Angel of Mercy: A U.S. Christian Commission Delegate in the Civil War

Chapter 1

The Calling

Union Township, New Jersey--August 2, 1862

People on the street waved at Noah Sawyers as he walked quickly toward home. Noah raised his hand in reply but would not stop to converse as was his usual way. Voices cropped up all along the way hollering, Good Afternoon Preacher Sawyers! as the tall, lanky figure strolled past, but Noah could not tarry, not this afternoon. He couldn’t wait to get home and tell his wife Mary what he had heard that day and of the wonderful spirit pulsing through his body. Noah hated to be rude to those who greeted him on the street, but he just had to get home. He pulled his black hat down further down over his head and his collar-length brown locks, and looking down at the ground as much as could, picked up his pace just a little more. Almost home. As he turned the last corner onto his street, Noah’s heart was pounding as if it would come straight through his chest and he wanted to scream for the entire world to hear. The young preacher reigned in his enthusiasm as best as he possibly could and persisted in his walk down the street. He finally reached his front yard, burst through the gate and finally broke into a run as he bounded to the front door, the tails of his black frock coat sailing behind him.

Mary, darling, come quick! I have some wonderful news to tell you! Come quick, Noah shouted as he jumped into the entrance hall. Startled, Mary put down the large mixing bowl filled with cake batter, and ran to the hall from the kitchen. Noah’s young wife was truly a vision of beauty as she came into the room. Her long brown hair had fallen down around her face to her shoulders and her wide blue dress sailed around her ankles, accentuating her slim waste. Her appearance momentarily took Noah’s breath away. Noah, what is it that is causing you to be so excited? What has happened? Calm down, calm down and tell me, Mary said. Noah took both her hands in his own and hugged her, saying, Oh it is wonderful Mary, so wonderful. God has spoken to me today and has given me a mission to accomplish for Him. I know He has----I have never felt like this before, not ever….not even when I received the calling to go into the ministry. I feel the presence of our Lord in every fiber of my being. Oh it is so wonderful! It is so wonderful Mary felt his excitement surround her but was quite befuddled by his odd behavior. She said, Tell me all about it Noah. I want to know what has happened this day.

Still holding her hands, Noah led her to the couch in the sitting room adjoining the entrance hall. They sat down and Noah began to tell Mary about the events of the day. I was in my study at the church working on my sermon for next Sunday. The scripture I felt called upon to preach was Luke 10:30-36, The Parable of the Good Samaritan. I prayed for the words to come, for His message to be manifested through me. I began to write about how God calls us to help those less fortunate than ourselves and how we need to reach out to others. Shortly after I began my writing I heard a great commotion outside. I laid down my pen and went to the door to the study and looked outside. Just at that moment, Father McHenry from the Catholic Church walked by and, seeing me, came to the door. He told me that there was a special ceremony going on in the town square. A man from the United States Christian Commission, a great preacher himself, had come to town to tell people about his experiences in the soldier’s camps and during the great battles near Richmond and at Bull Run. Father McHenry said there was a large crowd forming and that he could hear a big brass band playing. He urged me to take a few minutes and to go along to see what the fuss was about. I was not sure about going and feeling pressed to complete my sermon, I at first declined. But as others walked past us and called for us to come with them, I gave in and joined the great procession of townspeople strolling towards the square. I closed up the church and went with great curiosity to see and hear this visiting preacher. And Mary, I am so glad that I did. The spirit of God must have come to Father McHenry to get me to go, especially as the good priest and I are only mere acquaintances.

Noah continued with his story; So we walked together down to the town square, and people, seeing that we were men of the cloth, parted and let us move up to the front of the crowd, near the speaker’s platform that was erected just for this occasion. We had already missed some other speakers who were mostly political in nature, calling for recruits and encouraging our young boys to sign up for the Union cause. Excitement was running through the crowd. Although most were interested in hearing more politicians and bands, the people respectfully settled down as the visiting preacher stepped up to the podium. His name was Mr. Zachariah Owens, and he was a recruitment delegate with the United States Christian Commission in Washington, DC. Mr. Owens was a Methodist preacher originally from Philadelphia, who became involved with the Christian Commission shortly after its inception in November, 1861. He was a tall, heavy man with brown curly hair and a long, thick brown beard. His eyes though were a sparkling blue and seemed to shine brightly through Mr. Owens’ rather burly appearance. He had a deep booming voice and I could see he was an excellent preacher in his own right. Mr. Owens spoke at great length about the Christian Commission, about how the delegates are sent out to the camps and battlefields to preach, to pray, to tend to the wounded and to be of service to any soldier in need. He talked about evening prayer meetings around the campfire where hundreds of soldiers were saved and dedicated their lives to Jesus Christ. He talked of helping wounded soldiers and of seeing the work of our Father as their wounds were healed by His touch. He talked of writing touching letters for dying soldiers to their families and the feeling of peace that comes when Jesus leads a Christian soldier home. He talked of bringing smiles to the faces of desolate soldiers just by bringing them some food, a warm blanket, or a letter from home. And then Mary, Mr. Owens read from Luke 10: 30-36, the Parable of the Good Samaritan, the same passage God had directed me to just a few hours before upon which to preach next Sunday. And Mary, oh Mary I wish you could have been there. I looked up at Mr. Owens and I could not believe my eyes. The vision of the curly-headed, charismatic preacher had changed, at least for me. For when I looked up at him, I did not see Mr. Owens, but a shining light surrounding the image of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. And He was pointing to me, Mary, me, a simple, unworthy preacher. I felt an unbelievable passing of peace and love move through my body and in my heart, and drowning out all sound around me was His voice…the sweet voice of our Lord, Jesus Christ. Oh I have never heard anything so sweet and wonderful. And He said to me, Noah, my dedicated, wonderful servant. Go in my name to the unsaved, to those wounded in spirit and in body, to those in need. So many need to see Me, to give their heart to the Father. They need you. I need you. Go serve your fellow man in My Most Holy Name. I shall be thy protector, your guide. Go Noah, Go. And then Mary, as quick as the vision appeared, it was gone, replaced by the vision of Mr. Owens, leading the crowd in Amazing Grace. I wasn’t sure for a second of where I was or what was going on around me. Dazed I was darling, dazed I tell you! The only thing I knew is that I had seen Jesus and felt that most wonderful feeling throughout my being. Dear Mary, If only you could feel as I do for a mere second. You would know that our Lord is as real as you are here before me. I must go as He so leads me Mary. I must join the Christian Commission and do His work for our soldiers. I must go with Mr. Owens, Mary, I know that is what our Lord is calling me to do. I must go, I say, I absolutely must join the United States Christian Commission.

Mary didn’t know quite what to say. She felt excited about Noah’s experience in the town square, but wary of his decision to leave his home and go to the fields of battle. She looked into her husband’s eyes and saw the love, the determination, the spirit of God pulsing through them. Oh my dear Noah. I don’t know what to make of all this. You left here this morning my devoted, loving husband who was content to stay and preach to his little congregation in our little church for the rest of his life and you come back to me wild with excitement with great plans to run off and minister to our soldiers many miles from home within earshot of bullets and cannons, in the middle of misery and death. We must talk and think and pray about this Noah. We must both be sure that this is God’s will and not some idea that has come to you from hearing some sermon at a rally. This is such a strange time in our country. The cause of which we are fighting for is so close to everyone’s heart that young men and boys get swept away and run off to war in a moment’s notice, without a second’s thought about their parents and wives and children. No, Noah I shall not agree to you going off to the war to get killed or to die of some dreadful disease just because everyone else is going too, or because you feel it is the patriotic thing to do. Your place is here with me and your flock. What shall we all do without you? Who shall console our young widows when they find their husbands have fallen on the field? Who shall keep our spirits up and our faith strong in this time of tragedy? Who shall keep our eyes focused on God and His Holy Son and keep us from the distractions and temptations of our society? And, as selfish as this may be, how shall I go on without you here Noah, with me, to keep up this house, to hold me, to pray with me and talk with me and to be my loving husband? Such foolish talk from such a normally sensible man, I don’t know what to make of it. I just don’t know what to make of it. It surely must be the Lord, surely it must! But if it is truly God’s will, then so be it. I shall agree. If it is His will, He shall let it be known to both of us in no uncertain terms. We shall know it. Only under those terms shall I agree to it, for then I shall know that God Himself shall protect and keep you safe and return you to me as you are now.

Mary’s expression showed her opposition and concern as she spoke, and then softened as her tender brown eyes searched Noah’s face for his reaction. Noah let go of his wife’s hands, stood up and began to pace around the living room. He looked around at the elaborate room, complete with paintings depicting scenes from Jesus’ ministry, the Sermon on the Mount, His Crucifixion, and His Resurrection. This was his favorite room in the house. He often sat and studied the Scriptures on the formal couch. He wrote many of his sermons at the large roll-top desk. He sometimes sat up late at night in the chair next to the fireplace and stared into the flames of the fire, thanking God for Mary and the blessings bestowed on him and yearning to feel the spirit of Jesus in his heart and life. Many times Noah met with a member of his congregation in this room, counseling and praying with them about how to interpret God’s will in their lives. How ironic, and maybe appropriate too, that it is in this same room that he and Mary were having this conversation now about Noah’s decision to follow what he interpreted as God’s will for his own life. In this room, more than any other room in the house, and at times even more than at the church, Noah felt Jesus’ presence surround and embrace him. Now was no different.

He stopped his pacing after a few moments and turned to face Mary. I understand your worry and concern. I would react the same way if you too came home with such an unexpected and impulsive idea. I don’t know how I can convince you that this is not some plot to get closer to the excitement of war, or that I have been caught up in this terrible war fever which grips men and pulls them out of their homes to go and kill their brothers and fellow man. Was such a fervor there in the town square today? Yes----oh yes there was and the young men were lined up ready to sign up for a musket and a blue jacket. But Mary, I tell you truthfully, I was not one of them. No, that was not my purpose for being there. No Mary, I saw the Lord call to me this day. I felt him throughout my body and I heard His voice clearly, telling me to do His work in the field. I am doing such a poor job of telling you about this Mary. I know this is sudden and it must be wrenching your heart out at its core as it is mine, but I hope you know I would not ever want to leave you and my church merely to chase excitement and engage in war at the ranting and urging of mere men. I have been called by God Mary. I have been called and I feel it with every fiber of my being that it is the Lord’s will that I go. Please understand Mary, please understand. Don’t make me choose between your will and the will of our Heavenly Father, for that is something that I cannot do. I cannot go without your blessing and leave you hurt or angry at me. Nor can I stay here and refuse what I know is the wishes of our Lord. How can I go or stay and wound the heart of either of the two people I hold most dear to me? You are right, we must pray for the answer, pray for a sign that what I feel now is truly His desire and that we both shall feel protected and in God’s graces by our decision. We must pray, Mary, we must pray, we must pray. At that Noah sat next to his young wife and wrapped her hands in his own and kissed her gently on the cheek. They placed their cheeks together in a half-hug and with hands together began praying silently together. After several minutes, Noah felt Mary gently squeeze his hand and with voices in unison, the young couple quietly recited the Lord’s Prayer:

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name

Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done

On Earth as it is in Heaven

Give us this day, our daily bread

Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.

Lead us not into temptation

But deliver us from evil

For thine is the Kingdom, and the Power and the Glory

Forever and ever, Amen

They pressed their hands together one more time and stayed cheek to cheek for what seemed like an eternity, neither one wanting to be the first to break the solemnity of the moment and face each other. Both worried about what they would see in the other’s eyes, in their face…..afraid that the answer had come to one of them during those few brief moments. They wer both content to stay close and feel each other’s hearbeat through their skin. As each awkwardly pulled away, they could feel more than just skin on skin….they could feel the strong bond of love between them. This would be so difficult for them to decide, but they each knew after their prayer that whatever they decided it would be a blessed decision and their love would survive any trial. The strange moments of awkwardness caused them to smile and laugh at themselves, a nervous laugh though it was. Noah and Mary pulled away and looked each other in the eye. Mary broke the silence and said, Noah my dear that was a start. I fear many more prayers shall be directed toward Heaven from both of us until we both know what the will of the Almighty is for us. We shall pray on our own and together many times and He will tell us, no, I believe He will show us what we shall do. Noah smiled in agreement and said in return, "Yes, yes He most certainly shall let us know Mary. Mr. Owens will be coming through Union Township here in ten day’s time on the return portion of his recruiting trip and I told him I would tell him then whether I shall join him or stay here. So it appears the Lord has given us a timeframe in which to work in. If it shall be that I join this Christian Commission, we shall know within a week for sure.

Chapter 2

The Answer Comes

Noah and Mary did their best over the next few days to live life as normal as they could and avoid discussion of the dilemma before them. Both felt that to discuss it amongst themselves would distract them from hearing and understanding any answer the Lord might provide. Noah spent considerable time at the church, writing sermons, tending to the grounds and the upkeep of the building, and visiting church members. He tried his best to keep his eyes and mind open to any hint, any comment, any unusual happening that could be interpreted as a Heavenly message regarding whether joining the Christian Commission was truly the desire of His Lord. For Noah, it was a very stressful and tiring time. At the end of the day he often felt exasperated by his hours of watching and expectation which unfortunately resulted in no obvious answers. He felt anxious about what experiences and thoughts Mary was having at the same time about the situation. Noah was both afraid to get excited, and afraid to be disappointed, so he did the best he could to stay watchful, open-minded and prayerful, ever prayerful. Surely the intolerable suffering would end soon with an answer from God.

Mary was having a somewhat different experience. She, like Noah, did all she could to keep herself from thinking about the decision, but was far less successful. She worked herself silly throughout the days cleaning every inch of the house, hand-scrubbing the floors, washing dishes, laundering the clothes, and cooking or baking incessantly. Yet the thought of her dear husband leaving the security of their home for the danger of the battlefield seemed to fill her every waking moment. When she made up their bed in the morning she glanced at the suitcase in the closet. When she passed through the house she seemed to feel an eerie emptiness surround her. In town her eyes would search out young wives and mothers whose husbands and sons went to war, some of whom had already had received news that their loved one had fallen and passed on. And Mary couldn’t help but read the long lists of names of soldiers who were not coming back to Union Township in New Jersey at all. The young wife was on the brink of tears all week and was afraid to mention a word of how she felt to Noah for fear of breaking out in tears in front of him. She would not do that---this was Noah’s calling, his vision and Mary refused to let her feelings make him feel guilty for wanting to follow what he believed to be God’s will. And worse of all, Mary had lied to Noah when he repeatedly asked her about her daily prayers---for she was afraid to pray and avoided doing so, that way she could not hear or respond to an answer from God, should it in fact come to her instead of Noah.

But Mary was truly acting foolishly if she thought she could run from this decision or even more importantly, run from God. The harder she tried to avoid facing the decision, the more powerful the messages seemed to come to her. While attending church, the reading and sermon was on Luke 9:2-6, where Jesus empowers the twelve disciples and sends them out to preach and heal the sick. She rationalized that this was really not a message from the Lord, but instead attributed this so-called message to merely being Noah’s sly way to use his sermon and his pulpit to influence her thought in his favor. But even if that were true, it didn’t explain the fact that the signs continued in other avenues of her life, absent from Noah’s influence. Everywhere Mary went friends and parishioners came up to her and talked about the wonderful preacher who spoke in the town square about the Christian Commission and how admirable it was for men to serve the Lord in such a deep and profound way. Newspaper articles and stories from soldiers passing through Union Township fresh from the war told of the rampant sins of gambling, profanity, drinking and worse in the camps and of the atrocious, ghastly, understaffed hospitals. And finally there was the talk about town of the new young preacher in town who was looking for a church to join and pastor. Prayer or no prayer, signs were everywhere pointing to her worst fears---that Noah was correct and that he would indeed be leaving in a few days to join the United States Christian Commission.

Finally Mary could hold off no longer. When Noah left to go work at the church on Thursday morning near the end of the week, Mary locked every door in the house, pulled the curtains shut and went to Noah’s old roll top desk in the living room. She took a candle from the top of the desk and then found Noah’s careworn Bible in one of the drawers. Carrying the Bible, Mary tentatively moved around to the front of the couch, still walking around like she was afraid that someone would hear her or see her moving in her own house. Finding Noah’s matchsticks on the mantle, she set the candle down on the end table, struck one of the matches and touched the flame to the wick and then placed the candle on the small table adjoining the couch. Taking a deep breath, Mary kneeled down in front of the couch and placed her hands together in prayer. She felt the blood pulsing in her temples and for the first time ever, Mary was truly afraid to pray to the Lord. She hesitated for a second and then boldly began her conversation.

"Dear Heavenly Father, I come