The Killing Ride

Prologue

The Beginning

J-Bird (age 22)

T-Bone’s eyes clouded over with judgement the moment he saw me. I couldn’t get used to that look. We had been the best of buds since before we terrorized our Kindergarten teachers together, and now there was this distance – one that I had created through my own stupidity – that fucking slayed me. He would always be the number one person I turned to in my life, but I didn’t think T-Bone felt the same about me any longer. Where once we were best friends and tighter than my own brother and I were, now we were damn near strangers who wore the same kutte.

No one knew about his new woman. That included me, up until this moment. By the look he was giving me, he was expecting that I keep it quiet until he was ready to announce that shit too. Not that I would ever out him in any way, but I hoped he knew what he was doing. Hell, for that matter, I hoped his woman knew what she was doing. I had seen her before. She worked at Permanent Marks Tattoo Studio with T-Bone’s sister, Ever. I didn’t miss the guilty look that shifted between Gretchen and T-Bone either. They hadn’t told Ever that they were together yet. They must have thought, as I did, that little sister wasn’t exactly going to take the news well. Her home away from the bullshit our club had caused her was that tattoo shop. Now, she would have one more person there whose loyalty she would have to question.

The truth was, even though she had a hard time with some of her family and most of the guys from the club while growing up, I had made her life infinitely harder with the shit I pulled while we were in high school. I had stupidly believed my girlfriend at the time that Ever was attempting to sabotage my relationship. There had supposedly been witnesses to this happening, all former hookups or ex-girlfriends, and it never occurred to me that they were all just jealous of the fact that Ever was the one female always present in my life. They all assumed the two of us would end up together. Ever thought we would too back then. It took me a little longer – too long as it turned out – to recognize the fact that Ever was already twice the woman any of those girls wished they could be.

I fucked it all up in a huge way. I was angry when my girl approached me and told me Ever got in her face. I should have taken a minute to think things through, because it didn’t sound like something Ever would have done. With so many of them claiming to have heard her, I believed them. Then I went charging into a school assembly – on bullying of all things – and proceeded to call her some pretty vile things in front of everyone. The entire school, minus T-Bone – who had been nailing some chick in the locker room – heard what I had to say, and they treated Ever accordingly after all was said and done.

The girl showed up to school, standing tall, and never once let it show that what those kids did to her – what I’d done to her – bothered her in the slightest. I didn’t realize the true effect it all had on her until much, much later. Not only had I managed to sic and entire school of angsty teens on the sweetest girl there, but I helped solidify the brothers’ hatred of her in the clubhouse too. Her own father and brother had chosen to back me, and basically ostracized her for interfering with a future brother’s relationship.

It didn’t help any that Ever’s mother had been a cheating whore, who had purposely taken advantage of her father when he was drunk in order to get herself knocked up. Considering her mother’s sins, they were all ready to believe the daughter didn’t fall too far from that tree.

The crazy thing was, Ever was probably the furthest thing from her mother that she could be. She did everything in her power to fit in and not be a burden on anyone. She had always feared that her new family would throw her away; so, she strived to be perfect in order to prevent that from happening. Then I came along and became the catalyst in making her worst nightmare come true.

Once the truth was revealed, I tried to apologize. I tried to make amends both in person and through the club. None of it worked, because I was no longer a person Ever could or would trust again. Not that I blamed her one damn bit. Being responsible for taking her family from her was a burden that weighed me down with a fuck ton of guilt. The shit part of all of it was what a complete and total fucking moron I had been when those apology attempts had been made. My brain still hadn’t wrapped itself around everything I had cost Ever back then. Hell, I didn’t even know the half of what my actions had put her through until years too late for an apology to mean shit.

I glanced down at the tattooed words Ever had placed on my arm. The ones that still haunted me because their meaning still eluded me to a point. She may have forgiven everyone else when she inked their tattoos, even though building better relationships was slow-going with the men of her family. I knew though, that there was no forgiveness for me, no redemption, until I was in a place where the words inked into my skin made sense to me. I rubbed a hand over them once more before I glanced back up to see that Gretchen was attempting to soothe T-Bone as he watched the turmoil play out across my face. He didn’t think I deserved his sister’s forgiveness. Not that I disagreed with that assessment.

The fact was, T-Bone’s forgiveness was what was on my mind now though. Things would work out eventually with Ever. Hell, she was with my brother now, so things between Ever and me would never work out the way I once thought they would. Still, I didn’t doubt that we would be in a better place someday. Watching the anger fade from T-Bone, only to be replaced by a shattered sort of misery whenever he turned his back on me these days, was something I couldn’t really reconcile. I stood a little taller as he left his woman’s comforting embrace to approach me.

What you saw here today, you didn’t fuckin’ see, he told me directly. You keep your mouth shut. We’re going to tell the family now, but they’re hearin’ it from me first.

You don’t have to drop that bomb on them just because I saw you. Not gonna say a word, man. You know I wouldn’t.

He glared a little harder before his features softened out a bit and he shook his head. I don’t know what I know anymore and that’s the bitch of it. Knew my sister had it rough, learning just how rough fucked with my head all over again. Every time I look at you, I see an image of my sister with a bottle of pills in her hand, ready to chase away her demons once and for all. He turned away from me and swiped at the corner of his eye. We were her demons, he hissed out, and the small sound was another tear in my soul. I’m about to go announce some pretty fuckin’ epic news to my family, and I’m fuckin’ torn because I think it will make her hate me all over again. I have this feeling in my gut that shit with my sister will never be fixed. It makes it hard to look at you right now, man. I know it ain’t all on your shoulders. I made my own fucked up choices too, but I’m swimming in regrets, and now, he told me as he glanced back over at Gretchen whose hand rested protectively on her belly. Now, I have everything in the world to be happy about, but since I kept it a fuckin’ secret this long, I don’t think it’s going to be received too well.

Holy shit. T-Bone was not only seeing Gretchen but had been with her long enough to knock her up too. There went another rip in my tattered soul because where I had once been his best friend, I never even knew he was dating anyone seriously, let alone serious enough to be happy about knocking her up. He must have seen it written on my face because he sighed deeply while running his hands through his hair and glancing back once more to Gretchen. I don’t know how to do things anymore. Just wanted something bright and good in my life for a change. It was his explanation for why he didn’t tell me, and it sucked. I got the gist though. He didn’t want me tainting that part of his life with whatever shitstorm I might bring with me next. I felt that hit down to my fucking toes.

Yeah man, you better get on out of here and go tell your family your news. I think they’ll surprise the shit out of you with how it’s received.

A small smile creeped slowly along his face then, lifting the worry away just a bit before he slapped me on my shoulder once and turned to go to his woman. My best friend in the world was going to be a father, and had I not accidentally happened across him and his woman today, the news may have actually reached me last. If a person truly could drown in their own regrets, air would never make its way to my lungs again. Shit, most 17 and 18-year-old teenagers fuck up. The shit they fuck up, and people they fuck over, are usually short-term problems though. I had barely been 18 when I screwed up, and it still haunted me. Ever was still broken by my screw-ups too. She seemed far better these days, now that she had her crew over at Permanent Marks and my brother in her life. At least one of us was coming out of it now, and even though I had to stand there and watch as my best friend rode off with his girl, knowing that he wouldn’t have broken that news to me with his family, I was glad it was Ever who was in a better place and not me. I deserved this. All of this.

I rubbed my hand over the tattoo once more, a shiver running through me as dread settled deep in my bones. I had no clue what it was about. Hell, I was pretty sure I’d just experienced the worst of the fallout, knowing my brother and best friend couldn’t share his life with me any longer, but something coiled tight in my stomach. A foreboding feeling that sent icy little tendrils slithering through my bones.

You all right? Sandman asked as he slipped up beside me. Hell, I hadn’t even seen him pull his bike in, I’d been so lost in thought.

You ever get a bad as fuck feeling like someone just stomped all over your grave? Sandman eyed me closely as my question was asked. He slipped his arm around my shoulder, pulled me close for a minute and then started guiding me toward the clubhouse, where I’d been heading before seeing T-Bone come out to meet Gretchen.

Let’s get you a drink to help shake that shit off. Saw you with T-Bone. Things will get better, brother. Just have to wait for the dust to settle a bit more, yeah?

Yeah, I guess, I told him as we made our way inside. Honestly, that drink didn’t appeal to me anymore than the whores in the clubhouse who were greedily eyeing me up. There was a time I swore them off completely, plowing through the bitches from school instead. Thought I had it all figured out back then. Turns out, I had only been trading one drama for another, and look how that turned out. Clubwhores had been my go-to for a while after all the shit went down and I was finally patched in, but I brought that shit to a quick halt one day when I found one poking holes in a condom. I shook my head at the memory and downed the shot of whiskey Sandman handed me.

J-Bird, you gotta get the fuck out of that head of yours. Whatever you’re swimming in, he knocked a fingertip against my temple. It ain’t good shit. Let it go, learn from the past, but move the fuck on, brother. You keep dwelling, you’ll never be in a place to heal or make true amends to those around you.

Maybe he was right. Nothing was going to get better with me dwelling in the past with the ghosts of my mistakes. We sat there sucking back a few more drinks, though I passed on the shots, and for the first time in a while, I let it all go and just tried to be my old, carefree, fun-lovin’ self. The hell of it was, I managed to do just that and actually enjoy drinks with one of my club brothers. Right up until one of the whores enticed Sandman to move over to the couch and start something I didn’t particularly care to see. The only other people in the clubhouse were a few strays and then my father, Double-D, Crow, and a hanger-on named Jimmy who were all sitting in the corner playing poker.

Instead, I headed to my room upstairs, figuring I’d lie down awhile and sleep the bit I had to drink off. Then, I was going to get the fuck up and figure out what the hell I was doing with my life beyond working for the club pulling security detail for the strip clubs we were running. Truth be told, the scene was getting tiresome. Hell, if I were being really honest, sitting around the clubhouse and being here in Charleston were wearing on me too. Never had much opportunity to travel aside from a few runs for the club to other chapters. I was itching to put some miles under my tires and seeing as it finally sunk in that my best friend had pretty much written me off, I was thinking maybe some time and space would be in order. Might just pull out of here until it was closer to time for his kid to show up, then maybe we could set things to rights so I could be an uncle to his kid like we’d always planned. Hell, if that failed, I might just decide the nomad life was for me. I closed my eyes and drifted off, ignoring the bit of commotion coming from downstairs as I did.

I had just drifted off and thought about ignoring my phone when it started going off. That gnawing in my gut, the one that had me on edge most of the day, reared its ugly head though. I slid the phone off of my bedside table and glanced down at it with a frown. Yeah, dad?

Get to the hospital now! The command was growled into the phone in a no-nonsense way. No, stop by the house and pick up Anna. She needs to be here.