Evolution Through Awareness: Transform your life and empower your mind

For My Wife and Son

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Print ISBN: 978-1-09830-423-2

eBook ISBN: 978-1-09830-424-9

Contents

Preface

Introduction

The structure of this book

Chapter 1: The present

Orientation

Chapter 2: Priming

Start with an open mind

The catalysts for change and transformation

We are all human

Indirect change

The psychological barrier

Chapter 3: The keys to change and transformation

Willpower

Key 1: Awareness, acceptance, acknowledgement

Key 2: Responsibility

Key 3: Direction

Key 4: Environment

Key 5: Support

Key 6: Knowledge and experience

Key 7: Action

Key 8: Maintenance and momentum

Key 9: Progression

Summary of keys

Chapters 4–21: Influential awareness

Introduction

Chapter 4

Your belief system

Affirmation: Positive versus negative

Live in the present; aim for the future

Your brain

Neurotransmitters

Chapter 5

False opinion and judgement

The power of habit

Frames of mind

Neuroplasticity and epigenetics

Triggers

Chapter 6

Your daily kickstart

Choice and decision

Self-mastery

Quantum physics and the law of attraction

Strengths and weaknesses

Chapter 7

Your authentic self

Depression, anxiety and other psychological conditions

Planning for the future

The power of faith

Where you thrive

Chapter 8

You are number one

Just the way it is

How challenge and failure equals growth and success

Gratitude

Your mentor

Chapter 9

Tough love

Modelling

Your word

Fear

Perspective

Chapter 10

Four types of people

Ideas

Building the machine that is you

Instant gratification

Accumulation factor

Chapter 11

Your past may hold the key

Normalisation

When emotions have power

Active avoidance

Natural default

Chapter 12

Self-coaching

Two worlds

Toxic living

The blame trap

Patience

Chapter 13

Finding meaning

Health is a must

Mindfulness

Living versus existing

Paying it forward

Chapter 14

Relapse

Independent success

Changing others

Confidence

Adaptability

Chapter 15

Future forecasting

A little beats nothing at all

Calm to think

Money for happiness

Protecting a low score

Chapter 16

Starting at the bottom

Expectation will hurt you

Recovery

Information is for everyone

The ability to question

Chapter 17

Reframing

Immersion

Prepared to survive

Side show

Psychological placebo

Chapter 18

Travel, the great teacher

Productivity and time management

Emotional intelligence

Read

Stress

Chapter 19

A minimalist approach

Learn from everyone and everything, including yourself

Happiness is the goal

Cause and effect

Choose the behaviour, choose the consequence

Chapter 20

How much do you want it?

What don’t you want?

Negativity, the enemy of progress

Questioning backwards

Chapter 21

How to process new information

A hint of arrogance

Attrition in business and the power to endure

Piece by piece

Chapter 22: Final points

Time to reflect

Still to come

Acknowledgements

Preface

For many years, I went through life unaware of who I truly was or could be. It wasn’t that my life was horrible or hellish, but I was living well below my potential, and I had no sense of self. I was a ship without a sail at the mercy of ocean currents, allowing life to dictate the terms of my existence. I had many good years and several not so good. Eventually, I found myself in a sea of struggle, blame, denial, worthlessness, unhappiness and hopelessness. Nothing seemed to be going my way and no matter how hopeful I tried to be, the inevitable truth that ‘things can actually get worse’ would rear its ugly head, time after time. My decisions and conditioning had directed my path to a period of my life I’d rather forget. My self-worth was at an all-time low and I questioned the point of being alive. I was burning out.

But from the ashes of this fire a new beginning was created. At first, I didn’t see it because it still existed at a subconscious level. The pain inflicted upon me by life had finally reached a breaking point. This is the exact point where we need to determine whether we rise up as a Flaming Phoenix or slowly erode into dust. Fortunately, for me it was the former.

Like many, I had suffered difficult times and had fallen into a depressive, pessimistic and negative state, which, if left untreated or unengaged, would surely lead to further pain and struggle, if not worse. Luckily for me, I started to become aware of what was happening, and through that awareness I found the strength, direction and sense of self that had eluded me for so long.

I am still on my journey and have a long way to go, but am now steering my ship and dictating the terms, rather than allowing my destiny to be determined by the turbulent and unforgiving sea of life. Now, empowered by a higher level of awareness, several years of research, many life experiences, and a powerful sense of empathy, determination and relentless self-belief, I have made it my purpose to share the knowledge, awareness and understanding I have gained, to help as many people as I can.

Looking back now, I realise that what stopped me from moving forward was a lack of self-awareness and knowledge of life and self. Sometimes I say to myself, ‘If only I could go back with what I know now, my life would have been so different.’ I’ve realised that this isn’t the point. The point is this: I do have this information and awareness now and I have the ability to share it with others. It is my intention to share my knowledge and experience and to be a guide for others; the kind of guide I wish I had had during my years of struggle. Now my focus is to ensure that the people who are at the mercy of the currents of life, hoist their sails and follow their dreams.

Introduction

There were around eighty other applicants waiting nervously in the room with me. We were slowly being called out one by one for the physical component of the recruitment process to be a firefighter. Finally, my name was called. I knew I could do it, but still I was riddled with doubt. Despite all my years of fitness training in the Defence Force, and the fact that I had always been fit, doubt still lingered.

I managed to get through all of the testing and even avoided falling off of the dreaded balance beam; a major weakness for me. I was happy with my performance and sure that I would progress further. I flew back to my state of residence, and eventually received the call I was hoping for; I had made it to the next round, the psychological test. I paid, yet again, for a flight to travel interstate, with the hopes of passing the test and progressing to the interview round. I went in feeling fairly good. I knew I was more than capable and would make a good firefighter. I finished the psych test and headed home again. I finally received notification: ‘We are sorry to inform that you have been unsuccessful in progressing to the next stage of recruitment.’ If I only had a dollar for the number of times I’ve received that particular email and read that phrase. This time, it broke me.

At face value, you wouldn’t think failing to be successful in one application process was such a big deal. Many people apply for jobs and get knocked back from time to time, but this was different. I had spent years desperately trying to be acknowledged for the person, worker and employee I knew I was and could be, only to come up short, each and every time. When I did get a job, it seemed to only happen when the planets aligned and by some stroke of rare luck.

Lead up

I grew up in a normal middle-class family. I was a shy kid and did my best to do the right things in and out of school. Up until high school I was a happy child, and life seemed to be going well. Then my family moved from the country to the city and I started high school. I was immediately behind the 8-ball as I had missed the foundational lessons I needed to make sense of some of the subjects. The country curriculum seemed to be lacking and I was suffering the consequences of this insufficient education. I developed bad acne and I was one of the few kids at the time to have braces, which made me super self-conscious. I developed a negative state of mind and struggled to feel good in or out of school hours. I became severely depressed, and had it not been for my dog, Rambo, who was my best mate, I really don’t know if I would have made it through those years.

I left school and joined the Defence Force on a whim, hoping to find my feet in a ground combat position. I thrived in this role and enjoyed the physical aspect of the training. I didn’t really discover my true identity during my Air Force career, as I was yet to transcend my foundational conditioning. Despite having a mild sense of identity confusion, I found myself always striving for high standards and working tirelessly to maintain them. At the end of six years, my time as a soldier had run its natural course, so I decided to discharge from the Defence Force. In my mind, I thought that I would have no trouble getting a good job, as I had developed such high standards and integrity.

This turned out to be a fantasy and a falsehood, which only existed in my mind and took years to accept. I thought I would easily find a decent career and life would just work out for me. After leaving the Defence Force, I spent several years travelling the world on and off, which was amazing and completely eye-opening, but every now and then I would slow down and try to settle into a career. I started by applying for the kind of jobs I thought I would like. Most of the jobs I was interested in were related to animals, fitness and also government. Eventually, tired of being knocked back, I ended up lowering my standards just to get some kind of work, anything. I started applying for the kind of jobs a non-English-speaking migrant might apply for upon arrival in an English-speaking country. Jobs that required few skills and little experience. But despite lowering my standards, I just couldn’t seem to catch a break.

This was eating away at my happiness. Little by little my self-worth was eroding and I was finding it hard to not hate my life and myself. The years went by and I continued to struggle. Finally, I reached my breaking point: the day I received notification of failure to progress further through the firefighter recruitment process.

The reason I wanted to share this part of my life story is to demonstrate how I ended up in such an endless pattern of failure and struggle, but to also show that I, too, understand what it can feel like to be kicked in the guts by life over and over again.

Revelation

I didn’t realise it at first, but I had been stuck in a pattern of thinking that had totally crushed my potential. By always trying to please everyone and doing exactly what I was told to do, I was actually diminishing my potential and hindering the development of my character. What I knew about myself had been handed to me in the form of others’ opinions, which never afforded me the opportunity to learn more about myself. My self-worth hinged on what others thought of me, and the depression I had developed made me hyper-sensitive to failure. Because of this psychological barrier, I seldom risked the possibility of failure occurring. I achieved this by avoiding every unnecessary challenge in front of me and by setting the bar very low, so as to ensure a higher possibility of success.

I believed that being a good person and fitting into what others expected of me meant that I would be valued and accepted, but that just wasn’t enough. These patterns of thinking became my identity, and I didn’t even realise that I was stuck in a cycle. These revelations only occurred to me in the weeks, months and years following my failed attempt to become a firefighter.

When we hit rock bottom, we have three options: cancel out of life, continue to dig deeper into the pit of despair, or decide that things are going to be different in a positive way from then on.

Fortunately, for me, I decided that I would turn everything around. It was a matter of timing. My state of hopelessness and frustration, caused by an additional failure, coincided with me hearing one particular phrase, which became the catalyst for an amazing change in my thinking. I heard the speaker Anthony Robbins say, ‘If you continue to do what you have always done, you will get what you have always gotten.’ Suddenly, it dawned on me. This phrase, coupled with the timing of my state of hopelessness, woke me up from a blind and automatic way of thinking. In that moment, I knew I would have to resist my usual thinking and progress in a different way.

Why this book is for you

From the day I decided to do and think differently, I have been on an upward trend. I still encounter many obstacles, but I always drive forward, no matter what. I have become an open-minded, resilient and resourceful individual, and the belief I have cultivated continues to grow. The thing is, I may have had a revelation, but all this growth didn’t come from nothing; it came from awareness. My improved awareness is the result of what has now become my passion and purpose in life. I am passionate about trying to understand the many complex areas that make up our lives, but in particular human behaviour and thinking.

I’ve gone from never reading a book after high school, to reading around 300 books within three years. I started to study and take in information wherever I could find it. The subjects I focused on the most were neuroscience, psychology, behaviour, coaching, success, leadership, personal development, self-help, finance, business, emotional intelligence, nutrition, fitness, health, genetics, quantum physics, stress management, mindfulness and anything else remotely related.

The way I view myself now is as a connector between the world of scientific research and the everyday person. During the process of learning, I have realised that there is a massive disconnect between the current research and findings, and what most people are actually aware of. A lot of the amazing advances and discoveries take several years and even decades before they filter down to general public awareness.

I now wish to impart the awareness I have gained to anyone ready or willing to listen and to those reading this book. It is my hope that the information and awareness I provide has a profound and positive influence on you, as it has had for me. I would like to express the fact that I am writing this book out of deep empathy for others who are struggling in life as I did, and a genuine sense of care for people in general. If I am able to motivate or inspire just one person, it will have been worth it. So, I encourage you to move forward into the following pages, learn about yourself and understand your true potential. We live just once on Earth; you might as well live it as the best possible version of you.

One final tip before we get started

Although I have changed and am incredibly happy for the changes in my thinking, I did have days where I struggled and questioned the process. I want you to understand that it is a process and it takes time and effort to allow the new information to be practised and programmed. It is important to give it time. Just like the muscles in your arms, the wiring of your brain takes time to build. The old connections have to be rerouted and reinforced, which only happens through practise. There may be days where you are frustrated and you don’t see the results, but persevere; you never know when the benefits of your change will manifest as rewards in your life. It is now time to change your thinking, to transform your life, to rise from the ashes of defeat as a Flaming Phoenix.

Awareness is the greatest agent for change.

—Eckhart Tolle

The structure of this book

The Evolution Through Awareness process is broken down into four sections.

The present

Priming

The foundation

Influential awareness

Introduction to the sections

The present

The purpose of this stage is individual orientation. Before you set off on your journey, you need to understand where you are right now. Every individual will begin their journey toward personal transformation from a different location and position in life. Some may be well on their way, having already taken great steps forward, but others may feel they are well behind. It is important to establish your starting point because this will ground you in reality and establish a kind of acceptance of how far you have to travel to end up at your desired destination. Although this section is brief, it is the first step forward on your journey and is necessary in achieving a level of acceptance. If you are reading this, I am almost certain you are here because you want to improve your life in some way. Maybe you want to improve your life a little or maybe you desire a more dramatic change. Either way, establishing this baseline will set the scene for the journey ahead.

Priming

This section is devoted to readying your mind in preparation for transformation. During my time as a personal trainer, I recognised a particular behavioural characteristic common to many people, especially for those with fitness and health goals. This was a lack of mental preparedness prior to attempting to achieve a personal health goal. People would come in with good intentions, especially around New Year’s, but within no time at all, their pace would stagnate and they would disappear from the gym, only to reappear a few months or maybe a year later with the exact same goal, having made no progress. Why? It is my belief that some people are simply not ready for change. Transforming a life, changing habits, shifting a mindset… these are no easy tasks. I noticed that those who did succeed and achieve their health goals seemed to be prepared and ready to accept the necessary sacrifices prior to starting their journey.

A prepared mind is a mind ready to accept, absorb and analyse new information. Not only that, it has the capacity to influence action based on new information, and is not stifled by hindering negative thoughts of failure. It isn’t a perfect mind, but it is one ready for change and transformation.

If an individual steps forward, attempting to achieve something significant in their life, they do not want to take this step while burdened by mental and emotional baggage. A single false belief or irrational fear can be enough to hold someone back from a dramatic transformation. Consider the fear of failure, for example. How many people don’t take the necessary steps forward to change their life simply because of this one irrational fear. Priming is designed to dispel false ideas, crush hindering beliefs, encourage action, ground an individual in reality and prepare them for an amazing shift in their life.

The foundation

There are certain underpinning principles that make up the key aspects of personal transformation. Each key is simple, but profound in effect. Many self-help books claim to have the perfect equation, algorithm, steps, principles and keys essential for creating change in your life. Most tend to focus on wealth above all other things, making claims such as ‘Five steps to wealth’, or ‘Get rich in one month using our secret wealth code’. In nearly all cases, however, these claims are pure bullshit. Having said that, I am now going to tell you that I have developed nine fundamental principles necessary for creating great change in your life. Seems rich doesn’t it, coming from someone who just burned many other self-help approaches? Nonetheless, I do believe these nine keys have the potential to not only realign your life to your desires, but to drive great change and transformation. I have the utmost confidence in these principles and will not make any unrealistic claims based on these foundational keys. Instead, I will tell you that these keys have been developed through my own experience, learning, research, analysis and a great deal of self-reflection. I am absolutely certain of the power each of the Evolution Through Awareness keys has in creating a positive shift in your life.

The purpose of the keys is to provide an obvious platform, an easy reference and a guide in relation to the process of change, transformation and developing stability in your life. It is great to read and absorb a significant volume of information to help change your life, but most people just want a quick guide, something that is simple and easy to follow. If that’s what you have been looking for, you have found it!

I am confident that as you read through the foundation section and come to understand each of the keys, you will see just how simple and effective the basic principles are.

Influential awareness

Our mind is like a puzzle, as is our life, but the puzzle pieces are different for every individual. The pieces missing from your life’s puzzle will differ from those missing from the lives of others. Awareness has the power to transform your life. The question is, what piece of awareness will trigger a shift for you? This section consists of many individual puzzle pieces, any of which may make the difference for you. I believe in the power of awareness, and for this reason I have included some of the most influential concepts and ideas for the purpose of personal transformation. Imagine a book containing some of the most compelling, practical, applicable and powerful ideas from areas such as psychology, neuroscience, self-help, life coaching, business, economics, wellbeing and more. This section is named ‘influential awareness’ because each subject has the capacity to subtly or dramatically influence your thinking and, therefore, your actions. As you make your way through this book, the possibility of finding the answers to some of the unanswered questions in your life will increase and improve dramatically.

Chapter 1: The present

Orientation

This is the moment you take the opportunity to be honest with yourself and where you are in your life right now. Are you happy? Do you feel that something is missing? Is there more to you? Have you reached your full potential? Are you truly satisfied with your life? Think of the core areas of your life and who you are as a person, then take time to evaluate each of them, honestly. I must stress the honesty part because as human beings we are amazingly adept at lying to ourselves and manipulating the truth in order to protect our fragile ego and identity.

Consider the following areas of your life:

Health

Relationships

Money

Social life

Personal development

Career

Physical environment

Fun and recreation

If you had to rate each from one to ten (ten being amazing), where would you perform well and where would you fall flat? For example, do you struggle in relationships? Do you lead an unhealthy life? What does your career look like and is it supporting you financially the way you want it to? Are you happy with your progress in life, and are you enjoying life the way you imagined you would? What is the quality of your existence? Did your life turn out the way you had hoped it would, or are you way off track?

These questions are easy to answer for some people, but difficult for others. The truth can be confronting at times, especially if the answers highlight that our life is not what we hoped it would be. Having these types of realisations can lead to depression, despair and a sense of hopelessness. I know! There was a period in my life where I had some of these thoughts and feelings. It was hard for me to accept that my life was way off track, at least in a few key areas. It may be difficult to accept and be honest with yourself, I know it was for me, but only through this level of honesty and acceptance will you have a chance to change these aspects.

There is who and where we are, and then there is who and where we wish to be. Although wishing is not enough, our wishes aren’t usually that far-fetched. Maybe you want to have a fit body, great relationships and a career you not only enjoy but one that also affords the kind of lifestyle you wish to have. Perhaps you desire more confidence, to become more resilient, to improve your physical environment and achieve great things? Ask yourself, are any of these things truly beyond the realm of possibility?

I will give you the answer to this question. It is a resounding no! All of the above are absolutely possible and they are possible for you, but only if you believe they are and you are willing to take the kind of steps that will lead you to the life you truly desire.

To start your journey, try the following two exercises.

Exercise 1

Complete the wheel of life from one to ten, to help illustrate where you desire the most change to happen and where you are already doing well. Below is an example of what the key areas might look like, but you may fill out each section with areas of life you identify with most, such as spirituality, love, achievement – it is really up to you, but these are the core areas, in my opinion.

Exercise 2

Write down each of the different aspects: health, career, money, etc. For each of these aspects, write a few lines describing exactly how you would like these different parts of your life to look. For example: Health – I will be fit and healthy. I will eat nutritious food and feel better for it. I will lose excess weight and have more confidence in myself. I will not feel shame for how I look and will no longer need the medications I have relied on due to my poor health in the past. I will be a better, stronger version of my past self.

These two exercises will help with your initial orientation and start your journey towards greater awareness. They will help clarify where you are now and where you want to eventually be.

Chapter 2: Priming

One of the biggest mistakes people make when attempting to transform their life or certain aspects of their life, is to not prepare themselves sufficiently for the journey. Priming is the process of preparing your mind in a manner that promotes potential and growth. So, rather than impulsively throwing yourself into a goal completely unprepared, priming seeks to create a readiness that improves the possibility of success before you take any forward action.

A quick story to illustrate my point. In the past I worked as a personal trainer. I remember helping a young man who had the goal of weight loss. As I showed him around the gym and explained the different exercises on his program, he looked around at the other gym members, and said, ‘Do you think I can be like them?’ In other words, is it possible for me to lose weight and look like the rest of the people in the gym? He didn’t truly believe it was possible, and therefore was unconsciously sabotaging the possibility of achieving the goal of weight loss.

He had been trying to lose weight for some time; however, each and every time he approached his goal, he did it with the exact same mindset, and therein lies the problem. He was harbouring self-sabotaging beliefs. These might have been rooted out prior to his attempt to lose weight, if he had undergone the process of priming.

This situation is common to many who desire change in their life; they are desperate for things to get better but do not take the time to prepare their mindset on subsequent attempts. If you had the goal of climbing Mount Everest but failed on the first attempt, would you prepare in the exact same way prior to your second attempt? I would hope not. Instead, it would be wise to assess and analyse the first attempt to ensure a greater chance of success on the second attempt. By priming your mind, you break down some of the barriers that have hindered your previous progress and attempts. Approaching a goal with the wrong mindset is a recipe for failure, which is why priming is absolutely essential.

Start with an open mind

Step one in the priming stage is developing an open mind. The human brain is meant to be porous and malleable, allowing new information to enter, then shifting according to the new information. People often fight to maintain the status quo – their comfort zone – and do what they can to avoid pain or discomfort. This often results in a narrow trajectory in life and a stifled existence. It is all too easy to be trapped in flawed or limited thinking based on the conditioning we experience and are subjected to throughout our lives. A closed mind essentially runs in a loop, perpetuating a certain kind of experience for years and even decades. This loop is our brain’s basic operating system and is responsible for the behaviour we exhibit.

The difference between an individual with a closed mind versus an open mind is quite obvious. A closed-minded person rarely seeks to understand beyond what they encounter at face value. They seldom question beyond what they already believe, and argue to protect their limiting beliefs. You have probably met this kind of person at some point in your life, or you might even be this person but be unaware of it. An open mind has the capacity to receive and allow new information to pass through, to be analysed, considered, collected, integrated or, possibly, rejected.

I was guilty of being closed-minded in my earlier years. I closed my mind to advice and ideas based on my own false beliefs. I believed I wasn’t good enough for relationships, wasn’t intelligent enough to study and wasn’t valuable enough to be accepted into higher positions of responsibility. When people suggested I try a different approach, or that I attempt to achieve a specific goal, I dismissed their suggestions and fired back with a defensive remark. I would talk about how it was too hard, how I had already tried before (half-heartedly, at best), how someone should recognise the good in me and that it was unfair to have to go to any great lengths to change my situation. I closed off the possibilities and potential in my life because I wasn’t open to anything new.

This is how it can look in your own life. You encourage closed-mindedness by shutting down ideas and defending your pre-existing programming. If you have wanted to change something in your life