Weed: 420 Things You Didn't Know (or Remember) about Cannabis
By I.M. Stoned
4/5
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About this ebook
No matter what you call marijuana, it's still dope.
In this irreverent and all-inclusive look at cannabis, you will learn all there is to know about the psychoactive substance Bill Clinton didn't inhale - but many others did - including:
- How pot can help cure a hangover
- Why The Man really doesn’t want to legalize weed
- How to make a bong from an apple
- The real deal behind Reefer Madness
- And more!
I.M. Stoned
An Adams Media author.
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Weed - I.M. Stoned
weed
420 things you didn't know or remember about Cannabis
I.M. STONED
Copyright © 2009 Simon and Schuster
All rights reserved.
This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without permission from the
publisher; exceptions are made for brief excerpts used in published reviews.
Published by
Adams Media, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
57 Littlefield Street, Avon, MA 02322. U.S.A.
www.adamsmedia.com
ISBN 10: 1-4405-0349-4
ISBN 13: 978-1-4405-0349-8 (paperback)
ISBN 13: 978-1-44050-444-0 (EPUB)
Printed in the United States of America.
J I H G F E D C B A
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
is available from the publisher.
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information with regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional advice. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.
— From a Declaration of Principles jointly adopted by a Committee of the American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations
marijuana leaf © iStockphoto/Enjoylife2, joint © iStockphoto/itayuri, burn holes © iStockphoto/khoj_badami, smoke © iStockphoto/Kasia75, paper © iStockphoto/billnoll
This book is available at quantity discounts for bulk purchases.
For information, please call 1-800-289-0963.
CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION
CHAPTER ONE THE CLIFF'S NOTES GUIDE TO WEED
1. Schwag: The Other Green Weed
2. Kush: Rapper's Delight
3. Purple Haze: Wander Weed
4. G-13: Government-Issued Grass?
5. Skunk: The Dank with the Stank
6. Panama Red: Endorsed by Jerry Garcia
7. Bubbleberry: Weedalicious
8. Northern Lights: Newbie Delight
9. Ice: Bling for Bongs
10. White Widow: Watch Your Back
11. Cannabis: Hands-Down Your Favorite Plant
12. Marijuana: Officially Tied to Mexico
13. Ganja: Thank Southeast Asia for This One
14. 420: It's about That Time …
15. Hemp: Eco-Friendly … and Illegal
16. Mary Jane: Fewer Syllables Than Marijuana
17. Herb: Cooks Up Extra Nice
18. Reefer: Madness, Indeed!
19. Skunk: Potent Smell, Higher Than High
20. Hashish: Arabian Etymology
CHAPTER TWO HAVE YOUR WEED, AND EAT IT TOO
21. Roll It with Your Homies
22. B Is for Bowls
23. It's Also for Bongs
24.… And for Blunts (Potheads Love Their Bs)
25. Ooey-Gooey Sticky-Icky
26. Buon Appetito, Mon
27. Lobster with Bud Butter
28. Scooby Doobie Doo
29. Tea-H-C
30. Piece of the Middle East
31. Twinkle Toes
32. Break and Bake, Courtesy of Toll House
33. Pizza, Pizza!
34. Yo Quiero Nachos?
35. Fry It Up!
36. Betcha Can't Eat Just One
37. Pickles: Craved by Stoners and Pregnant Women Everywhere
38. Got Milkshake?
39. The Classic: Doritos
40. Dangerously Cheesy Cheetos
41. DIY Bongs and Bowls
42. An Apple a Day … Keeps the Jones Away
43. The Water Bottle Bowl: Stay Hydrated — and High
44. The Water Bottle Bong: Recycling at Its Best
45. A Can Will Work in a Pinch
46. The Party Bong, Courtesy of Poland Springs
47. Mountain Dew Gravity Bong
48. A Highlighter High
49. Coconuts for Cannabis
50. The Bong Goes Back to Its Roots
CHAPTER THREE POT ETIQUETTE
51. Don't Expect Lots of Idle Chit-Chat
52. Don't Mention Your Relative Who Works for the DEA
53. Don't Try to Pay with Postdated Checks
54. Don't Ask Your Dealer to Hang Out
55. Do Mind Your Manners (But Keep It Brief!)
56. Don't Make Any Sudden Movements
57. Do Keep Phone Hookups Short and Sweet
58. Do Dress for the Occasion
59. Don't Try to Negotiate the Price
60. Do Follow Your Dealer's Lead Without Question
61. Always Pay for What You're Going to Smoke
62. Never Slobber Over the End of a Joint
63. Never Pack a Bowl Without Asking
64. Never Talk about Anything Too Serious
65. Never Bogart
66. Never Volcano
67. Never Yell at Someone Who Is High
68. Never Bring Skunk Weed to a Party
69. Never Raid Someone Else's Cabinets When You Have the Munchies
70. Always Be the Funny Person
CHAPTER FOUR THE COMPANY YOU KEEP
71. Two-Faced Tommy, the Informant
72. No-Name Shmoe, the Guy Nobody Knows
73. Nick the Narc, the Overly Enthusiastic to Get High Guy
74. Sally, the (Vindictive) Ex
75. Mr. Johnson, the Old Guy Who Lives Next Door
76. Pax, the Stereotype
77. Robbie Jr., the Little Brother
78. George, the (Square) Roommate
79. Nick the Narc, the Twenty-Questions Guy
80. Wyatt, the Dude Who Just Doesn't Get It
81. Mikey, the Mooch
82. Frankie, the Faker
83. Eddie, the Emotional One
84. Sam, the Straight-Edge Kid
85. Stevie, the Snob
86. Ollie, the Oppressed Smoker
87. Erin, the Ex
88. Fran, the Former Addict
89. Sunbeam, the Smelly Hippy
90. Paul, the Parent
91. Do You Have Change for an Ounce?
92. Cop Foiled by Pot
93. It Really Isn't Easy to Be Green
94. You Can't Make It Much Easier on the Police
95. You Should Be Worried Your Kids Are Messed Up When …
96. Candidates for the Dumbest Criminal Award
97. Selling Weed on Craigslist — Bad Idea
98. Weed Googles
99. Yeah, the Economy Is Bad and All, But Still …
100. The Perfect Place to Grow Weed
CHAPTER FIVE DOUBLE-CHECK WHAT YOUR SOURCES TELL YOU
101. Amsterdam, Man
102. Cali's Emerald Triangle
103. Vermont Isn't Just for Skiing and Fishing
104. Across the Border, Mexico (If You're Crazy)
105. Your Backyard Bonanza
106. Build a Water Park in Your Basement
107. A Greenhouse Is for Grass
108. In a Broken-Down Car on Your Lawn
109. Take a Hike for a High
110. Fire Up on a Fire Escape
111. Any Relative of a Police Officer Is Just a Narc-in-Training
112. A Playground Is Tempting with Those Swing Sets
113. Concerts: These Are the Real Deal (Oh, Supposedly They Have Music Too)
114. Medical Supply Companies: Come on, You Saw That Scene in Half Baked
115. Carnies — No, Bad, No, Don't Think about It!
116. The Biggest Douche in Your Neighborhood
117. Your Friendly Local Hippie Might Smell, But That Can Be Overlooked
118. Jail Has at Least One Benefit
119. Local College Campus: The Kids Aren't All Right But That's All Right
120. Friends of Your Parents Are as Good as Giving Your Weed Away
CHAPTER SIX A PSA BROUGHT TO YOU BY THC
121. Why Weed Is Better than Alcohol
122. Why Weed Is Better than Crack Cocaine
123. Why Weed Is Better than Acid
124. Why Weed Is Better than Crystal Meth
125. Why Weed Is Better than Heroin
126. Why Weed Is Better than Ecstasy
127. Why Weed Is Better than PCP
128. Why Weed Is Better than Huffing Paint Fumes
129. Why Weed Is Better than Tobacco
130. Why Weed Is Better than That New Drug Your Cousin the Amateur Chemist Made
131. Buying Drugs Equals Funding Terrorism
132. They'll Understand
133. Smoking Pot Will Make You Run Over Kids on Bikes
134. The ONDCP's 1999–2004 Advertising Failures
135. Marijuana Affects Your Relationship with Your Dog
136. Nancy, Such a Naysayer
137. A Brain Omelet Actually Sounds Delicious
138. Stoned Sonny, '70s-Style PSA
139. I Learned It from You!
140. Burrito-Taster Ad
141. Marijuana Sizzles Brain Cells
142. Grass Gunks Up Your Lungs
143. It Makes You Look Like Hell
144. You'll Make Stupid Choices
145. Weed + Munchies = Weight Gain
146. Say Hello to Hallucinations
147. Weed Weakens the Immune System
148. Smoking + Pregnancy = No Go
149. A Performance Under-Enhancing Drug
150. And What about Jail Time?
CHAPTER SEVEN GANJA SURVIVAL GUIDE
151. Maxwell House High
152. Purina Pot Stash
153. The Deodorant Stick Trick
154. Wake and Bake
155. Your Socks (When They Are on Your Feet)
156. Your Fake Limb (A Niche Market)
157. Cargo in the Car
158. Your Dreadlocks …
159. Praise Jesus for Pot
160. Cannabis Canisters
161. Hit the Road
162. Get High Up High
163. At the Carnival (Except If You're Afraid of Clowns)
164. At Your House (An Immediate Plus Is Your Movement Is Minimal)
165. Natural Health Food Stores Aren't Only for Losing Munchy Pounds
166. Jam Out with Your Gram Out
167. Parks and Recreational Drugs
168. Workin' Nine to High
169. Sand, Surf, Stoned
170. Dorm Dazed
171. Oregano: The Oldest Trick in the Book
172. Donate Pot Cookies for the Charity Bake Sale
173. Slip Some Stank into Chili for the Family BBQ
174. Piss in a Bong
175. Offer a Joint Filled with Pencil Shavings
176. Replace Herb Blend
with Herb Blend
177. Take Two, Tobacco in the Bong
178. Prank Call Someone and Pretend to Be a Weed Dealer
179. Prank Call a Weed Dealer and Pretend to Be the FBI
180. Steal Your Parents' Doob
CHAPTER EIGHT THE HIGHS OF BEING HIGH
181. Spark Up, Spark Creativity
182. It Makes Life More Bearable
183. Hair of the Dime Bag
184. Toke Up, Get a Call from Judd Apatow
185. Toke Up, Get a Call from Jennifer Aniston
186. Pothead Poker Face
187. Reduce Your Carbon Footprint
188. Mary Jane as Meds
189. Non-FDA-Approved Morning Sickness Relief
190. Red Wine + Pot = Young Mind
191. Jimmy, the Janitor at Your School
192. Wally, Your Friend's Weird Uncle
193. Bruno, the Dickhead Bouncer
194. Mary, Your Best Friend's Mom
195. Band Camp Geeks
196. Norm, Your NORML Rep
197. Laura, the Way, Way, Way Out of Your League Chick
198. Clyde, the Clerk at 7–11
199. The Band Playing Your City
200. Eddie Lee, the Chinese Food Delivery Guy
201. Take Two Pills and Call Me in the Morning
202. Wearing Your Weed
203. Fuel Up!
204. Fiber Me This …
205. Let the Pooch Play
206. Lay the Foundation with Hempcrete
207. Stay Hydrated with Hemp
208. Dope Rope
209. Homemade, with Hempseed
210. Pot Paper — Then and Now
CHAPTER NINE THIS IS YOU ON DRUGS … ANY QUESTIONS?
211. You Just Polished Off a Jar of Pickle Juice
212. For the Last Ten Minutes, You've Been Repeating the Same Word
213. Your Face Is Tingling
214. You Can Actually Tolerate Jam Bands
215. You Slept for More than Fifteen Consecutive Hours
216. You're Actually Laughing at Crappy Shows Like Gary, Unmarried
217. You're Driving Sixteen Miles per Hour (On the Highway)
218. Your Own Bad Poetry Is Making You Cry
219. You Don't Remember a Time When You Didn't Cough
220. You Take Absurdly Long Detours …
221. Being Killed
222. Parents Catching You Smoking
223. Medical Conditions
224. Time Warp
225. Running Out of Food
226. Everyone Knows You're High
227. The Weed Is Laced with a Hallucinogenic Drug
228. Going to Be High Forever
229. Cops
230. Flashing Lights (Especially If They're Blue)
CHAPTER TEN STONER UTOPIA
231. Rid the World of Horrible Corporate Rock
232. The Munchies Are Actually Helpful
233. Can't We All Just Get Along?
234. Smokin' Economic Stimulus
235. Take That, Al Gore
236. Change We Can Believe In
237. Going Dutch
238. Detroit Pot City
239. Feed the World … with Twinkies
240. Potheads Don't Know Left from Right
241. The Burning Man Model
242. Smoke Local
243. Uncle Smokin' Sam
244. Think of the Children!
245. Ending Pot Prejudice
246. Stoners Released from the Slammer
247. Make Love, Not War
248. Rastafarians Go Mainstream
249. Potheads Against Drunk Drivers
250. Let the Cops Eat More Donuts
CHAPTER ELEVEN THE WEED FACTS THAT WILL FREAK YOU OUT
251. Marijuana Is Dangerous
252. Marijuana Causes Permanent Psychological Impairment
253. Legalizing Marijuana Would Lead to More Auto Accidents
254. Hemp and Marijuana Are the Same
255. Marijuana Has No Medicinal Benefits
256. Marijuana Is More Potent Today than in the Past
257. The Marijuana Policy in the Netherlands Hasn't Worked
258. Antimarijuana Propaganda Works
259. Marijuana Use Makes You Lazy
260. Marijuana Kills Brain Cells
261. You Can Be Pious by Smoking Weed!
262. And You Thought You Had It Bad in America
263. If This Happened Every Time, You Would Want America Always to Be at War
264. No, You Wouldn't Get High If You Used the Tailpipe as a Bong
265. Your Coughing Fits Might Seem Like Death, But You Won't Actually Die
266. Scientists Have Actually Researched Why You Get the Munchies
267. You Used to Be Able to Pay Taxes with Hemp
268. You Know You Want to Smoke 2,700-Year-Old Pot Found in a Chinese Tomb
269. If You're Ever in a War, You'll Want This Camouflage Too
270. You Probably Would Tell the Truth with Just the Promise of Cannabis
CHAPTER TWELVE LIGHT UP, CAMERA, ACTION
271. Pineapple Express (2008)
272. Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle (2004)
273. Half Baked (1998)
274. The Big Lebowski (1998)
275. Friday (1995)
276. Apocalypse Now (1979)
277. Up in Smoke (1978)
278. Fritz the Cat (1972)
279. Easy Rider (1969)
280. Reefer Madness (1936)
281. 1408 (2007)
282. Donnie Darko (2001)
283. Dumb and Dumber (1994)
284. The Goonies (1985)
285. Pee Wee's Big Adventure (1985)
286. The NeverEnding Story (1984)
287. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
288. Help! (1965)
289. Alice in Wonderland (1951)
290. The Wizard of Oz (1939)
CHAPTER THIRTEEN MIXED WEEDIA
291. Weeds: Ticky-Tacky Baby Bongers
292. That '70s Show: Enter the Circle
293. Rescue Me: Blazing the Airways
294. Over There: FX Does It Again
295. Entourage: East Coast, West Coast Connex
296. Family Guy: The Pot Musical
297. Brain on Drugs? Flip to Noggin!
298. Bob Ross, Happy Little High
299. Anything on Adult Swim
300. Flight of the Conchords: High as a Kite Flying from New Zealand to New York
301. Pink Floyd
302. Phish
303. The Grateful Dead
304. Dave Matthews Band
305. The Beatles
306. Bob Marley
307. Cypress Hill
308. Snoop Dogg
309. Bob Dylan
310. The Doors
311. The Halo Series (Xbox)
312. Gun Fight (Arcade)
313. Super Mario Kart (SNES)
314. Super Mario Bros. 2 (NES)
315. Rock Band 1 and 2 (Multiple Consoles)
316. Animal Crossing (Various Nintendo Consoles)
317. Katamari Damacy (PlayStation 2)
318. Planescape: Torment (PC)
319. Madden: Whatever Year It Is (Multiple Consoles)
320. Seaman (Dreamcast)
321. Bill Hicks: Pot Advocate
322. Doug Benson: Pot PSA Backfires
323. Sarah Silverman: Everything's Better with Weed
324. Katt Williams: It's Just a Plant
325. Tommy Davidson: Sending Scooby Up in Smoke
326. Eddie Izzard: Founder of the Stoned Olympics
327. George Carlin: Old-School Stoner
328. Dave Chappelle: New-School Stoner
329. Nick Swardson: Dr. Dre Protegé
330. Arj Barker: High on Life
CHAPTER FOURTEEN CELEBRITIES AND POLITICIANS WHO GOT HIGHER IN LIFE
331. Woody Harrelson: His Natural Born Killers Character Really Should Have Mellowed Out
332. Matthew McConaughey: Starring in Dazed and Confused Was Only the Beginning
333. Kristen Stewart: If You Smoke Weed and Are a Vampire, You Have a Shot with Her
334. Jack Black: The Embodiment of Cannabis Classiness
335. Charlize Theron: She Could Definitely Pull Off Playing a Stoner
336. Cameron Diaz: She's Not Really Ditsy, She Just Smokes a Lot of Weed
337. Seth Rogen: Are Pot Movies Allowed to Be Made If He Isn't the Star?
338. Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown: Crack Is Whack, But Dope Is … Dope
339. Carrie Fisher: Maybe Her Dealer Was Yoda
340. Barbra Streisand: Rollin' with Brolin?
341. The Bong Olympics
342. M-E-T-H-O-D Man!
343. What a Jackass
344.