Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    The Fart Tootorial: Farting Fundamentals, Master Blaster Techniques, and the Complete Toot Taxonomy
    The Fart Tootorial: Farting Fundamentals, Master Blaster Techniques, and the Complete Toot Taxonomy
    The Fart Tootorial: Farting Fundamentals, Master Blaster Techniques, and the Complete Toot Taxonomy
    Ebook127 pages1 hour

    The Fart Tootorial: Farting Fundamentals, Master Blaster Techniques, and the Complete Toot Taxonomy

    By Ben Applebaum and Dan DiSorbo

    ()

    Read preview

    About this ebook

    From the authors of The Book of Beer Pong and The Book of Beer Awesomeness, this illuminating and hilarious volume features everything a person could ever wish to know (and more!) about everyone's favorite bodily function. It's loaded with interesting information, from the history of farts to different types of flatulence ("Much like a fingerprint, no two farts sound—or smell—alike"). Also featuring the best fart techniques, defenses, and pranks, The Fart Tootorial will make any reader a master of the gas we pass.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherChronicle Books Digital
    Release dateMar 19, 2013
    ISBN9781452124216
    The Fart Tootorial: Farting Fundamentals, Master Blaster Techniques, and the Complete Toot Taxonomy
    Author

    Ben Applebaum

    Ben Applebaum and Derrick Pittman are friends from Wake Forest University and founders of CollegeStories.com, a site for undergrads and postgrads to share their favorite college memories. Since 1999, they've read more than 4,000 stories from students everywhere. In the process, they?ve developed keen insights into college life as well as strong stomachs. They have also written Class Dismissed: 75 Outrageous, Mind-Expanding College Exploits (and Lessons That Won't Be on the Final) . Ben lives in Connecticut, and Derrick lives in Georgia.

    Read more from Ben Applebaum

    Related to The Fart Tootorial

    Related ebooks

    Humor & Satire For You

    View More
    View More

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    • Article

      Q&A

      Mar 13, 2022

      Q&A
      6 min read

    • Article

      Q&A

      Sep 3, 2020

      Q&A
      6 min read

    • Article

      I Am Your Tongue

      Jun 13, 2022

      I Am Your Tongue
      4 min read

    • Article

      Brain Dump

      Feb 17, 2022

      Brain Dump
      10 min read

    • Article

      Your Questions Answered

      Jun 8, 2022

      Your Questions Answered
      9 min read

    • Article

      Q&A

      Apr 8, 2020

      Q&A
      5 min read

    • Article

      Q&A

      Nov 26, 2020

      Q&A
      6 min read

    • Article

      Senses Of Wonder

      Apr 2, 2023

      Senses Of Wonder
      10 min read

    • Article

      The Grant Game

      Oct 26, 2021

      The Grant Game
      3 min read

    • Article

      Braindump

      May 12, 2022

      Braindump
      10 min read

    • Article

      Human. Nature.

      Dec 10, 2018

      Human. Nature.
      5 min read

    • Article

      Braindump

      Nov 25, 2021

      Braindump
      5 min read

    • Article

      Q&A

      Jul 6, 2022

      Q&A
      7 min read

    • Article

      Q&A

      Sep 8, 2021

      Q&A
      6 min read

    • Article

      WE ARE your lungs

      Aug 15, 2022

      Your body Hello! Yes, you already know us – we’re semi-famous – everyone’s been name dropping us since the pandemic started. At least, you think you know us. Do you know what we look like? No, not like those plastic models in doctor’s offices, and (h

      4 min read

    • Article

      7 Fun Facts About Sweat

      Sep 10, 2022

      7 Fun Facts About Sweat
      3 min read

    • Article

      If You Were A Deep-sea Dweller

      Jan 1, 2020

      WHAT IF ONE DAY YOU WOKE UP AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA? You’d face some serious survival challenges. Challenges like navigating pitch-black waters, hunting for scarce food, enduring extreme cold, and withstanding crushing pressure. What adaptations mig

      3 min read

    • Article

      I Am Your Nose

      Apr 18, 2022

      Kia ora! Hi. Over here. Yes, that’s me waving at you from the centre of your face. I know we’ve had an awkward relationship at times. Like that time I wouldn’t stop dripping while you were trying to impress the school principal and you ended up with

      4 min read

    • Article

      Braindump

      Feb 16, 2023

      Braindump
      7 min read

    • Article

      Funny You Should Ask

      Jan 2, 2022

      The QI elves are a team of writers and comedians who find the answers to impossible questions, doing the research for the long-running QI TV series, podcasts and the spin-offbooks. For the next little while, we’ll be running some of their finest find

      1 min read

    • Article

      Edward O.wilson

      Jul 1, 2020

      Edward O.wilson
      5 min read

    Related categories

    Reviews for The Fart Tootorial

    0 ratings

    0 ratings0 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

      Book preview

      The Fart Tootorial - Ben Applebaum

      C.K.

      Chapter One

      Getting Farted

      THE FUNDAMENTALS OF

      FLOATED BISCUITS

      What exactly is a fart? How is it made? Why don’t we talk about them more often? Who smelt it? And who exactly dealt it? Why are they so funny? These questions have plagued humankind for centuries. But not to worry, the answers found on the following pages should provide a solid foundation for your gas mastery—a liberal farts education, if you will.

      What Is a Fart?

      In literal terms, a fart is a mixture of gases that are by-products of the digestive process, which are expelled through the rectum. (Leave it to science to make farts boring.)

      In more metaphorical terms, a fart is a remarkable explosion of gas that’s also an explosion of emotion, culture, biology, and even history. A fart is a reminder of both our animal biology and the interconnection of our social selves. In other words, farts connect the people of the world.

      Even before mankind existed, farts persisted. Early primates and even earlier dinosaurs farted. Some scientists actually believe dinosaur farts may have caused the global warming that led to their extinction. And before life itself ever existed, farts were there. The Big Bang can be regarded as the universe’s original fart.

      But we’re not here to speculate; we’re here to educate you on farts, and more specifically, on your own farts. Homo sapiens have farted their way through history since before we even knew we had a history. And although female Homo sapiens have denied it, they, too, have farted. Today, millions of years later, all humans, from the moment they’re born, continue to fart on a daily basis. It’s the circle of life.

      That’s what a fart is.

      Why Is a Fart Called a Fart?

      Fart is more than just a vulgar four-letter word that starts with F. The word fart is both a noun and a verb and, believe it or not, is one of the oldest words in the English vocabulary. The root of this toot can be traced back to around A.D. 500 with the Old High German word ferzan. Similar words are also found in Old Norse, Slavic, Greek, and even Sanskrit.

      The medical term for this magical mixture of gas is flatus and the act is technically called flatulence. But we believe in the word fart as much as we believe in the act itself. It’s older, shorter, and practically onomatopoetic (it sounds like the thing it’s describing). So, from this page on, we will be putting our focus solely on farts and leave flatulence to the ivory towers.

      Would a fart by any other name smell so stank? We think not.

      Fact

      Humans fart, on average, ten to fourteen times a day (and night). This results in about 2.5 pints or 40 ounces of actual gas (and gives new meaning to the song 40oz. to Freedom).

      What Is in a Fart?

      Unseen by the naked eye, farts are about one-half cup of a gas cocktail, mixed fresh by the bartender in your belly. Farts have an average temperature of 98.6 degrees (typically the same temperature as the farter) and are comprised of common gases like nitrogen, carbon dioxide, hydrogen, oxygen, and occasionally methane. After that, it’s a lineup of stink suspects: sulphur, hydrogen sulfide, methanethiol, dimethyl sulfide, skatole, ammonia, and indole.

      BLOWING IN THE WIND

      Passing gas is necessary to well-being.

      HIPPOCRATES, THE FATHER OF WESTERN MEDICINE

      The combined relative proportions of these gases depend on: what you ate, how much air you swallowed, what kinds of bacteria you have in your intestines, and how long you hold in the fart.

      Fact

      Though it’s likely full of hot air, there’s some (dubious) evidence that ancient Romans believed in Crepitus, the god of farts and all things gassy. Not to be outdone, ancient Greeks were known to compare the sound of thunder to that of celestial flatulence—pretty awesome, even gods fart.

      Why Do We Fart?

      Farting is a fact of life—even Mrs. Garrett, Jo, Blair, and Tootie

      Enjoying the preview?
      Page 1 of 1