Unfinished Melody

Marni! Thank God you’re here. How can I ever repay you for this?

Ben, I was meant to be here. Yours was the only school that accepted me, and my boss sent me two hours away from home to work in a satellite office next to you and my niece. I’m just sorry I couldn’t come sooner.

Where are your bags?

Everything is in my car. Why don’t I go see how Alice is doing and we can unpack slowly. Mom sent a slew of stuff for the two of you. You know how she worries.

I couldn’t have survived without our two moms the past months. I’ve tried hard to keep it together for Ali, but there are days when I struggle to get out of bed. If it wasn’t for our sweet girl, I don’t know what I would have done. Marni’s anguished expression made me feel guilty for having said those words.

Don’t say things like that, Ben. You have Alice to care for, and you know Mel wanted you to move on with your life after she left. She specifically told me she didn’t want you to stop living—if anything, you need to be alive for Alice.

Melody Montgomery Howard was my childhood sweetheart and wife of ten years. We grew up next door to one another and lived the American Dream, until pneumonia unexpectedly took her life. After our baby girl was born, Melody caught a chest cold that turned deadly. It was so sudden; there was no time to prepare, if one could ever prepare for death. Before Mel went to bed that night, she told me how much she loved Alice and me. None of us expected her to stay asleep—forever.

Oh my gosh! You’re walking! My little Ali fell on her bottom when Marni’s yell frightened her. Come here, Baby Girl! I’m so happy to be here with you. You’ve grown so much since I last saw you. Marni picked up Ali, and loved her as if she was her own.

In many ways, Ali resembled Marni more than her own mother. While Melody was fair-skinned, and bleach-blonde, Marni was darker and redder all around. Melody’s skin was perfect, without a blotch or a sunspot. Marni had freckles to match the long red hair.

Our baby was born a blonde, but soon turned into a strawberry-blonde with green eyes to match. She was beautiful like her mother…and her aunt.

How’s Noah taking this move?

He’s not thrilled, but what can we do? Like I said. This was a work of God. Everything pointed north, so here I am.

I hope this doesn’t put a strain on your relationship.

Marni chose not to answer.

Damn. That wasn’t a good sign.

What shall we do my precious doll? Shall we go play with the instruments and allow your daddy to work? Have you had dinner, Ali?

We were waiting for you. Ali noshes all day, but I thought I’d take all of us out to a local café.

Sounds great. Let me get her ready for our trip. It’s cold out.

I’ll get the stroller and all the paraphernalia together.

Having Marni here was beyond ideal. It was as if she was home after a long sabbatical. Unlike a babysitter, I didn’t have to instruct her on anything. She knew where everything was, she knew Ali’s likes and dislikes, and she was family. She loved my daughter as if she was her own. I appreciated her for sacrificing her life to help us survive. We three could make it work—at least until one or both of us married, or remarried in my case.

Ready? My baby was in the arms of her aunt, jumping up and down, excited to have another loving face in this lonely house. Let’s go, Ali. Your daddy and I need to eat to keep up with your energy.

We walked all of a block to the restaurant. Marni easily placed Ali into a high chair, keeping her occupied with some Cheerios. I stared at this woman who had been a significant part of my life for so long. Never did I think our lives would intertwine again in such a tragic and complicated way. Nothing I could do would ever make up for the hurt I had caused her. But here she was, without a second thought, helping me during my worst crisis.

You sure you want to be here? I asked without thinking through my question. Had I not been watching her so closely, I would have missed how her body froze.

You and Ali mean the world to Mom and me. My niece needs me, so here I am. Her bold words relieved my heart. Her niece did need her; and to a greater degree, I needed her.

Thank you, Mar, I called her, watching her face light up, knowing…understanding.

We’re in this for the long haul, Ben. You need not thank me every time I do something for you or Ali. We are family. I know Mel would have wanted me to help.

Talking about Melody brought up too many unwanted emotions. The biggest part of me missed her; we loved each other without reserve. Every minute of the day, she was cheerful and grateful—a complete joy to be around. Her smiles were contagious and her laugh, infectious. No one could be around my wife and not feel her exuberance.

The only time she was down was when fertility issues plagued her. I was content to live with her the rest of our lives, with or without a child. Melody, being the doting person that she was, wasn’t satisfied. She needed a child—half her, half me—she’d say, to make her life complete. That’s when her big sister came into the picture, and back into my life in an intimate way. Before Alice was born, I questioned what we were doing, but I couldn’t disappoint my wife. Her happiness fulfilled me. Regardless of the consequences, my end goal was always about Melody.

Dadadada! The excitement in my daughter’s eyes brought me back to our meal. She was bouncing off her high chair, wanting my attention.

I pulled her out of her seat and held her in the air. What’s got you so excited, my firecracker? Is it because Auntie Mar is here?

Mamamama. My daughter was busy practicing her sounds.

Ali would never know her mama; that killed me. She’d never have a mom to call her own. I’d do my best to build a beautiful world for my little girl, full of rainbows, butterflies, and everything pink.

Ali, you want a bite of this banana? Marni had sliced and quartered the fruit, and handed her a piece on a small plastic fork once I settled her back in the high chair.

Babababa. Ali greeted her aunt’s question by chomping on her food.

She’s been talking a lot these days.

Marni continued to feed her. You want some strawberries, too, Cutie-Pie? With your hair and the freckle on your nose, you look just as delicious as this strawberry. Mar tickled Ali and gave her a kiss on the nose. Ali, in turn, giggled and touched Mar’s face with her banana-hands. They both looked happy with one another.

Our walk back home was all about Mar getting reacquainted with her Cutie-Pie. She held Ali’s hand while my baby attempted walking home. Rather than becoming frustrated with the constant stopping, falling, and scenery gazing, Mar gave an explanation about everything in our path. We stopped to pet a dog, we stopped to touch and smell the flowers, and we had to stop and touch the sand.

I can’t believe Mel wanted to move back to your parents’ home on the Strand. She hated the beach.

My hair’s so frizzy. The sand is so dirty. The air is so sticky. Mar laughed at my imitation of her sister.

She was a bit of a prima donna, huh?

A bit? My query brought on even more laughter. My wife was the ultimate dreamer and princess. I miss her badly—especially at night.

Mar’s laughter quickly faded. There was a mixture of anguish, guilt, and sadness on her face. She, too, missed her sister.

Mar sighed, and then kissed my baby in her arms. I love you, Baby Girl. We’re going to make sure you know how special your momma was, and how much she loved you. She gave up more than you’ll ever know to have you in her life. When you grow older, I’ll explain everything to you.

Back at home, I watched Mar give Ali a bath, outfit her for the night, read her all her favorite books, and kiss her goodnight. Though she technically had no kids of her own, she was an absolute natural. Ali took to her, like a baby to her mother. By the time I tried to squeeze into the bedtime routine, Ali’s eyes had shut for the night.

Thank you. Once again, and most likely many times over, I would express my appreciation for all that Mar was giving up to be here with us.

That was nice. Mar’s sweet smile reminded me of our good times. Inside that feisty, stubborn body lay a beautifully sweet woman. Only when her insecurities surfaced, did the smiles disappear.

I’d like to talk to you about a few things, I mentioned hesitantly. Did you want to get settled first, or talk first?

Can I swim, first? Marni had a weakness for water. She loved this home even more than I did. I assume the lap pool is still downstairs?

Giving her a nod, I allowed her to get her swim in before we sat down for a long talk.

I followed Mar to the first floor, grabbed a beer and turned on the TV while she exercised. The sloshing of the pool and the background noise of ESPN wasn’t enough to turn off the turmoil in my head. It took months of agonizing before I gave in, out of desperation. The fact that Ali was being passed around in day care, or with multiple babysitters, bothered the hell out of me. I wanted her to have a stable home life—preferably a life with her mother.

Damn. Who would have ever thought I’d be a widower with a young child at this age.

I stocked up on your favorite beer when you agreed to come live with us, I called over to Mar who was getting out of the pool.

You’re determined to make me stay here indefinitely by bribing me with beer and…

…hot wings, I chuckled. I ordered five dozen from that crappy bar down the street, and they’ve been sitting in the freezer since yesterday. You want me to pop some in the oven?

Damn you. I’m going to be back to my pregnancy weight at this rate.

From the back, no one noticed you were carrying until…

…that last damn month when I ballooned into the size of a whale.

Images of Mar waddling around had me gasping for air, I was laughing so hard.

It…wasn’t…that…bad… I could only say those words in between fits of coughs and hard breathing.

You’re an ass. That’s the thanks I get for doing you a favor…

I knew Mar wasn’t angry, but the way she left her thought wide open, we were in for a long night.

Can we talk about everything? This conversation is long overdue. I’m just sorry Mel isn’t here to join us in the conversation.

Let me shower, first?

What could I say to this deflection?

No words were needed. While Mar went upstairs to clean up, I stayed with my beer thinking about all that needed to be said tonight.

The topics were endless:

Ali.

The pregnancy.

Mel’s response during the nine months.

Mel’s response after the nine months.

Mar’s resistance and eventual estrangement.

Noah.

Mar’s new home.

Our past.

Our present.

Our future.

Shit. This was going to be a long night.

Chapter 1 Marni (Past)

Home ~Michael Bublé

Marni! Thank God you’re here! My sister began bawling the second she saw me.

I’m here, Mel. I’ll be here as long as you need me. Don’t cry. It broke my heart to see her look so weak.

I’m so sorry! she agonized. I didn’t want to die before asking you to forgive me for all I’ve done to you. I took away everyone you’ve ever loved. I didn’t mean to ruin your life. I’m sorry. Please tell me you forgive me. Melody continually pled with me. Her crying wouldn’t abate, and she was part delirious.

About two hours ago, I received a call from my little sister saying she was sick and that she needed me. I dropped everything and raced up here. When I arrived, Ben told me that Mel had walking pneumonia. It went untreated and now, she was battling a chest infection that hindered her breathing.

Melody. Stop being so dramatic. You’re going to be fine. I expect to see you up and dancing around with your baby in a few days.

I’m so scared, Mar. I don’t know why, but I don’t think I’m going to live to see Ali’s first birthday.

It’s the medicine and your fever making you talk gibberish. You’re going to be fine, Mel. I did my best to reassure her, but my sister continued to fret.

No. God is punishing me for all the sins I’ve committed against you. I’m sorry I made you go away. Mom and I shouldn’t have shut you out of Ali’s life.

Mel. I leaned over and hugged my sister. God is not punishing you. There are no sins against me. I am not harboring any anger.

But you’re hurt. I know you’re hurt. Melody looked so weak, but she was adamant about having this private conversation with me. The last thing she needed was to exert her energy on me.

I decided to give in and agree with my sister for the sake of getting her to rest. Yes, I was hurt. But, I’m all right now. I wouldn’t have pumped and sent you breast milk every day if I was angry with you. Mel nodded her head in agreement. You and your mom could have asked me to leave in a nicer way, but what’s done is done. I know you were emotional during that time. I was probably at fault, too, for not including you in the childrearing duties. Yes. I was at fault, too. Please, God. Help my sister to fall asleep so she could get better soon.

Do you forgive me for what I asked of you?

Yes, Mel. I forgive you for everything you’ve asked of me.

Do you forgive me for taking away the only man you’ve ever loved?

How would I combat this question? What Ben and I had was high school love. Nobody marries his or her high school sweetheart. I love Noah, now.

You don’t love Noah, at least not the way you loved Ben.

How do you figure, Little Sister? I’ve been with Noah almost as long as I was with Ben.

He doesn’t make you laugh like you used to with Ben. When you look at Noah, it’s not that same look of love I saw when I was younger. You definitely don’t talk about Noah as often as you used to talk about Ben.

Her assessment made me laugh. Maybe Noah isn’t as funny as Ben. Your husband has that goofy side to him that makes a passing stranger laugh. Finally, my gorgeous sister smiled. As for making googly eyes at Ben back in high school, I think you’re mistaking yourself for me. I know you’ve had the biggest crush on Ben since you were in grade school. It was you who was awestruck every time Ben walked into a room, not me. Mel’s eyes got dreamy with talks of her husband. She truly loved Ben. He was a lucky man. "To refute your last point, I don’t talk as much now on any topic as I did back in high school. I don’t have that same kind of energy. It has nothing to do with the subject."

You’re deflecting in the same Marni-fashion as you’ve always done. You loved Ben and I took him away from you.

Ten plus years later, this was all water under the bridge. It didn’t matter whom I loved, how much I loved him, and who took whom away from whom. OK. I’ll agree to everything you say. I’ll forgive you and everyone in this hospital if you’ll agree to save your energy and sleep. This talk is so not necessary, Melody. We are many years beyond what’s happened, and you have a beautiful baby girl to raise.

At the mention of Alice, Melody Howard, my beloved sister, started crying. I don’t know how I could have asked you to make that last sacrifice. I’m the most selfish person in this world. Do you forgive me?

"Mel. Thanks to your selfishness, we have a beautiful baby girl who will be the apple of all of our eyes. How can you ask me to forgive you when you gave me a beautiful gift, too? I love Ali. I know you and Ben love her more than life itself. What you did wasn’t selfish."

Are you sure? she whispered. She was running out of strength. I only hoped she would fall asleep immediately.

Unconventional, yes. Selfish, no. I should be thanking you for convincing me to carry Ali. Those were the most perfect nine months of my life. If I had to do it all over again, I’d do it the exact same way.

Before I sleep, will you promise me one more thing?

Sure, Sister. Anything.

Promise me that you’ll take care of Ali if anything happens to me. Mel was back to pleading.

I was alarmed at her insistence. Mel. Nothing is going to happen to you. In a few days, we’ll all be home and you and I will be laughing about today.

Please promise me that you’ll love Ali because she’s your own and you’ll convince Ben to marry again. He’s too young and loving to be alone.

I couldn’t take the waterfall of tears running down her face; I promised her all her wishes.

I will take care of Ali and Ben. This is the last promise I’m making for today. You need to sleep and regain your strength.

One more thing, Sis.

Last one, Mel, I warned.

Promise me you won’t resist finding love with Ben again.

Melody Montgomery Howard! I want you to stop this senseless talk.

You, Ben, and Ali will make a beautiful family. It was how it was supposed to be.

OK! I stood up and placed the blanket over her body. Go to sleep, Melody Howard. That’s an order. If you’re good and fall asleep now, I’ll bring you a video of your baby.

The thought of Alice made my sister smile. Tell Ben and Ali I love them. And tell everyone that I’m going home.

I will let everyone know that you will be going home very soon.

Little did I know that I would be the last person to talk to Melody Montgomery Howard before she went home to her Maker. My little sister, Ben’s loving wife, and Alice’s devoted mother, died in her sleep after saying her piece and after making her peace.

Chapter 1 Noah (Present)

Home ~Michael Bublé

Marni! Thank God, you’re still here. I thought you’d left already. I breathed hard, having run up the stairs to catch her.

I thought you were gone for the day, she answered while grabbing the last of her bags to place in the car.

I got as far as the freeway and couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let you go without another fight. Truly, I was tired of this. The energy to spar verbally with Marni Montgomery left me yesterday, an hour after Ben Howard’s call.

By the look of her bloodshot eyes, Marni had been crying. This was a sign of hope for me. We’ve been through all this already, her voice cracked.

Help me understand,