When to Walk Away Bible Study Guide: Finding Freedom from Toxic People
By Gary Thomas
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About this ebook
In this six-session video Bible study (DVD/streaming video not included), bestselling author Gary Thomas draws on Jesus' example to teach us how to handle difficult relationships—and to help us discern when we should walk away.
As Christians, we may feel that imitating Christ's love means we must always meet the needs of unhealthy people in our lives and endure poisonous relationships. Many of us have dealt with toxic individuals who drain us of our joy and peace—who never seem to change no matter how long we wait or how hard we pray. It's a hard truth, but sometimes the best course is to distance ourselves from certain relationships and dedicate our energy elsewhere.
Drawing from years of pastoral experience, Gary Thomas looks at biblical examples from the lives of Jesus, Paul, and Nehemiah to give you insightful, biblical wisdom that you can apply right away to the relationships around you. You'll discover how to:
- Learn the difference between difficult people and toxic people.
- Find refuge in God when you feel under attack.
- Discern when "enough is enough" and when to "wait it out."
- Keep a tender heart even in unhealthy relationships.
- Strengthen your defense and set healthy boundaries.
- Grow your inner strength and invest in reliable people.
We can't let others steal our joy or our mission. It's time to follow Jesus' example to walk away from toxic people and walk toward healthy relationships. And as we do, it frees us to focus completely on the purpose that God has established for our lives.
The When to Walk Away Study Guide includes teaching notes, discussion questions, Bible exploration, and personal study and reflection materials for in-between sessions.
Designed for use with the When to Walk Away Video Study (9780310110361) available on DVD or streaming video, sold separately.
Gary Thomas
Gary Thomas's writing and speaking draw people closer to Christ and closer to others. He is the author of twenty books that together have sold more than two million copies and have been translated into more than a dozen languages. These books include Sacred Marriage, Cherish, Married Sex, and the Gold Medallion-award winning Authentic Faith. Gary holds a bachelor's degree in English Literature from Western Washington University, a master's degree in systematic theology from Regent College (Vancouver, BC), and an honorary doctor of divinity degree from Western Seminary (Portland, OR). He serves as a teaching pastor at Cherry Hills Community Church in Highlands Ranch, Colorado.
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When to Walk Away Bible Study Guide - Gary Thomas
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
When we discussed putting together this curriculum, my first choice for the primary writers of the guide were Kevin and Sherry Harney. I never use a writer for my books, as I love the process of writing and even rewriting. Writing books is a joy for me, not a job. But putting together a small-group curriculum is a different format altogether, and I felt that getting two fresh voices to interact with this video curriculum would create a much more helpful guide than trying to do this on my own. Kevin and Sherry had done a fabulous job in writing the Sacred Marriage Study Guide, and I thought that if they were available to write this one, too, the end result would be better than trying to do it on my own. When they agreed, it was a very happy day for me.
Months later, when this manuscript came in, I rejoiced to find that Kevin and Sherry had exceeded all my expectations. They have done a fabulous job of making this material accessible, understandable, practical, and helpful. Their experience in ministry shows, and I am so grateful for their gifts on display and the way they can take my words on the screen, a few thoughts from my book, add in their own seasoned perspective and wisdom, and mold all of this into what you now hold into your hands.
Together, the three of us offer this work to God’s church, praying that his Spirit will use it to instruct, protect, inspire, guide, and equip his people for the work of his kingdom.
INTRODUCTION
WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
Maria is only ten years old, but she goes to bed with a knot in her stomach and worry in her heart. Her parents notice her joyful spirit only pops up occasionally and she is sullen and moody more and more often. When they ask how she is doing, she gives a quick, Fine,
and avoids any other conversation.
After two months of this pattern getting progressively worse, Maria’s parents decide to have a serious conversation with their sweet daughter and let her know they might need to see a family counselor if things don’t get better. Confronted with the love and concern of her parents, Maria breaks down in tears. She recounts how her friend
Holly has been treating her. Lies are being told to the rest of their friend circle. Holly is making threats that Maria will be utterly left out if she does not do whatever Holly says. Maria has asked Holly if she has done something wrong, and Holly has told her that there are all kinds of things wrong with her and she should just be thankful that anyone would play with her.
What would you do if you were Maria’s parents? What advice would you give your daughter?
Karl is a transfer student at a new college. After two years of community college and working nights to save money, he is finally attending a great Christian university. This has been his dream from childhood. He is even playing soccer as a walk-on, and the coach saw fit to make him a starting striker. Karl should be having the time of his life. In some ways, he is. He loves his classes and professors. He is amazed that they actually pray to Jesus in many of his classes and faith comes up regularly in his course work and conversations with other students. Karl grew up going to public schools and he is really happy to be in an environment that is warmly welcoming of his Christian faith. But there is a dark cloud hanging over Karl’s life and heart.
There are two guys on the soccer team who are relentless in their mocking and unflinchingly cold in their attitude toward him. He knew jumping into a team that had been playing together for a couple years might be awkward. He expected some friendly teasing and a little good-hearted initiation, but this was something entirely different. Most of the guys seemed to like him, but DJ and Johaan were getting crueler as the season went on. Karl tried to build bridges, be nicer, pray for them, and even offered to take them out to dinner and pay the bill. It seemed that the harder he tried to be kind, the more vicious they became. They were even making efforts to turn the other players against Karl.
Karl finally met with his Bible teacher and poured out his heart. He wondered if something was wrong with him. What could he do to get these guys to like him? What had he done wrong? What would you say if you were Karl’s Bible teacher?
Toxic people come in all shapes and sizes. We have all met them. Maybe, in our worst moments, we have been them. What we can all agree on is that trying to appease people like Holly, DJ, and Johaan won’t improve the situation. In most cases, things will only get worse.
From childhood, to teenage years, to young adulthood, and all through our life, we will face people who are mean, unfair, toxic, and deeply broken. For most of us, we have no category for these people, so we have no idea how to respond. Sometimes we blame