Crank
4/5
()
About this ebook
Life was good
before I
met
the monster.
After,
life
was great,
At
least
for a little while.
Kristina Snow is the perfect daughter: gifted high school junior, quiet, never any trouble.
Then, Kristina meets the monster: crank. And what begins as a wild, ecstatic ride turns into a struggle through hell for her mind, her soul—her life.
Ellen Hopkins
Ellen Hopkins is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of numerous young adult novels, as well as the adult novels such as Triangles, Collateral, and Love Lies Beneath. She lives with her family in Carson City, Nevada, where she has founded Ventana Sierra, a nonprofit youth housing and resource initiative. Follow her on Twitter at @EllenHopkinsLit.
Read more from Ellen Hopkins
Glass Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Triangles: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Impulse Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Burned Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Love Lies Beneath: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A Sin Such as This: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5People Kill People Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The You I've Never Known Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Life Inside My Mind: 31 Authors Share Their Personal Struggles Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Behind the Song Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5
Related to Crank
Related ebooks
Smoke Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Fallout Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Tricks Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Traffick Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Identical Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Perfect Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Tilt Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Rumble Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Collateral: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The You I've Never Known Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5People Kill People Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A Sin Such as This: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Go Ask Alice Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Breaking Bailey Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Jay's Journal Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Lucy in the Sky Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Calling Maggie May Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Book of David Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Tweak: Growing Up on Methamphetamines Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Dancing with Molly Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Opiate Jane Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Tweaked Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Letting Ana Go Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Such a Pretty Girl Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Leftovers Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Tweaked: A Crystal Meth Memoir Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Street Pharm Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Clean Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5ttyl - 10th Anniversary update and reissue Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5What My Mother Doesn't Know Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Reviews for Crank
1,391 ratings139 reviews
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I can only recommend this with reservations. Some high school students will love this book, but the content is hard to read. The drug use and teenage sex (rape) is difficult content to read.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
I'm not sure why i waited so long to read this one. I love novels written in verse. I couldn't relate to Kristina or any of the characters, but I was sucked into the story and almost felt as though I was flying right along with them. I learned to hate Brenden, love Chase; especially at the end. For a college bound kid, he really stepped up to the plate even after he found out it wasn't his place to. The ending was very abrupt and I can't wait to start the next book to find out what happens. - Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5An interesting exercise in poetry and the subject matter of drugs is eye-opening to adults and teens alike.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This book was absolutely amazing. It's a classic, its the type of book that you can read several times and fall in love with it completely all over again. From the first time I read it, it captivated me. It takes you into this innocent girls life who plays with the monster and lets it consume her. Ellen Hopkins is an absolute genius, she incorporates poetry and imagery into these books in a way that is indescribable. Truly I recommend this book to anyone, somehow we can all relate to it.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Crank is the harrowing tale of Kristina's, aka Bree's, introduction to, and subsequent battles with, "the monster", aka crystal meth. I particularly liked the comparison of before and after the monster. In the "before" passage, the words are ordered in a diagonal slant across the page. "After" the monster, or in the midst of the monster, the words are scattered on the page. This style shows rather than just tells the difference in thought process and life style on an off of meth.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5this book is a great book..... even parents will like it. it shows how drugs and things are bad for you
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The word "intense" kept coming to my mind while reading this novel in verse. Ellen Hopkins takes you on a wild ride through the eyes of Kristina, good girl gone bad. We see Kristina fight with her inner alter ego Bree who has the boldness that Kristina has never felt. Bree is discovered while on a trip to visit her addiction addled father in New Mexico. In her three weeks there Kristina is introduced to a whole new world of boys, drugs and danger. Once home in her comfortable middle class existence Kristina struggles to break free of Bree's need for meth and falls further and further under it's thumb. Very strong themes with a fast paced tone, reader's get sucked into this downward spiral.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5A wonderful, reality-checking book. Highly recommended.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I thoroughly enjoyed this book but wished it wasn't in Verse, that part didn't really do it for me but the story was amazing, you go through emotions reading this. Anger, disgust, and sympathy were my main feelings and this is how the author won me over, I enjoy going through emotions when reading a story.Kristina starts using meth which is called The Monster, Crank, and then she becomes Bree, the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other shoulder is Kristina. It was quite interesting how we heard from Kristina or Bree and the back and fourth, pull and push, but the Bree on Crank always won over.The story of the downward spiral of destruction felt so real and was quite an eye opener. As a parent it made me question what I would do. I tell myself I would ask my child if they were on drugs and if I felt all the signs were there I would somehow get them tested and get the help they needed. This is what I tell myself but of course you never know until you are in the hard situation and have to make the decision. So many story lines were just so unbelievable but I am not naive and know they are true and happen ever day, sad sad sad.This is a dark story but one that is so important.
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5An interesting look at addiction with a modern writing style.
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5When I told my leetle seester about the 52 Book Challenge, she handed me "Crank" by Ellen Hopkins.Now, you should know something about me: I've never read the Twilight books. In my adolescent days you couldn't drag me out of the teen section in a book store. I was the kid who read unicorn novels at recess. However, I gave up on tween novels years and years ago (OK, I set my last one down maybe six years ago). This book is written for 14-year-olds, but my sister -- despite being barely into "teen"-dom -- is also one of the most intelligent human beings I am privileged to know. She can pick out Bach by ear on a cello, for Einstein's sake.So when she handed me the book and told me it was good, I accepted.First, you should know that although "Crank" is thick -- 537 pages -- it is, in fact, a quick read. Hopkins wrote the book in a lyrical, poetic form. At times, this is annoying. There are a lot of tabs, awkward spaces and she fully employs the use of shape poems, which I thought could be left in elementary school.And at times, it is beautiful. The book opens with "Flirtin' with the Monster."Flirtin' with the MonsterLife was goodbefore I metthe monster.After,lifewas great. Atleastfor a little while.And yet, through the use of poetry, Hopkins cuts through a lot of the B.S. that so often fills teen novels. In doing so, she finds her character's voice without the struggle other authors might have been through. She gets straight to the heart of the character, a 17-year-old girl named Kristina who, while on vacation visiting her father, discovers an alter-ego she calls Bree.During her summer vacation, she also discovers her two first loves: a boy named Adam, and methamphetamine.Now, I am cautious when it comes to teen novels about drugs. There's a certain degree of D.A.R.E.-like smoke-and-mirrors that come into play in this book. Kristina, or "Bree" when she's using, gets caught up in an unusually fast downward spiral. She snorts meth, and is addicted immediately. A "good" girl turns bad, following the "monster" on her path to destruction. This downward spiral leads to really bad choices, instant rebellion, the disentigration of her relationships and a lot of other tragic stuff that I won't spoil for you. Don't get me wrong: here in Appalachia, we see a lot of the damage that meth, or "crank," can do. It's a highly dangerous drug with a high potential for addiction. As a journalist, I once covered a drug bust in which cops took apart a "mobile meth lab" that someone was traveling with in their car. They carefully took from the car's back seat jars of chemicals and bags of sticky yellow-white substance. They also removed from that red sedan a black child's booster seat. Not exactly what I'd call responsible living.Reading "Crank" in the land of billboards that depict meth addicts with rotted teeth and dull eyes -- and the land of frequent double-wide fires -- has definitely given me perspective. However, I tried to read this book, to hear it's message, with the eyes, ears and heart of its audience: a 14-year-old. I feel that this novel, like so many other good teen novels, not only speaks about drugs, but about the uncertainty of adolescence. It is a time of great, scary, beautiful change. It's easy to feel alone, as though no one in the world understands; it is a time of learning about oneself, and about others. "Crank" speaks to all of that. The author certainly has an investment in scaring children away from meth. In the author's note, Hopkins writes: "While this work is fiction, it is loosely based on a very true story -- my daughter's. The monster did touch her life, and the lives of her family. My family. It is hard to watch someone you love fall so deeply under the spell of a substance that turns him for her into a stranger." I'm grateful my sister handed me this book. It gives us a lot of things to talk about: first love, illegal drugs and sex. After finishing this poetic novel, I don't think this book leans too heavily against the "don't do drugs" mantra; I think, in the end, it is a beautiful way to start a conversation. In the end, I think that's the best thing that parents, siblings and mentors can do to steer teens away from dangerous situations: talk to them. I'm all for open, honest conversations -- and listening. I'm an advocate for building trust and for communication.In the end, I would reccomend this quick read and quick glimpse into the mind of a teenage girl who loses her way. It might help you start a conversation with an adolescent who is important to you -- a conversation about things that are not, at all, easy to talk about. Ultimately, it might also cause you think back on that time in your life, and how dramatically things might have changed.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Crank was written by the mother of a teen girl who fell into methamphetamine use. It was a very insightful, heart-aching, and utterly sad book. It reminded me somewhat of Nick Sheff's autobiography titled Tweak, in which he recounts his own struggles with the "monster." What was unusual for me was the fact that this book was written in verse. I can't say I've ever read a novel in verse before, so at first it didn't come naturally to me; however, it didn't take me long to get the rhythm of it. And something about the verse's simplicity, yet complicated poetic quality lent itself very well to the subject matter.Obviously this book deals directly with identity. The daughter is struggling throughout the book with her identity--who is she, how her mom and step-father feel about her, where does she belong, does her family love her, who is she besides a girl who gets straight As (is that her only value), what is love, etc. She also struggles with two seemingly separate identities: Bree, the "naughty" girl and Kristina, the responsible, good girl. The book details sensitive subject matter, such as teenage sex and pregnancy, rape, alcohol and drug use, and drug dealing.Here is a quote from the book that I think would stimulate a discussion:Choices, ChoicesLife is full of choices.We don'talways makegood ones.It seems to Kristinayou gotta be crazyto open yourwindows, invite the demons in. Breethrows rocksat the feebleglass, laughs.I gave Crank a VOYA rating of 5Q: Hard to imagine it better written, and a Popularity rating of 5P: Every YA (who reads) was dying to read it. I was on the wait list at the library for 6 weeks and still never got a copy of the book. Looking at our holdings records, it showed that we had many copies, but that most were "assumed lost" because they hadn't been returned! Other copies were weeded....so when it came down to it, we didn't have many copies left at all. I ended up having to go and buy the book.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Kristina is the perfect student and daughter, shy, hard-working, highly motivated-until she decides to spend 10 days with her father who is alcoholic, drug addicted and lazy. There she meets Adam-and crank- and quickly becomes a different person-"Bree"-to be exact. "Bree"-who runs with the wrong crowd, gets high on anything available and will do anything....ANYTHING to get her next high. This book left me breathless! Written in verse, it is the perfect medium, as you move as quickly from perfect student to complete addict as Kristina did. Very disturbing, very realistic, totally heartbreaking. Based on the author's daughter's experience which makes it even more heartwrenching.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Crank is a real shocker. its one of my favorites out of the Ellin Hopkins collection. Its gritty its intense its confusing and amazing. It has a very shocking and mind changing towards the book ending.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Book review by Erica, posted by CA Library:"Crank by Ellen Hopkins is a great book for a fast read. It is for more of an eighth grade to twelfth grade reading level. There are some very inappropriate parts in the book. Once you start you never want to put the book down. Crank gives details for the teenage life. There is a lot of peer pressure, drugs, and more. Ellen Hopkins writes most of her books in poetic form about teenage drama. At times the book can be confusing. For example, the main characters name is Kristina, but she is also known as Bree. After reading this book your life is changed for good. I loved the book because it is such a fast easy read and it explains what almost every teenager goes through. In this book, there are very many characters. I can’t wait to read Ellen Hopkins’ next book. Hopefully, you will love this book and not want to put it down, just like I did. Remember Crank by Ellen Hopkins. I give it 4 out of 5 stars."
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5This book was weird, but in an awesome sorta way! It wasn't the best book, in my opinion, that Ellen Hopkins has wrote, but it was still pretty awesome! I liked part of the ending, like the concept, but the way that Ellen Hopkins portrayed the idea was too......happy! Like all through the story Bree/Kristina's been struggling with Crank, and then the ending's all "happily ever after"! :P
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5While visiting her deadbeat dad in New Mexico, 17-year-old Kristina discovers Bree, the other side of herself that seems not to mind her dad's dingy apartment on the wrong side of the tracks, the kind of girl who can fall for Adam, who lives downstairs. Adam introduces her to the monster, professes his love, and by the end of three weeks, Kristina is on the plane home, still a little high. Before long, she is struggling with addiction, ditching her good-girl reputation for new boys - some good, some not so good at all - new friends, and bad grades, since all these things lend themselves to her new habit. Before long meth is all she can focus on, and she has to fight to find Kristina inside the girl that Bree constructed.Crank, written entirely in verse, is an emotional purge of a novel. While the poetry leaves much to be desired - while there are a few gems, at best, most of it relies on gimmicks and typography - the story itself is solidly constructed. Hopkins' words are chosesn carefully, and her approach is direct and frank without being unpalatable or unaccessible to the reader. The character of Kristina is present on each page, confessing, and allowing the reader to experience the sensations of her rollercoaster ride with "the monster." For some, this novel could certainly serve as a deterrent. But any reader will find Crank gutwrenchingly sad and, most certainly, important.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5crank was the first book by ellen hopkins that i read. i really liked this book. i think the story line of this book is good. its like a typical story about a teen getting into drugs and boys. but i liked how this girl goes by 2 different names like she really is 2 different people.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5High school junior Kristina Snow seems to have a perfect life. But, when she visits her father in Albuquerque, she meets the monster, Crank. Her father is not what she remembered, he is a druggie himself who doesn't really care about his daughter. For the three weeks she is there, Kristina befriends Adam, who introduces her to his drug of choice. And, ever since, she has sought out the monster. Back home, she seeks out new friends, neglects school and grades, and will do just about anything to get her fix. She meets Brendan, gorgeous and athletic, who rapes her. Chase comes along to soothe her fragile being and supply her with sex and the occasional drug party. When Kristina discovers she's pregnant, her suspicious mother and step-father learn just what Kristina's life has become. Crank is a powerful story that all teens should read. The monster crank is always on your mind once you've been introduced. It carries you away from friends, family, responsibilities, and financial security. Where will Kristina end up now that she has another life to care for and love? Crank is a sad and unfortunately too true account of drug addiction, based on the author's daughter's teenage years.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Interesting find considering the question I was mulling over in my earlier post regarding girls who pretend to be someone else when they are "snogging" with a boy. While under the influence of the monster, Kristina discovers her sexy alter-ego, Bree: "there is no perfect daughterno gifted high school juniorno Kristina Georgia Snow. There is only Bree." Bree will do all the things good girl Kristian won't, including attracting the attention of dangerous boys who can provide her with a steady flow of crank.
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5I will admit, I did not read a single review of what this book was like before getting it. I saw it was on swap and I thought to myself, "Oh I think I've heard people say this one is good, so I will go ahead and get it." I was pretty much just expecting a drug related teen drama a la Go Ask Alice (the covers are even similar...well as much as white text on a black cover can be similar). However, as soon as I open the book, I see it is all poems. Each and every page is formatted like a teenager would do in her notebook; some scattered and free form verse, writing diagonally and upside down on the page. Yes, it is written from a teenager perspective, but I will admit that I was not looking forward to reading 530 pages of poems. I wanted to dislike it immediately. I read it (in one sitting) wanting to hate it and just get it over with. But I didn't. However, I can't, in all honesty, say that I liked it either.I will say that the use of the poems allowed a lot of the extraneous fluff to be taken out and what you are left with is very succinct tale of the downward spiral of a teenage girl into the world of drugs. The story itself is assuredly engrossing. The reality of sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll turns out isn't all Kristina thought it would be. What makes this book special (and also hard to say anything bad about) is the fact that the story is actually a semi-biographical account of the author's daughter. I don't really feel that makes her an expert necessarily on her daughter's emotions as she goes through her harrowing, drug-crazed journey, but it does make it that much more heart-breaking.In the end, I decided that the use of the poetry format really did make sense. Quick thoughts and short phrases really leaves the reader wanting to know more, which in turn keeps the interest high and the pages flying by.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Amazing. Written purely in poems, the story of Kristina/Bree and her struggle with the "monster" (meth) has you hooked, just like her. Kristina is your average, intelligent teenager, who makes one wrong decision that escalates tenfold. Her situation goes from bad to worse, but the book itself just gets better. So real, so honest, and so disturbing, it's impossible to put down. "Crank" uncovers the dark side of drugs, and proves nothing is what it seems.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Once I became accustomed to the writing style, I was quickly immersed in this incredible story. I wish this book would have been available when I was a teenager. It is reminiscent of Go Ask Alice with that same strong voice that doesn't shy away from the ugly, painful, and difficult truths. The writing was stunningly compelling with countless powerful quotes and a story both poignant and insightful. The contrast of the beautiful lyrical verse and the hard ugly truth of addiction was fascinating. I'm so glad I finally took the time to read this and thank everyone who recommended this to me. I, in turn, recommend this to any teenager and parent of a pre-teen or teenager as well as to anyone who appreciates stories with this kind of honest emotional depth and so-called controversial subject matter.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I gave this book a 5Q because its quality was striking. The character of the writing was so personal and descriptive that I connected with the narrative of Crank better than I ever have any book of verse. I have never read a collection of poems that became a page turner for me but Crank changed that. I gave the popularity a slightly lower score of four because I think that the book may be over the heads of some younger teens, and also because teens are more resistant to read novels in verse as a general rue. Crank was a stunning portrait of the descent of a girl into a quick and dirty addiction, but what makes it so gripping is the authorship by Hopkins. As a woman who lost her daughter to meth, the parental neglect of Kristina represents a palpable guilt that Hopkins must feel for not getting her daughter the help she needed in a timely fashion. Each page is riddled with what might have been if she had not neglected her baby and I found myself consistently angry with her throughout the novel. Crank is a gripping, tangible horror-story that reverses the traditional coming of age plot line into the story of an un-coming of identity.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Such an unusual writting style. While I apreciated the art of the way that the prose were presented, im not sure if it enhanced or distracted from the writing.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Ellen Hopkins is a master at transforming words into poetic rhythm. Using words in a nontraditional story telling form, she puts you smack into the middle of the internal battle that Kristina fights with Bree. If you’re looking for a book to touch your soul, this is it. It will draw you time and again back to the daily pressures that people face with addiction. I’m looking forward to absorbing Hopkins continuation in he book Glass.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5its amazing what people put themselves through they think that they cant ever get addicted to one thing but they can. she out her self through alot of danger doing drugs and all that. then while on the drug she got raped. her and her bf chase are very helpful to each other and they really care for each other. chase tells bree that he is going to be going to usc. she doesnt like this to much but then she finds out that she is preganant. and the baby isnt chases its brendans the guy who raped her. chase doesnt care and wants to help her out but he still goes to usc.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Plot: Kristina is a straight A student and a “typical” teen until her introduction to “the monster” (crank or crystal meth). The novel then follows Kristina in her downward spiral in the subsequent months that follow. The story is told through poetry.My reaction: I found this book to be extremely disturbing and at times wanted to put it down and walk away. That being said, I think it is a very important topic to cover (and the author is very knowledgeable on the subject as it is based on her daughter’s own addiction to crystal meth) and I like that it does not try to skate over the seriousness of the topic or make it look attractive and alluring in any way.Recommended Age Level: 15+Awards: Charlotte Award, IRA Young Adult Choices Award, Kentucky Bluegrass Award
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5How many of you read Go Ask Alice when you were younger? Well, Crank by Ellen Hopkins is sort of like Go Ask Alice, only 1000x better. Upon finishing Crank, I did not think drugs were cool, whereas when I finished Go Ask Alice I was able to see the appeal of whatever that girl was on. In Crank, the drugs are legit scary and the results more tangible and immediate.We open with Kristina Snow going to visit her ne'er do well father in Arizona. Her dad is the deadbeat of all deadbeats, I mean he does drugs at the bowling alley he works at. Of course, there is this boy that Kristina meets who walks on the wild side. Kristina unleashes her inner bad girl, Bree, because she so desperately wants to attract Adam. Enter the monster, aka, CRANK! For Kristina, crank is awesome at first. She gets all this energy. She gets cleaning done. She finds courage to flirt. Then she crashes AND burns. With the rest of the book, we see her basically implode from the effects of drugs on her life.I won't lie, I am not very huge on issue books. I'm not a person who deals with issues outside of my job. Like, my parents are still married, I don't have friends who do drugs, I've never been preggo. So it is hard for me to relate to these types of books. Ellen Hopkins was an author who came highly recommended. My sister read Crank and enjoyed it. Shanyn said she was good. Plus she gets banned a whole lot. I had figured perhaps she would be worth looking into. I am glad I suspended my aversion to novels in verse to read Crank.I am not sure this story could have been told in any other way and have been as effective. There is a lot of blank space on the pages. I actually liked the way Hopkins played with spacing and structuring the poems. Granted, I never really thought all that deeply on the poems, i.e. what is the deeper meaning of the structure of these lines in this place. However, I could see a teacher using this book in the classroom. Crank reads very, very quickly -- if I had to estimate -- in about 3 hours. However, you absolutely should not underestimate this book because it's a quick read. The emotional punch stays with you. I mean, it is so easy to relate to Kristina, even though I have none of her problems."I swear, ever guy you kiss is/ so different. Each has a unique/ essence, each a significant style." pg. 306The slashes denote line breaks FYI. I could totally relate to the above quote, since it is true. I've kissed like, 12 guys, and yes, yes that rings true. Then there is the language and imagery of the lines within Crank, which I thought was well done, stylistically:"The way it's okay to gift/ their heart one day, a/ backhand the next, to/ move on to the apricot/ when the peach/ blushes and/ bruises." pg. 170Wow. Just wow.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Great poetic telling of Kristina's introduction to "the monster", aka meth. Based on true story of author's daughter. YA.
Book preview
Crank - Ellen Hopkins
CLICK HERE TO SIGN UP
Crank, by Ellen Hopkins, Margaret K. McElderry BooksPUBLISHER'S NOTE
To best preserve formatting of complex poems and elements, we recommend that this book be read at a smaller font size on your device.
DEDICATION
This book is dedicated to my family, and all families whose lives have been touched by the monster.
With special thanks to Lin Oliver and Steve Mooser and their wonderful SCBWI, which guided my way.
AUTHOR’S NOTE
While this work is fiction, it is loosely based on a very true story—my daughter’s. The monster did touch her life, and the lives of her family. My family. It is hard to watch someone you love fall so deeply under the spell of a substance that turns him or her into a stranger. Someone you don’t even want to know.
Nothing in this story is impossible. Much of it happened to us, or to families like ours. Many of the characters are composites of real people. If they ring true, they should. The baby
at the end of the book is now seven years old, and my husband and I have adopted him. He is thriving now, but it took a lot of extra love.
If this story speaks to you, I have accomplished what I set out to do. Crank is, indeed, a monster—one that is tough to leave behind once you invite it into your life. Think twice. Then think again.
Flirtin’ with the Monster
Life was good
before I
met
the monster.
After,
life
was great.
At
least
for a little while.
Introduction
So you want to know all
about me. Who
I am.
What chance meeting of
brush and canvas painted
the face
you see? What made
me despise the girl
in the mirror
enough to transform her,
turn her into a stranger,
only not.
So you want to hear
the whole story. Why
I swerved
off the high road,
hard left to nowhere,
recklessly
indifferent to those
coughing my dust,
picked up speed
no limits, no top end,
just a high velocity rush
to madness.
Alone
everything changes.
Some might call it distorted reality,
but it’s exactly the place I need to be:
no mom,
Marie, ever more distant,
in her midlife quest for fame
no stepfather,
Scott, stern and heavy-handed
with unattainable expectations
no big sister,
Leigh, caught up in a tempest
of uncertain sexuality
no little brother,
Jake, spoiled and shameless
in his thievery of my niche.
Alone,
there is only the person inside.
I’ve grown to like her better
than the stuck-up husk of me. She’s
not quite silent,
shouts obscenities just because
they roll so well off the tongue
not quite straight-A,
but talented in oh-so-many
enviable ways
not quite sanitary,
farts with gusto, picks
her nose, spits like a guy
not quite sane,
sometimes, to tell you the truth,
even I wonder about her.
Alone,
there is no perfect daughter,
no gifted high-school junior,
no Kristina Georgia Snow.
There is only Bree.
On Bree
I suppose
she’s always been
there, vague as a soft
copper pulse of moonlight
through blossoming seacoast
fog.
I wonder
when I first noticed
her, slipping in and out
of my pores, hide-and-seek
spider in fieldstone, red-bellied
phantom.
I summon
Bree when dreams
no longer satisfy, when
gentle clouds of monotony
smother thunder, when Kristina
cries.
I remember
the night I first
let her go, opened the
smeared glass, one thin pane,
cellophane between rules and sin,
freed.
More on Bree
Spare me
those Psych ’01 labels,
I’m no more schizo than most.
Bree is
no imaginary playmate,
no overactive pituitary,
no alter ego, moving in.
Hers is the face I wear,
treading the riptide,
fathomless oceans where
good girls drown.
Besides,
even good girls have secrets,
ones even their best friends must guess.
Who do
they turn to on lonely
moon-shadowed sidewalks?
I’d love to hear them confess:
Who do they become when
night descends,
a cool puff of smoke, and
vampires come out to party?
My Mom Will Tell You
it started with a court-ordered visit.
The judge had a God complex.
I guess for once she’s right.
Was it just last summer?
He started an avalanche.
My mom enjoys discussing
her daughter’s downhill slide.
It swallowed her whole.
I still wore pleated skirts, lipgloss.
Crooked bangs defined my style.
Could I have saved her?
My mom often outlines her first
marriage, its bitter amen. Interested?
I was too young, clueless.
I hadn’t seen Dad in eight years.
No calls. No cards. No presents.
He was a self-serving bastard.
My mom, warrior goddess, threw
down the gauntlet when he phoned.
He played the prodigal trump card.
I begged. Pouted. Plotted. Cajoled.
I was six again, adoring Daddy.
What the hell gave him that right?
My mom gave a detailed run-down
of his varied bad habits.
Contrite was not his style.
I promised. Swore. Crossed my heart.
Recited the D.A.R.E. pledge verbatim.
How could she love him so much?
My mom relented, kissed me
good-bye, sad her perfume.
Things would never be the same.
I think it was the last time she kissed me.
But I was on my way to Daddy.
Aboard United 1425
The flight attendant escorted me to
a seat beside a moth-munched toupee.
Yellowed dentures clacked cheerfully,
suggested I make myself comfy.
Three hours is a mighty long time.
Three hours is a long time, astraddle
a 747’s wing, banshee engines
screaming, earachy babies fussing,
elderly seatmate complaining.
Can’t stand flying.
Makes me nauseous.
I get nauseous when vid screens
play movies I’ve seen three times,
seat belt signs deny pee breaks
and first class smells like real food.
Pretzels?
For this ticket price?
For the price, I’d expect Albert to
tone down the gripe machine. I closed
my eyes, tried to shut him out, but second
run movies can’t equal conversation.
My wife died last year.
Been alone since.
I’ve been alone since my mom met Scott.
He sucked the nectar from her heart
like a famished butterfly. No nurture,
no nourishment left for Kristina.
A vacation is a poor substitute
for love.
Two Hours into the Flight
Albert snored, soft
as a hummingbird’s
hover. His moody
smile suggested he’d
found his Genevieve,
just beyond time
just beyond space
just beyond this continuum.
I watched his face,
gentled by dreams,
until sun winks off
the polished fuselage
hypnotized me,
not quite asleep
not quite conscious
not quite in this dimension.
I coasted along a
byway, memory,
glimpses of truth
speed bumps
within childish
belief,
almost ultimate
almost reliable
almost total insanity.
Daddy waited
in the dead-end
circle, reaching
out for me.
I couldn’t
find his embrace
find his answers
find his excuse for tears.
Faster. Faster.
He’d waited too
many years for
me to come looking.
Hadn’t he? I
needed to see
needed to know
needed a lot more.
Hot Landing
Hot runway.
Hot brakes.
Hot desert sand
outside the window,
wind-sculpted crystalline
slivers, reflecting a new
summer’s sun.
Good-bye, young lady.
Good-bye, Albert.
Good-bye, toupee.
Good-bye, dentures.
Good-bye, in-flight
glimpses of a soul,
aching, and dreams,
fractured, injuries only
death could cure.
Have a nice vacation.
You too.
You relax.
You pretend to have fun.
You share a toast with me:
here’s to seasonal
madness, part-time
relatives and
substitutes for love.
The Prince of Albuquerque
June is pleasant in Reno,
kind of breezy and all.
I boarded the plane in
clingy jeans and a
long-sleeved T. Black.
It’s a whole lot hotter in Albuquerque.
I wobbled up the skywalk,
balancing heavy twin carry-ons.
Fingers of sweat grabbed
my hair and pressed it
against my face.
No one seemed to notice.
I scanned the crowd at the gate.
Too tall. Not tall enough.
Too old. Way too old.
There, with the sable hair,
much like my own.
How was it possible?
I thought he was much better
looking, the impression
of a seven-year-old whose
daddy was the Prince
of Albuquerque.
I melted, sleet on New Mexico asphalt.
Mutual Assessment
Daddy watched the gate, listing
a bit as he hummed a bedtime
tune, withdrawn from who knows
which memory bank.
Daddy?
Roses are red, my love.
He overlooked me like sky
above a patch of dirt,
and I realized he, too, searched
for a face suspended in yesterday.
It’s me.
Violets are blu-oo-oo.
Peculiar eyes, blue-speckled
green like extravagant eggs,
met my own pale aquamarine.
Assessing. Doubt gnawing.
Hey.
Sugar is . . . Kristina?
He hugged me, too tightly. Nasty
odors gulped. Marlboros. Jack
Daniels. Straightforward B.O.
Not like Scott’s ever-clean smell.
I can’t believe how
much you’ve grown!
"It’s been eight
years, Dad."
From daddy to dad
in thirty seconds. We were
strangers, after all.
I Got in a Car with a Stranger
A ’92 Geo, pink under
primer, not quite a
princely coach. Dad and
I attempted small talk.
How’s your sister?
Gay.
Sequestered on a California
campus. When she outed,
I cringed. Mom cried.
You called her queer.
How’s your mother?
Older.
Prettier, gift-wrapped
in 40ish self-esteem, a
wannabe writer and workout
fanatic, sweating ice.
How’s what’s-his-name?
Indifferent.
Either that or flat in my
face, yet oddly always
there exactly when I
need him. Unlike you.
And how are you?
Okay.
Near-sighted. Hormonal.
Three zits monthly.
Often confused.
Lusting for love.
You?
Same.
Small Talk Shrank to Minuscule
Hot? Not! Wait till August!
The carriage burped. Screeched.
Hiccupped. I tightened my seat-belt,
like that could save me.
Straight A’s, huh? Got your brains
from your old man.
I was starting to doubt it.
No air-con, windows down,
oil flavored the air.
Conversation took an ugly turn.
Never been laid? Tell the truth
little girl.
Like it was his business. He
reached for his Marlboros, took
one, offered the pack. My lip
curled. He lit up anyway.
Quit once. Your mother bitched
me out of the habit.
I watched him inhale, blow
smoke signals. Exhale. Beyond
the ochre haze, city turned to
suburbs. Not pretty suburbs.
She was the bitch queen. I started
again soon as I moved out.
The Geo limped into
a weather-chewed parking
lot. I escaped the front
seat. Aired out in blistering heat.
Here we are. Home sweet home.
What’s mine is yours.
I’d made an awful mistake.
Daddy wasn’t the Prince of
Albuquerque. He was the King of Cliché.
You Call This a Castle?
Cracked cement ramparts,
a less than mighty bastion,
swamp cooler overflow,
drool down the battlement.
Behind the stockade walls,
faceless generals barked
orders to their private troops,
drilled their little soldiers.
Welcome to my castle.
You call this a castle?
Heat throbbing off the
parking lot convinced me
to chance crumbling stairs.
And there, step four, flight two,
I bumped into my White Knight.
Okay, maybe more like gray.
I’ll compromise with silver.
Not My Type
No shirt
hot bod.
His, that is.
So why did
I break out in
a sweat?
No shoes
barefoot,
bare chest, with
a bare, baby face
to make the
angels sing.
Nothing
but ragged
cut-offs,
hugging a
tawny six pack,
and a smile.
No pin-up
pretty boy
could touch,
a smile that
zapped every cell.
He was definitely
not my type.
At Least I Had Something
to think about
besides my dad’s
less than palatial
apartment.
If he qualified
as royalty in this true
blue collar
kingdom,
I had zero desire
to see how the
working class
lived.
Dad Had to Go to Work
Work?
You’ve heard of work.
You couldn’t take
one day off?
You don’t know my boss.
Does he know
about me?
She knows you’re here.
Your daughter
comes to visit . . .
She doesn’t know.
Know what?
That you’re my daughter.
Who am I, then?
A long-lost relative.
He Worked in a Bowling Alley
Under the table,
so I don’t screw
up my disability.
Unsticking stuck
balls, fitting stinky
shoes, collecting
cash from the crop
du jour of the
great unwashed.
No one there’s
gonna tell. They
got their own secrets,
No worries about
bubblegum, athlete’s
foot, or the current
flu, passed bill to
bill, ball to ball,
shoe to shoe.
Like who’s making
out in the back room,
who’s striking out.
Geo unlocked
in a