TeachingIdentity:WhoAmI?

Whenreflectingonmyidentityasateacher,NicolePolizzimadeacommentthat
reallystuckwithme,It'shardforpeopletoseeyouoneway,butyou'rereallytheotherway,
soit'skindoflike,'WhoamI,whoareyou?'Sometimes,Iconfuseevenmyself.Ifindthis
quotefascinatingbecauseIbelieveitmodelstheoutlineofmylife.Thelast26yearshave
beendefinedbymanypeaksandvalleys,atwhichhavebroughtmetowhereIamtoday.
Igrewupinafamilyoriented,smalltowninMichigan.Iwasraisedina
singleparenthouseholdbeginningattheageof4yearsoldaftermyparentsgotdivorced.
Attheageof6yearsoldmysisterandIbegansplittingdaysbetweenmymothershouse
andmycousinshouse,wheremyfatherwasliving.AllthroughoutelementaryschoolIwas
nothingbuttrouble.IstruggledtounderstandthesingleparentidentitybecauseeveryoneI
knewhadtwoparentsandhappyfamilies,orsoIthought.Iactedouttoacquireattention
thatIwasnotgettingathomeandfiguredthatifeveryonethoughtIwasfunny,theywould
forgetaboutmyfamilystruggles.Onthefirstdayofschool,Iwasgivenadetentionfor
fightingandthen,spenteveryrecessperiodfortheremainderoftheyearwithmyfourth
gradeteacher.Luckily,nowIknowthatthereisaseasonforeverythingandthesummer
beforesixthgrade,Idevelopedachangeofpace.
SomewouldsaythatcounselingwasbeginningtopayoffotherswouldsaythatI
haddevelopedmoreselfworthandnonetheless,somewouldsaythatmyfamiliesstability
wasbeginningtoworkitselfout.Asforme,IwouldsaythatIwasstartingtoreceive
positiveencouragementandbuildingrelationshipswithotherpeoplewhocaredaboutmy
holisticstory.IspentsixmonthsworkingalongsideaD.A.R.E.(DrugAbuseAssistance
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Education)officerwhileinmiddleschool.HetaughtinourclassesandthenIwasgiventhe
opportunitytoridewithhimduringdifferentshifts.Irememberbeingpresentwhilehe
madearrestsvisitingthejailandevensittinginonacourtcaseonce.Icanvividly
rememberridingwithOfficerNanaandlayingoutmylifestoryandbeingabletoidentify
whyIwasactingoutandwhatmydesireswereatthattime.Ilearnedagreatdealabout
whereIdidnotwanttobeanditactedasagoodscaretactic,whetheritwasmeanttobe
ornot.
AsIapproachedhighschool,myfathergotremarriedandmystepmothergave
birthtoababyboynamedEric.IrememberwalkingintothehighschoolthinkingthatIwas
TheQueen.Ihadasisterwhowasaseniorandababybrotherthatwastoocuteforhis
owngood.MysistertookgoodcareofmeandIoftenfoundmyselfhangingoutwithher
andherfriends.Astheyearswenton,Ibegantofallintoaslump.Iwasatwosportathlete
thatdidnothavemanyfriendsmyownagebecauseIwasalwaysaroundthosewhowere
olderthanme.Iwasmoveduptovarsitysoftballasafreshmanandgotintothecrazy
phasealotearlierthaneveryoneelsemyage.Iwalkedthehallswithanegothatstruggled
tofitthroughthedoorways.ItwasntuntilthesummerbeforemysenioryearthatIhad
gottenintotroublewiththepoliceatwhichIcouldnottalkmyselfoutof.Inthemidstofme
feelinglikemyworldwasgoingtocrumble,IbegantorevisitthecounselorIthoughtIwas
donewithsome10yearsearlieraswellasachurch.AndthenbeforeIknewit,Iwasgiven
anewslateofftocollegeIwent!
ItwasalwaysknownthatIwasgoingtogotocollege.Therewasneveradoubtin
mymindbecauseitwasneveranoptioninmyfamily.Whendeciding,Ichosetogoto
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collegeoutofstatebecauseIneededsomethingnew.IneededtobeinaplacewhereI
couldstartoverwherenooneknewmeormyhistory.ThedecisiontogotoNorthPark
UniversityinChicagohasbeenoneofthebestdecisionsofmylife.MyfirstyearatNorth
Parkwasdefinitelyarealitycheckwithoutmyparentsorcounselor.Istruggledthrough
academics,playingcollegesoftball,walkingoutthisnewfaith,andattending17funeralsin
23monthsofmyclosestfriendsandfamily.Throughthis,Idevelopedaselfworthand
purposethattaughtmethatthislifeisNOTaboutme!MytimeatNorthParkdeveloped
menotonlyasastudent,butasanathlete,asaChristian,assomeonewhocanbe
selfmotivated,hardworking,anddetermined.Ilearnednewlifeskillsandwasencouraged
tofindmyselfandbecomethebestversionofme!
AsIgraduatedfromundergraduateschoolwithadoubleBachelorsinElementary
EducationandYouthMinistry,IknewIwantedtoworkintheeducationfieldofsomesort.I
studenttaughtinChicagoPublicSchoolsandIadoredmyexperience.Iwasalsogiventhe
opportunitytotraveltoZambia,Africaforashortthreeweektripthatchangedmylife.
UpongraduationIacceptedajobasakindergartenteacherinEnglewoodonthe
southsideofChicagoandeightmonthslater,IquittotravelbacktoZambia,Africa.Ihave
spentthelasttwoyearslearningabouttheculture,gettingtoknowpeoplesstories,training
teachers,andencouragingZambianstofindthemselvesandbecomethebestversionof
themselvestheycanbe.IwashiredtobeacoteachertoaZambiantofocusonEnglish
andaftertwoweeks,mycoteacheracceptedadifferentjobandIbecamethehead.I
beganteachingallsubjects,eventhenativetongueofBemba.Irememberfeelingterrified
andunsureofmyselfwhenintheclassroom.Ihad54studentswhoknewalmostno
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English,whohadnomaterials,andnocurriculum.Indesperationmode,Ibegannavigating
theclassroominwaysIhadneverdonebefore.Ibegancreatinglessonsthatweremore
interactiveandsmallgroupfocused.WebeganactingoutallourreadingsbecauseIcould
nottranslateappropriately.Aftereightmonthsinthisclassroom,Icouldnothavebeen
happier.Ihadbuiltarepertoirewiththestudentsandtheywerehelpingmeandteaching
mejustasmuchasIwasteachingthem.Bytheend,wewereputtingonfullperformances
foreachsubjectandIevenhadstudentstranslatingandteachingtheirpeers.Iwasso
proudofmystudentsandtheefforttheywereshowinginandoutsideofclass,bothtohelp
measwellashelpingthemselves.
Intheend,IhadalwaysfeltlikeIwasquicktodefendwhoIwasnotratherthan
owningwhoIam,presenttense.Inthelastfewsyears,IfeelthatIhavegivenmyself
enoughspacetoexplorethisconceptandforthefirsttimeinmylife,IfeelconfidentinwhoI
am.I,StaceyErnvall,amafunny,planneryetflexible,hardworking,confidentyetaware,
Christianwomanwholongstoempowerandequipthosethateasilyfallthroughthecracks.
Iwanttobeateacherthatknowsthebalancebetweenanononsensenurtureraswellas
beingexperimentalandfun.Iwanttoleadbyexample.Idesiretoknowstudentsstories
andofferupmineasproofthatchangecanhappenandallittakesistheencouragementof
one.IwantmystudentstoknowthatIwillloveandencouragethemdespitethestruggles
anddisappointmentsbecauseIcantestifytobeinginthatplacebefore.Iamthankfulfor
mypersonalexperiencesbothgrowingupaswellasservinginAfricabecauseIfeelbetter
equippedtorecognizethebiggerpicture.Mydesiretobeateacher/principalinanurban
areacomesfromthedeepestplaceinmyheartthatseesthepotentialofthosethatsociety
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haswrittenoffaslessimportant,lessprofitable,andlesslikelytosucceed.IknowthatIam
asmallpersononthisEarththathasgreatpotentialwiththehelpoftheLord!Sointhe
end,itsnotjustaboutwhoIamorwhoyouare,itsabouthowwechoosetouseourtimeto
bridgethegapandbringaboutthemostgoodforthosearoundus.
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