Angels in America: A Gay Fantasia on National Themes: Revised and Complete Edition
By Tony Kushner
4.5/5
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About this ebook
Angels in America: A Gay Fantasia on National Themes includes Part One, Millennium Approaches and Part Two, Perestroika
Glorious. A monumental, subversive, altogether remarkable masterwork Details of specific catastrophes may have changed since this Reagan-era AIDS epic won the Pulitzer and the Tony, but the real cosmic and human obsessionspower, religion, sex, responsibility, the future of the worldare as perilous, yet as falling-down funny, as ever.” Linda Winer, Newsday
"A vast, miraculous play... provocative, witty and deeply upsetting... a searching and radical rethinking of American political drama." - Frank Rich, New York Times
"A victory for theater, for the transforming power of the imagination to turn devastation into beauty." - John Lahr, New Yorker
An enormously impressive work of the imagination and intellect, a towering example of what theater stretched to its full potential can achieve.” -Philadelphia Inquirer
"Angels in America is the finest drama of our time, speaking to us of an entire era of life and death as no other play within memory. It ranks as nothing less than one of the greatest plays of the twentieth century." - John Heilpern, New York Observer
Some playwrights want to change the world. Some want to revolutionize theater. Tony Kushner is that rarity of rarities: a writer who has the promise to do both.” -New York Times
This new edition of Tony Kushner's masterpiece is published with the author's recent changes and a new introduction in celebration of the twentieth anniversary of its original production. One of the most honored American plays in history, Angels in America was awarded two Tony Awards for Best Play and the Pulitzer Prize for Drama. It was made into an Emmy Award-winning HBO film directed by Mike Nichols. This two-part epic, subtitled "A Gay Fantasia on National Themes," has received hundreds of performances worldwide in more than twenty-six languages.
Tony Kushner’s plays include Angels in America; Hydriotaphia, or the Death of Dr. Brown; The Illusion, adapted from the play by Pierre Cornelle; Slavs!; A Bright Room Called Day; Homebody/Kabul; Caroline, or Change, a musical with composer Jeanine Tesori; and The Intelligent Homosexual’s Guide to Capitalism and Socialism with a Key to the Scriptures. He wrote the screenplays for Mike Nichols’s film of Angels in America and for Steven Spielberg’s Munich and Lincoln. His books include The Art of Maurice Sendak: 1980 to the Present; Brundibar, with illustrations by Maurice Sendak; and Wrestling with Zion: Progressive Jewish-American Responses to the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict, co-edited with Alisa Solomon.
Among many honors, Kushner is the recipient of a Pulitzer Prize, two Tony Awards, three Obie Awards, two Evening Standard Awards, an Olivier Award, an Emmy Award, two Oscar nominations, and the Steinberg Distinguished Playwright Award. He is a member of the American Academy of Arts and Letters. In 2012, he was awarded a National Medal of Arts by President Barack Obama. He lives in Manhattan with his husband, Mark Harris.
Editor's Note
Tony Award nominee…
Tony Kushner’s epic play, exploring the AIDS epidemic in the 1980s, manages to capture the tension and fear of the disease before there was even a name for it.
Tony Kushner
Tony Kushner is Professor in History and director of the Parkes Institute for the Study of Jewish/non-Jewish Relations at the University of Southampton
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Reviews for Angels in America
364 ratings18 reviews
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5An extremely engaging and personal read. I was very impressed with what Kushner had to offer as a playwright and that he went the extra mile in this work. Not perfect, in my opinion, but an incredibly well done job.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Since I viewed this play again a few months ago, I was able to understand the script quite well. Even though this play was originally written in the 90's, it is unfortunately very relevant today.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A surreal work that examines the AIDS crisis of the 1980s. Bringing together such real people as Roy Cohn and Ethel Rosenberg (as a ghost, of course) with fictional characters created for the play, it creates a blending of fact and fantasy. Too long to be presented in one staging, the playwright broke the play into two parts, and both are presented in this text. It is easy to read and follow, in spite of surreal trappings, non-linear plots, and overlapping story lines. The story is simple and stark: men dying of AIDS in a world that would rather forget about them, and the political football of their disease, which arose just as America was sinking deep into an orgy of self-righteous ultra morality. The angels of the title are fighting against modernity, science, and progress; fortunately, the author doesn't take the usual direction for so many of these works and pretend that we would all be better and happier in an earlier, "simpler" day. He pushes back against the movement toward regression and reactionary movements from both the right and the left, and closes with a celebration of life moving on. A must read; in fact, if you have a chance to see it performed, it is also a must see.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5An amzingly thought provoking work which touches on a number of important issues, AIDS, goverment, capitalism vs. socialism and the list goes on. . .
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5In my view, the 20th century's greatest play (or two plays), Shakespearean in its scope.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I was skeptical, but had to read this book (play, really) for a class a few years ago. I've read it three times since then. It is a moving story about love, commitment, and despair.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I have no words to describe how much I adore this play. I may do a full review once I'm done with my research on the play for my course but all I can say to describe the play is wow.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Oooohhhhh Christ what a play. Expect me back in a few hours after I devour Part II.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This is the first play I've ever read where I actually pictured the entire story acted out on stage. Maybe that sounds stupid because hello, it's a play. But in the admittedly low number of plays I've read before this (more than half of which were written by Shakespeare), I always visualized the story like I was watching a movie. Kind of how it is when I read novels I guess. I don't know if the difference here was due in part to the very adamant and specific staging notes preceding the play, but while reading this I actually felt as if I was looking up at the stage as part of the audience. I can't tell you how much that actually needs to happen now. Damn, this was good.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A surreal work that examines the AIDS crisis of the 1980s. Bringing together such real people as Roy Cohn and Ethel Rosenberg (as a ghost, of course) with fictional characters created for the play, it creates a blending of fact and fantasy. Too long to be presented in one staging, the playwright broke the play into two parts, and both are presented in this text. It is easy to read and follow, in spite of surreal trappings, non-linear plots, and overlapping story lines. The story is simple and stark: men dying of AIDS in a world that would rather forget about them, and the political football of their disease, which arose just as America was sinking deep into an orgy of self-righteous ultra morality. The angels of the title are fighting against modernity, science, and progress; fortunately, the author doesn't take the usual direction for so many of these works and pretend that we would all be better and happier in an earlier, "simpler" day. He pushes back against the movement toward regression and reactionary movements from both the right and the left, and closes with a celebration of life moving on. A must read; in fact, if you have a chance to see it performed, it is also a must see.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I read this for class and it was just the most astounding thing ever. Bitingly incisive, uproariously funny, painful, and just brilliant playwriting. It's no wonder this is considered one of the greatest plays written in modern times. Read this and then watch the HBO miniseries.
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Read this play for a theatre course. I even memorized a monologue. This is a really coming of age story. Even though there's more education about what HIV and AIDS are out there now than ever I think there are millions of people who don't talk about it. This issue affects everyone and we have to believe that a cure will be found some day as treatments have already begun to show the positive outcomes for many survivors.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I haven't yet seen the HBO special based on this, but I can easily say that this play has broken ground in so many ways in the realm of modern theatre. I finished this epic work last night, and I had the unbelievable privilege of meeting Tony Kushner tonight and seeing him speak about the influence of Arthur Miller on his work. As I have been working on a reader's theatre involving Miller, this was a great opportunity for me in so many ways. Plus, I got to shake his hand and he signed my book. I can easily say that Kushner is third in a line of great American playwrights that influenced each other immensely (O'Neill, Miller, and then Kushner). Seeing him speak reemphasized the feelings I had about Angels in America and the deep feelings I was able to explore about the AIDS epidemic in the 1980s. Brilliant!
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This is a brilliant piece of theatre. Exposes the heart wrenching experiences of people across all sexual, racial, gender spectrums, amidst the horrors of the AIDS crisis. A must read!
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5O·ver·whelm·ing! Only O'neil comes close to the scope and importance of this work.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5"It isn't easy. It doesn't count if it's easy. It's the hardest thing, forgiveness. Maybe that's where love and justice finally meet."
These words, spoken by Belize, the moral center of the play, define what the play is about. Forgiveness, of others who have wronged us, and of ourselves when we have wronged others, is one of the most difficult things for humans to do. Husbands and wives, mothers and sons, gods and humans, lovers, friends, political adversaries, every relationship in this play requires forgiveness.
I didn't particularly like this play, until that line was spoken by Belize in the final act. And then it all made sense, and I realized it might be one of the greatest plays of the 20th century. - Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5A rich, rending look at faith, doubt, and the AIDS crisis in America.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5One of the greatest plays in the American cannon.
Book preview
Angels in America - Tony Kushner
Introduction
Should plays have introductions?
I started writing in the early 1980s, at a moment in American theater when introductions and other presumably helpful apparatuses—incredibly detailed historical timelines, research documentation and theoretical notation—announced the unapologetic embrace by narrative theater-makers of an intellectual and political seriousness that had previously been at home in European theaters and among American experimental theater artists. Dramaturgs arrived for the first time on the staffs of not-for-profit regional theaters; with the advent of production dramaturgy in America came a new deluge of prefatory and introductory information, served up from enormous black ring binders to the casts of plays as they sat around a table in the first days of rehearsal, and then offered to audiences in their theater programs. Formerly these programs were slim pamphlets containing lists of the production’s personnel and short biographies, place and time settings, and restaurant ads. Staff dramaturgs were now instructed to jam-pack programs with poetry, imagery, critical theory and facts, messages from the playwright, director and artistic director. Before they’d opened their programs, audiences most likely would have passed through lobby displays revealing the historical truths behind the fiction to which they were about to be exposed. I was enamored of this extra-theatrical informational bombardment. As a young playwright, I loved reading Shaw’s prefaces, and I looked forward to having plays of my own to preface. I felt only slightly guilty observing theatergoers diligently, frantically trying to absorb this embarrassment of supplementary illumination before the house lights dimmed and the play began.
I’ve changed, and in recent years I’ve grown averse to anything that intrudes itself upon an innocent audience and the play it’s about to watch, or an innocent reader about to read a play for the first time. If the playwright has done his or her job, if the production team and cast are doing theirs, the text of the play and the experience of watching or reading it should be sufficient unto itself.
The moment a play begins, or a reader takes in the words of the script on the first page, is as exciting and scary as any plunge into the ocean ought to be. Disappointment, bewilderment, outrage, great terror, pity and joy may follow, but these are only to be encountered once the plunge is made. Introductory material is for reluctant dawdlers and lag-behinds. A dusty grammar school usher and a sub-sub-librarian take many pages to tell you everything known about whales before each steps aside (well, before each dies, actually) to permit you to hazard the extremely perilous, mind-, heart- and molecule-altering voyage that is Moby-Dick, in the course of which voyage you realize that neither the usher nor the sub-sub, nor you, nor for that matter the crew of the Pequod nor their lunatic captain knows Thing One about what a whale is. When it’s a damp, drizzly November in your soul, Ishmael tells us, plunge in without preparation! The sea awaits!
If you’re still reading this and haven’t skipped ahead to the first scene, it could be because you strenuously disagree with me about introductions, or you’re unconvinced or simply agnostic on the subject. You may be asking yourself why I’m continuing to write this introduction deploring introducing—a reasonable question. I suppose it’s because a good deal of time has passed since I wrote Angels, and, while I have no desire to introduce the two plays of which it’s comprised, I feel I ought to make mention of what’s changed. Maybe I haven’t changed as much as I hoped, or as much as I ought.
I began writing these plays—I thought at the time that I was writing a single play—in 1987, when I was thirty-one years old. The AIDS epidemic was in its sixth year, the Reagan administration in its seventh. It was a terrifying and galvanizing time. I finished the first draft of Millennium Approaches in 1988, and the first draft of Perestroika in 1990. So Angels in America is approximately twenty-two years old, and I’m precisely fifty-six.
This edition incorporates changes I’ve made to Angels over the past several years. Most of these changes are to be found in Part Two, Perestroika, which is now closer to complete than it’s ever been. I can’t quite bring myself to write that it’s complete. Since the day I finished the first draft of Perestroika, I’ve always known that it’s one of those plays that refuses to be entirely in harmony with itself. Some plays want to sprawl, some plays contain expansiveness, roughness, wildness and incompleteness in their DNA. These plays may, if they’re not misunderstood and dismissed as failed attempts at tidiness, speak more powerfully about what’s expansive, rough, wild and incomplete in human life than plays with tauter, more efficient, more cleanly constructed narratives.
Millennium Approaches has a taut, efficient narrative, and I’ve never seen any need to change it. In this edition it’s substantially the same play that was first published nearly twenty years ago, although as a result of the work on both parts of Angels for the Signature Theatre’s 2010 revival, a few minor alterations were made to it.
Significant changes have been made to Perestroika. I discovered what I believed to be a missing thread in its narrative, the substructural space for which, I realized, I’d laid in long before I knew what use to make of it. In this version, with a little help from my friends and a very long preview period, that thread has been woven in. I won’t specify to which moments I’m referring, because calling attention to them would undermine the effort made to integrate the new material. Of course there are two other published versions of Perestroika, and anyone with sufficient time and interest can make comparisons, but most people have better things to do with their time. Life, after all, is always shorter than we think.
I think a lot more about mortality at fifty-six than I did at thirty-one. At fifty-six, I’m more certain of my own mortality, as it presses nearer, and much more uncertain about the future existence of my species than I was when I started writing Angels. Time has vindicated some of the plays’ conflictedly optimistic spirit; progress has been made. Angels is not teleological, its apocalyptic forebodings notwithstanding. As the dead old rabbi says in Perestroika (in a scene relegated in this edition to the back of the book), hope, when it can’t be discovered in certainty, can almost always be located in indeterminacy, and Angels is a hopeful work.
Unfortunately, the passing years have been equally if not more confirming of the plays’ aforementioned apocalyptic forebodings, which loom darker and resound more ominously for contemporary audiences and readers.
Angels in America, more than twenty years old, survives, as do I. I’m utterly and happily in the dark about the longevity of my work, but I hope Angels outlasts me, I hope it will continue to be entertaining and of interest and use to people for years to come. I hope there’ll be people for years to come.
I’m writing this introduction the day before America goes to the polls to vote for Mitt Romney or Barack Obama for president. This is the place from which it seems to me I’ve always written, perched on the knife’s edge of terror and hope. It’s familiar enough, though today the edge is sharper than it’s ever been, and the two worlds it divides, one of light, one of darkness, seem respectively more brilliant and more abysmal, more extremely opposed than ever before.
Whatever tomorrow brings,* the future—I’m reasonably certain of this—remains indeterminate.
Tony Kushner
November 5, 2012
* It turned out OK. (TK, November 2013)
Part One:
MILLENNIUM
APPROACHES
THE CHARACTERS
IN MILLENNIUM APPROACHES
ROY M. COHN,* a successful New York lawyer and unofficial power broker.
JOSEPH PORTER PITT, chief clerk for Justice Theodore Wilson of the Federal Court of Appeals, Second Circuit.
HARPER AMATY PITT, Joe’s wife, an agoraphobic with a mild Valium addiction.
LOUIS IRONSON, a word processor working for the Second Circuit Court of Appeals.
PRIOR WALTER, Louis’s boyfriend. Occasionally works as a club designer or caterer, otherwise lives very modestly but with great style off a small trust fund.
HANNAH PORTER PITT, Joe’s mother, currently residing in Salt Lake City, living off her deceased husband’s army pension.
BELIZE, a registered nurse and former drag queen whose name was originally Norman Arriaga; Belize is a drag name that stuck.
THE ANGEL, four divine emanations, Fluor, Phosphor, Lumen and Candle; manifest in One: the Continental Principality of America. She has magnificent steel-gray wings.
Other Characters in Millennium Approaches
RABBI ISIDOR CHEMELWITZ, an orthodox Jewish rabbi, played by the actor playing Hannah.
MR. LIES, Harper’s imaginary friend, a travel agent, played by the actor playing Belize. In style of dress and speech he suggests a jazz musician; he always wears a large lapel badge emblazoned IOTA
(International Order of Travel Agents).
THE MAN IN THE PARK, played by the actor playing Prior.
THE VOICE, the voice of the Angel.
HENRY, Roy’s doctor, played by the actor playing Hannah.
EMILY, a nurse, played by the actor playing the Angel.
MARTIN HELLER, a Reagan Administration Justice Department flackman, played by the actor playing Harper.
SISTER ELLA CHAPTER, a Salt Lake City real-estate saleswoman, played by the actor playing the Angel.
PRIOR I, the ghost of a dead Prior Walter from the thirteenth century, played by the actor playing Joe. A blunt, grim, dutiful, medieval farmer, he speaks abruptly and rather loudly with a guttural Yorkshire accent.
PRIOR 2, the ghost of a dead Prior Walter from the seventeenth century, played by the actor playing Roy. A Londoner, a Restoration-era sophisticate and bon vivant; he speaks with an elegant Received English accent.
THE ESKIMO, played by the actor playing Joe.
A HOMELESS WOMAN, an unmedicated psychotic who lives on the streets of the South Bronx; played by the actor playing the Angel.
ETHEL ROSENBERG, played by the actor playing Hannah.
* The character Roy M. Cohn is based on the late Roy M. Cohn (1927–1986), who was all too real; for the most part the acts attributed to the character Roy, such as his illegal conferences with Judge Kaufmann during the trial of Ethel Rosenberg, are to be found in the historical record. But this Roy is a work of dramatic fiction; his words are my invention, and liberties have been taken.
Millennium Approaches is dedicated to Mark Bronnenberg
In a murderous time
the heart breaks and breaks
and lives by breaking.
—STANLEY KUNITZ, The Testing-Tree
ACT ONE:
Bad News
October–November 1985
Scene 1
The end of October. Rabbi Isidor Chemelwitz alone onstage with a small coffin. It is a rough pine box with two wooden pegs, one at the foot and one at the head, holding the lid in place. A prayer shawl embroidered with a Star of David is draped over the lid, and at the head of the coffin, a yahrzeit candle is burning.
The Rabbi speaks sonorously, with a heavy Eastern European accent, unapologetically consulting a sheet of notes for the family names.
RABBI ISIDOR CHEMELWITZ: Hello and good morning. I am Rabbi Isidor Chemelwitz of the Bronx Home for Aged Hebrews. We are here this morning to pay respects at the passing of Sarah Ironson, devoted wife of Benjamin Ironson, also deceased, loving and caring mother of her sons Morris, Abraham, and Samuel, and her daughters Esther and Rachel; beloved grandmother of Max, Mark, Louis, Lisa, Maria . . . uh . . . Lesley, Angela, Doris, Luke and Eric. (Looks closer at paper) Eric? This is a Jewish name? (Shrugs) Eric. A large and loving family. We assemble that we may mourn collectively this good and righteous woman.
(He looks at the coffin)
This woman. I did not know this woman. I cannot accurately describe her attributes, nor do justice to her dimensions. She was . . . Well, in the Bronx Home for Aged Hebrews are many like this, the old, and to many I speak but not to be frank with this one. She preferred silence. So I do not know her and yet I know her. She was . . . (He touches the coffin) . . . not a person but a whole kind of person, the ones who crossed the ocean, who brought with us to America the villages of Russia and Lithuania—and how we struggled, and how we fought, for the family, for the Jewish home, so that you would not grow up here, in this strange place, in the melting pot where nothing melted. Descendants of this immigrant woman, you do not grow up in America, you and your children and their children with the goyische names, you do not live in America, no such place exists. Your clay is the clay of some Litvak shtetl, your air the air of the steppes. Because she carried the old world on her back across the ocean, in a boat, and she put it down on Grand Concourse Avenue, or in Flatbush, and she worked that earth into your bones, and you pass it to your children, this ancient, ancient culture and home.
(Little pause)
You can never make that crossing that she made, for such Great Voyages in this world do not any more exist. But every day of your lives the miles that voyage between that place and this one you cross. Every day. You understand me? In you that journey is.
So . . .
She was the last of the Mohicans, this one was. Pretty soon . . . all the old will be dead.
Scene 2
Same day. Roy and Joe in Roy’s office. Roy at an impressive desk, bare except for a very elaborate phone system, rows and rows of flashing buttons that bleep and beep and whistle incessantly, making chaotic music underneath Roy’s conversations. Joe is sitting, waiting. Roy conducts business with great energy, impatience and sensual abandon: gesticulating, shouting, cajoling, crooning, playing the phone’s receiver, its hold button and the buttons for its numerous lines with virtuosity and love.
ROY (Hitting the hold button): Hold. (To Joe) I wish I was an octopus, a fucking octopus. Eight loving arms and all those suckers. Know what I mean?
JOE: No, I—
ROY (Gesturing to a deli platter of little sandwiches on his desk): You want lunch?
JOE: No, that’s OK really I just—
ROY (Hitting a button): Ailene? Roy Cohn. Now what kind of a greeting is—I thought we were friends, Ai— Look Mrs. Soffer you don’t have to get— You’re upset. You’re yelling. You’ll aggravate your condition, you shouldn’t yell, you’ll pop little blood vessels in your face if you yell— No that was a joke, Mrs. Soffer, I was joking—I already apologized sixteen times for that, Mrs. Soffer, you . . . (While she’s fulminating, Roy covers the mouthpiece with his hand and talks to Joe) This’ll take a minute, eat already, what is this tasty sandwich here it’s— (He takes a bite of a sandwich) Mmmmm, liver or some— Here. (He pitches the sandwich to Joe, who catches it and returns it to the platter. Back to Mrs. Soffer) Uh-huh, uh-huh . . . No, I already told you it wasn’t a vacation it was business, Mrs. Soffer, I have clients in Haiti, Mrs. Soffer, I—Listen, Ailene, YOU THINK I’M THE ONLY GODDAMN LAWYER IN HISTORY EVER MISSED A COURT DATE?! Don’t make such a big fucking— Hold. (He hits the hold button) You HAG!
JOE: If this is a bad time—
ROY: Bad time? This is a good time! (Button) Baby doll, get me— Oh fuck, wait. (Button) Hello? Yah. Sorry to keep you holding, Judge Hollins, I— Oh Mrs. Hollins, sorry dear, deep voice you got. Enjoying your visit? (Hand over mouthpiece again; to Joe) She sounds like a truck driver and he sounds like Kate Smith, very confusing. Nixon appointed him, all the geeks are Nixon appointees. (To Mrs. Hollins) Yeah, yeah right good so how many tickets dear? Seven? For what, Cats, 42nd Street, what? No you wouldn’t like La Cage, trust me, I know. Oh for godsake. Hold. (Hold button, button) Baby doll, seven for Cats or something, anything hard to get, I don’t give a fuck what and neither will they. (Button; to Joe) You see La Cage?
JOE: No, I—
ROY: Fabulous. Best thing on Broadway. Maybe ever. (Button) Who? Aw, Jesus H. Christ, Harry, no, Harry, Judge John Francis Grimes, Manhattan Family Court. Do I have to do every goddamn thing myself? Touch the bastard, Harry, and don’t call me on this line again, I told you not to.
JOE (Starting to get up): Roy, uh, should I wait outside or—
ROY (To Joe): Oh sit. (To Harry) You hold. I pay you to hold fuck you Harry you jerk. Half-wit dick-brain. (Hold button, then he looks at Joe. A beat, then:)
I see the universe, Joe, as a kind of sandstorm in outer space with winds of mega-hurricane velocity, but instead of grains of sand it’s shards and splinters of glass. You ever feel that way? Ever have one of those days?
JOE: I’m not sure I—
ROY: So how’s life in Appeals? How’s the judge?
JOE: He sends his best.
ROY: He’s a good man. Loyal. Not the brightest man on the bench, but he has manners. And a nice head of silver hair.
JOE: He gives me a lot of responsibility.
ROY: Yeah, like writing his decisions and signing his name.
JOE: Well . . .
ROY: He’s a nice guy. And you cover admirably.
JOE: Well, thanks, Roy, I—
ROY (Button): Yah? Who is this? Well who the fuck are you Hold. (Hold button) Harry? Eighty-seven grand, something like that. Fuck him. Eat me. New Jersey, chain of porno film stores in, uh, Weehawken. That’s—Harry, that’s the beauty of the law. (Hold button, button) So, baby doll, what? Cats? Ugh. (Button) Cats! It’s about cats. Singing cats, you’ll love it. Eight o’clock, the theater’s always at eight. (Button) Fucking tourists. (He puts his finger on the button for the line on which Harry is holding; before pushing it, to Joe) Oh live a little, Joe, eat something for Christ sake.
JOE: Um, Roy, could you—
ROY: What? (Pushing the button; to Harry) Hold a minute. (Hold button, button) Mrs. Soffer? Mrs.— (Button, to Baby Doll) God-fucking-damnit to hell, where is— (Continue below:)
JOE: Roy, I’d really appreciate it if—
ROY (Continuous from above): Well she was here a minute ago, baby doll, see if—
(The phone starts making three different beeping sounds, all at once.)
ROY (Smashing buttons): Jesus fuck this goddamn thing! (Continue below:)
JOE: I really wish you wouldn’t—
ROY (Continuous from above): Baby doll? Ring the Post get me Suzy see if—
(The phone starts whistling loudly.)
ROY: CHRIST!
JOE: Roy.
ROY (Into receiver): Hold. (Hold button; to Joe) What?
JOE: Could you please not take the Lord’s name in vain?
(Pause.)
JOE: I’m sorry. But please. At least while I’m . . .
ROY (Laughs, then): Right. Sorry. Fuck.
Only in America. (Punches a button) Baby doll, tell ’em all to fuck off. Tell ’em I died. You handle Mrs. Soffer. Tell her it’s on the way. Tell her I’m schtupping the judge. I’ll call her back. I will call her. I know how much I borrowed. She’s got four hundred times that stuffed up her— Yeah, tell her I said that.
(Button. The phone is silent)
So Joe.
JOE: I’m sorry Roy, I just—
ROY: No no no no, principles count, I respect principles, I’m not religious but I like God and God likes me. Baptist, Catholic?
JOE: Mormon.
ROY: Mormon. Delectable. Absolutely. Only in America. So, Joe. Whattya think?
JOE: It’s . . . well . . .
ROY: Crazy life.
JOE: Chaotic.
ROY: Well but God bless chaos. Right?
JOE: Ummm . . .
ROY: Huh. Mormons. I knew Mormons, in, um, Nevada.
JOE: Utah, mostly.
ROY: No, these Mormons were in Vegas.
So. So, how’d you like to go to Washington and work for the Justice Department?
JOE: Sorry?
ROY: How’d you like to go to Washington and work for the Justice Department? All I gotta do is