End Game: An Olympic Viewer's Guide to Curling

Chapter One

1st End

What is Curling?

Over 400 years ago, one Scotsman, hands frozen, breath both visible and smelling of single malt, turned to another Scotsman, in an accent I cannot reproduce when speaking or in writing, and said "Aye, it's cold, what should we do?".  The other Scotsman, clearly out of ideas, suggested they slide large stones across the frozen ice covering the loch, in an attempt to see who could get closer to the other side.

As romantic as this origin story sounds, it's as close to the truth as the story of Abner Doubleday inventing baseball.  Yes, spoiler alert, baseball was not created by an American Civil War general, but by a Scotsman, just as every sport except for the ones which can be played naked.  Of course naked sports were invented by the Greeks and eventually, when attempted with clothing, became what is know as the modern Olympic era.  Also, basketball (a sport usually played while clothed, though prior to 1991, the aptly named short shorts were much more in fashion), was invented by a Canadian, James Naismith, who was most likely of Scottish ancestry.

Perhaps more than even golf, Curling is a very old game that, if discovered by aliens from another planet, or tribesman from a secluded African village, would dumbfound and confuse the viewer and leave them to question the very nature of god.  Several questions might be asked, many which will be answered here in this very chapter:

Why are these grown men holding brooms and running down ice on shoes rather than skates?.

The ice looks clean, why are they sweeping?

Why is the person at the far end yelling for them to hurry when they are clearly moving as fast as they can?

I think this is considered athletics yet that man leaning on his broom in order to stand up looks like my grandfather.

If they're trying to get those big stones closer to the middle of the painted circle, why do they often put them far away from the centre?

If that man is pebbling, where are the pebbles and why is he sprinkling water on the ice?

This person has a shooting percentage but I haven't seen a gun anywhere?

I thought they were supposed to go back and forth for 10 end so why are they stopping after 6 ends?

Why do they call it throwing rocks when clearly they are pushing large stones along the ice?

He couldn't get his stone to the other end and his teammate told him he needed more weight.  It appears his massive frame would indicate the opposite and a diet is in order.

Why does the person holding that broom keep calling for shots?

Apparently he's been hitting the broom all game, doesn't that hurt after a while?

That woman screaming Hurry! Whoa, easy. Hurry, harder! needs to consider there are children in the building.

The Field of Play

Curling is played on a sheet of ice at least 146 feet long and 14 1/2 feet wide.  At each end of the ice, rings are painted to represent what is called the house. If you put more than one sheet side-by-side you have a rink.  Most rinks are 4 to 6 sheets, and while many have more sheets, there are also rinks with as little as two sheets.  I'm of the opinion a single sheet doesn't constitute a rink nor does it usually suffice to clean your bottom when that need arises.  A rink is located in a curling club, and the term club and rink can be used interchangeably.  Oddly enough, rink can also refer to a team, as in the Willie MacIntosh Rink, from Edinburgh, Scotland.

The House is made up of three rings, with the centre circle called the button.  The middle of the button has a small indent to secure a measuring device if it should be used.  That indent is called the pin.

Straight lines are painted to both assist visually with the painted rings, and to define areas of the sheet and rules for said areas.  The back line should be self explanatory, and does serve the purpose to determine at which point a curling stone (also known as a rock) is in or out of play.  The tee line runs the width of the rink, parallel to the back line, and directly across the centre of the circle.  A team can sweep an opponents stone once it has reached the tee line.  The hog line is 57 feet from the tee line, running parallel to the tee and back lines, and serves two purposes.  If a player is unable to deliver a rock to rest past the far hog line, then the stone is hogged which results in it being removed from play, the opponents snickering and the thrower's teammates disheartened at the lack of skill demonstrated but also elated at the thought that the first round of drinks will be paid for.  Tradition has a hogged rock thrower having to pay back his teammates after the game by purchasing alcohol, in order to help them forget what a terrible player he is and to please not drop him from the squad.

The hog line also determines when a player must release a stone during the delivery.  If a stone is not released (i.e. hand removed from the handle) before the front edge crosses the nearer hog line, it is taken out of play.  In today's major events, a detection system (Eye on the Hog) is used to determine if a hog line violation takes place. Prior to this technological advancement, these violations were called by volunteers with the eyesight of my 90 year old grandmother after two glasses of chardonnay.

The center line (or centre line if you spell in Canadian) runs the length of the ice and through the centre of the sheet, dissecting the tee line at the pin.

Curling stones (or rocks) weigh between 38 to 44 pounds and have a handle attached at the top.  The shape is round but flattened, like a jelly donut.  The bottom of the stone is not actually flat but has instead a smaller  circular ridge (the running edge) that rides on the ice.  When new, these rocks are considered sharp and will tend to curl more (which is considered good). Over time, this surface can be worn down and the rocks curl less (which is considered bad).  Sandpapering the running surface can be used to create more curl and stones can also be reconditioned.  The granite used to make curling stones traditionally came from Ailsa Craig, a small volcanic island in the outer Firth of Clyde (not the inner Firth, a common mistake), some 10 miles from Scotland.  Eventually, stones also were made from granite in Trefor, a village in Northern Wales.  Special granites must be used for various reasons which are beyond the scope of this text or my C+ in 12th grade chemistry.  Needless to say, they are heavy, they last a long time and unlike bowling balls, are uniform in size and are owned by the club or event, not the players.  Great effort is made by teams to match rocks.  This is an effort to pair two rocks so they will have a long and happy life together.  Like marriage, this works best if they both curl.

Ailsa Craig. Home to curling rock granite and SPECTRE's secret hideout.

Top and bottom of curling stone.

If this is all new to you, you may want to re-read the past few paragraphs, and also study the following diagram closely.

Diagram of curling sheet from hog line to hack.

The Players

A curling team (or rink, but not to be confused with the rink), consists of 4 players. For World and Olympic events teams consist of four men or four women competing against their own gender.  Mixed curling is played by two men and two women, with players alternating like the seating arrangements at your uptight neighbour's cocktail party, girl-boy-girl-boy.  Mixed curling is not an event at the Olympics nor does it have a World Championship. The recently invented mixed-doubles is played by one man and one woman, beginning a World Championship in 2008 with hopes to be added as an Olympic event in the future.  Each end starts with a centre guard (belonging to the team without hammer) and a rock behind the button (belonging to the team with hammer).  One player throws the first and last stone while the other throws 3 middle stones (each team only has six stones). Players have to run up to sweep their own shots.  Ideally, mixed-doubles teams should be drawn from troubled relationships in order to increase fan appeal, but that requirement has not yet been made mandatory by the governing bodies.

When competing in major events, a fifth player is added.  In Canada, this is often someone friendly with players on the team and who can get the time off from work.  Many International teams have started to use strategy in selecting the 5th player, using him or her in a rotation or to scare the other players into improving their game or else be punted to the bench.

We can't bring him in, he spilled red wine all over his uniform.

Richard Hart to skip Mike Harris when discussing if they should bring in fifth player and coach Paul Savage to replace a hurt Collin Mitchell.  Heard during broadcast of the 1997 Canadian Olympic Curling Trials.

Teams now bring coaches to major events.  In Canada, greater effort is usually made in 5th man selection than in a coach.  Traditionally, male curlers in Canada had an aversion to coaching.  Teams employed an active coach while in juniors, often a parent of one of the players who had achieved their certification, but in men's events it usually led to funny looks and snickering behind your back.  This trend is changing but for the top teams of the past and many of the present, the true role of coach is held by the skip. As a general rule,  Women's' and International teams rely more on coaching and in some cases these people take an active role in developing teams and even in making decisions on who will play or sit.

A curling team can be compared to a rock band.  Bands often start out young, formed under the guise of similar tastes ("hey, you like Metallica too?!") and non-competition amongst instrument choice.  Individuals will have raw talent, but it takes hours of practice, playing together, and suffering with low paying gigs in shady clubs before they can really succeed.  Even then, bands will break up or 3 guys will squeeze out another musician who they feel doesn't equal their skills or is acting like a jerk. Sometimes, like Don Felder, they can be kicked out of the same band twice.

Like a curling team, bandmates need to know their position and focus on the success of the group. Drummers and bassists often have to take a backseat to the singer or guitar player and learn to accept they won't receive the same amount of exposure, music video coverage or number of groupies.  Once bands start sharing all the roles or have more than one alpha dog, it inevitably leads to a break-up (The Band, Eagles, Pink Floyd, Police, even the Beatles, we could keep going...).

This is also very common in how curling teams are formed and developed.  Rarely can a team survive without players knowing their roles.  Even with success, it is very difficult for teams to keep the energy that was captured when they were coming up or at their peak.  Curlers spend many hours together, on the road, in hotels and in curling lounges, sitting at tables together, telling stories.  Eventually, the stories get stale and so does the team.

The positions:

Lead

The person who throws the first two rocks and sweeps all remaining shots.  Like a drummer, they need to make all the simple riffs every single time.  One mistake and it can send a song out of time and mess up the rest of the band.  Leads generally have the easiest shots in the game (with one exception, the tick shot), but a miss or even half shot (a shot that is ok but not altogether very good) can send the entire end into chaos.  Like a drummer, the lead needs to be in good physical shape to handle the position, sweeping is a critical part of their role.  A lead needs to gladly throw shots that usually lack excitement, often carry the brooms for everyone else and never thirst for the glory that is held by skips and thirds.  Levon Helm is a bad example of a lead.  Because of the simple nature of their shots, leads appear to be easily interchangeable, but this is usually not the case.  Leads are often the glue of the team. They ideally have a genuine sense of humour and keep everyone at ease when needed, but are still fiercely competitive.  As long as they don't die from choking on vomit,  leads can spend a long time with the same group because of these intangibles.  Keith Moon and John Bonham, two examples of great leads who left their teams too early.  First teammate you take with you into a dark alley.

Keith Moon had to fall back on drumming when he blew his left knee in junior curling

Second

The person who throws the 3rd and 4th rocks of the end and sweeps all other shots for their team.  The bassist, like the drummer, has to keep time for the song and establish a steady groove, stepping back to allow the singer and guitarist to shine, while only occasionally taking solos during live shows at the point where most of the audience has left for the washroom or is passed out in their seats.  Apologies to Rush and Primus fans, but there are no bass solos that don't have me thinking for the first second, "hey, that's sort of funky then shifting quickly to when will this horrible sound end? and Even the rest of the band has stopped faking their enjoyment and want this to stop".  The second has challenging shots but the pressure is never as great as that on the third.  It's like playing the same instrument but only needing four strings instead of six.  Depending on the band, you can also substitute the second guitarist for base player, especially if the bassist is the lead singer. George Harrison for example, was a great second, often covering up for a weak lead.  Great sweeping also required, but seconds are usually not as physically imposing as the lead and are not always able to back you up in a dark alley.

Geddy Lee.  Bassist and lead singer for Rush.  A Canadian but not a curler.

Lead and Second make up what is referred to as the Front End.  Yes, that means the next two players are considered the Back End and no, you're not the first to come up with the joke that just popped into your head.  In the past, teams could gain considerable success with front ends that did not have the same shot making abilities of their rear counterparts.  This is not the case anymore and in order to beat the top teams in the world, a lead and second must have the abilities to play at the back end positions at the highest levels.

Third (aka vice, vice-skip or mate)

The person who throws the 5th and 6th rocks of the end, sweeps the first four shots and holds the broom for the final 2 shots of the end.  Lead guitar, willing to take centre stage during the song but comfortable taking a backseat when needed.  Sometimes takes a leadership role in areas the skip may not (building a team, coordinating schedules, entertaining the media or the spouses).  The primary responsibility of the third, however, is to clean up the second's mess and to pressure the other team with great shooting.  Thirds are good to have in a back alley.  They don't jump in first, but will back you up if you are in trouble.

A great third who also found fame and fortune as a skip.

No, this is not Glenn Howard, it's David Gilmour of Pink Floyd.

Skip

The person who throws the final two rocks of the end, sweeps only rocks in their general vicinity for a short duration.  The skip decides where the rocks should be directed (by holding a broom as an aiming device) and