Diverse Voices at Christmas
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About this ebook
When we published our last anthology of stories and poems there was a strong, public reaction ... but despite that we decided to do another one anyway. This time however, we’ve got ‘visions of sugar plums dancing in our heads’, (I’ve got to stop drinking that furniture polish).
Here, to show all sides of Christmas from the light and fanciful to the dark and macabre, the Bulkington Writers proudly present their eggnog induced fantasies in ... Diverse Voices at Christmas.
(No reindeer were harmed during the writing of this book.)
Bulkington Writers
Bulkington Writers is partway between a class and a writer’s circle and meets on Wednesdays at 7- 9.30 in Bulkington Village Centre’s Garden Room. All levels of expertise are welcome and the first taster session is free. Tea, coffee and biscuits are inclusive, as are the handouts and any one to one reading and advice. There is an email group and lots of support and encouragement for newcomers, plus positive and helpful criticism for more experienced writers. For more information about the class email bulkingtonwriters@gmail.com
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Diverse Voices at Christmas - Bulkington Writers
Diverse Voices
at Christmas
Bulkington Writers
Diverse Voices at Christmas
Bulkington Writers
Published by Bulkington Writers at Smashwords
Copyright 2014 Bulkington Writers
Copyright for this book edition is held by Bulkington Writers. Copyright for the individual pieces is retained by the original authors and they assert the moral right to be identified as the authors of their work.
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to the other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of these authors.
Edited by
Diane Lindsay
and
Richard Doron
Produced by
Tony Rattigan
Introduction
Riding high on the euphoria of having published a first collection, Bulkington Writers have been coaxed, emotionally pummelled, shamed and cajoled, into proudly presenting this second, Christmas Collection of Diverse Voices. As the Editor and the theoretical Mentor of this unruly group of diverse talents, I am no less guilty of that writers’ besetting sin, procrastination. It’s always good for new, aspiring scribes to know that every writer who ever lived will probably have found every excuse under the sun for talking about, drafting, editing and simply just avoiding that inner itch to write.
We cannot, for instance know just how many times William Shakespeare sharpened his quill or Jane Austen combed her cat. If she had one. (Which is the subject of great debate, namely because there is a cat in the latest much disputed portrait of that lady. Or of somebody else – look it up on Google! There might even be a story in it!)
We can however be sure that writers often have a love/hate relationship with their writing, because contrary to popular opinion, getting the words down on paper is often as much a matter of confidence and determination as of talent. This goes along with my long held belief that everyone can write if they don’t get scared off by school or the Spelling and Grammar Police. We can’t all be a Jane Austen, and some of us wouldn’t want to be, but with a little polish, some judicious sub-editing, and a few dos and don’ts, I really do believe that everyone can tell a tale, share an insight or record a universal truth. See what you think as you browse through the thoroughly diverse voices in our latest book.
Because what writers need more than anything is an audience. The Reader. You. Not every reader will enjoy the work of every writer, great or otherwise, but readers being every bit as diverse as the voices in this book, we’re pretty sure you’ll find much to entertain, provoke, cheer, thrill or amuse, or even something to stop you procrastinating and incite you to put pen to paper (or finger to keyboard) yourself.
Compliments of the Season, one and all.
Diane Lindsay
Contents
Introduction
Christmas Shopping
Born in Winter
Learning From Experience
Christmas Homage to Adrian Henri
Father Christmas
Après Noel
Midwinter Memories
Pub Talk
Adrian Henri Christmas Homage 2
Harvest Cottage
Christmas Humbug!
Ghost’s Christmas Repast
Season
Eternal Night
On Returning to England in Winter after Several Years in Africa
The Joy of Christmas
Boxing Day at Low Bridge End Farm
Checkout
A Matter of Perspective
A New Year’s Resolution
I Believe in Angels
The Destruction of Christmas
A La Wordsworth
Trial by Gravity
About the Authors
Bulkington Writers
Christmas Shopping
Richard Doron
It was late afternoon in Bethlehem but the market traders were still hawking their wares. An impressive royal caravan had just barged through, its route marked by a long cloud of desert dust. Lagging behind the main procession three dishevelled figures loomed out of the mustard haze, slumped on drooping donkeys plodding at such a rate that were it any slower they would be going backwards.
‘Can we take a break Bazza, I’m absolutely knackered.’ moaned the rearmost traveller, his voice muffled by the robe over his mouth.
‘Let me tell you something Melchior.’ bellowed the lead traveller in his habitually superior tone, ‘It is a constant source of wonder to me that despite all the excursions we have made together with the Shah’s holiday caravan, you still haven’t grasped the fact that my name is Balthazar. Not Baz, not Bazza, not Booza nor any other shortening of my given name that your feeble brain can produce. And I’m sure that Gaspar would say the same.’
‘I’ll thecond that,’ lisped Gaspar, ‘Gatha would not be my firtht choithe either.’
Melchior shrugged, ‘Sorry lads, it’s a cheeky chappie thing.’
‘Be that as it may,’ interrupted Balthazar, his beard quivering, ‘it’s very irritating. As you well know, I am financial advisor to the Shah of Persia; a position that deserves great respect, especially from the lower echelons of the royal staff.’
Melchior bridled, ‘That’s rich! You count coins in the royal treasury, whereas I’m the Shah’s chef. Who can forget my Tagine of Amphibian during the plague of frogs?’
‘You didn’t do so well when there wath a plague of boilth,’ remarked Gaspar.
Melchior sighed, ‘I admit my Pus-Pus didn’t catch on. Anyway, I’m too tired to argue with a teller of tales of woe like you. Look – there’s a taketh away just ahead. Let us rest and eat. The Shah won’t need our expertise tonight. They won’t get far – you know how it is when you’re stuck behind a caravan. And there’s something else I need to talk over with you two.’
‘What’th that? Are you going to thave the hungry and give up cooking?’
‘I’m being serious. Something happened at King Herod’s palace during the Shah’s visit the other day. There’s gold involved.’
Two pairs of ears pricked up. Balthazar grinned avariciously, ‘Why didn’t you say, my good friend, let us tarry at that Donkey Deli and discuss the matter.’
Tethering their grateful donkeys they made their way inside the sandstone and mud establishment and Melchior ordered three Goliath kebabs in Dead Sea Rolls.
‘Do you want flies with those?’ queried the greasy youth behind the counter.
‘Do we have any choice?’ asked Melchior.
‘Not really,’ replied the youth swatting the air, ‘there’s no glass in the windows, I can’t keep them out.’
Melchior studied the menu. ‘Anyone fancy locusts in a basket with a honey dip? No? Well I guess that’s just me then.’
Sitting down with their food at a rear table away from the dust of the street, all eyes were on Melchior expectantly. Milking the moment he took a dark red roasted locust from the heap, dipped it in the honey and crunched down on it.
‘Mmm, they know how to do their locusts here. And they taste nothing like chicken. A bit fishy if anything. Try one Gaspar.’
‘Thpare me. Pleathe Melchior – the gold?’
Melchior was enjoying the attention and was not to be rushed. ‘I’ll say one thing for Donkey Delis, their kebabs contain nothing but the finest donkey meat.’
‘Melchior, you try my patience.’ blustered Balthazar.
‘All right, listen to this. I was assisting King Herod’s chefs while he entertained our Shah. And you know what? He only wanted fresh Manna. Luckily I got wind of an exotic food supplier in the city who came from a far off land called Wales. So I was able to get him some Manna from Evan’s.’
‘Is