Revised Proposal

by Jorge Serrano
FILE
TIME SUBMITTED 20-MAR-2014 03:34PM
SUBMISSION ID 408034914
WORD COUNT 1298
CHARACTER COUNT 7602
MOODLE_TEMP_TURNITINTOOL_78257588._16044_1395354833_100178.
DOCX (2.31M)
abstract?
need a
background
section
highlight headings in some way
controlled
?
need heading
recheck your
subject--who or
what is doing
the
"performing"?
wrong word = confusion
unclear
cite
wrong adjective
background should
come before your
objective,
hypothesis, and
methods.
look up APA style indentation, underlining, etc.
QM
QM
FINAL GRADE
65/100
Revised Proposal
GRADEMARK REPORT
GENERAL COMMENTS
Instructor
It looks like you've included introductory, methods, and
rationale information, but it's all mixed up together. For
the NSF, you'd need to organize this material (in
paragraphs with appropriate topic sentences or
headings/subheadings).
PAGE 1
PAGE 2
Text Comment. abstract?
Text Comment. need a background section
Text Comment. highlight headings in some way
Text Comment. controlled?
Frag.
Fragment:
A sentence fragment is a phrase or clause that is in some way incomplete. Such fragments become
problematic when they attempt to stand alone as a complete sentence. The most common version of
this mistake occurs when a writer mistakes a gerund (a verb that acts like a noun) for a main verb, as
in the following sentence: "In bed reading Shakespeare from dusk to dawn."
PAGE 3
Text Comment. need heading
Text Comment. recheck your subject--who or what is doing the "performing"?
Frag.
Fragment:
A sentence fragment is a phrase or clause that is in some way incomplete. Such fragments become
QM
QM
problematic when they attempt to stand alone as a complete sentence. The most common version of
this mistake occurs when a writer mistakes a gerund (a verb that acts like a noun) for a main verb, as
in the following sentence: "In bed reading Shakespeare from dusk to dawn."
Text Comment. wrong word = confusion
PAGE 4
Text Comment. unclear
Text Comment. cite
||
Problem in Parallel Form:
Coordinate ideas should be expressed in parallel form. All expressions that are similar in content and
function should be expressed similarly.
PAGE 5
delete
some words or phrases here are unnecessary; they may even cloud your meaing.
Text Comment. wrong adjective
Text Comment. background should come before your objective, hypothesis, and methods.
PAGE 6
PAGE 7
Text Comment. look up APA style indentation, underlining, etc.
PAGE 8
RUBRIC: PROPOSAL RUBRIC
RHETORIC:
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
RESEARCH:
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
ORGANIZATION:
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT

Proficient
Audience and Purpose
Audience's needs are often not recognized: terms and ideas need explanation and language
needs adjustment for the audience. Purpose (to convince a funding agency to fund your
research) isn't clear or achieved.
Shows some attention to audience's needs, sometimes defining necessary terms and ideas
and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to convince a funding agency to fund
your research) may be unclear at times, and it may not be achieved convincingly.
Shows attention to audience's needs, defining necessary terms and ideas and using
audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to convince a funding agency to fund your
research) may be implied, but it's clear and achieved.
Shows sophisticated attention to audience's needs, defining necessary terms and ideas and
using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to convince a funding agency to fund your
research) is clear and achieved with style.
Proficient
Omits or uses incorrectly MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and
works cited list. Drops quotations and ideas into text without introducing source. Frequently
uses irrelevant or unpersuasive sources.
A few errors in MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and works cited
list. Often includes sources names without introduction. Sometimes uses irrelevant or
unpersuasive sources.
Correctly uses MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and works cited
list. Usually introduces each source fullyreader knows who did the research or
communicating, for whom, and why. Use of sources is usually relevant and persuasive.
Correctly uses MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and works cited
list. Introduces each source fullyreader knows who did the research or communicating,
for whom, and why. Use of sources is always relevant and persuasive.
Developing
Organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, transitions) may be absent, unrelated to the
prompt, or illogically connected. Ps are usually not unified or organized.
Organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, transitions) fit the prompt, but may be
vague, too broad, or inconsistenly or illogically linked. Ps may not be unified.
Clear, specific organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, transitions) fit the prompt
and tie ideas together adequately.
ADVANCED
PERSUASION:
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
TONE:
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
STYLE:
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
Clear, specific organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, transitions) fit the prompt
and tie ideas together logically and seamlessly.
Proficient
Inadequate, inappropriate, or irrelevant reasoning and evidence. Rationale may be missing
or flawed.
Over uses or under-analyzes evidence. May omit reasoning and include some irrelevant or
unpersuasive evidence. Rationale isn't yet persuasive--I'm not sure if this project is worth
funding.
Usually supports the thesis and paragraph claims with persuasive reasoning and credible,
relevant, analyzed evidence. Rationale is persuasive--you'd be on my finalist list.
Supports the thesis and paragraph claims with relevant, thorough, and insightful reasoning
and analyzed evidence. Rationale is persuasive--I'd give you the money!
Developing
Tone and/or design usually suggest/s an absence of awareness of audience and/or generic
conventions.
Tone and/or design are/is sometimes inappropriate or unconventional.
Appropriate tone and design conform to assigned audience and genre.
Sophisticated tone and design engage reader and conform to assigned audience and genre.
Developing
Sentence-level literacy and style
Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede readability.
Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede readability or otherwise distract from
meaning.
Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors are few and do not distract from meaning.
Outstanding control of language, including effective diction and sentence variety.