(originally posted on chrisbattaglia.

com)

god says: oi
cbattaglia says: hey there
god says: lol
cbattaglia says: ?
god says: u know who i am?
cbattaglia says: sure. you’re the big cheese
god says: lmao, got that right
cbattaglia says: what’s up?
god says: nothing much. u?
cbattaglia says: same
god says: ...so, got any questions for me?
cbattaglia says: i guess... is that why you’re talking to me?
god says: sure. lol
cbattaglia says: ok. well, i guess the biggest one right now would be: why are you
talking to me?
god says: why not?
cbattaglia says: seems kind of random. i mean, i don’t even believe in you. usually you
appear to people who already preach about you 24/7
god says: yeah... i’m kind of tired of those guys. they’re mostly brown-nosers and spin
doctors, so i figured i’d try something different today
cbattaglia says: is that why you’re using MSN, instead of the preferred “visions”
methods?
god says: how do you know this isn’t just a vision?
cbattaglia says: ...touche, god.
god says: lol
cbattaglia says: but seriously, why me: an atheist? why not a Muslim or Buddhist or
Hindu?
god says: y would i appear before them? i’m looking for a change here. they already
believe in me
cbattaglia says: how so?
god says: at the core, all spiritual beliefs are the same. they’re about knowing deep down
that there is something more out there, some sort of presence, and framework, guiding a
universe that feels too complex to be random
cbattaglia says: i see, but they all believe different things...
god says: the core is the same, and that core is me. to some, i am more than one being. to
others, i have more eyes or limbs. some even believe that i have no physically
recognizable form. the interpretations may vary, but my existence is constant
cbattaglia says: ok, but if that’s true, why all the hatred and fighting done in your name?
it’s kind of pointless if they’re all fighting for the same side
god says: lol, don’t go pinning that on me. and yes, it’s completely pointless. the fact that
they commit these atrocities in my name pisses me off to no end
cbattaglia says: then why don’t you stop it?
god says: because that’s not how i roll. i’m not the babysitter of earth, or any of the other
planets. the reason i gave u guys free will was so that i wouldn’t have to hold ur hand all
the time. i have a life too, y’know
cbattaglia says: ok, makes sense
cbattaglia says: wait... other planets? do those planets have life?
god says: of course! lmao y wouldn’t i put life on other planets? u guys aren’t my 1
special little project. and i must say, u aren’t the best of the bunch, either. not the worst,
but...
cbattaglia says: hehe, i bet
god says: anyway, like i was saying, i don’t enjoy being attached to the causes of
everyone who craves comfort, power, validation, etc, but it’s not like i can blame them.
false security is the warmest blanket there is. i do hate it when i’m held responsible for
nature’s stuff though. that shit is on autopilot. it just works with what it’s given
cbattaglia says: so gays didn’t cause you to make Katrina?
god says: lol no, and what’s with people attaching me to their views on gays? i have no
problem with them. what i do have a problem with is my name being used to mask
personal insecurities
cbattaglia says: doesn’t it say something in the bible about homosexuality being wrong?
god says: i didn’t write that thing. lol this is what i was talking about earlier: the spin
doctors. i may be at the core of all spirituality, but everything that branches off of that
isn’t from me
cbattaglia says: i see... so you don’t endorse any “holy” texts?
god says: lmao! NO! do u know how many times those things have been translated,
interpreted and re-written to include or exclude certain passages??? i’m pretty sure there’s
even a story out there about my son making a trip to Utah. it’s like a plot for a bad teen
movie. i don’t even have a son. lol
cbattaglia says: wow. interesting. so jesus wasn’t yours?
god says: ...no, and i won’t pay the child support, either. mary’s just trying to cash in on
the lie
cbattaglia says: so all of this stuff that happens, everything done in your name, it’s all
bullshit?
god says: well, i’ll be honest: no. i do enjoy screwing around with the brown-nosers a bit
to see where they’ll take it. like, i’ll appear for some believer all important-sounding with
a quest that really has no meaning, and sit back while the drama unfolds. it’s pretty funny
cbattaglia says: that’s a little petty for the almighty, no?
god says: hey, i get bored too. u guys r my tv. lol
god says: if u think that’s bad, u should see what i’ve done to other places...
cbattaglia says: i don’t think i want to know
god says: lol
cbattaglia says: one thing i would like to know, though, is what happens when we die
god says: u die
cbattaglia says:...and?
god says: that’s it
cbattaglia says: oh
god says: lol, don’t worry, reality is a tricky thing. u still technically live on in the hearts
and minds of those who knew u, so u’re not completely gone, if u catch my drift
cbattaglia says: i think i do... sort of
god says: lol
god says: i g2g
cbattaglia says: ok, cool, but just so you know: i still don’t believe in you
god says: oh? why not?
cbattaglia says: because our conversation here proves you exist, yet (as Douglas Adams
points out) you refused to ever do that, because “proof denies faith, and without faith, i
am nothing.”
god says: oh, right... lol
*god has signed off