U-Haul There seems to be many rules and stereotypes that are expected of us in relationships. Such as, who calls first, who asks for the first date, who makes the first move, etc. These rules and culture is created through the social contructs we place on men and women. These social constructs lead to stereotypes of different sexualities. For instance gay men only want sex without a relationship. Heterosexual couples are a slave to their patriarchal environment. Lesbians prefer not to be sexual and only be in a relationship because of its emotional value. All of these stereotypes I would say are valid, but dont always apply. When one deviats from these norms they can be ostracized from their own sexuality. In Liahnae Gordons study on Embracing and Resisting Stereotypes in a Lesbian Community we see an interesting take on the lesbian culture that is not always properly represented. The participants feel this community both exist and doesnt it is palpable but is not tangible.
What exactly does this mean for the lesbian community? Does it mean that this community is more underground? For instance the community is discussed but is it physically there. This statement rang true for the lesbians that were apart of the study. Gordon introduces the reader to the different labels of lesbian groups from Bloomington that were involved in her study. The subcomunities consisted of, university lesbians, professional lesbians, church lesbians, students, 12-steppers, lesbians in the arts, pagan lesbians, lesbian feminist and trailer park dykes. Gordon mentions that these were just a few of the subcomunities in Bloomington. I myself also identify with parts of the lesbian community, but have rarely heard of these identifiers for lesbians. I go to school with university or student lesbians, and know of the term dyke but have never been exposed to such specific identifiers that make up this community. That is why this statement really resonated with me as a queer woman. There is discourse about the lesbian culture (especially in Fredonia), yet there are no rules that are set in stone. When I think about it though, Fredonia can be broken up into their own different subcommunities. Theres the rugby lesbians, women and gender studies lesbians, WSU lesbians, pride lesbians, artsy lesbians, theater lesbians, etc. We label these lesbians and give them stereotypes because putting people in groups makes sense. This is palpable to the human mind, but when one breaks down those stereotypes is when it becomes non-tangible. Do these lesbians prefer to be known as this? And does anyone really fit perfectly into these cookie cutter molds? Its a perplexing concept that Gordan goes over in some of her interviews. She also mentions that her study could have gone very differently if she had used different subgroups of lesbians. Its one of the things I like about men, they dont seem to lose their sex drive as quickly, and I dont know if its really losing sex drive or losing a sense of difference or exploration of what, but I think with women its been much harder to maintain the sexual element of the relationship, and I usually get cast as the villain , as to aggressive. This is referred to as lesbian bed death. I enjoyed this interview the most because of the honesty put forth from the interviewee. Quite often this kind of thing is discussed in the lesbian community. Female couples grow so close to each other, and caught up in their lives that they dont feel the need to have a sexual relationship with one another. It becomes more about the emotional experience. We can also see this stereotype in the media for heterosexual couples too. Aside from that though, I wanted to discuss more in depth why this kind of behavior occurs, and is it more often associated with lesbian couples? I find it ironic that this stereotype has occurred, because there seems to be more of a general acceptance for lesbian couples in society than gay couples. This may be because women are more prone to being sexually fluid than men. Its also way more accepted for women to identify as lesbian than men to identify as gay (Since gay is associated with the feminine). So from this there comes a comfort level that is stereotypically developed very quickly amongst female lesbians. Women that were once friends can develop into lovers and visa versa. Womens fluidity is typically based off of emotion, whereas mens is based off of sex. This is not always the case, but could be the cause or reason why we believe lesbian bed death occurs. Another reason could be based off of the stereotype for heterosexual couples. During some of the interviews various lesbians discussed that they truly believed that sex for hetero couples was based off a partriarical relationship. The man controls the woman in bed, and out. When sex is with a man it becomes about power and control. Lesbians are then deemed as unsexual because there is no man involved. Or sex becomes deamanized because the media and society promotes this relationship of power and control between men and women. In order to conteract this societal construct lesbian base their sex off of emotion instead of sexual pleasure. This then leading to lesbian bed death. The lesbian in this interview states that she becomes the bad guy when she wants more from sex than just emotion. She wants the raw hardcore sexual attraction too. Because of societal norms it is wrong for this women to want this kind of relationship with another women. Women are not aloud to want sex in this way. However men are aloud to want this because its attributed to their nature. Hence, why the stereotype that gay men only want one night stands exists. Lesbian bed death has become a social construct that then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy for lesbian couples. Except why is this always a bad thing? Why is every couple expected to maintain an exciting, regular sex life. Lesbian bed death is such a negative way of putting it. Some couples may prefer more of an emotional relationship. Gordon interviewed a woman with this opinion. As a read I know that I would have preferred it if she had gone into depth on this womans opinion, because often times we are told that its an unhealthy relationship if the couple is not to having sex regularly. Stereotypes seem to be the controlling factor in the lesbian culture. Yet, dont they control every group that considers themselves a social community? Having these stereotypes and rules can be helpful, especially when we are trying to understand a group of people that is different from our own. The important point here is that just because one falls into these stereotypes does not mean they define exactly who they are as people.