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Bugsy Malone

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Bugsy Malone ACT I


The house tabs are closed The Street cloth is in Overture At the end of the overture, the house tabs open and dim lights come up on the Street cloth Bugsy Malone played on piano followed by ominous piano music Dripping water and echoey foot falls A red light flickers onto the dark stage. Roxy Robinson enters, scared A spotlight follows Roxy Bugsy Someone once said, if it was raining brains, Roxy Robinson wouldn't even get wet. In all of New York they didn't come much dumber than Roxy the Weasel. To be frank, Roxy was a dope.

Roxy nervously runs right and left across the stage. Scared. O.S. we hear sound effects: screeching tyres; slamming doors; voices. Bronx C Shoulders, the alleyway quick. He's making for Peritos. Benny cover the back. Yonkers watch the sidewalk.

Some of the Hoods enter stage left to cut off Roxy. The other Hoods enter stage right to cut off his retreat. Bugsy Dumb as Roxy was, he could smell trouble like other people could smell gas. But he should never have taken that blind alley by the side of Peritos bakery.

As the song starts, the Street cloth goes out By the end of the song, Bugsy, Roxy and the hoods are left on stage. The Street cloth comes in (Fat Sams Speakeasy is set behind) Bronx C Roxy Bronx C Roxy Bronx C Roxy Bronx C Roxy Your name Robinson? Uh huh (Nods) Roxy Robinson? Uh huh (Nods) Also known as a Roxy the Weasel Uh huh (Nods) The same Roxy the Weasel who works for Fat Sam Uh huh (Nods)

Song 01

Lets Face the Music Roxy and Full Company


There may be teardrops to shed So while there's moonlight and music and love and romance Let's face the music and dance Let's face the music and dance Music break Soon we'll be without the moon, humming a different tune and then There may be teardrops to shed

There may be trouble ahead But while there's moonlight and music and love and romance Let's face the music and dance Before the fiddlers have fled Before they ask us to pay the bill and while we still have the chance Let's face the music and dance Soon we'll be without the moon, humming a different tune and then

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Bugsy Malone
So while there's moonlight and music and love and romance Let's face the music and dance Let's face the music and dance

Roxy is splurged and the Hoods walk off with a jump and a click of the heels. Accompanying music Bugsy Whatever game it was that everyone was playing, sure as eggs is eggs, Roxy Robinson had been well and truly scrambled.

Two Undertakers walk-on and carry off the stiffened body of Roxy under their arms like a tailor's dummy. A violinist playing a funeral Melody walks behind them. The Barbers chair and pole are set DSL The barber and Flash Frankie enter stage left Light up on Barber cutting Flash Frankies hair. Bugsy Now, the guy in the chair here is Flash Frankie. The best lawyer in New York. Sure, hes a little shady, but he's the best, believe me, Flash Frankies silver tongue can get a guy out of jail quicker than a truckload of dynamite.

The Hoods enter from stage right and Flash Frankie is splurged. The undertakers and violinist enter again and the body is removed along with the barbers chair and pole Bugsy Now, as you can see, something kind of fishy is going on here. To be perfectly honest, I'm beginning to wonder whats going on myself. I mean this play is only just started and already the stage is full of stiffs! Oh, by the way, you're probably wondering who I am. My name's Malone, Bugsy Malone.

The dancers enter SL.

Song 02

Bugsy Malone Dancers (Bangles, Tillie, Velma & Tallulah)


Hot-headed Bugsy makes his mind up Don't mess with Bugsy or you'll wind up Wishing you'd left well enough alone He's a man, a mountain He's a rolling stone And will he leave you Sad and lonely, crying? I couldn't say, but it's known That everybody wants that man Bugsy Malone

He's a sinner Candy-coated For all his friends He always seems to be alone But they love him Bugsy Malone A city slicker He can charm you With a smile and a style all his own Everybody loves that man Bugsy Malone

At the end of the song, the dancers exit SR through the Bookcase Fizzy enters and sweeps up Pop Becker enters and stands by the bookcase Blousey enters stage left, carrying a large bag with a baseball bat protruding from it. She walks to the book store, eyed by Bugsy. She hands a piece of paper to Pop Becker who exits through the bookcase. Bugsy (to audience) With an Italian mother and an Irish father Id naturally grown up a little confused. I didn't see much future as a spaghetti waiter at Mamma Luginis or pushing a pen at City Hall, so I drifted from this to that. You know, walking the line, trying hard not to fall either side until, that is, the night I walked in here to Pop Becker's book store. (to Blousey) Hi, how you doing? I'm Bugsy Malone. Blousey ignores him. You a dancer? A singer, right? Oh, a baseball player.

He pulls her baseball bat out of her bag.

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Blousey Bugsy Blousey Zip the lip, wisey. I'm in no mood for conversation. You don't like me? Listen, wisey. Im surprised you dont stoop with all that dandruff on your shoulders.

Bugsy self-consciously brushes his shoulders. Pop Becker re-enters through stage right door Pop Honey, you can go in now.

Blousey steps through.. Fizzy, who follows her, speaks to Bugsy before ducking through the door. Fizzy If she is here about the audition, Bugsy, she's got a long wait. Every day they tell me to come back tomorrow. (to audience) Now, you might be wondering what kind of crazy place this is, with people disappearing into bookcases. Well, firstly, this neighborhood aint for dumb bums and secondly, this bookstore aint no bookstore. This is Fat Sam's place. Fat Sam's Grand Slam. Liveliest joint in town.

Bugsy

The Street cloth goes out as Bugsy says This is Fat Sams place. Bugsy pushes through the bookcase into Fat Sams Speakeasy

Song 03

Fat Sams Grand Slam (Company minus Dandy Dans gang)


Da da da da da da Hoo ya, Hoo ya, Hoo da da da da See the politicians Sittin' by the kitchen Said he caught his fingers In the well he was wishin' in Once you get here Feel the good cheer Like they always say in the poem Fat Sam's ain't humble But it's your home sweet home Plans are made here Games are played here I could write me a book Each night astounds you Rumours are abuzzing Stories by the dozen Look around you, cousin At the news were making here Anybody who is anybody Will soon walk through that door At Fat Sam's Grand Slam Speakeasy

Anybody who is anybody Will soon walk through that door At Fat Sam's Grand Slam Speakeasy Always able to find you a table There's room for just one more At Fat Sam's Grand Slam Speakeasy Once you get here Feel the good cheer Like they always say in the poem Fat Sam's ain't humble But it's your home sweet home Plans are made here Games are played here I could write me a book Each night astounds you Rumours are abuzzing Stories by the dozen Look around you, cousin At the news were making here Anybody who is anybody Will soon walk through that door At Fat Sam's Grand Slam Speakeasy Da da da da da da Da da da da da da

At the end of the song Bugsy and Blousey collide at the front of the stage. Some members of the cast are left in the Speakeasy Bugsy Ouch, look where you're going will you.

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Bugsy rubs his shin. Blousey I'm sorry, I'm truly sorry. Oh! Its you, dandruff. Bugsy Dont worry; I've had a shampoo since we last spoke. That baseball bat could be classified as a dangerous weapon you know. My mother made me pack it. Youre a sports nut? Its for protection, in case I get robbed. You're a singer, right? That depends on your taste in music. I'm here about a job. Did you get the job? They said come back tomorrow. They always do. Whats your name anyway? Brown. Sounds like a loaf of bread. Blousey Brown. Sounds like a stale loaf of bread. Keep your jokes behind your teeth, wisey. Pleased to meet you. I'm Bugsy Malone.

Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy

As they shake hands the Hoods enter and splurge some of the guests. There is general panic The Hoods exit but Doodle drops her gun and is ordered back for it Bronx C The gun, Doodle! You dummy! Get the gun. You can't leave the gun!

Doodle retrieves the gun, holding it the wrong way round so that she's pointing it at herself. Fat Sam enters; nervously he tries to re-assure his customers. Fat Sam O.K. everybody, its O.K., nothing to worry about now. Back to your tables. Razzmatazz! Music! I wanna see everybody enjoying themselves. Free drinks on the house. It's just a little excitement, thats all. No one can say Fat Sam's aint the liveliest joint in town. (laughs nervously to himself)

The band plays on, a little muted. Fat Sam straightens a few upturned chairs and other cast members remove the tables and chairs to the store as they exit. Sam walks over to where Knuckles sits, propped up, holding his splurged arm. The other members of the gang are around him. Fat Sam touches the splurge. He examines the gooey mess on the end of his fingers and leads his gang up to the office (USL. Fat Sam Knuckles, dis means trouble.

Lights down to black Spotlight no a paperboy who runs through the audience waving newspapers and shouting excitedly Paperboy Read all about it. New weapon for mobsters. Read all about it. New gang warfare flares. Read it in the record. Read all about it.

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Radio Announcer offstage Radio announcer We interrupt this programme of music to bring you an important news flash. Reports are coming in of a gangland incident on the lower East side involving a certain Robert Robinson, known to the police as Roxy the Weasel, believed to be a member of the gang of alleged mobster king, Fat Sam Stacetto. Robinson was the victim of a sensational event and we go over to our reporter on the spot for a...

Light up on Fat Sam's office stage right. Fat Sam is ranting and raving. His trusted henchmen sit and listen intently Fat Sam So tell me how you allow this to happen? Roxy was one of my best. What have you got to say for yourselves, you bunch of dummies? Knuckles? Ritzy? Angelo? Snake eyes? Call yourselves hoodlums. Youre a disgrace to your profession. Do you hear me? A disgrace. And most of all a disgrace to me. Fat Sam.

He pats himself proudly. He goes to the drinks cabinet and get out a glass and a decanter of orange juice. The gang is very dumb. Fat Sam Gang Fat Sam Gang And we all know who's behind all this, don't we? Sure, Boss. You don't need a handful of brains to know that, do you? Certainly not, Boss.

They all shake their heads. Fat Sam Gang Fat Sam We all know who's monkeying us around, don't we? Sure do, boss So who is it, you dummies?

They look at one another, unsure whether they should answer. Gang Fat Sam Dandy Dan, boss Don't dare mention his name in this office.

Fat Sam has fallen off his chair in excitement. Fizzy pokes his head around the door. Fizzy Fat Sam Fizzy Fat Sam Er Boss, er, how about my audition? You said come back tomorrow. Am I going mad? Are my ears playing tricks on me? Come back tomorrow, Fizzy. But today is tomorrow, Mr. Sam. Fizzy, will you get out of here?

Fat Sam lunges at Fizzy and in the process trips over Fizzys bucket. Once again, the gang picks him up and brushes him down. Louis You OK Boss? Snake Eyes Take it easy boss, youll break something. Fat Sam Break something? Sure I'll break something, Snake Eyes. Ill break your dumb neck! Dancers, dancers. I'm surrounded by a namby-pamby dancers, singers, piano players, banjo players, tin whistle players, at a time when I need brains. You hear me? Brains! Brains and muscles.

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Gang You got us Boss. Knuckles takes the soda siphon in order to top up Fat Sam's orange juice. Fat Sam holds out the glass. Knuckles squeezes and misses. The soda spray splashes everywhere but in the glass. Mostly, it goes on Fat Sam who is drenched and naturally furious. Fat Sam You! You manure face. You You... Great hunk of lard! Your trouble is you've got muscle when you ought to have brains. I tell you, my pet Canarys got more brains than you! You dumb salami!

He pulls Knuckles hat over his head. Snatching the soda siphon, he squirts it into Knuckles face. Ritzy, Angelo, Louis, and Snake Eyes giggle. Their faces change as Fat Sam stalks them round the room. Fat Sam So what's funny?

He squirts the siphon at all of them. Gang Nothing Boss. Aaaaaaaah!

Light out on Fat Sam's office as the Street cloth comes in A waiter and waitress set two tables and chairs DSL Light up on Bugsy and Blousey who are centre stage. Bugsy is still trying to befriend her. She is still uninterested in him. Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Can I give you a lift? You got a car? Er, no. Then how you gonna give me a lift, Buster? Put me in an elevator? Its a nice night, we could walk. Which way you going? Which way you going? This way. ( Points Left) Then I'm going this way. (moves off right) Let me carry your bag at least. Have you eaten? Ever since I was a child. Then how come you're so skinny smartie? I watch my weight. Yeah, I do that when Im broke too. You hungry? No. Youre not hungry? No, starving.

Lights up on cafe The waiter holds the chair out for Blousey to sit down. The violinist walks on and plays his violin. Two couples enter and sit at the other tables. A surly waitress comes up, chewing gum. She's very bored as she waits.

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Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Are you going back to the Speakeasy tomorrow? Er no, I'm gonna try my luck at the Bijoux theatre. The Lena Marrelli show? She's walked out. Theyre looking for a replacement. Oh, she walks out every week and every week they have auditions and every week she walks back again. But don't let me put you off. You won't. What do you do? Oh, this and that. Oh, crooked huh. No, not quite. I find fighters, boxers. In fact I was a fighter myself once, pretty good too. You were? Sure, I could have been a champion. You could? Sure, but for a couple of things. Like what? Like jelly legs, and a glass jaw. Some champion. Id do well for a couple of rounds but I was about as tough as a ball of cotton wool. This jaw had more glass in it then Maces window. One punch was enough to send me back to the dressing room, generally on a stretcher. Theyd slap my face, get out the smelling salts and I'd come round kidding myself it was a lucky punch. How many times can it be a lucky punch? Then I wised up, before my face looked like a plate of mashed potatoes. (he pushes his ear and nose to resemble a punched up boxer.) I could have been a contender, Charlie. (Marlon Brando voice)

Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy

Blousey laughs. Bugsy kisses his fingers and touches her nose. Waitress (chewing) look buddy, in case you're wondering, I ain't part of the furniture. (pronounced foyniture) are you eatin or are you meetin? Er... no, we'll have two banana boozles with double ice-cream with nuts and chocolate sauce, two cream Arizona doughnuts and a Coke with two straws.

Bugsy

Suddenly, there is pandemonium once more as the Hoods rush in and splurge again. Bugsy and Blousey take refuge under the table. Bugsy We can't go on meeting like this.

They shuffle for safety, across the stage, on their knees The Street cloth goes out The tables and chairs are removed Light up on Dandy Dan and Lou up stage right. The band are playing. Dandy Dan gets up and switches off Brian and the band stops Lou Oh honey, don't switch that off, I was enjoying that.

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Dandy I have to concentrate, darling. I have a little business to attend to. The butler/maid and the gang enter stage left. The butler/maid walks USR to Dandy Dans place. The gang stop at the top of the stairs Butler/ Maid Lou Dandy I've shown Mrs. Bronx Charlie and company into the conservatory, Maam.

But ain't you gonna play no more, honey? Later my darling, later.

She deftly kisses him and walks down the stairs towards where Bronx Charlie and the Hoods jump up to attention, yanking off their hats. Doodle is on the end of the line. Dandy Hi girls. OK, relax. Well, girls, I'd like to take this opportunity of thanking you for your work so far. Everything's gone swell, just swell Thanks Boss Fat Sam must have had quite a shock.

Bronx C Dandy

Song 04

Thats why they call me Dandy (Dandy Dan and gang)


The very celebrated man who created custard pie Is directly related to me (Oh Dandy) Didn't you know gang? (The Marquis De Meringue) Didn't you know gang? My daddy made pies he was second to no one (He has the recipe) But I was the first in the family to throw one (Who was the casualty?) I was born with something more than an urge (Isnt she wonderful?) I was born to manufacture the splurge (Splurge manufacturer, Splurge manufacturer, Splurge manufacturer, Splurge) Didn't you know gang? (We're beginning to see, that's why they call you Dandy)

It was always my destiny I had my future tailor made for me I'm on a winning streak, so dont try to stop me Dont try to hold me down and dont try to top me There's pie in the sky and it belongs to me I'm the legal owner of the recipe The upper crust looks up to me Didn't you know gang? (We're beginning to see, that's why they call you Dandy) I rule this town with a velvet fist (Oh yeah thats our Dan) I got a sense of humour that they can't resist (It's our Dandy Dan) I give this plot a lemon twist (Oh my, what a plan) Didn't you know gang? (We're beginning to see, that's why they call you Dandy) The fact is, the fact is

The butler/maid walks on with a tray of roses, enough for all the gang except for Doodle Dandy Dan takes the red roses and hands them out. He misses out Doodle Dandy Bronx Charlie, Laughing Boy, Shoulders, Yonkers, Benny Lee; any moment now, Fat Sam will be crawling on his knees to me.

The butler walks on with the splurge guns. Doodle looks at his empty hand. There seems to be some mistake. Doodle Er... I dont have a flower Boss.

Dandy Dan ignores her, takes a gun and hands the others to the other gang members. Dandy Soon all Fat Sam will have is the clothes he stands up in and a suitcase full of memories. Page 10 of 51

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Doodle Er what about my flower boss? I dont have a flower.

Dandy Dan and the Hoods surround him Dandy You goofed, Doodle. You've dropped the gun. And I don't allow mistakes in this outfit, cause mistakes could put us all in the caboose and Sing Sing aint my style. No Boss, please no. I didn't mean to drop the gun, honest I didn't. It just kind of slipped out of my hands. Any girl can make a mistake. Indeed, and I am nothing if not personable. So you, Doodle, have the honour of securing your place in history by being the first to try out the new improved splurge gun mark two.

Doodle

Dandy

Sung: Splurge gun mark two, splurge gun mark two Doodle Dandy Doodle Dandy Doodle Dandy Gee! Can I really try it out fffirst? Indeed you can. I can... Stay where you are Doodle, at close range things get very messy. Oh! No boss, please no, no Button your lip, Doodle... You're all washed up.

They shoot Doodle at close range. I am Dandy Dan Im second to none (Shes so hot) I was born to manufacture that gun (What a shot!) Its a wonderful weapon, its the splurge mark two Exclusive to the wealthy and the chosen few Wanna play? So join the queue Didn't you know gang? (Its a magical plan) That is why they call me Dandy Dan (That is why they call her Dandy Dan) Dandy Dans gang remove the body and they all exit Lights down Lights up on stage Fizzy comes on stage sweeping up. He whistles his song. The chorus girls, Tillie, Loretta and Bangles, chatter away as they enter through the dressing room SL. Each one acknowledges Fizzy. Tillie Fizzy Night Fizzy. Night Tillie. Night Loretta.

The dancers do not exit Fizzy Night Bangles.

Fat Sam comes out of his office and down the stairs, followed by the faithful Knuckles, who cracks his knuckles as always. Fat Sam Stop cracking your knuckles, Knuckles.

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Knuckles Fat Sam But its how I got my name Boss. Well knock it off, or change your name. (calls up) Tallulah, are you ready? How much longer do you want us to wait? (OS) Coming honey. You don't want me looking a mess, do you?

Tallulah

Fat Sam paces up and down nervously. Knuckles paces obediently after him. Fizzy Fat Sam Fizzy Er, Mr Sam, about my audition. Later Fizzy, I'm busy right now. Keep practicing.... I'll see you tomorrow ... I promise you, tomorrow. But yesterday you said tomorrow Boss.

Tallulah has appeared at the top of the stairs, momentarily letting Sam off the hook. Fat Sam Tallulah Tallulah ! You spend more time prettying yourself up than theres time in the day. Listen, honey, if I didn't look this good, you wouldn't give me the time of day.

Fat Sam storms off frustrated, and Knuckles follows. Fat Sam Knuckles Tallulah Fizzy I'll see you in the car.(to Knuckles) Don't do that Knuckles. Sorry Boss, it just slipped out. Night Fizzy Night Tallulah.

Fizzy and the dancers remain in the Speakeasy..

Song 05

Tomorrow (Fizzy and dancers)


To Fred Astaire when I'm done Anyone who feels the rhythm Movin' through em Knows it's gonna do em good To let the music burst out When you feel assured Let the people know it Let your laughter loose Until your scream Becomes a love-shout, ah Tomorrow Tomorrow's far away Tomorrow, as they say, Is reserved for dreams Tomorrow Tomorrow's looking grey A playground always locked Trains no winning teams Won't take no for an answer Page 12 of 51

Tomorrow Tomorrow never comes What kind of a fool Do they take me for? Tomorrow A resting place for bums A trap set in the slums But I know the score I won't take no for an answer I was born to be a dancer now, Yeah! Tomorrow Tomorrow, as they say Another working day and another chore Tomorrow An awful price to pay I gave up yesterday But they still want more They are bound to compare me

Bugsy Malone
I was born to be a dancer now Anyone who feels the rhythm Movin' through em Knows it's gonna do em good To let the music burst out When you feel assured Let the people know it Let your laughter loose Until your scream Becomes a love-shout, ah

Blackout The gauze comes in Hollywood signs drop in The street cloth comes in behind the gauze (tables and chairs are set on their sides behind) Oscar DeVelt enters and parades on the stage extension Dim light on Oscar. Spotlight centre stage Singer Oscar Singer Oscar Velia, oh Velia the witch of the wood. Next! But I have other songs. Yeah honey, but do you have other voices? Next. Come on,please, shake it up you guys, weve got a show to put on here.

The singer leaves in tears A magician in white tie, tails, toper and cape walks on centre stage Marbeni Good evening, I am the Great Marbini, illusionist to King's. I have been privileged to have obtained second billing at theatres in Missouri, Polar Bluff and Norfolk Nebraska, and I will now perform for you a trick seen before only by the crowned heads of Europe. From this hat, I will produce Not one rabbit (roll on drums) not two rabbits (drums) but three rabbits. Next! Next! Next! (as Marbini walks off) Don't give up your day job.

Oscar

Light up on stage left. A line of performers enter through theatre doors, all sorts and sizes, many exotically attired. Bugsy and Blousey are among them Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey I wish they'd hurry up. I get nervous waiting. Quit worrying, will you? I didn't count on this many people. 0h this bunch are all conjurers and magicians by the look of it. You've got no competition, believe me. How do I look? You look great. I look a wreck.

A ventriloquist comes on, complete with dummy and chair. Dummy (badly) Hello everybody.

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Vent Dummy Oscar Well how are you, Clarence? Don't ask. I suppose you're wondering why I'm here. You bet. Next!

The ventriloquist begins to leave. The dummy has taken it worse than its owner has. It jabbers away as they leave the stage. Dummy What does he mean next? Doesn't he like us? Does he know who we are? I'll punch the sucker on the nose.

Finally its Blouseys turn, she moves centre stage. Blousey Oscar Blousey Oscar Blousey Blousey Brown. Singer. The light, honey. (nervously) er, sorry Mr. De Velt, I didn't catch that. The light, honey. Move into the light. So we can see you. This musical ain't set in a mine shaft. Name? Blousey Brown. Singer.

As a Blousey opens her mouth to sing, Lena Marelli bursts in from the back of the theatre. Lena Oscar, Oscar... I'm back! I'll give you one more chance; else Im out for good. You hear me, Oscar. Out! Out! Out!

Oscar has welcomed her and joined her as she walks on stage. Lena takes over the spotlight from Blousey, cattily dismissing her. Lena 0. K. Honey. Beat it back to Iowa, this show has got its star back. Lenas come home. Hit it, Joe!

Song 06

Show Business (Lena Marrelli)


A chance to show if You got what it takes Give it your best and You're on your way Let the big band play! Show business It's lucky breaks A chance to show if You got what it takes Give it your best and You're on your way Start the show I'm here to stay! Yes I'm here to Stay!

Im in show business I've travelled far That's right you got it, a neon star I started at the bottom But I reached the top And once your names in lights You know you'll never stop Show business is all I need Gimme the chance and I'll take the lead When the music's playing I can't help but sing And with the dancers swaying I'm right in the swing of it Show business It's lucky breaks At the end of the song, Lena exits as does Oscar. The gauze goes out The lights come up on the Street cloth Bugsy Cheer up, there's a million other jobs.

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Blousey Sure, on the street corner with a hat to catch the dimes in.

She kicks at a stack of cardboard boxes full of costumes. Bugsy Blousey Its only a matter of time. Look, cool it will you? Ive been walking the streets of New York for six months now and the only fancy steps I've done so far are avoiding the man who collects the rent. So it takes time to be a movie star! We could come back tomorrow. Come back tomorrow! Come back tomorrow. That's all I ever hear. I spent my whole life coming back tomorrow.

Bugsy Blousey

Blousey kicks the boxes of costumes once more. They topple into the orchestra. Bugsy Blousey Knock it off will you Blousey! Cool down! I will not cool down! I will not!

Blousey has sat down on a box. She has her head in her hand. Sobbing. Bugsy consoles her, a hand on her shoulder. He loans her his handkerchief Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Don't worry, there's always Fat Sam's place. He won't see me. I'll talk to him. You know him? Know him? Were like that (he crosses his fingers) Real good friends? No, not exactly. It's just that when I talk to him I cross my fingers that he won't hit me.

The lights dim and Bugsy and Blousey exit. Radio Announcer offstage Radio announcer We interrupt our commentary on tonight's exciting red-sox ball game to bring you a further bulletin on developments in the latest outbreak of hoodlum gang warfare. Police now officially state that the new weapon, of devious foreign manufacture, known as the splurge gun, is being widely used by the mobster gangs. We interrupt our interruption to go straight over to our reporter, Seymour Scoop, who is on the spot at the latest splurging..

The Street cloth goes out to reveal several upturned tables and chairs Smolsky and ODreary enter to investigate Seymour Scoop, ace reporter, asks the questions, microphone in hand. The wire of the microphone is attached to a soundman who has earphones. The cord is very short and Seymour Scoop very persistent, so that the soundman gets dragged around the stage by his earphones Scoop ODreary Have you located the splurge gun yet, Lieutenant? Im afraid I can't answer that.

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Scoop ODreary Scoop ODreary Scoop ODreary You're not at liberty to say? No, I don't know the answer. Have you located the source yet, Lieutenant? Sure I had it on my hamburger for lunch No, the source of the guns. 0h. Yeah, er I mean, no. I mean I'm not at liberty to say. You'll have to ask captain Smolsky that question.

ODrearys boss Captain Smolsky has entered Smolsky O.K. ODreary, break this crowd up. Let's go guys. Split. This is police business and police business weve gotta do. Er, Seymour Scoop, R T Z radio, Captain Smolsky. Can you tell us if you have located the splurge guns yet? No comment. Have you located the source? No comment. Captain Smolsky, is it true the guns are being used by only one gang? No comment. I fixed you a pastrami on rye sandwich, Chief. No comment. O.K. get out of here.

Scoop

Smolsky Scoop Smolsky Scoop Smolsky ODreary Smolsky

The policemen push the pressmen off the stage. Smolsky returns to centre stage where ODreary has brought on the violinist. The violinist is a recent immigrant of Eastern European decent. His accent is as thick as his moustache. Smolsky tips back his hat. Smolsky Violinist Smolsky Violinist Now, we know there were five guys here. What else did you see? Nuttink. I see nuttink You must have seen sometink! Nuttink. Honestly Mr. Cop. I see nuttink. I came on the boat just this year. I got papers. I O.K. I see nuttink. I just play music. I mind own business. I no need cement overcoat.

ODreary brushes away on the floor with his precinct fingerprint kit. He blows baby powder over the clue. ODreary Smolsky ODreary Captain, I found something. What is it ODreary? A brush, captain?

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Smolsky ODreary Smolsky ODreary No, what have you found? A Gun, captain? What kind of gun? A big gun, Captain!

Smolsky bashes him with his hat. Smolsky Knuckle head. I send you on a six a month fingerprint course and all you can tell me is its a big gun! You noodle brained Irish stew pot. (Smolsky bashes him with his hat all the way to the wings)

Lights dim Street cloth comes in Bugsy comes on stage to resume his role as narrator Follow spot on Bugsy The stage is cleared behind Street cloth Bugsy As you've probably gathered, Smolsky and ODreary have about as much chance of solving this case as I have of being President of the United States. Apart from the subway home the only thing Smolsky ever caught was Asian flu. Meanwhile back in our story, Fat Sam is definitely getting a little nervous. I mean, if you had a gang of dumb bums like this to rely on you'd be nervous.

Fat Sams gang enter from stage right

Song 07

Bad Guys (Fat Sams gang)


We're the very best at being bad We could've been anything that we wanted to be We took the easy way out With little training, we mastered complaining Manners seemed unnecessary We're so rude, it's almost scary We could've been anything that we wanted to be With all the talent we had With little practice, we made every black list We're the very best at being bad We're the very best at being bad We're the very best at being bad

We could've been anything that we wanted to be But don't it make your heart glad That we decided, a fact we take pride in We became the best at being bad We could've been anything we wanted to be With all the talent we had No doubt about it, we whine and we tout it We're the very best at being bad guys We're rotten to the core And my congratulations no one likes you any more Bad guys, we're the very worst Each of us contemptible, we're criticised and cursed We made the big time, malicious and mad The Street cloth goes out during song At the end of the song Lights on Fat Sams office Fat Sam

What the heck is going on here, you dummies? Can I believe my eyes? You bunch off peanut brains, you hear me? Get up here, pronto. Snap it up. Get your legs moving in this direction!

The gang goes up to Fat Sam's office. Snake Eyes throws his dice on the table. Knuckles cracks his knuckles Fat Sam Quit throwing the dice, Snake Eyes.

Snake Eyes Sorry, Boss

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Bugsy Malone
Fat Sam Knuckles Fat Sam And quit cracking the knuckles, Knuckles. Sorry, boss I swear I'm surrounded by a bunch off nervous wrecks. Right. Lets start at the beginning. Were being outsmarted by that lounge lizard, right? Right, boss And were gonna get right back on top. Right? Right back on top boss. Were gonna kick that drug store cowboy right into line. You bet, Boss (humble) Sure. We've been a little slow off the mark, but when it comes to the crunch, dumb bums we aint. No, dumb bums we ain't.

Gang Fat Sam Gang Fat Sam Gang Fat Sam

Gang

Unconvincing. They look and sound remarkably like dumb bums to the audience. Fat Sam Louis Fat Sam Louis Fat Sam Now, I'm gonna tell you knuckle heads where were going wrong. Louis. Stand against the wall. Who me, boss? Are you Shake Down Louis? Sure I am, Boss The same Shake Down Louis that used to be Harvey Spleendecker befores I gave you the name Shake Down Louis? Yeah, thats me, Boss. (shouting) then stand against the wall, porridge brain. Ritzy, hand me a pie.

Louis Fat Sam

Ritzy hands him a mean looking custard pie. Louis Fat Sam A pie, boss? What I do wrong? Talk to me Boss. Tell me what I did wrong! You didn't do nothing Louis. Nothing. (He throws the pie, but Louis ducks. The pie splatters the wall) See what I mean? Missed. O.K. Louis you can sit down now. See, even a dumb mug like Louis is too quick for us. Thats the root of our trouble. Were behind the times. I don't get it, Boss. Knuckles, were never gonna get on top with this kind of hardware. It's old fashioned. Obsolete. Defunct. In short, we gotta get ourselves that gun.

Knuckles Fat Sam

Light goes down on office. A light goes up stage right on phone booth A shady looking character looks furtively over his shoulders. He's dressed in Chinese laundry clothes. He tip toes to the phone box at the side of the stage. A phone rings

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Bugsy Malone
Shady Hello Sam.

Light up just on Fat Sam Fat Sam Shady Fat Sam Shady Fat Sam Shady Fat Sam Yeah, start gabbin. I located the guns. Spill, shady. Spill. You know the Hung Foo Shin laundry? On East 14th Street? Thats it. Second floor. Behind the laundry. Thanks, Shady. I'll see youre O.K. Good boy. Dis is good news. I'll be sending my boys.

Lights down on Fat Sam Shady walks forward and the Street cloth comes in (the laundry is set behind) Shady walks to centre stage where he meets Dandy Dan who pays out crisp dollar bills from her crocodile skin purse. Dandy Shady Dandy Good work, Shady. You earned your money. Thanks, Dandy Dan. Sams boys are in for quite a party. Now get out of here.

Shoulders has walked on out of Shadys sight. He holds a pie at head height behind Shady. Shady turns and walks straight into it. Stiffens. Collapses. Dandy Dan retrieves his money and returns it to his wallet. Undertakers and mourners enter and remove the body Dandy Shoulders, if there's one thing I can't abide, its a two timing Canary.

Song 08

It aint what you do (Dandy Dans gang)


Aint what you do, it's the time that you do it Ain't what you do, it's the way that you do it That's what gets results You've learned your ABCs, you've learned your DFGs But this is something you don't learn in school So get your hip boots on, and then you carry on But remember not to try too hard or it don't mean a thing Ain't what you do, it's the way that you do it Ain't what you do, it's the way that you do it Ain't what you do, it's the way that you do it That's what gets results Ain't what you do, it's time that you do it Ain't what you do, it's time that you do it Ain't what you do, it's time that you do it

When I was a kid, about half past three My ma said daughter, come here to me Says, things may come and things may go But this is one thing you ought to know Ain't what you do, it's the way that you do it Ain't what you do, it's the way that you do it Ain't what you do, it's the way that you do it That's what gets results Ain't what you do, it's time that you do it Ain't what you do, it's time that you do it Ain't what you do, it's time that you do it That's what gets results You can try hard, don't mean a thing Take it easy, easy, in the jive'n swing Ain't what you do, it's the place that you do it

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Bugsy Malone
That's what gets results Ain't what you do, it's the time you do it Ain't what you do, it's the time you do it Ain't what you sing it's the way that you sing it That's what gets results That's what gets results

Lights go down. The gauze comes in The Street cloth goes out to reveal the laundry. There is a loud noise from the rear of the auditorium as Louis, Ritzy and Snake Eyes burst in. Each carries a pie. Lights come up on stage revealing a number of Chinese laundry workers Louis, Ritzy and Snake Eyes enter the laundry Dan's gang enter. Dans gang Freeze! The unfortunate Louis, Ritzy and Snake Eyes are well and truly splurged. Dandy Dan walks on with Lou. The undertakers remove the stiffened bodies of Sams gang. The violinist, as always, accompanies them, physically and musically, with suitable melancholic music. Lou Dandy Lou Dandy Yuk, what a mess. Just a days work, my dear, just a days work. Like running a railway or shoeing a horse. Sam aint gonna like this, honey. He aint gonna do nothin about it, my dear. Without his gang he's like a tortoise without its shell. Soon hell be throwin in the towel.

The Street cloth comes in (the stage is cleared behind and Sam is in is office with Knuckles) Dandy Dan and Lou bite into their apples as they reprise the song

Song 08a

It aint what you do (Dandy Dan and Lou) Reprise

At the end of the song, the Street cloth goes out Light up on Sam's office. A phone rings Knuckles sits on the edge of the desk as Sam takes the phone call. Bad news. Fat Sam What! I don't believe it! The whole gang? Every body? Louis, Snake Eyes and Ritzy? I don't believe it. I just don't believe it!

He slowly puts the receiver down. Fat Sam The whole gangs gone, Knuckles, splurged. That leaves just you and me. Just you and me, Knuckles! Were on our own. What we gonna do, Boss?

Knuckles

Knuckles cracks his knuckles nervously Fat Sam Don't do that, Knuckles. How many more times have I got to tell you! We do nothing. We act like nothing's happened. Carry on as normal. Tutto casa sono buono. Whats that mean Boss? You don't speak Italian?

Knuckles Fat Sam

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Bugsy Malone
Knuckles Fat Sam Knuckles Fat Sam No, boss. (Incredulous) you call yourself a hoodlum and you don't even speak Italian? No boss, I'm Jewish. We play it cool. We relax. Like everythings normal.

There is a knock on the door (Blousey). Sam nearly jumps out of the skin as he leaps behind his desk for protection. Knuckles joins him. Sam and Knuckles would win no awards for bravery. There is another knock. Fat Sam Go see who it is, Knuckles. Act normal.

Knuckles gets up and gingerly opens the door. Its Blousey. Knuckles Its the broad about the audition, Boss. He's busy lady. Come back tomorrow.

He closes the door. Fat Sam leaps up and opens the door. He calls out to Blousey. Fat Sam No, wait honey! Wait. (he turns to Knuckles) We act like normal, right? So acting normal means acting normal. (Out of door) Well be right there, honey. Make yourself comfortable. Well be a couple of minutes. Go powder your nose or something. (Closes door) See, just like normal. That way they won't know were scared to deather, I don't mean scared I mean, er concerned. We buy ourselves a little time. Thinking time, right Knuckles? Come over here, I'm gonna send for someone to help us out of our little predicament. No ten cent dummy, you hear. A specialist.

He takes a photo from his drawer. Knuckles Fat Sam Knuckles Fat Sam Knuckles Fat Sam (puzzled) A Doctor, Boss? Not a doctor, you bilberry. A hoodlum. I thought we were hoodlums, Boss. Not a dumb bum, Knuckles. This guys the real McCoy. Looney Bergonzi? The very same. Off his trolley, mad as a Hatter Bergonzi, the best man in Chicago. Right. Heres what we do. (he snatches back the photo) we arrange a meeting with Dandy Dan. (he picks up the telephone and dials as he speaks) Bergonzi will be in the back of the car, next to me. Knuckles you drive. Right. (pause) But I don't drive, Boss. You don't drive? You motzah head. (into telephone) Oh! Hello! Is that Dandy Dans residence? Could I speak to herself please. This is Sam Stacetto. Don't worry what it's about fellah, she'll know me. (he puts his hand over the receiver as he talks to knuckles) You don't drive? Then we gotta get ourselves a driver.

Knuckles Fat Sam

Light up on Dandy Dan A phone rings She answers the phone from her armchair Dandy Hello. Hi Sam. What can I do for you?

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Bugsy Malone
Fat Sam Dandy Fat Sam Dandy Fat Sam I want to meet you Dandy, to do a little talking. Where? East Chester Park. Fiveways. At Lexburg and Denver. You hearing me? Yeah, I'm hearing you, Sam. But you come alone. No Hoods, mind. No Hoods, Dan. You have my word. (he puts hand over receiver) Whats she talking about? Don't bring your Hoods, shes wiped out all my Hoods. (back to phone) Just you and me and our drivers. Agreed.

Dandy

They both put down their phones together. Dandy Fat Sam Got him, the knucklehead. Got her, the salami.

Lights out on both Lights up on Speakeasy Fizzy is rehearsing his dance. Bugsy enters. Bugsy Fizzy Bugsy Fizzy Bugsy Fizzy Hi Fizzy. Hi Bugsy. How we doing? Still practising? Still practising. Have you seen Blousey? I thought she was here for her audition. Oh, she was here, but she went to get some air. She got tired of waiting. She left her bag so I guess she's coming back. Thanks Fizzy

Bugsy

Tallulah has entered and leans on the rail at the edge of the stairs to Sams office. Tallulah Bugsy Suddenly everyone wants to be in show business. Oh, hi Tallulah

Tallulah is joined by Loretta, Dotty and Tillie. Tallulah Bugsy Girls Bugsy Tallulah He's busy Bugsy. Why don't you have a drink while you're waiting? Why not? I'll have a special on the rocks. Hi Bugsy. Hi Loretta, Dotty, Tillie O.K. girls, go feed the ducks.

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Bugsy Malone
Girls Tallulah Oh Tallulah! I said beat it.

They leave the way they came. Tallulah and Bugsy sit down at a table. A waiter brings on two bright green specials on a tray. He leaves. Fizzy is still practising his dance Tallulah Bugsy Tallulah Bugsy Tallulah Bugsy Long time no see Bugsy. Well you know how it is. You used to come and see me every night. Ive been busy. Doing what? 0h this and that.

Tallulah is irritated by Fizzy dancing in the background. Tallulah Fizzy Fizzy exits. Tallulah Bugsy Youre aces, you know that Bugsy? I've always found you kind of special. Careful Tallulah, you're racing my motor. Fizzy! Will you quit dancing and hit the shoe leather? Yes Maam.

She edges closer, very seductive. Tallulah Bugsy Tallulah Bugsy Tallulah Bugsy Tallulah Come on Bugsy, give a girl a break You sure you got the right guy? Oh, you're not like all those other saps. No? You've got lovely brown eyes. Theyll be lovely black eyes if Fat Sam catches us Come on sugar, how about smearing my lipstick?

She pouts her lips. Bugsy Tallulah Tallulah I'm warning you, if you come any closer I'll call my lawyer. So call him.

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Bugsy Malone
She pulls him to her and plants a smacker right on his forehead. Blousey enters, and Knuckles, who shouts up the stairs. Blousey scowls at Bugsy. Knuckles Bugsy Blousey Ready Boss. The Broads ready for her audition. Oh, hi Blousey, I was looking for you. Hush your mouth, jerk

Fat Sam enters from his office. Fat Sam O.K. Honey, I'm all ears.

They sit astride chairs, side of stage while Blousey sits centre-stage and sings to the audience

Song 09

Im Feeling Fine (Blousey)


Love at its best A pleasure to make it A chance and a test I'm willing to take it If this strange new feeling Is something that you're feeling too If this is love, it's a rhapsody I'd rather sing it like a song And if you're singing it back to me Forget about sophistication Keep it simple That's my style Love at its best A pleasure to make it A chance and a test I'm willing to take it If this strange new feeling Is something that you're feeling too?

I'm feeling fine Filled with emotions Stronger than wine They give me the notion That this strange new feeling Is something that you're feeling too Matter of fact I'm forced to admit it Caught in the act, and maybe we've hit it Is this strange new feeling Something that you're feeling too? If this is love, it's a rhapsody I'm gonna sing it like a song And if you're singing it back to me Forget about sophistication Keep it simple That's my style

Fat Sam listens for a while and then abruptly brings the audition to an end by clapping his hands. Fat Sam O.K. Honey, thats enough. Very nice. Very nice. A little too contemporary for my taste, but all the same, very nice. Youre hired.

He snaps his fingers and his entourage follows him off-stage. Bugsy goes up to Blousey who is collecting her music. Bugsy Great Blousey. That was really swell. I told you youd make it. That was terrific, really terrific.

Blousey is not listening. She storms off. Bugsy Blousey! What's the matter with you? Look I can explain all that Tallulah smoochin..

Blousey exits to the dressing room as Fat Sam calls Bugsy from his office. Fat Sam Bugsy Bugsy, Howd you like to earn yourself some green stuff? As long as you're not talking about cabbages. What's the catch?

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Bugsy Malone
Fat Sam Bugsy Fat Sam Bugsy Fat Sam Bugsy Fat Sam Bugsy Fat Sam No catch, this is a job driving. Straightforward driving. Knowing you Sam, it'll be ducking and driving. Whats the pay? Two hundred. Cents? No, dollars. Dollars! Sounds like dangerous driving. Nah, sure it might get a little hot, but you don't get 200 dollars for driving a milk truck Bugsy. O.K., you got yourself a driver. Good boy. Good boy. Knuckles! Get me a drink. Things are shaping up real fine, and I'm getting real thirstybloodthirsty!

Bugsy pinches the flowers from Fat Sams desk. He goes down the stairs and knocks on the dressing room door. Bangles opens the door Bugsy Bangles Hi Bangles. Is Blousey there? She won't see you Bugsy. She's mad. She was holding a torch for you higher than the Statue of Liberty. Look, just tell her I'm sick, will you? Youre sick? Yeah, sick of waiting here. I'll see what I can do. But don't count on it.

Bugsy Bangles Bugsy Bangles

Bugsy straightens his tie and pats the flowers. Blousey appears at the door. Blousey Bugsy Beat it wisey. Give me a break Blousey. I've bought you some flowers.

She takes them. Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey I'll see Tallulah gets them. Quit being so smart, O.K.? Theyre for you. Look, I've got to go. I'll see you later. Yeah, like 10 years later. Ive got a job. You don't get paid for standing in breadlines buster.

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Bugsy Malone
Bugsy A legit job. Well have enough money for two tickets to the coast and Hollywood. Who knows, they're always looking for new stars (she interrupts) oh sure. I'll believe it when I see it. Two minutes everybody. I really have to go. Bye Look Blousey, trust me. (unconvinced) Sure.

Blousey Fizzy Blousey Bugsy Blousey

Blousey closes the door. Bugsy walks to the front of the stage. The gauze cloth comes in behind him. Bugsy (to audience) I know, I know, never trust anyone who says trust me. But I was on the level, honest I was. I wanted to buy her the tickets but first I had to earn the 200 bucks, driving Sam and Looney. Looney Bergonzi. (shakes head) Boy, when they said he was off this trolley, they weren't kidding.

Fat Sam walks on with two cut-out tree and gives them to Bugsy. Bugsy hides Fat Sam Bugsy Fat Sam Quick Bugsy, here she comes. Is she alone? Yep. Looks like just Dan and the driver. Good. Looney get ready. Looney. Looney.

Looney Bergonzi comes on with his pies and hides with Bugsy Fat Sam Keep out of sight. Keep your head down. Wait till I give you the OK. Right?

Looney seems to be somewhere else. Fat Sam pats Looneys cheeks. Looney seems to come round. Dandy Dan walks on centre-stage. Sam brushes himself down and walks centre-stage to meet Dan. Some of the hoods enter hiding behind trees Dandy Fat Sam Dandy Fat Sam Dandy Fat Sam Dandy Fat Sam What can I do for you, Sam? How about a small dose of straight talk, Dan? Suits me. You've been taking liberties Dan. Ive been taking whats mine. Trouble is, it belongs to me. Too bad. Possession is nine tenths of the law, Sam Now hang on, Dan! I'm sure we can talk things over sensibly. We've been in this game a long time, yous and me. After all, I'm a businessman! Youre a dime a dozen gangster, Sam.

Dandy

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Bugsy Malone
Fat Sam Dandy Fat Sam Dandy Fat Sam Dandy Fat Sam Dandy Fat Sam Now you button you're lip, missy. I don't like your mouth. I have to have some respect. You'd slit your own throat for two bits plus tax. You keep your wisecracks behind your teeth, missy. Keep talking. I have my position to think of. Right now, your position aint worth a plug nickel. You dirty rat, Dan. (James Cagney-ish) (smiling) You've been watching too many movies Sam. O.K. Looney, let her have it!

Looney leaps from behind a tree. His green pies seem to be at the ready, but there doesn't seem to be much intelligence flickering behind his crazy, staring eyes. Bugsy still crouches behind the cut out bush. Dandy Yonkers! Charlie! Quick, its a double Cross!

Dans gang appear from behind the other cut-out trees. They have their splurge guns at the ready. They approach Looney and splurge him considerably before he can react. He collapses. Rigid. Bugsy takes the initiative. He grabs the petrified Sam. Bugsy Come on Mr. Stacetto, let's get out of here!

The lights go out. The spots sweep the stage. Bugsy guides Sam off the stage and they do a complete circuit of the auditorium. When they arrive back on stage, Dan and his gang are gone. Fat Sam (out of breath) You did great, Bugsy. Great. Heres your 200 dollars, and a hundred extra for your quick thinking. Gee, thanks Mr. Stacetto. Treat yourself to a new suit. Get rid of that laundry sack you're wearing. Heres the name of my tailor. (he hands him a card) Thanks Mr. Stacetto. Think nothing of it. My pleasure. Right now, let's get out of here.

Bugsy Fat Sam

Bugsy Fat Sam

The lights dim as they exit SR and Blousey enter SL Light up on Blousey to one side of the stage

Song 09a

Bugsy Malone (Blousey)


A city slicker He can charm you With a smile and a style all his own Everybody loves that man Bugsy Malone

He's a sinner Candy-coated For all his friends He always seems to be alone But they love him Bugsy Malone

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Bugsy Malone
The gauze goes out Lights up on stage to reveal Speakeasy guests Fat Sam, Bugsy and Blousey join the guests at the Speakeasy

Song 10

Anything Goes (Speakeasy Group including Blousey, Fat Sam & Bugsy)
If driving fast cars you like, If low bars you like If old hymns you like If bare limbs you like If Mae West you like Or me undressed you like Why, nobody will oppose! When every night, The set that's smart Is intruding in nudist parties in studios, Anything Goes Tap

Times have changed And weve often rewound the clock Since the Puritans got a shock When they landed on Plymouth Rock If today Any shock they should try to stem Stead of landing on Plymouth Rock Plymouth Rock would land on them In olden days a glimpse of stocking Was looked on as something shocking But now, God knows Anything goes! Good authors too, who once knew better words Now only use four-letter words Writing prose Anything goes! The world has gone mad today And good's bad today And black's white today And day's night today When most guys today That women prize today Are just silly gigolos And though I'm not a great romancer, I know that Im bound to answer, When you propose, Anything goes! Tap When grandmama whose age is eighty In night clubs is getting matey with gigolo's Anything goes When mothers pack and leave poor father Because they decide they'd rather be tennis pros Anything goes

The world has gone mad today And good's bad today And black's white today And day's night today When most guys today That women prize today Are just silly gigolos And though I'm not a great romancer, I know that Im bound to answer, When you propose, Anything goes! If saying your prayers you like If green pears you like If old chairs you like If back stairs you like If love affairs you like With young bears you like Why nobody will oppose And though I'm not a great romancer, I know that Im bound to answer, When you propose, Anything goes! Anything goes!

Blackout Curtain

Page 28 of 51

Bugsy Malone ACT II


The house tabs open to the full company.

Song 11

The time of your life (Full Company)


Then they had the strength they'd need (To get through stormy weather) Do or die, you gotta try It's the time of your life so live it well It's the time of your life so live it well We may only go 'round this one time As far as I can tell (He could be wrong about that) It's the time of your life so live it well (Time, life) Isn't it a bit surprising How one's fortunes ebb and flow And only to the enterprising Does the magic fortune cookie go Believe me It's the time of your life so live it well It's the time of your life so live it well We may only go 'round one time As far as I can tell It's the time of your life (Time, Life) It's the time of your life (Time, Life) It's the time of your life so live it well (Time, life)

Was a man, little man, hardly there How he felt, what he dreamed, who would care? Without any evidence (His flaws were many) He was full of confidence (Some people haven't any) Didn't have much common sense (It's highly over-rated) He just knew that he'd come through It's the time of your life so live it well It's the time of your life so live it well We may only go 'round this one time As far as I can tell (He could be wrong about that) It's the time of your life (Time, Life) It's the time of your life (Time, Life) It's the time of your life so live it well (Time, life) Like us all he started small, then he grew When the time came he knew what to do He knew in order to succeed (Theyd have to work together) He turned a rock into a seed (And they were changed forever)

At the end of the song, the Speakeasy guests are in position to watch Tallulah and the dancers perform

Song 12

My Name is Tallulah (Tallulah and the dancers, including Blousey)


If you're lonely You don't have to be lonely When they talk about Tallulah You know what they say No one south of Heaven's Gonna treat you finer Tallulah had her training In North Carolina My name is Tallulah And soon I'll be gone An open invitation Is the road I'll travel on I'll never say goodbye Because the words upset me You may forgive my going But you won't forget me Lonely, You don't have to be lonely Come and see Tallulah

My name is Tallulah My first rule of thumb I don't say where I'm going Or where I'm coming from I try to leave a little reputation behind me So if you really need to You'll know how to find me My name is Tallulah I live till I die I'll take what you give me And I won't ask why I've made a lot of friends In some exotic places I don't remember names But I remember faces Lonely, You don't have to be lonely Come and see Tallulah We can chase your troubles away

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Bugsy Malone
We can chase your troubles away If you're lonely You don't have to be lonely When they talk about Tallulah You know what they say No one south of Heaven's Gonna treat you finer Tallulah had her training In North Carolina

During the number, Tallulah and the dancers move forward and the gauze comes in behind. The tables, chairs and Speakeasy guests are struck and the girls dressing room set. Tallulah is performing to an imaginary audience in a dream At the end of the number the gauze goes out and Tallulah and the dancers are in their dressing room. We hear a phone ring. Tallulah answers it. Tallulah Yeah sure, Ill get her. Blousey! Its for you.

Blousey goes to the phone Tallulah (Sarcastically) Give him my love.

The lights come up on Bugsy in the phone booth at the side of the stage. Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Hello. Hey Blousey, its Bugsy. Where are you? Oh around. Listen. I can't talk to you now, but I've just made 200 bucks. You mean you printed it yourself? No I earned it, swear to God. (crosses himself) Doing what? 0h this and that. Who for? Fat Sam. Fat Sam gave you 200 dollars? And the loan of his sedan for the afternoon. I don't believe you. You're putting me on. Look, if you get yourself outside the Grand Slam in 10 minutes, look for the snazzy sedan with the good looking driver and youll find he has a very close resemblance to yours trulyO.K? O.K. But youd better not be putting me on, Buster. Cross my heart its on the level. So long.

Blousey Bugsy

The lights go down on Bugsy and Blousey puts on her hat and coat and exits during the next scene.

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Bugsy Malone
Bangles Blousey Bangles Date Blousey? Sort of. Im giving up guys, theyre nothing but trouble, believe me. From now on I'm looking for husbands. And I ain't getting too attached. I'm gonna change em regular like a library book. Hey! Don't you think I look cute? What do you think of the dress Tillie? I don't know, it's... Come on Tillie, say what you really think? Er, well, I don't know Bangles, maybe the colours wrong. What are you talking about? Purples my colour. I always wear purple. (Sarcastically) Yeah, it matches the veins in your legs. Maybe it's the length. Its the latest length. I read it in a magazine. Maybe it's the frills, they stick out too much. They match her ears. (angry) Do you think it will look any better on you? It will look better on a horse. You're just jealous. Can I help it if my looks are ahead of my time? Theyre what? (sexily) Full of personality... Character... Kinda earthy... Yeah, like a bucket of mud.

Tillie Bangles Tillie Bangles Loretta Tillie Bangles Tillie Loretta Bangles Loretta Bangles All Bangles Tallulah

The girls all laugh as Bangles storms out. Lights down. Musical reprise of Im feeling fine. The gauze cloth comes in and the swing/bench is set Lights up on side of stage where Blousey is sitting on the swing/bench Bugsy enters with two hot dogs. Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Mustard with onions, ketchup without. Ketchup without. Do you really have 200 dollars? Nope. Oh yeah, you lied. No, I've got 198 dollars and 10 cents, I just bought two hot dogs. You didn't do anything crooked, did you?

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Bugsy Malone
Bugsy Of course not. I got it for driving and for helping Mr. Sam out of a little predicament. Oh, I nearly forgot.

He hands a parcel to her. A big shoe box tied with a ribbon. Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Whats this, a finger bowl? No, a present wisie! For me? (he looks around him) Well I didn't buy it for the audience... Oh Bugsy, it's wonderful. Fantastic. What is it?

She looks through the wrong end of an old photo viewer. Bugsy A viewer, dummy. (he turns it round the correct way) Look, you turn the handle. All the Hollywood stars. Oh, if only I could get to Hollywood. You can. Oh sure, I've heard that one, wise guy... In the front row of the Roxy on East 38th Street. No, really get to Hollywood.

Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy

She beckons back with her thumb Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy You want me to leave? No, push me, dummy, and keep talking... I've got 198 dollars and 10 cents left, right? What does that buy? Er... (Counting on her fingers) 440 hot dogs. No, two tickets, stupid. Two tickets? On the Super Chief. Super Chief? The train, dummy! To Hollywood. Think about it.

There is silence. Bugsy moves away and starts to clean his fingers with a napkin.

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Bugsy Malone
Blousey (swinging and singing to herself) I'm feeling fine. Filled with emotions Stronger than wine. They give me the notion That this strange new feeling Is something that you're feeling too. ... tootoo Two tickets? Bugsy Blousey (over his shoulder) yeah, two tickets. (singing quietly) matter of fact, Im forced to admit it, Im caught in the act, and maybe we've hit it, if this strange new feeling is something that you're feeling toooooo So whats the answer? Did you honestly think it would be anything but yes? Oh Bugsy... (she embraces him) Hollywood! Knock it off will you? You're putting me on! Its the honest truth I tell you. (kisses his finger, touches her on the nose) It's just that if I don't get this sedan back soon Fat Sam will have my face looking like a plateful of yesterday's fettuccini.

Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy

There is a commotion and Bugsy and Blousey run off arm in arm. Lights down. The street cloth comes in as the gauze and swing go out. Dandy Dans gang come from stage right, Fat Sam comes on from stage left and they go into their song

Song 13

Hit the Road Sam (Fat Sam, Dandy Dan and Dandy Dans Gang)
(Hit the road Sam youre no longer the man, no more) Now lady, listen lady, don't ya treat me this-a way Cause I'll be back on my feet some day. (Don't care if you do 'cause it's understood) (You ain't got no money you just ain't no good.) Well, I guess if you say so Then I'd have to pack my things and go. (That's right) (Hit the road Sam youre no longer the man, no more, no more, no more, no more) (Hit the road Sam youre no longer the man, no more) What you say? (Hit the road Sam youre no longer the man, no more, no more, no more, no more) (Hit the road Sam youre no longer the man, no more) Well (Dont you come back no more) Uh, what you say?

(Hit the road Sam youre no longer the man, no more, no more, no more, no more) (Hit the road Sam youre no longer the man, no more) What you say? (Hit the road Sam youre no longer the man, no more, no more, no more, no more) (Hit the road Sam youre no longer the man, no more) Woah Woman, oh woman, don't treat me so mean, You're the meanest old woman that I've ever seen. I guess if you said so Then I'd have to pack my things and go. (That's right) (Hit the road Sam youre no longer the man, no more, no more, no more, no more) (Hit the road Sam youre no longer the man, no more) What you say? (Hit the road Sam youre no longer the man, no more, no more, no more, no more)

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Bugsy Malone
(Dont you come back no more) I didn't understand you (Dont you come back no more) You can't mean that (Dont you come back no more) Oh, now Dandy, please (Dont you come back no more) What you tryin' to do to me? (Dont you come back no more) Oh, don't treat me like that (Dont you come back no more)

At the end of the song, there is a police siren and they exit and we hear dramatic sleuthing type music. Smolsky and ODreary come on. They are examining the ground with large magnifying glasses. They separate across the stage in different directions. Smolsky Ahaa.! I think I've found something. Come and take a look at this, ODreary.

ODreary obediently runs to where his boss is crouched. ODreary Smolsky ODreary You've cracked it this time, Captain Smolsky. I have? (surprised) what do you see? Tell me, what do you see, ODreary? (carefully looking down) your foot, captain?

Smolsky takes off his hat and hits ODreary with it. Smolsky ODreary Smolsky Not my foot, knucklehead. Under my foot. Tyre marks! Oh, it's a tyre mark all right, captain. Too right a tyre mark, you Irish potato head. Get some plaster. Well take a mould.

ODreary runs off. Smolsky looks around for more clues Smolsky There ought to be more marks. There sure as eggs is eggs was more than one sedan around here. Hey, what's this?

He kneels down and ODreary promptly trips over him as he enters, pouring the white liquid over his boss. Smolsky ODreary Smolsky Aaaaaaaah! Gee captain. I'm sorry sir, I didn't see you there, honestly I didn't.. You dumb potato face Irish jerk!

He chases him a round the stage. ODreary Smolsky Couldn't help it, captainGee, I'm sorry, captain Smolsky. It was an accident, honestly. If I catch you, ODreary, I'm going to punch that stupid Irish nose right back to Tipperary.

They run off stage right. The gauze comes in as the Street cloth goes out. Fat Sam and Knuckles come on. Knuckles carries a strange contraption that looks like a mad combination of machine gun and butchers mincer. Sam carries a cardboard cut-out of Dandy Dan. He sets it up on one side of the stage as Knuckles prepares the gun on the other.

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Bugsy Malone
Knuckles Fat Sam Knuckles Fat Sam You sure this is going to work, boss? (cracks his knuckles) Of course it is. Knuckles, don't crack your knuckles, it makes me nervous. Sorry, boss. Of course it will work. It looks like a splurge gun, doesn't it?

Knuckles shakes his head Fat Sam Knuckles Fat Sam Knuckles Fat Sam Knuckles Fat Sam Knuckles Fat Sam (threatening) Doesn't it? Er... Sure Boss, kind of(He frowns) Anything Dandy Dan can do, Fat Sam can do better. Am I right or am I right? (Pondering the alternative) You're right, Boss. Right. Now, are you ready, Knuckles? Sure thing, Boss. O.K. Get set. I'm set, Boss. . And FIRE!

The gun explodes in a fountain of creamy splurge and clouds of smoke. Knuckles is covered in splurge and staggers around as Fat Sam goes to examine the cut-out of Dandy Dan. Fat Sam Missed! Back to the drawing board, Knuckles.

Meanwhile Knuckles has staggered across the stage in a semi-stiff state and finally collapses just out of sight behind the side of the stage. Fat Sam Knuckles... Speak to me, Knuckles... Knuckles!

He runs back and punches the cut-out of a Dan. Fat Sam It all your fault, I'll get you for this, you greasy lounge lizard...Knuckles. (Crying almost) Poor Knuckles (He rushes off left)

Lights down and up Bugsy enters at rear of theatre, whistling Im feeling fine. The gauze goes out to reveal boxes and rubbish Bugsy (to audience, as he sweeps and tidies up) as you can see from the mess here, things are looking kind of untidy in Fat Sam's life... And as for knuckles... Well, whatever game it was he was playing, he'd sure cashed his chips in, and as for Captain Smolsky well, he started out with the intention of chasing ODreary back to County Cork except he forgot that the had quick drying plaster all over him and very soon he was stiffer than some of those Hoods he occasionally dragged out of the East River (There is a moan from the rear of the stage). Anyway

Further moaning sounds. Bugsy walks to the back of the stage. There are a number of garbage cans and boxes of assorted rubbish. Bugsy approaches carefully. More moans.

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Bugsy Malone
Bugsy Hello, is anybody there? Hello.(more moans) are you hurt?

Suddenly he is jumped on by the man he is trying to help and four other down and outs who appear from behind the garbage cans. They start to beat him up. Suddenly Leroy enters from stage right. He rushes to Bugsys rescue, punching out the unfortunate down and outs in all directions. His punching power is awesome. His work done, he picks up Bugsy from the garbage cans. During the fight or as they walk across the stage, the street cloth comes in, the boxes are struck and the gym set. Leroy Bugsy Leroy Bugsy Leroy Bugsy Leroy Bugsy Leroy Bugsy Leroy Bugsy Leroy Bugsy Leroy Bugsy Leroy Bugsy Leroy Bugsy Leroy Bugsy They take your money, mister? (tapping his pocket) Yeah, 200 dollars less 90 cents. It was sure nice of you to help me like that. Oh, it was nothing. You must be a boxer, right? Nope! Youre not? But thats the best punching I've ever seen. Oh, it was nothing. You ever been coached? Nope. You ever thought of taking it up, I mean professionally? Nope. Why not? You could be a champion. Never thought about it. You haven't? Never had the chance. I know someone who could help you. You know Cagey Joe? Nope You know Sluggers Gym? Nope. You don't know much, do you? (big warm smile) Nope. Put it there, Leroy, you've got yourself a manager.

They exit stage left The Street cloth goes out to reveal a gym and boxing ring behind filled with boxers who are busy skipping, punching bags, sparring, exercising. Bugsy and Leroy enter from down the stairs.

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Bugsy Malone
Bugsy Joe Bugsy Joe Bugsy Hi, Cagey Joe! Hi, Bugsy. How you been, man? Swell, Cagey Joe, real swell. And you? For me, yeah. But this bunch of punch bags, the pits. Cagey Joe, I want you to meet the next heavyweight champion. Leroy, meet Cagey Joe. Cagey Joe, meet Leroy Smith. (circling Leroy and nervously removing his hat) ever been in the ring before, boy? Nope. So you wanna be a fighter, huh? Er, nope. Sure he does. Look at those mits. Did you ever see such shillelaghs? Hit it Leroy.

Joe Leroy Joe Leroy Bugsy

Leroy punches Bugsys out stretched hand, very hard. Bugsy winces. Cagey is impressed. Joe Leroy Bugsy Joe Leroy What's your name again, kid? Leroy Smith. With you showing him the ropes, Cagey Joe, he could be champion in no time. O.K. I'll give him a try. But I'll tell you now; he'll be no good unless he's got it. It? Whats it?

He stares at his hands as if it is some kind of disease. Bugsy Joe It is the difference between being a no-hoper slugger and being a champion. It's what makes a fighter special. If you havent got it, you just haven't got it.

Song 13

So you wanna be a boxer (Bugsy, Cagey Joe and boxers plus spectators)
So you wanna be a boxer Can you pass the test? I can tell you've got it in you I've trained the best When you work and you sweat And you bet that you train to a buzz saw Then you near lose your mind When you find that your boy has a glass jaw So you might as well quit If you haven't got it.

So you wanna be a boxer In the golden ring Can you punch like a southbound freight train? Tell me just one thing Can you move in a whirl like a humming bird's wing? If you need to Can you bob, can you weave Can you fake, and deceive When you need to? Well, you might as well quit If you haven't got it

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Bugsy Malone
Putting him in the ring, Joe Look at what you found We can use the fun, Joe Pushing him around Well show him the ropes And destroy his hopes Put him in the ring, Joe Give the guy a chance Let him feel the sting, Joe We can make him dance We'll pulp him to bits Then he'll call it quits For sure, Joe So you wanna be a boxer Want to be the champ There's a golden boy inside you Not a punched-out tramp If you listen and you learn During the song Leroy has his jacket and shirt and removed and gloves put on his hands. The other boxers form the ring on three sides. A bell sounds at the end of the songs and Leroy and his large opponent encircle one another, gloves held high. Leroy only throws one massive punch, but it is enough to floor his larger, burly opponent. All Joe All Cheers. He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. There's an honour you can earn and defend here When you do see the crown You're a king not a clown A contender But you might as well quit If you haven't got it Put him in the ring, Joe Something new to punch Let me have a swing, Joe Then we'll go to lunch We'll make it quite swift Then he'll get the drift Put him in the ring, Joe Chicken a la carte Let me have a wing, Joe Tearing him apart That chicken will crow Oh let me have him Joe

Leroy is centre stage front, taking the congratulatory back slaps. He stares at his lethal fists. He can't quite believe it either. Leroy Ive got it.

Play off music as the boxers exit Lights down. Lights up on Fat Sam's office Sam is sitting at his desk, worried. Tallulah sits on the edge of the desk painting her nails. The phone rings. Sam grabs it. Fat Sam Hellowhat? They got to the stillNot the sarsaparilla racket?

Lights up on the telephone booth. A boy tied up from head to toe is propped up in the telephone booth as he speaks. His name is Pickett. Pickett Its gone Boss. They got to the still. They had axes and chopped away at the barrels its all gone drained away. Every last drop. Oh no. Pickett, get round here right away. I can't, Boss. Im all tied up.

Fat Sam Pickett

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Bugsy Malone
Fat Sam I don't care how busy you are, get round here right away.

The lights dim on the unfortunate Pickett. The phone rings again. Fat Sam No, not the grocery racket? No. O.K. O.K. No, I'm sure you did all you could. Go home and get washed up.

He puts the phone down very slowly. He strokes the edge of his cocktail glass. Fat Sam That's the whole empire gone, Tallulah. You hear me? Everything. And they'll be coming here next. There's only one thing for it. You'll have to get him to help me. (Ultra cool) Who? The Lone Ranger? No, you dumb Dora. Bugsy Malone. Call him. (Tallulah picks up the phone and dials) I'm in trouble, real trouble, and all I got for company is a female comedian. No answer. I want you to go ask him for help. Personally. (pronounced Poysonally) Poysonally? (adamantly) Poysanally Poysanally. So long lover boy.

Tallulah Fat Sam

Tallulah Fat Sam Tallulah Fat Sam Tallulah

Tallulah blows him a kiss, and walks down the steps as the lights dim on Sam's office. The Street cloth comes in behind her as she walks forward. Lights up on centre stage where Bugsy is pacing up and down waiting for Blousey, his suitcase at the ready. A table, chairs and drinks trolley are set behind street cloth Tallulah Hi, Bugsy.

Bugsy turns quickly. Bugsy Blousey! Oh, it's you, Tallulah

As he does so he trips over his suitcase. Tallulah Bugsy Tallulah Bugsy Tallulah I like my men at my feet. What are you doing here, Tallulah? Put your flaps down, Tiger, else you'll take off. Ive got a message for you. So what's wrong with Western Union? Don't flatter yourself, Tiger, its Sam who wants to see you. Not me. Come on; lets go before your suspender belt strangles you. Im, waiting for someone. You are?

Bugsy Tallulah

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Bugsy Malone
Bugsy Tallulah For Blousey, were going to Hollywood. Well, you know what they say. Don't pack anything you can't put on the train home. Sams in trouble, Bugsy and I'm sure he'll see youre O.K.

She rubs her fingers together indicating money. Bugsy, who is broke, needs no more incentive. Bugsy I'll be right there.

They exit right of stage. The Street cloth goes out and lights come up to reveal a couple of speakeasy tables and a small bar with bottles on it. A barman, Joe, clears the classes as Sam stalks nervously down the stairs from his office. Fizzy washes the floor with a mop. He whistles, as usual. Fat Sam Fizzy Fat Sam Joe Fat Sam Joe Quit whistling, Fizzy, it makes me edgy. Sure, Boss (to the barman) Joe. Yes, Boss Fix me a double on the rocks. Sure thing, Boss.

As the pours the drink he notices the drooping flowers in Sam's lapel. He can't hold back a sly snigger. Fat Sam Joe Fat Sam Joe Fat Sam Joe Fat Sam Joe Fat Sam So what's funny, mister? You find me amusing? Nothing, BossNnno I wasn't smiling at you, honest I wasn't. You find my suit comical perhaps? Oh no, Boss. It was just your flower. Oh yeah... It kind of... droopy aint it. (laughing nervously) Yeah, a little, Boss. In fact, very droopy. Yeah Boss, very droopy. Here, hold it a minute will you? In needs a little water.

Sam passes the flower to Joe who holds it while Sam picks up a jug of water. He viciously empties the contents into Joe's face. He grabs him by the shirt and pulls him towards him. Fat Sam Now don't let me see you laughing at me again, you hear me, else I'll ram that smile right down your throat. I'm Fat Sam. Don't forget that! Number one man! Top dog! Mr. Big! Always have been. Always will be.

As he walks across the wet floor he falls flat on his back. Fizzy (after the event) Careful, Boss. The floors wet.

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Bugsy Malone
Fat Sam (running after him) You stupid broom-pushing no good hoofer. I'll break that mop over your head! You! You!

Bugsy enters. Fat Sam abruptly changes his aggressive mood, and opens his arms to Bugsy. Fat Sam Bugsy Fat Sam Oh, hi Bugsy. Glad you could make it. How you been? Fine Mr. Stacetto. And you? Oh, a little difficulty at the moment Bugsy. Please call me Sam. Why don't you pull up a chair and sitdown? Tallulah honey, fix him a drink will you? Whats your pleasure, Bugsy? Special on the rocks, Tallulah, please. (lowering his voice) Bugsy, I need your help. Im in a jam. Dandy Dan's breathing down my neck, and any day now she'll be taking over my entire organisation. But youve still got all this. (gestures around speakeasy) Not if Dandy Dan gets her way. I won't have a dime for a shoe-shine. Nothing? Not a red cent.

Tallulah Bugsy Fat Sam

Bugsy Fat Sam Bugsy Fat Sam

Tallulah has brought Bugsys drink and sits herself down. Sam doesn't want her there. Tallulah Fat Sam Tallulah Fat Sam Tallulah Fat Sam Tallulah There we go, one special on the rocks. Er...Tallulah, go fix your make up. I've already fixed it. Then go make yourself more beautiful than you already are. But you know thats impossible. (firmly) Tallulah! O.K. O.K. Ill go manicure my gloves.

She struts off up to the office. Fat Sam Bugsy, I need help, my gangs gone. My friends don't want to know me. My business ain't worth a hill of beans. I'm a wreck. In short, Bugsy, I need you. Me Sam? Why me? Cause you're no mug. You've got brains - up here. (touches Temple) Not pretzels. No. Rough stuff aint my line. Help me and I'll give you two hundred bucks to go with the other two hundred I already gave you.

Bugsy Fat Sam Bugsy Fat Sam

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Bugsy Malone
Bugsy Fat Sam Bugsy Fat Sam Bugsy Fat Sam Impossible. I thought you were smart? Impossible, because I already lost the first two hundred. You lost two hundred bucks. On a horse? No, I was mugged. (taking out his wallet and counting out the money) Tut, tut. Too many dishonest people around these days Bugsy. A hoodlum aint safe walking the streets. Here. Two hundred green ones. Plus... The two hundred that you lost. Four hundred dollars! Do we have a deal? Well? (fanning out the money) We have a deal.

Bugsy Fat Sam Bugsy

A phone rings. Lights up on the telephone booth, side of stage. Blousey is there. She has her suitcase with her. Tallulah answers the phone in the office. Blousey Tallulah Bugsy Fat Sam Hello. Is Bugsy there, please? Sure, I'll get him for you, honey. Bugsy, it's for you. Its Blousey. Excuse me a minute, Sam Sure thing, Bugsy. Use the phone all you want. Treat this place as your own. Phone home. Phone Europe. Phone wherever you want. (nervous laugh) after all, if Dandy Dan takes over this place shell be paying the phone bill. Ha ha. ( his laugh fools no one)

Bugsy counts the money as he trots up the stairs to Sam's room to take the call. Lights down on Sam, up on Bugsy. Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Blousey Bugsy Hello Blousey. Bugsy, is that you? What are you doing there? We said eight-thirty and you're an hour late. Something came up. Like what? Like business. Oh yeah, with Tallulah? Not with Tallulah, wisie. Did you get the tickets? Er, no. Not yet. I told you, somethings come up. You promised me, Bugsy. You promised me. I Know, but this is business, Blousey, and it cant wait. Hollywood can.

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Bugsy Malone
Blousey An hour I've been waiting here, Bugsy, and when first you didn't show I gave you the benefit of the doubt and then I got nervous and called every pool hall dive in the phone book. They hadnt seen you but, boy, did they all know you!

Tallulah has brought Bugsys drink from downstairs. As she puts it down on the desk she gives Bugsy a gentle peck on the side of the cheek. Bugsy Blousey Get off, Tallulah You rat. You two-timing bog Irish meatball wop!

She slams the phone down. All lights go out except on her. She cries and walks forward with her suitcase, front of stage. She sits on her case and sings.

Song 15

Ordinary Fool (Blousey)


Love songs and laughs for the blues When a road I've walked before Ends alone at my front door I shouldnt cry, but I do Like an ordinary fool When her ordinary dreams fall through It's a lesson that I've learned And a page I should have turned I shouldn't cry, but I do Like an ordinary fool When her ordinary dreams fall through

Only a fool, like fools before me I always think with my heart Only a fool, that same old story Seems I was born for the part It's a lesson that I've learned And a page I should have turned I shouldn't cry, but I do Like an ordinary fool When her ordinary dreams fall through How many times have I mistaken? Good looks and laughs for bad news How many times have I mistaken?

At the end of the song Blousey picks up her bag and leaves stage left. Lights down and the Street cloth comes in Bugsy enters from the audience. He calls Leroys name into the dark stage. Bugsy Leroy. Hey Leroy, wake up. Come on. Leroy!

Leroy enters in his pyjamas. He has obviously been woken from a deep sleep. He carries a window, which he props up and peers out of, behind a curtain. Leroy Bugsy Leroy Bugsy Who is it? What do you want? Its me, Leroy, Bugsy. Get dressed and come with me. We got a job. You got me a crack at the title already? No, this is a different kind of job.

Leroy duck's back into his window. Leroy I'm tired, Bugsy. Come back in the morning.

Leroy leaves the stage. Bugsy perseveres

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Bugsy Malone
Bugsy Itll be too late in the morning. (no reply) You'll be working for Fat Sam Stacetto. You'll be hitting Dandy Dan where it hurts (last chance) er and theres two hundred dollars in it for you.

Leroy appears immediately on this last line. He is fully dressed, plus hat. Leroy I'll do it!

Leroy jumps down and joins Bugsy. They exit right. The Street cloth goes out Light up on the speakeasy. The girls sit at the tables, talking quietly. There is an air of uneasy expectancy. Fizzy sweeps and whistles his tune Tomorrow. Blousey enters left with her suitcase. Fat Sam comes down the stairs of his office. He claps his hands. Fat Sam Come on you guys, this place is like a morgue. Let's have a little optimism here. Were not on poverty row yet. How about some music?

The piano plays tomorrow and the girls join in, gently humming the melody. Fat Sam Blousey Fat Sam Blousey Fat Sam Oh, hi Blousey, I thought you was on your way to the coast. It fell through. Oh, shame. Tough. Mr. Stacetto, do you think I could have my job back? Sure Honey, go right in. The more the merrier. (he moves off)

The girls spot Blousey. Bangles Tillie Hi Blousey. Dyou miss your train? Hi Blousey, what happened? Your guy let you down?

Tallulah comes down the stairs. Loretta Hi, Blousey, how you been?

Blousey says nothing. She brushes past them and exits up the stairs. Bangles Tallulah Did you ever see a broad carry a torch so high? Yeah, the Statue of Liberty.

Lights down The Gauze comes in along with a sign that says Dock 17. Dock 17 is set behind the gauze Spotlight on Bugsy and Leroy, side of the stage, behind a couple of barrels Lights come up behind the gauze to reveal the guards unloading the crates of guns Bugsy Leroy Bugsy Ssh. There's a truck pulling up. Splurge guns. (looking around) Where? On the crates, stupid. Look what it says on the side of the truck.

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Bugsy Malone
Leroy Bugsy Leroy Bugsy Leroy I can't. Can't you read? (lying) Er no, just a little shortsighted. What does it say? It says: Splurge Imports Inc. Dock 17, East River. This must be the place where they keep the guns. Well, let's go.

Bugsy restrains him. Bugsy Leroy Bugsy Hold your horses. There must be a dozen guards there. There are? Two on the roof. Two on the side. Two on the front its no good just the two of us. What are we going to do, Leroy? Go home? There must be a way in. Don't be stupid, Bugsy. Well never slug our way through that lot. I guess you're right. Wed need an army to get through. (looking around him) No armies around here, Bugsy.

Leroy Bugsy Leroy Bugsy Leroy

We hear the beginning of the down and outs song, very softly accompanied by the shuffling of their feet in unison. D&O Bugsy Leroy Bugsy Down. Down. Down and out. Down. Down. Down and out. Whats that? What? (he looks in the barrel) Listen.

The down and outs chorus gets louder. Bugsy and Leroy walk to centre stage as the lights go up on the main stage which now is filled with lines of the wretched down and outs who shuffle around the stage. They have bowls and spoons in their hands. There is also a priest and some kindly lady cooks who ladle out soup. A large sign above them says: The Lord will provide. Leroy and Bugsy mingle among these unfortunates, trying to persuade them to join their cause

Song 16

Down and Out (Bugsy and Down and Outs)


You don't have to sit around Complaining 'bout the way your life has wound up Think of all the time you waste And time's a precious thing to let roll by Sure you've hit the bottom But remember you'll be building from the ground up

Down, down, down, down, down, down, down and out Down, down, down, down, down, down, down and out Down, down, down, down, down, down, down and out Down, down, down, down, down, down, down and out

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Bugsy Malone
Ev'ry day's another step That takes you even closer to the sky, so give a try Down, down, down, down, down, down, down and out Down, down, down, down, down, down, down and out You don't have to sit around Depressed about the way that luck deceived you Fortune sailed away, you missed that boat And found that you'd been left behind Fight and fight some more Until you know the world is ready to receive you Lady luck is fickle At the end of the song Bugsy shouts to the down and outs. Bugsy D&O Bugsy Are you with me? Yeah! Then lets go! But a lady is allowed to change her mind You don't have to sit around Complaining 'bout the way your life has wound up So be a man you know you can't be certain That you'll lose until you try You don't have to sit around Complaining 'bout the way your life has wound up So be a man you know you can't be certain That you'll lose until you try, so give it a try We as one shout Up, up, up and out (Repeat and fade)

They all rush and crowd to stage right. They crouch for cover as best they can. Lights come up on stage left and guards armed with baseball bats bring on crates. Splurge Imports Inc. is stencilled on each one. They form a wall between them and the down and outs. The guards lounge around. Bugsy Leroy Right, there they are. Already for the taking. Get Babyface. Get Babyface.

The message is repeated by everyone as it is passed down the line. Babyface is closest to the audience, and is the last to get the message. He has no one to pass it on to. Babyface Get Babyface. (to audience) Er, is there anyone called Babyface out there? What am I talking about? I am a Babyface. Give this to Babyface.

Bugsy

He passes along a baseball bat and each down and out repeats the message as it goes down the line. Babyface Bugsy Babyface No thanks. (passes it back) Babyface - get out there O.K. O.K. I've got to have courage. Courage. Im the star of this play right now. (his face lights up) just think. The star of Spotlight. O.K. Courage.

He straightens his cap and tip-toes up to the guards. At the last minute he rushes and bashes a guard over the head. Babyface Geronimo!!

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Bugsy Malone
The other guard's immediately charge after him. He leaps from the stage and exits from the auditorium chased by all of the guards. Immediately they've left, Bugsy and the down and outs charge across the stage and begin to open the crates. Smolsky and ODreary, with six policemen appear from down the steps and take up a position opposite them, stage right. Smolsky carries a megaphone. Smolsky O.K. We know youre in there. (the down and outs, Leroy and Bugsy freeze.) I'll give you ten seconds to give yourselves up. Come out without your irons and with your hands up in the air. What we gonna do, Bugsy? I don't know, Leroy. Right. This is your last warning. Im gonna start counting now. One. Two. Three. Four. Fiveerfiveer Six, Captain Smolsky. The next number is six.

Leroy Bugsy Smolsky

ODreary

Smolsky bashes ODreary with his hat. Smolsky I know! I know! Six... Seven... eight...

Meanwhile a down and out has climbed on to Leroys shoulders and examines the top of the stairs up stage. Leroy Bugsy They exit. Smolsky I'm warning you guys. Don't think I'm bluffing. Well be coming in and youll get what's coming to you. NineTenO.K. ODreary, this is it. Ten (Nervously) were going in. Whenever you say, captain Ten! Ten! Ready? Now! Bugsy, look, there's a trap door here - another way out. O.K. Quick. Let's go.

ODreary Smolsky ODreary Smolsky

They all charge across the stage and find Bugsy and his down and outs have fled. Smolsky ODreary They're not here, ODreary. Where did they go? Where did they go? Somewhere else, Captain.

Smolsky bashes ODreary once more with his hat. They all charge back across the stage and exit right. The lights come up at the top of the left staircase where Dandy Dan reviews his gang. They are all carrying splurge guns, and look very confident. Dan is dapper, as ever. Dandy O.K. gang. This is the caper thats gonna take the lid off City Hall. This is the big one.

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Bugsy Malone
Gang Dandy Gang Dandy Gang Dandy Gang Dandy The big one. The shake down. The shake down. This is the pay-off. The pay-off It's got to be good. Got to be neat. Got to be quick. Got to be quick. Got to be neat. Got to be Quit repeating everything I say. You shouldn't have any trouble. Just Sam and a few dance hall girls. (The gang laugh) Remember when you get inside that Speakeasy, keeps those fingers pumping because it will be history you will be writing.

Song 17

Fever (Dandy Dan and gang)


Now give me fever When were kissing Fever with that flame in you Fever I'm a fire Fever yeah I burn for sou Captain Smith and Pocahontas Had a very mad affair When her daddy tried to kill him She said daddy oh don't you dare He gives me fever With his kisses Fever when he holds me tight Fever I'm his misses Daddy won't you treat him right Now you listened to my story Here's the point that I have made Chicks were born to give you fever Be it fair and have a sense of game They give you fever When you kiss them Fever if you really learned Fever Till you sizzlen But what a lovely way to burn But what a lovely way to burn But what a lovely way to burn But what a lovely way to burn

Never know how much I love you Never know how much I care When you put your arms around me I give you fever that's so hard to bare You give me fever When you kiss me Fever when you hold me tight Fever In the morning Fever all through the night Sun lights up the day time Moon lights up the night I light up when you call my name And you know Im gonna treat you right You give me fever When you kiss me Fever when you hold me tight Fever In the morning Fever all through the night Everybodys got the fever That is something you all know Fever isnt such a new thing Fever started long ago Romeo love Juliet Juliet she felt the same When he put his arms around her He said Julie baby youre my flame

Yonkers

Three cheers for Dandy Dan. Hip hip, hooray.

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Bugsy Malone
Dandy Too kind, ladies. Too kind. Now for Fat Sam's Grand Slam.

They exit left at the top of their platform. The lights go up and the stage is filled with Down and Outs, dancers, Bugsy, Leroy, Tallulah, Blousey and Fat Sam. Everyone is moving and busily preparing for the showdown with Dandy Dan and his gang. The down and outs change into more respectable clothes. Bugsy Right, Leroy, Babyface, you guys make sure youre hidden. Blousey, are you gonna get out of the way, else I'll have to take someone else to Hollywood. Sure, wisie

Blousey

He gives her two tickets Bugsy Blousey Two tickets to Hollywood. Oh, Bugsy!

She throws her arms around him. Suddenly Babyface charges down the stairs. Babyface Bugsy Theyre here, Bugsy! They're here! O.K. Everyone act like normal. Girls, off you go. Let's hear you. Music. Razzamataz, hit the ivories!

The customers settle down and enjoy the show. The girls sing and dance.

Song 17a

Fat Sams Grand Slam Reprise (Speakeasy group)

Part of the way through the song Dandy Dan's gang burst through the door at the top of Fat Sam's office. Dandy O.K. Everybody freeze!

The girls scream. Everyone runs for cover Fat Sam Bugsy. Guys. Let em have it!

Chaos breaks out. Splurge. Custard Pies. Flour bombs. The entire company is involved. Above this pandemonium we hear the piano notes of the finale number, one voice to begin with, then all.

Song 18

You Give a Little Love (Full Company)


We could be the best at bein' good guys Flowers of the earth Who can even guess how much a real friend is worth? Good guys, shake an open hand Maybe trusting if we try to understand No doubt about it It must be worthwhile Good friends do tend to make you smile We could've been anything that we wanted to be Yes, that decision is ours It's been decided we're weaker divided

We could've been anything that we wanted to be And it's not too late to change I'd be delighted to give it some thought Maybe you'll agree that we really ought Two, three, four We could've been anything that we wanted to be Yes, that decision was ours It's been decided we're weaker divided Let friendship double up our powers We could've been anything that we wanted to be And I'm not saying we should But if we try it, we'd learn to abide it

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Bugsy Malone
Let friendship double our powers You give a little love and it all comes back to you (Da da da ra da da da) You know you gonna be remembered for the things you say and do (Da da da ra da da da) You give a little love and it all comes back to you (Da da da ra da da da) You know you gonna be remembered for the things you say and do (Da da da ra da da da) (Repeat for bows)

Song 19

Bugsy Mega Mix (Full Company)

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Bugsy Malone

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