Born to Tell
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About this ebook
JENNIFER LEWIS
Jennifer Lewis has always been drawn to fairy tales, and stories of passion and enchantment. Writing allows her to bring the characters crowding her imagination to life. She lives in sunny South Florida and enjoys the lush tropical environment and spending time on the beach all year long. Please visit her website at http://www.jenlewis.com.
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Born to Tell - JENNIFER LEWIS
Contents
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Acknowledgments
I would like to thank everyone who helped me in realizing the dream of writing this book. Thanks to Kal, Elaine, Guy, Dorothy, and Heather and to my son David for their support, patience, and encouragement throughout the endeavor. I would like to offer a special thank you to all my teachers who made me who I am. Most of all I would like to thank everyone who never judged me but gave me a chance.
This is a test of faith, love and affection, and proof that the heart can heal on its own through forgiveness. The sickness that festers in some lives boils like anger and is ready to erupt, damaging the souls, hearts, minds, and lives of everyone affected. To gain control of my life, to live the life I was born to live to the fullest, I had to heal my broken heart. I had to forgive the unforgivable and learn how to live all over again.
It is a miracle I survived to tell my story about the duppies and the obeah and the horrible beatings and threats of what would happen to me if I did not do what I was told to do even when I knew it was not right. Living with the duppies and the obeah and the beatings was like living in hell. I had to endure pain while I pretended to the world that all was great when I was dying inside.
Those were not beatings. I remember calling them murderations,
because the blows were so deadly and I felt like I was not going to make it through the episode. Once I was beaten so badly that I had what felt like an out-of-body experience. It was as if I was watching someone else getting the beating and not me. I had stopped feeling the blows.
From generation to generation, beatings were all our parents knew. That was their idea of how to discipline us and help us grow, thereby carving us into their perception of what they considered good and acceptable to society. That perception continues to ruin lives and scars our bodies and our minds.
The beatings involved belts, tree limbs, ropes made from tree vines, electric wires, hoses, stones, and whatever could be found to use as a weapon to inflict pain on us. The beatings were what Mother knew best; she had endured and survived them too.
Once she did the unthinkable during a rage. I was crying and watching my sister Julie undergoing a horrible murderation one night when there was nothing I could do to prevent it.
When it was supposed to be over, after what seemed like hours of physical abuse and did not seem satisfying enough for her punishment, Mother did something almost unconceivable. She pulled her ratchet knife and opened it and slashed my sister, who was trying to shelter the blows by hiding under the table. Mother got her straight in the face with her knife right under the table.
There was blood everywhere. I was terrified and screaming like crazy. Mother was foaming at the mouth, the spitting image of the devil. She asked me if I wanted some too, if I wouldn’t shut up. I was shaking because of what I had just witnessed. Of course I didn’t want some too! I wanted someone to come and rescue me and to save us. I wanted her to send me to Germany to the couple Mother had heard was looking for a little girl to adopt. I was hanging on to that hope. It was all I had.
She kicked my sister Julie out of the house that night, bleeding. I could not sleep all night. I could hear Julie under the cellar all night. I knew she needed medical attention, but I was so scared and could not do anything to help her. I had to protect myself first by staying quiet and invisible and cautious in the one room so as not to get Mother’s frustrations any higher so that she might turn on me.
I was also terrified of the rats, spiders, scorpions, and other creepy crawlers that lived under that dark and cold cellar, and especially afraid of the ghosts lurking around our house; Julie had to be outside with them and injured. I did not realize that that night was to prepare me for a future of how much more heartless my siblings would become.
As daylight came, I was the first one to go outside to check on my sister. Everyone else carried on with their normal lives as if nothing had happened. My sister Paula was not moved by what had happened to Julie.
In fact she was quite pleased and walked around with a chip on her shoulder and felt that Julie had deserved the chop in her face and the beating because Julie had stolen her school fees and then spent some of the money to buy food for herself and her friends.
I was deeply affected by my family’s insensitivity and the insanity and was in a daze. I wondered what would become of me and if I would survive to become an adult.
The dog had just had its puppies in an old empty barrel that was lying underneath the squalid cellar. Julie had removed the dog and its puppies from the barrel and taken refuge in it; that’s where she had spent the night.
The worst part is that after the beatings, you did not dare to tell anyone about them or the injuries that resulted from them. You’d go to school the next day and think of a good lie to tell your teacher or anyone who asked you about them, because we were warned that if we ever told anyone that our parents or guardians had harmed us, the consequences would be dire.
Sometimes the explanation we gave for the cuts and bruises were bizarre and did not explain our injuries. It was common to see a student in class looking like he or she had had a rough night. It made me feel like I was not alone and that it was normal and not in my family alone.
It was the silent norm for parents to beat their children mercilessly, and it was not talked about. Otherwise it could create huge conflicts between the parent and anyone else who got involved. It could sometimes become deadly if a neighbor interfered with a parent who was disciplining his or her child. Most times injuries got covered up and healed externally. Internally we were scarred for life.
The heart learns to deal with the pain of the past. We shared our secrets only with our closest friends who were also going through the same thing in their homes.
Sometimes we would see our friends in the mornings, and we were all pitchy patchy. Sometimes all that was left for us to do was compare our bruises and wipe our tears away.
I always knew if I was going to get a beating in the night or if it would be someone else in my house. Sometimes we would sell each other out to save our own skin. Even