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    The Happiness Makeover: Overcome Stress and Negativity to Become a Hopeful, Happy Person
    The Happiness Makeover: Overcome Stress and Negativity to Become a Hopeful, Happy Person
    The Happiness Makeover: Overcome Stress and Negativity to Become a Hopeful, Happy Person
    Ebook202 pages3 hours

    The Happiness Makeover: Overcome Stress and Negativity to Become a Hopeful, Happy Person

    By M.J. Ryan

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    About this ebook

    Become a Happy Person Through Positivity and Self-Care

    “A wonderful blend of motivation, inspiration, and explanation, The Happiness Makeover is a recipe for enjoying today and all your tomorrows.” —David Niven, PhD, author of The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People

    From M.J. Ryan, one of the creators of the New York Times bestselling Random Acts of Kindness series, The Happiness Makeover teaches you how to be a happy person and enjoy the experience of life again.

    Train your brain to be optimistic, even in the darkest situations. From stress management tips to positive and motivational quotes, M.J. Ryan’s positivity book shows you how to transform your mindset so that you can face any difficult challenge thrown your way.

    We all want the things that we are sure will make us a happy person —money, success, independence, and love. But when we finally get them, we can find to our surprise that we are the same miserable, moody, or unhappy person we always were. Do things have to be that way? Absolutely not!

    Cultivating the ability to feel contentment is the key. There are people whose lives are full of serious challenges who nevertheless feel peace and joy —and there are those who have few difficulties in life and yet feel hopeless negativity. You can teach yourself to be a happy person and enjoy your days. M.J. Ryan, the bestselling author of The Power of Patience and Attitudes of Gratitude, shows you how in this positive thinking guide.

    The Happiness Makeover gives you a plan that can help you:

    • Clear away happiness hindrances like worry, fear, envy, and grudges
    • Discover happiness boosters with gratitude and hope
    • Rewire your brain to experience joy
    • Learn to think optimistically and be a happy person

    If you enjoyed optimism books and positivity books like A Year of Positive Thinking, The Happiness Trap, or Habits of a Happy Brain, then you’ll love The Happiness Makeover.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherOpen Road Integrated Media
    Release dateApr 12, 2022
    ISBN9781642509281
    Author

    M.J. Ryan

    Known internationally as an expert on change, M.J. Ryan works as an executive coach to senior executives and entrepreneurs around the world to accelerate business success and personal fulfillment. She combines a practical approach gained as the CEO of a book publishing company with methodologies from neuroscience, positive psychology and asset-focused learning to help clients and readers more easily meet their goals. Her clients include Royal Dutch Shell, Microsoft, Time, the U.S. military, and Aon Hewitt. She's a partner with the Levo League career network and the lead venture coach at SheEO, an organization offering a new funding and support model for female entrepreneurs. She's the founder of Conari Press, creator of the New York Times bestselling Random Acts of Kindness series, and author of many books, including, Habit Changers: 81 Game-Changing Mantras to Mindfully Realize Your Goals.

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    Reviews for The Happiness Makeover

    4/5

    16 ratings3 reviews

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    • 5/5
      This is the remedy book ; treasure and understand happiness around you.
      You can try to review ur life to be more bright side and explore beauty of the world after reading the book. And you can become more stronger with more positive energy. Highly recommend this book to my kids when they grow up.

      1 person found this helpful

    • 3/5
      Not a lot new here, nor does the author have a beautiful prose style, but still worth browsing. Some of my favorites are practicing gratefulness, reminding yourself that this is not the end of the story, and learning to think optimistically. "To experience the 10,000 joys," the author quotes writer Jack Kornfield, "you must be willing to touch the 10,000 sorrows."
    • 4/5
      Ms. Ryan's little book is full of wisdom and practical advice. She has arranged the short chapters in a logical order, building up the case for happiness as well as her credibility as she goes. She starts by assuring the reader "You can be happier" through a one chapter discussion of her own journey toward increased happiness. She next asks the reader "What's standing in your way?" through 17 short chapters that examine happiness barriers. Chapters 18-53, each a short, one-topic essay, give the reader advice on "activating daily happiness." Knowing that we sometimes need a quick fix, she concludes with "twenty-two instant happiness boosters." Ms. Ryan's last paragraph in the final chapter, "loving your life," conveys her intent in writing the book as well as her tone: "May you find joy in your ordinary days and may you bring joy to others through the beauty of your heart, mind, and spirit."

    Book preview

    The Happiness Makeover - M.J. Ryan

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    Praise for

    The Happiness Makeover

    M.J. Ryan is a wonderful guide for helping people learn the art and science of being truly happy. She speaks from her experience, and her vulnerability and sincerity are infectious. After reading this inspiring and informative book, you’ll know the best ideas and methods for creating a delicious and delightful life.

    —Jonathan Robinson, author of Find Happiness Now

    and Communication Miracles for Couples

    This book is like happy electricity—connecting us all to our joy, which we continually forget how to access.

    —SARK, author/artist of

    Make Your Creative Dreams Real

    "A wonderful blend of motivation, inspiration, and explanation, The Happiness Makeover is a recipe for enjoying today and all your tomorrows."

    —David Niven, PhD, author of

    The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People

    "Happiness is at the fingertips of every person on the planet. In The Happiness Makeover, M. J. Ryan provides example after example of people learning how to choose happiness. She offers wisdom from the ages and provides practical insights and advice on how you, too, can achieve happiness right now. A fun and enlightening book."

    —Barry Neil Kaufman, author of 

    Happiness Is a Choice and co-founder of the Option Institute

    While we all want to be happy, we’re not always sure that we know what happiness is or how to have more if it. This wonderful book answers both questions. It’s based on the wisdom of the ages, and is informative, upbeat, and a delight to read. Keep it handy.

    —Hal Urban, author of Life’s Greatest Lessons

    The

    Happiness

    Makeover

    Overcome Stress and Negativity

    to Become a Hopeful, Happy Person

    M. J. Ryan

    Copyright © 2005, 2022, by M.J. Ryan

    Published by Conari Press, a division of Mango Publishing Group, Inc.

    Cover Design: Elina Diaz

    Layout Design: Jane Hagaman

    Mango is an active supporter of authors’ rights to free speech and artistic expression in their books. The purpose of copyright is to encourage authors to produce exceptional works that enrich our culture and our open society.

    Uploading or distributing photos, scans or any content from this book without prior permission is theft of the author’s intellectual property. Please honor the author’s work as you would your own. Thank you in advance for respecting our author’s rights.

    For permission requests, please contact the publisher at:

    Mango Publishing Group

    2850 S Douglas Road, 4th Floor

    Coral Gables, FL 33134 USAinfo@mango.bz

    For special orders, quantity sales, course adoptions and corporate sales, please email the publisher at sales@mango.bz. For trade and wholesale sales, please contact Ingram Publisher Services at customer.service@ingramcontent.com or +1.800.509.4887.

    The Happiness Makeover: Overcome Stress and Negativity to Become a Hopeful, Happy Person

    Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on request.

    ISBN: (p) 978-1-64250-927-4 (e) 978-1-64250-928-1

    BISAC category code HEA055000, HEALTH & FITNESS / Mental Health

    Printed in the United States of America

    "Remember happiness doesn’t depend upon who you are or what you have;

    it depends solely on what you think."

    —Dale Carnegie

    Contents

    I

    You Can Be Happier

    II

    What's Standing in Your Way?

    1  Kena Hura, Poo, Poo, Poo What’s Your Happiness Myth?

    2  Is Your Brain Wired to See Danger Everywhere?

    3  Do You Motivate Yourself Through Discontent?

    4  What’s So Bad about Getting Your Hopes Up?

    5  Are You Envious of Others?

    6  Is Your Head Full of Negative ­Self-­Talk?

    7  Are You Caught in the ­Never-­Ending Desire for More Stuff?

    8  Do You Need to Give Up Grudges?

    9  Do You Expect Life to Be Fair?

    10  Is Worry a Constant Companion?

    11  Do Expectations Get in Your Way?

    12  Are You Focused on the Closed Door?

    13  Do You Suffer from Regret?

    14  Does Perfectionism Have You in Its Grip?

    15  Do You Always Have to Be Right?

    16  Do You Need to Adjust Your Happiness Set Point?

    17  What about Biochemistry?

    III

    Activating Daily Happiness

    18  Recognize That Your Happiness Is Your Own Responsibility

    19  Remember, You’re Not Responsible for Anyone Else’s Happiness—Including Your Kids’

    20  Know That Everyone Wants to Be Happy

    21  Find Ways to Use Your Full Powers

    22  Before Freaking Out, Wait for the End of the Story

    23  When Faced with an Obstacle,

    Change, Leave, or Allow—with Grace

    24  Figure Out What Really Matters to You

    25  Shine the Flashlight on What’s Right

    26  To Touch the 10,000 Joys, Be Willing to

    Touch the 10,000 Sorrows

    27  Be Happy for Everyone Else’s Sake

    28  Learn to Think Optimistically

    29  Give Yourself a Why to Live

    30  Expand Your Notion of Love

    31  Revel in Life’s Simple Pleasures

    32  Find Ways to Enjoy Your Work

    33  Lose Yourself in Something

    34  Make Your Peace with Money

    35  Realize We Aren’t Meant to Be Happy All the Time

    36  Remember, You Always Have Choices

    37  Do You Need a Nice REST?

    38  Expand Your Happiness Portfolio

    39  Practice Gratefulness

    40  Get Out of Yourself

    41  Accept the Duty of Delight

    42  Take a Hormonal Happiness Shower

    43  Shine Where You Are

    44  Become a Good Finder

    45  Keep Frustrations in Perspective

    46  Find Your Tribe

    47  Make a List of What You Enjoy about Yourself

    48  Do an Integrity Check

    49  Stretch Yourself

    50  Cultivate Sensibility

    51  Take the Actions You Can

    52  Make Someone Else Happy

    53  What Are You Waiting For?

    IV

    Twenty-­two Instant

    Happiness Boosters

    V

    Loving Your Life

    Acknowledgments

    Bibliography

    About the Author

    I

    You Can Be Happier

    What would happen to us if we really fell in love with life? How would our lives change if we really thought... that reality is fabulous... ? Would we be fools of whom other people take advantage, or would we find that life is exciting, joyful, and wonderful?

    —James A. Kitchens

    It was a cold, dreary Saturday morning. My husband and I had plans to go out to dinner for a joint birthday celebration. Then Ana, our then three-year-old, woke up with a fever. She’d had recurring pneumonia since we adopted her at age one and fever was the warning sign. Cancel the sitter and hunker down to deal with one crabby child. For a sick Ana was not a pleasant experience—she’d cling to me and scream bloody murder if Don or anyone else came close.

    Somehow we survived the day, but not without many tears and tantrums. As night fell, I had her in my lap in the rocking chair. Hard day, huh Ana, I said. What was going on? What do you want?

    She looked up at me and wailed, I just want to be happy.

    Don’t we all? No matter who we are or what our circumstances, isn’t that what we each long for? Happiness, the experience of the sheer joy of being alive. Indeed, it is such an important shared value that the Declaration of Independence identifies its pursuit as one of only three unalienable rights.

    We all want it so badly, but like Ana on that December day, so many of us don’t seem to know how to experience it on a consistent basis. Maybe the problem is with the word pursue. Somehow we’ve gotten the message that happiness is out there, something to be sought after—in the right job, the mate who never annoys you, the $50,000 BMW—rather than inside ourselves. We’ve trained ourselves to think in if onlys—if only our spouse would come home from work earlier, we’d be happy; if only we’d make $20,000 more a year, we’d be happy; if only we could be a stay-at-home mom, we’d be happy. We spend our time trying to make our if onlys come true only to discover that even if we do achieve them, a new if only arises.

    That was certainly true for me. For most of my first forty years, I was your average negative person. I would religiously catalog all that was wrong with my life and spend my time and energy trying to create a happier tomorrow. But when getting what I was sure would make me happy didn’t—independence, money, success—I realized that I’d been looking in all the wrong places. So I decided to do a happiness makeover. This twelve-year process has led me to write a series of books on the virtues of kindness, gratitude, generosity, patience, and self-trust as ways to be happy, and to now look at happiness head-on. I’ve studied happy people, read all the books, done a lot of soul-searching, worked hard on myself, and offered a helping hand to my clients.

    This week, I got a bit of validation that I’m getting somewhere. We’ve been doing work in our backyard, and I invited the contractor and his wife to dinner as a thank-­you. I’d spoken maybe twenty-five words to them beforehand. We had our normal family time, including after-dinner dancing in the living room with Ana. The next day, the man came to the door to thank me. That was nice, he said with a smile. You’re really happy, aren’t you?

    I am, I thought, and it’s taken fifty years of work to get here. Maybe that’s why I’ve written this book—so that others won’t have to struggle so long, so that more of us can answer a resounding yes, so that happiness can blossom to its fullness for ourselves and for those we encounter on our path.

    Happiness is its own reward, but it doesn’t stop there. Happy people are accepting of themselves, so they don’t spend precious time in regret. They accept others, too, so are free to love people as they are, rather than expending energy trying to do a repair job on everyone in sight. They look positively to the future so they don’t spend a lot of time in worry or fear. They are engaged with life as a wonderful adventure in which they are here to give their best. The zest with which they encounter life is contagious; people are drawn into their orbit and success seems to be attracted as well. They’re healthier too. A study reported recently in the Journal of Neurology found that happy older people are less likely to develop Alzheimer’s disease. Studies have also found that folks who are happy are less likely to die prematurely or even develop colds.

    As I’ve thought, read, and practiced the art of happiness, I’ve come to understand a few things: first, that the search for happiness is at the root of all human activity throughout the ages; second, that happiness must be experienced in this moment or risk never being felt at all. While we can get nostalgic for the past—oh, I used to be so happy—or wistful about the future—someday I will be happy—it is now, in this very moment, that we must create the only happiness that we can count on.

    Most important, I’ve learned that while scientists have recently discovered we each have a genetic happiness set point, a place on the emotional spectrum we tend to drift toward, it accounts for only 40–50 percent of our happiness (which they determined by studying twins raised apart). What that means is that we all can experience more contentment and joyfulness no matter who we are. For as of yet, no one has discovered an upward limit on good feelings.

    In a very real sense, happiness is the ultimate makeover. Why else do we spend money and time on fixing our houses, our bodies, our relationships except that we want to be happier? Rather than trying to shore up baggy eyelids or redo mismatched furniture in an attempt to experience greater overall satisfaction and enjoyment, why not go directly to the source—cultivating the mental and emotional outlooks that will generate a sense of joyfulness independent of couch fabric or lipstick brand?

    As I studied and practiced, I’ve come to understand that happiness is a feeling that arises as a result of thoughts we choose to hold and actions we choose to take to increase those good thoughts. In this way, we think our way to happiness.

    At the heart of this book is the realization that the mind is a powerful thing and its power can be used to make us happy or miserable. We can concentrate on how the world has done us wrong or the ways it does us right. We can focus on where we’re stuck or how we’re free. We can take the opportunity to notice the ordinary miracles around us. We can find ways to truly enjoy, even to relish, the moments of our lives.

    While certain thinking creates happiness, happiness itself may also create better thinking: [T]here is a growing body of evidence that people think more effectively and expansively when they are happy than when they are not, noted Professor Barry Schwartz in a recent speech to Swarthmore graduates. For instance, doctors who were given bags of candy before seeing patients—a happiness booster—increased their accuracy and speed of diagnosis.

    Before psychology got interested in happiness, about ten years ago, this topic

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