Bhor o Shandhyara

fvi I mviv bvgQ e`bvq

Avngv` gvdv Kvgvj
fvi I mviv bvgQ e`bvq 11
HwZn
c_g cKvk deqvwi 2008 cKvkK HwZn
cQ` ae Gl M^Z Avngv` gvdv Kvgvj
ISBN NO.: 984-776-548-0
g~j : 100 UvKv
DrmM Avgvi mKj Avb`-e`bvi mx Sibv wcqZgvmy, AbKw`b AvM Zvgvi e ìRvq ùvwoq bwQjvg fZi _K Zzwg MvBQv hvI hvI Zzwg wdi, GB gywQby AvuwL Avwg wK wdi hvBwb!
m~wP
eov e`bvi gZv eRQ WvK GwU GKwU cgi M nq DVZ cviZv Nbvqgvb mv A_ev eR IVvi M Avi wKQzB wQjv bv nvivevi GwU Kvbv icK_v bq Ni kixii M wbQK cgi M
jLKi Abvb cKvwkZ M

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. wZxq gvbyl, MM, wècKvk, 1998 Avgiv GKwU Mi Rb Acv KiwQ, MM, Abbv, 2001 AvMK, Dcbvm, kveY cKvkbx, 2002 AKvi wKQyB `Lv hvQ bv ej, MM, KvMR cKvkb, 2004 mskqxì Cki, mRbkxj cei msKjb, Azi cKvkbx, 2006 NifiwZ gvbyl A_ev btk, MM,cvVm~, 2007
eov e`bvi gZv eRQ

XvKvi evBi Mj, wdi Avmvi ci ek KqKw`b gb Lvivc nq _vK| bZzb wKQz bq Aek, GgbwU Avgvi me mgqB nq, wK GeviiwU hb GKUz AbiKg| Gevi gb nQ ILvb hb Kx dj GmwQ! GgbwU nevi K_v bq, ILvb dj Avmvi gZv wKQy bB Avgvi| Kb Ggb jvMQ Rvwb bv| AwbQv mI XvKvi evBi wMqwQjvg wWckb KvUvZ, Wvvii civgk, ejwQjbew`b GKNqwgc~Y Rxeb hvcbi Rb wWckb fyMQb, Awdm _K QzwU wbq XvKvi evBi _K ewoq Avmyb, `Leb fvjv jvMe| me nj ezeve RywUq GKm ewiq coyb, KqKUv w`b n-njv Ki KvwUq w`b; Rxeb gvS gvS P Avbv ìKvi| wK w`b mvZK KvwUq Avmvi ciI Avgvi Aevi GZUzKz DbwZ bv nq eis AebwZ nqQ| wWckb Aviv eoQ| Kvbv KvR gb emQ bv, Kvbv wKQz fvjv jvMQ bv| wKQzZB ^vfvweK nZ cviwQ bv _K _K KejB gb nQ, ILvb Kx hb dj GmwQ! Kx dj Gjvg? hvIqvi mgq ezì cvBwb| GLb wK Avi AZv mnR ezì cvIqv hvq? mevB Lye e| mevi Zv Avi Avgvi gZv wWckbi mgmv bB, mevBK Zv Avi Avgvi gZv ivZi ci ivZ bv Nywgq KvwUq w`Z nq bv, mevB Zv Avi Avgvi gZv Ggb fqsKi KvwZ fvM bv Avgvi WvK Iiv mvov è Kb? A_P GKKvj Kvbv GKKvj, mBme w`b Avgvi Rxeb GmwQjv GLb Avi Zv wekvmB nZ Pvq bv Avgiv Kx bv KiwQ! PvBZ bv PvBZ U Ki ewiq cowQ kni Qo, `ki AvbvP-KvbvP Nyi ewiqwQ| ZLb cKUi Aev fvjv wQjvbv, wK gbUv wQjv ZvRv dzidzi cKUi K_v wPvZB AvmZv bv| GLb Avgvì mevi AevB ek fvjv, wK gbUv Avi AvMi gZv bB| mevi msmvi nqQ, eD-Qjgq nqQ; PvKwi ev eemv wbq, mgvR-msmvi wbq mKjB Kgewk e Kej AvgviB wKQz njv bv| PvKwi KiwQ, wbZv wKQz bv KijB bq ej, wK Avi wKQz bB| msmvi nqwb, G evcvi Kvbv AvMnB eva Kwiwb Kvbvw`b| eis msmvii Kbv eivei AvgvK Kv Ki ZzjZv ej I c_ gvovBwb Avi Ni ZvB Kvbv AvKlY bB| Aek msmvix gvbylì Ni h Kvb AvKlYUv _vK ZvI Avwg eySZ cvwi
bv| x! Avwg fveZB cvwi bv, GKRb gv gvbyli KvQ hvi KvQ `vqe _vKvi `vmL weqi mgqB wjL `qv nq evievi wdi Avmvi ga Kvbv AvKlY _vKZ cvi! mvb! mUvI ev AvKlYi K` nq Kx Ki? msmvi nqwb ej Avgvi ga Kvbv Ac~YZvi eva bB| eis Keva AvQ mBme ezi Rb weq Ki hviv Lye msmvix nq MQ, mv nZ bv nZ hviv `vwqZkxj ^vgx ev wcZvi gZv Ni di, mvi ci wUwf `L, evPvì cov `L, eDqi m kwcsq hvq, mvn kl KuvPvevRvi hvq, evi `ycyi Uzwc gv_vq w`q gmwR` hvq| Iì RbB Avgvì Avvjv fO MQ| GKmgq hviv gaivZ ch Avv w`q Ni wdi gvqi eKv bZv, Zviv GLb eDqi fq mv nZ bv nZB Ni di fvev hvq! G h KZv eo AatcZb Iiv Zv eySZB Pvq bv, Dv wbq `q msmvii gg ZzB Kx eySwe? Zv eU| I Avgvi Kvbvw`b evSv ne bv, evSvi mvaI bB| wK weq bv KiI Zv AvgvK IB mvZB Ni wdiZ nQ! mB cvPxb, cwieZbnxb, vb, welY Ni| bv wdiB ev Kiev Kx? hvev Kv_vq? GB kni hvevi RvqMv-B ev Kv_vq? Mvg _K Avmv gvbylì ga GB kni wYK weg RvMvq eU, wK hviv emevm Ki Zviv evS, Kx mvsNvwZK gbvUvbvm GB kni| Avi eznxb GB kni h Kx cwigvY exfrm nZ cvi, Zv Kej eznxbivB evS| `xNw`b ai Ggb GK Rxebhvcbi ga _KB Kx bv Rvwb bv AZ Wvvi ZvB gb Kib Avwg fqven wWckb fyMwQ| mviv ivZ Avgvi Nyg Avm bv, GgbwK Nygi IlyaI GLb Avi KvR `q bv, mKvji w`K PvL fO Nyg bg GjI Awdmi Zvov _vK ej eivZB nq| w`bi ci w`b ZvB bv NywgqB KvwUq w`Z nQ| GZ `xNw`b ai bv Nygvj kixi Kvw AvmeB, nqZv mRbB Avwg GZ Kv nq _vwK AvRKvj| Wvvi ejvi ciI wmv wbZ KqKw`b KU Mjv| wmv wbq ezì Abyiva KiZ KiZ Mjv Aviv KqKw`b| KDB ivwR njv bv, mevB Lye e, bvbv mgmv GKKRbi| Zvici, GB Zv MZ mvn, GKvB ewiq cojvg| Kv_vq hvev wKQzB wVK KiZ cviwQjvg bv| kl gyn~Z ijkb wMq PMvgi wUKU wKbwQ| kniUv Avgvi Lye Pbv, wcqI eU| eevi wMqwQ, ew`b _KwQI| GLb Avi bZzb Kvbv kni wMq bZzb Ki mewKQz Avwevi Kivi eqm bB, eis Pbv kniB fvjv| KUwQjvg ZyYv-wbkx_vi wUKU| ivZ mevB Nygvq ej Ubi KvUgU _vK Zzjbvg~jKfve wbSzg, bxie| ivw wbSzg Mvwo fiv Nyg, ivw wbSzg Mvwo fiv Nyg ejZ ejZ Ub
GMvq ek jvM| wK Ub DVB GUv avv LZ njv| Avgvi hLvb emvi K_v Zvi cvki wmU GKRb ek icmx gq em AvQ| GgbwU nevi K_v bq, GgbwU KLbv nqwb| Rxeb e Rvwb KiwQ Avwg me iKg Rvwb wK Kvbvw`b mnhvx wnme Kvbv icmx ZiYxK cvBwb| eziv AvgvK GRb Kzdv ejZv, ejZv Zvi m Rvwb Kiv cvc| mB Avgvi wVK cvki wmU icmx ZiYx! Awekvm! Avwg cKU _K wUKU ei Ki `Ljvg| bv wVKB AvQ, Avgvi GLvbB emvi K_v Rvbvjvi cvk 22 bî wmU| gqwU em AvQ, m DV bv ùvovj Rvbvjvi cvk wMq emvI mgmv| Avwg BZZ KiwQjvg, gqwU ^Ztce nq ejjv GUv Avcbvi wmU? nuv| gqwU DV ùvwoq AvgvK fZi XvKvi eev Ki w`jv, Avi Avwg Zvi GB AhvwPZ f`Zvq cvq gy nq Mjvg| wK emI Avwg kvw cvwQjvg bv| eivei Avwg Rvbvjvi cvk emZ cQ` Kwi, wK AvRK wec` cov Mjv| XvKv _K PMvg cQZ cvq mvZ Nv mgq jvMe| GLb GMvivUv evR, eovRvi GK-ò Nvi ga cyiv Ub Nywgq coe, Avgvi cvkewZbxI RM _vKe ej gb nq bv| A_P Avgvi Nyg Avme bv| GgwbZB Avgvi Nyg nq bv, Avi RvwbZ! Ame| Avi G KviYB evievi evBi hvIqvi cqvRb coe Avgvi| Ub RvwbUv Avwg cQ` Kwi GB KviYB, GKUy nuvUvPjv Ki mgqUv cvi Ki `qv hvq| wK GLb gb nQ GB mvZ-AvU Nv AvgvK cv wUqB em _vKZ ne| cvkeZx Nyg mnhvxK wWwOq KZveviB ev evBi eivbv hvq, wekl Ki m hw` nq wecixZ wji? G Kx wec` cov Mjv! gqwUK Rvbvjvi cvk Gm emZ ejev bvwK? wK Zv-B ev ewj Kxfve, hw` wKQz gb Ki! GKRb icmx ZiYx wKfve GKwU RvwbK exfrm Ki ZzjZ cvi Zv GLb nvo nvo Ui cvwQ| Avgvi gv^q A^w evoZ jvMjv, cvevi K_v bq Zey wmMviUi Zv cZ jvMjv, nvjKv nq Ub DVwQ Zey ZjcU Pvc Abyf~Z nZ jvMjv, Ggb bq h AbKY ai em AvwQ Zey cvq wSuwS ai Mjv, GKUz nuU Avmvi Rb gbUv AvKzcuvKz KiZ jvMjv| GBme wewea mgmvq Avgvi gyn~Zjv RRwiZ nZ jvMjv| mvaviYZ RvwbZ Avwg wmMviU LvB bv, mnhvxì Amyweavi K_v feB Avgvi wmwfK m Lye cej Ub LjI wmU _K DV wMq `yB KvUgUi gvSLvb ùvwoq Lq Avwm, GLb Avi mBZ bv ci wmMviU ei Ki VuvU jvMvjvg| wK aivevi AvMB gqwU ej DVjvGwKDR wg, Avcwb wK KvBwj wmMviUUv
evBi wMq Ub Avmeb? aiv Lvev Rvbv K_v| AvR Avgvi aiv LvIqvi w`b| bBj h Avwg wmwfK mi Rb ezì KvQ weLvZ, cejfve mgvjvwPZ Ges KLbv KLbv wbw`Z, mB AvwgB Kx bv cvkeZx mnhvxi KvQ AbygwZ bv wbqB wmMviU aivevi AvqvRb Kijvg! Avwg mwi ej VuvU _K wmMviU bvwgq djjvg, gqwU DV ùvwoq AvgvK eievi c_ Ki w`jv| PgrKvi| gqwUi Kgbm AvQ, evSv Mjv| GLb Avgvi wmMviU bv LjI Pj, md A^w KvUvevi Rb LZ PvBwQjvg, wK m K_v Avi ejvi Dcvq bB| NUbv AbK `~i GMvbvi ci Avi div hvq bv; gqwU AvgvK evBi eivevi Rb DV ùvwoq RvqMv Ki w`qQ, GLb hw` Avwg bv wMq wmUB em _vwK, m wbNvZ fvee Kx fvee K Rvb hv-B fveyK mUv AZ Avgvi c hve bv| AZGe Avwg ùvovjvg| evBi wMq Pv Ljvg, wmMviU Ljvg, UqjU _KI GKc Nyi Gjvg hb GKUz ci Avevi ZjcU Pvc Abyf~Z bv nq| Zvici cvq AvavNv ci wdi Gj gqwU Avevi DV ùvwoq AvgvK fZi hvevi RvqMv Ki w`jv| Kx weeZKi! GKUv gqK evievi DVvwQ-emvwQ fveZI wbRK Acivax gb njv| wbwZfveB Avgvi Pnvivq GLb Acivax fve, mUv `LB nqZv gqwU ejjv mwi| Kb? Avgvi Rb AvcbvK DVZ njv h! Avmj wmMviU Avgvi GZ Amyweav nq h... bv bv, Avcwb mwi ejeb Kb, AvgviB Zv jwZ nIqv DwPZ| Avgvi weeZ-fve Aviv eo Mjv| gqwU m`q m`n bB, bBj AvgvK weeZ iLB Pzc Ki hZ cviZv| Zv bv Ki cm cv wRm Kijv wPUvMvs hvQb? nuv| eovZ? nuv| Avcwb? Avwg evwoZ hvwQ, gv-evevi KvQ| I, Avcwb PvUMuvi gq! Kv_vq evwo Avcbvì? kniB? nuv| nvwjkni| XvKvq eovZ GmwQjb?
bv, covkvbv Kwi| Kv_vq? XvKv BDwbfvwmwUZ| I| Kvb mveR? wdwR| wdwR! Kvb Bqvi? mK Bqvi| Zvi gvb gqwU eqm Avgvi cvq GK hyMi QvU| KviY eviv eQi AvM Avwg XvKv BDwbfvwmwUZ mK Bqvi coZvg| wdwRB| Kv-BwW? wK gqwUK evcviUv ejjvg bv| Avi wRm bv Kij ewjB ev wKfve? Aek GKB wWcvUgUi wfb mgqi `yRb wkv_xi ga GB welqwU wbqB Avjvc Rg DVZ cvi| wkKì K_v wRm Kiv hvq, Zvì wbq gRvi gRvi M Kiv hvq, wWcvUgUi eZgvb Aev wbq Avjvc Kiv hvq BZvw`| wK Avwg, Kb Rvwb bv, Kzv eva KiwQjvg| eviv eQii QvU GKwU gqi m Gfve Avjvc RgvbvUv kvfb ej gb nwQjv bv| Avcwb? wR! gvb, Avcwb wK Kib? PvKwi Kwi| Kv_vq? GKUv cvBfU dvg| wPUvMvs eovZ hvQb ejwQjb, Kvi KvQ? Kviv KvQ bq| Zvnj? _vKeb Kv_vq? _vKev Kvbv nvUj| I| Gfve Avgvì cv_wgK Avjvc kl njv| Aek c_g cwiPqi KwVbZg AskwU ciii bvg Rb bqv Gi ga nq MQ| I exw_| Avi Avwg Zv AvwgB| Gici Avi Kx _vK? Avjvc kl| Gevi PzcPvc em _vKv hvq| wK Mjv bv| Suvwcq ew Gj Avi Avwg Ab mevi gZv Rvbvjv bvwgq w`j exw_ ejjv RvbvjvUv e Kijb Kb? ek Zv jvMwQjv|
wK? ew| Kx PgrKvi ew nQ! ew `LZ Avcbvi fvjv jvM? nuv, Lye| Avcbvi? Avgvi jvM bv| Kb? ewK Kvbvi gZv gb nq| exw_ c~Y PvL Avgvi w`K ZvKvjv| ejjv, Avcwb Lye ivgvwUK gvbyl ZvB bv? G K_vi Kx Di èv? ejev h, Avwg Lye welv`M gvbyl? welv` wK ivgvwUwmRgiB AviKwU cKvk bq? ckUvi Kvbv Di nq bv, ZvB Ab K_v ejjvg Avcwb GLvb Gm emeb? Rvbvjv Lyj w`B| ew `Lyb| gqwU evanq jv cjv| ejjv bv, wVK AvQ| GKUz ci DV ùvovjv exw_| meZ UqjU hve| Avgvi w`K GKevi PwKZ ZvwKq mvRv nuU Mjv, Avi Avwg cQb _K Ii w`K ZvwKq iBjvg| gqwUi Kvgi ch GKivk gNeY ikwg Pzj| Amvgvb myì| hZUv fewQjvg, gqwU Zvi Pq AbK ewk icmx| AKviY, cvq wbRi ARv, GKUv `xNkvm cojv Avgvi| Avi `xNkvmwU AvgvK fvweq Zzjjv| `xNkvm cojv Kb? gqwU AZ icmx GB fvebvi m `xNkvmi mK wK? wbRK evowZ fvebvi myhvM `qvUv wiw gb njv, evcviUv fyj _vKvi Rb evBii w`K ZvKvjvg| Rvbvjvi KvuP ew co a~mi nq MQ| Avwg AvOyj w`q wjLjvg ebjZv mb| Kb wjLjvg? gqwUi Pzj `L? Pzj Zvi KeKvi AKvi wew`kvi w`kv! wbRK fveevi myhvM w`Z PvBwb, Zey wbRi ARv IKB fe PjwQ, gbUv kvmb gvbZ PvBQ bv| GKUz ciB exw_K wdi AvmZ `L Avwg wbRi wmU _K DV ùvovjvg Gevi IK Rvbvjvi cvk emZ ejZ cvwi, ew `LyK| ejjvgI| I webv-evK-eq g`y GKUv nvwm w`q Avgvi wmU emZ emZ ejjv Zv Avcbvi ebjZv mbUv K? Rvbvjvi KuvP jLvUv Ii PvL coQ, Avi ckUvI Dkc~Y mviv Rxeb `LwQ, G aibi ck ^-cwiwPZ `yRb gvbyli mKi aib cv `q| Geviv ZvB njv| Avgvi gyL w`q ^ZtZfve, cvq wbRi ARv ewiq Gjv Avcwb|
Avwg! exw_ fxlY AevK Avwg Avcbvi ebjZv mb njvg wKfve? Kb, nZ cvib bv? Kxfve, ejyb! GKevi ej djwQ, K_vUv Zv Avi wdwiq bqv hvq bv! wbRi K_vq wbRB aiv LqwQ| Ggb GKwU K_v m`cwiwPZ GKwU gqK ejv hvq bvwK? wK ej djvi ci, Ges G iKg Rivi gyL, Pzc Ki _vKvI kvfb bq| ZvB ejjvg GKUv ck Kwi, fe Di èb| AvQv| Rxebvb` `vki m ebjZv mbi K-evi `Lv nqwQjv? GKeviI bv| ebjZv mb Zv KvwbK Pwi| K ejQ! bvgUv KvwbK nZ cvi, gvbylUv bq| Avi Zvi m Rxebvbì `Lv nqwQjv gv GKevi| ZvB bvwK? nuv| wKfve ejQb h, GKeviB gv `Lv nqwQjv? KweZvwUi K_v fe `Lyb, eySZ cvieb| exw_ fvejv Kx bv evSv Mjv bv, wK gb wbjv| cKZc ebjZv mb bvg Av` KD wQjv Kx bv, _vKjI Zvi m Rxebvbì `Lv nqwQjv Kx bv Zv wK Avwg wbRB Rvwb! wK Avgvi ZLb gb nwQjv, Rxebvb`ì m ebjZvì GKeviB gv `Lv nq| Avgvi KvQ IUvB ZLb mwZ wQjv exw_K Avwg wg_ ewjwb| Gevi eySZ cviQb Zv, Kxfve Avcwb ebjZv mb nZ cvib? exw_ wKQz ejjv bv, g`y nvmjv ay| Zvici PzcPvc evBii w`K ZvwKq iBjv| Avwg nvZ evwoq RvbvjvUv Lyj w`jvg| cej ew| SvcUv nvIqvq ew fZi Pj AvmQ wK gqwU cnxb, gM| `kwU cvq Acvw_e| AZ Avgvi welv`M cw_exZ Ggb `ki Rb nq bv| ew bq, Avwg `LwQjvg exw_KB| gqwUK GLb Aviv AbK ewk myì Avi inmgqx jvMQ| wK Pzjjv eua djQ Kb? Avgvi Lye BQ njv Ii Lvjv Pzj `LZ| wbRK mvgjvZ bv ci WKI djjvg| exw_| Du| hb ^c _K RM DVjv gqwU|
Pzjjv Lyj djyb bv| exw_ AveviI Avgvi w`K c~Y PvL ZvKvjv| G nQ mB aibi PvL, hv Gckb jyKvZ cvi bv| Ggb PvL hvi _vK ZvK me K_v Lyj ejZ nq bv, PvLB ej `q AbK wKQz| exw_ mB PvL ZvKvjv Avgvi w`K, inmgq nvmjv GKUz| ejjv evZvm Do wMq Avcbvi PvLgyL coe Zv! coK| Avwg mUvB PvB| Avwg cwgKi gZv ejjvg| exw_ mwZ mwZ Pzj Lyj djjv| I Avgvi K_v ivLe, Avkv Kwiwb| Avwg GKUz AevK njvg Avi h K_vwU Pzj Lvjvi AvM wRm Kivi K_v wQjv Ii, mUv wRm Kijv ci Pzj Lvjvi K_v ejjb Kb? Avwg GK gyn~Z mgq wbjvg Ui cvwQ, fZi K_viv wfo KiQ ewiq Avmvi Rb, myì-gbvni me K_v| wK gqwUK Gme ejv wK wVK nQ? wbRi Ici wbqY ivLZ cviwQ bv, gb nQ K_vjv gb Avmvi AvM VuvU Gm hvQ| gqwU ZvwKq AvQ eySZ cviwQ| wK wKQz ejev Kx bv wmv wbZ cviwQ bv| nqZv AvgvK Pzc Ki _vKZ `LB I ejjv KB, ejjb bv Zv, Pzj LyjZ ejjb Kb| Avcwb hLb Pzj Lyj nuU hvwQjb, AvcbvK ivRKbvi gZv jvMwQjv| IK Avgvi mwZB ivRKbvi gZv gb nwQjv| Kvbv eve ivRKbv bq, gb nwQjv GB gv icK_vi RMr _K DV GmQ m| Avi GwU Ubi Kvbv KvUgU bq, hb GK Nyg `Zcyix| gqwU ZvwKq AvQ, VuvU g`y-inmgq nvwm| Avgvi gb njv, ivRKbv ejjvg Kb mB evLvUv IK `qv ìKvi| ejjvg QvUejvq icK_v coQb? nuv| GK ivRKbvi K_v gb co, `Ziv hvK Nyg cvwoq iLwQjv, cvqi KvQ mvbvi KvwV Avi gv_vi KvQ icvi KvwV iL, Avi GK ivRcy e Awfhvb kl mB `ZcyixZ Gm mvbvi KvwV gv_vi KvQ Avi icvi KvwV cvqi KvQ wbq Mj ivRKbvi Nyg fO hvq| e`wb ci Nyg fO ivRKbv `LZ cvq Zvi mvgb GK icevb ivRcy| weq-Avb` Awff~Z nq hvq m| mB gyn~Z, mB NygfvOv weq I Avbì fZi ivRKbvwUK Kgb jMwQjv Kbv Ki `LQb KLbv? bv! bv Zv!
Pv Ki `Lyb... AvcbvK wVK mB iKg jvMwQjv| `LZ cvB exw_i PvL Gevi ^civ Gm wfo KiQ| GLb Avi m GB RMZi evwm`v bq, mwZ mwZ hb icK_vi RMr Gm aiv w`qQ ZvK| eY Abyevì AZxZ PvL Avgvi w`K ZvwKq _K `~ivMZ K ej Avcbvi K_v ejvi vBjwU AmvaviY| GwU GKwU KgwcgU| wK b Avgvi gb njv G Avwg Kx KiwQ? Kb cwgKi gZv Ggb wZ iPbv Ki PjwQ Aweivg? Avwg Zv GK `yt^cZvwoZ gvbyl| GB GZw`b ci wKfve mB `yt^ci RMr _K Avgvi gyw NU Mjv? hb Avwg wdi MwQ eviv eQi AvMi mB Rxeb hLb ezì ga Clv RvwMq Zver icmxK wbRi w`K wbq AvmZvg ay PgrKvi me K_v ej| wK Avwg KLbv cwgK nq DVZ cvwiwb| K_v ej wbRB h ^ci RMr iPbv KiZvg, AwPiB Zv fO coZv wbRiB `vl, iwPZ nZv `yt^ci RMr| Avwg KLbv mnR ^vfvweK Rxebi c_ nuvUZ cvwiwb| GKwU mKK cgi w`K Ub wbq hvIqv, `yRb em wdmdvm K_v ejv, UzKUvK ev`vg LZ LZ `vZ Rxebi ^c `Lv Gme Avgvi KvQ nvmKi gb nZv| GZme mvebv _vKvi ciI Kb Avgvi cg nqwb, ZLb eySZ cvwiwb, GLb eywS| m cm bv nq GKUz ci Avwm| Zvi AvM ewj Avwg eivei icKvZi gvbyl nIqv mI Zxe-Zzgyj icmxivI Kb AvgvK euvaZ cviwb| BDwbfvwmwUZ covi mgq GKwU gqi m Avgvi mK AbK`~i GwMqwQjv| gqwU wQjv Amvgvb icmx| Agb ic Avwg Avi KLbv `wLwb| Ii m Avgvi mK Zwi nIqvi Kvbv hwK KviYB wQjv bv| wK Avwg ay K_v w`q IK Rq Ki djwQjvg| Avwg wQjvg K_vi ivRcy| Avi K bv Rvb h, icK_vi ivRKbvì Rq KiZ cvi Kej K_vi ivRcyivB| wK cg nIqvi AvMB GKUv fyj Ki djwQjvg Avwg| IK ejwQjvg Zvgvi gZv GKRb icmx ZiYxi wbivfiY kixi `Lvi Lye mva nq Avgvi| Awekvm njI mwZ gqwU ZvZB ivwR nqwQjv| Kb ivwR nqwQjv Zv wbq Avgvi ga Zwi nqwQjv GK Mfxi ck| KvbviKg mK Zwi nevi AvMB KD Agb GKwU cve ivwR nZ cvi! ZLb Avwg welqwU eywSwb, GLb eywS Ii wQjv Avg~j mgcY, wbRi me^ muc w`q I AvgvK cZ PqwQjv| wbRi kixi `LvbvUvK ZvB Zvi KvQ A^vfvweK gb nqwb| wK Avgvi bv wQjv mgcY, bv wQjv IK cvIqvi Zxe AvKvv| Avwg Kej nvIqvq fm PjwQjvg| Kv_vI ùvovevi mgqB wQjv bv| hvnvK, mwZ mwZ hLb NUbvwU
NUjv, Ii Clr AebZ bhyMj `L Avwg wewZ, AvkvnZ I `ytwLZ nqwQjvg| Avgvi aviYv wQjv ZiYx gqì eyK nq, eBqi fvlvq cxbvbZ| m h Zvi wbRi fviB LvwbKUv AebZ nq hvq, GB Kgbm Avgvi wQjv bv| Avgvi ZLb gb nqwQjv m`hK KLbv wbivfiY Ki `LZ bB, myì Zvi m`h iv Ki inmgqZvq, AveiY I AvfiY|| gqwUK Ifve `Lvi ci Avgvi icZv LvwbKUv KgwQjv| myì KvDK `LjB gb nZv, evBi _K ZvK hZUv myì `LvQ, cvkvK Lyj djj ZZvUv Avi `Lve bv| Avwg ZLb GK wbM~p mZ-Rvbv jvKi PvL gqì w`K ZvKvZvg| wK GB GZw`b ci mB icB Avgvi AMj Lyj w`jv Avevi| GB h Avgvi fZi _K wbqYnxbfve PgrKvi me K_viv mvZi gZv ewiq AvmQ, Zvi KviY meZ gqwUi ic| AbKY K_v ewjwb, exw_I bv| I ZvwKq wQjv evBi| AvR eva nq Puv` IVwb, Zey bi Avjvq ewmvZ ivZ Kx h gvngqx nq DVQ! GgwbZB ivZ Lye Lvivc wRwbm Mfxi ivZi Kvbv GK aibi Rv`ygqZv AvQ, hv gvbyli fZii gvbylwUK ei Ki wbq Avm| Zvi m hw` cKwZi inmgqZv hy nq Zvnj Zv K_vB bB| gvbyl ZLb nq IV AMjgy, AePZbi jywKq _vKv K_vjvI ewiq Avm evavnxbfve| bBj GZ `Z exw_K Gme K_v ejv nq DVZv bv| gqwUI meZ Gevi AMjgy, nqZv ZvB wRm Ki AvcbvK GKUv K_v wRm Kwi? AbygwZ bIqvi ìKvi Kx? hv gb Avm ej djyb| G ch K-Rb gq Avcbvi cg coQ? meZ GKRbI bv| wKsev cojI Avwg Zv RvbZ cvwiwb| wekvm nQ bv| Kb? KD Avcbvi cg cowb, wKsev cojI ejwb G nZB cvi bv| Kb, Avgvi cg KD coeB, coj Zv cKvk KieB Ggb Kvbv K_v AvQ bvwK? mUv Avi Avcbvi eyS KvR bB| Zvi Pq ejyb, Avcwb Kviv cg cowQjb Kx bv! bv| bv! AvR ch Kviv cg cobwb?
bv cwowb| GUvI wekvm Kiv Mjv bv| mwZ Kviv cg cwowb| nqZv Kvbv Kvbv mvebv Zwi nqwQjv wK kl ch Avi nq IVwb| Kb? mwZ RvbZ Pvb? nuv| Kb, Avcbvi wK gb nQ Avwg Kej K_vi wcV K_v ejvi RbB wRm KiwQ? bv, Zv bq| AvR ch Avgvi KvQ G K_vUv KD RvbZ Pvqwb Zv! Avgvi eziv, wKsev hvì m cg nIqvi mvebv wQjv Zviv KD Avgvi KvQ GB evLv Pvqwb h, mvebvgq cgjv Kb bmvr nq MQ| Iiv mevB wbRì gZv GKUv evLv ùvo Kwiq wbqQ| AvcwbB c_g RvbZ PvBjb, ZvB gb njv... bv, Ab wKQz gb nIqvi wKQz bB, Avwg mwZ RvbZ PvBwQ| Zvnj ewj| iex`bv_i GKUv Mvb AvQ AvQ bv eov e`bvi gZv eRQv Zzwg n Avgvi cvY/ gb h Kgb Ki gb gb Zvnv gbB Rvb bQb? nuv, bwQ| Avgvi KvQ cgUv IiKg| Avgvi cvYi ga KvDK e`bvi gZv eR DVZ ne| hvi Rb Avgvi ga K I hYvi Rb ne, hvK bv cvIqvi ksKv A_ev cq nvivbvi fq _vKe, A_ev Kvbv KviY QvovB hvi Rb PvL wfR DVe Rj, eyK fi DVe nvnvKvi, ZvKB Avwg cg ewj| Avb` cg bB, cg bB cvwZ ev DQvm| Acvw Avi Ac~YZvKB Avwg cg ewj| `bw`b Rxebi ZzQvwZZzQ welqjvi Da DV Kviv Rb hw` gnr Kvbv e`bvevai RbB bv njv, ZvK Avwg cg ejev wKfve? Kviv Rb AvR ch Avgvi fZi Ggb e`bvi Rb nqwb ejB Avgvi cg nqwb| Avwg Avb` c~Y nqwQ, cvwZ fi DVwQ, DQvm fm wMqwQ, wK gnvb Kvbv K, Acvw, nvnvKvi Avi e`bvq Avgvi gb P~Y-weP~Y nqwb| gqwU PycPvc Avgvi K_v bwQjv, Avi Avgvi Gme ejZ ci fvjv jvMwQjv| GB K_vjv KLbv KvDK ejv nqwb, ejv nqwb gnr GK e`bvi Rb Avgvi Kx Zygyj cZxv wQjv| exw_ Gevi ejjv wK GgbI Zv nZ
cvi Avcwb Avb`B PqQb, cvwZ fi DVZ PqQb, e`bv-KnvnvKvi Gme PvbBwb| GUv PvIqv bv PvIqvi evcvi bq, ^ZtZfveB nevi K_v| Kviv Dcv ev Aenjvq h Ki Rb nq, Avwg Zvi K_v ejwQ bv| ejwQ wfbZi GK Ki K_v, AKviY PvL-wfR IVv e`bvi K_v| exw_ Avgvi K_v eySjv Kx bv evSv Mjv bv; AwfZv _K Rvwb icmxiv me K_v evS bv, ev eySZ Pvq bv wK Avi Kvbv K_v bv ej evBi ZvKvjv| evBi ZLb fvi bvgQ| w`M, RgvU gN RgQ jvj Qvc, AKvi KU wMq wgw Avjvq fi DVQ cw_ex Avi cKwZi GZme icgq AvqvRbi cwZc nq em AvQ GK inmgqx APbv ZiYx| cKwZi Kvb mwUv h ewk myì Avwg wmv wbq DVZ cvwi bv| AbKY ci exw_ cvq kvbv hvq bv Ggb fwZ ej `LQb? u| nuv, Avwg `LwQ| `LwQ cKwZi icgqx nq IVvi hveZxq AvqvRb, Avi AviK icmxi Zvi cwZc nq IVvi `k| Zzwg Zvi GKwUB `LQ| wbRK `Lwb| wK Gme Avwg IK ewj bv| Ii NviM gMZv `LZ fvjv jvM Avgvi, fvjv jvM c_g m~hi Avjvq exw_K `LZ| AvR ew`b ci Avgvi cw_ex Lye myì nq DVQ, AvR ew`b ci Avgvi Rxeb fvi njv, ew`b ci cw_exi mewKQz fvjv jvMQ Avgvi, eKvj ai Ggb fvjv jvMvi Abyf~wZ _K ewZ nq GmwQ Avwg| AbKY ai exw_i Nvi fvO bv; GgbwK Avgvi w`K GKevi wdiI `L bv| Avwg Kx Kiev eySZ bv ci Ii w`KB wbwYgl ZvwKq _vwK, Avi GKmgq `wL I AvjMvQ, Mvcb, bxie PvL gyQ wbQ| Kb h Ii PvL wfR DVjv, Avgvi Rvbv njv bv| hviv bxie Kuv`, ZvìK Kvbvi KviY wRm KiZ bB, Rvwb| Avwg ZvB IK wKQzB ewj bv| bxie Kvbv cw_exi mePq myì `kjvi GKwU, GB fvi Zv `Lvi mfvM njv Avgvi Avwg ab eva Kijvg| wKQzY ci Ub _vg| Avgiv ciii KvQ _K we`vq wbB Kvbv K_v bv ejB, KD Kviv wVKvbvI RvbZ PvB bv, Kej GK UzKiv nvwm wewbgqB Avgvì GB ce kl nq| Zvici PMvg mvZ w`b KvwUq w`B Dkwenxb Nvivdiv Ki, GgbwK cwiwPZ Kviv m `Lv KiZI BQ Ki bv| Avgvi mg AwZ Ryo _vK
exw_, Avi KD bq, Avi wKQz bq| Zvici Kv nq coj XvKvq wdi Avwm Avwg| mB welY kni, hLvb KD Kviv Avcb nq IV bv KLbv| Avgvi w`b KU hvq AvMi gZvB, cwieZbnxb, GKNqwgZ c~Y| Kej Ui cvB, Avgvi eyKi fZi exw_i Rb APbv-AmsvwqZ GK K, nvnvKvi Avi e`bv Rb wbQ, Rb wbq eo nQ, eo nZ nZ Avgvi mgM cw_ex Qq djQ|
RyjvB, 2003
WvK
nuvUZ nuvUZ _gK ùvovB| KZvw`b ci wcq ezi m nuvUwQ, Zey _gK ùvovZ nq! weq wenj nq ZvwKq _vwK| fyj `LwQ bv Zv fe, Pkgv Lyj KuvP gywQ, PvL gywQ, Zvici Avevi PvL jvwMq ZvKvB| bv, `kwU PvLi fyj bq, GLbv w`we Rxe| cyZzjw`! cyZzjw` GLvb! Ame! wK mB iKg Avjv Sjgj nvwm, `xNj Kvjv Pzj, gvLbi gZv iO, Avi Kx h Kvgj! mB wecyj Mfxi ggZv Rwoq AvQ PvL-gyL, hgbwU Avwg `LwQjvg kkeKkvii PvL Avi `q w`q, wVK Zgb! nVvr Avwbmi wK i wK njv ck b Nvi fvO Avgvi| cyZzjw` gi MQ mB Ke dj Avmv mB my`yi Kkvi; AvR GZw`b ci Kx bv ZviB gZv GKRbK `L PgK DVwQ! Avwbm ck Ki cZxvq AvQ eySZ ci wRm Kwi gqUv K i? Kvb gqUv? Avyj Zzj `LvZ I ej cwj w`| Kvb wWcvUgUi? AvgvìB| AvM KLbv `wLwb Zv! Kvb Bqvi? Avgvì `y-eQii wmwbqi| `LwQm| AvMI `LwQm| nZB cvi bv| AvM `Lj AvRK Ggb PgKvZvg bv| nqZv| ZzB Zv wWcvUgU QoB w`qwQwj| wK cwjw`K `L ZzB Agb PgK DVwj Kb? Avwbmi IB K_vwU AvgvK GKUz bvov w`q hvq| nuv, Avwg QowQjvg ay wWcvUgU bq, meB| gvbyl Ges wk DfqB| GKevi fewQjvg me Qo Pj hvev `~i Kv_vI| wmv_i gZv MnZvMx nevi BQI nqwQjv GK mgq| cvwiwb| me Qo ZvB e`x nqwQjvg wbRiB m wbtm-welY KvivMvi| Avgvi mB KvivMvi Kviv ggZvgq cek NUwb| GKv GKv `xN mgq KvwUqwQ| Zvici GK mgq wbRKB ewiq AvmZ nqQ| KD WvKwb, KD cZxvq _vKwb| Avwbm ck Ki Pzc nq AvQ nqZv Avgvi Dii Acvq| Avwg wKQzB ewj bv, ay AcjK ZvwKq _vwK cwjwì w`K| e cyZzjw`| GKRb
gvbyli m AviKRbi GZUv wgj _vKZ cvi? Avwg wegi ga co hvB| GK wKkviK QzU hZ `wL `yB nvZ evovbv GK ggZvgqx ZiYxi w`K| Avn! AviKevi hw` cviZvg Agb QzU hZ! cyZzjw` wQjv eyeyi evex| mB my`yi Kkvi ZvK cqwQjvg Avwg| ZLbv Mvq Kv`v-gvwU gL mvejvq evwo wdi gvqi eKzwb wb| ZLbv gvQ aivi cej bkvq Rji KvQvKvwQ _vwK mvivw`b| ZLbv gyL _K, kixi _K Kkvii bgZv DwVq bqwb KD| cyZzjw` wK `LwQjv, wK cqwQjv Avgvi fZi? K_vwU Avi Kvbvw`b Rvbv ne bv| Avwg wK Lye gvqvgq wQjvg hgbwU GLbv eyeyiv wZi Rvei KvUZ KvUZ ej? GLbKvi GB gyL `L fveZ K nq ewK! QvUejvi GKUv QweI bB Avgvi KvQ ev Avi Kviv KvQ| wbRK Lye wgwjq `LZ BQ Ki| cyZzjwì m Avgvi AZv fve nqwQjv wKfve Rvwb bv, Rvbvi BQ nq| GLb Avi AZvwKQz gbI co bv| QvUejvi KZvwKQzB Zv fyj MwQ! ay wKQz `k hb GLbv Rxe, hb ac`xB nq MQ! Avi GBme `ki AwaKvskB cyZzjw` cavb Pwi| `xNj Kvjv Pzj gj w`Zv m, ekvLx gNi gZv iO wQjv mB Pyji, wK gyLUv wQjv c~wYgvi Puv`| Avi `y-nvZ evwoq WvKZv czi, Avq, Avq bv, `wL KZv ZvovZvwo AvmZ cvwim Avgvi eowki Uvb nqZv ZLb Uvb coQ, A_ev ej wbq Mvjvcvi KvQvKvwQ, GLb Mj gvQ wKsev Mvj wgm nq hve, Zey MwQ| IB AZvUzKz eqm gvQ wKsev MvjB Zv wQjv Avgvi KvQ gnviZc~Y welq mB mewKQy dj; Avwg Avgvi m~Y cw_ex djB cyZzjwì evovbv nvZi fZi QzU MwQ| KLbv IB WvKK Dcv KiZ cvwiwb Avwg! Avi Kx D wQjv cyZzjwì Kvj! AvgvK Rwoq ai nvwmZ fO coZv Avgvi cz mvbv, Avgvi UybUzwb cvwL, Avgvi gqbv cvwL, wUq cvwL, Avgvi gvwbK... AbKY ch Zvi Av`yi m^vab PjZ _vKZv Avi Avwg Pzc Ki, cvq NvcwU giB ejv hvq, Zvi Avì LZvg| wbRK mwZB cvwLi gZv H AZvUzKz Qv gb nZv| Agb Avì Avi Kv_vI cvBwb Avwg| Agb Ki KD KLbv WvKwb Avi| GLb Avwg wk I gvbyl Qo `yi Pj hvB| KD WvK bv| KD bv| Avwg ZvZ nq _vwK; KD WvKzK, Avwg Avgvi m~Y cw_ex dj QzU hvev| A_P cyZzjw` nvwiq hvevi ci Avi KD WvKjv bv|
nuv, nvwiq wMqwQjv cyZzjw`, Avgvi Rxeb _K| GKw`b nVvr ZvK `LwQjvg gVvc_ ai GKvKx nuU hZ| Agb wegl Avi Kvbvw`b ZvK nZ `wLwb| cyZzjw` nuU hvwQjv hb cw_exi mg e`bv eyK wbq hb Kvbv GK Awbw` Me| AvgvK `Ljv m, wK nvmjv bv, WvKjv bv; Avgvi Kx h Awfgvb nqwQjv! cjKnxb ZvwKq wQjvg hZ`~i cyZzjw` hvq| GK mgq mB ggZvgq nvZ evovjv m, wK gyL WvKjv bv| GKUzY AvM Awfgvb nqwQjv, gbB iBjv bv| mg cw_exK dj, AvKvk evZvm gv_vq wbq ò Mjvg| cyZzjw` cwZw`bi Pq Aviv Rvi AvgvK eyK Pc ai, wK nvm bv, WvK bv, ej bvAvgvi cz mvbv, Avgvi UzbUzwb cvwL...| Avwg AevK nq ZvKvB AvR njv Kx cyZzjwì? `wL, Zvi `yB PvL _K Rj SiQ| cyZzjw` Kuv`Q! AvgviI Kvbv cq hvq| ewj Zzwg Kuv`Qv Kb cyZzjw`? Kvbv K_v bB, ay Kvbv eo hvq Zvi| gmvgkvB giQb, bvwK gvwmgv eKQb? Geviv wKQz ej bv cyZzjw`! nvq, gv-evevi wcUzwb-eKzwb QvovI h cw_exZ GZ ARm Kvbvi KviY AvQ, wKkvi wK RvbZv ZLb? I Avgvi cyZzjw`, ejv bv! cyZyjwì KvQ Avwg Avgvi ejZ wkLwQjvg| m hgb ejZv Avgvi cz mvbv| cyZzjw` Gevi em co| Avgvi gyLUv `yB nvZi ga wbq ej Avwg hw` Pj hvB, ZzB wK Kiwe i cz? AvwgI hvev| Kv_vq? cyZzjw` AevK nq ck Ki| Zzwg hLvb hve| ZzwgB Zv ejQ, weq nj AvgvKI m wbq hve| cyZzjw` AveviI Ku` IV G Ggb hvIqv bq i cvMj| Aviv AbK, AbK `~i Pj hvIqv| AvgvK bv wbq Zzwg AZv`~i hZB cvie bv| Avwg ZvgvK hZB èv bv| wKkvi wK Avi RvbZv ZLb, cw_exi IcviI cw_ex _vK! cwZw`b fvi m `LZv, Zvi gvqvgq Mvgi Icvi _K m~h DV Avm| Lye ewk nj Avi GKwU Mvg, ZviciB Zv w`M iLv, hLvb _K m~h IV, hLvb wMq m~h Wve! wKkvii KvQ mwUB wQjv cw_exi kl mxgvbv, cyZzjw` Zvi Pq `~i Zv Avi hZ cvie bv!
Avgvi K_v b cyZzjwì Kx h nq! Avevi AvgvK Rwoq ai WyKi Ku` IV| cyZjwì Aweivg Kvbv Avgvi fvjv jvM bv| Kvbv ZvK gvbvq bv| z Avwg wVK eywSI bv Kb GZ Kvbv Zvi! ZvwKq `wL, kxZi AvKvk gN KiQ| `L Avgvi Kx h gb Lvivc nq hvq! IB KkviI mvivivZ Avgvi Nyg Avm bv| ciw`b mKvj DVB QzU hvB cyZzjwì evwo| gvqi wbla Dcv Ki| wMq `wL mviv evwo Kuv`Q| cyZzjw` q AvQ DVvb, mv`v Pvì Mvq| mB c_g Avgvi w`w` Avgvi Rb Zvi nvZ evovjv bv| kkvbNvU w`w`K cvovbv njv| eyey ùvwoq wQjv AvgvK wbq; eyeyi PvL Rj| Avi Avwg wKQzZB gvbZ cviwQbv `kUv, ay eyeyK wRm KiwQ I eyey, cyZzjw`K cvovQ Kb? w`wì K nQ bv? c_g w`KUvq Avgvi ck b eyeyi Kvbv eo hvq| GK mgq ej I h gi MQ i fvB| gi Mj AvgvìK hgb Kei w`Z nq, Iì Zgb cvovZ nq| Avwg wKQzB eySjvg bv| mB c_g gZzi m Avgvi cZ cwiPq, Gme wbqg-Kvbybi wKQzB Rvwb bv, ZvB eySjvg bv gijB gvbylK cvove Kb? Kei è Kb? Iì K nq bv eywS! Avi gvbyl gi hv-B ev Kv_vq? eyeyK wRm Kij m ej Avjvi KvQ hvq| Avjv Kv_vq _vK eyey? AvKvk| wei Kwim bv Zv cz, Pzc Ki _vK| eyeyi agK Lq Avwg Pzc Ki hvB| gyL Zzj AvKvki w`K ZvwKq _vwK| AvjvK `Lvi Pv Kwi| jvKwU Kgb evSvi Pv Kwi| cyZzjw` Zv Zvi KvQB MQ! GZwKQz fvwe, wK wKQzZB cyZzjw`K cvovbvi evcviUv gb wbZ cvwi bv| eySZ cvwi bv, cyo QvB nq Avjvi KvQ hvIqv ìKviUv wK? Avi cyoB hw` Mjv, Zvnj AvgvK m be wKfve! cyZzjw` h ejwQjv! GLb mme K_v gb njI K jvM| Kx mij wQjvg! mevi cwZwU K_v Kx Aejxjvq wekvm KiZvg! wK ciiweivax K_vjv wec` dj w`Zv, wnme gjvZ PvBZvg cviZvg bv| mB Kkvi _K AvR ch gjvZ PvIqv wnme Kvbvw`b gjwb Avgvi Rxeb|
cyZzjwì gZzi ci IB Mvgi Avi wKQzB fvjv jvMjv bv Avgvi| wKQzB bv| Kkvi civZ bv civZ XvKvq Gjvg| ZLb eywSwb ci RbwQ, cyZzjwì myMfxi cgK A^xKvi Ki cjvk`v AviKwU gqK wbq XvKv _K Mvg wdiwQjv| cyZzjw` mBZ cviwb| mB me w`b AvR hb nVvr wdi GmQ mg LyuwUbvwU mn| Avwg gM nq AvwQ, cvq bkvq euy` nq _vKvi gZv| GK gyn~Zi RbI fyjZ cviwQbv mB PvL, mB nvwm, `xNj Pzj| Avgvi GB nVvr cwieZb nqZv j KiQ Avwbm| Mfxi ivZ mevB Nywgq hvevi ci Avgiv `y-Rb wmMviU awiq nji eviv`vq ùvovB| mvgb cyKzi, wSiwSi nvIqv g`y XD Zix KiQ ej Puvì Avjv fO fO hvQ| cwiekUv nqZv Avgvì LvwbKUv D`vm Ki `q| Avwg ewj ZzB cwjw`K wPwbm wKfve? cwjw` Zv Avgvi Mvgi gq, kjKzcvq evwo| GLvb Kv_vq _vK? ivKqv nj| wK ZzB nVvr cwjw`K wbq cowj Kb? Mfxi wbZvi ga Avwg Avgvi eyKi nvnvKvi bZ cvB, `~ivMZ K AvwbmK cyZzjwì K_v ejZ _vwK| cyZzjwì m cwjwì Avh wgji K_v ewj| me ejv nq bv| Avwbm Kx evS K Rvb, LvwbKUv welY nq hvq m-I| wK I wK eySe cyZzjw` Avgvi KZvLvwb Ryo AvQ? mw`bi ciI KqKw`b cwjw`K wWcvUgU `wL, wK K_v ejv nq bv| wK ejev? mncvVx njI bv nq K_v ejvi welq _vK wmwbqi GKRbi m nVvr Ki wK welq wbq K_v ejv hvq? Avi ZvQvov H gyLi Av`jwU AvgvK Bgvkbvj Ki Zvj K_v ejZ Mj hw` mB Bgvkb AhvwPZfve cKvk nq co! cwjw` Zv wKQzB Rvb bv| LvgvLv fyj eySe! GZme wnme-wbKk Ki Avwg `~iB _vwK| GiB ga Avgvi ezì gv_vq f~Z Pvc Zviv wWcvUgU mvswZK Abyvb Kie| GB wWcvUgU cvq GKhyM ai Kvbv Abyvb nq bv eziv mB evZ NvPvZ Pvq| wkK I Qv-Qvxì KZ~nj Ges ksKv Av` Avgiv Zv cviev Kxbv! Avgvi eziv wgjy, Avwbm, Kexi, Rxeb, ivby, Rwmg, nvexe mevB wbRì bc_ iL AvgvK mvgb GwMq `q| eySZ cvwi Iiv AvgvK Avevi wdwiq AvbZ PvBQ| bc_ _K IivB me KvR Ki, Kej Abyvbi w`bUvZ cyiv `vwqZ Avgvi| Avgiv w`bevwc Abyvbi
AvqvRb Kwi| wecyj DRbv I cZxv kl wbw` w`b Abyvbi mdj mgvw NUj hb Avgvì mevi ga AembZv bg Avm| ciw`b BDwbfvwmwUZ c~Rvi QywU i nq G hb Aviv wechqKi| KqKw`b DRbv Avi eZvq ek wQjvg GLb GB Adzi Aemi Ub bqvB gykwKj| Avwbm cve `q Pj Nyi Avwm| Kv_vq? AvcvZZ Avgvì evwoZB Pj, ci `Lv hve| Avwg m m ivwR nq hvB| XvKv Qo eivevi myhvM cj Avwg Qvwo bv KLbv| GB kniUv GZ cP MQ, GZ Amn jvM h, gb nq GLvbKvi mewKQz Avgvi Mjv wUc aivi Rb aq AvmQ| Avwbmi m XvKv Qo ewiq Avgvi Kx h fvjv jvM! kjKzcv Aek Avgvi Mvgi gZv bq| GLvb AbK bvMwiK myweav cQ MQ| BjKwUwmwU, dvb BZvw`| Avgvi Mvg Gme wQjv bv| mvi ci Puv` bv _vKj fyZzi AKvi bvgZv| euvkSvo evZvm DVj kuv kuv k Nyg fO hZ| GLvb Ime bB| Zey kjKzcvK Avgvi fvjv jM Mjv| h Kvbv MvgB XvKvi Pq mnmY cvY mb| ZvQvov kjKzcv bvgwUi cQb iqQ GK Amvgvb wKse`x| AvUkv eQi AvM G Aji ivRv wQjb nwiniv, ZuviB Kbv kjevjv| GLvb ZvK Kzwcq gviv nqQ| mB _K kjKzcv| Zvi Aciva m cg KiwQjv| AvUkv eQi AvMi mgvR mB cgK hwÌ Zv ivRKbvi cg gb wbZ cviwb| Aek GB wKse`x fvl GKwU bq GKvwaK| hgb GKRb ejjb kjevjv wQjv Qjbvgqx, Avi Zvi wQjv GKvwaK cg| m h Kvi cwgKv mUv evSv hZ bv| GLbv ch `Leb GB Aji gvbyli ga ck iq MQ kjevjv Kvi cwgKv? Zv, mB RbB Kvbv GK z cwgK ZvK Kzwcq gi djQ| Avevi AviKRb kvbvjb A~Z K_v Avi `~i! GBme dvjZz K_v| H h `LQb b`xUv Kzgvi b` GLvb GKmgq cPzi kj gvQ aiv coZv| GZ gvQ h Mwnbxiv KzU Kzwjq DVZ cviZv bv ej Mniv mjvK Kzwcq mvBR KiZv| mB _K kjKzcv| b Avgvi gRvRUvB Lvivc nq Mjv| ejjvg Avcbvi K_vUv hw` mwZI nq, ZvnjI Zv Avcbvi GUv MnY bv Ki kjevjvi KvwnbxwUB MnY Kiv DwPZ| GZ PgrKvi GKUv wKse`x!
Gi ga Avcwb PgrKvii wK `Ljb! KqK kZvx ai kjevjv G Aji hyeKì ^ci ivRKbv| ZvK Kzwcq gi djvUvK Avcwb PgrKvi ejQb? Avi ZvQvov, AvcwbB ejyb IBiKg icmx GK ivRKbvK Kzwcq gi djv Kvbv gvbyli c me? me bq| wKQzZB bv| wKQzZB ZvK Gfve gi djv hvq bv wZwb DwRZ nq DVjb| Avwg eyS Mjvg kjevjvi IiKg gZz GB f`jvKi c gb bqvB me bq| c_g jvKwUK fyj eySwQjvg GLb gb nQ, Zvi cyivUv Rxeb Ryo AvQ kjevjv| nv, kjevjv, Zzwg Kvi cwgKv? AvUkv eQi ciI Zvi gxgvsmv njv bv! kjevjvi K_v kvbvi ci _K Kgb GKUv ggZv Rb MQ ivRKbvwUi cwZ| bvwK AvwgI cg co hvwQ Zvi? kjevjvi my`xN cwgK ZvwjKvq Ze wK AviKwU bvg hy nZ hvQ! KejB gb nQ kjevjv Avi cyZzjwì Rxeb wK GKBiKg bq? `y-RbB `yUv wfb mgq cgi Rb cvY w`qQ! nVvr gb co Mjv GUvZv cwjwìI Mvg| QzwUZ wK evwo GmQ? kjevjvcyZzjw`-cwjw`| Avn! me wK GK m~ Muv_v? kjKzcvi mewKQz Avgvi fvjv jM hvQ| weKj nj Avwg, Avwbm, nvwee Avi gwbi wMq kkvbNvU em _vwK| kjKzcvi mePq myì RvqMv IB kkvbNvU| Kx kv, mgvwnZ! gb co hvq cZzjw`K cvovbv nqwQjv Ggwb GK kkvb| Ggwb KZv gyL cvo GLvb, Avi KZvRbK cywoq hvq mvivRxebi Rb, K Zvi Lei ivL! kkvbi cvk w`q xYcvq Kzgvi b` eq PjQ| me kkvbi cvkB wK GKwU Ki b`x _vK? Kb? PvLi Pji mx nevi Rb? gwbi Avwbmi vbxq ez AvgviI ez nq MQ `yw`bB, ej Icvi cwjwì evwo| Avwg wK GKevi Kuc DwV? cwjw`K `LZ BQ Ki, wK wK Ki hvB, GLbv Zv cwiPqB nqwb Zvi m! wK GKevi èg mwZB `Lv nq hvq| kjKzcv ZLb c~Rvi Drme gZ DVQ| weKj nZ bv nZB bvbv eqmi bvix-cyil bvbv iO gZ Ni Qo ewiq co| Zgwb GK weKj Avgiv PviRb Kzgvi bì Ici Zwi Kiv weRi Mvovq em Pv LvwQ Avi gqì `LwQ| kjKzcvq Lye GKUv icmx gq bB ejB gb nQ| me ic hb IB GKRbB kjevjv wQwbq wbq Pj MQ wPiw`bi Rb! Avevi `y-PviRb AvQ Lye Zxe icmx, cwjwì gZv! Zgwb GKRbK `L Awff~Zi gZv ZvwKq AvwQ, nVvr Avwbm ej IV GB, cwjw`| cwjw`|
c_gUvq eySZ cvwiwb, `wLIwb| hLb `Ljvg, ZLb Zvi wiKkv Avgvì Qvwoq AbK`~i Pj MQ| Avwg nVvrB me fyj Mjvg| h gqwUi m Rxeb Kvbvw`b K_v ewjwb, jvKRbK mPwKZ Ki ZvKB WK DVjvg cwjw`...| cwjw` wiKkv _KB wdi ZvKvq| nvm| mB nvwm| wK ùvovq bv| Avgvi gbUv GKUz Lvivc nq hvq| cwjw` ùvovjv bv! cyZzjw`K Avwg Kvbvw`b Gfve WvwKwb, Zey m nvZ evwoq ùvwoq _vKZv| cwjw`K WvKjvg, Zey ùvovjv bv| ZzjbvUv gb AvmZ Aviv Lvivc jvMZ jvMjv| Avwg Kvi m Kvi Zzjbv KiwQ! Avgiv wmMviU awiq nuvUZ _vwK| Avgvi nvZ GKi ci GK wmMviU cvo| GK aibi Mfxi D`vmxbZv wNi ai AvgvK| Avgiv Rbej ivv Qo wbRb c_ awi Avi mB wbRbZvi fZi AcZvwkZfve Avevi cwjwì m `Lv nq hvq| Gevi m wiKkv _vwgq Avgvì WvK| ej Ke GmQv? ci| Kw`b _vKe? GB, KqKw`b| KvjK evmvq Gmv bv! Avwg Kej KvjKi Rb cZxv Kwi| Mvgi ivZ `Z Mfxi nq| Avwbmnvwee Nywgq co, wK Avgvi Nyg Avm bv| Rvbvjv Lyj AcjK evBi ZvwKq _vwK| cyZzjwì Mvqi iOi gZv Rvmbv dzU AvQ evBi| `~i, gvVi fZi GKZidv evZvm eq Mj kmjv gv_v byBq Awfev`b Rvbvq hb| wSuwSu cvKvjv AnZzK WK WK nqivb| KZvw`b Avwg Ggb `k `wLwb! PgrKvi Ki `kwUi eYbv wjL djZ Lye BQ Ki| cvwi bv| Avwg evanq Avi Kvbvw`b wjLZ cviev bv| Avwg wK euP AvwQ? RvQbvi ga nvIqvi jyUvcywU `LZ `LZ Avgvi eyK Kuvwcq `xNkvm co| gb co, KvK hb gb co| GZ GKv Kb Avwg! Kb Ggb Mfxi wbtm! nVvr gb nq K hb Kuv`Q| K? kjevjv! kjevjv wK GLbv Ku` eovq? kjKzcvi gvbyl Kb mB Kvbv bZ cvq bv? bvwK Avgvi cyZzjw` Kuv`Q? mB weKji gZv! bvwK cwjw`! bvn| cwjw` Kuvè Kb? Kuv`ZI Zv cvi! gvbyli KZviKg K _vK! KZv KviY h gvbyli PvL wfR IV! GBme bvbviKg fvebv weivgnxb
AvgvK Rvjvq Avi KivwUZ wZbU bvg eveievi Nyiwdi AvNvZ Ki| kjevjv-cyZzjw`-cwjw`| Avn! me wK GK m~ Muv_v? ciw`b mKvj cwjwì evwoZ Mj eySZ cvwi, m ek Lywk nqQ| Zvi PvL gyL Avbì Awfew| GKUz `~i em M Ki cwjw`| Avwg Lye nvjKvfve cyZzjwì K_v ewj| cwjw` wK eySZ cvi? bvbv K_vi duvK Avwbm Avgvi M jLvi cm Zvj| nVvr Ki GB cm AvgvK jvq dj `q, wK eyK Kuvwcq `xNkvm co Avevi| KZvw`b Avwg wjwL bv! Avwg evanq Avi Kvbvw`b wjLZ cviev bv! Avgvi fZii mewKQy gi MQ, b nq MQ| bBj Avwg Avi wjLZ cvwi bv Kb? AvgvK jv cZ `LB nqZv cwjw` nvm| mB GKBiKg nvwm| cyZzjwì gZv| `yRb gvbyli Kx weqKi wgj! wK cyZzjw`K Avwg Avcwb ejZvg bv, m AvgvK Zzwg ejZv bv| Zey Avwg cwjwì PvL ZvwKq gb gb ewj cyZzjw`, Avgvi cyZzjw`| cwjw` wK eySZ cvi? XvKvq wdi kniUvK Avi AZvUv Lvivc jvM bv| GB kni cwjw` AvQ| h kni Agb GKUv gq _vK mB kni Lvivc nZ cvi bv| cwjwì m gvS gvS K_v nq| KLbv KLbv me fyj wPrKvi Ki WK DwV| cwjw` nm ZvKvq, KvQ Avm, wK WvK bv| cyZzjw` WvKZv| GKw`b, wWcvUgU eleiY Abyvb cwjw` jvjcvo mv`v kvwo co, nvZfiv KuvPi Pzwo wbq, ekvLi gNi gZv Kvjv Pzj nvIqvq Dwoq Gj Avwg gb gb ewj Avgvi èx| Avgvi cyZzjw`! GZ Amn myìi mvgb ùvovZ eyK Kuvc, Zey Avwg WvwK| cwjw` KvQ Gj ewj Kvb Kvb GKUv K_v ejev| cyiv AwWqi mvgb Avgvi Aviv KvQ mi Avm cwjw`| Zvi Kvgj Pzj GLb Avgvi PvLgyL AvNvZ KiQ, Zvi Kvb Avgvi VuvUi KvQ| Avi Zvi kixi _K fm AvmQ Lye g`y, A_P bkv-aivbv GK Avh M| GB M Avwg cyZzjwì kixi _K cqwQjvg! Avgvi gv_v wSgwSg Ki IV, PvLi mvgb _K GKi ci GK mi hZ _vK wewZi c`v| `wL AbKvj ai `yUv ggZvgvLv nvZi w`K QyU PjQ GK `yi wKkvi| Avi ZLb BQ Ki Mjv Rwoq ai wPrKvi Ki ewj GZw`b Zzwg Kv_vq wQj! GZKvQ GB Zxe myì, k Kivi Zxe mva nq cvwi bv| cw_exi me myì wK Zvnj wPiKvj AaivB iq hve Avgvi KvQ? cwjw` ùvwoq AvQ, GKUv wKQy ejZ ne| mwZB Zv Avi wekl wKQy ejvi Rb WvwKwb! BQ nqwQjv, WKwQ| mwZ mwZ Ggb KvQ Gm ùvove K-B ev fveZ ciwQjv| Avwg ewj
Avcwb GZ myì Kb? ZvB! Avgvi cki Kvbv Di nqbv eywS| m Kej jvRyK nvm| nuv| GZ myì h mn Kiv KwVb| cwjw` GKUz wKQyY wbj ùvwoq _K axi cvq Pj hvq| wK NUbvUv cki Rb `q AwPiB| cwjw` Zvi ici RbB weLvZ| AbKi PvLB ZvK AbymiY Ki Avi m-B Kx bv AZvjv PvLi mvgb GKUv Rywbqi Qji Mvj Mvj VwKq ùvwoq iBjv GiKg b Pjjv ek wKQyw`b| Zvici Zvi mncvVx ez-evexiv ZvK wUR Kiv i Kijv| AvgvK `LjB IB h Dwb GmQb ej cvZ jvMjv| Avwg meB `LwQjvg, bwQjvg Ges AevK nwQjvg GB fe h, GZ wKQy mI cwjwì Kvbv weKvi bB Kb, GwMq Gm K_v ej Kb, WvKj mvov `q Kb! Avi Gw`K Avgvi fZi cwjw`K `Lvi Zxe mva RM _vK memgq| eziv RvbZ Pvq Kb GZ Uvb Zvi Rb! wK mK Avgvi, Zvi m! Avwg Di w`Z cvwi bv| Avwg wbRB wK Rvwb, m Avgvi Kx nq! wK bvg èv GB mKi! `qv hvq Kvbv bvg? cwjwì K_v `~i _vK, cyZzjwì m Avgvi mKi bvg-B ev wK? m Avgvi Kx wQjv? Iì cki Di èvi Pv bv Ki ZvB nm Gwoq hvB| Avi cZxvq _vwK Zvi cZxv| KLb Avme m! wK ek wKQyw`b ai cwjw` wWcvUgU AvmQ bv| Kb h! Avwg cZxvq _vwK cwZw`b| Zvi `Lv bB| Avgvi cw_ex gvMZ k~b nq hZ _vK| kniUv Avevi welgq gb nZ _vK| KvRb nji cvYe NvmjvK gb nq AvMvQv| Avi axi axi Avgvi kixi Ryo Rxeb cvovbv Ri bvg| Avgvi ZLb KejB gb nq cwjw` Gm GKevi Kcvj nvZ ivLj GB Ri mi hve| wK m Avm bv| Ri mvi GgwbZB| wK Rwm Gm evmv euva| Avgvi mviv cw_ex cvyi nq hvq| Wvvii wbla evBi hvIqv hve bv| wK K kvb Kvi K_v! Avwg cwjwì RbB cwZw`b evBi hvB| hw` nVvr Gm co! hw` `Lv bv nq Avgvi m! Zvici mwZ GKw`b mewKQy Dj Ki Zvi AvMgb NU| `~i _K `wL cwjw` nvmQ| Avgvi cw_ex Avevi c~Y nq IV| NvmjvK nVvr Aviv ewk meyR Avi cvYe gb nq| XvKvi evZvm eyK fi Ub wbq gb nq Ggb we evZvm cw_exi Avi Kv_vI bB! cwjw`K Zvi evexiv wNi ai| Avwg KvOvji gZv ZvwKq _vwK| BQ Ki QyU hvB| gb gb ewj,
GKevi WvKv| ay GKevi| Avwg Avgvi mg cw_ex dj Zvgvi KvQ QyU hvev| cwjw` WvK bv| KvQvKvwQ nZ `wL, cwjwì wmuw_Z wm`yi| weq nq MQ! GKeviI Rvbvjv bv! cyZzjw` ejZv Zvi weq nj AvgvKI m wbq hve| Avi cwjw` RvbvjvI bv! QvUejvq GKevi cyZzjwì KvQ QyU hZ hZ nuvPU Lq co wMq Avgvi nvZ KU i eivwQjv| cyZzjw` QyU Gm Zzj wbqwQjv AvgvK| Avwg nvZi w`K ZvKvZB m ej DVwQjv `L bv, `L bv, wbRi i `LZ bB| wK ZZY Avwg `L djwQ| GZw`b ci Avgvi mB ii iOi K_v gb co| cwjwì wmuw_Uv hb AweKj mB iO AvuKv| nuvUZ nuvUZ cwjw` GKevi Avgvi w`K ZvwKq nvm| Avwg Awfgvb PvL wdwiq wbB| KZvw`b ci Kviv Ici Ggb Awfgvb njv Avgvi! cwjw` evexì m wbq GKUz `~i Nvmi Ici wMq em| Avgvi w`K cQb wdi| Avwg ZvZi gZv Zvi w`K ZvwKq _vwK| wK m wdiI ZvKvq bv| Zvnj wK cwjw` Avgvi KD bq? Avwg Zey gb gb ejZB _vwK GKevi ZvKvI, GKevi WvKv, Avi GKwUevi AvgvK mg wcQyUvb Dcv Ki ggZv Avi fvjvevmvi KvQ QyU hvevi myhvM `vI| cwjw` WvK bv| cyZzjwì ci Avi KD Kvbvw`b AvgvK Agb Ki WvKwb|
GwU GKwU cgi M nq DVZ cviZv

Avgiv eis NUbvwUK GKwU cgi M ic èvi Pv KiZ cvwi| NUbvwU Aek Kvbv M bq, meZ ^cI bq| nqZv mwZB Zv NUwQjv, wK hyeKi KvQ gb nqwQjv G GK fyj Ki `Lv gayi ^c| Avgiv wecixZ mvebvwUKB ev ev` w`wQ Kb GgbI Zv nZ cvi h, NUbvwU ^cB NUwQjv wK hyeK ZvK fyj Ki mwZ ej fewQjv! hvnvK, ^c bv eve mwU Avgvì weeP welq bq| AvcvZZ MwUi eYbv w`Z nj Avgvì gb covi K_v h, ^^ci gZv mB gqwUK `L hyeK ggyi gZv ùvwoqwQjv| gqwUi PvL hb cw_exi mg gvbexi bv-ejv-K_vjv wfo KiwQjv, Avi eYbvZxZ gvayhgvLv nvwm nm hyeKi w`K GwMq Gj Zvi Mxevq RvQbvjv Gm evmv euawQjv| Avi wVK ZLbB `kcU cv hvq| gqwU Gm K kZvxi gvayh Swiq wRm KiKgb AvQb? mB h Mj Avi Zv Gjb bv evmvq? hyeKi gb co, klevi hLb m wMqwQjv IB evmvq, Lye mgvì KiwQjv gqwU| wdi Avmvi mgq nvRvievi wgbwZ KiwQjvAvevi Avmeb| m K_v w`qwQjv, wK hvIqv nq IVwb Avi| GLb m wZ nvm| ZviI cvPxb ivRcyì gZv Mob, FRy kixi, `xN Kuva, ck eyK, Zx PvL| gqwUi gy `w Zvi PvL Govq bv| hyeK Zvi Dk Kiv cki Di bv w`q cvv wRm Ki Zzwg Kgb AvQv? ZzwgI Zv Avmv bv KLbv! Avwg wK Avgvi cki Di cvBwb| GB Avi wK! Avmv nq bv, e _vwK| Bm! Kx Ggb eZv Avcbvi! ay Zv c_ c_ Nyi eovbv| GZ NyiZ cvib Avi Avgvì evmvq AvmZ cvib bv! ZiYxi K Av`yi Awfgvb fi IV| hyeK cxZ eva Ki| ZviB Rb G Awfgvb, fveZ eyK fi hvq| Gevi Zzwg ejv, Kb Avmv bv| hvev bv Zv, Kvbvw`b hvev bv|
Ryb, 1993|
Kvbvw`b bv? bv ZiYxi Awfgvb Mvp nq| hyeKi gyPwK nvwm Gevi cmvwiZ nq VuvU Dj Ki Zvj wVK AvQ| AvwgB bv nq hvev Gevi| ZiYx wbzc| ivM fvOv ivRKbv, ejjvg Zv hvev| gqwUi VuvU jvRyK nvwm wdi Avm, meZ IB m^vabi RbB| mwZ Zv? nuv| gb _vK hb! AvQv| Gevi ejyb Zv, GZ Kvjvnj Zey GKv ùvwoq AvQb Kb? mx cvwQ bv| mx cvQb bv? Zvi K weq| hyeK gv_v bvo| mwZ cvQb bv? Zvi K mgcYi myi| hyeKi nqZv GLb ejv DwPZ mx ne Zzwg gq? wK ivRcyì LvwbKUv AnsKvi Zv _vKB, Zvi ejv nq bv wKQzB| mewKQz ejvi ìKviB ev wK? AbKwKQy Zv ^ZtZfveI NU hvq| GB hgb GLb, Avgiv `wL, Zviv cvkvcvwk nuvUZ i KiQ| weq evwoi Kvjvnj wbRbZv `yjf, wbRbZv LuvRvI wbi_K| Zey Zviv nqZv wbRì ARvB LyuRwQjv Ges K bv Rvb Zxe Avjvi cwicvk hgb Kv_vI bv Kv_vI LvwbK AKvi _vK, Zxe KvjvnjI Zgwb Kv_vI GK UzKiv wbRbZv _vK| Zviv Aekl Zgwb GK inmgq wbRbZvq wMq `vuwoq ciii KvQ Kgb APbv nq IV| gqwUi KvQ hyeKK Kvbv GK `~i AZxZi `~i `ki wekRqx ivRKzgvi ej gb nq| QjwUi KvQ hyeZxK Kvbv GK cvPxb ivRi ivRKbv ej gb nq hvi Rb nvRvi eQi hy KiZ mva RvM| Zviv `y-RbB nqZv GB `~iZ NywPq djZ Pvq, wK wKfve Zv KiZ ne eyS DVZ cvi bv| wKQzY evLvnxb bxieZv| wKQzY UzKUvK Gjvgjv K_v ejvi Pv| hyeKi PvL wKQz LyuR eovq gqwU, Avi hyeK Gjvgjv nZ _vK| wbRK wbRB ck Ki, wKfve m cvi GB inmgqx myìi my`~i bxwjgvK KvQ cvevi mvebv mI `~i `~i _vKZ? m wK Ze cwgK bq? m wK Ze gbyl-`qi ^vfvweK avivK A^xKvi Ki?
Zvi gb co gv euP _vKZ cvqB ejZb Zvi KvQ Avi wKQzB PvB bv, IK Gb `| I Gm Avgvi Ni Dj KiK| gZzi mgqI Zvi IB GKwUB PvIqv wQjv| gvqi BQUv Gevi c~iY KiZB nqfveZB hyeKi VuvU Dj, wbtk, wKwZ jvRyK nvwm dzU IV Avi `kcU Avevi cv hvq| Zvi ivRcvmvì gZv evwo| A_P k~b| Luv Lvu wekvj cvii gZv hb| evwoi G cv _K I cv ch nuU hZ `xNmgq jvM| cwZwU K `yjf Avi g~jevb mvgMx w`q mvRvbv| meB AvQ, ay gvbyl bB| A_P hyeZxi DcwwZZ `y-w`bB fi IV me| Zvi nvwmZ gN wPo we`yr PgKvq Avi hyeK `vL cw_exi mKj Avuavi hb KU Mjv GK gyn~Z| Zvi b~cyii k hb GB RwUj kniI Sibvi KjZvb awb WK Avb; Zvi Pzwoi wigwSg k b hyeKi gb nq Ggb Q` eywS bB cw_exi k KweZvqI, Ggb myi eywS GgbwK weUvdbI evRvbwb KLbv; Zvi PvL ZvwKq hyeK `L wbZ cvi mgyì Mfxi Zj`k ch Kvi mvwa, Ggb PvLi Dcgv `q? hyeKi Rxeb hvcb e`j hvq| `xNw`bi Awbqg Kivi wbqg cv hvq| Menxb, w`KwPnxb nq Nyi eovbv nq bv Avi| Ze wK me cq MQ m, hv LyuR eovZv cwZ gynZ? GKRb ggZvgqx wK cvBq w`Z cvi Rxebi me `yjf ~ PvIqv? ^ci gZv Zvì w`b KU hvq| mKvj Zvi Nyg fvO hyeZxi gayi WvK, wSgvbv `ycyi Zvi Kjnvm, Kv weKj Zvi ggZvgqx mvwba, welY mvq mvivRxeb hv Zvi gb Lvivc Kwiq w`qQ Zvi m GB hvwK bMiI GK nvIqv eBq `q| Avi ivZ hb GK Af~Zc~e AwfZv| GZ gay hyeZxi fZi, hyeKi bkv jM hvq hb| hyeZxi Kvw bB, hyeKiI| Zey ivZ Mwoq hLb fvii Avjv dzUZ i Ki, ZLb LvwbKUv Aemb jvM| mKvj gqwUi Nyg fvO AvM, Ni mo, mKvji bvv Zwi Ki, Mvmj Ki nq| Zvici hyeKi Nyg fvOvZ Avm| Mfxi Avjm ZLbv Rwoq _vK Zvi kixi Ryo| WvK bI Zvi Nyg fvO bv| Kvbi KvQ ZLb gay Si GvB, IVv bv, Avgvi GKv jvM bv eywS? Zey Zvi Nyg fvO bv| gqwU ZLb `yzwg Ki Avqbv w`q Zvi PvL m~hi Avjvi cwZdjb dj| PvL gj hyeK `vL, ejv nq MQ| `kcU Gevi mwZB cvvq|
Zvi QvU GK wPjZ Ni KvbviKg gv_v MuvRvi GKUv eev| GKUv PwK, GKUv Uwej Avi Qovbv eBc nuvUvi RvqMvI bB| mKvj nZ bv nZ cyegyLx GKgv Rvbvjv w`q iv` Gm Zvi PvL co| cwZw`b m fve RvbvjvwU e Ki kve| gb _vK bv| ZvQvov, `g AvUKvbv gvU Zwi nq| m Aek GLb wei nevi e`j eis m~hK abev` w`Q Nyg fvOvbvi Rb| bBj Awdm `wi nq hZ| QvULvU Kivwbì KZviKg mgmv| eo mvneQvU mvne mevB ay agKvq| nVvrB Zvi ivZi ^cwUi K_v gb co| nZ cvi NUbvwU mwZB NUwQjv wK hyeKi KvQ Zv GLb ^ci ghv`v cq hvQ| wK `xN, my ^c! Zvi VuvU g`y nvwm dvU| hvK, Zey fvjv ^c m civwRZ nqwb| Zvi GKgv bkveB cov| KZvevi Zvi gb nqQ, Zvi RxebUv hw` Dcbvmi mdj bvqKì gZv nZv! AZ ^c Zv Zv nqQ! Zvi PvL-gyL ZvB Zwi myL Ljv Ki| MZivZ weq evwoZ `Lv gqwUK gb co Zvi| KZvKvj AvM ZvK `LwQjv m, AvRI fyjZ cviwb| `~i mKi AvZxq gqwU, KZv `~ii m wVK Rvb bv| wK gb co gv euP _vKZ cvqB ejZbAvnv, IiKg GKUv gq hw` eD nq AvmZv Avgvi Ni! Ame ^c gv RvbZb c~iY nevi gZv bq| Kej `xNkvm nvwiq hvevi gZv ^c ZvK K `LZ ejwQjv K Rvb! m GKeviB gqwUi evmvq wMqwQjv gvqi gZ msev` w`Z| mymwZ Wwqs ig mykvwfZ gvbyljvi Kjnvmi fZi m egvbvbfve emwQjv| gvqi gZyUv Zvì KvQ Kvbv NUbvB wQjv bv| KD GKUz mnvbyfw~ ZI Rvbvqwb ZvK, gqwU GKevi wdiI ZvKvqwb Zvi w`K| MZivZI gqwU Zvi w`K GwMq GmwQjv, m meZ evexiv wQjv| Ze Gm wRm Kiwb Kgb AvQb ejwQjv zwcWi gZv c_i gvSLvb ùvwoq AvQb Kb? m mi ùvovZ Iiv nvmvnvwm KiZ KiZ, GK Acii Mvq coZ coZ, hvIqvi mgq jvKUvi cvkvK Kx bvsiv, Kx wewQwi `yM wQt ejZ ejZ Pj wMqwQjv| wK Zvi Kgb hb Nvi jM wMqwQjv | Zvici wKQzB gb bB m wKQz LqwQjv Kx bv, KLb wdi GmQ, wKQzB bv| Zvi GKUv `xNkvm co| wK ìKvi wQjv ILvb hvIqvi? m Zv wbRi Aevb RvbZvB, Zey Kb Mjv m? ci gyn~ZB Zvi gb nq fvjvB nqQ, bBj Ggb PgrKvi GKwU ^c `Lv nZv bv! eve Zv ^cc~iY nevi bq,
^cB bv nq njv! evev wQjb Rxeb hvcb e_ GK gvbyl| ^ eZbi PvKwi KiZb, UvbvUvwb Ki msmvi PvjvZb Avi eB coZb (Kx AyZ kL, msmvi Pj bv, eB coQb!) Avi ^c `LZb, Zvi Qj GKUv wKQz ne! gvbyl bvwK wbRK euvwPq ivLZ Pvq Zvi mvbi ga w`q| evevK G mdj ejZ ne, mI evevi Uy-Kwc| e_ Avi civwRZ| evevi fvM fvjv Qji e_Zv ZuvK `L hZ nqwb| gvKI fvMeZxB ejZ ne h gqK cyeay evbvevi mva wQjv, m Zuvi gZzmsev` GZUzKz wePwjZ ne bv GB mZ gv RvbZb bv| hyeK Zvi Mvj nvZ eyjvq| LuvPv LuvPv `vwo RgQ, Kvgvbv ìKvi| Avi Kx-Bev ne Gme Ki! fvOb aiQ kixi| Pvqvj fO hvQ, PvL KvUivMZ, Pzj coQ `Z| m Zvi Rvgv Kvcoi w`K ZvKvq| mwZB bvsiv nqQ| cwivi Kiv ìKvi| Kx ne cwivi Ki ci gyn~Z m fve `y-w`bB me AvMi gZv| Zvi `yUv gv cvU, `yUv kvU, chvqg coZ nq| UvDb mvwfmi e_ gvbyli Mv`vMvw` wfo, Nvg, wPrKviPPuvgwPZ, Kvii m mvgvb cqmv wbq SMovq, Awdm Aenjvq-agK Avi mviv Rxebi cengvb e_Zvq Zvi gbUvB Zv wPiKvji Rb gi MQ| Gme Ki Avi Kx ne! K-Uv evRjv K Rvb! nvZ NwoUv `xNw`b ai b nq co AvQ mvivbv nq bv| `xNKvj m GKB iKg Rxeb hvcb KiQ| cwieZbnxb hb GK wei Ro c`v_ m| mgq hb wi nq AvQ, Nwo mvwiqB ev wK ne? m vb nvm| ejv njv, Gevi eivZ nq fe m AZtci Zvi GK wPjZ Nii fZi, gv_v VKvbv Qvì wbP DV ùvovq|
è t NUbvwU GKwU cgi Mi ic wbZ cviZv Avgiv ^xKvi KiwQ| cv-cvxI wQjv| wK Zviv ivRKzgvi-ivRKbv| ivRivRovì Rxeb hvcb, Kx cvmv`, Kx eeZ wRwbmc, Kx msjvci m Avgvì jLK GKeviB cwiwPZ bb dj H Rxeb eYbv KiZ wMq nvmduvm KiZ KiZ Aekl wZwb wbRiB GK wPjZ Ni wdi GmQb| Rvbyqvwi, 1998|
Nbvqgvb mv A_ev eR IVvi M

AbKw`b ci nVvr Zvi dvb cjvg| AcZvwkZ| Zvi dvb Avme, wKsev m wbRB, mRb GKmgq cZxv Ki _vKZvg| GLb Avi _vwK bv| eyS MwQ GB Acv A_nxb| AbKw`b ci ZvB AcZvwkZ dvbwU cq fvjv jvMjv Avgvi, gbUv fi DVjv| GKevi nvjv ej Icvk m, eySZ ci BQKZfveB wKQyY Pzc _K Ii Ki evKzjZv bjvg Kvb cZ| I nqZv feQ jvBbUv KUB MQ, ZvB nvjv nvjv ejB PjQ! GKUzY ci mvov w`jvg Avwg, Ii ^wi wbtkvm bjvg ZLb| c_g nvjvZB wPbZ ciwQ Zey wRm Kijvg K? Avwg| AvwgUv K? Avwg| Avcbvi Mvbi cvwL| Avcbvi kUv eyK wMq jvMjv| IK Avwg Mvbi cvwL ej WvKZvg, PgrKvi Mvb Mvq ej, wK KLbv Avgvi Mvbi cvwL ewjwb| I wbRB K_vwU ej djjv| fyj| fyj, Amveavb ej djQ hwÌ GZUv Amveavb gq m bq| GZUv Zv bqB, ejv hvq, GKUzI bq| eis GKUz ewk gvvq mveavbx I mPZb| GZ mveavbx GKRbi GB gayi fyjUzKz ZvB fvjv jvMjv Avgvi| Avwg A myLx nB, AB fvjv jvM Avgvi| I| Kgb AvQv wRm Kijvg Avwg| wK Kzkj wewbgqi avi-KvQ Mjv bv m| wRm Kijv hb GB K_vwU wRm Kivi RbB dvb KiQ, Ggbfve AbKw`b Gw`K Avmbwb Avcwb, Kb? Kb hvev? cvq ejB djwQjvg| wK mvgj wbjvg| K_vUvi ga Awfgvb gkvbv AvQ mUv Avwg cKvk KiZ PvB bv| hvi KvQ Avgvi Awfgvbi Kvbv g~j bB, Zvi KvQ mUv cKvk KivUv wbQK evKvwg| wK njv? AvgvK Pzc Ki _vKZ `LB nqZv wRm Kijv I| wK? wKQy ejQb bv h! wK ejev?
Gw`K Avmb bv Kb, mUvB ejb| Ggwb| GgwbZB Avmv nq bv| bv, GgwbZB bq| mywbw` KviY AvQ Ii KvQ bv hvevi| evcviUv GB iKg Avgiv `yRb GKB Awdmi `yUv wfb wWcvUgU KvR Kwi| GKwU weLvZ Ges eomo cvBfU cwZvb GwU| GB Pv-Zjv febi AvU-Zjv Ryo Avgvì Awdm, ZviB mvZ-Zjvq Avwg ewm, Avi m Pvi-Zjvq| cPzi mnKgx Avgvì| mevi m fvjv Ki cwiPqI bB| Ii mI Kzkj wewbgqi mKUzKzB wQjv ay| wK I Avgvi PvL cowQjv AbK AvMB| GKUv Abyvb Ii AyZ gv`KZvgq K Mvb b GKevi Lye gy nqwQjvg| hviv MvBZ cvi, ZvìK memgq my`~i bi gZv gb nq Avgvi| QvUejvq Avgvi wkx nevi Lye mva wQjv, nZ cvwiwb ejB nqZv wkxìK Ggb `~ii gb nq| Zv, Avwg h gy nqwQ mUv KLbv cKvk Kwiwb| GLvb Avwg Ii wmwbqi| eqmI, c`ghv`vqI| wmwbqiì AbK evcvi gBbUBb Ki PjZ nq, BQ KijB Zviv gyZv cKvk KiZ cvi bv| Aek ay h Mvbi KviYB IK PvL cowQjv, Zv bq I `LZI Lye icmx, mUvI GKUv KviY| hUvK Avwg mdU weDwU ewj, I nQ ZvB| gqì m`h `yaibi AZ Avgvi ZvB gb nq| GKUv AvMwmf weDwU Lye mnRB hvìK PvL co, `LjB cvIqvi mva RvM hZUv bv Rxebmx wnme, ZviPq ewk khvmx wnme cq Mj dzwiq hvq| AviKUv njv mdU weDwU| GìK fvjv jvM axi axi, fvjv jvMvUv `xNvqx nq, cvIqvi AvM fvjvevmZ BQ Ki, cq MjI dzwiq hvq bv ggZv w`q, cg w`q eyK Ki ivLZ BQ Ki| Avgvi wZxqwUB cQ`| IK ZvB fvjv jMwQjv Avgvi| wK m K_v Zv Avi WK wbq ejv hvq bv, Avgvì mKUv ZvB Kzkj wewbgq chB wQjv| wK GKw`b, Kvbv GK Aemi gyn~Z, Kx KviY gb bB I GmwQjv Avgvi KvQ| Avgvi KvQ Ii Kvbv KvR bB, KvR _vK bv| Zey Kb GmwQjv? IiI wK Kvbv Mvcb fvjvjvMv wQjv Avgvi cwZ? mw`b Avwg K_vi Suvwc Lyj emwQjvg| GgwbZ Avwg Kg K_v ewj, ^jcfvlx wnme Avgvi mybvg AvQ, wK Ii m Kb h GZ K_v ejwQjvg Zv wbRI Rvwb bv| IBw`b hvK ej wUDwbs Avgvì ga Zv nq Mjv| Avwevi Kijvg Ii m Kvbv wnme-wbKk QvovB K_v ejZ fvjv jvMQ Avgvi| hb IK me K_v ejv hvq, hb I AbKw`bi Avcb| ZviI wbqB Gi KvQvKvwQ wKQy GKUv gb nqwQjv bBj Avgvi
Rb GZUv mgq m w`Zv bv| Gici _K Avwg Ii wWcvUgU hZvg, m-I AvmZv mywbw` Kvbv KvR QvovB| wK wKQyw`b ci `Lv Mjv m Avi AvmQ bv Avgvi KvQ; ZviI wKQyw`b ci `Lv Mjv Avwg ILvb Mj m Avgvi mvgb coZ PvBQ bv, cojI mnRfve K_v ejQ bv| Avgvi m`n njv, gb njv I AvgvK GovZ PvBQ| GKw`b wRmI Kijvg| m ejjv GUv kvbvi Rb Avwg GKeviB cZ wQjvg bv GB Awdm Avcbvi AbK mybvg| ay ZvB bq, QvU-eo mevB AvcbvK Lye imc Ki| mevi m^B wKQy bv wKQy KgcBb kvbv hvq, Kej Avcbvi m^B mUv bB| mevB GKevK Avcbvi cksmv Ki| Avwg PvB bv Avgvi KviY Avcbvi mB mybvg zY nvK| Avwg hv evSvi eyS wbjvg| Avgvì GB hvIqv Avmv, K_v ejv, wKsev mnR mKUvK KD KD mnRfve wbQ bv| wK AvgvK mUv KD ejQ bv, ejeI bv| G Awdm h Avgvi Lye mybvg, mUv AvwgI Rvwb| Avgvi m^ KD wKQy ejvi AvM `kevi fe be| ZvB, K_v hv kvbvi ZvKB bZ nQ| wKsev cKvk KD wKQy bv ejjI Bkviv-BwZ eywSq w`Q| wKsev Gi KvbvUvB nqZv NUwb GLbv m wbR _KB fe wbqQ, fwelZ Ggb wKQy GKUv NUZ cvi| kli mvebvwUKB mwZ ej gb njv Avgvi| I Lye icmx Zv, icmxiv Gme welq Lye mPZb nq| cvq Kkvi _KB ZvìK bvbv mgmvi gyLvgywL nZ nq h! Zviv Kviv m K_v ejjB mevB ai bq GLvb wKQy GKUv evcvi AvQ| mveavb ZvìK ZvB nZB nq| mveavb nZ nZ Zviv Avi mnRfve wKQy fveZB cvi bv, RwUj me wP vfvebvq Avv nq co| bBj Avgvì mKUv Zv mnRB wQjv, m Ggb RwUj Ki djjv Kb? hvnvK, mw`bi ci _K Avwg Avi KLbv Zvi KvQ hvBwb, m-I Avmwb| AvM hvIqv-Avmv QvovI dvb gvS gvS K_v nZv, AbKw`b ai mUvI e| `Lv njI GLb K_v ejZ Lye Kzv eva Kwi| bvbv iKg RwUj wPv Avgvi gaI XyK MQ| Rvwb, icmx gqiv bvbiKg RwUjZvq fvM| Rxeb GZv AmsLevi ZvìK cgi cve divZ nq h, GKmgq Zviv AvZsK fyMZ _vK GB eywS ZvìK KD cg wbe`b Ki emjv! Avgvi mÎ Ii GgbwU gb nqwQjv Kx bv, fe Avwg Kzvq vb nq hvB| Avgvi Kvbv AvPiY wK Ggb wKQy wQjv? Avwg Avmj Ii KvQ wK PqwQjvg? cg? Avgvi gyZv wQjv, Zvi cKvkI wQjv, Ii m K_v ejZ fvjv jvMZv Avgvi, Ii m Lye DcfvM KiZvg, Avgvi mgqjv fvjv
KvUZv Avi Avwg IUzKzB PqwQjvg| Gi ewk wKQy bq| Ifve PjZ _vKj Avgvì ga cg njI nZ cviZv nqZv, wK h mgq I K_vjv ejwQjv ZLb ch Ggb Kvbv wKQy wQjv bv| Zey m nVvr Ki Ggb mKQ` NUvjv Kb, evSv gykwKj| Avwg ZvB BQ KiB IK Gwoq Pwj, `Lv nj g`y nvwm wewbgq Qvov Avi wKQy nq bv| `xNw`b Ggb Pjvi ci nVvr Ki m dvb Kijv Kb, K Rvb! Zv-I GB Aejvq| Awdmi mgq cvi nqQ Nv `yqK AvMB| Avgvi wcIb, `vivqvb Avi Avwg Qvov Awdm meZ Avi KD bB| Avwg memgqB `wi Ki evmvq wdwi| Lye h KvR _vK Zv bq| Zey Awdm-AvIqvi kl nevi ci Avgvi eivZ BQ Ki bv| Aemb kixi Gwjq PzcPvc em _vwK KLbv, KLbv eB-UB cwo, KLbv KwDUvi Mg wbq co _vwK| Aek mePq ewk Kwi Ab GKwU KvR| Avgvi igi Rvbvjvi c`v mwiq w`j GK wPjZ AvKvk `Lv hvq; Avwg PzcPvc AvKvk `wL, weKji Rb I gZz `wL, mvi bg Avmv `wL| GmewKQyi ga AvR Zvi dvb| Icvk cki fwZ Acgvb m, Gcvk Avwg ckUv Gwoq hvevi Pvq iZ| I GKUv ck KiQ, Avwg Gwoq hvevi Rb GKUv Di w`qwQ, wK m mUv gvbZ ivwR njv bv| ejjv Gwoq hveb bv, Kb Avi Avmb bv, ejZ ne| m Rvb, Kb hvB bv| Zey G ck Kivi A_ wK? G Kvb aibi nuqvwj? Avwg Pzc KiB iBjvg| m Avevi wRm Kijv wK njv, ejeb bv? Avgvi eyK nVvr Awfgvb fi DVjv| wbRK mvgjvZ cvijvg bv, ejjvg GB Zv fvjv AvwQ| PzcPvc AvwQ, GKvwK AvwQ| GK KvY wbRb dzU AvwQ wbtk Si covi Rb| G K_vUvi gvb wK? Kvb K_vUvi? GB h ejjb wbRb dzU AvwQ wbtk Si covi Rb! GB cw_exUvK GKUv evMvb ej fvev, Avi gvbyljvK fvev mB evMvbi dzj wnme| KZv aibi dzj dzU AvQ GB cw_ex bvgi evMvbwUZ! KD KD m~hgyLxi gZv| memgq m~hi w`K gyL Ki _vK, Avjv I DjZvi w`K ZvwKq _vK| G nQ mB aibi gvbyl hviv memgq A_LvwZ-gZvi w`K gyL Ki _vK| Lye eomo dzj m~hgyLx, AbK `~i _K PvL co, wK mifnxb| KD ZvìK Pvq bv| AvR ch Avwg KvDK
ejZ wbwb, m~hgyLx Zvi wcq dzj| fe `vLv, GZUv PvL covi gZv nqI Kx `yfvM Zvi KD ZvK Pvq bv! Avevi wKQy gvbyl Mvjvci gZv| myì, AvKlYxq, mifgq| Ggb KD bB h Mvjvci ic gy nq bv| wK ZvK wQuo Avbj `Z wKq hvq, mif nvwiq hvq| KD KD iRbxMvi gZv| , myì, mifgq| Mvjvci Pq Zvì mif AbK `xNvqx| Mvjvci KuywoK wQuo Avbj m Avi dvU bv, wK iRbxMv gvwU _K wewQb nevi ciI dvU| wbRK mevP weKwkZ Kivi AvM Zvi gZz nq bv| Zzwg nQv iRbxMvi gZv| AvQ ejxdzjI| dvUvi AvMB mif h mevBK mPwKZ Ki Zvj| AvQ iRev wKsev K`g dzjI myì, AvKlYxq wK mifnxb| GBfve bvbv aibi dzji m bvbv aibi gvbyli Zzjbv Ki wbZ cviv Zzwg| wK GZme weLvZ dzji K_v fveZ fveZ wbqB Kvbv Nvmdzji K_v Zvgvi gb coe bv! A_P evMvb NvmdzjI Zv _vK! wbRb GKvKx dzU _vK KD ZvK `L bv, KD Zvi Lei bq bv, wcq dzj ej KD Zvi bvg bq bv eis Aenjvq gvwoq hvq, wKsev GKw`b wbtk Si hvq| m Si Mj Zvi Rb Kviv gb Lvivc nq bv, KD Zvi Rb Kuv` bv| Avwg nwQ mB Nvmdzji gZv wbtk Si hvevi Rb dzU AvwQ| AbK K_v ej djjvg| Ii m K_v ejZ MjB Avgvi K_vi Suvwc Lyj hvq| wK Icvk Kvbv mvovk bB Kb? dvb iL w`jv bvwK? bv, jvBb KU hvevi k Zv kvbv hvQbv! Avwg Ii bvg ai ggZv fi WvKjvg, I mvov w`jv nuv| Ii K wK fRv kvbvjv? Pzc Ki AvQv Kb? Avcwb Avgvi gb Lvivc Kwiq w`Qb Kb? GgwbZB Avgvi gb fvjv bB| gb fvjv bB! Kb? Rvwb bv, Kb! Rvbv bv! G Kgb K_v! Kb, Avcbvi Ggb nq bv KLbv? Kvbv KviY QvovB gb Lvivc nq _vK bv KLbv? nuv, nq Zv! GKKw`b mKvj DVB gb nq AvR Avwg Kv_vI hvevbv, Kvbv `vwqZ cvjb Kiev bv, ki bvMwiKì m Kvbv KvUwm gBbUBb Kiev bv| gb nq h Rxeb Avwg hvcb KiwQ, Zv Avwg wbR eQ wbBwb, G
Rxeb wbqwZ-wbavwiZ, Avgvi Ici Pvwcq `qv nqQ| Gme gb nj gb Lvivc nq hvq Avgvi, ARvbv Kviv Ici cP Awfgvb eyK fi IV| cwZw`b mKvj DV Avwg mf Kwi, ZLb gb nq AvR Avwg mf Kiev bv; cwZw`b Avwg -myì cvkvK cwo IBw`b gb nq AvR Avwg gwjb _vKev, LuyRcZ ZvB cyibv gqjv cvU-kvU cwo| GgwbZ cwZw`b Avwg Avmv-hvIqvi c_ gNi m K_v ewj, cvwL I MvQi m K_v ewj IBw`b gb nq, AvR Avwg AvKvki w`K ZvKvev bv, cvwLì WvK Kvb Gj `yB Kvb AvOyj èv, Avwg AvR Kvbv dzj `Lev bv, cvZvì wdmwdmvwb b _gK ùvovev bv, Kvbv wki w`K ZvwKq Avkvq-Avb` eyK fwiq Zzjev bv, icK_vi ivRKbvì gZv Kvbv icmx ZiYx `L weq ej DVev bv evn, Kx myì! nuv, GKKwU w`b Avm Ggb... Avwg Aweivg K_v ej hvwQ, wK Icvk Avevi wbtkZv, PzcPvc| Pzc _vKviB K_v| Icvk KD bB Zv! Icvk KD _vK bv KLbv| I GLvb Avm bv Avi, dvb Ki bv, `Lv nj wRm Ki bv Kb Avi hvB bv Avwg! hb Avgvi bv hvIqv, bv dvb Kiv, bv K_v ejvq I euP MQ| G Avgvi wbRi m wbRiB Ljv, wbRi m wbRi K_v ejv! Avwg GKvB dvb Zzj K_v ej hvB, Icvk KD ai bv KLbv, KD mvov `q bv| Avwg Av Ki dvbUv bvwgq ivLjvg| gbUv Avevi Lvivc nq MQ| evBi ZLb mv bvgQ| GB kniI h mv bvg mUv evSvi Rb mvZ-Zjvi Rvbvjv w`q ZvKvZ nq! weKjB Rj `qv wU jvBUjv G kni _K mvi Nbvqgvb AKviK Ko wbqQ| A_P kl weKji AyZ Kgjv iOi Avjv `LZ fvjv jvM Avgvi, weKji gZz `LZ fvjv jvM, mvi AvMgb Avi Nbvqgvb AKvi `LZ fvjv jvM| Avwg ZvB mvZ-Zjvi Rvbvjv Lyj evBi ZvwKq _vwK hwÌ Acivi GB mgqjvZ Avgvi gb Lvivc nq hvq, Aviv ewk welY nq hvB, KejB gZi K_v gb nq! Kb h GZ z gZi K_v gb nq AvRKvj, eywS bv| eqm nQ evanq| eqm nq hvQ! z evBi AKvi Nb nq DVQ, Avi Avwg em em gZzi K_v fvewQ| wK gZzi K_v fveZ fvjv jvMQ bv| eis Zvi K_v fvev hvK| wK KiQ m GLb? Awdm _K KZvY AvM wdiQ? GLb wK mvivw`bi Kvw So nq IVvi cwZ wbQ? Avqbvi mvgb ùvwoq PvL _K gyQ wbQ KvRj? GKevi IK Avwg ejwQjvg Zvgvi PvL nQ KvRj civi PvL, KvRj civ bv Kb? Gme K_v wK cwgKi gZv kvbvZv Ii KvQ? Zviciw`bB I KvRj
ci GmwQjv| Ges Zviciw`b| ZviI ciw`b| GLbv wK ci? AbKw`b `Lv nqwb| A_P IK cwZgyn~Z `LZ BQ Ki| Kb h Avgvi mg cw_ex Ryo Zvi AwZ Ggb Zxefve Qwoq cojv, Kb h Avgvi fvebvi RMr Ryo GKwU gv bvgB Ggb vqx nq DVjv! A_P Avgvi Rxeb Zvi mkixi DcwwZi KYvgv bB| gvS gvS gb nq, Avgvi RbB Avgvi ez AvjdW LvKb Zvi mB KweZvwU wjLwQjv
m Kv_vI bB, m Kv_vI _vK bv Ggb weg civwRZ nZ Zvi KvQ hvB, m hb wcq wcqZg klv, gv, cg, mvabv, wbweo h AvZZvqx Qvqv AvgviB cvk cvk wewj Ki mnR Rxebi gvqv...
Avi wKQzB wQjv bv nvivevi

Awdm _K ewiq hwÌ Kvw I Aemv` kixi I gb fi _vK, Avi AbKvj PzcPvc q _vKZ BQ Ki Zey evmvq wdiZ fvjv jvM bv| hvIqvi Kvbv RvqMv bB ej Avi GB wekvj Sjgj knii Kv_vI Zvi Rb Kvbv Avbw`Z NUbv NUQ bv ej Aekl evmvqB wdi AvmZ nq Ges wdi gb Lvivc nq _vK `xN mgqi Rb| Aemv` Zxe nq Aviv, Kvw nq Aviv Mfxi| evmvq wdi Kivi bB wKQz, mgq KvUZ Pvq bv KvbvfveB| G evmvi m`m msLv A| eov fvB-fvex, Zvì AvU eQii evPv Avexi, KvRi gq cvij Avi m mvKyj GB cuvPRb| fvBqi m K_vevZv cvq nqB bv ejZ Mj| GK aibi `~iZ iqQ `yRbi ga QvUejv _KB, `yRbB Pvcv ^fvei| fvex evmvi KvR e, A_ev fvBqi mevq, wK evPvi cwiPhvq, wK wUwf `Lvq| Aek K_vevZv hUzKz IB fvexi mB, UzKUvK M^, gvS-ga BqvwK-`yzwgI| mKUv wgk aibi| wmbgv-bvUKi gZv `v-Kzgov hgb bq, Zgb ZzB-ZvKvwi ezZI bq| fvex fvjv-g` wgwjq gvUvgywU BwZevPK gvbylB, mB A_ Zvi cQìI| m wbRI IiKg fvjv-g` gkvbv| AbKw`b m fvB-fvexi m wQjv bv BDwbfvwmwUZ covi mgq cvq cuvP eQi nj _KQ| nj Qo evmvq IVvi mgq msKvP wQjv| GZw`b ci nVvr fvB-fvexi mvRvbv-MvQvbv wQgQvg msmvi wbRK DUKv Svgjvi gZv jvMwQjv| dj K_vUv ZvK cvoZ nqwQjv Gfve nj Zv QvoZ ne fvex, Kv_vq IVv hvq ejZv! evPjiì Zv KD evmv fvov w`Z Pvq bv| fvex inmgq nm ejwQjv GLbB evmv LyuRQv bvwK? Zzwg Lye AyZ Zv! jvK bj eje wK? Avi GLbB evmv LuvRvi wK gvb njv? PvKwievKwi cjI bv nq K_v wQjv! Zvnj _vKevUv Kv_vq? _vKe Kv_vq gvb? GLvb _vKe|
Avwg mB mnR Rxebi gvqvq euy` nq _vwK hwÌ m mewKQyKB eov RwUj Ki ZzjQ! Rvwb GB euy` nq _vKv, GB Acv meB wbj, A_nxb| Rvwb, envjv mevi nvZ evR bv Kviv Kviv nvZ evR| gvbylI ZgbB| mevi KvQ evR bv, Kviv Kviv KvQ evR| Avwg IK evRvZ cvwiwb| Avgvi Ag AvOyj Ii ZxZ KvbviKg myi ev SsKvi ZzjZ cviwb| m nqZv AvgvK evRvZ cviZv, evRvqwb, evRvZ Pvqwb| A_P AvRKvj Lye gb nq Avwg Ii KvQ eR IVvi Rb Zxefve Acv Ki AvwQ|
Avei, 2003|
Zvi ZLb GKUz jvB jvMjv| m Zv Avmj fvexi KvQ _K GB K_vwUB bZ PqwQjv| wK eov bMfve aiv co Mjv m| Gfve Avw`LZv bv `LvjI PjZv| evmvq IVvi mgmv Zv wgUjv, wK c_g KqKw`b gvwbq wbZ mgmv njv Lye| nj _K AfvmUvB Lvivc nq MQ| nji RxebUv Lye AyZ hviv mB Rxebhvcb Kiwb Zviv eySeB bv| KwZcq mfvMevb ZiY-ZiYxi RxebB GB Af~Zc~e AwfZv nq| GK AyZ wbqg-Kvbybnxb, evav-ebnxb, gy, ^vaxb Rxeb| cvwievwiK wbqY I kvmbi Mw wQuo wbRi wbqY eyS bqv Qjgqiv Zey Aeva ^vaxbZvi Aceenvi Ki bv| AZ m Kiwb| ig divi Zvov wQjv bv, wbw` mgq euvav wQjv bv KvbvwKQzi, Zey m KLbv Lye ewk Awbqg Kiwb| nqZv UzKUvK BQ hgb ivZ wZbUi mgq Pv LZ PvbLuvicyj Pj hvIqv c~iY KiZv| mUv eov K_v bq, eov K_vwU nQ wbRK gy gb nZv| Avi ZvQvov, me KvRB GK ev GKvwaK mx RyU hvIqvI Zv Kg K_v bq| nji Rxeb me mgqB cvY-cvPzhc~Y| cwievi-cwiRb _K `~i Gm njevmx Qjiv GK Acii AvcbRb I wbKUvZxq nq IV| mI Imei Ask wQjv| mgq KvUvbvUv ZLb Kvbv mgmv wQjv bv, Kvbv bv Kvbvfve KU hZvB| m eiveiB covkvbvi gbvhvMx, mB A_ wKQz mgq KvUZv covkvbvq, evwKUv KvW Lj, wK Nyi ewoq, wK Avv w`q| evmvqI gvS gvS Avmv nZv, wK gv-i gZzi ci _K evmvi cwZ Uvb Zgb bB| Avmj, m h evmv Qo nj wMq DVwQjv Zv GB gv-i gZzi RbB| wKQzZB mn nwQjv bv gv-i AbycwwZ| Zvici cuvP eQi nj KU Mjv| nj Qvovi ci c_g c_g evmvq wZb-PviUv e Kjvcwmej MU Zvi ga KvivMvi e`x Avmvwgi Abyf~wZ Gb w`Zv| GLbv gvS-ga `q| `g AvUK Avm, nuvmduvm jvM, wK Kie fe cvq bv| GB KvivMvi mgq KvU bv Zvi, mgq KvU bv| eov fvB-fvex Lye wbqgvbyeZx| `k-Uvi ga Lq`q GMviv-Uvi ga Nyg| ZLb evmvUv GK`g wbSzg| Kej ivbvNi _K cviji UzKUvK KvRi k cvIqv hvq, ZvI Lye ewk nj eviv-Uv ch| Zvici GKevi mybmvb bxieZv| A_P Zvi Nyg Avm bv| ew`bi cyivbv Afvm ivZ RM covkvbv Kiv| QvRxeb, mevB Nywgq coj m coZ emZv, ZLb hZUv gb emZv covq, Ab mgq Zvi wQUduvUvI bq| m ZvB Acv Ki _vKZv IB wbSzg ivZi| ay wK covkvbv, wbRK wbq GKUz fvev, wbRb GKUz Mvb
kvbv me IB Mfxi ivZB RgZv ewk! ivZ RvMZv ej Kvbvw`b m mKvji KvmUv wVKgZv aiZ cviwb `wi nZvB| A_P GLb `vLv, AwbevhfveB wVKVvK mgq Awdm cuQZ nq GK wgwbUI `wi nq bv| PvKwi eov Lvivc wRwbm gvbylK fZi _K QvU Ki `q| cwZw`b emi agKi fq, KvRi Pvc, Ubkb, wmbwmqvwiwUi cyivi wnme cksmvnxb evowZ `vwqZ, GKwU w`bi AwaKvsk mgq Ggb GKwU KvRi Rb mg gav eq Kiv hvi wewbgq wbRi Kvbv cvw bB GmewKQzB Avmj QvU nq hvIqv| gvS gvS Qo w`Z BQ Ki| wK Dcvq bB| GB Zvi Rxeb| Qvcvlv, AvcvmKvgx| mvivRxeb m KejB mevi KvQ fvjv nZ PqQ| QvUejv _KB `yzwg Ki gv-evevK ewZe Ki Zvjwb, zj wbqwgZ cov wkL MQ, mevB wgj hLb eìvwM gvvii eZ LqQ m ZLb GKv euP MQ cov kLvi KviY mncvVxì mnhvx bv nIqvq mevB ZvK eqKU KiQ| me RvqMvqB m wQjv Lye fvjv Qj evmvq, zj| GKUz eov nqI cvovi mgeqmx Qjiv hLb Mwji gvo Avv gvi, iziU Pv Lq wej bv w`q ewiq Avm, eBgjvq wMq eB Pzwi Ki Avevi SMov evavq, gqì LvgvLv Rvwjq gvi m ZLb eBc wbq gv_v wbPz Ki hvQ wUPvii evmvq cvBfU coZ| cvQ jvK Lvivc ej, GRb KLbv gv_v DuPz Ki ZvKvZv bv ch| BDwbfvwmwUZ covi mgqI Zvi Rxebhvcb wQjv wbZvB wbixn| Zzgyj Avvq bB, Abyvb bB, SMovSvuwUZ bB, aygv gv_v uR covkvbv, ezì AZc~e Kv-KviLvbvq PvL eov eov Ki ZvwKq _vKv, AavcKì Avì~ mn, mncvVxì we`c-Vvvq Zvi mgq KU MQ| nj _vKZ iggU I Abì m ^vfvweKfveB GKUz NwbZv RbwQjv meviB Rb| wK ZvK wVK ezZ ejv hvq bv| m Zv `LQ Zvi mncvVxì ga hviv ciii ez wQjv Zviv M-Avvq KZv w`bivZ KvwUq w`qQ! Kx h GZ M KiZv Zviv, Kx h GZ K_v Rg _vKZv ciii Rb gvS-ga fe m AevK nq hZ| A_P Zvi KLbv Zgb Kvbv AskMnY wQjv bv Kv_vI| Kvbv K_v Rg wQjv bv Kviv Rb| mwZB wK wQjv bv? eivei m NUgvb NUbvmg~n _K gyL wdwiq _vKZ PqQ; e`bv _K, K I Kvw _K `~i mi _vKZ PqQ| Zey wK _vKv MQ Mv euvwPq? KZv e`bvZ gyn~Z GmQ Zvi Rxeb; KZv Aenjv, we`c, K mn KiZ nqQ ZvK hgb cwZwU gvbylKB KiZ nq Zvi wK Kvbv wnme-wbKk AvQ? A_P mme kqvi Kivi gZv gvbylI m LyuR cvqwb Kvbvw`b| GKv, wbeve, cgnxb, wbtm
Rxeb Zvi| hveZxq K_v Zvi wbRi mB IB Mfxi ivZ| GKv GKv wnmewbKk Ki m KLbv KLbv| QvUejv _K fvjv Qj wnme cwiwPwZ; cwZfv-gav Gme Lye ewk bv _vKjI Pvi Rvi eivei fvjv iRv, wkKì mn-fvjevmv, mncvVxì Clv GmeB Zv Rxebi LvZvq BwZevPK hvM| GLb Pj hvIqvi gZv GUv PvKwiI cvIqv Mjv| GKRb Qvcvlv mvaviY gvbyl Rxeb Gi Pq ewk Avi wK Pvq? Zvi Avi wK-B ev PvIqvi wQjv! nqZv ZviI GKw`b msmvi ne, fvM fvjv nj GKUv jxKvgvBwRs-myìx gq Zvi eD ne, mvb ne, PvKwiZ cgvkb ne, Zvi eqm ne| GB Zv! Zvici GKw`b Pj hvIqv| GB Zv! Rxeb Zv GiKgB Gi Pq ewk Avi wK NUvi AvQ! Zey Kvbv Kvbv gvSivZ Zvi PvL wfR IV| gb nq, Aviv wKQz hb cvIqvi wQjv, wK hb cvIqv nqwb| wK cvIqvi wQjv? wK cvIqv nqwb? gvSivZ eov AyZ wRwbm Lye Gjvgjv Ki `q mewKQz bBj Zvi Ggb gb ne Kb? m mwZB Rvb bv, eySZ cvi bv, Avi Kx cZ cviZv m| Rvb bv ej Aviv K nq; mgq hb k_ nq Avm| Nyg Avm bv, mgqI KvU bv Kx h KKi GKKUv ivZ! KZviKgfve gvbyl mgq KvUvq wUwf `vL, eB co, Avv `q Zvi Gjvi KvbvUvB bB| eievi GKB iwUb mKvj ejvq Awdm, mvejvq evmv| hvIqvi Kvbv RvqMv bB, Kvbv kL bB, bkv bB| evmvq wdi mevB Nygvbvi AvM ch mgqUv cavbZ Avexii m KvwUq, mevB Nywgq coj AvKvk-cvZvj fvevfvwe| GB Zvi Rxeb! fvex gvSga G wbq K_v ej Gfve Zv Zzwg Amy nq coe| Zvgvi Kvbv ez bB? Iì evmvq AvmZ ejv, bBj Zzwg eovZ hvI| Gfve GKUv Bqvs Qji mgq KvU? eB cov bv, wUwf `Lv bv, Zvgvi Zv Kvbv nweI bB| AvQ Zv fvex| AvQ! I nuv fvex nvm A~Z nwe! wK IZ Zv Avi mgq KvU bv! AyZ nwe! nqZv| Zey IUvB Zvi GKgv nwe| Zvi GKUv cgvY mvBRi gvwUi evsK AvQ| mB evsK m bZzb UvKv Rgvq| bZzb UvKv A_ev Kqb| evsK cuvPkv UvKvi bZzb bvU _K i Ki wmwK Avaywj me AvQ| ew`b ai RgvQ m| AbK UvKv njv eva nq| cwigvYUv Aek eov K_v bq, evcviUv AbKLvwbB bkvi gZv| bZzb KoKo UvKv Zv me mgq Avm bv| Gj eov hZ, Mfxi ggZvq m Gb fuvR Ki evsK dj| gvS-ga
fvexI KwUweDU KiZ Pvq| bZzb UvKv Gj wbq Gm ej GB h Zvgvi m`| ivLv| m ivL bv| ivLjI wewbgq mgvb UvKv diZ `q| gvSga AvexiI Avm Kvz GB h bZzb UvKv m wbq wb diZ `q| H evsK Zvi wbR^| GKevi GKv| mLvb m Ab Kviv AskMnY Pvq bv| fvex gvS-ga G wbq nvmvnvwm Ki Ggb kLi K_v Rxeb Kvbvw`b wbwb| Zzwg cvivI! evcviUv wbq nvmvnvwm Zvi GK`g cQ` bq| gvbyli KZviKg kL _vK| KD v Rgvq, KD eB ev KvmU Kvj Ki, eojvKiv AvwUKm ev cBwUsm msMn Ki Gi KvbvUvB hw` `vli bv nq, Zvnj Zvi nweUvB ay nvmvnvwmi welq ne Kb? m KcY bq, mqi Rb m GUv Ki bv| cwZ gvm eZb cqB m ``vim LiP Ki fvBfvex, Avexii Rb GUv-IUv Kb, msmvii LiP `q| AZGe KvcYi Acev` ZvK Ìqv hvq bv| wbQK kLi ekB m gvwUi evsK bZzb bvU Rgvq| Mfxi ggZv I fvjvevmvq| G wbq Avmj Zvi GKUv Mvcb cwiKbv AvQ| m bQ evmi ivZ bvwK eDK wKQz bv wKQz Dcnvi w`Z nq; m GB evsKwU Dcnvi w`q eje Y `vLv| Kvbv gq wbqB evmi ivZ Ggb Awfbe Dcnvii K_v fve bv! GUv cq mB APbv gqwU weq Kx-iKg Awff~Z nq hve fe Zvi jvB jvM| ggyi gZv m ZLb evsKUvi w`K ZvwKq _vK| wK Gfve Avi KZvUzKzB ev mgq KvU? ARMii gZv GKUv ivZ co _vK Zvi mvgb wKQzB Kiv nq bv| Zvi gbUvB Kej Lvivc nq hvq| m wK axi axi Kv nq coQ? gvS gvS BQ Ki GB MZvbyMwZK iwUbi evBi ewZgx wKQz Ki djZ| wK nq, GKw`b Awdm _K ewiq Avi evmvq bv wdij? wK IB chB; evmvq bv wdij m hveUv Kv_vq GB wP vB ZvK wdwiq Avb| wK GKw`b w`bUv wQjv GKUz AbiKg m mwZ mwZ Awdm kl evmvi c_ bv ai Abw`K nuvUv `q| mvivw`bB gv_vUv wSgwSg KiwQjv `ycyii ci mUv eo Mjv| gvBMb m eySZ cvi| mvq hLb m Awdm _K eivjv, ZLb ek Zxe e_v| gvBMbi K m mn KiZ cvi bv| GZ Zxe ev_v! Avjv, k wKQz mn nq bv| cw_exi myìZg `kwUKI exfrm ej gb nq| mePq wcq LveviwU LjI ewg nq hvq| Avi Lye Amnvq jvM| m mw`b evmvq bv wdi dvb Ki ej w`jv wdiZ `wi ne|
Zvici cvK wMq q iBjv wKQzY| GKv GKv nuvUjv wKQzY wgUv ivWi wbRbZv wNi| m evmvq wdijv ivZ evivUvi w`K| fvB-fvex h_vixwZ Nywgq coQ| cvij ìRv Lyj w`j m mvRv wMq q cojv| GZ Lvivc jvMQ h KvcoPvciI LyjZ BQ KiQ bv| Zvi GLb Kvbv cvQ| Zvi Kb GZ K? Kb G iKg GKwU `ytmn ivM ZvK enb KiZ nQ? hYvq QUdU KiZ KiZ m fvewQjv| wKQzY ci cviji K kvbv Mjv fvBqv, fvZ Lveb bv? Uwej XK iL Zzwg q cov| Avwg ci Lq bev| Avi Kvbv K_v bB| Zvi e_vUv eva nq mxgv Qvwoq hve, gv_vUv wQuo coe| wKQzY ci Avevi cviji K Avcbvi wK kixi Lvivc fvBqv? nuv cvij| gv_ve_v| Zzwg RM AvQv Kb, q cov| wK wKQzY ci evSv Mjv, cvij kvqwb| fvBqv, Pv evwbq `B? Lj fvjv jvMe| bv, jvMe bv| Zzwg q coQv bv Kb? Avgvi Rb RM _vKZ ne bv| wK cvij evanq AvRK K_v be bv| Avi Rvwjq gvie| ìRvq ùvwoq eKeK Kie| wKQzY ci h_vixwZ Avevi cvij gv_vq cvwb Xj èv fvBqv? bv jvMe bv| Gevi I Ni Gjv gv_v wUc `B, fvBqv? Avcwb Kgb QUQU KiQb! m Ui cjv, cviji Mjv Kuc hvQ Avi Zvi PvL wfR DVQ| GB iKg Ki mgq ggZvgq GKwU ki Acv Zvi ew`bi| ZvB ej Zv Avi cvijK AbygwZ Ìqv hvq bv! m eis mPZbfveB GKUv `yiZ eRvq ivL cviji m| mvg KvRi gqi m MnKZvi KzKxwZi Kvwnbx Zv KZvB kvbv hvq! cvij ay mvgB bq, myìxI| Avi GZ cwicvwU _vK me mgq Ges GZ fvlvq K_v ej h, KD KD IK G evmviB gq ej fyj Ki| AZGe KvbviKg wi bIqv DwPZ bq| m Zv fvjv Qj! Gme mvebv _K h_vme wbRK `~i ivLvi Kkj wnmeB m cviZc cviji m K_v ej bv| G RbB gv_v wUc Ìqvi mvnm mq KiZ GZUv mgq jMQ Ii| wK Ii Mjvq IB ggZvgq DrKv Zvi PvL wfwRq Zvj| gb nq cw_exZ m eov GKv, KD bB Zvi Amnvq gyn~Z m
Ìqvi Rb| m Gevi DV em| g`y nm ej bv cvij, jvMe bv| Zgb wKQz nqwb| Zvici ev_ig wMq nvZ-gyL ayq LZ em| ewg nq hvIqvi fq Lye GKUv LZ cvi bv| cvijK Vvq ùvwoq _vKZ `L Zzwg q cov, NygvjB Avgvi ev_v mi hve ej m ig wdi hvq| Ui cvq cvij Nygvqwb; Zvi ìRvq Ii Qvqv| Zvi e_v eo PjQ cP hYvi Nvi Wye hZ hZ GB ggZvgq gqwUi cwZ KZZvq Zvi PvL wfR IV Avevi| mvnLvb cii K_v| Awdm _K wdi m `L evmvi cwiwwZ ek DRbvc~Y| wK KviY? KviY cvij `ycyi `vKvb hvIqvi K_v ej ewiq Avi wdi Avmwb| nvwiq Mjv bv Zv? bv nvivqwb fvex ej cvwjqQ| cvwjqQ! nuv, Avgvi `yUv kvwo, Zvgvi fvBqi wZbUv kvU, Avexii Ljbv, Aviv KZv Kx h bB! Zvi wekvm nZ PvBjv bv| Aek wekvm bv nIqvi cQb hywmZ Kvbv KviY wQjv bv, Zey NUbvwUK Awekvm ej gb nwQjv Zvi| ivZi LvIqv kl fvex hLb wbRB Pv evwbq wbq Gjv Zvi Rb, m ejjv fvex Avgvi gvwUi evsKUv cvIqv hvQ bv| cvij evanq IUvI wbq MQ| ejZ ejZ Zvi VuvU weg~p-evLvZxZ GKUzKiv nvwm dzU DVwQjv|
Avei, 1999
GwU Kvbv icK_v bq

mv`vgvUv mvgvb GKRb gvbyl nVvr Ki èZvi Avkxev` A_ev Awfkvc cq Mj Zvi Rxebhvcb h cwieZbi avv jvM ZvK gvUvgywU wechq ejB gb nZ cvi Ges NUbvwU Kvwnbx nq jvKi gyL gyL wdiZ cvi, wKsev Kvbv jLKi nvZ co Zv icvwqZ nZ cvi MI| Avgiv cyiv NUbvwUK icK_vi XOB eYbv KiZ cvwi, KviY, welqwU icK_vi gZvB ivgvKi| Avmyb Zvnj wcq cvVK, Avgiv IB mvgvb jvKwUi Amvgvb icK_v wb GK `k GK jvK wQjv (jvK ejj Kgb eq eq kvbvq, eqm m hyeKB, wK nvefve, AvPvi-AvPiY m eq jvKi gZv GKv I Mxi| Zey GB Mi Rb hyeK kwUB gvbvbmB ne ej Avgiv IUvB eenvi Kiev]| Zv hyeKwU eq jvKi gZvB wbtm I Mxi, GKv GKv mvivY Kx hb fve, gvS gvS Avevi gyPwK GKUz nvmI, KLbv ev Nii ga Aweivg cvqPvwi Ki, Avi GKv GKv K_v ej| GK wPjZ GK Kvgivq Zvi wbR^ cw_ex, Avi mB cw_exi m GKK mgvU| `LZ bZ Avnvgwi MvQi wKQz bv njI GKevi Dcv Kivi gZvI bq m| Aek wbRi Pnviv-myiZ m^ Zvi fvebv mvgvbB; Pzjjv eo eo Nvoi KvQ coj gb co AbKw`b Pzj KvUv nqwb, gvS gvSB LuvPv LuvPv `vwo-Muvd wbq nuU eovq, Kvco-Pvcii K_v bv nq ev`B _vKjv| Avi Gmei w`K bRi `qvi mgq Kv_vq Zvi, m Kej Kx hb fveQ mvivY| Kx hb! hb GK avbgM Fwl m, KvbvwKQzB Zvi avb fvOvZ cvie bv| fxlY PzcPvc Avi kv ej jvKRb KLbv KLbv ZvK evev ej fyj Ki| Awdm eo mvnei AKviY agK, mnKgxì we`c-VvvqI m AwePj, cwZwqvnxb| KD Zvi m gk bv, we`c Qvov cvq K_vB ej bv, wcqbiI eZb evo wK Zvi evo bv Zey m wbweKvi| (icK_vi cvcvxiv PzjKvUvi K_v fve Kx bv ev PvKwi-evKwi Ki Kx bv, Gme Aevi ck mZKviYB cvVKiv Zzjeb bv ej Avkv KiwQ, KviY GwU nQ icK_vi Av`j GKwU mZ NUbv, cvVKiv Zv wbqB eySZ cviQb!) Awdm _K wdi GK `xN Mvmj `q m| hb me Mvwb Avi jv ayqgyQ dje| Zvici wKQz Lq wbq Nyg| mvq Nygvq ej Awbevhfve gaivZ Nyg fO hvq, Avi m Zvi GK wPjZ Kvgivq GKgv Rvbvjvq Vvq
ùvwoq _vK Kx hb `L m| Kx `L? KLbv RvQbvq PivPi fm hvq, KLbv ewZ; Avi hyeKi PvL AKviY wfR IV| eov GKv jvM| Kb Avwg Ggb GKv? m fve| Avevi Kvbv Kvbv mvq Nyg Avm bv ej m ewiq co| GKv GKv `xNc_ nuU hvq, hb cw_exi m mKnxb, Ggbfve| Pvicvki Kvjvnj hb kB Ki bv ZvK| m Zv avbgM Fwl, K Zvi avb fvOve? AvZxq-^Rb, ez-eve bB Zvi| hv-I ev wQjv, mevB Zvi evcvi Avkv Qo w`qQ| Ke h mevi wnmvei LvZv _K Zvi bvg KvUv coQ, KD Zv gb ivLwb| Gme Aek Zvi wKQz hvq Avm bv| kv-wbicè-NUbvwenxb Rxeb Zvi| wbRi GK wPjZ cw_exi GKK mgvU| hyeKwU m^ Avi wKQz ejvi AvQ ej gb nq bv| Rxeb Zvi fvjvB PjwQjv| NUbvwenxb, cw_exi m cvq mKwenxb, kv, wbicè| wK kvw wcqZv Ckii cQì welq bq| Zvi KvQ ZvB cvVvbv njv A èZvK| GB èZvK wbq bvbviKg weZK AvQ| KD KD ejb wZwb ay Svgjv cvKvb, Avevi Kviv Kviv gZ Zuvi KvRKg gvbyli KjvYi Rb wbew`Z| hv nvK, G weZK AvcvZZ Avgvì wekl Drmvn bB| Avgiv GLb hyeKi M ejwQ| Zv, èZv ejjb In hyeK, Zzwg eov wgqgvY| Zvgvi Rxeb eoB wbi, NUbvwenxb| G iKg Rxebi Kvbv gvb nq bv eySQ? èZv GKUz _vgZB hyeK ejjv hwÌ m Lye kv I PzcPvc, Zey èZvi m K_v ejvi myhvM Zv Avi mnR cvIqv hvq bv, ZvB Gevi Avi Pzc Ki _vKjv bv Zzwg Zv A, Zzwg ay Avgvi evBii RxebwUi K_vB Rvbv, Avgvi fZi h cwZwbqZ eq Pj So, Zzwg Zv `L bv? Avgvi AwiZv, Avgvi Kvw, Avgvi wecbZv Zvgvi PvL co bv? wK èZv ay AB wQjb bv, wQjb ewaiI| ZvB hyeKi Kvbv K_vB Zvi KYMvPi njv bv| wZwb GKBfve ejv i Kijb Avwg Zvgvi Rxeb cv èv| Ggb GK Rxeb cve Zzwg, hv KLbv KbvI Kiwb| ZLb eySZ cvie Cki KZv wbcyY wkx! Avi Kvbv K_v ejvi myhvM bv w`q èZv AwnZ njb Avi hyeK co Mjv fvebvq| fveZ fveZB Nywgq cojv| Nyg fvOjv gaivZ| AevK nq m `Ljv Zvi fvOvPviv gwjb Nii ga GK AwZ icmx RvwZgqx ZiYx ùvwoq| m nZevK| GKevi fvejv m eywS ^c `LQ| Mvq wPgwU KU `Ljv bv, RMB AvQ| fxlY AevK nq m wRm Kijv
Zzwg K? wewbgq gqwU g`y nvmjv ay| wK KvK hb AjwKK GK Kî fm Gjv I nQ AwPbcyii ivRKbv| PgK DV hyeK wRm Kijv K K_v ejQv? mUv Zvgvi bv RvbjI Pje| Zzwg eis Ab wKQz RvbZ PvI| wVK AvQ, Zzwg ejv, ivRKbviv Zv icK_vq _vK, Avgvi Ni Gjv Kx Ki? Avwg me cvwi hyeK| AwPbcyi _K GB ivRKbvK GbwQ Zvgvi Rxeb e`j `qvi Rb| wK Avwg Zv Avgvi Rxeb e`jvZ PvBwb| Zvgvi PvIqv bv PvIqvq wKQz hvq Avm bv| I, eySwQ| Zzwg nQv Cki| GKgv Ckii KvRKgB me AweePKi gZv| cknxb AvbyMZ Zvgvi GB ^QvPvwiZv AvgvK gvbZ ne, bv? Avwg gvbev bv| Zzwg evKv, Zzwg wbeva| Avgvi wmv Kviv bv gb Dcvq bB| ZvQvov GUvB A èZvi AZ gvPbi kl myhvM| gvb? h èZvK Zvgiv A ej Rvbv, m Zv AvM A wQjv bv| GB ivRKbvi ici `ywZ ZvK A Ki w`qQ| mwZ K_v ejZ wK, IK hvivB `vL ZvivB A nq hvq| fxlY AevK nq hyeK ejjv KB, Avwg Zv A njvg bv| ne, ZzwgI ne| GLbv Zzwg Zvi ici `ywZ `Lwb| `LjB A nq hve| bv bv, Avwg A nZ PvB bv| fvjv Ki fe ejv hyeK, Avgvi gb nq Zvgvi A nq hvIqvB fvjv| bv bv, Avwg A nZ PvB bv| ek| Avwg ZvgvK wPi`w w`jvg| Zv A èZvi K_v wK hb ejwQj? nuv, ejwQ| m ay AB bq, ewaiI| GB ivRKbvi Kî b m ewai nq MQ| m wK!
nuv, ZzwgI bj eySe G iKg Kî cw_exZ wZxqwU mw nqwb| GB Kî kvbvi hvMZv Zvi wQjv bv, ZvgviI bB, ZzwgI ewai nq hve| bv bv, Avwg ewai nZ PvB bv| fvjv Ki fe ejv hyeK, Avgvi gb nq Zvgvi ewai nq hvIqvB fvjv| bv bv, Avwg ewai nZ PvB bv| ek| Avwg ZvgvK wPi-keYkw w`jvg| Gevi kvbv| GB ivRKbv Nywgq AvQ| Zzwg hw` ZvK RvMvZ cviv, ZvK cve, mB m Zvgvi Rb _vKe Amvgvb cyivi| Zzwg Avgvi KvQ hv PvBe, Avwg Lywk nq Zvi mnmY ZvgvK èv, m A èZvi AZ gyQe bv, ewaiZv NyPe bv| Avi hw` bv cviv Zvnj m Avevi `Le-be Avi Zzwg nvive ^vfvweK Rxebhvcbi AwaKvi| Ze mveavb hyeK, Gi AvMI ivRKbvi Nyg KD fvOvZ cviwb| K_v wQjv mnm ew hw` e_ nq Zvi Nyg fvOvZ, Ze Avwg A èZvi `w Avi keYkw wdwiq èv| Zzwg nQv mnmZg ew, GUvB kl myhvM| wK G iKg KwVb GKUv KvRi Rb AvgvKB Kb eQ wbj Cki! Avwg Lye mvaviY GKRb gvbyl, `LZ bZ fvjv bB, Rxebhvcb vb Avi e_, Rxeb KD Avgvi mx njv bv... wbRi m^ GZ eYbv èvi Kvbv cqvRb bB| Avwg me Rvwb| Gi AvM me aibi gvbylK w`q Pv Kiv nqQ| Aekl ZvgvKB eQ bqv nqQ| G nQ Avgvi KiY-Kkj, mUv wbq ck Kivi AwaKvi ZvgvK `qv nqwb gvbe mvb| AvwgB mw Kwi me, AvwgB iL w`B mvaviYi ga AmvaviYZi mvebv| Avi wKQz RvbZ PvI Zzwg? Zzwg Zv me cviv, BQ KijB cviv ivRKbvi Nyg fvOvZ, èZvi AZ NyPvZ, Ze Kb gvbylK Gi ga Ub AvbQv? LvgvLv gvbyljvK Ggb K w`Qv Kb? Zzwg eo AvRevR ck KiQv hyeK| Gi AvM KD Gme ck Kivi mvnm cvqwb, Zviv e wQjv ivRKbvi ic`kb Avi Zzwg e Avgvi KiY Kkj wbq| Gme cki Di w`Z cQ` Kwi bv Avwg, Zey Zzwg mvaviY RxebhvcbKvix gvbyl ejB ejwQ| Zzwg wkx bI, nj eySZ, KLbv KLbv wkxi wkKg Zvi mvi fvebvi PqI AbK AbK ewk myì nq IV| wkx wbRB weq Awff~Z nq ZvwKq _vK Zvi mwi w`K| GB ivRKbvK
mwi mgq Avwg fvwewb h, m GZ myì ne! wK mwi ci Avgvi Avi wKQzB Kivi iBjv bv, Avwg Clvw^Z nq DVjvg cw_exi gvbyli cwZ| Iiv cve GB ivRKbvK GUv fveZB Clvq Rj DVjvg| i njv Avgvi Ljv| wK Gme p Z wbq Avi Kvbv ck Kiv bv| ivRKbvK Avwg Nyg cvwoq iLwQ, Pv Kiv Zvi Nyg fvOvZ| Avwg Avevi Avmev, nqZv cyivi wbq, bBj kvw... wK ivRKbv nvmjv h! Nywgq AvQ Kv_vq? Gevi Avi AjwKK Kî kvbv Mjv bv, wK hv kvbv Mjv Zv AjwKKi Pq AwaK wKQ~| hb ^ci Icvi _K eR DVjv GK APbv myi nuv, Avwg Nywgq AvwQ| PgK ivRKbvi w`K ZvKvjv hyeK| weq evKi nq iBjv AbKY| Kî GZ myì nq? GZ myijv nq? hb `q Qwoq cojv GK AjwKK myi; `q _K mviv kixi| PvLi Nvi Rvi Ki LvwbKUv Kwgq ejjv wK Zzwg h K_v ejQv! Nywgq K_v ejQv Kgb Ki? ivRKbv nvmjv hb wiwbwSwb Pzwo evRjv Kv_vI| hb b~cyi ci QzU Mjv Kvbv Pj wKkvix| nuv, NywgqB K_v ejwQ| Avwg nuvUZ cvwi, LZ-emZ cvwi, nvmZ cvwi, Kuv`Z cvwi, K_v ewj| A_P Avwg Nywgq AvwQ| cvie Avgvi Nyg fvOvZ hyeK? wKfve Zvgvi Nyg fvOvev gq? GKUv mvbvi KvwV wQjv, GKUv icvi| `yUv KvwV IjU-cvjU Ki w`j Nyg fvOe Avgvi| wK GKUv KvwV nvwiq MQ hb Kv_vq| K hb wbq MQ Pzwi Ki| K wbqQ? mUv Zv GLb ejv hve bv| Zvgvi m Zv Avgvi Ggb Kvbv mK bB h, me K_v Lyj ejev! Zvnj AZ ejv, Kvb KvwVUv nvwiqQ! ZvI Rvwb bv, mUv ZvgvKB LyR ei KiZ ne| u Zzwg hw` GKUzI mnhvwMZv bv Kiv Zvnj Avwg Kx Ki Zvgvi Nyg fvOvev? Zzwg Zv wKQzB ejQv bv| mevB wgj AvgvK G iKg gnvmMi dj w`j Kbv? GUv GKUv K_v njv? Cki ZvgvK eQ wbqQb, Avgvi Kx `vl? Avi GZ mnRB Avgvi KvQ _K mnhvwMZv Avkv Kiv Kvb mvnm? Zzwg mdj
nj Avwg Zvgvi nq hvev! A_P fe `vLv, Zzwg wK Avgvi hvM? QvULvUv gvbyl Zzwg, mv`vwm` `wi` gvbyl, Zvgvi mvdj Zv Avgvi Rb wecì KviY| Avwg Kvb `ytL ZvgvK mnhvwMZv Kiev? Zv eU| hyeK fvejv| Avwg Kb ivRKbvi w`KUvI fe `LwQ bv? m Zv Ckii Ljvi cyZzj| Avwg mdj nj IK cvev| ivRKbvi Kvbv cQ` AcQì evcviB bB| Avh! Cki GZ ^QvPvix Kb? gqUvi K_v fe Zvi K njv| _vK, ivRKbv NywgqB _vK GKevi GK_vI fvejv| IK bv cj Zvi wZ bB, m Zv Zvi hvMB bq! wK ^vfvweK Rxebhvcbi AwaKvi nvivbvi fq mvivivZ Zvi NygB njv bv| mKvj h_vixwZ Awdm Mjv m| wbqggvwdK, cvq webv KviY emi agK Ljv| mnKgxì we`c-Vvv bjv| wK mvivY ZvK `Lj Ki iBjv ivRKbvi Nyg fvOvbvi fvebv| Awdm mvivY ZvK wPvwK `LvjI divi mgq ZvK ek wbfvi gb njv| hb GKwU cwZ Avwevi Ki djQ, hb myKwVb mgmvi mgvavbwU GLb Zvi nvZi gyVvq| mgvavbwU Avi wKQzB bq, Zvi Rb hUv ^vfvweK, mUvB| m `Z eyS djQ ivRKbvi Nyg fvOvbv Zvi c me bq, AZGe LvgvLv Pv Ki jvf bB, G wbq wPv KivI A_nxb| eySZ ci m wbfvi nq MQ| Awdm _K wdi ivRKbvK `L m g`y nvmjv GLbv AvQv! Avwg fewQjvg, ivZ ^c `LwQ| Avh! Zzwg evcviUvK GZ nvjKvfve wbQv Kb? nvjKvfve wbBwb Zv! Gi AvM Kvbw`b KD AvgvK iL GK gyn~Zi RbI evBi hZ Pvqwb, Avi Zzwg Kx bv w`bfi Awdm Ki Gj! evn! Awdm bv Mj Pje wK Ki? ZvQvov Avwg eyS djwQ... wK eyS djQ? ZvgvK ejev Kb? Zvgvi m Zv Avgvi Ggb Kvbv mK bB h, Avgvi me K_v ZvgvK ejZ ne! ivRKbv gRv cjv Lye, nvmjv AbKY, nvmZ nvmZB ejjv Avgvi K_v AvgvKB wdwiq w`Qv, Zzwg ek jvK Zv! Zvì mKUv ek mnR nq Mjv| Gi cii NUbv Lye `xN bq| ivRKbvi Nyg fvOvbvi wPv hnZz gv_v _K So djQ hyeK Ges Zvì mKwU ek mnR nq DVQ, cyiv
welqwU Avi Zgb KwVb bB| hyeK wbqg-gZv Awdm hvq, wdi `xN Mvmj `q, Zvici ivRKbvi m M gvZ| ay NygUv wbqg-gZv nQ bv, GB hv! Kx GZ M Ki hyeK? Zvi Mi fvvi Adzi bq, m ZvB ay wbRi K_vB ej| GZw`b Zvi K_v kvbvi gZv KD wQjv bv, GLb GKRbK cq m AMj Lyj `q| m Zvi wbtmZv Avi GKKvxZi K_v ej, kke-Kkvii wZgq NUbvjv ej, gvqi K_v ej, Zvi Kvbv ez bB GLb QvUejvq hviv wQjv Zvì K_v ej, GgbwK GKevi m cg cowQjv mB MI ev` hvq bv| ejZ ejZ KLbv nvwmZ fO co, KLbv welY Avi `ytLx nq IV, KLbv PvL wfR hvq wbRi ARv| Avgiv ivRKbvi cwZwqvI j KiZ cvwi| m LyeB wewZ| hyeK Zvi m h eenviwU KiQ mUv ezi gZv| m wVK eyS DVZ cviQ bv, Zvi Nyg fvOvbvi evcvi hyeKi Kvbv eZv bB Kb! hyeKi PvL Aek gyZvi Qvqv ivRKbv ek fvjvfveB j KiQ| KLbv KLbv mUv cKvwkZI nq co| hgb GKevi hyeK ejwQjv AvQv, Zywg PvL KvRj civ bv? bv Zv! Kb? Zvgvi PvL nQ KvRj civi PvL| civ bv Kb? Avgvi PvL Zv GgwbZB KvRj-Kvjv| KvRj-Kvjv PvL Avi KvRj-civi PvL GK bq, eySQ ivRKbv? Zzwg cij eySZ cvie| ek Zv, Zzwg wKb wÌ| hyeK mwZ mwZ KvRj wKb GbQ| AviKw`b AvQv, Zzwg cvq b~cyi civ bv Kb? b~cyi Zvgvi cQ`? nuv, Lye| Avwg Avgvi cqmxK me mgq b~cyi-civ ej Kbv KiZvg| Avwg Zv Zvgvi cqmx bB| bv nj| Zvgvi cv nQ b~cyi civi cv| ci `L| Zzwg wKb `vI| hyeK mwZ ZvK b~cyi wKb w`qQ! Gevi Avgiv hyeKi w`K j Kwi| hwÌ ivRKbvi Nyg fvOvbvi K_v GLb m Avi fve bv, wK Zvi `bw`b Rxebhvcb ek LvwbKUv e`j MQ| mvi Nyg Zv MQB, ivZI Nyg nq bv| `ywvq| ^vfvweK Rxebhvcbi AwaKvi nvwiq m h Kvb Rxeb cve K Rvb! wPi-`w Avi wPi-keYkw
cvIqvi A_B ev Kx, m fe cvq bv| AvRKvj gbUv Lye Lvivc _vK m Zv fvjvB wQjv Zvi GK wPjZ cw_exi mgvU nq, LvgvLv ZvK Ggb RwUjZvq dj `qvi Kvbv A_ nq! B`vbxs cwZwU gyn~Z m DcfvM KiZ Pvq Zvwoq Zvwoq| gb nq GB kl, Avi Kvbvw`b Gfve GB gyn~Z wdi Avme bv| RxebhvcbB e`j hve, Zvi Avevi gyn~Z! ivRKbvK m cve bv, G Zv Rvbv K_v, cvIqvi K_v m fve bv fyj KiI, wK cvIqvi BQ h Ki bv Zv Zv bq| GUvI Zv GKUv mgmvB| ivRKbvi w`K ZvKvjB eyKi fZiUv Ki IV| hZUv bv ZvK bv cvIqvi mvebvq Zvi Pq ewk wbRi wbtmZvi Rb| KD Zvi mx njv bv, KD bv| m Kvbv ivRKbvK Pvqwb| m Zv wbRi AgZv Avi AhvMZvi K_v RvbB| wK hvK PqwQjv m-I Zv Kvbv GK LivZ Pi `ycyi PvL Avi cw_exZ ew bvwgq Pj wMqwQjv| Avi wdijv bv| Gme K_v Lye gb nq| ew nj m h Kb Ggb Avbgbv D`vmxb nq hvq m K_v KD Rvb bv; Aek KD RvbZI Pvq bv| wK m Zv Rvb! mw`bI m mviv mv Zzgyj ewZ wfR GKvKvi nq UzKUzK jvj PvL wbq evmvq wdiwQjv| ivRKbv eva nq GB hyeKi KvhKjvc Af nq MQ, A_ev KZ~nj nq wK cKvk Ki bv icmxiv KZnj `Lvj ici AnsKvi Zv LvwbKUv vb nq hvq h hyeK Zvi icK wbnfve AejvKb Kivi `ytmvnm `Lvq, Zvi mK KZnj Zv GKUz nqB| AvR ewZ wfR evmvq wdij ivRKbv GKUz wbnfveB wRm Kijv nVvr ewZ fRvi kL njv Kb, ZvI GB Aejvq! wK hyeK wbii| AvR wK m GKUy ewk D`vmxb? ivZ hyeKi Ri Gjv Kuvwcq| wbRi ARv nqZv m hYvKvZi k KiwQjv, Ui cjv gvqvwe k Lye Lvivc jvMQ? Zvi PvL wfR DVjv nVvr| KZvKvj m Ggb gvqvwe k cvqwb, KZvw`b m Ggb DrKwZ Kî kvbwb! QvUejvi K_v gb cojv Zvi, nVvr| Lvivc jvMQ Zvgvi? gv_vq nvZ eywjq w`B? Avevi mB DrKwZ Kî| Zvi Kx h nq, Lye mveavb, axi wbRi nvZ ivL ivRKbvi nvZ| ivRKbv mwiq `q bv eis GK nvZ hyeKi nvZ ai Ab nvZ gv_vq eywjq w`Z _vK| Aviv wKQzY ci hyeKi gv_vq wbP _K evwjkwU wbRi Kvj wbq ej GLvb kvI| hyeK ivRKbvi Kvj gv_v
iL Zvi gyLUv `Lvi BQvq PvL Zzjj PvLi mvgb GK bZzb cw_ex Dby nq| wbRK mshZ Kiv cqvRb eySZ ciI mvgjvbv hvq bv, ivRKbvi nvZ Ub wbq AvjMvQ VuvU Quvqvq m| ivRKbvi PvL e, g`y Kb Zvi mviv kixi| hyeK Zvi wPeyK VuvU Quvqvq| ivRKbv Kuc IV| hyeKi gv_vwU Ub wbq mRvi eyK Pc ai| hyeKi AwZ Ryo GLb GK AjxK cw_ex| Lye mveavb ivRKbvi AvuPjwU Kuva _K mwiq `q m, Avi eYbvZxZ GK m`h m cvq vb nvwiq dj| Gici m wVK Kx KiwQjv gb co bv, ay wbR Mvj Z Aki Quvqv cj m wbRi VuvUK ivRKbvi VuvU hy Aevq Avwevi Ki Avi ZLb Zvi gyVvZ wQjv gvLb-D `yB AjwKK cw_ex| Lye wewZ nq cowQjv m Zzwg Kuv`Qv! ivRKbv Kvbv K_v ejwb| Zzwg Kuv`Qv Kb ivRKbv? ivRKbv ZvK wbweo Ki AviKevi Rwoq ai| Kuv`Qv Kb, ejj bv? AvgvK GLb Pj hZ ne| Kb? hyeK AvKvk _K co| Zzwg AvgvK RvwMq ZzjQ hyeK| RvwMqB hw` _vwK Zvnj Zv ZvgvK Avgvi cvIqvi K_v| GLbv eje cvIwb? Avi Kx PvI Zzwg? wK Avwg Zv Gfve PvBwb ZvgvK! Zzwg KvbvfveB AvgvK PvIwb| Avwg wbR _K Zvgvi KvQ GmwQ| G GK AyZ NUbv hyeK| Gi AvM hvivB AvgvK `LQ Zvì GKgv bRi wQjv Avgvi kixii w`K| ZzwgI wbqB Avgvi ici cksmv Kie, Avgvi kixii cksmv Kie| nuv, Avwg Rvwb, Avgvi kixii gZv Ggb Zxe Ave`bgqx kixi cw_exZ Lye ewk mw Kiv nqwb| Avi mUvB nqQ hYv| ic wbq RbMnY Ki Avwg Aciva KiwQ hyeK, mevB Avgvi kixiUvB `LQ, gb `Lwb| Avgvi kixii Ici Suvwcq coZ PqQ mevB, KD eySZ Pvqwb Avwg GK `ytLx ivRKbv| `ytLx! wK Ggb `ytL Zvgvi gq? AvgvK Gi AvM cqwQjv Avi gv GKRb| m-I `LwQjv Avgvi `q I kixiK GKm wgwjq| ZvK Avwg nvwiq djwQ, A_ev m Pj
MQ AvZ Kv_vI, wK hvIqvi mgq wbq MQ Avgvi mvbvi KvwV, Avwg Avi RvMZ cviZvg bv| Avi KvDK fvjvevmZ cviZvg bv| GKgv ZvKB fvjvemwQjvg AvM, Gici Zzwg| Avwg? AvgvK fvjvemQ Zzwg? evKv Qj| fvjv bv evmj Gfve KD KvQ Avm, Gfve KD wbRK mgcY Ki `q? wK Kb, Ke _K AvgvK fvjvevmj? Avwg hLb Zvgvi cqmxi gZv Ki wbRK mvRvZ i KiwQ, ZLbB wK evSwb Zzwg? Kx Ki eySev? Avwg Zv feB `wLwb| Zvgvi IB wbivmwB Zv mebvk KiQ Avgvi| ZvgvK eySZ Pq cg co MwQ| Zvnj Avi hvIqvi K_v DVQ Kb? fvjv hw` emB _vKv KvDK, nvK bv m mvaviY, Zvi KvQ iq MjB Zv nq! nq bv| GUv Ckii BQv bq| Cki eevi RvbZ PqQb IB ivRKzgvi Qvov Avwg Avi KvDK fvjvevwm Kx bv| Di cqQb IB iKgB ivRKzgvi GKRbB Avi Avgvi fvjvevmvI BDwbK| GUv wQjv Ckii Pvj| wZwb ejwQjb, Avwg wbqB Ab KvDK fvjvevmev| Zvi Pvji KvQ ni MwQ Avwg| wK wRZ MwQ Ab RvqMvq| ivRKbvì fvjvevmv cvIqvi Rb GKRb gvbyli ivRcy nIqvi ìKvi bB, hw` Zvi _vK GKwU Kvgj `q Avi LvwbKUv wbivmw| Cki Rvbjb bv, gvbyl Zvi BQvi wei AbK wKQz Rb hvq| Avi K_v bq hyeK, Gevi AvgvK hZ ne... nVvr Ni AKvi nq Mjv| hyeK nvZo LyuR cjv bv ivRKbvK| KZvY WvKvWvwK KiI mvov cvIqv Mjv bv, wK kvbv Mjv mB AjwKK Kî Avwg GmwQ hyeK| ZvgvK K AvmZ ejQ, Cki? Avgvi Zv Avmvi K_v wQjv| Zzwg hvI GLvb _K| hvev Zv eUB| wK Zzwg Zvgvi cyivi be bv? Avwg LyeB AevK nqwQ gvbe mvb| h KvR KvD cviwb, Zvgvi gZv GKRb mvaviY jvK Kxfve h mUv cvijv! Avh! LyeB Avhi welq! ejv Zzwg Kx PvI?
hv PvBev è? nuv, wbqB èv| wK h Kvbv GKwU wRwbm PvBZ ne| ivRKbvK PvB| ZvK Zzwg cqQv hyeK| Gfve Avi KD cvqwb ZvK| wZxqevi ZvK cvIqv hvq bv| ZvgvìB GKRb GKwU KweZv wjLwQjv bv G cw_ex GKevi cvq Zvi, cvq bv Kv Avi! IB iKg Avi wK! ivRKbvK Avi wdi cvIqv hve bv, hv cqQ ZvB wbq m _vKv| ZvgvK Gfve ejZ GKUz LvivcB jvMQ, KviY Avwg LyeB AevK nqwQ| Kxfve cvij Zzwg? Zvgiv h ejv, bvixì gb èZvivI evS bv, GLb gb nQ icmxì gb CkiI evSb bv|... Zzwg Zvgvi eKeKvwb _vgvI| Gme evKvqvwR bZ BQ KiQ bv| hyeK Avi wKQz kvbIwb| Avgvì icK_v GLvbB kl| Gevi eve cw_exZ wdi Avmv hvK| GKRb mvgvb gvbyli Rxeb nVvr Ki GK Amvgvb icmxi AvMgb Ges Pj hvIqv GK aibi wechq NwUq w`qQ| jvKwUK Avcbviv nqZv AbKB `LQb wewfb mgq, wewfb RvqMvq| Aek ZvK GLb Avi Lye GKUv Pbv hvq bv| Pzjjv eo eo RU cvwKq MQ GLb Avi KvUvi K_v gbB _vK bv Zvi, `vwo-Muvdi Rj RgQ Mvj, mvd Kivi bvg bB| Zvi PvL Ryo GLb ayB ivRKbvi gyL, Kvb evR mB AjxK Kî| Avi KvbvwKQz `LZ ev bZ Zvi Amn jvM| AvRKvj gb nq eva nq A Avi ewai nq hvIqvB Zvi Rb fvjv wQjv| Avcbvì m jvKwUi `Lv nqQ nqZv, A_ev ne| fvjvB nZv hw` è`vmi gZv ejv hZ GB iKg nZfvMvi `Lv cvBj Zvnvi Rb cv_bv KwiI| ejv me nQ bv| Kb me nQ bv mUv GB jLK ejZ eva bb| eZgvb jLK jvKwU m^ GZwKQz Rvbjb Kxfve Avkv KiwQ, cvVKiv GiKg eqvov I Aevi ck Dvcb Kieb bv| KijI mZ KviYB jLK Zv Gwoq hveb| jLKI Ckii gZvB ^QvPvix; GB Mi cvcvxiv evei Pwi njI wbgvYwU GB jLKi, AZGe GUv nQ KiY Kkj ej wbqB wZwb ckwU Gwoq hZ cvib| Kvbv Kvbv eqvov
cvVK Avevi ck KiZ cvib jvKwU wK jLK wbRB? m jLK iM hvIqvi Pv Kieb Ges wem`kfve Pzc nq wMq MwU kl Ki èb|
Rvbyqvwi 1999|
Ni
DwPZ bq, Zey Ni Ryo cMvp AKvi wSg ai Rg AvQ| ivRxi PvL GZUzKz Nyg bB, GgbwK PvL eyuR co _vKZI Amn jvMQ; wK Lvjv ivLjI AKvi Qvov Avi wKQzB `Lv hvq bv ej fq jvM| GZ AKvi! A_P c`vUv Zzj w`j wU jvBUi Avjvq LvwbKUv QvqvQbZv Zwi nq; GgbwK jvWkwWs Avi Puv`bx ivZi Kw^bkb nj GB AvwjKvgq knii PuvÌ wKQzUv RvQbv Xj `q G Ni| wK Rvbvjvi Mvp iOi cyi c`v, fwUjUii wQ`jv ch KvMR w`q e Kiv KviY wZwb AKvi fvjvevmb, GZUzKz Avjvi DcwwZI Zvi Nygi evNvZ NUvq| QvUejv _K ivRxi AKvi fq, Avjvi cwZ cg Avi m, ivRxi ^vgx BdZLvi, wVK Gi Dv| A_P GB fqsKi ecixZ wbq Dfqi msmvi w`we mvZ eQi ai PjQ| GB gyn~Z ivRx PzcPvc, wbtk, cvq kvmckvmnxb| ivRxi GKevi DV wMq evjKwbZ ùvovZ BQ njv| wK `yUv KviY BQUv cyiY Kiv me nQ bv| DVZ Mj k ne| ZvZ jvKUvi Nyg fO hZ cvi, fO Mj Zxe weiw cKvk KiZ GZUyKz wav Kie bv| GB wbRb-Kvjvnjnxb-gvqvex ivZ IB weiw mn Kiv gykwKj| GZ nvjKv Nyg jvKUvi! mvgvb Avjvi gZv, mvgvb kI Zvi Nyg fO hvq! ZvQvov Zxe kxZ coQ| DVj Mvq Puvì RovZ ne Avjbvq iL `qv Pvì wbqB Vvv eid nq AvQ! K_vUv gb nZ jci wbP _K IVvUv Aviv KwVb nq ùvovjv| GB kxZvZ ivZ cvkvcvwk q AvQ ^vgx bvgK jvKwU GKB jci wbP mvRv wPr nq, GKevi cvk wNi ZvK RwoqI aiQ bv! ivRx wbR h aie ZviI Dcvq bB IB h Zvi Nyg fvOvi fq, fO Mj weiwZ KzrwmZ nq IVvi fq! GB mvZ eQi KZvUvB bv e`j MQ me! mvnv GKevi KLbv KLbv Aviv `xN weiwZZ wgqgvY kvixwiK wgjb Qvov evowZ GKUv PzgyI wewbgq nq bv KZvw`b! mewKQz Kx e`j hvq, cyibv nq hvq! ivRx Rvb, Zvi ic GLbv vb nq hvqwb AZ e cyili gy `w _K m GLbv ewZ nQ bv| GB ici RbB, Rvb m, cvq Kkvi _K m cq GmQ gy`w, cgc, wgbwZ, wZ, mgcY| GgbwK BdZLviI GKmgq Zvi Rb me^ cY KiZ cZ wQjv| m Zv Aviv e cgv_xi wgbwZ Dcv KiB GB jvKwUK eQ wbqwQjv| A_P GLb, `vLv, m Kgb gZi gZv ay co co Nygvq!
Nygvj bvwK? AbKY PzcPvc co _K cvq wbRi ARvB ej dj ivRx Ui cvq fyj nq MQ| Du| NywgqQ? GLb Avi divi Dcvq bB| K_v ejZB ne| Du| Zvi gvb, Zzwg RMB wQj! AvgviB gZv! wK fvewQj GKv GKv? RMB hw` AvQv GKUz K_vI Zv ejZ cviv! Ggb givi gZv knxb co _vKv Kb? Kvbv MB wK Avi Aewk bB Avgvì `y-Rbi? IB Zv cvki Ni Avgvì GKgv mvb , Zvi `v`yi m NygvQ Avi wKQy bv nvK, Avgiv Zv IK wbqI K_v ejZ cvwi, fwelr cwiKbv KiZ cvwi| wbRì ^c cZvkvi hw` gZz NUB _vK, IK wbq bZzb ^c wbgvY KiZ cvwi! wK Gme ivRx gb gb ej, gyL Ab K_v Kx kxZ coQ, bv! &u| mgxZi bv Rvwb KZv K nQ! mgxZ gvb Zvi èi, mePq QvUwU, G evmvq Zvi RvqMv nqQ evjKwbZ| iwjsjv bU w`q wNi c`v Uvwbq `qv njI duvKdvKi w`q kxZi Avmv-hvIqv ZvZ e nQ bv| wK nVvr Ki mgxZi K_v Gjv Kb? Avi GjvB hw`, ivZ`ycyi ^vgxK Nyg _K WK AcvmwKfve mgxZi K_v ejv njvB hw` GLb Pzc Ki _vKvi Kvbv Dcvq Zv bB; wK G cm Avi Kx-B ev ejv hvq? A_P Aviv `y-PviU K_v bv ejj evcviUv Lvivc `Lvq, ay ZvB bq GUvI cwZwZ nq hvq h, GZY q q m mgxZi K_vB feQ| (fvej `vl wKQz bB, wK B`vbxs Zvi fq nQ mgxZi m Zvi mKwUK KD m`ni PvL `LQ Kx bv, fe|) wK mwZB Zv m Avi Zv fveQ bv| bvwK fvewQjv? Mvcb, cvq wbRi ARvB! AbKY ai wK m mgxZi envjvi myi bQ bv? GB wb_i ivZ GKgv IB KiYwejw^Z myiB wK ZvK AbKY ai `Lj Ki ivLwb? GKUz AvMI wK Kvbvi gZv IB myi Zvi PvL wfwRq Zvjwb? Avi GKevi Kvbv cj hv nq Kvbv cvevi gZv hveZxq NUbv GKm gb co hvq, AbK cyibv K I nvnvKvi GKm wdi Avm ZviI wK Zv nqwb? ivRx Gevi AvqvRb Ki mgxZi K_vB fveZ _vK| Avi mewKQz Qo QjUv h Kb envjv cQ` Kijv, K Rvb! AbK w`b AvM mgxZ ZLb Kej KjR coQ Zvi KvQ Gm GKUv envjv wKb `qvi Ave`vi Kijv| ZLb m AevK nqwQjv wMUviI
Zv PvBZ cviZv, AvRKvj Qj-gqiv Kx myì wMUvi evRvq fe! wK K_vUv m wRm Kiwb| Zvi gyLPviv, jvRyK, PzcPvc, welY èiwUi IB c_g `vwe, klI| Avi KLbv I wKQz Pvqwb| GB cuvP eQi mgxZi nvZ Kx h AmvaviY myi GmQ! hLb evRvq gb nq hb cw_exi mewKQz GKm Ku` DVQ, hb me gvbyli mg K, Acvw Avi nvnvKvi m Zvi AvOzj aviY Ki AvQ| mgxZi mewKQzB Ggb AyZ, evLvnxb| PzcPvc-wbtm QjUv ivZ Mfxi bv nIqv ch envjvUv nvZ ch bq bv Kb, Zv-I GK inm| ivRx KLbv KLbv bZ PvBj I nm Gwoq hvq ivZ Zv kvbvB| kvbv bv? Zvnj Avi AvqvRb Ki evRvbvi wK njv? nuv, ivZ kvb ivRx, wK Ab Kvbv mgq b `LZ PqwQjv mewKQz GKBiKgfve Ku` IV Kx bv! wK mgxZ IB ivZ Qvov Ab Kvbv mgq evRvZ ivwRB nq bv| bQ? ivRx Zvi Amvg K_vi ik ai Avevi i Ki| Du! mgxZK evjKwbZ ivLvUv wVK nQ bv| BdZLvi wbii| wKQz ejQv bv h! wK ejev? IK evjKwbZ _vKZ ejj Kb? Kv_vq _vKZ ejev? Zvgiv wZb fvB Avjv`v ig wbj, gv-i ig njv, WBs igI njv, ay IiB RvqMv njv bv! Avi ig bB Zv! WBs igUv IK w`q `vI| Zvnj WBs ig Kv_vq ne? IB evjKwbUvB Zv GKUz mvwRq-wQq wbj nq| BdZLvi Pzc Ki hvq| evSv hvQ GB cve Zvi mvq bB| mymwZ WBs ig Qvov wK Avi cwR iv nq! cwRi Pq mgxZ Gì KvQ iZc~Y bq wKQzZB| bBj KD K_vUv GKeviI fvejv bv Kb? m AveviI ej AviKUz eo `L evmvUv wbjI Zv cviZ| Geviv Kvbv Di cvIqv hvq bv, wbweKvi q _vK BdZLvi| _vKzK, ivRx fveQ wbweKvi _vKzK, Avwg wbRB mgxZi Rb Avkcvk Kv_vI GKUv ig fvov Ki èv| fveZ fveZ cwiKbvUv gb ai Mjv| KvRUv
Kiv Mj mgxZi KUv Kge| ZvQvov, I hgb wbRbZvwcq, GKv _vKvi GB myeY myhvM cq wbqB Avb` DvwmZ nq DVe| GB evowZ LiP BdZLvi wKQz gb Kie bv ivRxi AZ Zv-B gb nQ Zvi eZbi UvKvUv Zv cvq LiPB nq bv| m h GKUv PvKwi Ki, BdZLvii eva nq mUv gbB bB mw`K _K `LZ Mj, PvKwiUv Zvi cqvRbI bq AbKUv kLi em KiZ wMq dum MQ| PvKwi nQ Ryqvi gZv, GKevi aij dZzi bv nIqv ch Qvov hvq bv| GB `vmZi Afvm hvi nqQ, m Avi ILvb _K eivZ cvi bv Kvbvw`b| ZvQvov, mgqUvI Zv KU hvQ! bBj GB cuvP igi evmvq `g e nq gi hZ nZv| GB evmv _K evevi evmv, wK `y-GKRb AvZxq-^Rbi evmvq eovbv Qvov Nii eDì Avi hvIqvi RvqMv Kv_vq? Gfve Avi KZvw`bB ev Pj? AviKwU KviYI Aek AvQ mwUI AcKvk, Kviv KvQ ejv hvq bv, wK ivRx wbR Rvb m Abi PvL wbRK `L wbZ fvjvevm| PvKwiUv Ki ej, mnKgx ev Awdm wewfb KvR Avmv jvKRbi PvL wbRK `L bqv hvq Ges mme PvL gyZvq Qvqv `L Z I cxZ nIqv hvq| Kvbv Kvbv PvL h jvfI _vK bv, Zv bq ivRx evS; wK m wKQz gb Ki bv| G GK Awbevh welq ay ic ev m`h `LB myLx nIqvi gZv gvbyl bB, wbRi Ki cZ PvB, ZeB bv myL gvbyli GB ceYZvK m A^vfvweK ej gb Ki bv| m Zv mwZB Avi IBme jvfvZzi gvbyli KvQ wbRK mgcY KiQ bv! mgxZ wK _g Mjv ivRx mgxZi fvebvq wdi Gjv Avevi| QjUv h Kb Ggb GB ck Zvi ew`bi| KbB ev Ii mB Zvi mKUv Ggb Mfxi nq Mjv Zv-I Rvb bv m| GKv _vKZ cQ` Ki I, BDwbfvwmwU Qvov Ab Kv_vI hvq bv, Ni em Mvb kvb, eB co, Avi ivZ mevB q coj Avcb gb envjv evRvq| GiKg GKRb gvbyli m NwbZv Rbvbvi Kvbv KviY bB| Zey mUvB NUQ| hZ w`b hvQ, mgxZi Rb Zvi ggZv hb eoB PjQ| m Rvb, welqwU GKZidv bq; Zvi cwZI mgxZi UvbUv Avi KD bv nvK m wbR Lye fvjvfveB Ui cvq| Avnvi, GB kxZ Ii bv Rvwb KZv K nQ! bZzb Ki GB K_v gb Gj, ig fvov Ki èvi cwiKbvUv mgxZK Rvbvbvi Rb m DV co|
2. GB gv Avgvi cvk _K ivRx DV Mjv, mcY| GKUz AvMB AvgvK WK mgxZi K_v ejwQjv Avwg Lye GKUv imc bv Ki, Nygi fvb ai fvwi fvwi wbtkvm djZ i KiwQ| ivRx evSwb mvZ eQi Ni Kivi ciI I Avgvi AbK wKQzB evS bv h, Avwg NygvBwb| Rvwb, Avgvi Nyg fvOvi fqB IK KvZi Ki iLwQjv| I Zv Avi Rvb bv, ivZi ci ivZ Avwg Nygi fvb ai co _vwK, Nyg Avm bv| Kb GB mgmv nQ K Rvb! Avwg Zv Ggb wKQz K bB, Ubkb bB wbiwM Qvcvlv Rxebhvcb KiwQ| GKwU cvBfU evsKi DPc` KgKZv Avwg, fvjv eZb cvB, mvgvwRK ghv`vI h_| hv PqwQ, Zvi Pq cqwQ ewk cvci AwaK cvw| ckvMZ Rxeb Kvbv mgmv bB, mgmv bB cvwievwiK RxebI| ivRx Lye fvjv gq| icmx, eywgZx, KbwmWviU| GB cwievii cwZ Avgvi imcwwewjwUK I wbRi KiB `L| gv Avi wZbwU fvB mevi KvQB ivRx fvjvevmv cvq| Avi Avgvì GKgv mvb , GmewKQzi ga GK Dj bi gZv Ni`vi Avjv Ki iLQ| bv, Kv_vI Kvbv mgmv bB, eis GLvbI IB GKB evcvi cvci AwaK cvw| Zey Kb Avgvi Nyg Avm bv? Ze wK IB AcZvwkZ cvwjvB Avgvi mebvk Kijv? hv cvIqvi K_v wQjv bv, ZviPq ewk cqwQ ej, Aviv ewk cvIqvi cZvkv RMQ! bBj Kb Kvbv GK AyZ Y Avgvi gb nqwQjv ivRx AvgvK evS bv! GKUz AvM ivRx AvgvK GK Mv`v K_v kvbvjv mgxZK Kb evjKwbZ iLwQ G wbq| I wK evS bv GB knii fvovwUqvì Kcvj myBUej evmv bB! GB evmvq cuvPwU ig, ZeyI Avgvì nQ bv| GLb evwoIqvjviv Zv eo evmv evbvqB bv| GiPq eo Avi cjvg Kv_vq! ivRx ejwQjv WBs igUv mgxZi Rb Qo w`Z| Gme Zv AveMi K_v! M Gj emvev Kv_vq? ZLb Zv I-B mePq ewk weeZ ne| eviv`vq mgxZi K nQ, eywS, LvivcI jvM| IK Zv Avwg Ab Kvbv fvBqi Pq Kg mn Kwi bv, eis Ii cwZ Avgvi ccvwZZ mePq ewk| wK ivRxi fvemve `L gb ne Avwg GKRb wbzi gvbyl, mgxZi Rb Avgvi Kvbv ggZvB bB| ivbvNi _K UzsUvs k AvmQ| Avwg wbwZ GLb Mj `Lev, ivRx Pv evbvQ mgxZi Rb| GKUz AvMI gb Lvivc Kiv myi evRvwQjv I| _g
hZB DV MQ ivRx| Pv evwbq wbq hve, M Kie AbKY| Iì GB RMrwU GKeviB wbR^| KD Rvb bv GB RMrwUi K_v, wK Avwg Rvwb| Avwg wK m`n Kwi Iì? bv| Iì mKUvK m`ni Da ivLv hvq Aejxjvq| Avi KD bv wPbyK, GKRb bvixK Zvi ^vgx Lye fvjv KiB Pb, gqiv hgb Pb Zvi ^vgxK| KZv`yi hZ cvi, mUv Rb-eySB ciiK wVK ZZvUzKzB Qvo `q Zviv| AvwgI Zvi ewZg bB| ivRx icmx ejv fvjv, AwZgvvq icmx| weqi mvZ eQi hLb Ii kixii cwZwU we`y Avwg wPb djwQ, eenvi KiZ KiZ cyibv Ki djwQ ZLbv Ii ici cksmv KiZ KvcY Kiev bv Avwg| wK Avwg Rvwb, ivRx Ii icK eenvi Ki bv| mgxZ Zv `~i _vK, KvDK RwoqB IK Avwg m`n Kwi bv| Avgvi gvS gvS gb nq, m`n bq, Iì mKUvK Avwg Clv Kwi| G iKg GKwU mKi Rb Avgvi jvf nq, Zzvq QUdU Kwi| wbNyg q _vwK, wbj cZxvq _vwK, mva nq ivRx GK Kvc Pv Avgvi RbI wbq AvmyK, ejyK Lvwj gyL ivZ RvMQv, GKUz Pv wbq Gjvg! 3. ivRxi gvS gvS gb nq mgxZi ga _K GLbv QjgvbywlUv hvqwb| GZ Mxi _vK I, GZ GKv, Zey Ii wKQz wKQz evcvi GKeviB evPvì gZv| GB GLb hgb, Pv evwbq, mcY-wbtk mgxZi cQb ùvwoq m `Ljv I wbwe gb Ni evbvQ| Ni gvb KvMR KU KU Avevi Rvov w`q evbvbv Ljbv Ni| GUv Qjgvbylx Qvov Avi Kx? GB GKUz AvMB hvi nvZ Si coQ cw_exi mg nvnvKvi, hvi myi ivRxi PvL wfR DVQ evievi GLb m-B Kx bv Avcb gb Ljbv Ni evbvQ! Uweji Ici MvUv `kK, GLb GKUv evbvQ, evwbq IUvi Mvq Kx hb wjLjvI| ivRx KZnjx nq knxbfveB GwMq wMq `Ljv mgxZ IB Ljbv Nii Mvq Mvq Zvi bvg wjL iLQ| m GKUv avv Ljv, GKUz wegyp nq cojv gyn~ZB| Kx Kiv DwPZ eySZ bv ci wcwQq Gjv wbtk| mgxZi GB Mvcb KgKv G iKg wbtk DcwwZ wbRi KvQB AbywPZ gb njv| fvwMm, I Ui cvqwb! wcwQq, evjKwb _K ewiq Mjv ivRx, Zvici Pvqi Kvc BQvKZ k Zzj XyKjv Avevi| mwgZ|
GZ ivZ Pv!nvZ evwoq Pvqi Kvc wbZ wbZ ejjv mgxZ| Ii PvL Avb`| Lvwj gyL ivZ RvMQv, ZvB wbq Gjvg| ivRx Lqvj Kijv mgxZi ga IB Nijv jyKvbvi ceYZv bB, gb njv GRb m weeZI bq| ivRx ^weva Kijv| fvjv KiQ| Zzwg wK KiQv? wKQz bv| ivRx wMq Uwej _K GKUv Ni Zzj wbjv Gjv wK? Ni| Gevi hb wbRi bvg `LZ cqQ Ggb fwZ m ZvKvjv| wK eje m GB gyn~Z? wRm Kie Gmei gvb wK? RvbZ PvBe Kb mgxZ G iKg? Gmei wKQzB bv Ki m mgxZi Pyj AvOzj Wzweq wRm Kijv GLvb Zvi Lye K nQ bv i? m^vabi nVvr cwieZb ivRx wbR Ui bv cjI, mgxZ Gi A_ evS| Lye ewk AveMceY nq coj fvex ZvK ZzB m^vab Ki| bv Zv! mgxZ mwZB Lye AevK| AekB K nQ| ZzB KLbv wKQz Pvm bv, Kvbv `vwe-`vIqv bB, mevB hv Pvwcq `q ZvB gb wbm GB RbB Zv ZvK KD GKUv ig w`jv bv| GB kxZi ga GLvb gvbyl _vKZ cvi! Lye cvi| Avgvi Zv Kvbv K nQ bv| wbqB nQ| ZzB ejwQm bv| ZzB KvjKB Avkcvk Kv_vI GKUv ig LyuR wbwe| fvov hv jvM Avwg è| mgxZ nm dj| nvmwQm Kb? ig LyuRwe Zv? Du| Kb? GKUv Avjv`v ig nj g` nq bv| wK mLvb K Avgvi Rb gvSivZ Pv wbq Avme wb! K Avgvi envjv b Kuvè? K Avgvi wbtm gyn~Zjv Avb` Avi fvjvevmvq fi è ejv? GKUv Avjv`v ig gvb GKUv wbR^ RMr, wK Zzwg Qvov m RMr h Lye k~b gb ne, Zzwg Zv evS bv?
gyn~ZwU wQjv AveMceY dj ivRxi `xNYi Rwgq ivLv Kvbv cKvk nq coe Ui cq ZzB Ggb Kb i mgxZ ej, Avi bv `vuwoq Kvbv jyKvZ `Z ILvb _K Pj Avm| 4. mgxZ Aviv AbKevi GB cki gyLvgywL nqQ| GB fvex-B ZvK ckUv KiQ eevi, KiQ Zvi nvZ Mvbv ezì cvq mevB Ges Zvi cgcZvkx gqwUI| wK KD-B ckwU cwivi Kiwb| ZzB Ggb KbKgb?GB wRvmvi Di bB Kviv KvQ| m wK Lye A^vfvweK GKRb gvbyl? wKsev mvgvwRK gvbyl wnme GKRb ewi h fveg~wZ _vK, mUv wK Zvi ga m~Yfve AbycwZ? nZ cvi| m Zv KLbv mvgvwRK gvbyl nZB Pvqwb| hviv mvgvwRK gvbyl ZvivI h mwU nZ Pvq Zv nqZv bq, GUv ^ZtZfveB nq IVvi evcvi, Zvi Rxeb mwU NUwb| Kb NUwb mwU ejv KwVb, wK mgxZ cvqB evcviUv wbq fve| QvUejvq m GiKg wQjv bv, eovZ Lye cQ` KiZv, zj-cvovq Zvi AbK ez wQjv| GRb KZv eKv LZ nqQ! wK GKwU NUbv Zvi GB ^fvewU cv `q| GKevi m gv-evevi m Mvgi evwoZ hvwQjv ZLb m zji DuPz Kvm co| Kx KviY m Rvb bv, UbUv ek duvKv wQjv, Avi m ek Avb` Nyiwdi eovwQjv| GKUv Kvgivq m `Ljv GKRb A jvK Kx hb GKUv evRvQ, Avi mB Kvgivi mejv jvK nq em AvQ| m-I ggyi gZv ùvwoq bwQjv| GiKg jvK m KLbv `Lwb, KLbv Ggb myi m kvbwb| KZvY Gfve ùvwoq wQjv gb bB| nqZv AbKY ne, KviY evev ZvK LuyRZ ewiqwQjb, Zvici G-Kvgiv I-Kvgiv Nyi GLvb Gm cqwQjb| evev wQjb Mxi gvbyl, Zviv mevB ZuvK fq Ki PjZv| Zv, mgxZK cq Zvi Kuva nvZ iL evev Mxi-î WKwQjb evey| mgxZ wdi ZvKvZB evevi Mxi icwU Si co, ZvK eyK Ub wbq ejb Kuv`Qv Kb evev, wK nqQ? m A jvKUvi w`K AvOyj Zzj wRm KiwQjv IB jvKUv wK evRvQ evev? ZZvY jvKUvi evRvbv kl, jvKRb Gm ZvK cqmv w`q hvQ| evev ejjb IUvi bvg envjv| Avevi be? hvI IK WK wbq Gmv, Avgvì Kvgivq wbq hvB| mgxZ ivwR nqwb, KviY wZxqevi GB myi kvbvi mvnm nqwb Zvi| evev ZvK Rwoq ai gvqi KvQ wbq Mjb, ejjb `vLv Zvgvi Qji Kv| envjv b Kuv`Q| mgxZi jv jvMwQjv, wK KvbvfveB
jvKwUi K_v gv_v _K mivZ cviwQjv bv| mwZ ejZ wK, Kvbvw`bB cviwb| Zv, mB _K Zvi envjv evRvbvi kL| wK evevK ejvi mvnm wQjv bv ej ejv nqwb| Zvi gb co, mB NUbvi ci _KB m gvMZ PzcPvc Mq hZ _vK| Gi eQiLvbK ci evev gviv Mjb| gZzi AvM AvM evev gvK cvqB ejZb Zvgvi GB QjUvi w`K Lqvj iLv| I Avi mevi gZv nqwb| Zvici fvexK ej GB envjv Kbv, kLv, Zvici myi Zzj bqv| GLb Zvi Rxeb Ryo AvQ GB envjv, gvbyli m Zvi fvjv jvM bv| ay fvexi evcviUvB ewZg| fvexi m mKUvI AbiKg| ivRxK wbq ZvB m Kbvi Ni evbvq, Avi cw_exi me `ytL AvOyj Zzj wbq Mfxi ivZ envjvi myi Qwoq `q AvKvki Dk| 5. ek wKQzY AvMB ivRx wdi Gm q coQ Avgvi cvk| q q cvq wgwbU `kK Ku`Q| Zvici _K GK`g PzcPvc| NywgqB cojv nqZv| Ii Kvbv AvgvK wePwjZ Ki ZzjwQjv| wbtk, weivgnxb, Kvbvq fm MQ ivRx| GKevi Avgvi BQ njv, wRm Kwi Kuv`Qv Kb, wK nqQ Zvgvi, AvgvK ejv, AvgvK Zvgvi Kvbvi mx Ki bvI| fvev chB, BQUv wbRi KvQB nvmKi gb njv mKUv Avi AZvUv mnR bB h, K_vjv webv wavq ej djv hvq! ivRx nqZv evSBwb h, Avwg Ii Kvbvi K_v Rb djwQ| evSwb| I Avgvi AbK wKQzB evS bv| Kvb KzY h GB K_vUv Avgvi gv_vq XzKwQjv! IK wbq Avwg wK Kvbv AZwZ fzMwQ? bBj Kb me Ggb Gjvgjv nq Mjv? Kb Avgvi Nyg Avm bv? ivRxK Avwg fvjvem weq KiwQjvg| ay wK fvjvem? ixwZgZv cvMj nq| IK ZLb gb nZv AwPbcyii ivRKbv| Avnv, cyiv RxebUvB Kb Agb Bgvkbvj nq bv! IBiKg hywZKnxb, wnme-wbKknxb! Avnv, mBme w`b! Avi wdie bv KLbv! GLb Zv Kej wewQbZv, GKB weQvbvq qI `y-Rb `y-Rb _K AbwZg `~i mi hvIqv| Kb Ggb njv? mB Zxe cg Kb GZ `Z vb-dvKvk nq Mjv? Ii c _K GB AvPiYi KviYwU Rvwb bv, wK Avgvi wbRi GKmgq (Kvb KzY h!) gb nqwQjv, ivRx AvgvK evS bv! wbqB nVvr Ki GKw`b gb nqwb K_vwU, AbKw`bi AbK NUbv GK nq GiKg GKwU aviYv mw nqwQjv Avgvi ga; Avi Zvici hv nq mvaviYZ Gi c gvMZ mv cZ _vwK Avi
Avgvi aviYv `pg~j nZ _vK| welqwU Avgvi Rb wechKi wQjv| fvwewb Ggb nZ cvi! GZ cg hvi Rb, m-I AvgvK eySZ cviQ bv gb wbZ fvwi K nq| nqZv mB _K `~i mi hvIqvi i, fzj evSveywS nZ cvi Ggb NUbv m~fve Gwoq hvIqv, NU hvIqv AbK NUbv Ii KvQ jywKq ivLv| m-I wbqB GgbwU KiQ| Avi ZvB, Avgvi GZ fvjvevmvi eD wbtm Ku` Pj AvgviB cvk q Rvbv nq bv, Kb GB Kvbv! Av Av K_vevZv, AvjvcPvwiZv Kg GmQ, GLb cyiv evcviwU Ggb GK chvq cQQ h, iwUbIqvKi gZv gvm `y-GKevi kvixwiK wgjb Qvov Kvbv mKB hb Avi Aewk bB| cvk ivRx NygvQ, Avgvi AviKevi BQ njv IK RvMvB, ewj AvgvK Zvgvi Kvbvi mx Ki bvI| ejv njv bv| BQ njv, ewj GB `vLv Avwg Kx iKg nq MwQ, Avgvi Rxeb Kgb wechq bg GmQ; mvivivZ Avgvi GKduvUv Nyg Avm bv| AvgvK RvwMq iL Zzwg h Ggb NygvQv Zvgvi Lvivc jvMQ bv? fvweB Kej; ejv nq bv| wbNyg ZvwKq _vwK wbKl AKvi| wbwYgl, wbtk| 6. mgxZi IB AveMceY K_vjv b Gm weQvbvq q AbKY ai Ku`Q ivRx| wbtk, fq fq| fq hw` Avevi BdZLvii Nyg fO hvq! Gevi Avi weiwi K_v fe bq, fq nQ hw` wRm Ki Zvi Kvbvi K_v! m wK Di è? mgxZi K_vjv wK BdZLviK ejv hvq? bv, hvq bv| ivRx fe LB cvQ bv wK A_ IB K_vjvi, Zvi bvg wjL wjL IB Nijv evbvbvi! Zvi fq nQ G-wK cgi fvlv? Zvi Rxeb wK Avevi cg Gjv? mgxZ wK Zvi cg coQ? m Avi fveZ cviQ bv hw` mwZ ZvB nq, Zvnj G h Kx KwVb msKU WK Avbe fvev hvq bv| ivRx AbKY ai Kuv`, GBme bvbv fvebvq Avv nq, Zvici GKUz mywi nj Zvi VuvU GK wPjZ nvwm dzU IV| PvL fm IV AbKjv QvU QvU Ni, cwZwUZ Zvi bvg jLv| Gevi m-I gZ IV Ni evbvbvi Ljvq Kbvq AbKjv Ni cwZwUZ mgxZi bvg jLv|
Avei, 2001 fvi I mviv bvgQ e`bvq
kixii M
Awdm _K Kv-kv nq divi ci ek wKQyY wSg gi em _vKvi Afvm gvneyei| GB mgq Kvbv K_v ejZ fvjv jvM bv, Kviv K_v bZI fvjv jvM bv| cvq GKhyM ai PvKwi KiQ m, Zey Awdm evcviUvB Zvi KvQ GK wefxwlKv| mKvj hvIqvi mgq Avi mvq divi ci Zvi gRvR Pov nq _vK hwÌ mUv cKvk Ki bv, Kej Zvi Mxi nq em _vKv `L mUv evSv hvq| Avi ivMUv KieB ev Kvi Ici? PvKwi KiZ nQ GRb Zv KvDK `vqx Kiv Pj bv, eoRvi wbRi Ici iM _vKv hvq| mUvI Aek Zvi wbRi KvQ hywmZ ej gb nq bv| covkvbv kl Kivi ci m cvq eQi wZbK GKiKg eKvi wQjv mB mgqUv wQjv `ytmn| klw`K Gm m GKevi fO cowQjv, wbRi Ici Avv nvwiq djwQjv, AvZwekvm Gm ùvwoqwQjv k~bi KvVvq| mB wefxwlKvgq `ytmgqi Pq GB hYv AbK ewk mnbxq| m ZvB Amnvq eva Ki, wKQyB Kivi bB GB cwivYnxb ew``kv _K gyw cvevi Rb| cwZw`bi mB GKB iwUb, GKB KvRKg, GKB jvKRb ZvK Kvwi kl mxgvq wbq GmQ| GKK mgq GmewKQy Qo w`q ebRj Pj hZ BQ Ki, mUv me bv nj AZc wcZf~wg Mvg Zv hvIqv hvq! Gjv wKQyB nevi bq, AZ Zvi c Gme me bq| GiKg wKQy Kivi Rb h Zxe gbvej cqvRb mUv Zvi bB GK_v m fvjv KiB Rvb| m ZvB Amnvqi gZv GB kKje`x RxebKB gb wbqQ| Zvi GB AyZ hYvi K_vwU wkDjx, Zvi x, bv eySjI GUzKz evS h, GZw`bI gvneye wVK PvKwi evcviUvi m wbRK Lvc LvIqvZ cviwb| evS GUvI h, Awdm hvIqvi mgq Avi divi ci Zvi gRvR G KviYB Lye Pov _vK| weqi ci ci G `yUv mgq mveavb _vKjI GLb Avi AZvUv Kqvi Ki bv wkDjx, eis evcviUvK gvneyei ^fvei Ask wnme ^vfvweKfveB gb wbqQ| hvIqvi mgq evRvii d` awiq `qv Avi Avmvi ci ciB K_vi Suvwc Lyj emvUv Zvi Rb wbqwgZ evcvi nq ùvwoqQ| wei njI gvneye Aek wkDjxK Zv ej bv| ePvwi mvivw`b GKv GKv _vK, K_v ejvi GKRb gvbyl bB evmvq, Kej AvovB eQii evPvUv Qvov Ii m Zv
Avi M Kiv hvq bv! GB mgmvUv mgvavbi AhvM| gv-evev bB, weqi AvM evbi evmvq _vKZv gvneye, Zvici Avjv`v evmvq bqvq wkDjxi GKv _vKvUv Awbevh nq ùvwoqQ| GgbwK wek GKRb KvRi gvbylI cvIqv `yi, cjI ewkw`b _vKZ Pvq bv| A_P GLb GKRb KvRi gvbyl LyeB ìKvi| evPvUvK mvgjvZB wkDjx wngwkg Lq hvQ IiI Zv GKRb Ljvi mx ìKvi, mvivw`b gv Qvov Avi KvDK cvq bv ej gv-B Zvi mewYK Ljvi mx| ZvQvov evmvi GZ GZ KvR ivbvevbv, Ni MvQvbv, KvcoPvci avqv wkDjxi mwZB Lye K nQ| Gi ga Avevi wZxqevii gZv Kbwmf KiQ I| GB mgq hZUv wekvg cqvRb, Zvi wmwKfvMI cvq bv wkDjx| GB Aevq Kx h Kiv hvq gvneye feB cvQ bv| Ggb Kvbv AvZxq^RbI bB hvK KvQ Gb ivLv hvq meviB Zv Ni msmvi AvQ, Zvi msmvi `Lvkvbv Kivi gZv mgq ei Kie K? KvRi gvbylI m LuyRQ nb nq mg AvZxq^Rb-ezeve-mnKgxì ej iLQ m| wK Kx h njv `kUvi, GZ GZ Mixe gvbyl A_P KvRi jvK cvIqv hvq bv! Zv, AvRK divi ci wkDjx h ek DwRZ fwZB LeiUv Rvbvjv, ZvZ AevK nevi wKQy bB| ejjv kvbv, QvU Lvjv AvRK GKUv gqK wbq GmwQjv! gq! Kvb gq? KvRi gq| I, ZvB bvwK? wbq GmwQjv gvb wK, Avevi diZ wbq MQ? wbq hvqwb, AvwgB diZ cvwVqwQ| Kb? Zvgvi kixii GB Aev, GKUv KvRi jvK KZv ìKvi! diZ cvVvj Kb? mgmv AvQ| mgmv! wK mgmv? gqUvi eqm A, gvb ZiYx| ZvZ mgmvUv wK? Lye myìxI| ZvZB ev mgmv wK? Zzwg eySZ cviQv bv, gqUv LyeB myìx| eySjvg LyeB myìx, ZvZ mgmv wK mUv Zv eySZ cviwQ bv|
wkDjx Mxi Mjvq ejjv gqiv Kbwmf Kij ^vgxì gwZMwZi wVK _vK bv| GBiKg mgq Ggb myìx mvg KvRi gq iL wec` WK Avbev bvwK? gvneye nv nv Ki nm djjv fvjvB ejQ| GLb BqvwK iL LvjvK dvb Ki, gqUvK iL hvK| Zvgvi AvMnUv GKUz ewk gb nQ! wkDjxi Mjvq m`n Ui cqI gvneye nvwmgyLB ejjv dvRjvgv Kiv bv Zv! LvjvK dvb Ki, hvI... dvRjvgv KiwQ bv Zv! my`kb cyilì ^fvePwi fvjv nq bv, Zzwg Zv my`kbB... myìx gqìI ^fvePwi fvjv nq bv, ZzwgI Zv myìxB... AvB, evR K_v eje bv! I, Avwg ejjB `vl| Zzwg h ejQv! ewj wK Avi mva! hyeZx gqì `LjB Zzwg hfve Iì eyKi w`K ZvwKq _vKv! Zv _vwK| IUv Zv ZvwKq `Lvi gZvB wRwbm! Zvnj! Nii ga mvg myìx KvRi gq _vKj h Zvi w`KI ZvKve bv Zvi wbqZv wK? wbqZv w`wQ, ZvKvev| Ze Avi wKQy Kiev bv| f`Zvi LvwZiI Zv ejZ cviZ ZvKve bv! Zvgvi mv_ f`Zv KiZ ne! Zzwg bv Avgvi mvbveD! _vK Avi Avnv` KiZ ne bv| GBme K_vevZv kl gqUv, cvij, envj nq Mjv Zvì evmvq| GZ wkDjxi myweav njv Lye| gqUv KvR-Kg cUz Ges AvwiK| `y-w`bB me eyS wbjv| GLb Avi wKQy eywSq w`Z nq bv IK, wbRB me Ki dj, KvRi duvK evPvUvK wbq LjvayjvI Ki| wkDjxK cvq Kvbv KvRB KiZ `q bv| gqUvK wkDjx cQÌ Ki Lye, hwÌ BZvgaB Ii `yUv LuyZ Avwevi Ki djQ m| gqUvi gv_vq mvgvb mgmv AvQ ej wkDjxi aviYv| cvq mvivw`bB K_v ej I, wkDjxi m, mvwKei m, KLbv KLbv GKv GKvB| K_v Qvov _vKZB cvi bv, Ze gvneye evmvq _vKvi mgqUzKzZ PzcPvc nq hvq| wZxqwU njv Mvmj KiZ AwZwi mgq bq cvij| cvq cwZw`bB wKQy KvcoPvci Rg avqvi Rb, mjv ayq Mvmj mi eivZ
wbqB `y-AvovB Nv mgq jvMvi K_v bq! wK cviji jvM| gvS gvS wei njI wkDjx Aek wKQy ej bv, gqUv KvRKg fvjv, Nii gvbyli gZv mevi hZ bq GUzKz gb bv wbj Pje Kb! c_g KqKw`b gvneyei w`K Lye PvL iLwQjv wkDjx| wK Lvivc wKQy PvL cowb ej GLb Avi Ime wbq gv_v Nvgvq bv Dv cvijK wbq gvneyeK LcvZ Pv Ki| ej gqUv Kx myì `LQ! Avgvi PqI myì, ZvB bv! AvQv mwZ Ki ejv Zv, Zvgvi BQ wUQ nq bv? wkDjxi m`nceY ^fve gvneye gb wbqQ| weqi ci _KB GB hYv ZvK mn KiZ nQ| Ze cvij h mwZB icmx, GKUz evovevwo iKgi icmx, gvneye mUv wkDjxi KvQ ^xKvi Ki wbqQ| GiKg myìx GKUv gqK Kvbv ^vgxi c evwo _K wKfve ei Ki `qv me gvneye mUv feB cvq bv| wkDjxi KvQ _K kvbv èii m Aea mKi AwfhvM Gb cvijK evwo _K Zvwoq w`qQ Ii ^vgx| I evcviUv A^xKvi KijI wkDjxi aviYv cviji ^vgxi m`n GKevi Ag~jK bq| KviY, evwoi K_v DVj cvij hZUv bv Zvi ^vgxi K_v ej ZviPq AbK ewk ej Ii èii K_v| èii mewKQyB Zvi fvjv jvM, GgbwK GKw`b G K_vI ejwQjv Zvi Mvqi MUv bvwK Lye myì| G K_vi gvb wK? cyilì kixii M Ui cvq Kej Zvì xiv, hgb Kvbv gqi kixii M Kgb mUv Kej Zvi ^vgxB Rvb, cvij Zvnj èii Mvqi M Ui cjv wKfve? hvnvK, ILvb hv nevi nqQ, GLvb wKQy bv NUjB njv wkDjx ay GUzKzB Pvq| gvneyeK m ivMvq eU Ges gvneye iM Mj m LywkB nq| GKw`b gvneye iM wMq ejwQjv evcviUv Dv Ki fe `vLv| gb Ki cviji e`j Avgvì evmvq GKUv hyeK KvRi Qj AvQ| m ZvK wbq Avwg hw` ZvgvK m`n KiZvg... wQ| Zzwg GBme wK ejQv! wQ| GLb wQ wQ KiQv Kb? AvgvK h gvMZ ej hvQv! kvbv, cyil gvbylì Kvbv iwP bB, AvQ iwP-weKvi| KvRi gqì m KZvì mK wK bZzb Kvbv welq? DvUv KLbv bQ Zzwg? ZvB ej evcviUvK Ggb RbvivjvBR Ki dje? me GiKg NU bvwK? Zv NU bv| AvQv hvI, ZvgvK Avi G wbq wKQy ejev bv|
wK wkDjxi gbUv LuyZLuyZ KiZB _vK| cvijK Qvwoq `qvUvI KwVb| GLb kixii h Aev, GZ KvR wkDjxi c mvgjvbv meB bq| ZvQvov cviji KgcUzZvi KviYB m GLb AbKLvwb Zvi Ici wbfikxj nq coQ| Gw`K cmei w`bY hZB GwMq AvmQ, wkDjx bZzb `ywvq Awi nq hvQ| nvmcvZvj _vKvi w`bjvZ gvneye Avi cvij GKm GB evmvq _vKe, ZLb hw` wKQy NU hvq! wVK GgbB GKwU mgq eRcvZi gZv GKUv NUbv NU| cvij GKw`b K_vq K_vq ej dj fvex, Avcbi fvMUv Lye fvjv| Kbi cvij, GZw`b ci Zvi GB K_v gb njv Kb? bv, gb nBQ AvMB, KB bvB... Kb gb nqQ mUv ej| fvBRvbi kixji M` Lye myì, ZvB bv fvex? wkDjxi gv_vq AvKvk fO co| gqUv ejQ Kx! gvneyei Mvqi M I cjv KvK? wKQy wK Gi gaB NU MQ? KLb NUjv, wKfve NUjv? wkDjx PuwPq IV ZzB Rvbwj wKfve? ej, ZzB wKfve Rvbwj? Rvwb, Avwg Rvwb cvij inmgqxi gZv wgwUwgwU nvm| nvwmm bv nvivgRvw`, ej ZzB wKfve Rvbwj? Kvb, cZKw`b h fvBRvbi KvcoPvci ayB, Avwg mBjv BKv `wL... Kx h myì M`... ayBZ BQv Ki bv... gb jq nvZ wbqv mvivRxeb eBmv _vwK...|
wbQK cgi M
Ggb nVvr Ki `Lv nq hve, fveZI cvwiwb| `~ej jLKì M-Dcbvm ev Uwjwfkbi mv bvUK ev MuvRvLywo wmbgvq GgbwU NU| eve KLbvB bq| AZ Avgvi Rxeb Zv bqB| Avwg GKevi hvìK nvwiq djwQ Zvì m Avi KLbv wdi `Lv nqwb| eve hnZz nq bv, Avgvi MI ZvB GgbwU NU bv| hP co LvgvLv wbRK `~ej jLKì mvwiZ K-B ev ùvo KivZ Pvq? hvnvK, Avmj Lye mv`vgvUv wbivwgl Rxeb Avgvi, mvicvBRi Kvbv evcviB bB GLvb| ewikvj hvevi Rb wgvi DV gbqxi m `Lv nq hve, GgbwU ZvB my`~i KbvqI Avmwb| gbqx! PgK Mjb, cvVK? fveQb, GK`g ivwe`xK bvg! AvwgI ZvB fveZvg GKmgq, ci gb nqQ gbqx Qvov Ii bvg Ab wKQy nevi myhvMB wQjv bv| wgvi DV, A^xKvi Kiev bv, gbqxi K_v Avgvi gb cowQjv| gb Aek memgqB co, wK Gevi weklfve gb covi KviY nqZv GB h, I ewikvjiB gq| gb nwQjv Avwg gbqxi evwoZ hvwQ, hLvb Gi AvM KLbvB hvIqvi myhvM NUwb| mwZ ejZ wK, Iì evwoZ hvIqv Zv `~ii K_v, Avwg KLbv ewikvjB hvBwb| GUvB c_g hvIqv, Zv-I wbZvB `vq co Awdmi KvR| wK bv Mj Kx ne, mB w`bjvZ GKhyMiI ewk mgq AvMi w`bjvi K_v ejwQ ewikvji mewKQyB fvjv jvMZv Avgvi| ewikvji KxbLvjv ev avbwmuwo b`xi bvg b Avgvi gbUv Ki DVZv| gb nZv Rxebvb` Zv ewikvjB Rbveb, cKwZ ZuvK AvMB cvwVqQ gbqxi Rb wfwf~wg Zwi Kivi KvR! mìNvU wMq ewikvjMvgx j-wgvii w`K ZvwKq _vKZvg, gb nZv Avnv Iiv Kx mfvMevb, Iì RbB nqQ ewikvj hvevi Rb! gbqxi Kcvj Qv Kvjv wUcUvi w`K ZvKvj gb nZv gvbyl bv nq hw` IB wUc nZ cviZvg, Zvnj IB wUcRxebB AbK ewk mv_K nZv! GBiKg Aviv KZv Kx! AveMi ZxeZv wK evSv hvQ, cvVK? nuv, Ii evcvi Avwg mwZB Agb AveMceY wQjvg| Avevi fveeb bv h, gbqx Avgvi wUb-GR cg| gvvm cixvi AvM AvM Ii m cwiPq nqwQjv Avgvi| ZZvw`b KkvwiK AveMi eqm cwiq GmwQ, AbK gqi m NyiwQ-wdiwQ, gqezI nqQ wKQy, cgI cowQ `y-Pvievi| Kkvi gqì evcvi h Zxe KZnj wQjv, ZZvw`b mwU wdK nZ
Rvbyqvwi, 2005|
i KiQ| Lye ewkw`b vqx nZ cviwb GB mK| wK ZvZ wK! IK c_g `Lvq fvjv jMwQjv, wZxq `Lvq hP co cwiwPZ nqwQjvg, ZZxq w`bB gb nqwQjv GB gqwUKB Avwg mvivRxeb ai LuyRwQ| A_vr h K_vwU Avi Kvbvw`b Kviv evcvi gb nqwb, gbqxi evcvi mwUB gb nqwQjv| Avi mRbB Ii m mKwU Ab me mKK Qvwoq wMqwQjv| gb co Kvbv GK LivZ Pi `ycyi KvRb nji evjKwbZ nuvUZ nuvUZ Avi Ii m K_v ejZ ejZ AvKvk gN Nwbq GmwQjv| Avi GKmgq ASviavivq bg GmwQjv ew| `xN Livi ci c_g ew, Ii PvLgyL GK ARvbv welYZv, ewgvLv cej nvIqv Ii Pzjjv Dwoq Gb Avgvi PvLgyL djwQjv Avi I wQjv cnxb| mw`bB I AvgvK c_gevii gZv cvq wbRi ARv Zzwg ej m^vab KiwQjv| Avi Avwg eyS wbqwQjvg, GZw`b gbqx Avgvi Avnvb mvov w`qQ| IK ejv nqwb fvjvevwm, m-I ejwb| Avgvì mgq AZv ejv-KIqvi Pj wQjv bv, AbKwKQy BwZ-AvPiY eyS wbZ nZv| hgb, GLbKvi gZv cwiPqi iZB Zzwg Ki ejvi Pj wQjv bv Avgvì, Avcwb _K ZzwgZ cuQZ AbKLvwb mgq jvMZv| c_gevi Zzwg ejvi ga h Kx mvsNvwZK ivgv I ivgvwUKZv wQjv mwU ej evSvbv hve bv| ay ZvB bq, Kvbv gq hw` GKevi Avcwb _K ZzwgZ cuQZv Zvnj Zvi gyL dzU Avi wKQy ejZ nZv bv, Abc eyS wbZv| hvnvK, Avwg ZLb RvbZvg bv, IUvB Ii m Avgvi kl `Lv| mw`bB Ii evev Gm cvq webv bvwUm IK evwoZ wbq wMqwQjb| evcviUv GZB AvKwK wQjv h, I AvgvK ej hvevi myhvMB cvqwb| Ii GK evexi kxjv KvQ ej wMqwQjv, Ii gv bvwK Lye Amy, ZvB nVvr Ki hZ nQ, AvgvK hb Rvbvq| ZLbv evsjv`k gvevBj dvb Avmwb h, hLb-ZLb hvMvhvM Kiv hve| ZvQvov `y-Rb _vKZvg `yB nj| gqì njjvZ ZLb Avevi mv-AvBb Pvjy wQjv, A_vr mv mvZUvi ga nj XyK hZ nZv| Gici GKgv gZz Qvov A_ev Abygvw`Z AwffveKi DcwwZ Qvov eivevi Kvbv DcvqB wQjv bv| Lye ewkw`b AvMi K_v bq, gv eQi cbi AvMI Lv` XvKv BDwbfvwmwUZB GB AvBb Rvwi wQjv| GLbKvi Qjgqì KvQ Gme Zv MuvRvLywo M ej gb ne! gv ò `kKB hyM-wefvRb NU MQ, GLbKvi Qjgì `vl w`q jvf wK? hvnvK, gbqx mB h Mjv, Avi wdijv bv| Avwg Acv Kwi, kxjvi KvQ wMq wRm Kwi, m-I wKQy ejZ cvi bv| GKUv wPwV h wjLev ZviI
Dcvq bB| Ii ewikvji wVKvbv ev dvb bî wRm Kwiwb KLbv, Kivi K_v gbI Avmwb| kxjvi evwoI ewikvj, m-I gbqxi evwoi wVKvbv ejZ cvijv bv| hvnvK, Aekl Cì QywUZ evwo hvevi mgq Avwg kxjvi KvQ GKUv wPwV w`q w`jvg gbqxK cuQ èvi Rb| mB wPwVZ Avwg gbqxK w`hwQjvg Avgvi mKj Avb`-e`bvi fvi Avi AvgvK cvovevi gvnbxq AwaKvi| QywU kl kxjv wdi Gjv, gbqx Gjv bv, Avgvi wPwVi Kvbv DiI Gjv bv| kxjvI hb GKUz Gwoq PjZ jvMjv AvgvK, gbqxi K_v wRm Kij ejZ PvBZv bv, G-K_v I-K_v ej Gwoq hZ| AbK Pv-Pwii ci Rvbjvg, gbqxi gv-i Kvvi nqQ, gqi weq `qvi Rb wZwb Awi nq MQb, Rvikvi cv `Lv PjQ| ZviI wKQyw`b ci Rvbjvg gbqxi weq nq MQ| AZtci cgi mgvw| GB nQ M| wbZvB mv`vgvUv| wK evcviUv Avmj GZ mij bq| GZ mnR wK cgi Mi mgvw nq? nq bv| AZ Avgvi nqwb| nj Zv GB M jLvi ìKviB coZv bv| ìKvi coQ, KviY, eyKUv fxlY fvwi nq AvQ, M wjL GB fvi LvwbKUv KgvZ ne| G Avgvi GK wewP ^fve| KvbvwKQy wbq Lye hYv fvM KiZ _vKj GKUv M wjL djvi Pv Kwi, wjL djZ cvij hYvi jvNe nq AbKLvwb| GB wbq Avgvi eD cvqB AvgvK cvq, ej hYv Zv Zvgvi Mi LvivK, Zvgvi hYvB cvIqv DwPZ| mUv wbq Zv Avi ewkw`b fyMZ ne bv, Dcwi cvIbv wnme GKUv M nq hve! wbRi hYv jvNei Rb wjwL ej Avgvi M bvwK RbRxebi hYvi K_v Avm bv, me bvwK gvogvo M GB AwfhvMI Avgvi eDqi| ePvwi! weqi AvM evgcx ivRbxwZ KiZv, Avgvi cMwZkxj wPvq gy nqB bvwK Avgvi cwZ AvK nqwQjv! AvM evSwb, jLKiv kl ch wbRi KvQB ew`, wbRi KvQB `vqe! nZvk nq m AvgvK Qo w`qQ, Aek msmvi mvgjvZ wMq ivRbxwZUvI QoQ m| Ze ^xKvi Ki wbB, Avvgvi eD AvgvK hYv `q bv| LyeB fvjv GKUv gqK Rxebmx wnme cqwQ Avwg| Zv, GZw`b ci gbqxi m `Lv nIqvi ci mB cyibv Keva, Awfgvb, Acvi hYv me GKm gv_vPvov w`q DVjv| fvwewb, Gfve `Lv nq hve| Avwg wmv wbqwQjvg, wgvi DV Kweb _K Avi eivev bv| q q wKQyY eB coev, Zvici Lq`q j^v GKUv Nyg| Rvwb Avgvi fvjv jvM bv, memgq gb nZ _vK KZvY GB c_ kl ne! Rjc_i RvwbZ Aek AZvUv K nq bv, knxb Rvwb Zv, Nyg nq fvjv| wK
cwiKbv mdj njv bv| Kweb em emB `Ljvg weKji Avjv gyQ AvmQ, ZLb Avi fZi em _vKZ cvijvg bv| wgvi ZZvY eywoMv Qo kxZjvq cek KiQ| Avwg iwjs-G fi w`q GKUz SuK ùvovjvg| y weKji Avjv gyQ wMq AvKvk I cw_ex Ryo GLb Kb-`Lv-Avjv| GB AvjvZ mg cw_exi iOB cv hvq| Avi b`xi eyK ùvwoq weKji gZz, Kb-`Lv-Avjv Avi Nbvqgvb mv `Lvi AwfZvUv wVK eYbvhvM bq| KD hw` `kwU bv `L _vKb Zvnj wZbkv cv eYbv w`qI ZvK mwU evSvbv hve bv| gvbyl Avmj ZLb wbRi ga _vK bv, _vK Ab Kv_vI, Ab KvbvLvb| nqZv mRbB GB duvK Avgvi cvk Gm h KD ùvwoqQ mwU UiB cvBwb| AbKY SuyK ùvwoq _K K nwQjv ej mvRv nq ùvovZB `Ljvg, Avgvi cvk gbqx ùvovbv! wekvm Kwiwb| fewQ, weg| IB h, Ab Kv_vI wQjvg ZviB KwUwbDqkb! wK I hLb wRm Kijv Kgb AvQb ZLb mwZ gb njv Avi Avg~j PgK DVjvg| Ges ^fvegZv mwU ZvK eySZ w`jvg bv| Kgb AvQb, ejjb bv Zv! GB Zv! Zzwg Kgb AvQv? GB Zv, fvjv-g` wgwjq| Gici wK ejev? GZw`b ci Ggb AcZvwkZfve GKmgqi cwgKvi m `Lv nq Mj Kx-B ev ejvi _vK? Aek I-B Dvi Kijv Kv_vq hvQb? ewikvj| KvR, bv eovZ? KvR| Avgvi Zv eovevi RvqMv bB| K-w`b _vKeb? wZb-Pviw`b| Zzwg? evwoZ hvwQ| evev Amy| I| GKv? nuv| ei Kv_vq? I QywU cvqwb| evi hve| Qjgq? Iì j Lvjv, Iì evevi mv_ hve| z
fq jvM bv? fq! GB h GKv GKv hvQ! bvn! Afm nq MQ Zv! KZvevi hvIqv Avmv KiwQ! Avwg K_v LuyR cvB bv| weqi avv KvUwb GLbv| Awfgvb Gm Mjvi KvQ Rov nqQ hb, mnR K_v ejZ cviwQ bv| wK Ii ga Gmei wKQy bB| Kx mnR, ^vfvweK! hb cwZwbqZB `Lv nQ Avgvì! hb Kvbv ARvbv Aavq bB Avgvì Rxeb, hb cwZkwZ fi e`bvq Kvbv Kvjv `vM cowb cyibv mK| Aek, Avcbviv ejZ cvib (Avgvi eDI ej, I Avevi GmewKQyB Rvb Kx bv!) gbqx Zv AvgvK AvbyvwbK cwZkwZ `qwb KLbv| wK cgB Zv GK AwjwLZ cwZkwZ, nvZ nvZ ai ejZB ne GB h cwZkwZ w`jvg Ggb Zv Kvbv K_v bB! Avi ZvQvov, Avgvì mKwU nvZ aivi chvq ch cuQvqIwb KLbv| Zvnj? Ii wK DwPZ wQjv bv AvgvK Rvbvbvi? GZw`b GZ Zxefve K_vjv gb bv njI GLb ckjv RM DVQ| mwZ ejZ wK, MZ cbi eQi Ii cwZ AwfhvMAwfgvb xY nZ nZ cvq wejxb nq wMqwQjv, RM wQjv gayi wKQy gyn~Z| Avgvi memgq gb nq gvbyl Avmj mK wbq euvP bv, euvP mKi wZ wbq| AvwgI Ii m mKi wZ wbq euP AvwQ| weq KiQb? I-B Avevi wRm Ki| nuv| Qjgq? GK Qj| KZv eo njv? GB Zv 4/5 eQi| G Avevi Kgb K_v! nq 4, bv nq 5| wbRi Qji eqm Rvbb bv? bv Rvwb bv| ZvZ wK Zvgvi Kvbv Amyweav nQ? Ggb Zv bq h, Avgvi Qj gvb Zvgvi QjI! ejZ wMqI _g hvB| ivM `wLq jvf wK, Avwg ZvB Pzc KiB _vwK| Avmj eD-evPv-msmvi Gme wbq K_v ejZ ev bZ fvjv jvMQ bv| iwjs ai `~i ZvwKq _vwK| AKvi nq GmQ, wK b`xi eyK Pc emZ cviQ bv| meZ AvKvk Puv`, GLvb _K `Lv hvQ bv hwÌ, wK RvQbvi Avfvm `L evSv hvQ| Rvwb, fveQb `~ej jLKì gZv AvwgI cgi M Puv` DwVq djjvg| bvi fvB, Avwg
DVvBwb| mwZ mwZ DVQ, mwZB DVj Avgvi wK Kivi AvQ? jLKìK Avcbviv GZ m`ni PvL `Lb Kb? ùvwoqB _vKeb, bv emeb? eySZ cviwQ gbqx K_v Pvwjq hZ BQyK| BQ AvgviI KiQ, wK cviwQ bv| cki Di bv cqI LuyRcZ emvi RvqMv ei Ki gbqx| GLbKvi wgvijv AwfRvZ nq DVQ, hvxì wekl Ki Kwebi hvxì Rb PgrKvi me myhvM-myweavi eev KiQ| WK-G gyLvgywL emvi Rb Rvovq Rvovq PqviI cZ iLQ| ZviB GK Rvovq wMq `yRb gyLvgywL emjvg| Avcwb GK`gB Pzc Ki AvQb| Avgvi mv_ K_v ejZ BQ KiQ bv? Kie bv Kb? Zvnj GZ PzcPvc h! AvM Zv Ggb wQjb bv! Avwg eiveiB Kg K_v ewj| Avgvi mv_ wK AbK K_v ejZb| nuv, aygv Zvgvi mB| Zvnj GLb ejQb bv Kb? Avwg mvRvmywR Ii PvLi w`K ZvwKq KwVb Mjvq ewj `vLv, Zvgvi m Avgvi wKQy AgxgvswmZ welq iq MQ| mjv cwivi bv nj ay KvUwm Ki K_v Pvwjq hvIqv Avgvi c me bq| Rxeb Zv KZvjv AgxgvswmZ welqiB mgw K_vUv GKmgq Avcbvi KvQB bwQjvg| hvnvK, AvwgI welqjv wbq K_v ejZ PvB| ejv| Avcwb wRm Kib| Avgvi GKwUB ck| hv wKQy NU MQ, Zzwg h wmv wbqQ ev wbZ eva nqQ, mme wbq Avgvi Kvbv ck bB, ay GKwUgv ck| wK ck? Zzwg AvgvK wKQy Rvbvj bv Kb? Rvbvbvi myhvM cvBwb| gv-i AmyZvi Lei cq nVvr Pj hZ njv| wMq Ggb GK Aevi ga cojvg hUv wbqY Kivi gZv Avgvi wQjv bv| gv Avgvi weqi Rb Awi nq DVQb, evev cv `LQb Gmei wKQyB Avgvi Rvbv wQjv bv| gv-i e Kvvi nqwQjv, IB mgqUvq Zvi Aev gvMZ Lvivci w`K hvwQjv, wK K_vUv KvDK ejvi gZv Aev wQjv bv| Avgvi weqi Rb gv-i GZ AwiZv wQjv Kb Rvbb? KviY, gvqi e Kvvi nj
gqiI nq GiKg GKUv aviYv GLb ch Avgvì mgvR Pvjy AvQ| gv-i LeiUv RvbvRvwb nq Mj Avgvi Avi weqB ne bv, GB Rb GZ jyKvPzwi| Gw`K wPwKrmvi Afve gwnjv giZ emQb! Zv AevUv ZLb GZUvB cwZKj Pj Mjv h, Avcbvi K_v gv-evevK ejviB mvnm cvwQjvg bv| Avi ejevB ev Kvb fimvq? Avcbvi gyL Zv Kvbvw`b weq-msmvi GBme cm wKQy wbwb| mme ejvi gZv mK wK Zwi nqwQjv Avgvì? Avwg wK mB mgqUzKz cqwQjvg? bv| nZ cviZv, nqwb| mRb Avwg AvcbvK `vqx KiwQ bv| `vqUv AvgviB| AvwgB ewk mgq wbq djwQjvg| Kb wbqwQj? mUvI ejev| Zvi AvM IB cmUv kl Kwi| Avwg IB mgq AZ GKwUevii Rb XvKvq AvmZ PqwQjvg, aygv Avcbvi m K_v ejvi Rb| evev AvmZ `bwb| Rvi Ki Avmvi gZv cwiwwZI wQjv bv| Zv, ZLb GKevi kxjv wMqwQjv Avgvì evwoZ| wK I AvgvK ejBwb h, Avcbvi mv_ Ii `Lv nqQ ev Avcwb wPwV w`qQb| Avgvi AwfgvbI nqwQjv Lye, Avwg Avcbvi KvQ _K GKUv wPwV Avkv KiwQjvg| wK kxjv ZvgvK wPwVUv `qwb Kb? Ii GB AvPiYi gvb wK? mUv ZLb RvbZvg bv| weqi AbKw`b ci I GKw`b Avgvi evmvq wMq ejwQjv Avwg nqZv fyj KiwQ, wK Zvi Agj Kvgbv Kwiwb| IB cwiwwZZ ZvK wPwVUv w`j ZzB wec` cowZ| weqZ ivwRI nZ cviwZ bv| Iw`K Kvgvj fvBqiI Kvbv wVKwVKvbv bB h ZvK weq Ki Ni Zzje! wK GB wPwVUvi fvi Avwg Avi eBZ cviwQ bv| Zvi wPwV ZvKB w`Z Gjvg| weqi ci ^vgx-msmvi-kievwo-gvqi gZz GB mewKQy wgwjq AvcbvK cvq fyjB hvwQjvg| gb nwQjv hv nqQ fvjvB nqQ, GiPq ewkwKQy cvIqvi K_v wQjv bv Avgvi| wK IB wPwVUv co mewKQy IjvUcvjU nq Mjv| gb njv, mewKQy A^xKvi Ki Avcbvi KvQ Pj bv wMq weivU Aciva KiwQ| Avgvi mB Acivaeva GLbv Kgwb| GLb Zv cyivcywi msmvix, ^vgx-mvb, Zey memgq gb nq AvcbvK Avwg VwKqwQ| bv, VKvbvi ck bq| Avgvi IB GKUvB ck wQjv| Di cq MwQ| AviKUv ck KiZ cvwi? gbqx nvmjv Lye KvUwm KiQb h!
Zvgvi gv-i Aev Zzwg AvM _KB RvbZ, mUv AvgvK RvbvIwb Kb Zv-I ejj| wK Avgvi evcvi wmv wbZ Zzwg GZLvwb mgq wbqwQj Kb? Zvi KviY wQjv| Avcbvi bvg Kvvm AbK AvRevR K_v Qovbv wQjv| GiKg GKRb gvbylK Rxebmx wnme eQ bqvi evcvi h Kvbv gqB AbK mgq be, KD KD nqZv c_g weePbvZB ev` w`q è| AvRevR K_v! Avgvi bvg! wK iKg? Avgvi mvsNvwZK-iKg weqeva njv| GB hgb, Avcwb bkvUkv Kib... wK Avwg Zv KLbv bkv Kwiwb| bkv wVK bq| gÙ` Lvb... Zv LZvg Aek| myhvM cj, gvS gvS| wbqwgZ bq| wK bkv Kiv ejZ hv evSvq, A_vr AvwWKkb, mUv Avgvi KLbv wQjv bv| ivR ivR g` LvIqvi gZv cqmvB Zv wQjv bv| cwZw`b Lvb bvwK gvS gvS Lvb, mUv Zv ck bq| welqUv Avvgi Rb Lye wechqKi wQjv| g` LvIqv wbq Avgvi ga GKUv AhwK fxwZ Avi AvZsK wQjv| g` LvIqv jvKI h fvjv nZ cvi, mB aviYvB Avgvi wQjv bv| evSbB Zv, gd^ji gawe GKUv gqi c Gme msvi KvwUq IVv KZv Ki! GLb KUQ? nuv| bv KU Dcvq AvQ? Avgvi ei Zv wbqwgZB Lvq| Zzwg wKQy ejv bv? bvn| ejjI be bv| ZvB Svgjv bv evwoq gb wbqwQ| msmvi KiZ Mj gqìK AbKwKQy gb wbZ nq| ay gqìK bq gvWvg, QjìKI AbK wKQy gb wbqB msmvi KiZ nq| Avgvi Mjvq nqZv mnR fwwU Ui cq nm djjv gbqx| eDK Lye gb Pjb eywS! Zv Zv PjZB nq... MUv wVK GB ch jLvi ci n` nq eD Gjv GB wKQy UvKv `vI Zv| UvKv! wKmi UvKv!
wKmi UvKv Avevi, KvMRi UvKv! BqvwK Kiv bv| nVvr Ki UvKv PvQv Kb? nVvr Ki PvBjvg Kv_vq? Ni evRvi ejZ wKQy bB| Zzwg Zv cw_exi miv Ajm, AvgvK GKUz evRviUv Zv Ki w`Z cviv! gvd Ki `vI| wK mw`bB bv GK nvRvi UvKv w`jvg, GZ ZvovZvwo kl nq Mjv? GK nvRvi UvKv! evRvi Zv hvI bv, Mj eySZ, GK nvRvi UvKvi evRvi Kij wZb-Pviw`bI Pj bv| msmviUv Zv Pvwjq wbZ ne! wK ejQv Zzwg? `kUv wK Rvcvb nq Mjv h, evMfiwZ UvKv wbq AaK evM evRvi wbq AvmZ ne! Aev Zvi PqI Lvivc Rbve| Iì Zey evM fiwZ Ki UvKv bqvi gZv AvQ| Avgvì Zv Zv-I bB| AvQv Zzwg wK wjLQv GZ gbvhvM w`q ejv Zv! M wjLwQ, cgi M| cgi M! mw`b bv `ytL Ki ejj, eyov nq hvQv, APbv ZiYxiv GLb Avi fvB ej WvK bv, AvsKj ej WvK! Zv AvsKji nVvr bZzb cg Rbvjv wKfve? bZzb cg bq gvWvg| cyibv cgB| gbqxK wbq M| mw`b `Lv njv Zv, gbUv fvwi nq AvQ, eySQ! M wjL bvwgq djZ PvwQ| Zzwg ek AvQv| M wjL gv_v _K bvwgq djQv| AvQv, GKUv M wjL evRviìUv GKUz bvwgq w`Z cviv bv! evR K_v ejv bv| M wjL Ime nq bv| bv-B ev njv, Zey Zv wjLZ cviv! gvbyl GZ mvdvi KiQ, mviv`ki gvbyl AvacU Lq w`b KvUvQ, Avi Zzwg wjLQv cgi M! gvbyli Rb Zvgvi Kvbv gvqv-ggZv bB? UvKv wbq GLvb _K fvMv Zv! Zvgvi jKPvi bZ BQ KiQ bv| Avgvi gyWUvB b Ki w`Qv! eD Avgvi w`K GKUv AwM`w nb Pj Mjv, wK AvgvK f KiZ cvijv bv| Avwg GLb gbqxZ AvwQ| Avwg hLb gbqxZ _vwK ZLb wKQyB AvgvK k Ki bv| AvcbvivB ejyb, M jLvi mgq Gme hYv mn nq? Mi m evRviìi mK wK? GBme wecexì mUv evSve K ejyb! hvnvK, gbqxi
M ejwQjvg, Avevi mLvbB div hvK| gbqx wRm KiwQjv eDK Lye gb Pwj Kx bv| Avi Avwg Di w`qwQjvg Zv Zv PjZB nq| Zvici wRm Kijvg Zv Avgvi bvg Avi wK AvRevR K_v bwQj? I nuv, GB welqwU wbq Avcbvi mv_ K_v ejvUvI Lye iZc~Y| GKUv Zv ejjvgB, Aviv AbK K_v... wK Avgvi bvg GZ K_v Qove Kb? K_v Qovq weLvZì bvg| Avwg Zv Zgb KD wQjvg bv| wQjb| weLvZB wQjb| hviv ivRbxwZ-UvRbxwZ KiZv Zvì evBi AvcwbB mePq weLvZ wQjb| Awekvm| bv, mwZ ejwQ| cwgwRs ivBUviiv, Kweiv Kvvm weLvZB _vK| Avcbvi jLvjwL, Rxeb-hvcb wbq AbK APbv QjgìKI K_v ejZ bwQ| Pbviv Zv ejZvB| Avcwb nqZv mUv RvbZb bv| wK evcviUv Avwg Ui cqwQjvg Avcbvi m cwiPqi ciciB| mKUv Abw`K hvIqvi AvMB AbKB wekl Ki Qjiv Gm Avcbvi bvg AvRevR K_v ej hZ| wK K_v? Avcwb bvwK mvivivZ cvK wMq Lvivc gqì m M Kib, Aviv Kx Kx Kib, knii me v-e`gvkì m bvwK Avcbvi ezZ! Avwg nv nv Ki nm DVjvg| nvmQb Kb? Ggwb| GgwbB nvmbwb, Kb nvmjb ejZ ne| AvQv ejev| Zvi AvM Zzwg ejv, Gme K_v Zzwg wekvm KiZ? Avwg wekvm-Awekvmi avi-KvQB hvBwb| GgbwK K_vjv mwZ Kx bv Zv-I hvPvB Ki `wLwb| Avgvi evSvcovUv wQjv Avgvi wbRi mv_B, Avcbvi mv_ bq| Avwg Gi mewKQyKB mwZ ai wbq fveZvg Avcbvi GB PwiwU Avgvi APbv, Avi h PwiwU Avwg wPbwQ, GB `yB wgwjq h Avcwb ZvK Avwg mvivRxeb ai wbtkZfve fvjvem hZ cviev Kx bv| Avgvi Rb welqUv mnR wQjv bv| msvijv Zv So djZ cvwiwb, mnR ne wKfve? wK Avcbvi AvKlY Dcv KivI me wQjv bv Avgvi c| IB RbB mgqwU wbqwQjvg|
kl ch wK wmv wbqwQj? mUv wK Avcwb evSbwb? kl hw`b `Lv njv, Avcwb wK evSbwb, Avwg Avcbvi KvQB GmwQ? nuv eySwQjvg| Avcwb wK ejbwb, Avgvi K_v b nvmjb Kb! nvmjvg... Zzwg hv bwQj meB mwZ, Ze GKUz UzB nq Zvgvi Kvb MQ| Avwg mwZB gvS gvS g` LZvg, cvK wMq mvivivZ ai wbwkKbvì mv_ M KiZvg... wbwkKbv bvgUvI Avcbvi `qv, ZvB bv? Avcwb KLbv Avcbvi jLvq cwZZv, ekv GBme k eenvi Kib bv| gyLI ejb bv! nuv, AvgviB `qv| Zv, Iì m Avgvi Lye Avv nZv, Iì KvhKjvc `LZvg| kl ivZi w`K Iì cvk q NywgqI coZvg KvbvKvbvw`b| wK IB h, Kx Kx hb Kiv, IUv Kwiwb KLbv| Kivi myhvM wQjv bv| Iì m GKUv mnR mK Zwi KiZ nj IUv Kiv hve bv| Iiv hvìK Kvgvi ej gb Ki, Zvì m Rxebi K_v ej bv| Iiv AvgvK wK ej WvKZv Rvbv? wK? AvDjv `v`v| gvb? gvb cvMj, Gjvgjv| Avwg IìK WvKZvg w`w` ej| niKiKg bvg w`qwQjvg Iì ivOvw`, ew`, cyw`, Kvbw`, gwYw` GBme... wK Kb Gme KiZb Avcwb? Avgvi fvjv jvMZv| ay Iì mv_B bq, bvbv aibi Acivai m RwoZ jvKRbi mI Avgvi mymK wQjv| Avwg gvS gvS mvivivZ ai GB knii ivvNvU AwjMwjZ Nyi ewoqwQ| KZvevi AvgvK cywjk aiQ, wQbZvBKvixiv aiQ| Zvici Avgvi K_vevZv b wQbZvB Kivi e`j iziU wbq LvBqQ| GB kni KD hw` mvivivZ ai Nyi eovq Zvnj gvZvj-feNyi-Pvi-v-nvBRvKvi-wbwkKbv-cywjk Gì m ezZ neB| Avwg Gjv Lye GbRq KiZvg| GbRq KiZb! nuv| Iiv Zv Avmj mgvR I ivi cPwjZ wbqg-Kvbyb, AvBb-Av`vjZK eyov AvOyj `Lvbv gvbyl| KD Zv Avi BQ Ki Acivax nq bv, mevi
cQbB GKUv KiY M _vK| Iiv mB M _K ewiq Avmv gvbyl, mgvRK _vovB-Kqvi Kiv gvbyl| wbRì gZv GKUv RMr Zwi Ki wbqQ Zviv, Iì RMrUv GKeviB AbiKg, mB RMZiI wbqg Kvbyb AvQ, wK mUv cPwjZ mgvRi aviKvQI hvq bv| GmeB AvgvK Lye AvKlY KiZv| Avwg wK Avcbvi Gme evLv bv RbB, GgbwK evcviUvK Lvivc ai wbqB... wK ZvZ Zv Kvbv jvf njv bv gbqx| nuv, Kvbv jvf njv bv| RxebUv cv Mjv...IjvUcvjvU nq Mjv ejZ ejZ Ii Mjv ai Gjv| AvwgI wKQy ejjvg bv Avi| Kx-B ev ejv hvq! mK, mKi `vq, mKi wZ Gme Zv Avi gayi nq bv memgq| KLbv KLbv fvwi nq Pc em Kuva| nqZv Ii ZgbwUB nqQ| GKRbi m mwKZ nevi `vq I wZ wbq AviKRbi m msmvihvcb KwVb evcvi| Avgvi welqwU Aek GKUz AbiKg| Avgvi ga Kvbv Acivaeva bB| KviY, Avgvi PvIqvi ga hgb Kvbv duvK wQjv bv, Pvi Kvbv KgwZI wQjv bv| wQjv Ab Acv, Abb cg| dj w`b w`b `vqUzKz Si coQ RM AvQ wZ| GLbI, GB GZw`b ciI Ii m Avwg wbqwgZ GKv GKv K_v ewj| Avgvi hveZxq Mvwb I e`bvi K_v, `ytL I Avbì K_v, Acgvb-nZvkv^cfi K_v, e_Zv I mvdji K_v hv Avwg KvDK ejZ cvwi bv, mjv IKB ewj| ejZ cvwi ejB GLbv fvjv AvwQ, K-Rb gvbyliB ev Ggb GKRb K_v ejvi mx _vK! Avgvi gvS gvS gb nq, Ii m Avgvi weq nj, msmvi nj mKUv Kgb nZv? eySZ cvwi bv| GgwbZ weqmsmvi Gmei cwZ BZvgaB Avgvi cvq NYv Rb MQ| Avgvi eD h Lye Lvivc gq ev Ii m h Avgvi AvWRvgU nqwb Zv bq, eis AbK evcviB I AmvaviYZi mxgv QuyZ cvi| Zey Avwg Kv| msmvi evcviUv wVK Avgvi ^fvei m hvq bv| gbqxi mI wK Avwg Ggb Kv nq coZvg? mUv Lye ggvwK evcvi nZv| fvjvem KvDK weq Kivi ci Zvi m Rxebhvcb Kv nq covi gZv e`bv`vqK evcvi Avi wK AvQ? Ii m msmvi nj Rxeb nqZv AbiKg nZv, wK mwU h myLKiB nZv Zv wbwZfve ejv hvq bv| GmeB eywS| Zey Kvbv Kvbv mgq Ii Rb eyKi Lye Mnb-Mfxi Mvcb h `xNkvm co bv, Zv-I bq| G nQ jvBd BR Gjmnvqvi ev Ab Kv_v, Ab KvbvLvbi gZv evcvi| Kewj gb nq
G Rxeb Avwg PvBwb, Avgvi KvwZ Rxeb co AvQ Ab Kv_vI| wK Kv_vq, Rvwb bv| Avgvì K_v _g _vK `xNmgqi Rb| Zvici GKmgq KvwUb-eq Gm Lvevii K_v wRm Ki| gbqx ivZi Lvevi iua GbQ ej wdwiq w`Z Pvq, wK Avgvi j-wgvii Lvevi Lye cQì ej IK `y-Rbi Lvevi ig w`q hZ ewj| gbqx Avgvi Kweb Avm, `yUv weQvbvi gvSLvb UwejUv Ub Gb gyLvgywL em| KvwUb eq Gm Lvevi w`q hvq| GB c_g GKB Uwej gyLvgywL em LvIqvi myhvM nq Avgvì| Lvevi ci Avevi evBi Gm ewm, wKQyY mvgbi w`K wMq ùvwoq _vwK| Gjvgjv K_v nq AbK, wK Avjvc Rg bv| hb, hv wKQy Rvbvi wQjv me Rvbv nh MQ, hv wKQy ejvi wQjv ejv nh MQ| ivZ evo, WK-G BZZ Qwoq _vKv hvxiv me NygvZ Pj hvq, ZviciI Avgiv ùvwoq _vwK| KZvY ùvwoq wQjvg gb bB, Gi ga wK ejwQ, wK bwQ Zv-I gb bB| nVvr Ii k Avgvi mw^r di| `wL Avgvi nvZ I wbRi `y-nvZ Zzj wbqQ| Ii PvL fRv, cvqvKvi IB fRv PvLi fvlv eyS DVZ cvwi bv ejB nqZv I ej Rvbv, Zvgvi K_v hLb gb nq, ZLb Avgvi ^vgx-msmvi-`yUv evPv mewKQy ZzQ nq hvq, BQ Ki me Qo Zvgvi KvQ Pj Avwm| GZw`b ci Avevi nvZ nvZ, Avevi gbqxi Zzwg m^vab! Avwg wKQy ewj bv| Avgvi Zv Ggb BQ Ki bv, ejev Kb? Ii Rb Mfxi GK e`bveva AvQ Avgvi, wK Ii m ev Avi Kviv mB GKwU cyiv Rxeb KvUvbvi mva nq bv Avgvi| Avgvi Kvbv mvov bv cqB nqZv I ej, Zzwg Nygve bv? AbK ivZ njv Zv! nuv, Pjv| Avwg wMq wbRi ig XywK, Avi Kx Avh cQb cQb gbqxI! Gevi Avwg Ii PvL coZ cviwQ, mB PvL gwìZv, AvgY, AvKlY| I wbRi _KB ìRvUv e Ki w`j mB fvlv Aviv cwivi nq| gbqx wMq `yUv weQvbvi GKwUZ q co ej jvBUUv Ad Ki `vI| Avwg jvBU Ad Ki Ab LvUi w`K GMvZB Ii K wb Gw`K Gmv bv! Avwg mB WvKK Dcv KiZ cvwi bv| Pz^K AvKlY Ii w`K GwMq hvB| I wbweo Ki AvgvK Rwoq ai| AvwgI| gbqx ej Rvbv, Avwg hLb Avgvi ^vgxi mv_ wgwjZ nB, ZLbI Zvgvi K_v fvwe| gb nq, I bq, ZzwgB Rwoq iLQ
AvgvK| eQii ci eQi ai Avwg Ii mv_ GB Awfbq Ki PjwQ| Avgvi RxebUv Ggb njv Kb ejZ cviv? ZvgvK VwKqwQ, wbR VKwQ, IKI VKvwQ| wbRK Avcv`gK cZviK gb nq, Rvbv! I GBme ej, Avi Avgvi hb Nvi jM hvq| AKvi IK Rwoq ai nVvr Ki gb nq gbqxK Avwg Kvbvw`b fvjv Ki `wLwb| A_vr GKRb cyil Zvi KvwZ igbxK h PvL `L bq, gc bq Zgb Ki `wLwb| `wLwb Ii eyK KZvUzKz DuPz, wbZî gvc Kgb, Kvgi g` RgQ Kx bv BZvw`| Avwg mB c_gw`b _K Ii PvLi w`K ZvwKq wQjvg, AvRI ZvB _KwQ| Rvwb, Avcbviv fveQb, Wvnv wg_ ejwQ| bv, G wg_ bq| Avwg wbRK mvaym wnme `vwe KiwQ bv| Avgvi Kvgbv-evmbv cej| icmx gqì `Lj gyn~Zi ga Zvi kixii AvKlYxq Askjv `L wbZ fyj Kwi bv, eD Qvov Avi KvDK k Kwiwb Ggb `vweI Kiev bv, wK gbqxi evcviUv Avgvi KvQ mwZB AbiKg| GB P~ov gyn~Z Gm eySZ cvijvg Kb I Avgvi mgM Ryo AvQ| GKevi BQ njv mg AveiY Lyj IK `L wbB, cek Kwi Ii ga, Ii mg im wbso wbq Avw`g Djvm gZ DwV| Rvwb, gbqx GLb GZUzKzI evav è bv, wbRK Avg~j mgcY Ki em AvQ m| GBme evcvi AbK AvMB eySZ wkLwQ| wK nVvrB gb njv ìKvi bB, wKQy wKQy Ac~YZv _vKv fvjv| Avgvi gbi K_v I coZ cvijv bv nqZv, wbRB eyK _K AvuPj mwiq w`jv, wdmwdwmq ejjv... MUv Avi GwMq bqv me nQ bv| eD eKvevwR KiQ mviv`k So jf nq MQ, nvRvi nvRvi gvbyl gviv MQ, jvL jvL gvbyl mvdvi KiQ, `y-w`b ai evmvq KviU bB, cvwb bB, Avi Dwb em em M wjLQb| GB Zzwg DVe Uwej _K? bBj Avwg mewKQyZ Avb awiq èv| GKevi ejZ BQ Kijv Avwg GB M jLv e Ki w`j wK So _g hve, gvbyli gZz ev `yfvM Kge, BjKwUwmwU wdi Avme, cvwbi ^vfvweK cevn i ne? ejZ cvijvg bv| AbK VK wkLwQ, memgq me K_v ejZ bB| MUv kl ch ejv njv bv, cvVK| G chB _vK| nqZv wKQy wKQy Ac~YZv _vKvB fvjv|
AvM-bfî, 2007| fvi I mviv bvgQ e`bvq 11 fvi I mviv bvgQ e`bvq

Bhor o Shandhyara

Загружено:

Сведения о документе

Авторское право

Доступные форматы

Поделиться этим документом

Поделиться или встроить документ

Параметры публикации

Этот документ был вам полезен?

Это неприемлемый материал?

Авторское право:

Доступные форматы

Bhor o Shandhyara

Загружено:

Авторское право:

Доступные форматы

fvi I mviv bvgQ e`bvq

fvi I mviv bvgQ e`bvq

fvi I mviv bvgQ e`bvq 11

fvi I mviv bvgQ e`bvq

c_g cKvk deqvwi 2008 cKvkK HwZn

cQ` ae Gl M^Z Avngv` gvdv Kvgvj

ISBN NO.: 984-776-548-0

g~j : 100 UvKv

fvi I mviv bvgQ e`bvq 11

fvi I mviv bvgQ e`bvq

fvi I mviv bvgQ e`bvq 11

fvi I mviv bvgQ e`bvq

jLKi Abvb cKvwkZ M

fvi I mviv bvgQ e`bvq 11

fvi I mviv bvgQ e`bvq

eov e`bvi gZv eRQ

fvi I mviv bvgQ e`bvq 11

fvi I mviv bvgQ e`bvq

GwU GKwU cgi M nq DVZ cviZv

fvi I mviv bvgQ e`bvq 11

fvi I mviv bvgQ e`bvq

Nbvqgvb mv A_ev eR IVvi M

Avi wKQzB wQjv bv nvivevi

fvi I mviv bvgQ e`bvq 11

fvi I mviv bvgQ e`bvq

GwU Kvbv icK_v bq

fvi I mviv bvgQ e`bvq

fvi I mviv bvgQ e`bvq

fvi I mviv bvgQ e`bvq

fvi I mviv bvgQ e`bvq 11

Вам также может понравиться