Being Anxious: Help for Social Anxiety
5/5
()
About this ebook
Social anxiety (or social phobia) is the debilitating fear of interacting with people. At its heart is the belief that you are being negatively judged, which leads you to avoid those situations where being judged is a possibility. To make matters worse, it is a self-reinforcing fear in which the more often you avoid situations, the more established and habitual the fear of negative judgement becomes.
You can understand the nature of social anxiety by seeing it in its evolutionary perspective. In our evolutionary past, strangers were dangerous. Being wary of them helped us to survive. There were the family and close friends inside our circle of trust, and then there was everyone else. There was only ever ‘us and them’.
The world is not as dangerous as it once was. The foundation for dealing with social anxiety is to understand at a rational level that in today’s world we do not need to be so scared of strangers. As dangerous as they might once have been, today they are less dangerous. To watch the news on TV or read the newspapers, you could be forgiven for thinking that the world is a dangerous place indeed, but that is a distortion of reality. Every year the world becomes a little safer and more civilised as Stephen Pinker points out in his 2011 book The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined.
Rigorously enforced laws that guarantee individual rights have seen to that. We all know that if we attack someone we will find ourselves incarcerated with a criminal record. We have learned to restrain our violent impulses. On the rare occasion when someone does become violent, often under the influence of inhibition-reducing alcohol, they are publicly shamed on TV news and sent to jail or made to pay a hefty fine.
The carrot and the stick. Since Roman times, violent offenders have been put in prison where they cannot breed. At the same time, altruistic behaviour is rewarded by society. This carrot and stick approach is gradually reducing the overall proportion of people with violent tendencies in the general population, while increasing the proportion of helpful, well-intentioned people. This process has been on-going for nearly 2,000 years, which represents roughly 6,000 generations of people.
I am not suggesting that violence does not still occur in the world, only that it is gradually declining, a fact which is proven by the hard evidence presented by Professor Pinker.
We did not evolve surrounded by millions of strangers. We do not need to fear strangers in the way our ancestors did 10,000+ years ago. In those days, people lived in small nomadic groups, very often a single multi-generational family group. Everyone knew everyone else. Children were raised by the community. There were no towns or cities, much less the mega-cities of today. Even though we evolved as small group dwellers, the reality of life today in the 21st Century is that more than half of the world’s population lives in cities where you live surrounded by millions of strangers. This is always going to be stressful for people in whom the age-old instinctive fear of strangers is still strong.
If you suffer from social anxiety, it is helpful to understand that what you have is a natural instinct that is being outraged by the conditions of modern life. The instinct is over-reacting; the perceived danger has become blown out of proportion to the actual danger. You are not defective; you just need to dial back the instinctive reaction to a more rational level.
You can take a big step towards overcoming your social anxiety by activating your rational, logical mind and coming to understand the truth of modern city life. Our instincts tell us to be afraid of everyone we don’t know, and while some of those strangers should definitely be treated as potentially dangerous, the vast majority of strangers are normal, civilised people who would not dream of harming you.
David Tuffley
David Tuffley (PhD) is a Senior Lecturer in Applied Ethics & Socio-Technical Studies at Griffith University in Australia.David writes on a broad range of interests; from Comparative Religion, Anthropology, Psychology, Ancient and Modern History, Linguistics, Rhetoric, Philosophy, Architectural History, Environments and Ecosystems.
Read more from David Tuffley
Nautical Terms: A Dictionary Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsGoing with the Flow Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsBeing Grateful: Becoming Whole Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsBeing Happy: Part 4 Cultivating Virtue Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Surfing Lingo: A Dictionary of Surfing Terms Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsBeing Resilient Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Related to Being Anxious
Titles in the series (24)
Tao Te Ching: Lao Tzu's Timeless Classic for Today Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Enchiridion of Epictetus Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Being Happy: Part 1 Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5The Artful Traveller: The Flâneur's Guidebook Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Genius: Habits of Highly Creative People Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Art of Strategic Non-Action: Learning to Go with the Flow Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Raising Your Self-Esteem Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Secrets of a Long & Happy Life Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Being Assertive: Finding the Sweet-Spot Between Passive and Aggressive Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Social Drinker: How To Keep It That Way Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Pursuit of Happiness: The Art of Not Taking Offence & Going with the Flow Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Every Moment Is The Best Moment: The Essence of Enlightenment Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Being Alone Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Lifestyles of Long-Lived People Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Leadership & The Tao a New Look at the Timeless Question “What Is Leadership?” Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius: A Primer Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Unleash Your Creativity: A How to Guide Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Becoming More Intelligent Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Improving Your Memory: A How to Guide Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Being Mindful: Living in the Now Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Being Happy: Part 2 Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Beating Addiction: A Self-Help Guide Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Being Happy: Part 3 Managing Your Expectations Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Being Anxious: Help for Social Anxiety Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5
Related ebooks
Brave Enough: Embrace Your Fears, Cope With Your Anxieties and Build Self-Confidence - Use Obstacles To Your Benefit Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsOvercome Social Anxiety: Strategies For Overcoming Social Anxiety And Building Self-Confidence Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsIntrovert: The Ultimate Guide to Come to Yourself and Use Your Power of Quiet Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5100 Ways to Overcome Shyness: Go From Self-Conscious to Self-Confident Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsGet Rid of Shyness Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHow to Stop Worrying What Other People Think of You Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings6 Simple Steps to Permanently Overcome Social Anxiety & Low Self-Esteem Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How To Stop Worrying About What People Think Of You Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Self-Confidence Course: How To Beat Social Anxiety And Shyness, Boost Your Self-Confidence, Get More Friend, And Enjoy Life Again Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsAssertiveness: A Step by Step Guide Toward Becoming Unstoppable and unafraid Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsNever Lose Hope: How to Stop Anxiety and Fear and Start Living an Awesome Life Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Complete Guide to Overcoming Low Self-Esteem: Understanding the Causes, Impact and Healing Techniques Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Introvert: How to Boost Confidence and Overcome Social Anxiety Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsConfidence: Boost Your Self-Esteem And Self-Confidence, Finally Proven Way To Overcome Your Fears To Achieve Your Goals Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsA Complete Model For Building Your Self Respect And Self Esteem Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsAnxiety and Depression Cure: Simple Workbook for Anxiety Relief. Stop Worrying and Overcome Depression Fast Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHow to Stop Overthinking Stop Worrying and Be Mentally Tough by Decluttering Your Mind Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSocial Anxiety: A Complete Effective Guide for Overcoming Anxiety, Panic Attacks, and Social Phobia Through Mindfulness Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsPainfully Shy: How to Overcome Social Anxiety and Reclaim Your Life Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5The Shyness Solution: Easy Instructions for Overcoming Shyness and Social Anxiety Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Psychology For You
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5101 Fun Personality Quizzes: Who Are You . . . Really?! Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Source: The Secrets of the Universe, the Science of the Brain Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How to Win Friends and Influence People: Updated For the Next Generation of Leaders Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Art of Letting Go: Stop Overthinking, Stop Negative Spirals, and Find Emotional Freedom Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Art of Witty Banter: Be Clever, Quick, & Magnetic Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Becoming Bulletproof: Protect Yourself, Read People, Influence Situations, and Live Fearlessly Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Your Brain's Not Broken: Strategies for Navigating Your Emotions and Life with ADHD Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Personality Types: Using the Enneagram for Self-Discovery Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5It Starts with Self-Compassion: A Practical Road Map Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: The Narcissism Series, #1 Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5F*ck Feelings: One Shrink's Practical Advice for Managing All Life's Impossible Problems Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Self-Care for People with ADHD: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Prioritize You! Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5ADHD: A Hunter in a Farmer's World Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Changes That Heal: Four Practical Steps to a Happier, Healthier You Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Introverted Leader: Building on Your Quiet Strength Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Reviews for Being Anxious
3 ratings0 reviews
Book preview
Being Anxious - David Tuffley
Being Anxious
Help For Social Anxiety
David Tuffley
Published by Altiora Publications
© Copyright 2014 David Tuffley
"It's not all bad. Heightened self-consciousness, apartness, an inability to join in, physical shame and self-loathing—they are not all bad. Those devils have been my angels. Without them I would never have disappeared into language, literature, the mind, laughter and all the mad intensities that made and unmade me." ― Stephen Fry
Published in 2014 by Altiora Publications at Smashwords
This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the work of this author.
About the Author
David Tuffley PhD is a Lecturer in Applied Ethics and Socio-Technical Studies at Griffith University in Australia. David is passionate about helping people to grow into their full potential.
Disclaimer
This book has been written with all due care and attention, giving guidance on how to overcome social anxiety and shyness. If followed it has the potential to greatly help you be successful. By itself