LjaneSmith(L.J.Smith) Thisisafantasyofafantasy.Theideais:whatmighthavehappenedatthe endofDarkReunionifStefanhadbeenpersuadedtodrinkthebloodofhisthree friendsinordertobemorepowerfulwhenhefoughtthatnight. Itmighthavehappenedsomethinglikethis... Pleasenotethatthetextfromtheactualbook,DarkReunion,isparaphrasedand condensed. Rating:formaturepeoplewhoenjoyvampiretales. Bonnie Stefanpickedupthebranchofwhiteash,tooktheknifeoutofhis pocket,andbegantostripthesmallerbranchesoff,makingitintoa spear.Terrific!Theknightisgoingofftocombat,Mattsaid.Dontyou seethatyourewalkingrightintothatmonsterstrap?Hetookastep towardStefan.Right.Yourethevampire,butyoudontdrinkhuman blood,soyourealmostasweakasahuman...

uman... Stefangavehimableaksmile.Youthinkso?Areyousure? Well,Iknowthattherearethreeofusandonlyoneofyou Stopit,Matt,Meredithsaidquietly.Wecantstophimfromfightingthismurderer. Allwecandoishelphim.Andwithoutanotherword,shebeganunbuttoningthetopbutton ofhershirt. BonniewasshockedforaninstantalthoughshedhadthesameideawhenStefan hadfirstarrivedinFellsChurch.Shehadntbeenthinkingofallthreeofthem...butwhat diditmatter?Shenoddedandunzippedherwindbreaker. MatthesitatedamomentandthentookoffhisTshirt.Allforoneoneforall,he said.

Stefan
Thatwashowithadstarted.Thethreeofthemsodetermined,united,againsthim. Insistentthathebreakhisvowandtakehumanblood.AndStefanhadbeenwalkingouton it,despitetheknowledgethatitwouldhelphimtokillthemonsterpreyingonFellsChurch, despitethedangertoallofthemifhefailed.Hehadactuallywalkedoutthedoorwhen somethingelsehadsparkedinhisbrain. Wait,Bonniehadsaidauthoritatively.Cantyoufeelit?ItsElena.She wants youto dothis.Cantyou tell ? Stefanhadlookedatherblankly.Ifthiswassomenewwayofmanipulatinghim.... ButBonniehadbeenserious,hersmallheadtiltedasiflisteningtofarawaymusicher expressionalmostbeatific. Andthenhehadfeltittoo.Likeabenisonfromtheheavens,awhisperfromhis goldenhairedangel. Doit,Stefan.LetthemmaketheirsacrificeforFellsChurch,letthem givewhattheycan.Asyouare.Itwillbetotheircreditafterward,eveniftheydont survive.Asforbreakingyourvowwell,letthecondemnationforthatbeweighedagainst themerityouvegainedbystayingtoprotectthesehumanswhomanyofthemhateand fearyou.Beloved,youareverybrave,butsometimesalittletoostubborntobepractical. Voicesfrombeyond?ButthatwasElenathatwasthewayshespoke,andthatwas thewayhefeltwhenshespoke.Thenextwordswerenotjustforhim,andsomethinginside himwatchedMattandMeredithastheyheardthevoicetoo,MattastonishedMeredithwith herusualcomposure. ThisisourreunionandIgiveyoutoeachother.Igivemyfriendstoyou,Stefan,so thatyoucanfightwithallyourcombinedstrength.Andtoyou,myfriends,Igive Stefan...whomaybeabletokeepyoualive.Takeeachother...andtrust. Andthentrust.Aye,therewastherub.Howtotrusteventhebeneficenceofheaven afterwhatthatmonsterinhumanformhaddonetothisinnocentlittletown. ButwhenElenacommanded,helistened.WhenElenaspoke,evenfromtheafterlife, heobeyed.Hedpromisedherthatinhisheart,longago. Andsohehadagreed,hisonlyconditionbeingthattheydothisoneatatime,with theothertwowaitinginthecar.He,StefanSalvatore,whohadgivenupdrinkinghuman bloodsolongago,andboundhimselfwithfearsomeoathsnottodoit,wasgoingtodoit. Theonlythingleftwastodeterminetheorder,whichMeredithdidwiththreetwigsfromthe whiteashbranch.Meredith.Bonnie.ThenMatt. StefanwasgladthatMeredithwasgoingtobefirst.Meredithwouldremaincalm duringTheLastJudgment.Shewasarock.Hewasrelyingonhertohelpsteadyhimalittle ashebrokethispledgethathadbeenhisoneguidancesincebecomingavampirenearlyhalf

amillenniumago. BonnieandMattheadedforthecar.StefanlookedaroundthelandingforMrs. Flowers,butthelandladyhaddisappeared.Together,heandMeredithwentbackupstairs. IfBonniewerehere,Meredithsaid,shedbesureitwasagoodomenthatMrs. Flowerswasgone. Fortunately,thedoorhasagoodsturdylock.Wedonthaveanyneedforgood omensitcanmakesurenothinghumangetsin,andIcankeepanythinginhumanout.I dontsupposeIcantalkyououtofthisrightnow?Stefanspokewithoutchanginghistone intheslightestonthelastsentence. Meredithsmiled.AndfloutanedictofElenas?Imnotthatdumb. Thatswhatallthreeofyouthinkitwas?Anedict?StefanlookedatMeredith pleadingly.IwashopingtogetyoutotalksomesenseintoMatt.Youllbealonewithhim whileImwithBonnie. Sense?Matt?Now?Inthesamesentence? Yes.Wehavetogethimtogivethisup.Youhaveto,Meredith,becauseIdontthink helllistentoawordIsay.Itsallveryfineandnoble,offeringyourbloodtomakeme strongersoIcanfightthat...thing.ButMattcanthandleit. Meredithsbrightdarkeyeswereassadashehadeverseenthem,likestillwaterin deeppools."YoudontknowMattwellenoughbynow?HewantstosaveFellsChurcheven ifitkillshim.Anddoyouhaveanyideahowhedfeelifyousaidyoudtakebloodfrom Bonnieandme,butnothim?" Ithoughtwecouldfobhimoffwithsomethingaboutthetwoofyoubeinggirls. Meredithlaughedshortly.Nyet,Yvette.HeknowsDamontakesbloodfromguys.He knowsaboutMr.Tanner.Heknowsitsnotasexualthing. Stefangroaned.Itsnot.ButhowdoIexplain? HestudiedMeredith,thequieteleganceoflineofherbody,thetimelessbeautyofher highcheekbones,archedeyebrows,andthestrikingfeaturesthathadbeenthedownfallof countlessmalesinFellsChurch.Hestudiedthewayhereyelashestangledtogetherwhen sheshuthereyes.Andevenashelookedatherhewasawarethatshewasstudyinghim fromunderthoseseeminglydemureeyelashes.Meredithwasliketheabyssthatlookedback atyouwhenyoulookedintoit. Hesighed. MeredithcanItrytoexplainsomethingtoyou?Iknowtheresnotime,butwehave tomaketimeforit.Unlessyouwantoneofyourfriendsendingupinapsychiatrichospital doyourememberVicky? Shedidntsnapoffasuperficialanswer,pointingoutthatofcoursesheknewagirl shedgonetoschoolforyearswith.Hewatchedherfaceashermindrovedbackoverthe seasonsuntilshecouldpicturewhathewantedhertopicture:Vicky,asplashofwhiteas shestumbleddownadarkcountryroad,wearingnothingbutathintornslipherhair disarrayedhereyesliketwoblackholestosomeotherdreadfuldimensionhermouthone longsilentscream. Iremember,Meredithwhispered.Stefancouldfeelhershock.ButVickywasshe wasattackedandforced,andGodonlyknowswhathorriblethingsshesawororfelt.This istotallydifferent Tellmethatagainafteryouvetakenyourturn.Stefandeliberatelyspokeinharsh, clippedtones,andhardlyglancedatMeredithashecontinued.Vickywasforced.Hestared offintoamiddledistance.Mattsforcinghimself.Vickywasattacked.Matthastheself disciplinetohold himselfdown.Vickysaworexperiencedthingsthat,toputitcrudely,drove hercrazy.Andwhetherthosethingswereinthemindofasupernaturalcreature,orinher mind,orintheworldaroundthem,IdontknowandVickyisntsaying. Heswungbacktowardher,lettingtheharshnessdrainoutofhisvoice,hiseyes pleadingwithhertounderstand.Meredith,ifvampireanddonorare,well,friends,withno needtoovercomementalorphysicalresistanceeitherbymindcontrolorbyphysicalforce, theneverythingshouldbefine. Butitisnt,always .Therearemonsterslurkinginhuman mindsscarierthananythingIveeverimaginedinmyownnightmares.Andvampiresarejust thesortofthingslikelytomakethempopup. AndyouthinkonecouldpopupwithMatt? Imafraidofit.Imafraidofalotofthings,ifhemakeshimselfdothis. Meredithcockedhersilkydarkhead,highlightsrunningupanddownthelengthofher hair.Thenshemethiseyesandnodded,once.Illtrytotalkhimoutofit.Ill...lets see...Illhelptrytomakehimbelievethatbythetimehisturncomesaroundthatyoure asfullasatickandreadytoburst.ThatwillbePlanT. Thankyou.IdontthinkIllbequiteasfullasatick,butImaynotexactlybemyself bythattime.Itllbegoodtofeelthatyourebackingmeup. Oh,Imafamousbackupper.ElenawasntjustaBigPicturePersonsheloved figuringoutallthegrungylittledetails,butIwashernumberonebacker.Meredithspoke, notwithbitternessorsarcasm,norevenwiththetoleranceusuallyaccordedtothefaultsof therecentlydead,butwithlove.Justlove.Theabsentloveofatruefriend,whohashad timetolearnall,knowall,andforgiveall.Watchingher,thinkingaboutalltheyearsthatshe hadknownElenawhilehehadnotallthesimpledaytoday fun theyhadhadStefanfelta handclutchathisheart.HehadonlylovedElenaafewshortmonthsbecausehehadonly knownherthatlong. Meredith?Hesatdownandtriedtokeepenvy,likeahaggardshriekingbanshee,out ofhisvoice. Hewasntquitesureifhesucceeded.Meredithwasperceptiveandshewaswatching him.Yes,Stefan. Meredith,whenthisstarts,Idappreciateitsomuchifyoucould...well...think aboutElena.Aboutthingsyoudidtogether.Stufflikethenightyoutriedtomaketoffee. Youdidthat,didntyou?

Theyhad.Heknew.HedreadElenasdiariesbeforetheydbeenenshrinedinthe library.Andhehadaneideticmemory. June18:ohmygodinthemorning:Bonnieshouse.Bonniesgreatgrandmother musthavebeenawitch.IamNOTkidding.Ifshecouldmakesomethingedibleoutofthe toffeerecipeinherSimpleHomeCookeryBookImnotevensayingdelicious,Im sayingsimplysomethingthatapersoncouldchokedownwithoutruiningthekitchen, settingfiretothecurtains,andscaldingbothhandsandtheinsideofhermouth,thenshe definitelyhadsupernaturalpowers.Wearegoingtoneedajackhammer togetallthat$% ^*!!sugarconcreteoutofthestoveburners...Andyetitneverhardenedwhenwetried topullit,oh,no...ThisistheendofBonniescandymakingcraze,andifshedoesnt agree,theworldisgoingtoseeitsfirstHomicideByToffeecase...OH,GOD,WEHAD FUN. Butknowingthewordsbyheartwasntthesameasbeingthere,asseeingElenas faceflushedwiththeheatofthestove,ascountingthewispsofdampgoldhaircurlingon herforeheadaswatchingherlaughandsnapoutordersandapologizebyturn. Hewantedtoseethat. Ivaguelyremember.Bonniehadtohaveitcutoutofherhair,Meredithwassaying. Hereyesweremildlycurious. Idliketoseethat.Littlethingslikethat,ifyoucanrememberthem.Justanylittle thing Hewasrepeatinghimselfandhewasstartingtobreakdown.Meredithputahandon hiselbow,guidinghimtothethreadbarebrokenspringedcouchinthisroomthathadbeen hishomeforthehappiestdaysofhislife.

Meredith
MeredithwasworriedaboutStefan.Thosehauntedgreeneyes...theydusedtobe abrighterleafgreen.Nowtheyweredarkasemerald.Thetightlymoldedplanesofhisface, thebeautyofhisfeatures,thesoftpromiseofhismouthwereallthere...butstill, somehow,thesedaysStefanmanagedtolooklikeacondemnedman.Itwasntjustsince themonsterhadstartedattackingFellsChurch.ItwassincelosingElena.Stefanhad becomethemostbeautifulwalkingshadowofhisformerself. Fearassailedhersuddenly,andshehadto know abouttheirchampion.Stefan? Withhumanbloodinyourveins,andWhiteAshinyourhands,howdoyourateyour chances?sheaskedhim. HowcanIknow?AllIdoknowisthatIllfighthimwitheverythingIhavewith everythingyouregivingme. Withwhattheyweregivinghim.Awry,mockingvoicestartedinMeredithshead. Makingabargainwiththedevil?Youregoingtoletthislesserfiendhavehiswaywith you,breechyourveins,justsohecangointoahopelessbattlewithagreaterdevil? Yes.Oh,yes,indeed.Sheddomuchmorethangiveherbloodtoahalfbrokenlost soullikeStefanifitwouldallowherachancetosaveFellsChurch.Revenge...even revengeforhergrandfatherandSueCarson...waspointless.Ifeveryoneinsistedon revengethentheworldwouldbefullofmaimedthings:widowsandorphansandgibbering phantoms.ButifStefanwasntabletostopthatmonstertonight,themonsterwouldblaze throughFellsChurch,andleaveitruinedinhiswake.Hundredsofgibberingphantoms... Grandfather... Grandfather,theresa real devillooseandnobodyfittostanduptohim.AndDamon mayhavehowwouldStefanputit?alreadyplayedusfalse.Hesnotaverygoodchoice ofally.ButwhatIknowisthatStefan wont .Stefanwillhanginthereuntilhestopsthat thing,evenifitmeanshehastodie. IhavetohelphiminanywayIcan. Shewonderedwhyshewastellingherselfthis,whyshewassovehement.Butthe answerwastooobvious.ShewasfacinganoldfearnowwithStefan.Sinceher grandfathersbreakdownshehadaterrorandadisgustforvampires.Shedbeenyoung enoughtobelievehimanddevelopthat.Now,wasshewomanenoughtoholdherselfstill andfacethosetranslucentneedlelikefangswhentheywerehoveringover her throat? Itwastimetosee.

Stefan
Stefanthought,Godhelpme,dontletmeletherdownorBonnie, either.IfithadntbeenthatElenawasineveryatomofhisbody,every breathofairhedidnottakethatshewasinthemarrowofhisbones, andinhisvision,somehowalwaysthereinhissidesightnomatter whatdesperatesituationwasinfront,hewouldhavemistrusted himself.Thegallantryofthesetwogirlsinfacingahorrorallhumans sharedmadehimadmirethemalmosttoomuch.Hehadnofearsof forgettingElenaforamillisecond,butbothBonnieandMeredith,intheir ownways,weresodeartohim,sofineintheircharactersandintheirgracefulbodies,that tonighthewasclosetolovingthem. Andwhatthatcouldleadto,whilehewasdrinkingtheirblood...... Wereyourfriends,Meredithsaid,stillhelpinghim,astheysat.Friendspooling theirstrengthoutoflovingkindnessforthesakeofalltheignorantpeoplewhodont evenknowtheyreindanger. Lovingkindness,nowtherewasanaptword.Haditbeenusedsincethedaysof longskirtsandgovernesses?Butitwasexactlyright.MeredithandBonniebothknewthe valueoflovingkindness.

ThenMeredithdidsomethingthatwouldseemtooffsetwhatshehadjustsaid. Deliberately,shesnappedthelampbesideheron.Thisbrightenedtheroomsomuchthat StefanfounditalmostpainfulMrs.Flowershadchangedhislowwattagebulbforaslightly higherone.Butitalsoseemedtobringthematterintothesane,levelgroundofthe daylightworld.Itactedasashockandarestorativeforbothofthem. Iwantthisinthelight,shesaid.NovampiremindcontrolIwontneedit.Ive madeupmyownmind,andIllsticktomydecisionifyoucanbelievethat. Yes,Stefansaidsimply.Headded,Illdomybestwithoutcontrollingyourmind.I knowhowuneasyyouareaboutanythinginterferingwithyourthoughts. Meredithsmiled,alittlesadly.Thatsnottheonlyissue,myfriend,andIthinkyou knowit.Butifyoudontmind... Idontmind. Andthenforamomenttheybothjustsat,lookingateachotherinthetoobright light,searchingeachotherseyes,andneitherofthemabletothinkofathingtosay. FinallyStefansaid,somewhathuskily,Weshouldreally... ...getstarted.Meredithnodded.Sheunbuttonedherblouseagain.Just... tellmewhattodo... Terrified.Shewasterrified.Stefanmadehimselfsmilewarmly,andheheldoutan armwideforhertorestagainst,butallthetimehismindwasracingwildlythroughoptions. Terrifiedmeantthatshewouldrebel.Hehadpromisednottousemindcontrol.She wouldexperienceagonizingpainshemightevenloseherbalanced,diamondbrightmind. Hewasabouttoputherthroughhell. Whatcouldhedotohelpher?Howcouldhegetherpastthefearthatwasmaking herrigidinhisarm,withlittletremorsrunningthroughher?Heknewwhatshewasthinking about:thecrystallinefangswiththeirdoublestingandthelong,frozenmomentsafteras herlifesubstanceleakedaway. Andthenhethoughtofsomething.APlanC,asElenamighthavesaid. Meredith,couldyoushutyoureyesforamoment?heasked,hisvoicestillhusky.I wantedtoaskyousomethinganditsalittleembarrassing.IrememberonethingElenatold me,andthatwasthatyouusedtowell,totakeonherdiscardedboyfriendsforalittle while,tocomfortthem,beforeturningthemloseintheworldagain.AndIwaswondering couldyouthinkofmethatway? Meredithseyesflewopenandherheldbreathexplodedinlaughter.You! Ifulfillalltherequirements,Imsure.Lowselfesteem.Cantsleep,canteat.I thinkaboutElenanightandday.Icantpicturemyselfeverwantinganothergirl Meredithlaughedandlaughedandthetensionthathadbeenholdingherrigidbroke. Allright,allright.YoureanElenasex.Jointheverylargeclub.ButwhatcanIdofor you ? Meredith,myfriend,mysane,levelheadedfriend...forafewminutes,willyou pretendwithme?Justforafewminuteswillyoupretendthateverythingweredoinghereis notforadesperatecause? Meredithseyesweredarkandunreadable.Whatareyousaying,Stefan?Whatisit youwant? Alwayssoforthright.Stefanfeltawaveofrelief.Meredithwasveryclosetofull womanhoodalthoughshehadprobablybeenthatwaysinceshewastwelveorthirteen. Shewasnotatightlyclosedblossom,butafragrant,softroseinfullbloom.Hecouldtreat herasanadult. Wouldyouwouldyouletmekissyou?I Hestopped,surprised,becauseMeredithwaslaughingagain,herdarkeyesflashing andsparklinginarainbowofcolors.AndthenherealizedthatMeredithwasactuallycloser tocryingthanmerriment.Therainbowglitteringwastears. WouldI let you?Meredithrepeated.Oh,mydeardimwittedfriend.Youreserious, arentyou?Youdontknowyourownpower,doyou? Stefanfelthimselfflushalittle.Idontknowwhatyouretalkingabout. Stefan,letmetellyousomething.ImaybefondofAlaricSaltzmanandsomeday, someday Imaymarryhim,truebutyoucankissmeanytimeyoulike.Yes,Illpretendwith you,Stefan.IfImgoingtodietonightortomorrow,Iwouldbegladtogohavingamemory ofcomfortinsteadoffear. Sheunderstoodthatitcouldbeeither.Thatwastheimportantpoint.Andwhenshe restedbackintothecrookofStefansarm,herbodywasrelaxed.Stefandidntwaitfornew doubtsorfearstoovertakeher.Heputagentlehandtohercheekandshuthiseyes. Thenhebenttohisfirstrealkissnotdream,notreveriesinceElenahaddied.He notedthatMeredithslipsweresoftandsurprisinglywarmandthentherewasasortof silkenexplosioninhismind.Meredithwasopeningtohim,givingofherself,showinghim thatElenawasnottheonlyonewhocouldturnakissintoaglimpseofthekingdomof heaven.OrintothegardenofEdenthegardenofgreenvalleyswhichStefancouldglimpse, butneveragainenter.Heartstricken,heclungtoher,andthekissstretchedonfarlonger thanhehadevermeantitto.Itresonatedlikeachordsopureandbeautifulthatitbuilds andbuildsuntileverythingisvibratingtoitstone,untilStefanfeltitinhisbonesandinhis achingbody...andhisachingfangs. Hazily,hesensedthethoughtsoflogical,practicalMeredithandfoundthemtoo hazythemselves,withtoogreatagenerosityinher,toomuchwillingnesstogiveofherself. They mustnt gostraightfromthisintothebloodfeast.EveninthedazeofStefans desireforitheknewthatmuch.Theyhadtotunethisdown. Stefanbrokefromthekiss. Meredithmadeafaint,longingnoiseandtriedtocuphisheadbackdown,onlyto meetinherfingersthesteelofastubbornvampiresneck.Shesighed,herbreathslowing. Thensheopenedhereyesandhesawtherainbowsheenoftearsintheirdarkness andthedampnessonherface. YoucannotdothattoBonnie,shesaid,withatremorinhervoice.Youcant.

Bonniesalittlegirl. Youthink?Youllfindout.Bonniewasbornawomanincertainareas.Yes,she dotsher iswithlittlehearts.But,maybebecauseshespsychic,orawitch,orwhatever, shesgrownupinthatonematter. Stefanlaughed,gladtoseethattheywerebothcalmingdown.AsforBonnie,it wasntevenwortharguingover:giddyBonnieoftheflashfloodemotionsBonniewhowasa sweetbubblychild,nothingmore.Allright,hesaidamiably.Iwont.ButbeforeI forgetheheldMeredithseyesandwaitedabeatandthensaidthankyou. Thank you ,Meredithreturnedandforonemomenthereyesmistedover.Butshe hadregainedhercomposure,althoughheroliveskinwasstillflushedandherbreathingstill slightlyunsteady.NowIknowthatElenawasntjustbraggingonyou. AndnowImembarrassed. Yourenot.Youmusthaveheardit,inallsortsofways,fromallsortsofgirls.Over allsortsofcenturies. Stefan,withthosedarkeyesonhim,felthisownskinflush.HemetMeredithsgaze squarely.Iwontlietoyou.Itsatoolintherepertoireofvampiretricks.Usually.But thatwas...themeetingoftwokindredsoulsinlovingkindness,Ithink.AndIthankyou. Meredithgavealongersigh.SometimesIwonderifanyonecancatchavampire unawareswithoutasnappyanswer. Ivebeenplayingthisparticulargameforhesmiledallsortsofcenturies. Andthatsusuallyhowitsstarted,isit?Gettingthebloodyouneed.Underthe guiseofromance? Orstraightoutmindcontrol.Hewasnthappytalkingaboutthis,butMeredithhad therighttoaskwhatevershelikedofhim,aslongastheygotonwithitsoon. Andsometimesyoufeelthingsstrongly,likejustnow,justlikeahuman Almost justlikeahuman.Stefancouldheartheundercurrentofsavageryinhis ownvoice. Meredithignoredit.Andwhenyouredrinkingbloodandyouretemptedtogotoo faryoureabletokeepyourhead?ThewayyoudidafewminutesagowhenIwantedto goonkissingandyouwouldntletme? Stefanstaredather. Itwasoneofthemostcourageousthingshedeverhearddoneincoldblood, Meredithaskingthatquestion. HeknewMeredithwouldrathernotthinkaboutthebloodfeastatall,andcertainly wouldrathernottalkaboutit.Andheknewshedidntwanttothinkaboutthe consequencesofthisparticularfeeding. Heshookhisheadslightly.Hedunderestimatedheragain. Andnowhehadtofacethequestion,too,anditdidntmatterthatthesituationhad beenforcedonhim,againsthismostviolentobjections.Meredithwasright:hehadbeen temptedafewminutesago. Hewastempted now .ThememoryofMeredithsblood,pulsinginthethin,softskin ofherlipsthewarmthofitpulsingagainsthismouthevennowpulsinginthegracefulolive columnofherthroat...DearGod,didsheevenknowhowshetemptedhim? Herdarkeyessaidshedidandthatshewassorry...andfrightened. Almostagainsthiswill,Stefanputupahandtotouchhercheekagain.Itwaswet, andthatwashisfault.Heshuthiseyesinpain,thenspokebetweensetteeth. Meredith,Ivebeendoingthisforalongtime.Andasyousaid,I wasabletocontrol myselfbefore.I think Icanpromiseyousafety,orwewouldntevenbeherehavingthis discussion.IInevertookenoughtotrulyendangerElenaundernormalconditions,and Hewincedandstopped. AndImnotElena,howevertempting. No Iunderstand, Stefan.Iwasntbeingcatty.Youvecomfortedme.AndIthinkwed betterstartnow,whileImcomforted. Meredith... Irememberwhatyouwanted.TothinkofElena,justindaytodaysituationsfrom theyearsyouneversawher.AndtheressomethingIwant,ifImallowedtoask. Of course . Letmeholdyou,Stefan.Letmethinkaboutlovingkindnessandbanishany thoughtsaboutGrandfatherfrommyhead.Iknow,Icanseewhatyouregoingtosay Itwouldbesoeasyifyouwouldletmenudgeyourmindfirst.Icouldlockoutany thoughtslikethat. Meredithshookherheadslowlybutdecisively.Nofiddlingwithmymind.Youcan readwhateverImthinkingaboutElena Thenyoullhavetocalltome.ItshouldbeeasyenoughonceIvetakenalittleof yourblood.Ourmindswillbeseparate,butclose,andifyoucallStefan!Ishouldhear you.Otherthanthat,Iswear,Iwontevensenseyourthoughts.Illputallmyenergyinto it. Thankyou.Truly.Illtrusttoyour...talentsandtoourloveforElena.This mindstheonlyoneIvegotandIdontwanttomesswithit. Stefangroanedinwardly,madehimselfsmilewanlyforMeredithssake.Andthenhe tookherintohisarms. Heheldhertightly.Elenahadlikedthis,sometimes,feelingtheghostofhistrue strength,knowingthatitcouldbeincreasedahundredfoldtocrushher,andthatitnever would. Meredithhadsaidshewouldtrusttohistalents.Well,giventheearlierconversation, thatcouldnthavebeenplainer. Elena,helpme,Stefanprayed.Thisyoungwomanwasyourclosestlivingconfidante. Helpmenottohurther,helpmetogiveherwhatshedeserves:afewminutesofsafetyand

happinessinthemiddleofanightmare. Thenhetrustedtoinstinct.Withsuddenboldness,hekissedMeredith,butsolightly andsobrieflythatitleftherwithherneckstretched,herlipspartedtomakeasoundof disappointment... Whichnevercame.Sincethatfirstkisshiscanineshadbeenachingfiercelyinhisjaw, andhedbeenashamedandafraidthattheyweredistortinghisspeech.Nowhesimplyleta tinypartofhisinstinctivedesiresliptheleash,andhestruckonce,teethbitingdeeplyinto thearchofMeredithstannedthroat.Meredithgaspedonceinpainandthengaspedonce more.

Meredith
Meredithhadfeared,afterthatkiss,thatthenextpartwouldbealtogethertoomuchfor her.Butitwasadifferentkindofexperienceentirely,andMeredithunderstoodthatshehad beenwrongintryingtoforcearomanticaspectontothebloodfeast.Forthesefew momentsfewhoursordays,asfarasshecouldtellshewasnotStefanssweetheart,she wasnotevenStefansfriendjoinedinlovingkindness. S hewasprey . Stefanwasthepredatorandshewashisvictim. Ofcourse,Stefanwasathinkingpredator,andasgentleasoulashadeverhadto developahardshellinselfdefense,buthewasapredatorjustthesame. Hehadsuccessfullyfoughthisgenessothathewas not simplyagraceful,expert killingmachineeverytimehungerdrovehimtoappeaseit.Butjustthesametheromance thathadmadehimandElenaasortoflegendarymoderndayRomeoandJuliethadcome fromanotherpartoftheirselvesentirely,Merediththought.Elenahadfalleninlovewiththe beastdespitethefactthathewas,andwouldforeverremain,abeast:ahunter,sniffingthe wind,evaluatingtheodds,lookingfortheweakmembersoftheherd.Hewasadifferent sortofbeingaltogetherthanahuman,andMeredithknewthenthatshecouldneverdo whatElenahaddone.Shecouldneverentirelytrustcouldneverentirelyrelaxwithandshe could certainly neverfallinlovewithabeinglikeStefanSalvatore. AndnowitwasMeredithsjobtosubmittothiscreature:toanintelligentbeing,a person,butnotahuman. Totryanddistractherself,shewonderedwhatnamethescientistsmightgivethis variationonhumanity,on homosapienssapiens . Homo sapiensvampiris ?Oh,comeon, Meredith,whatwastheLatinforvampire? Homosapienslamius? Maybetheywouldnt botherwithtraditionandwouldgoforawordthatsimplydenotedwhatthenewbeings were: homosapiensraptor or homosapienssuperioris .Theywouldundoubtedlytakeover theworldiftheycouldfindawaytoreproducefastenough,andtocooperatewitheach other.Forthatmatter,Meredithwonderedthattheyhadntalreadytakenover. Therewasnoquestionthatthecreaturesweremoreintelligentthanhumans,quicker, stronger,higheronthefoodchainoh,thatwasfunnyifyouthoughtaboutit. Anythingwasfunnyifyouhadtothinkaboutitinthissituation.Whatwasbeing demandedwasperhapstheultimatesubmission,thatshegiveherverybloodtooneof thesecreaturesthatsheremainstillwhileskeweredlikeagrubonthetoosharpcaninesof aninsectivore. Shecouldfeeltheflowofblood,yes,andshecouldfeelasortofpleasureinbeingrid ofit,asifmedievaltheoriesaboutleachesandcuppingweretrueandshewasoverbloated withit.Thewarmflowwasalmostpleasant,relaxing.Butshewasfartooawareofherown entirepowerlessness,asifshewereboundhandandfoot,unabletohaveanysayinthe controlofherownbody.Andshewasfartooawareoftheinhumanhumanwhoheld her.Hewasdrinkingher blood ,forGodssake!Shehadbeenrelegatedtotheranksof FDAproducts.Theycouldmeasureherblooddonationintermsofnutritionalvaluehowdid youdecidewhatmadeupasingleserving...? Igavemyword,shethought,usingthelastofherdisciplinetokeepherselffrom screaming.Igavemyword.TosaveFellsChurch.Tosaveothergirlsfromjustthiskind of...rapeoftheirveins.Tearsrolleddownthesidesofherfaceandfellintoherhair, unheeded.AndstillshelayinStefansarms,unmoving. Therewasnorendingpain,atleast,soshesupposedshewasnotresistingenough tomeritthat.Buttheonlythingremotelylikepleasurewasthedesperatethoughtthat soon...itmustbesoon...thiswouldend. Andthen...ohGod,shewouldhaveenoughtothinkabout.Startingwithhowto lookStefanintheface. Maybeyoushouldntlookathim.Maybeyoushouldjustpackupyourthingsand runfromthistown...

Stefan
MeredithsbloodwasascomplicatedaflavorasthecolorofMeredithseyes.Blackberrywine wasStefansfirstthought.Butitlingeredandchangedonthepalate,becomingdryer,less sweet,moresmokywithahintofbramble.Itendedwithanaged,maturetastethatwas entirelyindividual,entirelyindescribablebecauseitwas Meredith flavoredanditlefthim yearningformore. And itpackedquiteakick. Meredithslifeforcewas strong .Asstrong,initsownway,asElenashadbeen, becauseMeredithherselfwassostronginbothbodyandmind.Shealsohadsomething vampireslovedindonors,awisdomthathadnothingtodowithage.Allthatcombinedin thebloodtomakeaheadywineindeed,andtemptedStefantodrinkmorethanheshould. Hetriednottogiveintotemptation,butinsteadtomakethislast,thisblissthat couldonlybegivenbythosestronginnature,butready,forwhateverreason,tolendtheir

strengthandsweetnessforafewmomentstothehunter. Elenahadbeenoneoftheelect.Fearless,adventurous,trusting:shehadlovedto love,andtorompinCupidssunnygroveasoneofhisowndreadfuladolescentpoemshad putit.Shehadlikedtoteasehimtotaunthiscanineswithfeatherlighttouchesuntilhe washalfoutofhismindwithneed,beforeallowinghimtobreachherveins.Thenshewould giveherselfentirelytohim,totheexperience,gloryingingivingallshe could givetohim,as ifshecouldpourherselfoutentirelyintohisveins,sothattheywerecompletelyintermingled together:one.Shehadbeenan artiste butnotoutofexperience.Itwasentirelyoutof lovethatshehadgainedherinspiration.ShecouldhavemadeStefangrovelbeforeher, worshipher,abasehimself.Insteadshehadjoinedherstrengthtohisstrengthand suffusedthembothwithjoy. Elena... ...wasnotMeredith. AndMeredithhadnotcalledforhim. Later,thinkingaboutit,Stefanwouldcountitasoneofthefewtimesinhislifewhen hehadshowedgoodsense,whenhehadresistedalthougheverynerveandmuscleand sinewinsidehimwasbegginghimtoignorethegadflyofathoughtthattoldhimthat somethingwaswrong.ThathewasfailingMeredith. Meredithwassupremelydisciplinedandcompassionate.Perhapsnooneelsecould haveremainedintheinhumanclutchesofafairytalemonsterforsolongandgivenso much,withoutpanickingandattackingthemonster.Elenahad,ofcourse.ButMeredithwas notmadlyinlovewithhim,inlovewiththeideathatshecouldgiveherselftohimwithevery dropofherblood.AndElenahadthoughtofhimashuman.Cursed,buthuman. Shedbeenwrong,ofcourse.Damonsdesiretomakeherhisconsort,halfofa matedpairofinhumanhunterassassins,hadbeenmuchmorelogical.ButwhenhadElena everbeenlogical? AndnowhewastorturingElenasbestfriend. Thethoughtcametohimquitesimplyand,ifnotquiteinwordsofonesyllable,itwas verysimpletounderstand. Meredithwastoosmartandtoodisciplinedandtoologicaltostruggle,andsohe wasntcausingheragony,butitcertainlywasnothinglikethekiss.Meredithwas experiencing,inallitsrawugliness,thetruthbehindthemindillusionsthatvampiresusually usedtoseducetheirvictims. Hebrokehispromiseaboutnotreadinghermind.Heallowedhimselftosensejusta littleofwhatshewasexperiencing. Shedidntlikeit. Panting,stunned,Stefanpulledhisheadup. Oh,God.Imsosorry.Meredithoh,myfriend,mydear,dearfriend... Thetieofbloodwasstrongenoughtoallowhimtospeakwithoutwords.But,of course,thatwasbecausehewasamonster. Hestareddownather,andthen,inonemotion,herolledawayandwasonhisfeet, franticallylickingtheevidenceofwhathedbeendoingfromhislipsandteeth.Hiscanines wouldnotretractimmediately,butheputallhisenergyintobluntingthoserazorsharptips anddrawingsomeoftheirlengthbackintohisjaws. Hecouldntrememberfeelingsoashamed,so caught ,sinceElenahadinnocently stumbleduponhimfeeding. Hewaspacingwithoutthinking,thewaythatadistraughtpantherpacesitscage.He couldfeelthestingoftearsinsidehisnoseandbehindhiseyes,butwhatgoodwoulditdo tocry?Hepaced,shuddering,untilMeredithhadfinishedbuttoningupherblouse.Andas hedid,involuntarily,fromthesweetdryaftertasteofMeredithsblooddissolvingintohis body,heunwillinglysawmoreofherthoughts. Hereallycouldnthelpit.Asthemoleculesfromherdonationfittedintoplaceinhis ownoxygenreceptors,randomphrasesbubbledupinhismind.Homosapiensraptor.Top ofthefeedingchain.Whyhadnttheytakenovertheworldalready? Shecouldneverentirelytrustcouldneverentirelyrelaxwithandshecould certainly neverfallinlovewithabeinglikeStefanSalvatore. HestoppedhispacingMeredithhadfinishedwithherblouse.Hewasconvenientlynearthe door.Helookedather.Histhoughtsweretangledinsuchloopsandknotsthattheonly wordshecouldforceoutwere,God,andSosorry. Meredithscool,incisiveintelligencehadstrippedhimbare.Shehadputhiminhis place,alongwiththefox,thecobra,thetiger,andtheshark.Heknewnowthatshewould neverlookathimwithoutseeingadeadlysnakeinthegrassandfeeling,alongwithEmily Dickinson,zeroatthebone. HefumbledwiththelockasheheardMeredithsfootstepsonthewoodenfloor.He hadlostElena,andnowhehadlosthisonlylinkstoElenabecauseofcoursehecouldnt faceBonnieorMatteveragain.HeopenedthedoorforMeredithwithafeelingthatashe sawherbackretreatingfromhimhewouldseeallthree... Wait.Itwasjustoneword,spokenhoarsely,butitfrozeStefanlikeatrollcaught bysunlight.Ittookhimamomentbeforehecouldcomposehimselfenoughtolookback intotheroom. Meredithwasstandingup,butshewasfartherfromthedoorthanbefore.Shewas standingbythewindow,lookingoutasifshewereseekinganswersinMrs.Flowerskitchen garden. Wait,shesaidagain,asiftoherself.Stefan,doyouthinkthat hecangetinto ourthoughtsaswellasourdreams? Stefanfeltaboundofhopeinhischest,followedbytheinevitablefall.Idont know.Hewouldhavetobeverypowerful.Andwewouldhavetobeveryvulnerable suchaswhenImconcentratingallmyenergiesonrelaxingandlettingmyselfbe controlledbysomethingfromtheoutside? StefanstudiedMeredithforlongerthistime.Henoticedthathereyesdidnotskitter

awayfromhisgaze.Shewasntafraidtolookathim. IsitallrightifIcomebackin?heasked,asifitwasnthisownroomandshe noddedwithouthesitation.Shewasntafraidtobealonewithhim. Butdespitethewarmththatkindledinsidehimatsuchsignshehadtoberational. Meredith,whatyouwerethinkingIcaughtsomeofit.Icouldnthelpit.Andyouwere right .Imnothuman.Imnotthesamespeciesasyouare.Imacarnivorethatwouldlive onlyoffhumansif...ifIcouldlivewithmyselfthatway. AndIama...axenophobe.SheglancedathimasiftoseeifheknewtheEnglish word.Someoneafraidofaliens,thatsthedictionarydefinition.Butitreallymeans someoneafraidofhumansfromothercountries,orpeoplewhoarejusttoodifferent. Verysuddenly,sheputherhandstoherface,whichwasntlikeMeredithatall. Meredithwasalwaysincontrol.Hervoice,muffled,wenton,Imashamedofmyself.Iknow you,andyetIcouldthinkallthat...crap. Andshedidntswear,notevenmildly.Stefanbegantospeaktohertoexplainthat shewastheonewhowasright,andthathewasjustasalienanddangerousasshehad thought,whenshetookherhandsawayfromherface. Iknow you,StefanSalvatore.AndifyousaythateverythingIwasthinkingistrue thenIhavesomethinkingtodo.Icanthelpbutbeprejudicedonthesideofordinary humans.ButIalsooweanapologytotheoneofyour...species...whoiswillingtodie tosavemine. Shewalkedtowardhim,herhandheldout.Stefanstoodmute.Thenhetookher hand,butinsteadofshakingit,bentandkissedit. ButhewasthinkingaboutElena,andaboutjusthowrareshehadbeen.Without himcontrollinghermind,shehadacceptedhim.Withouthimcontrollinghermind,shehad seducedhimforthathadbeen,intruth,whathadhappened.Withouttheslightestfetter aroundhermindorbody,shehadgivenhimherblood,andhaddelightedinit. Elenahadbeenlikeaforceofnature:takeherorleaveherforthepassionate,cynical, idealistic,selfcentered,generoustoafault,girlthathadbeenhermortalself.Awild tropicalstorminrisinginamillpond.Anorchidinafieldofdaisiesagryphoninaherdof sheep.Elenahadneverbeenlikeanyonebutherself.Andshehadabsolutelygloriedinthe momentwhenshecoulddropallherdefensesandsubmitentirelytothefateofthequarry caughtbythehunterbecausethehunterhadbeenherheartsdesire,andbecauseinall otherthingshewasherslave,tocherishorspurnordestroyasshepleased.AndStefan hadgloriedin that . Theyhadbeenapairofmadlittlethings,inloveinawaythatwassenselessand probablyhopelessfromthestart.FirstloveforhenowrealizedthatbeforeElenahehad onlyexperiencedinfatuationonaplanetaryscale.Butithadchangedhim,hewouldswear, fromacreaturewhogloomilyenjoyedhisdoomazombiethatcouldonlyrememberand rememberthetimeofhishumanity,intoanapproximationofahumanbeingforthelittle timethathehadhadher. MaybeIminsane,hethought,shamealwaysreadytoleapforhisthroat.Ihelped herafterthefirsttimewhenshehaditallherownwaytodothosethings.Ifwhatthey haddoneequatedtomadness,asitwouldseemto,thenhehadaidedandabettedher... Stopit,Stefan! ThevoicewassosharpitwasalmostlikehavingDamonmockhim,urginghimto renouncetheroleofmartyr.Stefanflushed,fullofnewblood,fullofanger Andtheninshock,glancedupward. Therewasnomistakingthatvoiceorthatindignation.Bonniehadbeenright,his inamoratawashere,watchingoverhim.HelookedatMeredithtoseeifshehadheard anythingandsawthatshehadnt. WhowashetofloutoneofElenasedicts? Meredithsdarkeyeswereonhim.Hesaid,aproposofnothing,Youriggedthe drawingofthetwigs.Youmadesureyoudbefirst. Shedidntadmititaloud,buthecouldstillpickupthoughtsfromhermind. Rigorously,hetriedtoshuthisownmindtoit. Youwantedtoseeifitwasbearable. Thistimesheansweredhim.IfitwouldbebearableforanybodyexceptElena.I thinkBonniewillbefine,ifyoucontrolhermind,andkeepitlightandromantic. Likethekiss? Sheflinched,makinghimflinch.Thenshestraightenedherselfandmethiseyesagain directly,sparinghimnothing.Alittlelighterthanthekiss,shesuggested. Hewasnthurtbyherreactionhismindwaselsewhere.AndMatt? IfIcanstanditbut,no,Mattisntsensible.Youreabsolutelyright.Ivegotto stopMattevenifitmeanshittinghimoverthehead.Helltryto give andhellbe humiliatedandmortifiedwhenhecant. Stefanlookedaway.Youwerehumiliatedandmortified? Werebeingcompletelyhonestwitheachother,arentwe? Henodded. Stefanitisntflattering. Tellme. Ifeltwelldisposable.Asif,whenyouweredonewithme,youwouldcrushmelike analuminumcanandtossmeinthewastebasket.IkeptwonderingifIdbeevaluatedby theFDA.Ididntfeellikeaperson anymore. Stefancouldfeelthehairsonthebackofhisneckrise.Hewantedtocry.Butthat wasasunfairtoMeredithasanythingelsethathadhappened.Shewouldendupcomforting him,theperpetrator. DontStefan,itsnotthatbad.Wediditforareason,areasonwedbothagreed onbeforehand.Sojustsayingfoodisallwrong.IguessIwasthinkingoftheother girlsandboysouttherewhosawasuddendarkshadowinthenight

Andthenfoundthemselvesbeingservedraw.Wedowhatwedo,Meredith.We preyonyourspecies.Toustomostofusyou are meat.Andforalotofvampires, youredisposable,alotofthemkillwhentheyfeedButyouveknownthatallalong, Meredith.Youknewhowdifferentwewere.Youknewwewerethatbad.Howcouldithave comeassuchasurprise?

Meredith
Merediththought,partlybecauseknowingsomethingisnotthe sameasexperiencingit.Andthenshethought,becauseIwashopingI waswrong. Stefanplease.Whateveryourraceis, you arenot.Andsome ofwhatIfeltwassheerfearandunfamiliarity. No,youwererightthefirsttime.Itsnotsomethingyoushould havetogetusedto.Underanycircumstances.Ima Meredithscellphonechimed. Likeanautomatonshepickedup.Yes?Matt?Yes,werejustfinishinguphere.I knowtimeisrunningout.Wellhurry. SheputthephonedownandlookedatStefan. Therestofmydinnergettingimpatient? Meredithjustcouldntdealwiththeselfhatredbehindthatcomment.Sheturned away.Then,withoutlookingatStefan,shesaid,Mattwasright,youknow.Timeisrunning out. Meredithbrushedherhandstogethertoshowthatshewasdone.Thenshepicked upherpurse.Ihavetothinkalittle,Stefan.Thenmaybewecantalkagain. Right,Stefansaiddully.Sheknewheknewwithouteitherofthemhavingtosayit, thattheirrelationshipwouldneverbethesame.Thattheymightnot have anyrelationship evenifsomehowtheybothsurvivedthisnight. Hereachedtohelpherintoherwindbreaker,butshetookitfromhishandsandputit onherself.Hereyeswereashamedandapologetic,butshediditanyway.Somehowshe didntwanttobecateredtoby homosapienssuperioris rightnow. Stefan,ImImsorry.Butnomatterwhat,IvegottoturnBonnieovertoyou now. Bonnie,thesmallest,youngest,mostfragileofanyofthem.Stefanopenedhis mouth,butMeredithwasalreadyturningtounlockandopenthedoorbyherself.She turnedbacktosayonlyonething. Itsthebiggestclichinthehumanworld,Stefan,butpleasebegentlewithher. Anditsnotsuchabigclich,butifyouarent,andwesurvivetonightwell,thenitsgoing tobemecomingafteryou.Themeatbitesback! Stefandidntsmile.Silently,henodded. Hecouldneverhaveguessedwhathewaspromisingwiththatonesmallgesture.

Bonnie
Bonniewasexcited.Shewasdevouredbycuriosity,pricklingwithfear,tooimpatienttostay inthecar,and...well,justexcited. SheandElenahadtakenupboysbeforeMeredithorevenCarolinehad.Bonniehad beenaflirtsincekindergarten.Andbythetimetheyhadhitpubertywell,itwas Elena not BonniethatgotnicknamedIcePrincessforthrowingawayherboyfriendsjustbeforethey proposedmarriage.(Or,ifnotmarriage,eternaldevotion.)Bonniewasntaniceprincess, shewasafirebrand. AndshedhadbeenhearingElenaboastaboutStefanforwhatseemedlikeyears. AndnowBonniewasgoingtogettoexperiencewhatElenahadsaidwastheultimate, andshewasgoingtodoitsafely,forofcourseStefanwassafe.Stefanwassafeas...as adeer.Sometimeshewaslikeadeercaughtintheheadlights,sometimeshewaslikethe rarewildfawnsthatwouldletyoufeedthembecausetheydidntknowwhatyouwere. Shecouldntwait. Shewastrampingaroundthecarforthesixtysixthtime(oh,surelytheydbedone soon!Elenasaiditwasjustamatterofteaspoonsfull,andMeredithwasnttheromantic kindtostretchthingsout!)whensheranintosomething. Shedbeenstaringatherfeet,soshehadtolookuptoseewhatitwas.Andthen shehadtolookupsomemore.Andthenshehadtodecidewhethertoscreamornot. Trackingawoozle?Damonaskedher.Heseemedperfectlyserious.Thenexttime wegoaround,therewillbeseventyofthem. BonniewasnotabouttobedistractedespeciallybyWinniethePooh.Youyou Yes,itisI. Youleftus. Ithinkitwasmoretheotherwayround.Callitamutualdissolutionofour partnership,anyway. Donttrytoconfusemewithbigwords.Youreatraitorthatswhatyouare.And becauseofyouagirlisdead.Andthatmakesmefeellikelike Yes?Helookedcuriousandamused. Likedoing this !Bonniesteppedhardonhisinsole,wishingshewaswearingher partyshoesthenbackedupandtookarunningkickathisshinandaddedanelbowtothe ribs. Itwastruethatthiswashermethod,orheropeningmethodanyway,whenshewas ondatesandboysmisbehaved.Fromhereonitwenttobrokennoses,blackenedeyes, and...well,seriousdislocationsofthegroinalregions.WhenBonniedidntwanttoplay Bonniedidntplay.

Unlikemostofhercombatants,however,Damondidnotscream.Hedidnteven blink.Andhecertainlywasnthoppingaroundcursing,ordoubledupmoaninginpain.He simplystoodexactlyashehadbeenstandingandlookedatherashehadbeenlooking, curiousandhopefulofamusement. Thenheflashedoneofhisinimitablesmiles,onethirtysecondthofasecondon,and theninstantly offagain,andsaid,Andwhatareyouplanningtodo now ? Shelookedupathim.Mattwasinthecar,hisbacktothem,probablylisteningto musicifhewasntundersomespellofDamons.StefanandMeredithwereevenfarther away,andpreoccupied. Vampires.Youjustcouldnttrustthemtofeelpainlikerealpeople.Evenher patentedkneetothefamilyjewelspatentedbecauseofitsspeed,force,andasecret secondbounceshewasntdemonstratingforanyoneprobablywouldhavenoeffect. ShestartedtolookatDamonagain,butsuddenlyherpointofviewwaswhirling.He hadpickedherupasifsheweighednomorethanakittenandputherdownagain,facing awayfromMattandthehouse.Shefeltthewhiplashofabramble.Whenshelookedback atDamonherbravadohadundergoneaseriouschangefortheworse.Shefoundherself thinkinghowfortunatebutunlikelyitwouldbeforStefanandMeredithtocomeoutonthe porchrightthisveryminute.Sheblinkedandfoundthatshewasblinkingbacktears. IllIllputaspellonyou,shesaidinasmallvoice. Aspelltodowhat?Hereachedoutandtouchedherjawwhereajuttingtree branchhadcaughther.Yourebleeding. Bonniefeltherheartbegintogallop.Itsnothing. Itoughttobetakencareof. Notyourway,Bonniesaid,andsheheardtheoddestthingasortoffaintechoto hervoice,saying, Notyourway . Inanycase,Damonlookedaround.Sotheherohasadmittedhesjustliketherest ofusraptorsatlast,hesaid,eyeingthewindowtoStefansatticroomfromwhichsurely, anyminutenow,StefanandMeredithwouldbestartingdownstairs. Idontknowwhatyoumean. NeitherdoIreally.ExceptthatStefancouldntkeephisvow,couldhe?Heknows heneedstohavehumanblood. We made himdoit,Bonniesaidfiercely.MattandMeredith,and,yes,evenElena toldhimthathehadto.Andme. SomethingsparkedinDamonseyes.Sothelovebirdsarehavingconversationsat willnow? Elenatalkedtohim,toorderhimtodoit,Bonniesaid,stretchingapoint. Again,thefeelingofrushingthroughtheair,beingliftedlikeadoll,andthistime, endinguppinnedagainstatree.Herarmsandlegsweremuchtooheavytotryanyofthe usualselfdefenseinherrepertoire.Andofcoursetherewasnochanceofscreaming. Damonsfacewasclosetoher.Therefloatedbacktoheramemoryofamuchmore immatureBonniesayingthatitwouldbesoromantictobekilledbysomeonethis handsome.Shedbeenalittle idiot ,thatswhatshehadbeen.God,ifshecouldgether handsonthatyoungerselfofhersnow... SoyoumadeStefantakeyourblood,hesaid,butImstilljustapooroutsider, forcedtostalkyouforyourowngood. Ihaventdoneityet,Bonniesaid,knowingthatshesoundedlikeakittenspitting ragewithallitsfurfluffedup.Butthenshethoughtofsomethingelse. Elenaiswatchingyou,shesaid,combiningwhatshewassurewasthetruthwith theguessofthenextquestion.Elenawantstoknowwhatyouregoingtodotonight.You saidyouwerewatchingusforourowngood.Areyougoingtohelpus?Help him ?Orjust watch? Ireallyhaventdecided,Damonsaid,andBonnie,lookingintothoseblackas obsidianeyes,feltthatthiswasthesimpletruthandallbetsweretrulyoffwithhim. And,althoughtearsfloodedhereyesanddownhercheeks,shewouldntlookaway fromhim.Shewouldntgivehimthesatisfactionofseeingherbreakdownentirelyand whisper,Butweregonerswithoutyou... Youdbegonerswithme,too.Hepluckedherthoughtoutoftheair.Youmust knowthat.Whatyourechallengingisntbeatable.Thatsthetruth,maybenotinwordsof onesyllablebutassimplyasIcanputitwithoutresortingtosockpuppets.Dowe understand? Bonniewasbeyondbeingdistressedoverpersonalthings. ItsthetownImworriedabout.FellsChurch Kingdomsriseandkingdomsfall.WhenyouveseenenoughofthemasIhaveyou developanindifference.Andthismiserableplaceishardlyadotonthemap,anyway. Bonnielookedupangrilybuthehadalreadyturnedonhisblandfaceandhispurring, persuasivevoice. Ifyouhavebloodtogivetolittlebrother,thenyouhavebloodtogivetome,he said,lookingatherwithlastpuppyintheshopeyes.Itdoesnttakemuch,youknow. Andmaybeitwillpersuademe... Therewasawordforthiskindofexchange,oratleastfortheclosesthuman equivalent,butBonniedidntcare.Despitethesharpthought, No!, thatflashedacrossher mind,shelookedupatDamonwitheyesthatwerejustasroundandinnocentashedmade his,andcornflowerbluetoboot.Really?Itmightpersuadeyoutostayandfightonour side? Itcertainlywouldprovideincentive,evenifIdontthinkwedhaveachance. Andyoudtrulystay?Youwouldntbreakyourworda Littlehuman,Ihaveneverbrokenmyword. Bonniedidnttaketimetopuzzleoverthis.ShelookedintoDamonseyesendless darknessthere,unpiercedbyanyrayoflightandshetoldherselffirmlythatshewasnt

goingtofaint.DamonwasverydifferentfromStefan,butwhatdiditmatter? Thendoit,shesaidhastily.Butdoitquick,andsomewhereStefanwontseeit. Thebackofmyneck,maybe? ShecaughtDamonstaringather.Youd IddoanythingtohelpFellsChurch.Thepeopleherearelikemyfamily.Ivegrown upwiththem.AndthisseemstobetheonlywayIcantrytohelpthem. Damonliftedherinhisarmsandturnedhersothatshefacedawayfromhim.Buthe diditslowly,asiffightinghiswaythroughmolasses. Youresure?Heseemedunabletobelieve,thatafteryearsofwooingElenaandher friendsaftercourtingthemandterrorizingtheminturn,hehadactuallywonthegame. Yes,Bonniesaid.Justbequick.Please.WhatBonniewasafraidofnowwasthat StefanandMeredithwouldfinishtoosoon.Damonhadhauledthemintoalittleprivate clearing,somaybetheremightbecomeexcusetomakebutthewholethingwouldlook bad.Boysmadethingssocomplicated. Allright.Illmakeitquick,Damonsaidinadazedway.Then:Thiswillstingat first. Iknow,Iknow.BonniefeltDamonsbreathonthebackofherneck.Hewas holdingupherhair,exposinghernecktothedarkness.Sheshuddered,notbecauseit wascold.Thenshefeltthetouchofhislipsthereonherspinalcord,coolerthanshewould haveimagined.Hekissedherlightlyandawaveoffeelingwentthroughher. Damon,youletthatgirlgorightnow! Itwasavoicefromabovelikealltheclichsforheavenlyvoices.Itwasotherworldly, likefarawaybells,likesilver.Butitscommandwasunnecessary.Damonhadalready droppedBonnieandcaughther,stillfalling,thistimefacinghim. Elenadidntwantthemto. Bonnie...overto...house...Damon...beashamed! Elenawasfadingbuthermeaningwasclear.Damonhowever,didnotlookinthe slightestashamed. Yourestillababy,baby,hetoldBonnielightly,andflickedhernosewithhisfinger inamostinsultingway.Actually,hewenton,Ihadalreadydecidednottobeforeshe evenspoke..Yourenotripeyet.Bloodalwaystells,andIcantellyourenotreadyfrom here.StillHeleanedoverandgracefulasacat,lickedthetinywoundonBonnieschin. Shefelthistongueasastrongsilkiness,notatallraspylikeacatstongue,leavinga coolnessbehinditthatturnedtowarmth. Bonniegropedforsomeresponse.Ithadtobeagoodone,sinceshedjustbeen rejected.Butwhileshewasstillfumblingforswearwordsbadenough, Damonwinkedandsaid,Dontburstabloodvesseltryingtomakeme too mad.Afterall,somedayyou will beripe.AndIvegotagood memory.Andthen,whileBonniewasstillgropingforsomeresponse, hetookastepbackandwasgone,blendinginwiththedarkness.

Stefan
Bonnie?Bonnie! Sheappearedalmostimmediately,onherowntwofeet,andlookingentirely unharmed.Well,maybenotentirely.Shedbeencrying. Whereishe?Stefancaughthershouldersandalmostshookthem.Damon! Heappeared,madesomescarynoisesandthenheleft.Elenasvoiceshooedhim away. Idontbelieveyou.Youvebeencrying. Oh,wellyouknowDamon.Healwaysmanagestosaytheexactthingthathurts most. Stefangrittedhisteeth.Why didIlethimcomeoverhere?Icouldhavestopped himontheothersideoftheAtlantic Thatsallpast,cameMeredithsvoicefrombehindStefan,andwhenBonnieheardit shegotashock.Meredithsvoicewas...different.Meredithsaura,whenshesteppedinto Bonniesview,wasdifferent,too. Hedidnthecouldnthavemadeheravampireinthatshortatime,Bonnie thoughtcouldhe?Butthatwasntit.MeredithsaurawasntatalllikeStefans,or Damons,either,itwasstillhuman.Butithadchangedinsomefundamentalway.Meredith wasevencooler,morerationalmoredistantthanshehadeverbeenbefore. Shedreceivedashock,Bonniecouldtellthat.Andshewasthinkingaboutit. Bonniewantedtoruntoherandhugherandhugheruntilherwarmthmadeitsway throughthethinlayeroficethatseemedtocoatMeredithsbody.HadStefandonethisto her?Stefansaurawascertainlysorrowful,butMeredithwasntangrywithStefan.What hadhappenedbetweenthem? Nextshift,shesaid,inthehighlightvoiceofsomeonetryingtodistractthemall. ShetookStefansarminhersandstartedtowardthelightofthedoor,almostdragginghim along.Shecouldnthelpbeingplayfulandditzy,butsheallowedherpersonalityfullrein. Andheranatomyonlyhelped:diminutivestature,thatmopofstrawberryblondhairnotto mentionherheartshapedfacewithitsdelicatefeaturesandthosehugecornflowercolored eyes. Andsheseemedyoungerthantherestorshecouldseemyoung.Ifsheworelose sweaterstocoverherblossomingyoungfemininity,andchatteredinaquick,highvoice withoutevercensoringathingthatcameintoherhead,peopleforgothowoldshereallywas andweretemptedtomussuphercurlswhilesayingthatshereallywascharmingor adorableandentirelyforgettingthatshewasovereighteen.

ButtherewasanotherBonniebeneaththatone,andevenanotherstillbeneaththe Bonniethatlikedfastcarsandfastboys,andthatwastheoneherfriendswouldrecognize themosteasily.ItwasthisdeepestBonniewhohadenviedElenaandStefan,notfortheir fairytalerelationship,butforthestabilitythatshecouldsenseinit.ABonniewhowas,at heart,awoman,andwhohadbeenoneforalongtime. AndDamonhadjustthrownachallengetothewomanlyBonnie.Shecouldfeelthe hurt,hotrageburninginsideherasshewalkedwithStefanupthestaircase,hisarmin hers. Elena? shecalled.Shewasfuriouslycalculatingiftheplanthathadjustoccurredto hermightpossiblyhurtanyone. Elena? Silence. Canyouhearme? Silence. ElenatheresaPlanBIwanttotrywithStefan,butIdontknowifyoullbemad. Illforgetaboutitrightnowifyoullbemad. Nothing.Bonnietriedtothinkothercolorsandformsinhermind,tochange channels.Sometimesitworked. Elena,ifIdonthearfromyouImgoingtotryit.Icantthinkofanyoneelsethat itmighthurt,anditmightdoStefansomegood. StillnopresencefromElena. Bonniesheartsanksuddenly. Areyouleavingthisentirelyuptome? Thatwould bejustlikeyouandMeredith. YouwouldsayitwouldhelpmegrowuptoknowwhatI want. Silenceallaroundher.NoonepresentexceptherselfandStefanalonetogether,as theysaid. Allright,then.Imtakingyouallon.Thisismyresponsibility,andonlymine. Whichwasallpartofbeingawoman. Stefanwaswatchingher.Hehadseemedstartledbyhereagernessfromthe beginning,butprobablyputtingitdowntowantingtogetitoverwith. Butnow,withthedoorshutandlockedbehindhim,hewaswatchingher,with distinctlyworriedeyes.Asshewalkedaroundtheroomandendedupontheworn,creaky oldcouch,hisaurawasburningapuzzledyellow.Shewonderedwhethertofeign nervousness,andthendecidedshedidnthavetofeignit.Shelookedupathim,withher stillwet,stillcornflowerblueeyesattheirwidest. PlanBwaswhatthegirlscalleda blitzkrieg plan. Itangledthetieofmywindbreakerbefore,andnowIcantseetountieit,shesaid. Andthatstheabsolutetruth!shethought.Yes,ifyoudontaskexactlywhenbeforewas. Heuntangledit,necessarilystandingclosetoher.Allboysweretallcomparedto Bonnie,butStefanwasjusttherightheightforleaningherheadagainsthisshoulder,and sostraightandslimandsomehowpliantlikeaninjaorapantherorsomethingthathadto bereadytomoveinanydirectionatonce.Andhesmelledwonderfullygood.Thatwasone ofthemostimportantthingstothedeepestBonnie:smell.Andanother,whichhealsohad, wasvoice.Stefanwasavirtuousknight,faithfultothememoryofhisElenabuthealso hadavoicethatcouldmeltbutterrightoutoftherefrigerator. Yes,wehavenoproblemshere.Imattractedtohim.Butcouldheeverbe attractedtome? Bonnieslidoffherwindbreaker,andthen,watchingStefanunderhereyelashes,undid theonebigbuttonofherjadegreensweater,andbegantopullitoverherhead. Stefanasexpectedmadeanincoherentnoiseofprotest.Thatwasoneadvantage shehad.Shewasagabbler.Shecouldtalkthehindlegoffanelephantgiventhechance, andStefanwasapolitelistenerwhodidntliketointerrupt. Itsokay,silly,Ivegotanothertoponunderneathit,shesaidandfinished shruggingthesweateroff. Thiswastechnicallytrue.Shehadacamisoleonunderneathitaveryprettycream coloredone,withknotsofribbonandlacedecoratingthebodice.Sheusuallyworeitwitha sweaterwhentheweathercouldchangesuddenlyandshecouldwhiponalightertopoverit. ShejusthopedthatStefandidntknowenoughaboutmodernwomensunderwearto recognizeitasnotexactlyoutdoorwear. EspeciallywhentheonlythingunderthecamisolewasBonnie. ItseemedthatElenahadneglectedthisareaofhiseducation.Bonniementallywiped sweatoffherforehead. Itsaprettytop,Stefansaid.Buttheeveningsarechillyuphere Itshouldnttakelong.Andwellkeepeachotherwarm,Bonniesaid.Oh,Lord,had shejustsaidthat?FromStefansexpressionshehad. Bonnieitisnt HedidntevenstandachanceagainstlipsthathadkissedtheBlarneyStone. Iknowitisnt,shesaid.Butbeforewebeforeyoutakemyblooditwasgood togetthatinhereatthebeginning,toremindhimofthedebtheowedherIwas wonderingifwecouldjustsittogetherforaminuteortwo.SoIcouldgetusedtoyou. ThatstheproblemwithDamon.Hejustloomsandthengrabs,andtheresnoquestion aboutwhathewantsandwhenhewantsit. Thatsit!shecheeredherselfmentally.Youvegothimontheropeskeepsocking him! ThelastthingStefanwantedtobewastobelikeDamon. Ofcourse,hesaid,switchingoffthetoobrightlamp,andsittingdownbesideher. ThememoryofDamonsDonJuanmaneuversatthepensione,bringinginanewgirlevery night,sittingclosetoheronasoft,deeplyupholsteredcouch,andlookingdeeplyintoher eyes,whiletalkinginacatvelvetyvoiceaboutthisandthat,allslidrightoutofhismind.He waswithBonnie,littleBonnie,andhewasmakinghercomfortablebeforeshedidhimthe greatestfavorahumancoulddoavampire.

BonniewaslookingupathimwitheyeswhilenotElenasbluevioletwerea marvelouscoloralloftheirown.Pure,innocenteyes.Sheedgedalittleclosertohim,still lookingup.Sheseemedtofindsomethingfascinatingabouthisface. Stefan?shesaidsoftly.Whilewerewhileyoureyouknowthenwellbeableto talkwithourminds,wontwe? Weshould.ButIunderstandperfectlyifyoudontwantmetoreadyourmindat all. ButIdoforaspecialreason. Shewaswearingsomescentormaybeitwasjustthescentofherskin.Andthat skin!EvenmoretransparentthanElenasevenlesstanned.Stefancouldspendallnight tracingtheblue,paleanddarkeroftheveinsthatwanderedbeneathherskin.Hewas especiallymesmerizedbytheveinsinherthroatbuthealsofoundsomehowthatitstruck himtothehearttoseethebluelinesathertemples,throbbinginrhythmwithherheart.He knewhewouldneverforgetthismoment,watchingtheuttervulnerabilityanduttertrusthe wasbeingshown. Havingbeenatelepathforwell,probablyallmyeighteenyears,Bonniewassaying (andchalkingupanotherpointtoherselfforhavinggottenherageinsoneatlyand unforgettably),Ivelearnedoneortwothings.AndoneisthatImverygoodat visualizing.Iwasthinkingthatwhilewewerejoinedbysharingblood,Imightthinkofsome picturesofElena,somethingswedid,thingsthathappenedbeforeyoucamealong. Hehadntresponded.Bonniefeltanawfulplungefromherheartliterallytothesoles ofherfeet.Herpulsewassuddenlyhammering.Whatifhealreadyhadallheneededof Elena?Whatifoldmemorieswouldonlybringhimpain? Butthenshelookedathisface.Hewasgazingdownatherasifhewereaboutto kneelonthegroundbeforeher.Heliftedfingerstohislips,andsherealized,tearsrushing tohereyes,thatitwastokeephisupperlipfromtrembling. Heprobablydoesntwantmetolookathisfacejustnow,Bonniethought.She lookedatherownlapinstead,andatthefourorfivedarksplotchesteardropshadmadeon herjeans.Shesniffled. Andthenshefeltpain,acrushingpainineacharm,asStefantookholdofherarms. Youddothatforme?Youdletmereadyourmindmaybeevengoalittledeeper andwatchthepictureslikemovies?IswearIwouldntbereading your mind.Idbelooking throughyoureyesandyourearsatElena.ShestheonlythingIStefanbrokeoffand saidsomethinginItalian. Sorry? Isaid...Iwasaclod.OnlyIcantrepeatamoreexacttranslation.Bonnie,please tellmeyouknowwhatImean.Tellmeitsallright. ItsallrightIsuppose,Bonniesaidslowly. Stefanstaredather,obviouslywantingdesperatelytofixthings,notknowinghowto begintogoaboutit. Idlike,Bonniesaid,feedinghimhislines,tothinkthatyoucared something about me.AndnotjustasElenasfriend,either.AsBonnieasmyself. NoonecouldhavemistakenStefansfervor.Ido,Idocareaboutyou.Hisvoice wasmuffledagainstthetopofherhead.Youareoneofthefew,thedearestfriendsthatI have,andI love you. Notreally. Yes, really . Yourehurtingmyarms. Oh,God,Imsosorry.Shewastakingachancehere:hemighttrytorubthepain away,orhemightevenhaverunofftofindsomehomemadecurefor achesnpainsntherheumatiz.Butinsteadhetookherintohisarms,exactlyoncue,and Bonniedidtherestbyshiftingherweightsothatshewassittingonhislapinsteadofbeside him.

Stefan
Whatacuddlybunnyshewas,thislittlelassthathecouldpickupwithonehand.Andhow kind . Andwhatawitch. HeknewthatMeredithcouldnothavetoldBonniewhatitwashewanted.Damon couldntevenifDamoncouldsomehowfindout,thelastthinghewouldwantwasfor Stefantogetaheadofhimthatway,tohaveevenmoreintimatememoriesofElenathanhe did. ThatleftElena,andBonniewouldhavetoldhimifithadbeenElenasidea.Scratch that,ifBonniehad known itwasElenasidea.TherewasacoreofbrightwarmthatBonnies centerthatburnedawayanykindofblackfalsehood. Maybethatwaswhatkepthersowarm.Hereshewas,dressedinlessthanhewas, really,butradiatingheatlikeacontented,purringcat.ThatlastthoughtgaveStefanpause. Itdidntseemright,forhimtobedressedinhisTshirtwhileshewaswearingonlya camisole. Hehadbeenstartledwhenshedtakenoffhersweater.Butthenextmomenthehad seenthegestureforwhatitwas,asigntoconveyfamiliarityandtrust.Thegirlsworethem allthetimeoutsideinthesummer,itsurelycouldntbeimproperhere. Hecouldneverbesurewhetherhisnextmovewasthekindofnoblegesturelikethat oftheVictorianhostthrowingdownknifeandforkasasavageguestbeganeatingwith greasyfingers,orwhetheritwasfromfarmorehumanneeds.Hepulledbackslightlyand strippedoffhisownTshirt. Bonnielookedathimwithwet,wonderingeyes.Hesmiledalittleandsaid,It seemedIwasoverdressedwithyoujustinthecamisole.Icangetanundershirtifyoulike

butIpromiseyou,inthenameofallIholddearthatnothingelseisgoingtocomeoff. Shenoddedandshuthereyes,puttingherheadagainsthisshoulder.Thenshe reachedupandlightlyruffledhishair.Ialwayswantedtodothat,fromthefirstdayIsaw you,shesaid.Andthis,too.Shestretchedherselftallinhislapandlightly,softly kissedhimonthemouth. Ittookhimalittlebysurprise.Shewasflushed,thebloodglowinginherskin, radiatingwarmth,soakingfromherintohim. Whensheshuthereyesandtiltedherheadbackhedidntneedanyonetoprompt him.Hefoundthatthiscuddlykittenwasalsoaverykissableyoungwoman. Momentsflowedandfloated.AndthenBonniesaid,rathershortofbreath,Doit now.DontaskifImsure.Righthere,now. Andthentherewasalongtimeofpurerapture.Bonniesbloodwassweetashoney andstrawberries,andshewasntafraidorcontrollingherself,orholdinganythingback.She wasgivingthebloodheneededforlifeitselfwithoutanyconfusionordoubtoranger.She evenrememberedhowcouldsherememberanything?tothinkaboutElena,horseback riding,atabirthdayparty,glidinggracefullyuptobecomeQueenofsomeorotherschool function.More,shegavehimthekeythementalcombination,tohermastermemories aboutElena.Now,wheneverthetwoofthemagreed,shecouldentertranceandhecould rummagethroughhermemoriesofElenaasheliked. Itwasalmosttoomuch.Itwastoomuch.Itenticedhimtolingerandlinger,tolet thestrawberryhoneyliqueurhewaslapping,tippling,keeprunningdownhisthroat. Sstefan? Dearheart.Bonniedearheart, hequalified,asiftoshowthatheknewher. Stefandearheart... HowcanIeverthankyouenough?Bonnie,Illgotomydeathhappilytonight.I cannevermakeituptoyou,butIcancertifythatyourealreadyanangel. Imadeyouhappy,then. Canyouhaveanydoubt?Thisiswhatitcanbewhentwo...well,Iwontsay loversbecausewearent,notintheconventionalsense.Butthisiswhatitcanbewhen theresnofear,onlylove. AndyoudontthinkImjustalittlegirl? IfIdthought that youdneverhavegottenyoursweateroff.Youreawoman,even ifyourestillagirl.Somegirlsare.Andsomewomenoffiftyarestillgirls. Shesighedandlapsedback.Imglad,shewhispered.Andyoubesurethat Damonknowsit,too. WhatdoesDamonhavetodo hebeganandthensensedsomethingmore urgent. He feltwonderful,yes,butwhenhecalculatedhowmuchofherbloodhehad takenhenearlypanicked. Bonnie? Letsnottalkjustnow,Stefan. Bonnie,mytitianhairedangel,wehaveto.Ivedonesomethingawful.Itookfar toomuchofyourblood.Itcanmakeyouseriouslyill,andtheresonlyonethingIcando tohelpyouifyouconsiderithelp. Therewasasluggishresponse. Heshookher. Bonnie,Bonniedearest,dontgotosleep! Stefankissedheronthemouth,hard,hopingthatindignationorsomeotheremotion wouldwakeher.ButBonnieslipsweresoftandwarmandpartedunderhis. Oh,nonotnow.Hehadtowakeherup Ormaybenot. Maybeitwouldbeeasierwhileshewasstillhalfasleep.Stefanusedthefastest meansofopeningoneofhisownveinsastillrazorsharpcaninedrawnuphisforearm. BloodtrickledfromthewristandheheldittoBonnieslipswhilehereyeswereclosed. Bonnieswallowed,andthenherhandscameuplikeababysandsheheldhisarmherself, drinkingtheonlyremedyStefanknewforwhatheddone,otherthanafullscalehuman hospitalstransfusion. Bonnieswallowedagain,greedily.Stefan,intryingtocalculatehowmuchsheneeded, realizedhehadperhapspanickedunnecessarily.Hehadnttakenenoughtoreallyputherin danger.AndBonniedidntneedallthatmuch. Herblueeyesopened,thenopenedwide.Therewassurpriseinthem,butnot thankstoanygodsthatwererevulsion.Afteranothermomenthebeganthegentle struggletogethiswristback.Elenahaddescribedtohimoncewhatvampireblooddidto humansaftertheirfirstprejudicehadbeenovercome,andhewasabletounderstandwhyit wasastruggletogethisarmbackfromBonnie.Butshewasnomatchforhisstrength.He stoppedthebleedingwithathoughtandturnedbacktoher. Bonnie?Imsosorrythatwasnecessary.ItooktoomuchIthink.Impretty sure.Imalittleconfusedrightnow Dontworryaboutit, Bonnieansweredsimply,andhewasastoundedtoheartriumph inhervoice. Ifyoudid,well,thenIwin. Youwin?Winwhat? AbetImadewithmyself.SanctionedbyElenaIthink.IbetmyselfthatIcould makeyouforgetjustfortonight.Sinceitmaybethelastnight.DamontoldmeIwasa baby So I becameabetbetweenDamonandyou? No!Stefandearheart,no,no,no,never!ItoldyouitwasabetImadewith myself.IbetthatIwasawoman,andthatyouwouldtreatmelikeone. Please dontbe angry. Idontknowwhethertobeangry,or...oh,Bonniewhatyougaveme!Those memories... AndyougavemetheknowledgethatImnotababy.Plusallthefireworksthat

Elenapromised.Shesaidthatnoonewouldbeafraidiftheydneversharedbloodwitha vampirebefore.Shetoldthetruth.SoifIyoudidtaketoomuch,Iwin,andifyou didnt...well,Istillwin. Bonniehuggedherselfforpureecstasy. Buthowdidyouknow?Whatavampiredoeswhenhemiscalculates? Shocked?Girlstalk.MaybemorethanguysdoIdontknow. Idonteither.Are you shocked? Itsquiteanexperience,wakinguptofindyouredrinkingblood.ButIwashalf preparedforit.AndnowIfeellikewrestlingelephants. Hecouldnthelpbutsmile.Shewasamazing,buttellingherthat,here,now,wasnot agoodidea.

Matt
MatthadtofindhisownwayuptoStefanscrowsnestroom. Theroomwasdim,anditwashardtoseemoreofStefanthana silhouetteinprofile.Heseemedtobelookingatthedustywindow. Itwasdisconcerting,tosaytheleast,toknowthatStefancould seeperfectlyinthissemidarkness. ItwasevenmoredisconcertingwhenStefanspoke. "Ave,Matt!Morituritesalutant,"Stefansaidcheerfully. "Huh?" "S'joke.Ajoke,"Stefansaid,enunciatingmorecarefully."Latin. Hail,Matt.Wewhoareabouttodiesaluteyou.Salude!" Mattstared. "Mer'diththoughtitwsfunny." "MeredithknowsLatin?" "Yeah.Merdith"Stefanhelduponefinger.Itwashardtoknowwhetheritmeant "don'tinterrupt"or"letmetellyouafewthings,startingwith..."andMattdidn'tthinkhe couldstandstillforalongspeech.Hisheartwasalreadypounding.Damn.Stefancould probablyhearthat.Probably?Whatwouldavampirebemoreattunedtohearingthanthe musclethatpushedaroundthebloodofitsprey? Doesheknowmymouthisdry,too?AndthatIwanttorun?Probably,Matt thought,bitterly.They'vegotsensesthatmakehumanslooklikethosewormthingsthat canonlytelllightfromdark.Doesheknowwhatthatmakeshumansfeellikedoingto vampires? Vaguelyshocked,hethought,howlonghaveIwantedtopunchhiminthemouth? Justonce.Justoncetoseeafistandavampirefallingflatonhisass.Becauseofareal humanperson.Notme.Anyrealhuman. ButMattcouldfeelthetinglinginhisownfistclenchedtightly. StefanhadbeentalkingforawhileandMatt'sbrainhelpedhimcatchupbyproviding echoesofwhathe'dmissed. "Mer'dithknowsalottathings.Verysmart.Bright.Ha.That'sajoke,too.Ssee? Becauseshe'sdark.Youknow?Youdon'twannaknow.She'sdark'butcomely.' Humanss"againthatexaggeratedhissonthesibilant"havesomanyprejudishes.Back in...notlongago,youknow...yourbasicbeautifulwomanhaddabefair.Blond.All yourlingwylingwalanguagestuffshowsshow" Matt'shandunclenched.Hismindtrolledblindly. "You'redrunk!" "Ofcourssenot."Thesilhouettestraightenedandtippeditschinupaggressively. Stefanspokewiththeexaggerateddignityandprecisionofthetrulysmashed."Vampiress don'tgetdrunk.It'sjustabriefphysifizzyfizheo"Thesilhouettebeganshakingwith silentlaughter. AmazementandangergaveMattalltheexcusesheneededtodowhathewas alreadydoing.HegrabbedStefan'sdimarmandshookhim,thenbouncedhimoffthe dimmerwall. "What'swrongwithyou?Areyoucrazy?You'resupposedtobefightingthefightof yourlife" "Stopit." "Howdidyoueven?" "Stopit." "Whatkindof" "Matt.Stopit." Therewassomethinginthevoicethatspokedirectlytothehumanbrainstem,likea darkshadowoverheadtellingababychicktofreeze. Vaguely,Mattlookeddownathishands.HehadStefanbytheshirtandupperarm andhe'dbeenbanginghimagainstthewall.HisrighthandwasgrippingStefan'sbicep.It practicallywentallthewayaroundit.Vampiremuscleswereflatandlean,theirstrengthwas oftheslightandwirysort.Itgavetheillusionalmostofdelicacy,sometimes,butnowthat Stefanhaddecidednottobebouncedagainstawallanymore,hewasasstillasamarble statueandMattknewthatahumanwouldhaveaboutasmuchlucktryingtomovehim. Hazily,hemadehisfistsunclenchanddroppedhisarms.Hisbrainwastryingto processtoomanythingsatonce,butonthetoplevelwasshamethatmadehisfaceburn. Thatwaspanic,hethought.IjustattackedavampirebecauseIwasscared.And whileanotherpartofhismindsaid, "A vampire?Your friend ,"abiggerpartwasasking,"Am Ideadnow?" "It'saphysiologicalreaction."Stefanwasmakinganeffort,buthestilldidn'tsound quiteright."Ithitsrightafterfeeding,anditgoesaway,buttheenergystays." Mattstaredatthefloor.Hiseyeswereadjustingalittle. "Ithappensmoreoftenwhendifferenttypesofbloodaremixed.Everyhumanhasa

differentkindoflifeenergy.Sometimesvampiresdoitdeliberatelyjustforthebuzz." "Yeah?Oh.Humansdothatwithalcohol." "Yeah." He'stryingtonotembarrassme.Matt'steethwereclenched.Hestillcouldn'tlook upfromthefloor. "ButIprobablyshouldhavewarnedyouaboutit.Iwasn'tthinking.Andit's been...alongtimesince..." Mattlookedup,andthendownagain.AlongtimesinceElenabasically,inother words.Stefansoundednormalnow.NormalforStefan,anyway,especiallythesedayswhen everysentenceechoedasifitwerecomingfrommilesaway,fromsomewherewhereStefan wasaloneinawhiteroomwithnothingbuthismemories. Andhewaspracticallygigglingbefore.HowmanytimeshaveIeverheardhim laugh?Inmywholelife? "Matt."Stefanjustsoundedtirednow."Itoldyoubefore.Thisisn'tagoodidea." "Iremember."Mattmadeaneffort."Yeah?It'snotjustyourfight,youknow.It's everybody's." "Idoactuallyrealizethat."TheedgetoStefan'svoicewasalittlepromising."I'm breaking...apromise,youknow,bytakinghumanbloodatall.Itwasn'tmyidea.Andthe girlsarebothstrong." Matt'sheadjerkedup."What?" "Meredithhasastrongpersonality,averystronglifeenergy.AndBonnie'spsychic abilitiesgiveher" "No.Iknowthat.Butyou'resayingwhat?" "I'msayingit'senough.Asyoupointedout,I'malready...affected." "You'retellingmetofuckoff?" "Don'ttrytomakemeangry,Matt.I'mtired" "Thatprovesyou're not strongenough" "Iamtiredofdealingwithhuman emotions ,"Stefansaidraggedly."I'vegotenough ofmyowntodealwith,especiallyhere.Inthistown.Withherfriends."Heturnedaway, leaningagainstthewallandaddedalmostinaudibly."I'mtiredofhavingpeoplewonderifI'm goingtoriptheirthroatsout." Her friends.People.NomentionofthefactthatElena'sfriendshadoncebeenhis friends,thatheandMatthadbeenfriends.Thatoncehe'daskedfavorsofMatt,thingsthat didn'tmakeanysenseatthetime,like"Canyoudrivemetofindthisparticularkindof flower?"ThatMatthadriskedhisownlifetohelpStefanwheneveryoneelsethoughthewas amonster. AndStefanwasstilltryingtobekindMattcouldhearit.Thewayyou'rekindtoa kid. "Ididn'tknow,"Stefanwenton,evenmoreindistinctly,"howmuchyouhatedme." Oh hell ,oh hell ,oh hell ."Sonowyou'rereadingminds?" "That'swhathumanblooddoesbut,no,infact.EvenbeforeyouhitmeallIwas readingwasyourbodylanguage." Ihityou?Mattsqueezedhiseyesshuthard.Itdidn'tdoanygoodhecouldfeel wetnessonhiseyelids." I'm sorry ." Silence. "I'msorry,allright?Iwas scared .Youusedtounderstand'scared.'" Beforeyou losteverything . Withasoundlikelettingoutbreath,Stefanturned.Therewasanothermomentor two,asifhewerethinkingorlistening."Istillunderstandit,Matt.Istillremember everythingthathappenedhere.Thankyou." Matthadturnedawaysohecouldrubathiseyesangrilynotthatitmadeany differencewhichwayheturned,probably."Canyouunderstandhowhumansfeelaround youpeople?Isthereanythingyoucan'tdo?Isthere anything we'rebetterat?" "We'renotpeople." Mattopenedhismouth,shutitagain.Alittlewhileagowewereallreadytofightthe monsterthat'skillingthegirlsIwenttoschoolwith.CouldIhavescrewedthisupanyworse ifIdplannedit? HepluckedathisTshirtwearily."Canwejust...getthisoverwith?" "Itoldyou,itwasenough." "IfyouthinkI'mgonnalet Bonnie dosomethingandthenrunawayfromit...think again." "Bonniewasn'tasscared."BeforeMattcouldunfreezelongenoughtoreallyhithim, Stefanadded,"AndIdon'tcareasmuchaboutwhatBonniethinksofme.Bonniewas Elena'sfriend." "Justsuckupmyblood,allright?" "Idon'twanttohurtyou." "Damn!"Mattwavedahand,hisbrainstalling.He knew Stefanknewhowmany timeshe'dbeeninjuredthatwaspartofthegame."DoIhavetotellyouabouthowI brokemyarmwhenIwasfiveandnobodyknewforaboutaweekbecause" "Youreallydon'tunderstand,doyou?Atleast,notconsciously.Takingsomebody's bloodwhenthey'reresisting hurts .Morethananythingyoucanthinkof." "I'mnotresisting." "Youwillbe." "Justquitwiththemindreadingorthepsychoanalysisorwhatever.Thiscould've beenoverbynow." Matt'seyeshadadjustedenoughbynowthathecouldmakeoutsomefeaturesin thedimfigurethatfacedhim.HecouldseeStefan'smouthtwistgrimlyaswellashearthe littlesoundofexasperation. "Fine.Youdon'thavetotakethatoff.There'saveininthewristthatworksjust as well."

MeredithandBonniehadbothbeenholdingahandtothesideoftheirnecksBonnie atrifleabsently.Mattlookedathisdimarms. "Ifthere'sanykindoffightingtonightI'mgoingtoneedthese." "Fine.Sit." Mattlookedatthebed,thenthechair."Ihavetosit?" "No.Youcanfallifyouwant.Yourchoice." "Youreallyareabastard,youknow?You're trying toscareme." "Yes,"Stefansaid,withaterrifyinglackofexpression.Heleanedin."Iamtryingto scareyoubecauseIwouldratherscareyouthanhurtyou." "Idon'tcareifyouhurtme!"Thiswascrazy.Mattsatonthebed,tippedhischin back,andshuthiseyeslikesomeoneawaitinglethalinjection.Hemadehismindasblankas possible. ItseemedalongtimebeforeStefansaid,inthatsameclipped,expressionlessvoice, "Fine.Yourfuneral." "Youknowsomething?Fromavampire,thatisn'tfunny." "Iwasn'ttryingtobefunny." Mattfelthimsitonthebed.Andthencoolfingertipsweregrippinghisjaw,adjusting theangleofhisheadwiththeprecisionandunemotionalprofessionalismofasurgeon. Blank,blank,blank,hethought.Hishandswereclenchedintofistsbyhissides. HowdidBonnieandMeredithdothis?Howdoyouholdstillandwaitforthesnaketo bite?Bonnie'sfrightenedofthunderstormsshecriesifshecutsherfinger.Howcouldthey possiblyhavebeenbetter,stronger,morecourageousaboutthis? God,you'redumb,somethinginhisbraininformedhim,andthenturneditsbackon himandrefusedtosayanythingelse. Thepainwasn'tnearlyasbadashe'dbeenimagining.Vampirecaninesweresharp. And,afterall,Stefanknewwhathewasdoinghedidthisallthetime. Damn,that's it ?Igotmyselfallworkedupover that? ThelasttimeIhadbloodwork ithurtwaymorethanthatthatidiotdoctorcouldn'teven find avein.Nowonder... Hefeltcoolwarmthonthesideofhisneckandtheworldexplodedinagony.He couldn'tbreathe.Hissoulwasbeingrippedoutofhisbodywhileitwasstillalive. Itstopped. Matt'smindcaughtupwiththefactthathewasn'tdyinganymoreafewminutes later.Hewasdoubledover,armswrappedaroundhimself,tryingnottosob. "I...toldyou,"Stefan'svoicesaid.Stefan'svoicewasshakingwithangerhecould feelStefanshakingwithanger,andstrainandsomethingelse.Grief,maybe.Selfhatred. ButStefan'shandwasstilllockedinMatt'shair. "I'lltellyou...somethingelse,"Stefansaid,andMattcouldhearthediamondbright edgeoffurytwistedbackonitselfinhisvoice.Stefanleaneddowntospeakdirectlyinto Matt'sear,softlyandwithavenomMatthadneverheardbefore."It's...not good tooffer yourbloodtoavampireandthenexpecttobackout.Wearenot...nicecreatures.We getacertaindesiretoripyourarmsandlegsoffand" Hestopped.Mattfeltthefingersinhishairunclenchandletgo.Stefanstood. Stefanwaswalkingaway. "Wait."Itwasonlyonesyllable,butMattimpressedhimselfbygettingitout. "I'mleavingnow,"Stefansaiddistantly.Itwasstillavoicedesignedtoraisethefine hairsonthebackofahumanneck. " Wait ."Mattscrubbedhischeekswithashrugofbothshoulders.Itdidn'thurtto dothat.Thewoundinhisneckwasbarelytrickling. Iwasright.It'snotthesnakething,theneedlething. "Listentome,youhuman ,"Stefansaid.Itwasasifhecouldn'tfindastronger expletive.Hecamebackandleaneddown,deliberatelyputtingonehandonthebedon eithersideofMatt,invadingMatt'spersonalspace.Mattcouldn'tlookupwithoutlooking directlyintothatshadowedface."Youhavepushedme...farenough.Ifyoupushmeany farther..." "Iknow!I'mdumb,allright,butIfigureditout.Ididn'tunderstand."Heshookoff whatwasgoingtobeStefanpointingoutthathehadtoldhimandtoldhim."Ididn'tgetit. Idonow.Icandobetterthanthat." "Youare really pushingit,Matt.Takemyadvice,willyou?Ifyouareunluckyenough torunintoanothervampire,donotusethistactic.Ever." "Tryitagain." "Howcanyoubesostubborn?Isitreallyworthittoprovethatyou'rebraverthan Bonnie?" "IknowwhatIwasdoingwrong." "You'renotgoingtolikeitanybetterifyoudoitright." "Juststop talking ." Stefanwhirledandsatdownheavily.Hesoundeddazed."Igiveup.Somepeople havetolearnthehardway." Mattstraightenedup,handsopenonhisknees,andtiltedhishead.Hefeltagainthe precise,unemotionalfingersonhisjaw,buttheyweren'tascoolasbefore. Andhecouldfeelthealmostimperceptibleshaking. Matt'sthoughts,already,confusedandinconflict,werenowjumpingfromideato idealikeafroginaredhotfryingpan. Iwasright.IknewIhurthim.Morethanithurtme,maybe.AndIdon'tknowany waytomakehimunderstandabouthumans...whydoesn'thealreadyknowthat?Ibet Damonknowsit.No,I'mstupid.Humanbloodhedoesn'tdrinkhumanblood.Andmaybe avampirewouldn'tgetitanyway.Tothemit'sfeeding,it'seating.Howaretheysupposed tounderstandthestuffitgetsmixedupwithinahumanbrain?Orthatit'sdifferentwitha guythanagirl,thatthewholethingsetsoffsomekindofpanicimpulsewithguys?Here he'stryingtosaveBonnieandMeredithandeverybody,whenI'mcompletelyuseless,and

theonlywayIcanhelphimistomakehimstrongersohehasachance.Notevenachance ofliving,butachanceofstoppingthatmonster.AndwhatdoIdo?Ihithim.AllIneeded todowasrelaxandnothatehim,butIcouldn'tevendothat.Thegirlscoulddothat,but notme. Heopenedhiseyes.Hadhemissedit?No,Stefanwasjustsittingthere. "What now? ItoldyouIwassorry.YoustillthinkI'mgonnabackoutandmakeyou ripmyarmsoff?" Stefanletgo."No,but..." "Itoldyou,Igetit.Comeonit'sgettinglate."Hecouldhearthedifferenceinhis ownvoicehewasstillembarrassed,buthewastalkingtoafriend,notademon. Stefanwasshakinghishead."Humans..." "Willyoujust" Thistime,whenhefeltthedoubleneedlesting,hepushedawaythoughtsofsnakes andscorpions.Hethoughtaboutthefirsttimehe'dseenStefan,standinguptooldTanner todefendBonnie.Hethoughtaboutthealwaysshadowed,alwayslostlookinStefan'seyes backwhenMatthadinvitedhimtojoinateamofhumans,andthedoubtandconfusion turningslowlyintobeliefthere.Stefanhadwantedtojointhehumanrace,buthehadn't expectedanybodytowelcomehimintoit.Matthadbeenthefirstonetodothat. HekeptthinkingthesamewaywhenhefeltStefan'smouthonhisneck,drawingout hisblood.HetriednottothinkofElenabecausethatwassomethingthathurtuniquelyhis ownpainwasbadenough,butseeingStefan'seyesafterward...God,nobodyshouldbe hurtlikethat.Mattdidn'twanttoimaginewhatittooktomakesomebody'seyeslooklike that.Backinthedayswhentheytorturedpeople,maybe,therewerelotsofeyes,onthe rack,ontheWheelno,don'tthinkaboutthat.Buttoseethatinsomebodyyoucared about...andnottobeabletodoanything... Heheardhisownbreathbreak.Whatwas...Thiswasn't... Hewasbreathingasifhe'dbeenrunninghard.Hecouldfeelhisheart,too,butit wasn'tfromthefearthathadmadehimsoangrywhenhe'dwalkedinhere. Wait... Youwon'tlikeitanybetterifyoudoitright . Theworldexplodeddifferently. Therewasstillpain,sharperpaininaway,butitwasmixedwithanevensharper feeling,thatwastotallyunfamiliar.Stefanwassuckinghisbloodouthard,andholdinghim inplace,too,orMattmighthavefallenrightoffthebed.Hewaspiercedtothesoul.But somehowthatwaswhathewanted,andallhecouldthinkwasthathewantedtogivemore eventhanhewasgiving.Hedidntwanttostopgivingandhewasaware,vaguely,ofthe feelingofnotbeingabletobreathe.Heknewhewasflying,andthensoaring,andthen everythingwentstill,andhewrithedlikeavictimonasacrificialaltar,piercedbyathousand littlevampireteeth.Andthenasinglerayoflightpiercedhimbodyandsoul,andhewas givingeverythinghecould,everythinghewas,pouringhimselfinagreedyfrenzyintothe darknessofthevampire.Andthendarknesstookhisvision.

Stefan
Stefanwaswaitingforthebacklash. Heknewitwouldcome.Matthadbeeninnowayreadyforthis,and,despitehis assurances,wouldn'tbeabletodistinguishitfromsexualactivity.AndStefanhadinnoway plannedtotapMatt'sveins.Evenintheend,whenMatthadprovedsostubbornthat Stefan'svampireangerhadbeenprovokedtoteachhimalesson,hehadn'texpectedMatt tolastbeyondthefirststirringsofpleasure. ButMattwas...stubborn.Andaborngiver,andallhe'dbeenthinkingaboutwhen Stefanhadpiercedhimwasgiving.AndaboutStefan. AndI'm...notmyself,Stefan,thought,lickinghislipsandprobingforcopper sweetnessaroundhiscanineteeth.It'sbeensolong,andIwassocarefulwiththegirls... Throughthemindlinkthatsharingbloodalwaysenhanced,hehadbeensweptback throughMatt'svisionsoftheolddays,Matt'sperceptionofhim.Andthat...hadbeena mistake.Thedeep,illogicalfondnessMatthadforhim,thethecaring,hadbeensomething thatStefanhadneededmorethanherealizedit.He'dbeenshakenbyhowmuch... Can'tsayit?Toowrappedupinhumanprejudice?Orisitjustthelingeringcedar saltyedgeoftestosteroneyou'vedrunk?Hismindwasachorusofmockery. Itmadehimangryinturn,andangriertorealizethathe'ddrunkmoreofthat testosteronelacedbloodthanhe'devermeantto,evenwhenbaskinginthesunlightof Matt'sfeelingsforhim. Icansayit,hetoldthevoicescoldly.Helovedmeonce.Ihadafriend.And now...I'vemademyfriendhateme.Whenhewakesup,he'sgoingtodespiseme,and himself,anditisn'tgoingtomatterabitthathe'sgotallhisclotheson,andnotevena mortalstainexceptonhisneck.He'sgoingtoloatheme...andhimself... Thathurt,alot.Stefanfumbledforhissunglasses,eventhoughtheeveninglight wasnothreattohisnowhypersensitiveeyes.Theroomwasalmostdark,buthecould hearMatt'sbreathingperfectly,changingfromtheslowregularityofsleeptothelighter, quicker,soundsofasleeperabouttowaken.Hecouldturnonthelight,leaveMattaloneto recover,toreacttothis.Maybethatwouldbekinder. Andcertainlyalotmoreconvenient.Youreallyareacoward,aren'tyou?hismind scoffed.SometimeshissubconscioussoundedalotlikeDamon. Healreadyhadhisstrategyinline.Sit,don'tstand,butatleastacoupleofbody lengthsaway.Outofpunchingdistance,notbecauseMattcouldhurthim,butbecausethe automaticlungethatMattwasgoingtomakeassoonashewokewouldhurtMatt.Hemight evenpassout,fromrisingtooquicklyandfromlackofblood,Stefan'smindaddedguiltily. Hehatedtoadmitit,buthe'dtakenthatmuch.Andevenifhe'dthoughtMattwouldbe

interestedintheslightestintheonlypanaceatotakesomeofStefan'sbloodinreturn,as Bonniesocalmlyhadwell,MatthadbeenunconsciousbythetimeithadoccurredtoStefan hadtoofferit. Somefriendyouare. Shutup.He'dprobablyhavebeensickalloverbothofus. Hisstrategyincludedhisexpression.Cool,clinical,inkeepingwiththedoctorimages thatMatt'sownmindhadgenerated.Authoritative.Hewasplanningtousemindcontrol anyway,tokeepMattonthebedlongenoughtolisten,hemightaswellimplantasdeeplyas hecouldtheideasthathewastheauthorityhere. Hehadhislitanydown,too.Hedidn'twanttoimaginetherage,andbrightsickness inMatt'seyesthathe'dhavetobefacing,butheknewwhathewasgoingtosay,andhow hewasgoingtosayit. Itoldyousowasbothcruelandnecessary. Butthen: "Youdon'twanttotalkaboutit?"Mattwouldn'twanttotalkaboutit."Youdon't haveto.Butsomewhere,underneath,you'rewonderingwhatitallmeans."AndifMatttried toargue,"Ifyou'renotwonderingnow,thenyouwillbe.Iwasinyourminddeepenough tobesureofthat." Thatwouldshuthimup,allright. "Whatitmeans,then.Whatitmeansisthatyoucannevertellwhat'sgoingto happenwithhumansandvampires,especiallyiftheyhaveanykindofemotionalconnection. LikeourconnectionwithElena." Andthat,heconsidered,wastrulyamasterstroke.Becauseitwastrue.Theonly problemwaswhetherhecouldgetitoutwithoutchokingoverElenasname. "Whatitdoesn'tmeanmaybemoreimportanttoyou."Itwouldbe,sinceMattwould befinishedwithhimbythen. "Itdoesn'tmeanyou'regay."Thatwastrueenough.Sofar,asfarashecouldtell, Matt'ssexualresponsehadbeenconfinedsolelytofemales.Hehadn'tfoundanyofthe conflictinMatt'smindthatthetortured,lonelyhomosexualteenageralwayshad.Theneed toconformtothenormsofahumansocietythatchangeditsnormseverytimeavampire looked,andovereverynationalborderavampirecrossed. "Itdoesn'tmeanthatanythinglikethiswilleverhappenagain."Hewasprettysureof that.Matt'sownreactionwouldensureit,andunlesshefellintothegraspofatrulytwisted vampire,Matt'sonlyissuewouldbehowtoforget. "You'veprobablyheardtheclichthatmostboysgothroughsomekindofa homoeroticphaseduringadolescence.You'reolderthantheyusuallyare,whichisjustmore proofthatthisisn'tnormalforyou."Andallthatwastrue,too. "And,finally,ifitwasanybody'sfault,itwasmine.Iknewwhatmighthappen,even thoughIthoughtyourhatredofme"would Mattbehatinghimbythen"mightpreventit. AndIstillwentahead." BecauseIdidn'tthinkyouwould,alonelylittlevoiceinsideStefanwenton.BecauseI didn'tknowIneededitsobadly. Butthatwastheendofhislitany,andheknewthatMattwouldn'tevenwanttohear thatmuch. I'vemadeafriendhateme,Stefanthoughtagain,evenasthechorusmockedhimfor wallowinginselfpity.Heshutitupbysummoningallthecoldnesshecouldmuster,which surprisedhim.Itwas,infact,prettydamnicycold. I'vemadeafriendhatemeandIdon'tcare,hethought,andhecouldpracticallyfeel theblizzardblowingaroundthethought.I'mgoingusewhatmadehimhatemetosavehis life.

Matt
"Hnuh?"Mattcameawakewithasortofhalfsnort,halfquestion.Itwasdark.He waslyingflatonahardbed,withsomekindoflukewarmclothonhisforehead. "Wha?"Thatwasabetterquestion.Andthenmemorycameback,notallatonce, butinpuzzlepieces,andfuzzyones. "There'saCokeonthefloorbesideyou.Youmightwanttodrinkitforthesugar. Butit'sbestnottositupyet." ThatwasStefan.AsforhowyoudrankaCokewithoutsitting up,hedidn'twantto trytodealwithtryingtoexplaintoavampire.Thenhefoundouttwomorethings.There wassomething,ajacket,proppinghisheadup,andtheCokehadastraw.Hishandswerea littleshaky,andalittledamp. "Youvegotyourownrefrigerator,"hesaid,morebecauseinthedarknessandsilence hefeltsomebodyhadtosaysomething,thanoutofanysurprise.Hewasstilltryingtofit puzzlepiecestogether. "Ihavesomejuice,too.It'sbetterforyou,really.ItookmorebloodthanImeantto andit'llhelpyourecover." Blood...yeah.That'swhathewasdoinghere.Beingadonor.BecauseStefanhad tofightamonster...anddumbStefanwasplanningtodoitwithoutanypreparation.So they'dalloffered... "Where'rethegirls?" "MeredithtookBonniedowntothecar.Shewasprettysleepy." Sleepy.Avampiredrinkingyourbloodmadeyousleepy.Yeah.Anditmadethe vampire... "Hey,you'renotdrunkanymore." Therewasapause,asifStefanwaswaitingforsomethingmore,oruncertainabout something.ThenStefansaid,"No.Itoldyouitburnsoffprettyquickly." "Yeah."DespitetheCoke,hewasstillfeelingmuddled.Thedarknessandsilence

whentheyweren'ttalkingdidn'thelp.MaybeStefandidn'trememberthathumansneeded light.DumbStefan,hethought,vaguelybutaffectionately. "Why'reyou...allthewayoverthere?"Hesquintedintheapproximatedirectionof thevoice. "Because..."Stefansuddenlysoundedmuchlesscool,whichmadeMattrealize howcoolStefanhadbeensoundinginthefirstplace.Hecouldhear,senseStefancominga littlecloser. "Matt,howmuchdoyouactuallyrememberaboutwhathappened?"Nowhe soundedtorn.Sortofsharp,butpuzzled. "Um."Matttriedtothink,turningthepuzzlepiecesaroundandaround."Youmean abouthowstupidIwasinthebeginning?" "No.Imeanaboutwhat happened ." "Iremember...itdidn'thurtasmuchasIthought.NotwhenIfiguredouthowto doit."Cautiously,Mattsatup,feelingthepieceofdampclothfallawayfromhisforehead. Hewasalittledizzy,butnotsick.Hecouldrememberthepainand... Suddenly,hewassharplyawareofthe and . "Jeez." Nowonderhishandswereshaky.His gut wasshaky. "Stefan?" "Yes." "We...we...didn't..." "No."Stefansoundedmuchmorelikehimself. Oh.Okay. Okay ?Thatsall? Mattfeltdefensive.Well,whatdoyouwantmetosay?Thanksalotfordrinkingmy blood?Hemadeaneffort.IappreciatetheCoke. Stefandroppedhisfaceintohishands.Ithoughtyouwouldhateme. Becauseof...butyouwarnedme,didntyou?Ifigureditwasprobablylikethat. Likelikesymbiosisorwhateveritis.Inbiology,wheretheplantmakesnectarsothebee getspollenonitandtakesittothenextplant.Right?

Stefan
Wellwell...notexactly.Vampiresandhumansarentnaturalsymbiants.They haventevolvedtogetherandalltoooftenthehumanendsupHerealizedheshouldshut up.TellingMattthathumansusuallyendedupdeadorasvampirestoowasjustthe oppositeofagoodstrategy. Oh,Mattsaidagain.Stefanwastoodrenchedinrelieftofindanyfaultwiththe conversation.HewasgraduallyrealizingthatMattdidnthavethefearsforhismasculinity thatmadeovercompensationnecessary.Mattknewhewasmaleandstraightthewayhe knewhewashumanandanomnivorethatatecertainfoodsanddidnteatothers.Hecould forcehimselftotakeabiteofgrass,oreven,ifthecircumstancesweredrasticenoughand survivalwasatstake,abiteofhumanflesh.Buthewouldntworryafterwardabout becomingahorseoracannibalforlife. Besides,Mattwasagiver.JustasElenahadbeen.Somethinginsidethem compelledthemtogetinvolvedinanysituation,totrytomakeitbetter. WhatMeredithhadseeninthenakedlightoflogic,andcompelledherselftoaccept,what Bonniehadbeenabletofollowasanadventure,Mattsawasanactoffriendship,andan obligationbetweenfriends.Elenahadalwaysfulfilledherobligations,eventotheundead. Stefanwasnothuman,butinhumanornot,hewasMattsfriend. Mattwastalkingagain.Look,Mattsaid.Youdidntwanttodothistonight.We madeyou.Andmaybetherewassomething...somewherethatmadeus. Involuntarily,Stefanglancedup.Yes,hedhadthestrongfeelingofherpresence heretonight,too.Elena.Stillschemingfromthespiritworld.Elenacouldnthelphimany longerwithherblood,butthatwouldntmattertoher.Shehadthreehumansthatshe couldstillinfluence,andthatwasfine.ItwouldntmattertoherthatMeredithgotabitofa shockorthatBonniemightbeplayingwithfire,orevenwell,shewouldnthavedone anythingtodestroyhisfriendshipwithMatt,buthehadntknownthatbefore. Mattwasgoingon.Buteventhoughwedidforceyou,youdideverythingyoucould foreachoneofus:threedifferentpersonalities.No,donttrytofigureoutifMeredithor Bonnietalked.Icouldtell.AndMeredithisgoingtobeatoughoneforawhile,isntshe? Thereweresomethingsgentlemendidnttalkabout.But...Meredithistough, Stefansaid.ShellfigurethingsoutforherselfandthenIlldowhatevershewants. Assuming,headdeddryly,Isurvivepasttonight. Whatdoyouthinkaboutyourchancesnow?Ourchances,Imean. Stefanshookhishead,bothtoconveyhisopinionabouthischances,andhisopinion aboutMattgettinginvolved.Buthetriedtothinkaboutthequestion.Mattdeservedthat. Idontknow,butalotbetterthanbefore,headmittedslowly. SoifElenadidinfluencethings,itmightreallymakeadifference. Ithadbetter,Stefanthought,rememberingMeredithandthenakedfearinhereyes inMeredithseyes! Well,there,Mattwassaying.IfElenaisbehinditall,thenitsanotherofherlittle victories.Everybodydidthebesttheycould.Youhadtotrytofityourselftoeachperson, andwehadtofaceourfears Hepausedandtheyspokeinunison.exceptmaybeBonnie. Mattsnorted.Stefancouldsensehimlookingathim. Idontwant...toloseafriend.Mybestfriend,Iguessyoucouldsay,even thoughIdontseemuchofhim,Mattsaidfinally. Nowthattookcourage,Stefanthought.Overcomingthestereotypesoftheculture youwereborninto,tryingnottobedefensive,ortorunaway.

Idbeproudtohaveabestfriendlikeyou,hesaid,andMattsmiled,thenducked hisheadandstartedfussingwithhisshoe,histoleranceformushytypestuffundoubtedly exceeded. Eachofthemhaddonetheirbest.Mattwasstillhisfriend.ForMeredith,maybethe daywouldcomewhenshecouldlookathimandnotthinkinhumanoratleastnotthinkit immediatelyandconstantly.MaybeBonnie,themoth,wouldbeabletostayawayfromthe unholyflame.Now,therewassomethingtoworryabout.HecouldalltooeasilyseeBonnie takingawalkontheverywildsidewithDamon.Hisbrotherhadasoftspotforheralready, sheknew.Butifeitherofthemhadaproblem,healreadyknewwhathehadtodotofinda planforasolution. Justlookup.

Theend.