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"#$%&'(' Rachel Nguyen Professor Kuroki English 100 2 October 2013 My Educational Experience Throughout my life, I have always found it difficult for myself to fully comprehend the idea of learning and reading. As I was growing up, my parents never pushed studying, or school on me, and I feel like that played a huge role into why school was never a priority in my life. I have always felt insecure when it came to my own ability to read. Ever since I was little, I have always considered books to be my sworn enemy. Whenever I would think about reading or writing, I would sweat profusely and get nervous. Out of my group of friends in elementary school, I was always the last one to finish a reading assignment. I always felt dumber, in the sense that I was not able to be on the same level as my peers. Little did I know that a few years later, I would change my views completely on reading and books. Every time I was put into a reading group in middle school, I always found myself struggling to keep up with everyone else. I even pretended like I finished the readings, but in reality, I just skipped to the end of the page, and said I was done. I was afraid of being judged by my peers for being dumb, and that idea in my head made me have a fixed mindset. In Carol Dwecks piece, The Perlis and Promises of Praise, she introduces the concept of a fixed and growth mindset. Dweck explains that people with a fixed mindset view their abilities as unchangeable, and people with a growth mindset view that with practice and effort, growth can be made. She also explains how someone with a fixed mindset tends to care first and foremost about how theyll be judged: smart or not (Dweck 2). Feeling like I was being judged caused me to care more about how my peers saw me, than the actual reading itself. As a teenage girl, I

!"#$%&')' was afraid of making mistakes that could potentially mean being ridiculed. Sadly, the expense that I paid with a fixed mindset was my chance to learn and grow. The first day I stepped into my high school freshman English teachers classroom, all I noticed were these massive, worn-out, brown book shelves, covering every single wall within the already cramped room. As our first assignment of the year, we were asked to pick out one of our favorite novels we have read throughout our educational career. This was a problem because prior to freshman year in high school, I would never read for fun, and I only read when I was expected to. I started to panic because there was no way I was going to find a book, and finish it within a week. Luckily I was able to borrow a book called Something Borrowed, and to my surprise I finished the book within two days. After reading the first chapter, I was hooked. I would walk down the school halls, head down, and being completely captivated by my book. The only time I would stop reading was when I found myself bumping into other people in the mist of reading. The Novel Something Borrowed not only captivated me, but also gave me hope that reading could actually be fun. My experience through appreciating how to enjoy reading would be similar to the emotions from an autobiographical story called Coming into Language, written by Jimmy Santiago Baca. Baca spent a good portion of his life in prison, due to false accusations. Being in prison was one of the main catalysts that brought him to appreciate the language of English. Our stories are similar in the way that we both viewed reading as being pointless. Baca states that he viewed reading as a waste of time (6). As Baca describes the different feelings he conveyed whenever he read, he states, I forgot where I was (6). Like Baca, I too experienced a sense of high whenever I read a particular book. We both were able to have an escape from our own reality through books.

!"#$%&'*' My sophomore year in high school, I chose to take Spanish as an elective. I can still remember the first week of Spanish was HELL for me. The first day of class, I felt like I was in the twilight zone. I walked into a class with a Spanish speaking, red headed lady, who was wearing green-framed glasses, and a dress that screamed Spanish traditions. I was greeted at the door with a HOLA! CHICOS, which surprised me. I knew from that moment on that I was going to be in for a world wind of confusion. The hour and half that I spent in that classroom felt like it was never going to end. I could not understand anything the teacher was saying and that scared me. A few days after being in the Spanish class, I decided to drop the class from my schedule. In Bell Hooks piece called Critical Thinking, she describes how students tend to avoid the critical thinking process and how students have become more comfortable with learning that allows them to remain passive (2). I feel like I exemplified what Hooks was trying to get across, which was about how students tend to deal with having to think critically. Like most students I work best when I am comfortable and not expected to expand my thoughts. Being in a class where Spanish was the main language spoken, I was expected to be put into uncomfortable situations, but I became flustered and chose to quit instead. I grew up in a cultural family, where Vietnamese was the main language spoken between my family and I. In a piece written by Richard Rodriguez called Public and Private Language, he describes how learning to speak English caused a wedge between his Spanish speaking family members and him. I can relate to Rodriguez when he says, fewer words passed between parent and child(56). Since Vietnamese is the main language both my parents use, it can be difficult to communicate sometimes. The language barrier is not just between my parents and I, but also with my grandparents. I find myself having a difficult time putting together sentences in

!"#$%&'+' Vietnamese, as I get older. Even though there is a huge language barrier between my family members who only speak Vietnamese, and I, there is still a lot of love between us all. As a junior in high school, I was expected to know which four-year university I wanted to attend, but out of the majority of the students, I was one of the few who did not have that option of going to a four year university. My views on college are similar to an entry that I read in the book The Freedom Writers Diary, written by Erin Gruwell. This student in the novel stated I decided that I would go to a community college (206). Like the student in the book, I had financial difficulties that would delay my chances of going to a four-year university. Every time I heard students around campus talking about how excited they were to go to a four-year college, I would feel depressed inside knowing I wont be able to have the typical college experience. After reading the book, I realized that I was not the only person with financial problems. Another important lesson I took from reading The Freedom Writers Diary was that it was okay to go to a community college. Not only was going to a community college going to be less of a financial burden for me, but also a smarter choice. Throughout my twelve years of education, I have learned about my own abilities and flaws through education. I started off without confidence when it came to English and writing, but slowly I learned that with time and effort, there is potential to grow and learn. I may not necessarily be completely confident with my ability to write a well-written essay, but I hope that through practice and time, I will be one day. Being in the STACC program for English, I hope to further gain more knowledge about my ability as a writer. One of the many concepts I hope to become better at would have to be expanding my ideas when it comes to writing. I am particularly excited for the timed essays because I want to become more comfortable with that

!"#$%&',' concept, and without the practice in class, I could possibly lose the chance of achieving the necessary steps to become comfortable with timed essays.

!"#$%&'-' Works Cited Baca, Jimmy Santiago. "Coming into Language." Working in the Dark: Reflections of a Poet of the Barrio. First Edition ed. Santa Fe: Museum of New Mexico Pr, 2008. 4-11. Print. Dweck, Carol S. "The Perlis and Promises of Praise." Early Intervention at Every Age. Associated for Supervision and Curriculum Development, 2007. 34-39. Print. Gruwell, Erin. Freedom Writers. 1st ed. New York: Broadway, 1999. Print.. Hooks, Bell. "Critical Thinking." Teaching Critical Thinking: Practical Wisdom. New York: Routledge, 2009. 7-12. Print. Rodriguez, Richard. "Public and Private Language." Ed. Kim Flachmann and Michael Flachmann. The Prose Reader. 8th ed. Upper Saddle River: Pearson/Prentice Hall, 2008. 158-64. Print