Elves on Strike By Julie Adams

Were on strike. Thats it. Were tired of working day after day with no breaks and no sick leave. We work for zero wages. Were sick of the crammed, confined sleeping and working quarters at that blasted workshop. And most of all, we flat out refuse to wear those ridiculous elf hats We, the Union of the Workshop of Elves, refuse to make any more toys until the following demands are met Thats what I hear blaring out of the wireless. I sigh deeply. You have no clue how stressful it is to be Santa Claus. Its not all milk and cookies and ho ho ho, you know. Santa is just a stage name, you know that, right? Im really Johnathon Jigglebellies Claus. I took on after my father who took on after his father who took on after his father who took on after his father who took on after his father who took on after his father whos grandfathers great-grandfather was the original Santa. Whew! Suddenly, my dear wife comes into the room holding a huge stack of papers. Ive just been out running your errends, she says as she sets the papers down with a groan. This Timmy sure wants a lot of stuff! She exclaims, skimming one of the papers from the stack. I take the Christmas list from her. Any video game that requires shooting zombies I read. Kids sure have changed since Great-great-great-greatgreat-great-great-great-great-great-great grandpop was Santa. My wife gets the kids Christmas lists for me every year by pretending to be a Girl Scout selling cookies. [Yes, she looks THAT young.] Then she

sneaks into the house and grabs the Christmas list. But I guess that since my elves arent working theres no need for that. Those elves will come round, Mrs. Claus says comfortingly. Its only December 23rd. I know, I sigh, but I cant help but worry. I mean, I fly out tomorrow night!!!!! And besides, Santa without his elves? Never been heard of! Like, ever. Not ever, since Great-greatgreat-great-great-great-great- great- great- great- great grandpop was the Santa! Meanwhile, the elves were walking around the front yard. I swear, theyre gonna give Rudolf the wrong idea. They were maching back and forth, back and forth shouting something about how unfair it was they didnt get paid. But, I mean, HEEEEEELO! How am I supossed to pay them when I dont even get paid! One of these days I really gotta settle down and get a life During the night I TRY to toss and turn but I cant roll over becauseIm way too blubbery! [ I should maybe cut down on those milk and cookies but I cantthere SO GOOD] In the morning I get up and stretch [or at least try to] and walk downstairs to enjoy a breakfast of milk and [ you guessed it] cookies. The elves ? I begin. Mrs. Claus nodded solemnly. WHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wail. Hehehe, an elf snickers behind me. I whip around to see all of my elves holding Wal*Mart shopping bags. One of the elves came up to me and muttered, We, the Union of the Workshop of Elves, have bought every item on every Christmas list from a magical, mistical workshop called WalMart! Oh thank you! I say and Im so relieved that I grant them every wish they had [except the one about the elf hats, theyre just so cute!].

With no hesitation, we begin to wrap all of the presents. It is exasting work, but when we finish it is time to fly! When we have finished our trip around the world, we come back to the workshop. Now I am positively, absolutely sure those elves will never ever go on strike ever again! I hope