 34, GOING IN CIRCLES IN SAN JOSE

Dear Circle Goer:

Dang dude! Her stuff is not gold plated, ya know?! Just because she may look like some fantasy woman you imagine yourself with, her behavior and attitude is one of a straight chicken head. The best thing for you to do is put that gold digging user out like the trash she is. Find yourself a woman with some sense and have a daughter of your own to love.

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:

My boyfriend of two years spends 4 or 5 days per week at my house. He eats, sleeps, showers, watches pay per view movies on television and washes his clothes here (actually I wash and fold his clothes). I am a single parent with a mortgage and car payment. Do you think it would be okay to ask him to help me out with a bill or groceries every once in awhile?

He takes me out of town for a nice weekend two hours away at least once a month. I try to help out with money by paying for a meal, tickets to a movie, drinks when we go out or something small. He does some times buy a little bit of groceries, but those are normally just items he is going to use to make a special meal.

I tell him that I only have so much money until my next paycheck, but he doesn’t offer to purchase food or help out. He just tells me to stop spending! I feel that if he spends all this time at my home using my detergent, cable, soap, utilities, and food, he should put in more than just a weekend, pizza or burgers here and there. --FEMALE, 33 GOT LOVIN’ BUT NEED MONEY!

Dear Got Lovin’:

Not only is it not wrong, you should have demanded that this chicken head contribute a fair share to the household a long time ago. Don’t hint around about him helping you or struggling until your next payday, tell him that you need blank amount today for groceries, laundry soap, bleach and toilet tissue.

Taking you out is something he SHOULD be doing anyway since he is your man and all, just like you SHOULD contribute financially to your joint entertainment. Neither of those behaviors cancels out this uneven consumption of your household resources.

You are being entirely too passive. Girl, if he officially lived there his butt would be paying at least half of everything, so you need to figure out the fair value of everything he consumes and tell him that is his share. Don’t feel guilty about it either! Think about your increased expenses and what your baby is missing out on because a grown man eats up all your food, drinks up all the juice, and runs up your all your utility bills without a care in the world.

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:

I dated a woman for almost 4 years while in college. Before she left, she became pregnant with another man’s child. She claimed she slept with him for money when I was broke. She aborted that child, but I was left bitter and upset.

I also found out she would see her ex-boyfriend out of loneliness and fear of abandonment when I left her alone for any period of time. Over time I missed her and we reconnected. Unfortunately, she became pregnant again, doesn’t know who the father is and is keeping the child!

She says she is sorry and wants me to accept the child and the situation, which I can’t do. I haven’t gotten over her, and it’s difficult for me to put my heart into a new relationship. I still love her and wish none of this had happened. --MALE, 26, DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO

Dear Don’t Know:

The phrase you can’t turn a ‘ho into a housewife comes to mind. You are hoping a trifling, sleep around woman with a whore mentality will settle down to become a devoted wife. WAKE UP! The only reason this chicken head is trying to make a come-back is because she needs financial and other assistance with the baby, and is looking for you to assume that responsibility! Tell her that she needs to figure out which one of her studs is the father, and get HIM to take care of her child’s needs.

Wishing this hadn’t happened is not going to make it so. Your reality is that you are in love with a low-class, no count woman, pregnant for the second time by some other man. Now I have to go homie, cause I need to get busy singing Yous a Ho along with Ludacris. This song musta been written for girlfriend! You doin’ ho activities… wit ho tendencies…

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:

Awhile back I had an affair with a married man. I want to know why we’ve become complete strangers. He completely ignores me when we see each other. He wouldn’t even look at me or say hello. He recently found out I am seriously dating someone. He kept staring at us the last time he saw us out together… his eyes were on us the whole time.

I know it was wrong to get involved with a married man and that I shouldn’t even be thinking about him. But for the sake of my curiosity, can you tell me what you think is on his mind now that he has seen me with someone else? Could there be a feeling of jealousy? I want to know what he’s thinking and how he sees me. A friend of mine said he looked sad that night. Is this possible? --FEMALE, 25, CURIOUS ABOUT HIM

Dear Curious:

Why do you think some other woman’s husband should be happy to see you out in public? You do nothing but remind him of how low down and trifling he is! I would ignore you too! Get over yourself. You are not that important.

As far as him looking sad goes he was thinking this: "Wow, I really messed up my marriage and hurt my wife. What kind of man am I? A dickwad asshat, that’s what. Hmm look at her. Too bad she is with someone else now, she still looks hot! I wonder how long it would take me to talk my way back into those panties? Yeah, the little freak. That loser she’s with would probably dump her if he knew she was that nasty.

I should go ask him if it’s still as good as it was when I was hittin’ it!… Naw, just let it go, man. There are plenty more fish in the sea. Lots of chicken heads out there that don’t mind messing with a married man, some of them prefer it! But what an inconvenience to have to go find me one. Sigh." That is what he was thinking.

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:

I have been seeing a 26 year old woman for 2 years. I feel like I’m the one always trying to make this relationship work, making the effort. We split up twice and on both occasions she quickly met another guy and started a sexual relationship without telling me. She soon realized they were not for her and came running back. She has broken trust several times by telling me lies.

For instance I found her cell phone bill with 43 calls to her ex in 1 month! She admitted meeting him behind my back and doing cocaine with him. I would look for things and found an email that she had sent to an old friend describing an erotic dream she had of him, in great detail. She also admits to feeling sad when her ex calls her. Do I love too much or am I stupid? --MALE, 30, MAN WHO LOVES TOO MUCH

Dear Man Who Loves to be Stupid:

I vote for the latter. Dude, you have every sign in the world that this is nothing but a straight chicken head, there with you when it’s convenient, and gone when it’s not. I don’t know what other information you would need to make the determination that she is a fool. I made that call within six seconds!

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:

What are some things we men can do to make a woman attracted to us? Because