Children learn what they live

In the final analysis it is not what you do to your children but what you have taught
them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings.~ Ann
Landers

I checked the internet recently to get materials to write this column with; what I got was
the following saying…

If children live with CRITICISM

They learn to CONDEMN
If children live with HOSTILITY
They learn to FIGHT
If children live with RIDICLE
They learn to BE SHY
If children live with SHAME
They learn to FEEL GUILTY
If children live with TOLERANCE
They learn to BE PATIENT
If children live with ENCOURAGEMENT
They learn to HAVE CONFIDENCE
If children live with PRAISE
They learn to APPRECIATE
If children live with FAIRNESS
They learn JUSTICE
If children live with SECURITY
They learn to have FAITH
If children live with APPROVAL
They learn to LIKE THEMSELVES
If children live with ACCEPTANCE and FRIENDSHIP
They learn to FIND LOVE IN THE WORLD

Note that what is said is, ‘if a child lives with…’ not ‘if a child is taught…’ Children learn
mainly from interaction than been instructed vocally; they learn how to relate with people
by the way they see daddy and mummy relate with one another. They also learn from the
way daddy treats people around him; that many a time forms their world view on how
they will relate with people.

Do the present fathers notice a trend of lawlessness about the children of today; like
never before children are become lawless. I guess the reason is what dad is unconsciously
teaching them to do; many dads preach love and respect for humanity to their children,
yet they see them treat their staffs like a piece of trash. Many children are taught by their
dad to be law abiding, yet daddy won’t put on his sit belt when driving. Many dads
preach respect for life, yet will not climb the pedestrian bridge when crossing the express.
Many dads preach justice and fair play, yet their children see debtors walk into their
home and a father telling a fantastic lie to save his skin. Many fathers preach equality
among humans, yet their children see them hold in disdain people of other culture. In the
end they get confused because there is no correlation between what they are taught and
the way their parents live.

We often breed children that are better than what we are as fathers (good or bad); you
don’t need to look for whom to blame if your children are going hare wire. If you
observe, you will discover that men in power and wealth often have children who are
lawless; daddy is either too powerful or too rich to be caught by the law. They have been
taught indirectly that the law is partial and that you can get away with anything. God help
this nation if these children become leaders because they have been groom not to have
respect for no one but for people of their social class.

How do you want your children to turn out as a father? Don’t just vocalize it to them, live
it. It’s the way you live that your children will emulate in the long run, not what you try
to hammer into them. This is what I learnt from a lady that I read her story in one of the
dailies year back; her dad was an ex top shot in the police who was a strict disciplinarian
but who lived an exemplary lives for his children. His daughter spoke so proudly of him
that when I read the interview she was granted, I taught he was out of this world.

Instead of we fathers trying to instill information on our children like a school teacher
that writes on the board and make the children to keep repeating what he wants the
children to know; all we should do is live the live we preach first, and then get it to them.
My son has learnt over time that when he gets into the car and he is sitting in the front
seat, he must put on his sit belt because that is what daddy does first when he gets into the
car. We even compete for who will put it on first (he wins most of the time); whenever he
doesn’t want to strap it on, he sits at the back.

Olufemi Fasanya
08037257479, 08083906405
www.heavenonearthmarriage.blogspot.com