Yuchen Hu Alexander Izrailevsky Phil-1120-002 26 November 2013 Fatherless Children: Break the Cycle of Fatherlessness

Hu 1

One day when I had conversation about fatherlessness with my friend who majors in psychology, she said, Never have a relationship with someone who grows up without a father, because normally they are insecure, they dont know how to love people, and maybe they dont know how to treat their children right. Researches show that fatherless children are more likely to develop behavioral problem, commit crimes, do poorer in school and also more likely to commit suicide than those who grow up in a home with both their mother and father. Father is indispensable; therere some issues that you cannot avoid on children who grow up without a father. But it doesnt mean fatherless children have to be one of the statistics. Fatherless children are not meant to be miserable people as statistics show; instead they can be whoever they want to be. Father is indispensable to a childs growing process. A father who has a good relationship with the mother of their children is more likely to be involved and to spend time with their children and to have children who are psychologically and emotionally healthier (Rosenberg). The virtues that a father displays in his relationship with the mother of his children set an important example for the children.

Hu 2 Children learn what they see. Children who witness affectionate, respectful, and sacricial behavior on the part of their father are more likely to treat their own, future spouses in a similar fashion (Rosenberg). To girls, they learn how they should be treating by a man in a relationship by witnessing a healthy relationship of their parents. And girls who grow up with father are more confident than fatherless children. To boys, they learn how to be a father and man by witnessing a good relationship of their parents. Like what Thabiti Boone said in Fathers with Absent Fathers, I dont have a dad, how can I know how to be a dad? (Hill) Boys need a father figure in their life in order to learn how to treat their kids right. Just as child maltreatment and domestic abuse can be passed on from one generation to the next, so can respect, caring, and kindness. By contrast, children who witness their fathers anger toward or contempt for their mother are more at risk for depression, aggression, and poor health (Rosenberg). I watched some interviews of people who grow up without a father and also witnessed their fathers anger toward or contempt for their mother. They might have different stories, but there is one thing they all said same: There is always an empty hole in my heart. One of the emotions which always occur to fatherless children is insecurity, and most time it is the empty hole. All the behavioral problems researches show is due to the insecurity; fatherless children are trying to fill in the empty hole in their heart. But they dont know how to fill in the empty hole. They try to let the feeling out, and that cause those behavioral problem.

Hu 3 Lesbian family is another case of fatherlessness. There are over one million children currently being raised by same-sex parents, the social science research shows that parental sexual orientation has no relationship with quality parenting (Badgett). Lesbians' romantic and sexual relationships with other women have not been found to detract from their ability to care for their children (Pagelow). Flaks, Fischer, Masterpasqua, and Joseph (1995) reported that lesbian couples' parenting awareness skills were stronger than those of heterosexual couples. This was attributed to greater parenting awareness among lesbian nonbiological mothers than among heterosexual fathers Many studies have demonstrated that children's well-being is affected much more by their relationships with their parents, their parents' sense of competence and security, and the presence of social and economic support for the family than by the gender or the sexual orientation of their parents .I am also a supporter of same-sex marriage. However, even though all the researches show that parental sexual orientation has no relationship with quality parenting, quality parenting lead to childrens well-being, but it doesnt mean fatherlessness wont cause psychological damage of children. For example, I f a boy raise in lesbian mother family, he might go to college, have a good life, but after he become a father, he might dont know how to be a father, because he doesnt have a father figure in his life, even though he had good parenting when he grew up. Lesbian mothers can teach him how to be a good parent, but they cannot teach him how to be a good father. If a girl raise in lesbian mother family, and had good parenting, she might dont know how to communicate to a man, or how to have a relationship with a man, because she doesnt have a father figure in her life. That is why a father is indispensable to a childs growing process.

Hu 4 Including the researches of children who raised in lesbian mother families, all the researches about fatherless children only focus on what problems cause by fatherlessness, and how does fatherlessness affect childrens well-being. Those researches do not discuss the psychological damage of fatherless children, and how to solve those problems and damages. As researches show, children who raised in lesbian mother families turn out fine. Same thing as children who raised by single mothers, for example, President Obama, he raised in a single-mother family, and there are behavioral problems during his adolescence. But he went to college eventually; he became president of United States. He turns out fine. Nevertheless, Obama still was affected by fatherlessness, and those behavioral problems caused by the psychological damage of him which come from fatherlessness. Researchers have found that when children grow up without a father, childrens diminished self-concept, and compromised physical and emotional security. Children consistently report feeling abandoned when their fathers are not involved in their lives, struggling with their emotions and episodic bouts of self-loathing (Kruk). Those psychological damages are something you cannot avoid on fatherless children. As the example of President Obama, he was a fatherless child, but he turns out fine after all. His realization makes he didnt become one of the statistics of fatherless children. Obama told the graduates of Morehouse College, an all-black male college in Atlanta, Break the cycle of fatherlessness, set high standards for yourself, serve those in need. A father is indispensable to a child. If you dont have a father, live with that. You cannot change other people, you cannot do anything to change your parents decisions, but you can change

Hu 5 yourself. You can either choose to be a person like your parent, or you can be a better person than your parents. You can be whoever you want to be. Realization is the key word of fatherless childrens life. The psychological damages caused by fatherlessness might follow fatherless children in rest of their life. But you can either see those damages as faults caused by your father, or see them as a reminder of to be a better person and parent. In Jay-zs 12th studio album, Magna Carta Holy Grail, with lyrics from Jay-Z Blue, Magna Carta's offerings, "Father never taught me how to be a father" and "I don't want to duplicate it/I seen my mom and pop drive each other...crazy (Hill). He has realization that he want to be a better father, he dont want duplicate what his father has done to him. He still has the insecurity from fatherlessness, but the insecurity makes him to realize that he need to be a better person than his parent, and he dont want to his daughter has the same feeling as he does of fatherlessness. That insecurity doesnt make him continue the cycle of fatherlessness, instead that insecurity makes him breaks the cycle of fatherlessness. Fatherlessness is hardship to all of the fatherless children. You can either let the hardship defeat you, or you can use this hardship to become a better person. Father is indispensable. You cannot change your parents if you dont have a father in your life, but you can change yourself. Continuing the cycle of fatherlessness, or break the cycle of fatherlessness is up to you. You can be whoever you want to be.

Works Cited
Eggebeen, David. Interview by MercatorNet. The indispensable dad Its scientific: kids need not just two parents but a mother and father. 19 April 2010. New Media Foundation, Chatswood, Australia. 19 April 2010. Web. 30 Oct 2013. Hill, Marc Lamont, perf. Fathers With Absent Fathers. HUFFPOST LIVE: 17 July 2013. Web. 30 Oct 2013 Horn, Wade. "Effect Fatherlessness has on Children." Capital Youth Empowerment Program, Inc. (2013): n. Web. 30 Oct. 2013. Rosenberg, Jeffrey, and W. Bradford Wilcox. United States. U.S. Department of Health & H uman Services. Importance of Fathers in the Healthy Development of Children. 2006. Web.

. "The Consequences of Fatherlessness." Fathers.com National Center For Fathering. Fathers.com, 2007. Web. 8 Nov 2013. Edmondson, Ron. "Being A Man: Growing Up Without A Dad." Prodigal Magazine. n.d. 1 page. Web. 8 Nov. 2013.