Breaking Dawn Chapter 4 Jacob’s Point Of View

I couldn’t believe that I was actually here. But I decided that this would
probably be the last time that I would be able to see the love of my life before
her heart stopped beating forever. I shuddered at the thought. So I stood in the
shadows where no one could see me, and watched as the bloodsucker- known as Edward
Cullen- danced with the reason for my existence. Even from far away, I could see
how exquisite Bella looked. Her skin was a creamy and rosey color, and her widened
eyes were framed with dark lashes. Her shimmering white dress fanned out, as the
bloodsucker twirled her. It felt odd to be standing after all of those months of
just being a wolf. So I decided that now would be the best time.
'Hey Cullen', I thought loudly, knowing that Edward would be able to hear my
thoughts. 'Can I cut in?'
I saw Edward suddenly stiffen, and snap his head in my direction. It looked like
it took him a second to realize that it was me.
“Oh!” I heard him say.
“What is it?” Bella’s voice asked, confused.
“A surprise wedding gift.”
“Huh?”
The leech didn’t respond; he just started to spin Bella my way. He didn’t stop
until he reached the huge Cedar tree where I was standing in the dark.
Edward looked straight at me. “Thank you.” He said. “This is very…kind of you.”
“Kind is my middle name.” I said. It felt strange to speak after all these months.
I saw Bella’s hand fly up to her throat, as she heard me speak.
“Jacob!” Bella managed to choke out. “Jacob!”
“Hey there, Bells.” I said. Bella started to stumble towards me. I caught her as
she got close enough to me. It had been too long. I hugged her, as she buried her
face against my chest. I rested my cheek against the top of her head.
'Give us some privacy?' I thought to the leech.
“Rosalie won’t forgive me if she doesn’t get her official turn on the dance
floor.” Edward said.
'Thanks.'
“Oh. Jacob.” Bella stammered, starting to cry. “Thank you.”
“Stop blubbering, Bella. You’ll ruin your dress. It’s just me.”
I knew that this would make it harder for me to leave, but I wouldn’t- couldn’t
be able to stick around when the leech turned her into a filthy bloodsucker.
“Just?” Bella said. “Oh Jake! Everything is perfect now.”
I snorted. “Yeah- the party can start. The best man finally made it.”
“Now everyone I love is here.”
I decided that I should probably get the best out of this situation that I could.
I brushed her hair with my lips.
“Sorry I’m late, honey.” I murmured.
“I’m just so happy you came!”
“That was the idea.”
Bella glanced back to the lively party, scanning the crowd for someone. “Does
Billy know you’re here?” She said.
I remembered the silent conversation with Sam.
“I’m sure Sam’s told him. I’ll go see him when…when the party’s over.”
“He’ll be so glad you’re home.”
I didn’t want to talk about this. So I pulled back a bit, and straightened up. I
put one hand on the small of Bella’s back, and grabbed her right hand with the
other. I cradled our hands to my chest, so that Bella could hear the rhythmic
pounding of my heart.
“I don’t know if I get more than just this one dance.” I said, pulling Bella
around in a small circle that matched the tempo of my heart beat, ignoring the
music pouring from the greatly lit party behind us. “I’d better make the best of
it.”
We just danced for a few moments.
“I’m glad I came.” I said, “I didn’t think I would be. But it’s good to see you…
one more time. Not as sad as I thought it would be.” I didn’t know whether I would
stay, or run away after tonight.
“I don’t want you to feel sad.” Bella said.
“I know that. And I didn’t come tonight to make you feel guilty.”
“No- it makes me very happy that you came. It’s the best gift you could have given
me.”
I laughed. “That’s good, because I didn’t have time to stop for a real present.” I
smiled a sarcastic smile, and tried my best to look happy, and not show her what
all of this was really doing to me.
“When did you decide to come back?” Bella asked.
“Consciously or subconsciously?” I took a deep breath, thinking of how to best
explain it. “I don’t really know. I guess I’ve been wondering back this direction
for a while, and maybe it’s because I was headed here. But it wasn’t until this
morning that I really started running. I didn’t know if I could make it,” I
laughed. “You wouldn’t believe how weird this feels- walking around on two legs
again. And clothes! And then it’s more bizarre because it feels weird. I didn’t
expect that. I’m out of practice with the whole human thing.”
We revolved steadily.
“It would have been a shame to miss seeing you like this, though. That’s worth the
trip right there, You look unbelievable, Bella. So beautiful.” I said.
“Alice invested a lot of time in me today. The dark helps too.”
“It’s not so dark for me you know.”
“Right.” She said. I liked it when she thought of me as a human, instead of a
monster.
“You cut your hair.” She noted.
“Yeah. Easier, you know. Thought I’d better take some advantage of the hands.”
“It looks good.” She said. And I saw right through the lie.
I snorted. “Right. I did it myself, with rusty kitchen shears.” I grinned widely,
thinking of when I almost chopped my own head off. But my smile faded, as I
thought of something. “Are you happy, Bella?”
“Yes.”
“Okay.” I said, shrugging. “That’s the main thing, I guess.”
“How are you Jacob? Really?” Bella asked. I didn’t want to ruin her night, by
worrying about me. “I’m fine, Bella, really. You don’t need to worry about me
anymore. You can stop bugging Seth.”
“I’m not just bugging him because of you. I like Seth.”
“He’s a good kid. Better company than most. I tell you, if I could get rid of the
voices in my head, being a wolf would be about perfect.”
Bella laughed. “Yeah, I can’t get mine to shut up, either.”
“In your case, that would mean you’re insane. Of course, I already knew that you
were insane.” I teased her.
“Thanks.”
“Insanity is probably easier than sharing a pack mind. Crazy people’s voices don’t
send babysitters to watch them.”
“Huh?”
“Sam’s out there. And some of the others. Just in case, you know.” I was a bit
irritated that Sam didn’t trust me enough to leave me on my own for one night.
“In case what?” Bella asked, confused.
“In case I can’t keep it together, something like that. In case I decide to crash
the party.” I grinned at the thought of the bloodsuckers face if I decided to
crash the wedding. “But I’m not here to ruin your wedding, Bella. I’m here to…” I
couldn’t finish the sentence. I’m here to say goodbye? To see you one last time as
My Bella? But I didn’t speak that aloud.
“To make it perfect.” Bella added.
“That’s a tall order.”
“Good thing you’re so tall.”
I groaned at her bad joke, then sighed. “I’m just here to be your friend. Your
best friend, one last time.” I couldn’t tell her that I was leaving after tonight.
I wanted to make Bella’s last night a happy one.
“Sam should give you more credit.” Bella said.
“Well, maybe I’m being oversensitive. Maybe they’d be here anyway, to keep an eye
on Seth. There are a lot of vampires here. Seth doesn’t take that as seriously as
he should.” I said.
“Seth knows that he’s not in any danger. He understands the Cullen’s better than
Sam does.”
“Sure, sure.” I said, trying not to start a fight with Bella.
“Sorry about those voices.” Bella said. “Wish I could make it better.”
“It’s not that bad. I’m just whining a little.”
“You’re…happy?”
“Close enough. But enough about me. You’re the star today.” I chuckled. “I bet
you’re just loving that. Center of attention.”
“Yeah. Can’t get enough attention.”
I laughed, and then stared over Bella’s head. I pursed my lips as I studied
the reception party in the distance. Dancers were whirling everywhere, as the
petals from the dozens of garlands sprinkled down on them. “I’ll give them this
much.” I said. “They know how to throw a party.”
“Alice is an unstoppable force of nature.” Bella joked.
I sighed as I heard the music end. Would she want me to go now? “Song’s over. Do
you think I get another one? Or is that asking too much?”
Bella tightened her hand around mine. “You can have as many dances as you want.”
I laughed at the thought of what the bloodsucker would do if I hogged Bella all
night. “That would be interesting. I think that I’d better stick with two, though.
Don’t want to start talk.”
We turned in another circle.
“You’d think I’d be used to telling you goodbye now.” I murmured, thinking about
all of the times that I had had to tell Bella goodbye. I looked down at Bella, and
frowned. I wiped my fingers across her cheek; wiping away the tears.
“You’re not supposed to be the one crying, Bella.” I said.
“Everyone cries at weddings.”
“This is what you want, right?” I asked.
“Right.”
“Then smile.”
Bella tried to smile, but it turned out as a grimace. I laughed.
“I’m going to remember you like this. Pretend that…” I didn’t want to upset Bella,
so I didn’t finish my sentence.
“That what? That I died?”
I clenched my teeth together, trying to decide on whether to tell Bella what I
truly thought, or what would make her happy. “No.” I finally said. “But I’ll see
you like this in my head. Pink cheeks. Heartbeat. Two left feet. All of that.”
Bella suddenly stomped on my foot as hard as she could. I smiled. “That’s my
girl.” I wondered how much longer that Bella was going to be My Girl. I started to
ask her, but decided against it.
“What is it, Jake? Just tell me. You can tell me anything.”
“I-I…I don’t have anything to tell you.” I should have known that she would have
noticed. She knows me too well.
“Oh please. Spit it out.”
“It’s true. It’s not…it’s- it’s a question. It’s something I want you to tell me.”
“Ask me.”
I struggled, wondering if I should voice my question. Mind as well. I sighed. “I
shouldn’t. It doesn’t matter. I’m just morbidly curious.” I saw her eyes shine
with realization.
“It’s not tonight.” Bella whispered.
“Oh.” I said, trying not to show my relief. “Oh.” I was glad that she got to have
a little bit more heartbeats. But I wasn’t fully satisfied.
“When?” I whispered.
“I don’t know for sure. A week or two, maybe.” Bella said. I was pissed that the
leech would change her so soon.
“What’s the holdup?” I asked- a mocking edge to my voice.
“I just didn’t want to spend my honeymoon writhing in pain.”
“You’d rather spend it how? Playing checkers? Ha ha.” I said.
“Very funny.”
“Kidding, Bells. But, honestly, I don’t see the point. You can’t have a real
honeymoon with your vampire, so why go through the motions? Call a spade a spade.
This isn’t the first time you put this off. That’s a good thing though.” I said,
not wanting her to get the wrong idea, and think that I was approving of her
choice. “Don’t be embarrassed about it.”
“I’m not putting anything off.” Bella snapped. “And yes I can have a real
honeymoon! I can do anything I want! Butt out!”
I stopped our slow circling abruptly, as I registered her words. Was she
serious? She meant ‘have a real honeymoon’, as in have a honeymoon while she’s
still human? I couldn’t believe that she would say something like that. I felt my
eyes bulge wide, as I was horrified by her statement.
“What?” I gasped. “What did you say?”
“About what…? Jake? What’s wrong?” Bella said, confused.
“What do you mean? Have a real honeymoon? While you’re still human? That’s a sick
joke, Bella.”
Bella glared at me. “I said butt out, Jake. This is so not your business. I
shouldn’t…we shouldn’t even be talking about this. It’s private-” She didn’t
finish her sentence. My enormous hands gripped the tops of her arms, wrapping all
the way around.
“Ow, Jake! Let go!” Bella exclaimed. But I barely heard her, as the anger
started to take over. I shook her. “Bella! Have you lost your mind? You can’t be
that stupid. Tell me you’re joking!” I yelled at her, shaking her again. My whole
body started to shake.
“Jake-stop!” Bella cried. I suddenly felt like we were surrounded.
“Take your hands off her!” I heard the leech’s voice cut through the tense
atmosphere. A low snarl suddenly came from behind me, then another. Sam probably,
I thought. But suddenly, I didn’t care.
“Jake, bro, back away.” I heard Seth urge. “You’re losing it.”
I suddenly froze, horrified. What was I doing?
“You’ll hurt her.” Seth whispered. “Let her go.”
“Now!” The bloodsucker snarled. I dropped my hands to my sides. Edward
suddenly grabbed Bella, and took her further away from me, and then tensed
protectively in front of her. I could feel a growl bubbling in my throat. Sam and
Quil suddenly jumped out, and braced themselves in between me and the leech. Seth
put his arms around my shaking body, trying to tug me away.
“C’mon, Jake. Let’s go.” Seth urged. But I was having none of it. I glared
straight at the bloodsucking leech. “I’ll kill you.” I said in a low whisper.
“I’ll kill you myself! I’ll do it now!”
Sam growled sharply. Why the hell couldn’t I phase?! I was shaking rapidly.
“Seth, get out of the way.” Edward hissed.
Seth ignored him, and tugged on me again, but I was too pissed to put up a fight.
“Don’t do it, Jake. Walk away. C’mon.” Seth said. I wanted to rip the leech
to pieces right now! But I couldn’t phase, especially with Seth so close to me.
Sam joined Seth, pushing his head against my chest, forcing me backwards. Bella
and the leech disappeared from view. Seth and Sam pushed my shaking body further
and further into the woods. Finally, when we were far enough away, they let me go.

“Calm down, Jake.” Seth said. “You okay, bro?” I ignored him, and walked
deeper into the forest. The shaking receded, so I could finally phase. As soon as
I was on all fours, I began running.
Jake! Where are you going? Sam shouted in my head. But I ignored him, and didn’t
slow my pace. I would never see My Bella again, with a beating heart. I let the
grief consume me, as the forest blurred past me.