McCurry 1

Kayla McCurry 24th September, 2013 English 1101 Dr. Rieman Self-Assessment The comments that I received were very helpful. There was one comment that I would probably not use in my paper. The comment was that I was using CD player too much in my paper, but I am not sure of another word I would use for that. I hope that you can help me to make my paper flow together better. I really enjoyed doing the peer reviews because it was very helpful and helped me to add ideas to my paper to make it longer. Music Is What Makes My Life Go On How is it that music can just make my day a hundred percent better. Music for me is a way of life. Ever since I was a little girl music has always been a part of my life even though I cannot sing I still love singing along to the songs that I am listening too. I was talking to my mom the other day about this paper I had to do and how I was going to write it about my musical literacy. She was telling me the different things I use to do and say. She said I would sit in the back seat of her car and sing along to every song that she would play. She told me that I would beg for her to play Usher or in other words beg for her to play R&B or Rap music. Still to this day I listen to this type of music all the time. As I think back to my earliest memory of listening to music I can actually remember quite a few things since it was so important to me. I remember on my fifth birthday receiving a portable CD player and the
Comment [JR5]: From this first para I have a good idea of what to expect in your paper, which is good. Thank you! Comment [JR1]: Its wonderful to hear that peer workshop was helpful. I will read for how your paper flows and let you know of any suggestions I have. You were very helpful, and I enjoyed the comments you gave me on my paper. Comment [JR2]: Nicely descriptive title. I thought so too. Comment [JR3]: Questions mark? I totally forgot to add a question mark, WHOOPS.

Comment [JR4]: Read aloud where I highlight since it indicates some sentence-level issue I want you to figure out. I figured out, that this was a run on sentence and I need to shorten it.

McCurry 2

new Usher CD called My Way that just came out that year. The CD player was blue and had over the head headphones with them. The CD I received is still one of my favorite CDs of all time, even though at that age I did not understand what the artist was saying I just loved the beat to the songs. I would take that CD player everywhere I went, and if I did not have it my mom told me that I would cry until I got it. I did understand that I could not have it in school, but while I was there if I had to write about something I would mostly write about music and my passion for it. The next year these things called Hit Clips came out. They were very small to where you could put it in your pocket, it had a little headphone with it and look and little something like this----------------------- I begged my mom to get these for me. She told me that I could get them only if I used them all the time since I already had the CD player. My mom should have known how much I was going to use these Hit Clips. I would still use my CD player because each individual clip only had one song on them to play and when my mom bought this for me she only bought two clips to go with it. The two clips that she had bought were both Destinys Child clips which had the songs Survivor and Emotion. I eventually got more and more clips over time. The clips that I had gotten later on were Nsync, Backstreet Boys, and Brittany Spears. I still have these Hit Clips at my house now and I am saving it to show my kids one day. My mom told me that she enjoyed whenever I would
Comment [JR8]: So hit clips are individual songs you buy. What do you play them on? You may need to explain this concept more for readers like me. I guess I should explain them more. Since I know about them I just assumed everyone knew what they are. I am definitely going to fix this part. Comment [JR6]: What are hit clips? Decorative tings Functional things? I added a picture to the right what they were, should I describe them more? Or is the picture good?

Comment [K7]: I am confused about what is wrong with this paragraph?

McCurry 3

listen to my Hit Clips or my CD player because I would go around the house singing and dancing and would not stop until it was time to go somewhere or do something important. The next year in 2001, the very first iPod came out . I really wanted to get the new iPod but my mom said that I could not get it unless I got rid of my CD player or my Hit Clips and I did not want to get rid of either of them. The reason I had to give up one of these was because my mom thought it was unfair that I was getting all of these electronics and my brother was not getting any. Since I did not want to get rid of them I had to wait until I wanted to give one of them up. In 2004, three years later I moved from Tryon, NC to Greensboro, NC. I moved there the summer before fourth grade. I remember that summer I was so upset because I had to leave all of my friends from Tryon and I was scared that I would not make new friends. On the first day of my new school I had to take the bus. On the bus I brought my CD player so that I could listen to music the whole time. On the bus ride home from school I was listening to my music and this girl named Savannah came up to me and asked if she could listen to a song. I had never met her before but I told her that she could listen to one of my songs. She enjoyed the same type of music that I enjoyed and everyday after that we would sit next to each other and take turns listening to the music. The reason we had to take turns was because I had over the head headphones. Listening to music with Savannah brought us together and we have been best friends ever since. It is crazy to think that music can bring people together and
Comment [K10]: I have no idea why this is highlighted? Comment [JR11]: What a great way to start a friendship! I know (: Comment [JR9]: Did your brother want any electronics? He did but he did not like music as much as I did, and my mom knew he wouldnt get use out of them, so she wouldnt buy it for him. Which was unfair for him.

McCurry 4

have lasting friendships. In Decemeber of that same year I asked for Christmas if I could get the new iPod that had came out that year. The reason I wanted it so bad was so me and Savannah could sit on the bus and each listen to the same song at the same time. I knew that I had to give up one of my music players so I decided that I would give up the CD player. That Christmas I received the iPod that I had asked for. It was white and had my name and phone number engraved on the back of it so incase I lost it someone would be able to return it to me. I use to download all the songs on my iPod through Limewire (Which I know it is illegal to use now) Since I did not have a job this was the easiest way for me to get all of the music that I really liked and wanted to hear. Music has definitely been influentual on me an has impacted my life greatly. As two years passed by I received my very first cell phone. My very first cell phone was a silver razor. It was super skinny and could fit in my pocket so easily. On this device I made sure that there was a way for me to download songs onto it. Since this was the device I was going to be carrying around everywhere. Now I have an iPhone 5s that has apps and itunes to make it a lot easier for me to listen to music. It is crazy to think how much technology has made it easier for everyone to listen to music. I would burn CDs for my friends that had artist and songs that they probably have never heard of. The reason that I would know all of these new songs or artist was because I would do a lot of research on new music that was just released. There are a few ways that I would do research on muisc. One of the ways was to just type in new R&B or Rap muisc on Google. Another way was to download music apps onto

Comment [JR12]: Why is that crazy to consider? I thought it was crazy to consider because I have never had such a lasting friendship, that all started through listening to music. Even though this probably happens more than I know of. Comment [K13]: I should probably have said Savannah and I in this part.

Comment [JR14]: What did you do with the CD player? Give it to your brother? Give it away? I gave the CD player to Goodwill.

Comment [K15]: Not sure what is wrong here? Comment [K16]: I need to make it used to, instead of use. Comment [JR17]: Where we have access to music is a fascinating thing to consider. It really is!

Comment [JR18]: Did you also burn all of your CDs onto itunes so that you could have those as well? I would download them onto iTunes first, and then I would burn my CDs through iTunes. Comment [JR19]: All goodthink about the musical literacy that developed around this love of music, because literacy is more than just liking something a lot. Go back and read the definitions of literacy weve talked about and see how you can identify how you are seeing your musical literacy in those terms. This comment helps me out a lot, I will now understand what I need to add in my paper to explain my musical literacy.

Comment [K20]: I believe that this is an incomplete sentence that is why it is highlighted?

McCurry 5

my phone and if I discovered a new artist I would do research on them. My musical literacy was a lot different than other peoples because I took the time to do some research on music. Concerts are probably my favorite thing to go to, whenever I am at a concert I feel like it is just me and the artist, and feels like no one else is around us. I have probably been to about fifty concerts if not more in the past twelve years. I remember when I was six years old the very first concert that I went to it was the Backstreet Boys , Nsync, and 98 degrees concert. For being my first concert I was more than pleased with their performance. The high I get from going to these concerts is undescribable. It is as if I am on top of the world. Inbetween my first concert and the most recent concert that I have attened Ive onl y grown to love music even more. Listening to music in concert gives me such a rush, and only increases my love for it. It makes listening to music a passion for me. Now going to concerts is more of a hobby. The next concert I plan on going to is the Drakes concert in November. It is beyond words how excited I am. There is no price that can be put on going to this specific concert. I am emotional attached to Drakes lyrics and seeing him in concert I will probably melt in my front row seats. All in all concerts have done nothing but improve my love for music. ( I really need help with continuing my thoughts and what I should talk about next) In addition, I believe I will carry this emotional attatchment I have to music until the day I die. Pondering upon the history I have with music I will never forget the days when my portable CD player was my most valuable possession. Then along came Hit Clips, and iPods which only enhanced my musical literacy. To connect with the lyrics of a song was to connect
Comment [JR27]: In this paragraph or in the paper as a whole? I needed help in this paragraph, I should have been more specific. Comment [K26]: This should say Drakes, at least I think so. Comment [K25]: This should be two different words, not one word together. Comment [K21]: This is supposed to say people, and not peoples. Comment [JR22]: Excellent! So think about where you would do this research and what skills you developed through this practice. How can you move your reader form the previous idea to here? I will think about a new idea to add that goes along to the question you asked. Comment [K23]: I believe that I should not have a comma here? Not really sure? Comment [K24]: I am not really sure what is wrong with this?

McCurry 6

with an emotional state of mind. As I grew older this mind seat only became more important for me to connect with. I also had more of an understanding of what the lyrics meant, and how I could relate to them. The best example how music has impacted my life from my past to my present, is how it has introduced me to my best friend Savannah. Concerts are the reason for my passion for listening to music. The advances in smart phones has only made it easier to expand my love for music. Twenty years from now I feel that I will continue to listen to the same types of music. I also feel that my love for music will continue to grow and be even stronger than it is now. It is just so crazy to think that something as small as listening to music could have a significant effect on me.
Comment [JR28]: Your conclusion feel like a recap of the paper. Im wondering how you can lead your reader more smoothly out of your paper rather than merely recount what youve already said. I am really bad with conclusions because I always feel that I just repeat what I already talked about. I will try to figure something out but most of the time it is really hard for me. The reason is because I never know what to say, and have always been taught to summarize what I have talked about in my paper.

Kayla, Its great to have something that you love so much, and listening to music can be such a transfixing and transformative experience. I was not bothered at all by your use of CD player (and cant think what else youd call it, even if I was). I do see what you mean about the paper feeling a bit disjointed. What I think would help this is for you to have a more explicit overriding message here that would help you tie everything together. One of the ways you can do this it to think of your musical literacy is more specific terms, and not just as something you like. I suggest in a marginal comment that you think about how you are defining literacy here by going back and reading through the various definitions weve talked about and consider how those definitions work with the concept of musical literacy that you are exploring here. Im happy to talk with you more in person about how you might do this. Overall, this way a fun paper to read, but I did want more of a message or point to it . You can also tie in the idea of

McCurry 7 sponsors here and analyze more about how you had access to various music and music players and concerts. Once youve read through my comments, please respond to them using the comment

function to ask /answer questions, post your own comments, and think through any revision ideas you have. I dont want you to DO any of the revision in your Talk Back. I just want to give us a place to dialogue about your writing. Youll do the revision work separately.
Comment [K29]: I am glad that you enjoyed reading my paper, but I will have to figure something out to make it have more of a point to it. Thanks again for the feedback.