"No Go to Sally's": A Mother’S Battle to Expose a Child Abuser

No go to Sally’s

A mother’s battle to expose a child abuser

Sasha Aster

AuthorHouse™ UK Ltd.

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Phone: 0800.197.4150

© 2014 Sasha Aster. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 01-31-2014

ISBN: 978-1-4918-9233-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4918-9234-3 (e)

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Contents

Chapter 1: Don’t take him away from me

Chapter 2: You’re riddled with guilt

Chapter 3: He’ll be a disturbed teenager

Chapter 4: The case should be reopened

Chapter 5: The provider remains registered

Chapter 6: I don’t recall giving such advice

Chapter 7: Your complaint will be investigated

Chapter 8: I’m recording this conversation

Chapter 9: We won’t be interviewing your son

Chapter 10: I’ll have to find my notebook

Chapter 11: The social worker was unprepared

Chapter 12: This is your constituency

Chapter 13: What do you hope to achieve?

Chapter 14: Please accept my apologies too

Chapter 15: I want an internal review

Chapter 16: I’ll be treating this with urgency

Chapter 17: I found his response disturbing

Chapter 18: A distressing series of events

Chapter 19: I could subpoena them

Chapter 20: Safeguarding cuts through everything

Chapter 21: She’s exhausted our procedure

Chapter 22: We’re taking action

Chapter 23: You’ve done all you can

Chapter 24: I’ve reached a provisional view

Chapter 25: Thank you for a fair outcome

Chapter 26: I’ll discontinue my investigation

Chapter 27: What made you change your mind?

Chapter 28: There’ll be a review

Chapter 29: Shame on you

Chapter 30: You can talk to me

This book is dedicated to the amazing little boy I am immensely proud to call my son.

"But the wild things cried,

Oh please don’t go—we’ll eat you up—we love you so!

And Max said, No!

The wild things roared their terrible roars and gnashed their terrible teeth and rolled their terrible eyes and showed their terrible claws

But Max stepped into his private boat and waved goodbye."

—Maurice Sendak, Where the Wild Things Are

Introduction

We all live with a set of assumptions about Public Services. If we get ill, we assume a doctor will treat us; if we are the victim of a crime, we assume the Police will investigate on our behalf; if our house is on fire, we assume the Fire Brigade will put it out for us. When we become a parent, that set of assumptions expands hugely. One of the assumptions parents have is that the child protection authorities will, if needed, protect their child. The clue is surely in the name. My experience is that this assumption is false.

When I discovered that my then two-and-a-half-year-old son was being physically abused by childminder, I assumed that Social Services, Ofsted (Office for Standards in Education) and the Police would all spring into action and have this woman brought to justice or at least bar her from working with children. I was wrong.

No go to Sally’s is the true story of my fight to have my child’s voice heard. This was largely a fight against, and not with the help of, the ‘system’ itself.

To sustain myself in this ordeal, I was able to draw on my skills as a journalist—record keeping, attention to detail, identifying contradictions and anomalies, contact building, persistence and the ability to smell a rat. This professional approach had two effects. Firstly, it ensured everyone I dealt with was aware that I would not let this matter drop. Secondly, it helped me cope with an otherwise profoundly personal ordeal. Above all, I kept going with all this because not to would have been a betrayal of someone who could not speak up for himself.

I decided to write this book about halfway through what turned out to be a more than year-long battle. At that time, I wanted a positive way to vent my anger about the childminder and my frustration with the authorities who failed to listen to my son. Later, I decided that I also wanted to help other parents avoid the trauma my family had had to endure.

I didn’t want to write our story entirely in my own words because I didn’t want cynics to dismiss it as a bleeding heart tale of one family. I wanted to share with readers the documents I received and the conversations I had. With all the facts in front of them, I wanted readers to be able to draw their own conclusions. I simply organized the relevant papers in chronological order and separated them with chapter headings.

With actual letters and interview transcripts, I would argue that this book is essential reading for every parent and anyone who works with children. I certainly wish such a book had existed prior to my employing a childminder. Then I would have been able to rely on real information and not on assumptions.

I can’t help all children at risk, and it would be pretentious to think I could, but it would be a happy ending to an upsetting period for my family if the book could help as many other families as possible.

All names, including mine, have been changed and all places and dates have been disguised in order to protect the identity of my child.

I want to say a heartfelt thank you to those who believed me and helped my son.

1

Don’t take him away from me

7 February

Email to childminder

Hi Sally,

As we don’t have the chance to talk for long when I collect Max, I am writing this to you in an email. I also want to give you time to digest it and we can meet when it suits you to discuss if you want to.

Tom and I heard about a Montessori nursery/primary school in—a while ago and kept it in the back of our minds for the future. When we saw how well Max interacted with new people during our holiday, I decided to go and have a look round the school when we got back. I really liked it.

We would like Max to experience Montessori learning and have the opportunity to mix with a diverse group of children. The school has a high ratio of children with parents of mixed nationality and we want him to know other children who are being raised bilingually. The nursery has a lot of educational equipment, musical instruments and facilities for physical activity, which we think Max would enjoy.

In addition to this, we also have practical reasons for wanting to send him there. The cost of living is going to rise and we want to reduce our outgoings. As we would only have to pay for term times, we would halve our current childcare costs each year. As Tom’s work is contract-based, we have to be prepared for the eventuality that he might not be in continuous employment. Also, my job is going to be increasingly demanding, and it will be more difficult for me to take time off when you aren’t working. The fixed school holidays will make it easier for me to plan time off. Plus, as Max gets older, he’ll be able to stay with my parents at their house for a week or so during the holidays.

Our decision is based on all the reasons above and is no reflection of the care you provide. In fact, we very much want Max to continue his relationship with you, your family, Rose and Danny, and so would like him to come to you one day a week if you want to/are able to accommodate that.

We would like Max to start at the nursery at the start of term on the 26th of April (by which time he’ll be two and a half). He’ll have one or two settling-in days before then. I’ll give you lots of notice of when they are and will of course pay you as normal.

This means we would like our current contract with you to end on the 21st of April and be replaced with a new one from the 9th of May, with Max coming to you one day a week.

We are letting you know now as we want to give you as much notice as possible so that you can find a replacement for Max and work out whether you are able and want to take him one day a week.

Bye for now,

Sasha x

5 April

Email to Ofsted and Council

As requested, please find below an account of the physical abuse we suspect our son has suffered whilst in the care of his childminder, Sally Voight.

Sincere regards,

Sasha Aster

Yesterday, I collected our son, Max Aster, from Sally’s house at 1830. I noticed that he had a red mark on his neck. After I had put him in his car seat, I gave him a chocolate cake and we drove home. Before I took him out of the car, he asked me to clean his face and hands. I took a cleansing wipe and wiped his face and hands. I then tried to wipe chocolate from his neck and he screamed and started crying. He continued crying in the house so I asked him if his neck hurt and he said yes. I asked him how he had hurt his neck and he said, Sally did that. I asked him if Sally had hit him and he said yes. I took him in the living room and held him. I asked him again if Sally had hit him and he said yes. He then said that Sally had hit Max’s head on the wall… no… on the mirror. He then said, Max crying, Rose crying, Danny crying. Sally pushing Danny.

Max had told us on a number of occasions before that he and the other children had been crying and when we had asked him if Sally had hit them, he wouldn’t say anything.

In the last few weeks we have noticed a change in his behaviour, in that he has been quite disruptive. And whenever I take him to Sally’s he has protested that he doesn’t want to go. Even at weekends, when he doesn’t go to Sally’s but when we are driving past the area where she lives, he has got very upset and says, No go to Sally’s. Max not like to go to Sally’s.

Max spoke very clearly about his experience yesterday and we decided that we would withdraw him from Sally’s care immediately. We texted her to say that his father was taking the day off work and would not be bringing Max today.

I contacted Ofsted and received a call later from Christine Langley at—Council.

So as not to alert her to my complaint whilst the correct procedures are being followed, I shall tell Sally by text later today that Max is unwell and that I won’t be bringing him to her this week, and I shall pay her for this week as normal. She is on holiday next week.

We obviously regret not paying closer attention to Max’s complaints previously. We know we have no reason now to doubt our son because he very clearly and consistently explained what had been happening, and he knows that this is not right.

At nearly 2 years 6 months, Max is the oldest of three children in Sally’s care. Danny is about 2 years and 4 months and Rose is about 1. From time to time Sally also looks after a friend’s child, called Misha, who I think is about the same age as Max.

On the occasions when Max has been very upset to be handed over to Sally in the morning, Sally has said each time, I’ve never seen him like this and she always gives the impression that everything is fine and that Max is well cared for. Clearly, Max’s account does not support that impression.

I have also witnessed Rose and Danny being very upset when they are given to Sally.

Max has also been repeating phrases he has heard, but which we do not use at home. The most recent was, when talking to himself, in an angry voice he said, Sit down, shut up, stop kicking the toys.

About a month ago, Max said Shut up! which surprised us because we don’t say that at home. We say, Be quiet or Sshhh. I asked Sally where he had heard the phrase shut up and she thought for a minute before saying that Rose’s mum had said it and that Max had heard her.

Please also note that when I told Sally that we were thinking of moving out of the area she said, Don’t take him away from me.

I understand that Social Services will be informed and that they will contact me.

I await your advice on how I can assist with your investigation.

Sincere regards,

Sasha and Tom Aster (parents)

Email from Council

Many thanks Sasha. Referral has now been made to Social Services.

Kind regards

Christine Langley

Email from Ofsted

Dear Sir/Madam,

Thank you for your e-mail.

We have noted the content and passed it on to Ofsted’s Compliance Investigation and Enforcement Department. A member of this department will reply directly to you if appropriate. However should you require any further assistance please do not hesitate to contact us.

Regards

Nicola Connolly

Ofsted—National Business Unit

7 April

Letter from Ofsted

5 April—

Dear Mrs Aster,

Acknowledgement of complaint

Thank you for contacting Ofsted about your concerns regarding: Sally Voight.

Sally Voight may be registered to provide childcare on one or both of the registers of childcare providers that we keep.

We do not have a specific duty to deal with complaints about childcare providers. Information from concerns and complaints helps us to identify where a provider may not be meeting the legal requirements for registration. When we receive such information we check to make sure a provider is complying with everything they should be. If they are not then we tell them they must do so. We may ask the provider to look into your concerns and report back to us on what they have found, or we may look into the concerns ourselves.

Where providers continue to meet requirements, we take no action. We can take a number of courses of action if we find a provider is not meeting requirements, or we may take stronger action ourselves, for example by issuing a legal notice. Exceptionally we may cancel registration where a provider cannot or will not meet the requirements.

We aim to write to you about the outcome of our enquiries within 30 working days. If we cannot do this we will write to you again to update you on our progress. Please contact me if we do not write to you by 16 May—.

If you have any questions please contact us on 0300 123 1231 quoting the reference number at the top of this letter.

Yours sincerely,

Catherine Long

Compliance, Investigation and Enforcement Team

22 April

Letter from childminder

21 April

Dear Mr and Mrs Aster,

Re: Max Aster

As the Police, Social Services and Ofsted will not be taking any further action on your alleged allegation [sic] of Tuesday 12 April—, I have now taken legal advice and enclose my final invoice for payment.

As per your e-mail dated 7 February—regarding termination of contract our last working day would have been Thursday 21 April—. You are now in breach of contract.

The amount of £230.00 is now overdue. This amount is less your deposit of £100.00 paid on 5 January—. The amount of £230.00 needs to be paid within 14 days of this letter. If I do not receive this outstanding amount then I will be taking legal action against you to retrieve monies owed to me.

Yours sincerely,

Sally Voight

cc. Ofsted and the National Childminding Association

4 May

Letter from Social Services

03/05/—

Dear Mrs Aster,

Name: Max Aster DOB—/—/—

My apologies for not being in contact with you sooner, I have been on annual leave.

As you are aware Children’s Social Services department have been carrying out Child Protection Enquiries jointly with the Police following concerns raised by you in regards to the welfare of your son, Max. When a referral regarding the welfare of a child is received by Social Services we are obliged to undertake further enquiries.

Further to our visit on 08/04/—and speaking to you, we subsequently spoke to Max and Mrs Sally Voight. The department had a meeting following these discussions in order to feedback [sic] our findings. It was agreed that there was no role for the Police due to no substantial evidence. Although Max shared with yourself and his father the alleged incident whilst in the childminders [sic] care, from the information gathered from all parties we as Social Services will not be taking any further action.

Ofsted have a duty to take [sic] their own independent enquiries due to the nature of concern. They have carried out their own investigation and have also agreed that no further action will be taken.

You have acted appropriately by removing Max from the childminder and alerting the authorities.

I appreciate that this is not the outcome that you expected, however with no disclosure and lack of evidence it is difficult to prove otherwise and take this further.

Childrens Social Services will therefore not be taking any action at this time and shall be closing the case.

If you are unhappy with this response then—Council has its own complaints procedure which you can access via cscomplaints@—.gov.uk.

Thank you for your co operation [sic] during the investigation.

Yours sincerely,

Diana Fox

Social Worker

—Duty and Assessment Team

2

You’re riddled with guilt

4 May

Hand-delivered letter

Sasha,

It is totally inconceivable that you should make such scandalous, wanton, and unjustifiable allegations of [sic] my daughter’s friend Sally Voight. The fact that you can be so personally hurtful to a woman who is not only incredibly caring and a wonderful childminder defies belief.

My daughter has known her for over eight years and I have never ever seen her so much as swat a wasp [sic], it is unquestionable that she would allow any harm to come to the children in her care let alone use physical means to restrain or otherwise placate a misbehaving toddler. Sally has been minding [sic] for over twelve years and not only is she very competent and experienced but she also brings her own know-how as a mother of two teenagers to bear as well.

My initial reaction was of anger towards you, but that has since changed to pity. I feel so sorry for you; that you struggle with your own relationship with your son and have therefore lashed out, unthinking of the consequence [sic], distress and upset that your actions have caused.

Your lifestyle choice means that you have not been able to provide sufficiently for your son [sic] instead choosing to abdicate your responsibility for the rearing and nurturing of your child in the most important formative years of his life. Because of your own inadequacies as a mother to meet the physiological, psychological and developmental needs of your son you have struck out at the very person who has given him the safe, stable and loving environment in which he flourishes.

He loves being in Sally’s care and I would conjecture that you struggle with the fact that his relationship and bond with Sally is stronger than your own. Instead of attacking her you should be truly thankful that she has fulfilled a role that you so clearly have not been able to do [sic].

You might take the time to reflect on your behaviour and the person that you have become. Like many mothers who wrestle with the question of whether to return to work or not you are probably riddled with guilt and self loathing because you decided to pursue your own career, selfishly perhaps. In truth, you shouldn’t feel bad about working again, in your mind you are probably doing the best [sic] for everyone’s sake. But if you are really [sic] concerned about the upbringing of your child and his welfare then you should re-evaluate your own self centred and egotistical motivations. Why don’t you have a frank and candid conversation with your own mother and father about parenting? But listen much more than you speak.

My daughter and son-in-law made a decision that she would stay at home and raise their children until they were at school. In fact she did not take up paid up employment until their children were eight years old. That meant some sacrifices, not so many restaurant dinners, no overseas vacations or trips to the theatre. But what they have is balanced, well rounded, polite, capable, successful, confident and fun loving children.

I have reflected some more as I have written this. I write to protect my daughter’s cherished friend. I compose this note to tell you how I feel about what you have done and what I think you are. But in the final analysis I don’t feel anger towards you for your thoroughly indecent actions. I don’t as I penned earlier feel sorry for you either. You are a contemptible human being.

The person I truly feel sorry for is your son!

(unsigned)

Letter to childminder

FAO: Legal adviser to Sally Voight

Dear Sir or Madam,

We have no wish to communicate with someone who abused our child and any future correspondence should be from you, and not from your client, and sent from your office.

In response to your client’s letter/invoice dated 21 April and resent on 3 May, we would like to correct several errors in that correspondence.

Firstly, the date Max was last in your client’s ‘childminder setting’ was not 12 April as she wrote, but 4 April. We remember this date very well because it was the day our son told us that your client had been abusing him and the other children in her care.

Secondly, the allegation was not communicated to the authorities on 12 April, but on 5 April. We understand that Social Services visited your client on 8 April and that your client was in any case on holiday the week commencing 11 May (as per her invoice).

Thirdly, we did not make the allegation against your client. Our son did and as his parents it was our duty to tell Ofsted and in turn Social Services.

Fourthly, your client implies that as the authorities are not taking the investigation further that the allegation against her is false. The reality is that the ‘system’ has only so far failed Max. Indeed Social Services in their letter write that we have acted appropriately by removing Max from the childminder’s and alerting the authorities.

Their lack of evidence is based entirely on the fact that the policewoman and social worker expected an infant to talk to total strangers about a traumatic experience within the very short time they gave him and in a setting that was entirely new for him. They also only gave him this single opportunity. Clearly, if they had built trust with him first and met him again he might have talked to them. Max has of course talked about it to us and to others he knows and trusts.

Anyone who follows the news knows that the child protection authorities don’t always, or can’t always, do their jobs properly. Our own experience shows that child abuse can so easily go unpunished and that those who harm children can so easily be allowed to continue working with them.

It is astonishing, after more than a year of knowing Max, that nowhere in your client’s letter does she express any interest in his wellbeing. His name appears merely as an entry on an invoice.

In spite of her lack of interest, we can tell you that Max is so happy that we withdrew him from your client. Others have noticed the same. Having said that, he has talked on several occasions and completely voluntarily about his dreadful experience with your client and every single day he seeks reassurance from us that we will never again take him to her.

Even though the £230 your client says we owe her is a relatively small sum we have no intention of paying her. It is an obscenity even to ask us for it. We only paid your client for the week commencing 4 April because we were advised to by a child protection officer at—Council, so as not to arouse any suspicion of a complaint and therefore of an investigation. We trust you agree that child abuse ought to be punished, not rewarded.

Either your client is particularly insensitive and mercenary and/or she seeks to protect her reputation in the eyes of Ofsted and the National Childminding Association, which she ‘cc-ed’ in her letter. If those organizations have an interest in protecting children and not blindly defending perpetrators of child abuse then they will understand that we are fully prepared—and are making preparations—to take this matter further.

If meeting your client in court can bring our son the justice he has so far not received, then we shall do it.

Your client says