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The ME Factor: Your Systematic Guide to Getting What the Hell You Want
The ME Factor: Your Systematic Guide to Getting What the Hell You Want
The ME Factor: Your Systematic Guide to Getting What the Hell You Want
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The ME Factor: Your Systematic Guide to Getting What the Hell You Want

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The harder the work, the greater the reward. . . .Right? As men, the lack of self-care and the societal pressures to perform to the point of burnout affect us across the board, and these issues are slowly, quietly killing us.
LanguageEnglish
PublisherBookBaby
Release dateSep 21, 2018
ISBN9780995985810
The ME Factor: Your Systematic Guide to Getting What the Hell You Want

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    Book preview

    The ME Factor - Dr. Ganz Ferrance

    inspiration.

    Most people spend their whole lives climbing the ladder of success only to realize, when they get to the top, the ladder has been leaning against the wrong wall.

    – STEPHEN COVEY

    My name is Ganz Ferrance. I have a PhD in Counseling Psychology and an MA in Developmental Psychology from Andrews University in Michigan. I’m the former Public Education Coordinator and Vice President of the Psychologists’ Association of Alberta. However, more important than all of that, I am a man, like you, who lives with high expectations and social pressure to perform. To work hard. To give 110 percent in everything we do, at all times.

    In other words, to kill ourselves.

    I’ve been a practicing psychologist for over twenty-five years, and I spend my time helping individuals, couples, families, and corporations reduce their stress, improve their relationships, and enjoy success in their professional and personal lives.

    Psychology is a very broad field, but we therapists are trained in how the mind works and how to help people have stronger relationships and understand better how they think and how their feelings interact with and impact their behaviors.

    Essentially, my job is to help people feel, do, and be better. That is my goal in this book: to help you feel better, do better, and be better in your life through the Me Factor System, a personal maintenance program that literally saved my life.

    I’ve met so many overworked men who simply don’t know they are depleting themselves. The worst part is, many of them have never stopped to ask why. Why am I doing this? What is the point of it all?

    As men, we are susceptible to doing things simply because we think it’s what we’re supposed to be doing. Many men operate this way for decades. Then they turn forty or fifty, or they have a health crisis, or they get divorced, or the kids leave home, or something drastic happens, and they have to take stock of their lives. This is when they are forced to reevaluate and suddenly realize, per Stephen Covey’s quote above, that they’ve climbed the ladder of success, and it’s been leaning against the wrong wall the whole time.

    If you are reading this book, chances are you are burned out, miserable, tired, resentful, and pissed off, and you don’t understand why. Maybe you have health problems that seem to have come out of nowhere. This is because we tend to neglect ourselves, usually without ever realizing it. With a job, a spouse, and maybe a couple of kids, personal maintenance gets pushed to the back burner.

    We don’t intentionally neglect ourselves: it just happens. And over time, we pay the price. Personal maintenance, by default, is low on our list of priorities. The Me Factor System rectifies that by putting you at the center of your own life. You make you your top priority.

    A me-first philosophy is difficult for many of us to accept. It flies in the face of our culture’s idealization of selflessness and humility. But you’ll soon learn that the more energy and abundance you pour into yourself, the more there is to overflow to the other areas of your life.

    There have been times in my life when I’ve been swept along by the current, neglected my own personal maintenance, and suffered as a result. We all need a set of guidelines to make sure this doesn’t happen, and the first step is to determine what we need, not just physically but emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, and socially.

    What’s missing from your life? What’s important to you? Too many people have never taken the time to ask themselves those questions.

    When a man doesn’t know what is important to him, his decisions are made based on whatever is urgent at the time— whoever is currently the most pissed off with him, whatever pressing matter cannot be ignored a single second longer, or whatever will provide the most immediate benefit. Driving that decision-making process, often at an unconscious level, is the compulsion to do the right thing, based on the expectations of culture, religion, or family.

    The average man never really thinks about what he wants, what’s good for him, what would make him happy, or what is going to serve the biggest part of his life in the best way.

    My purpose in writing this book is to show you that you can choose to fill yourself up, discover what works for you, and serve others from a place of prosperity and abundance in a way that doesn’t deplete you.

    The Me Factor System has three parts:

    1. The Me Factor Priority Schematic

    2. The Me Factor Owner’s Manual

    3. The Decision Matrix

    First, we will examine the often unspoken challenges of being a man. We’ll shine a light on the personal and professional pressures faced by working men in our thirties and forties, when work and family pressures tend to be at their highest. You’ll learn how to prioritize the areas of your life in a healthy way, create boundaries, and become a wellspring of energy that overflows into every area of your life.

    We’ll discuss each of The Seven Me Factors in detail—what they mean, why they matter, and how to cultivate them—and teach you how to fill out your own Me Factor Owner’s Manual. Finally, we’ll bring it all together with The Decision Matrix so you can start getting what the hell you want, now.

    Be forewarned: this book is going to make you uncomfortable at times. I am going to ask you to get outside your comfort zone. You’ll have to learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable, or at least as comfortable as possible. As the famous Henry Ford aphorism goes, if you continue doing what you’ve always done, you’ll continue getting what you always got.

    For many years, I didn’t think I had anything to share. But I wouldn’t be writing this book if the strategies didn’t work. I wouldn’t be walking my clients through this program, hosting workshops or making TV appearances to share this system if I didn’t feel like there was something extraordinary here.

    In the following chapters, we will look at what is preventing you from making the changes you need to make in your life, and I will give you concrete steps to improve your personal maintenance. If you are tired and burned out, keep reading.

    When I was in the United States in the 1990s, I remember reading an article about an outfit in New York City, near Wall Street, that started an adult day care center. But this was not the kind of adult day care where you might take an elderly parent. It was designed for high-ranking business-people who needed a break. That’s right: day care for executives.

    Powerful, wealthy businessmen and women would go to this day care center and ride adult-sized tricycles and play with big blocks. They had juice and cookies and even nap time. These stressed-out executives, with the weight of the world and immense responsibilities on their shoulders, could play and be little kids. What they found was that it made them much sharper. They were able to return to work and be far more productive because they gave their minds a break.

    This is an example of the ridiculous extent we are willing to go to get relief from burnout. What if, instead, we could avoid burnout entirely? What if you could exponentially increase your output without sacrificing your well-being in the process?

    The good news is, you can. It all comes down to personal maintenance and a little planning.

    In my Preface, I took you back to nursery school—to The Goose that Laid the Golden Egg. Who or what do you most identify with in that story? Are you the impatient farmer? The hapless goose? The priceless egg?

    The truth is, you are really all three.

    You Are the Golden Egg

    You produce results on a daily basis. You work hard to provide for your family. You bring in money, and you put food on the table. What you do and who you are is as valuable as a golden egg, and as long as you can keep working—as long as you keep having results—the eggs keep coming.

    You Are the Goose

    You, as a person, are the source of your results. You produce those golden eggs. No one else will look after your family the way you do. No one else will build your business. Without you, no one will run community services or volunteer activities the way you can. If some foolish farmer were to suddenly kill you in a fit of impatience, it would place a permanent halt on production. No one produces the golden eggs in your life if you’re not there.

    You Are the Farmer

    You care for the goose. You are in charge of its health and well-being, which in turn affects the quality of the rewards it provides. The better you care for it, the bigger your daily egg. You both create and receive the benefits of the golden egg.

    I don’t know about you, but if I had a goose that laid a golden egg every day, I would build her a little goose resort. I would feed her only the very best goose chow. I would make sure she had some goose friends to keep her company, and I’d make sure she was healthy, happy, and lived a very, very long life. I wouldn’t want to stress her out. I wouldn’t want to demand more of her than she could handle. I wouldn’t want to neglect giving her the care she needed if she was sick or suffering—years of golden eggs could hang in the balance! I would do everything I could to ensure my own prosperity by making sure she was well taken care

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