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    True Love 101: Guide to Discovering, Creating, and Sustaining True Love
    True Love 101: Guide to Discovering, Creating, and Sustaining True Love
    True Love 101: Guide to Discovering, Creating, and Sustaining True Love
    Ebook120 pages1 hour

    True Love 101: Guide to Discovering, Creating, and Sustaining True Love

    By Nancy L. Davis LMSW LMFT

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    About this ebook

    TRUE LOVE 101 is a guide to discovering, creating, and sustaining true love. It consists of four parts:

    1. THREE STAGES OF RELATIONSHIPS
    Learn about the third stage of relationship, which we all desire but few have experienced.

    2. THE FOUNDATION OF TRUE LOVE
    Learn about the necessary foundation upon which our desire for true love can be built.

    3.CREATING TRUE LOVE
    Learn to understand and constructively respond to our core needs in order to create true love. Without this understanding, we are doomed to repeat the first two stages of relationships. With this understanding, we are able to stop sabotaging our desire and start creating true love.

    4. SUSTAINING TRUE LOVE
    Learn the "Truly Loving Practices" that sustain love. It is not enough to discover and create true love. "Truly Loving Practices" empower each of us to do what is necessary to sustain the experience of true love.

    If you desire to learn how to discover, create, and sustain a loving, lasting relationship, True Love 101 is the practical guide to read and reread.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBalboa Press
    Release dateOct 18, 2012
    ISBN9781452559933
    True Love 101: Guide to Discovering, Creating, and Sustaining True Love
    Author

    Nancy L. Davis LMSW LMFT

    Nancy L. Davis, LMSW, LMFT is a psychotherapist who has worked with couples for thirty-five years. She has taught at conferences and the University of Michigan. Her free time is spent working on justice issues, singing, biking, and kayaking. Ann Arbor, Michigan was her home until recently moving to Coral Springs, Florida.

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      Book preview

      True Love 101 - Nancy L. Davis LMSW LMFT

      Copyright © 2012 by Nancy L. Davis, LMSW, LMFT.

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

      Library of Congress Control Number: 2012918405

      Balboa Press books may be ordered through booksellers or by contacting:

      Balboa Press

      A Division of Hay House

      1663 Liberty Drive

      Bloomington, IN 47403

      www.balboapress.com

      1-(877) 407-4847

      ISBN: 978-1-4525-5992-6 (sc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4525-5994-0 (hc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4525-5993-3 (e)

      Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

      The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

      Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

      Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

      Balboa Press rev. date: 10/12/2012

      Contents

      Preface

      Acknowledgments

      Chapter 1: The Journey To True Love

      Part 1: Three Stages Of Relationships

      Chapter 2: First Stage: Trust And Innocence

      Chapter 3: Second Stage: Building Hopes And Dreams

      Chapter 4: Third Stage: True Love

      Part 2: Foundation Of True Love

      Chapter 5: The Importance Of Knowing Who We Are

      Chapter 6: Spiritual Aspect

      Chapter 7: Mental Aspect

      Chapter 8: Emotional Aspect

      Chapter 9: Physical Aspect

      Chapter 10: Observing Aspect

      Part 3: Creating True Love

      Chapter 11: Core Needs

      Chapter 12: Love And Connection

      Chapter 13: Safety And Adequacy

      Part 4: Sustaining True Love

      Chapter 14: Truly Loving Practices

      Chapter 15: Continuing The Journey

      About The Author

      PREFACE

      The intent of this book is to be a primer of the building blocks necessary to discover, create, and sustain a truly loving relationship with ourselves and our significant others. It is a distillation of the principles and practices that I have found to be most helpful not only in the lives of my clients, but in my life as well.

      I still remember the first couple that I was assigned to help with their marital problems. I was twenty-five and single. They had been married for some time. When I asked what their concerns were, the wife began by saying, I am very upset that he never talks, is always tired, and doesn’t really seem to care about what I feel! I clearly remember feeling that I really had no idea of where to go from there. The thought then occurred to me that I could at least do active listening. So I said, So you are upset that he never talks, is always tired, and doesn’t seem to really care about what you feel. She replied, No, that’s not it at all! At that point, all I remember is the panic I felt.

      Since that time, I have learned a great deal. One of the things that I have learned is illustrated by this story. Most people do not really hear and understand the meaning of their own thoughts and feelings, let alone their spouses’. Many relationships are like the blind leading the blind. The journey begins with great hopes, fantasies, and expectations but no road map. Eventually, one-half to two-thirds of all relationships end in confusion, blaming, hurt, anger, and, ultimately, divorce or separation.

      This book is meant to be a road map that provides what is necessary to discover, create, and sustain true love. The book is divided into four parts. The first part provides an understanding of the three basic stages of relationships. The second part discusses the importance of knowing who we are. It provides an explanation of our inherent guidance system, which is capable of providing us with all the necessary information we need to discover, create, and sustain true love. The third part clarifies our most basic needs and the power they have to control us, unless we consciously choose to respond to these needs. And finally, the last part explains the truly loving practices that are necessary for us to sustain true love.

      I believe our most intimate relationships are potentially the greatest source of learning about true love. It is my fondest hope that all who read and do the homework in this book will ultimately know the joy of discovering, creating, and sustaining true love.

      ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

      I want to thank all of my clients who have shared their lives with me over the past thirty-five years. It has been such a privilege to know and care about you. I feel like words are inadequate to express what this journey has meant to me. Your lives are so precious, and it is my deepest hope that you are each continuing to know that truth.

      The stories I have shared in this book are always a compilation of experiences. If they sound familiar, it is because we are not alone. There are always others who have shared the challenges and joys of healing. All names are fictitious.

      For all the clients, friends, and family members who have encouraged me over the years to write down what I have shared with them, thank you.

      I want to thank those who have most dearly loved me. Looking into the mirror of those relationships has provided great wisdom and healing.

      I also want to thank all the people at Balboa Press for providing the guidance and skill necessary to publish this book.

      And finally, I want to thank my precious love, Lynne. She is truly the best present I have ever received. Each day is a gift that I am so grateful to share.

      CHAPTER ONE

      The Journey to True Love

      I deeply care about true love. I believe, within the journey of learning how to discover and sustain true love, exits the best hope we have individually or as a planet to survive and ultimately thrive. I also believe that where we are most motivated to value love is in relationship to ourselves, our spouse or significant other, and our children.

      Most people want to have a partner/spouse/significant other. There are various names for this primary person in our lives, but no matter what the name, if that most intimate relationship is working well, we feel much more excited, hopeful, and energized by life. If that relationship is causing disappointment, fear, jealousy, or physical or emotional pain, we are miserable. It affects how we feel about every other area of our lives. We so want a successful relationship, and yet most people do not know how to create what they want. Statistics vary but suggest that from 50 to 60 percent of people fail at being able to sustain a successful relationship, and many of those still in a primary relationship do not seem to be happy.

      We all enter a committed relationship assuming it will succeed. However, most of us have never really received the education or the tools needed to actually be successful. People have often turned to religion as a way to find answers to help their failing relationships. They have grown up being taught that God is love, so they reason that religious teachers should be able to help them. Unfortunately, too many people have experienced judgment by these teachers, as well as inequality and lectures about the various rules to follow, rather than learning how to sustain true love.

      Today, many people are more likely to turn to psychology and psychotherapists for help. The literal meaning of psychology is the knowledge of spirit. Ironically, while many psychotherapists strive to teach people how to love themselves and each other, they would never mention the word spirit.

      There are many therapeutic approaches that work with one or more aspects of healing. For example, cognitive therapy looks at how we think. By comparison, cognitive behavioral therapy looks at how we think and behave. Most approaches are helpful to some extent, but most ignore wholeness. Consequently, I often compare psychotherapy to the story of the blind men touching the elephant to find out what it is like. When they describe their experience to each other, each is very confident that he is describing the elephant, while in actuality, each is only describing one aspect of the elephant.

      Whole-I-ness is ultimately what we all need to heal. One definition of healing is "to make

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