Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    Finding Light in the Darkness: A Young Woman's Journey
    Finding Light in the Darkness: A Young Woman's Journey
    Finding Light in the Darkness: A Young Woman's Journey
    Ebook149 pages4 hours

    Finding Light in the Darkness: A Young Woman's Journey

    By JENNA E. BERNARD

    ()

    Read preview

    About this ebook

    Have you ever felt lost and confused with no direction? Have you felt like giving up, because going on would be too hard?

    Youre not alone; so many people have experienced these struggles. Finding Light in the Darkness offers a collection of poetry and journal entries covering five years of a young womans life as she faced these difficult times. Diagnosed with clinical depression, author Jenna Bernard quickly lost herself in a cloud of confusion, fear, and anger. She stepped into a whirlwind of substance abuse to cope with the obstacles in her life she was not prepared to handle.

    By finding faith in God, however, she was able to ultimately find faith in herself. Her poems emerged from a very deep place within her soula child desperate for someone to hear her voice. Inspired to compile her poetry into a collection after entering outpatient treatment in February of 2007, Bernard hopes that her response to her hardships will give strength and hope to others who are struggling. She offers living proof that circumstances can change, miracles do happen, and life does get better.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherTrafford Publishing
    Release dateSep 11, 2014
    ISBN9781466992474
    Finding Light in the Darkness: A Young Woman's Journey
    Author

    JENNA E. BERNARD

    Jenna E. Bernard grew up in Bluffton, Ohio. She attended the College of Mount St. Joseph in Cincinnati, Ohio, and continued her education at the University of Findlay in Findlay, Ohio, where she graduated in January of 2006 with a degree in nuclear medicine technology. She now resides in Michigan, where she continues to play an active role in the twelve-step community. Finding Light in the Darkness is Jenna’s published poetry collection.

    Related to Finding Light in the Darkness

    Related ebooks

    Personal Memoirs For You

    View More
    View More

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    • Article

      88KG GONE I’m HALF the woman I WAS!

      Sep 15, 2021

      Claire Burt, 28, Timaru, NZ Sitting in the bathroom, I tried to stifle my tears as I dialled my mum Kate’s number. ‘Can you please come over, Mum?’ I asked, my voice shaking. At 170 kilos and a size 26, I wasn’t even able to go to the toilet by mys

      3 min read

    • Article

      Silent Threat

      Apr 22, 2021

      Silent Threat
      5 min read

    • Article

      Idea-zapping

      Sep 1, 2022

      Idea-zapping
      6 min read

    • Article

      Worst hangover EVER

      Aug 5, 2021

      Worst hangover EVER
      5 min read

    • Article

      Sober And Flourishing

      Mar 14, 2024

      Trigger warning: This article discusses sexual assault. Over a year ago, I made the decision to give sobriety a crack. Initially, I intended to improve my poor sleep and address my health issues by taking a month off drinking. What happened was an aw

      3 min read

    • Article

      My Story My Journey Out Of Darkness

      Mar 24, 2021

      My Story My Journey Out Of Darkness
      5 min read

    • Article

      Talking Sense

      Oct 15, 2020

      Talking Sense
      5 min read

    • Article

      The Last hang Over

      Jan 18, 2024

      The Last hang Over
      7 min read

    • Article

      The Most Powerful Words

      May 28, 2021

      The Most Powerful Words
      6 min read

    • Article

      Deadly Night Out

      Nov 4, 2021

      Deadly Night Out
      5 min read

    • Article

      Alter Ego

      Mar 21, 2024

      Alter Ego
      6 min read

    • Article

      Moment Of Truth

      Sep 3, 2020

      Moment Of Truth
      4 min read

    • Article

      Rebecca Rose.

      Mar 3, 2022

      Rebecca Rose.
      16 min read

    • Article

      Back From The Brink

      Jun 17, 2019

      Back From The Brink
      8 min read

    • Article

      Phases Of Depression

      Feb 15, 2021

      Phases Of Depression
      6 min read

    • Article

      A Kind Of Magic

      Oct 2, 2022

      The first thing I notice about my new therapy appointment is that I’ve worn the wrong shoes. I’ve done everything else correctly: washed my hair, used deodorant, selected an age-appropriate shirt, practised my calm and knowledgeable voice. But thongs

      5 min read

    • Article

      Being My Own Best Friend

      Nov 30, 2023

      Being My Own Best Friend
      5 min read

    • Article

      Divorce Settlement

      Jun 17, 2021

      Divorce Settlement
      6 min read

    • Article

      The Right Message

      Jul 9, 2020

      The Right Message
      4 min read

    • Article

      My Time of Suffering

      May 24, 2019

      My Time of Suffering
      6 min read

    • Article

      Facing The Demons

      Nov 1, 2018

      Facing The Demons
      7 min read

    • Article

      Better Man

      Jan 4, 2024

      Better Man
      6 min read

    Related categories

    Reviews for Finding Light in the Darkness

    0 ratings

    0 ratings0 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

      Book preview

      Finding Light in the Darkness - JENNA E. BERNARD

      © Copyright 2014 Jenna E. Bernard.

      All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written prior permission of the author.

      ISBN: 978-1-4669-9094-4 (sc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4669-9247-4 (e)

      Trafford rev. 09/08/2014

      21097.png www.trafford.com

      North America & international

      toll-free: 1 888 232 4444 (USA & Canada)

      fax: 812 355 4082

      Contents

      Introduction

      Part One

      Consumed by Darkness

      Part Two

      Searching for Light

      Part Three

      Darkness Lingers

      Part Four

      A Glimpse of Light

      Afterword

      Acknowledgements

      About The Author

      Resources

      References

      To the many people God placed in my life to help me

      along the way.

      To Grandma Alice… for always reminding me to

      keep the faith.

      INTRODUCTION

      When did life get so complicated? My day of epiphany was a cold, gloomy day in Cincinnati, Ohio. I was sitting alone in my dorm room wondering what was happening to me. I had not been myself for months.

      Before returning to school my sophomore year, I spent most of the summer working. When I was not working, sleep consumed the majority of my time. Since freshman year, I dealt with trying to lose the nearly 30 pounds I had gained. My eating habits were abnormal. It was necessary to eat in order to function. However, I began binging. Although there were only a few times I purged afterward, it was definitely still a problem. I would cause myself to become so full I could not eat the rest of the day. I also became very obsessed with what I ate. I would not even take a bite of something that contained the least amount of fat. I ate healthy food, but not in a healthy manner. I can recall beginning with a bowl of cereal and before I realized it, the entire box was gone. It was out of control. I was out of control.

      Unfortunately this habit had not been resolved before I went back to college that August. Even stranger things began developing that made me feel I was losing myself. I spent much of the time alone in my dorm room, primarily sleeping. When I was around my best friend I met there, and her friends, I felt I was not wanted around. I was convinced no one liked me. Even once she reassured me I was being ridiculous, I convinced myself I was an outcast. I was depressed all the time and when I would be around other people, the smile on my face was simply hiding the tears. I often cried for no reason. I could not explain it. I felt I was slowly dying inside. The only time I would relax and have fun was after a few drinks. It did not take long before a few drinks turned into consuming several until I blacked out. I felt I needed to drink in order to be happy. That is when I realized I needed to quit the habit all together. But quitting meant I would become closer to reality… a reality I did not want to face.

      One night in my dorm room I was getting ready to go out with my friends. Although I tried, I could not get rid of the hurt I felt deep inside my chest. It was an emotional pain which created mental agony. And physical pain seemed to be the only way I could make it all stop. The tears failed to cease. This was the first night I cut my wrists. I was not trying to kill myself, but I was entirely sick of the emotional and mental pain I was in. I talked to my best friend from home on the phone that night. I cried so incredibly hard.

      The next thing I remember was trying to admit to myself that I had a problem. I researched information about depression on my computer. I cried and was so afraid. When I read the symptoms of depression, I had 7 out of the 9 listed. I did not know what to do. I talked to my mom and after a lot of consideration we decided I should remove myself from school to seek medical attention. I met with my family physician, which put me on Effexor. Unfortunately with anti-depressants, it takes at least three weeks before knowing if it will actually work for someone or not. I took it as prescribed for a month and saw no improvement. As a matter of fact, I was getting worse. The next time I went to see the doctor, I was a complete mess. I had cut my wrists again and was consumed with horrible thoughts of veering my car off the side of the road while driving. I remember the cutting, then crying. I have a constant reminder of that day on the inside of my left wrist. The doctor recommended I see a psychiatrist. I was willing to do that. He asked me if I thought I was a threat to myself. I could not stop crying when I told him I did not know. He suggested and said he would feel more comfortable if I admitted myself into the hospital. He called my mom at work to meet me at his office, to follow me home and explain the situation to her. She agreed with him about going to the hospital. I felt like such a baby, but I was afraid. She took me to the hospital where I admitted myself into the psychiatric unit. I had to sign an agreement that if I decided I wanted to leave the hospital, the doctor had the right to keep me for 72 hours. I wanted help. That is what I was there for.

      This time in my life is when I started writing poetry. For some reason I could express myself with words on paper that I was unable to explain verbally. It seemed to come to me naturally, and revealed thoughts and feelings I did not know existed.

      This book begins with excerpts from my writing when I entered the hospital in October, 2002. It continues on with poetry and journal entries I had written through several years of my life. I faced many obstacles as a young adult; dealing with the depths of depression, thoughts of suicide, finding love, losing love, alcoholism and drug abuse, as well as other personal struggles. Through everything, my faith in God kept me fighting.

      PART ONE

      Consumed by Darkness

      1.jpg

      October 25, 2002

      Living in a cloud

      It’s impossible to see the light

      The foggy mist around me

      Presents an unclear sight.

      When I am in this place

      I regain my happiness and cheer

      When I leave I am afraid

      Going back is different than how I feel here.

      I don’t know what to do

      The others say I should stay

      But how much of my life

      Will I have to be away?

      I want to come to that place

      Some time ago when I felt so great

      Not knowing how to find that

      Enjoying the preview?
      Page 1 of 1