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    Dinosaur Ghost
    Dinosaur Ghost
    Dinosaur Ghost
    Ebook101 pages1 hour

    Dinosaur Ghost

    By Christamar Varicella

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    About this ebook

    Only in this short, humorous romp can one bear witness to rampaging dinosaur ghosts as they visit a creationist museum, disrupt a gun rally, crash CPAC, eat the right wing of the Supreme Court, and come face to face with Donald J. Trump.

    The satirical novella parodies the science fiction/horror genre while simultaneously skewering republican politics, and it is the only book ever written willing to tell the truth about what really killed the dinosaurs. Spoiler Alert: It was gay marriage!

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherChristamar Varicella
    Release dateAug 24, 2014
    ISBN9781311397454
    Dinosaur Ghost
    Author

    Christamar Varicella

    Christamar Varicella is the author of the The Reverend, Too Weird, and Dinosaur Ghost. He posts chapters of his novel-in-progress Blood Cries at christamar.com.

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      Book preview

      Dinosaur Ghost - Christamar Varicella

      Dinosaur Ghost: A Novella

      by

      Christamar Varicella

      Copyright 2014, 2016 Christamar Varicella

      Cover design by Christiana Helgeson

      Thank you for downloading this eBook. The contents remain the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be redistributed to others for commercial purposes. If you like the book, please encourage your friends to download a copy. Thanks for your support.

      Table of Contents

      Dinosaur Ghost

      Chapter 1: Everything is Fine

      Chapter 2: Or is it?

      Chapter 3: Back to the Main Story Line

      Chapter 4: Conservative Repellent

      Chapter 5: This Poop Just Got Complicated

      Chapter 6: Dangerous Emissions

      Chapter 7: They’re Real and They’re Eating Republicans

      Chapter 8: A Heaping Helping of Prehistoric Justice

      Chapter 9: Think Tank Tumped

      Chapter 10: Trouble at the Creationist Museum

      Chapter 11: Heartbreak at CPAC (It’s Evolution, Baby!)

      Chapter 12: Donald Trump Versus the Dinosaurs

      Chapter 13: Climax Within a Climax

      Chapter 14: Everything Returns to Normal

      Epilogue

      Interview with Christamar Varicella

      About the Author

      Chapter 1: Everything is Fine

      Helen tossed her keys on the kitchen counter and stared down at a stack of mail. One letter in particular stood above the rest--the top one.

      That you, Babe? her boyfriend James asked from the living room. He was sitting on the couch watching a football game.

      Um, Helen mumbled. She honed in on the letter. She picked it up, studied the return address: Harlington University. This is it, she thought. I’ll finally learn whether or not I’m going to become a paleontologist.

      Her mind traveled back in time to the interview. That was the hardest part of the whole application process. That and shaking the $25 application fee out of James. She never understood why she did so poorly in interviews. Maybe it had something to do with the way she nervously smacked her gums when questioned, or how she called everyone, Bubba. She got along fine with people when she avoided talking to them, but whenever she was put in the same room with other human beings, her intelligence and poise seemed to slip away.

      She waited through the awkward silence as Dr. Bellingham studied her application.

      It says here that you already have an advanced degree.

      Helen smacked her gums and smiled. You got that right, Bubba.

      According to your transcript, you have a master’s degree in something called paranormal psychology.

      Yep. She smacked her gums again. So far, this was going pretty well.

      And did you get your degree from watching the movie Ghostbusters?

      Helen thought she detected a hint of sarcasm in Dr. Bellingham’s voice. No, it was a standard matriculation.

      Dr. Bellingham put down the transcript and peered at Helen over the top of her glasses. Ms. Fonzarelli, why do you want to study paleontology?

      Helen thought about the question. Well, I guess I want to know why the dinosaurs went extinct.

      But you are aware of existing evidence suggesting an asteroid, or perhaps even a comet, crashed into the Earth, sending up a cloud of dust that...

      I just don’t think an asteroid would be big enough to squash all those dinosaurs. It must have been something else.

      I think you misunderstand. The asteroid did not crush the dinosaurs. It sent up a massive cloud of dust that blocked out the sun and made life impossible. That is the likeliest cause of extinction.

      But Helen wasn’t listening. She waited until Dr. Bellingham finished talking and then responded with, I just don’t believe it.

      This is going great, she told herself.

      Back in the present (which has since passed), she ripped open the letter.

      Dang it, she said, balling up the paper and throwing it into the trash can. It’s just another ‘Cease and Desist’ order. I don’t know why they won’t tell me whether or not I made it into the program. Maybe I should write them another email... or call them again... or wait for Dr. Bellingham outside of her office. Honey, what do you think?

      James took a sip of his beer and continued to watch the game. I don’t know why you want to get some liberal education when you can sit around here looking pretty. He let out a gigantic belch and then added, and working full-time.

      We will be together forever, won’t we? Helen said with a far-off look on her face. She was so happy to have James in her life, even if he was a republican.

      Either that, or until one of us dies, or you get fat, or I get bored of you, he said. He crushed the empty can on his forehead and fired it across the room, where it bounced off the trash can and landed on the floor. Two points, he said.

      Oh James, she said, jumping into his lap.

      That’s my name, don’t wear it out, James said. Without taking his eyes away from the game, he reached around her body with both hands and squeezed her butt cheeks.

      I don’t care if I don’t get into that stupid old program, Helen thought. My life is still perfect.

      Chapter 2: Or is it?

      Doctor Sampson sat at his desk, adding a few notes to the skunk file. He furrowed his brow. People simply weren’t visiting the skunk tanks as much as he’d anticipated.

      A knock on the door shook him from his trance. Quickly, he re-assumed the dignified manner of a head zookeeper. Enter, he said.

      Eduardo entered, nervously twisting his his cap in front of him. Meester Sampson. Eeet happened again.

      How many times do I have to tell you, Eduardo. It’s Dr. Sampson. Doctor!

      Yes of course, Dr. Sampson.

      It’s important to maintain formality. You know, for formality’s sake.

      "Please

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