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    Fitter, Faster, Funnier Football
    Fitter, Faster, Funnier Football
    Fitter, Faster, Funnier Football
    Ebook136 pages36 minutes

    Fitter, Faster, Funnier Football

    By Michael Cox

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    About this ebook

    From bizarre tales of triumph to incredible facts about footballers, this is an informative, interactive and hilarious guide to football - what it's all about and what made it what it is today. Packed with funny illustrations, inspirational ideas and amazing activities, this is a brilliant guide to football past and present.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBloomsbury Publishing
    Release dateMar 13, 2014
    ISBN9781408194683
    Fitter, Faster, Funnier Football
    Author

    Michael Cox

    Michael Cox is a writer of many non-fiction and fiction books for children including titles in the Dead Famous series, Johnny Catbiscuit and How to Drink From a Frog and Wild Things to do with Woodlice for A&C Black.

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      Book preview

      Fitter, Faster, Funnier Football - Michael Cox

      SO WHAT’S SO FUNNY ABOUT THE F OTBALL WORLD CUP?

      We all know that the international competition known as the FIFA World Cup is an awe-inspiring soccer spectacle in which world-class football teams battle for glory. But did you know that it’s also the setting for absolutely hundreds of weird, wonderful and wildly hilarious moments! In this book you will discover …

      Find out if you’ve got what it takes to be a World Cup soccer superhero, by completing two hilarious questionnaires: how to score a winning World Cup goal with the perfect penalty kick; and how to be a dynamic dribbler, superb shooter, heroic header, dauntless defender and gutsy goalie.

      And if that’s not enough to keep you glued to your football stadium seat, there are also World Cup quizzes to do and, brain teasers for you to try. Plus lots, lots more!

      So what are you waiting for! Lace up your footie boots, slot in your shin pads and slip on your shorts! Then it’s …

      1 FANTASTIC FOOTBALL

      HOW IT ALL STARTED

      Football officially began in England in 1848 when the first ever rules were laid down for the game at Cambridge University. But all sorts of versions of footy have been played for yonks longer than that. Some matches involved teams of a thousand players with goals ten miles apart, whilst others, such as ‘Calcio’ first played in the 16th century in Italy, involved a mere 27 players per team and took place in a giant sandpit.

      The footballs themselves have also varied a lot. Early ones were stuffed with materials ranging from fur, moss, grass and sawdust to caribou hair and, quite often, weren’t particularly round. However, the ‘Jabulani’ balls, which were used in the 2010 World Cup in South Africa, were claimed by their makers to be the ‘roundest footballs ever’. The ‘least round football ever’ was probably the one used in one of the first ever matches to be played in England. In this little 7th century ‘kick-around’, victorious Saxon warriors used the head of a defeated Viking prince as their ball (fortunately for him, it was no longer attached to his body).

      HOW TO PLAY ‘SHROVETIDE’ FOOTBALL, ASHBOURNE STYLE

      Even though they eventually gave up booting around the decapitated heads of Scandiwegian noblemen, many of these old soccer games continued to be extremely violent. And still are! For instance, the ‘footbrawl’ match which has been played on Pancake Day for at least eight hundred years in the Derbyshire town of Ashbourne. Read on to get an idea of how the modern game has come on since then.

      Split your players into two teams: the Up’Ards (players who live north of the river) and the Down’Ards (players who live south of the river).

      Don’t worry about limiting your teams to 11 men each. Have as many as 100, if you want to!

      Your goals are mill stones. Set them three miles apart, each one in the river. Yes, you’re going to get wet. In fact, you may well end up playing your entire game in the river!

      Suggest to the local shopkeepers that they board up their windows as, come ‘kick-off’ things around the town, will be getting a bit lively.

      Kick off at two in the afternoon and continue playing until ten at night – yes, a mere eight hours!

      Start your game by appointing a ‘turner upper’, that’s the person who stands on the raised ‘plinth’ then lobs the ball towards the

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