Drinking water for the world

by Kelly Nichols
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vague
all?
solid thesis
conventional
to intro
source
(Anthony,
here) in first
sentence that
uses him/her.
Kelly, this P
needs better,
more obvious
links between
these
informative
sentences and
their source
(Anthony). For
example, you
could say "One
of the most
popular water
delivery
systems in this
study is the
piped . . ."
vague again--search and replace most of your "issues" with
more specific words.
surface? water from where?
in pipes?
or?
local
?
link to source
much better attributions in this P
to support this claim, you'll need
similar cost data
water? specify
this is oversimplified: some funds go for food, shelter,
etc.
again, comparative cost data would
support your claim
why intimate?
QM
FINAL GRADE
0/100
Drinking water for the world
GRADEMARK REPORT
GENERAL COMMENTS
Instructor
Kelly,
this is a great start. I think you're overreliant on
Pritchard's device, though. Are there lots of different
filtration systems (like the "ceramic" one in Landers?)?
Can you mention them? Then just use Pritchard as an
example in 1-2 Ps.
Also, you need to revise your paragraphs so all
sentences with information that's not "common
knowledge" link back to or cite a source in a clear,
obvious way. Otherwise, your reader isn't sure where
you've gotten the info. Be sure to change this in your
portfolio, or you'll receive a zero--which would be
devastating!
When you've corrected these citations, you can earn up
to 70 points on this paper. (Just turn it in revised in your
portfolio).
PAGE 1
Text Comment. vague
Text Comment. all?
Text Comment. solid thesis
Text Comment. conventional to intro source (Anthony, here) in first sentence that uses him/her.
PAGE 2
||
Problem in Parallel Form:
Coordinate ideas should be expressed in parallel form. All expressions that are similar in content and
function should be expressed similarly.
Text Comment. Kelly, this P needs better, more obvious links between these informative
QM
QM
QM
sentences and their source (Anthony). For example, you could say "One of the most popular water
delivery systems in this study is the piped . . ."
Text Comment. vague again--search and replace most of your "issues" with more specific
words.
Text Comment. surface? water from where?
||
Problem in Parallel Form:
Coordinate ideas should be expressed in parallel form. All expressions that are similar in content and
function should be expressed similarly.
Text Comment. in pipes?
S/V Agreement
Subject-verb agreement:
Subjects and verbs should match in number and person. Singular subjects require singular verbs;
plural subjects require plural verbs.
PAGE 3
Text Comment. or?
Text Comment. local?
Logic
Your logic here and elsewhere is either flawed or hard to follow.
Text Comment. link to source
PAGE 4
Text Comment. much better attributions in this P
Text Comment. to support this claim, you'll need similar cost data
PAGE 5
Text Comment. water? specify
Text Comment. this is oversimplified: some funds go for food, shelter, etc.
Text Comment. again, comparative cost data would support your claim
Text Comment. why intimate?
PAGE 6
RUBRIC: 301 ARG ESSAY RUBRIC
RHETORIC
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
SOURCES
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
BALANC ARG
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING

Proficient
Write for a specific audience and purpose.
Audience's needs are often not recognized: terms and ideas need explanation and language
needs adjustment for the audience. Purpose isn't clear or achieved.
Shows some attention to audience's needs, sometimes defining necessary terms and ideas
and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose may be unclear at times, and it may not
be achieved convincingly.
Usually shows attention to audience's needs, defining necessary terms and ideas and using
audience-appropriate language. Purpose may be implied, but it's clear and achieved.
Shows sophisticated attention to audience's needs, defining necessary terms and ideas and
using audience-appropriate language. Purpose is clear and achieved with style.
Absent or
Below Basic
Find, evaluate, select, synthesize, organize, ethically cite, and present information from a variety of sources
appropriate to their disciplines.
Omits or uses incorrectly MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and
works cited list. Drops quotations and ideas into text without introducing source. Frequently
uses irrelevant or unpersuasive sources.
A few errors in MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and works cited
list. Often includes sources without introduction in cases when introduction is necessary.
Sometimes uses irrelevant or unpersuasive sources.
Correctly uses MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and works cited
list. Usually introduces each source fully (as necessary)reader knows who did the
research or communicating, for whom, and why. Use of sources is usually relevant and
persuasive.
Correctly uses MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and works cited
list. Introduces each source fully (as necessary)reader knows who did the research or
communicating, for whom, and why. Use of sources is always relevant and persuasive.
Proficient
Compare, contrast, and synthesize carefully and objectively the relative merits of alternative or opposing
arguments, assumptions, and cultural values.
Fails to consider the relative merits of alternative or opposing arguments, assumptions, and
cultural values.
Attempts to compare, contrast, and synthesize the relative merits of alternative or opposing
arguments, assumptions, and cultural values, but may lack objectivity or thoroughness in
the comparison.
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
ORGANIZATION
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
PERSUASION
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
LANGUAGE
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
Compares, contrasts, and synthesizes the relative merits of alternative or opposing
arguments, assumptions, and cultural values.
Compares, contrasts, and synthesizes carefully, objectively, and insightfully the relative
merits of alternative or opposing arguments, assumptions, and cultural values.
Proficient
Organize ones thoughts to address a rhetorical situation.
Organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, transitions) may be absent, unrelated to the
prompt, or illogically connected. Ps are usually not unified or organized.
Organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, transitions) fit the prompt, but may be
vague, too broad, or inconsistenly or illogically linked. Ps may not be unified.
Clear, specific organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, transitions) fit the prompt
and tie ideas together adequately.
Clear, specific organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, transitions) fit the prompt
and tie ideas together logically and seamlessly.
Proficient
Communicate ones thoughts clearly and persuasively to address a rhetorical situation.
Inadequate, inappropriate, or irrelevant reasoning and evidence.
Over uses or under-analyzes evidence. May omit reasoning or include logical errors. May
include some irrelevant or unpersuasive evidence.
Usually supports the thesis and paragraph claims with credible, relevant, thorough, logical
reasoning and analyzed evidence.
Supports the thesis and paragraph claims with relevant, thorough, logical, and insightful
reasoning and analyzed evidence.
Proficient
Recognize, evaluate, and employ the features and contexts of language that express and influence meaning and
that demonstrate sensitivity to gender and cultural differences.
Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede readability.
Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede readability or otherwise distract from
meaning.
Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors are few and do not distract from meaning.
Outstanding control of language, including effective diction and sentence variety.
DESIGN
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
Proficient
Recognize, evaluate, and employ the features and contexts of design that express and influence meaning and that
demonstrate sensitivity to gender and cultural differences.
Tone and/or design usually suggest/s an absence of awareness of audience and/or generic
conventions.
Tone and/or design are/is sometimes inappropriate or unconventional.
Appropriate tone and design conform to assigned audience and genre.
Sophisticated tone and design engage reader and conform to assigned audience and genre.