Action Research Project - Melissa Sawyer

Writing Instruction:
The Effects of Analyzing Mentor Texts and Creating Noticings Lists

Melissa Sawyer
Dr. Gershon
Kent State University

Action Research Project Proposal 2
Research Interest
I am interested in writing instruction because I feel that throughout my own schooling I
was often assigned writing but never taught how to write effectively. I genuinely believe that
every student has the capability to write well, and giving them a variety of strategies and
effective approaches for conveying meaning through words will improve their abilities. One of
my breakthrough moments in thinking about the teaching of writing occurred in my class with
Dr. Morgan last semester. I had already thought that using student work for examples of
effective and ineffective writing would be beneficial, but Id never considered how helpful it
would be to guide students to create lists by specifically naming the things effective writers were
doing. An example of this would be to analyze three different pieces of quality feature articles to
see how writers start an article to grab a readers attention. Effective writers do anything from
posing a question in the first sentence to dropping a reader right in the middle of the action of the
story. Having students name the things that writers are doing instead of giving them a list or
naming the examples for them will help them carry the practice to any genre of writing. It also
shows students that they have choices in writing and that all aspects of effective writing are
intentional decisions made by the writer. This lead to my teacher question: How can I improve
students writing?
I know from personal experience that using mentor texts (high quality examples of
writing within the genre being attempted) to analyze the ways that writers convey meaning
effectively helped me improve my own writing. I also used mentor texts during my ten-day unit
last semester when I assigned a book review to students. I found that they utilized many of the
strategies we uncovered after analyzing high-quality examples of published reviews. Their
writing was effective with all 12 students earning a score of C or higher, but I didnt have
previous work examples to compare to the final product they turned in to me. I am hoping that
the positive results Ive experienced will carry over into research paper analysis and writing.
Much of the research pertaining to the study of high-quality mentor texts simultaneously
examines other effective strategies to incorporate during writing instruction. Because teaching
students about the writing process is a complex process, it is almost impossible to study the
effects of a single strategy by itself. According to Graham and Perin (2006), no single approach
to writing instruction will meet the needs of all students (p. 11). The meta-analysis of empirical
research they conducted examined six studies, and they concluded that analyzing mentor texts
provides adolescents with good models for each type of writing that is the focus of instruction
(Graham & Perin, 2006, p. 20). Graham and Perin (2006) were unable to draw any conclusions
for low-achieving writers because none of the studies addressed this specific population of
students (p. 20).
Five of the six studies Graham & Perin (2006) analyzed showed positive effects for
students writing through the examination of model texts, or what I have defined as mentor texts
(p. 59). Knudson (1989, 1991), Thibodeau (1964), Reedy (1964), and Keech (1980) all
concluded that students writing improved when examining model texts in comparison to other
methods of instruction. Only Vinson (1980) was unable to find a positive correlation between the
study of model texts and students descriptive paragraphs when comparing the teaching method
with instruction in revision strategies (Graham & Perin, 2006, p. 59). The combination of my
personal experiences and the literature I reviewed lead me to the following research question for
this study: How might incorporating the analysis of high-quality mentor texts affect students
writing on a formal essay assignment?

Interventions
I conducted research at a public, suburban high school in northeast Ohio that enrolls
around 1,500 students. I studied my cooperating teachers first period college prep English 11
class made up of 27 juniors. Six of these students are on IEPs and 504 plans. Sixteen students are
male and 11 are female. Twenty-three students are Caucasian, two are African-American, one is
Hispanic and one is Biracial, which is representational of the school as a whole. There is ability
grouping and tracking in English-Language Arts at this high school. The honors track sets
students up to take AP English their senior year. Students may not take the honors track after
their sophomore year. Although the course is labeled as college prep, it is the only other choice
for students not in the honors class. This may result in a lower self-efficacy than students in the
upper-level course. After the split with students in honors courses, the college prep classes are
grouped heterogeneously, and students with disabilities and students with IEPs are not separated
from other students except in rare cases where contained classrooms are deemed to be the least
restrictive environment for the student.
Six of the students in this class are on IEPs or 504 plans while two additional students
have other specialized learning needs. One student had a traumatic brain injury as a child and
experiences hearing impairment, difficulty lifting heavy objects, problems with balance and
coordination, and has a learning disability that contributes to below-average performance in
reading and writing. Another student also has a learning disability that is a factor in below-
average performance in reading and writing while anothers learning disability plays a role in
below-average reading only. Another student has recently been diagnosed with Aspergers
autism spectrum disorder, is managing issues with anxiety and has been assessed as a struggling
reader and writer. One student has been diagnosed with ADD while three others have ADHD. Of
these three, one also manages Tourettes Syndrome, one suffers from depression and conduct
disordered oppositional defiant behavior, and one has emotional symptoms associated with
depression and recently came back to school after leaving for several weeks to get professional
help after having thoughts of suicide.
Class starts at 7:20 A.M. and we have 48 minute periods, Monday through Friday.
Sometimes I wonder at the collectively calm atmosphere of this particular group of students, but
I believe the early time of day contributes to their tranquility. The room is full with only one
desk left open, but it doesnt feel too crammed because our classroom is a sufficient size. I have
access to a digital projector, an overhead projector, a whiteboard, and a chalkboard.
My interventions took place three consecutive days: Monday, March 24, 2014 through
Wednesday, March 26, 2014. I planned to lead at least one more mini-lesson when students
returned from spring break the week of Monday April 7, 2014, but unforeseen events kept me
from doing so. Students completed a survey (Appendix A) before I introduced my interventions
to the classroom. The purpose of the survey was to help me better understand how students see
themselves as writers, the aspects of writing that they believe they are skilled at and aspects of
writing they struggle with or feel they could improve. The survey was conducted on Monday,
March 24, 2014 at the beginning of class. When the 25 students who were present completed the
survey, I explained the upcoming mini-lessons I planned to do each day for the rest of the week
and how it fit in with the action research I was conducting. I explained that I was choosing to
focus on writing instruction because I felt that students were often assigned writing but rarely
instructed how to write. I told them that my best experiences with writing instruction happened
when I analyzed mentor texts, which are just high-quality examples of the kind of writing I was
trying to do. I explained that we would be analyzing mentor texts and creating noticings lists,
which are lists of options and techniques we see in the mentor text that we can use in our own
writing. Although we are going to be looking at essay examples, I wanted to show them that they
could do this with any genre of writing. I chose to use an example of feature articles to model
aloud the process of analyzing a mentor text to name techniques I could use in my own writing
just so they could see me walk through the analysis process.
I showed the class three lead paragraphs on the digital projector (Appendix B) and gave
the students a few minutes to read the paragraphs themselves. I started by saying I might look at
the very first sentence and notice that all three catch the readers attention, but they do it in
different ways. The first uses a phrase that weve probably all said or heard someone say before.
The second uses an interesting fact to make you want to keep reading. The third example drops
the reader right into the action of a story, and the danger of the situation makes the reader want to
continue. The survey and my explanations took longer than I expected, so I summed up my
modeling by saying that just by looking at three lead paragraphs, I had three examples of ways to
start my writing that I could try out if I were writing a feature article. Then I explained that for
each upcoming mini-lesson students will discuss one mentor text in their reading groups (for the
reading were also doing in Of Mice and Men) and then well talk about it as a class and write
down the techniques and writing strategies to make noticings lists for different parts of the essay.
At the end of class on that Monday, I also passed out the writing prompt (Appendix C)
for the formal essay they will write in class when they return from spring break. Originally,
students were going to have to write a research paper comparing a social issue in Of Mice and
Men with the issue in modern society (example: working/living conditions of migrant farm
workers) and I was going to compare their scores to a research paper they completed after
reading The Crucible. However, due to time constraints, some of the requirements for this essay
were combined with the requirements of an in-class essay students are required to complete three
times throughout the year. This in-class essay is meant to measure the Student Learning
Objective (SLO) the junior English teachers agreed to focus on this year, which was the
organization of a five-paragraph essay with an introduction, three body paragraphs with two
pieces of evidence in each to back up the claim, and a conclusion paragraph. The students had
completed two SLO essays previously. This affected my planned intervention because it meant I
couldnt use previous student work examples for the research paper as mentor texts like I had
planned. Instead, I wrote the mentor texts myself because I thought it was important that the
examples students analyze meet the requirements of the prompt theyll be answering. According
to Pytash & Morgan (2013), mentor texts should be about the same length as the pieces students
will write, have to be of high-quality, able to withstand close scrutiny, and offer numerous
possibilities and crafting techniques for students (Gathering texts section, para. 4). Because I
didnt trust that I could write three essays that differed in style and content enough, I planned to
ask that students offer suggestions for improvements of the mentor texts. Usually, the analysis of
mentor texts only focuses on what is working in the text and not what could be improved. Also, I
never told the students that I wrote all of the examples because I didnt want that to affect their
criticality of the texts.
I conducted my first mini-lesson on Tuesday, March 25, 2014. I wrote the three separate
introduction paragraphs used in this mini-lesson the night before. At the beginning of class on
Tuesday, I passed out two pages: the first containing all three introductory paragraphs and the
second, guiding questions to help students analyze what techniques and writing strategies were
being used in each of the introductory paragraphs (Appendix D). I decided to use guiding
questions because students werent familiar with analyzing mentor texts. Students then read the
introductory paragraph assigned to their reading group (I had posted this on the whiteboard) and
analyzed the paragraph by answering the questions on the handout together as a group. This part
of the mini-lesson took longer than expected. I anticipated giving each group 5-8 minutes to read
and discuss, but answering the questions on the handout made the group discussion take almost
fifteen minutes. We moved to a large group discussion and I started by asking the questions
about thesis statements from the guiding questions sheet they all filled out. As students answered
the questions, I noted their responses on our noticing list (Appendix E). After noting what made
a good thesis both in general and for this specific writing prompt, I asked the students if they
thought their mentor text was a strong introductory paragraph. All the groups agreed that their
example was a good paragraph, so I asked them to give me specific examples of what the author
did to make it strong. I wrote these down on our noticing list as well. After one student
summarized by saying their mentor text (example 1) drew him in as a reader, I asked for specific
ways the writers drew in the reader with the very first sentence. Like the lead paragraphs I
modeled with the previous day, students were able to name three writing techniques (using a
fact, dialogue that places the reader in the middle of a situation, or speaking directly to the reader
by posing a question) that could draw readers in right away. I mentioned that I had often heard
students lament that they didnt know how to begin their essay, so this gave them three things to
try out to get started.
Participation was very high during this mini-lesson. According to the chart I use to jot
down what I notice about student behavior and participation in class daily, of the 24 students
who were present, at least 11 offered up responses of their own during the large group
discussion. Others answered when called upon and I felt very enthusiastic to do the same lesson
in a later class. All but one of the 24 present students turned in their answers to the guiding
questions. The mini-lesson did last around thirty minutes, which was about twice what I had
anticipated. This didnt give me much time to do the other activities I planned to get through,
including more than a brief discussion of the first chapter of Of Mice and Men I had assigned for
homework the previous night. After talking about time constraints and the goals for the other
learning tasks that were taking place that week with my cooperating teacher, mainly the reading
and discussion of Of Mice and Men, I decided that I would combine the mini-lesson on body
paragraphs with the mini-lesson on citations to save time, and then only do one more mini-lesson
when we returned from spring break on Monday, April 7, 2014. My cooperating teacher and I
both agreed that if we didnt devote in-class time at the end of the week to review the first three
chapters of Of Mice and Men and read the last three together as a class, that many students
wouldnt have a grasp on the plot of the story. They are used to reading texts and novels together
in class, so assigning reading every night, especially the week before spring break, wouldnt
result in full comprehension.
The mini-lesson on Wednesday, March 26, 2013 focused on analyzing body paragraphs
and reviewing MLA citations of quotations and paraphrased material. I wrote two body
paragraphs to go along with the introductory paragraph examples 1 and 3. I did not write one to
go with the second example because I did not want to give away plot details about Of Mice and
Men. I started class by passing out the writing examples and guiding questions (Appendix F) and
having the students analyze the texts in the same reading groups that they were in the previous
day. Reading the mentor texts and answering the discussion questions with group members took
about 15 minutes. The class discussion was not as enthusiastic as the previous day. Although my
daily participation field notes are incomplete for this day, the same two students were answering
my questions after longer silence times than the previous day. The energy level of the class was
much lower thisday, but we were still able to generate a sufficient noticings list for body
paragraphs and citations (Appendix G). Students were able to collectively identify the need for
supporting evidence to back up the topic sentence of the body paragraph. For this particular
prompt, the class identified the need to use specific details of the writers personal story and
compare it to the text through quotations. Students believed comparing anecdotes to quotations
had to be done smoothly throughout the paragraph, and the writing didnt flow well when there
was too much storytelling with a quote comparison at the end. We also examined the proper
punctuation and information required for different MLA citations for both quotations and
paraphrased summaries. The entire mini-lesson took around 30 minutes. Only 22 of the 25
students present turned in their guiding questions, aligning with the lackluster enthusiasm of the
day.
The last two days of the week were spent focusing on finishing J ohn Steinbecks Of Mice
and Men and discussing it as a class. This was unavoidable because my cooperating teacher and I
agreed that instruction would be too disjointed if we didnt finish the novel before spring break
started the following week. We were able to finish the novel, but lessons didnt go according to
planned when we returned from break the week of Monday, April 7, 2014. I was unable to be at
school that Monday and thought my cooperating teacher would show the majority of the film
version of Of Mice and Men. This would have left me time to do one final mini-lesson on
conclusion paragraphs on Tuesday, before finishing the film in class. Instead, the class examined
a list of the literature theyve read throughout the school year and started generating ideas about
how the themes might fit with their personal stories before watching parts of the movie. My
cooperating teacher and I agreed that it was important to have them start brainstorming about the
personal story they wanted to tell and the literature they could use to compare.
On Tuesday, April 8, 2014 I returned to school and we finished watching important clips
from Of Mice and Men. At the end of class, students had to do an exit slip on a notecard and
write down which prompt they were going to answer and which piece of literature they had
chosen for the comparison. We did not have time to complete an analysis of conclusion
paragraphs. On Wednesday, April 9, 2014 the English classes had to complete standardized
assessments that measured their grade-level reading comprehension. The test did not take the
entire class period, so students were instructed to begin their essay writing when they finished. I
aggregated our noticings lists that wed generated as a class into a handout for the students and
asked them to circle the strategies they were using in their writing as they completed their essays
(Appendix J ). The list also had added-in notes about conclusion paragraphs because so many
students indicated this part of the essay they struggled with, but we ran out of time and werent
able to analyze the conclusions of mentor texts together as a group. The following three days of
school, Thursday, April 10 through Monday April 14 were spent writing essays. Because every
class-sized computer lab was booked for standardized testing it was necessary to split the class
so half could work in the smaller newspaper lab and half could work in a different room with
computers. I spent the time that students were writing observing, encouraging them to stay on
task, and conferencing with those who had specific questions about their writing. All but three
students finished their essays by the end of class Friday. Two of the other students finished with
me in the newspaper lab on Monday and a student who was absent on Monday finished the essay
in a study hall Thursday.

Documentation
I gathered multiple sources of data, both quantitative and qualitative to best determine the
effects of my interventions on students formal essay writing. Quantitatively, I compared the
scores of the formal essay students wrote after the interventions with two previous in-class, SLO
essay scores (Appendix H) and a research paper score (Appendix I).
Qualitatively, I gathered information from surveys (Appendices A and J ), field notes,
student responses on the guiding questions from the two days of mini-lessons (Appendices D and
F), noticings lists generated as a class (Appendeices E & G) and all three SLO essays. I planned
to gather more data in the form of surveys than I did. I only conducted a pre-intervention survey
(Appendix A). I was unable to conduct a formal post-intervention survey, but did ask that
students examine the noticing lists (Appendix J ) and circle the strategies they utilized in the
essay they wrote after they examined mentor texts.
Validity
The assessment of writing is affected by the biases and expectations of the assessor.
Although my own biases didnt affect the scores students received because my cooperating
teacher did all the grading, I still have biases that affect my interpretation of the data I collected.
I do believe I was able to maintain confirmability by practicing triangulation in data collection
because I compared three pre-intervention scores on formal writing assignments with the post-
intervention scores of an in-class essay. I established credibility and dependability when I
consulted my cooperating teacher to verify my data and analysis were accurate. My study has
established transferability because the goal of my research wasnt to develop truth statements
that can be generalized to larger populations. I know that my research is context bound, so I
described the makeup of my classroom and the circumstances and environment that affected my
interventions. People reading my study can decide if my findings might be transferrable to their
individual contexts.
Analysis & Findings
While developing my action research, I originally planned to compare the essays and
scores of two previous Student Learning Objective (SLO) in-class essays with the SLO essay
students would write right after my interventions. The SLO essays required students to construct
a five-paragraph essay in roughly two class periods (1 hour, 36 minutes). Then, after reviewing
the upcoming schedule with my cooperating teacher, I realized that students were going to have
to write a research paper based on Of Mice and Men before they were going to be able to write
their last SLO in-class essay. It appeared that students wouldnt be able to write the SLO essay
until I was finished student teaching. I reworked my plan and was going to use the scores of their
first research paper they wrote in December and compare it with the results of their Of Mice and
Men research paper. A couple days before my planned interventions, my teacher and I agreed
that we could combine the requirements of the second research paper with the third SLO essay.
So the writing prompt for the essay students did after the interventions was a combination of an
SLO writing prompt, which normally focuses on students abilities in structuring essays and the
research paper requirement of quotations as evidence with proper MLA citations.
Unfortunately at the time of my data analysis, nine of the 27 essays werent graded. The
formal SLO essays must be graded by my cooperating teacher so grading remains as consistent
as possible throughout the time student growth is being measured. The students whose essays
werent yet graded have been taken out of the analysis of the scores for the average of the post-
intervention essay, although they are included on the charts in Appendices. As I collected the
previous SLO essays and scores, I noticed the grading criteria changed as the school year
progressed. The first essays were written at the end of August and were graded using a 25-point
rubric (Appendix K) that critiqued style, writing conventions, theme, content structure/
organization, and content evidence separately. The second SLO essays were written in February
and my cooperating teacher assigned a value up to 25 points, but they were not graded using any
kind of rubric. The third SLO, the one students wrote after the interventions, was graded using a
checklist rubric (Appendix K). I do not have grading criteria or students essays for the first
research paper written in December, but I know that a similar rubric was used as was with the
first SLO. These observations affected my interpretation of the score analysis because I realize
that teacher bias could play a factor in scoring of any written work, no matter the teacher or
criteria. Teacher bias has to be taken into consideration when examining the student scores on
any of the essays, but more so in the second SLO that wasnt graded using a rubric. The addition
of MLA citations to the third SLO prompt also means that the scores from that essay arent
completely comparable to the scores from the previous two because more was expected in the
last one.
Looking at the scores from the first research paper to the post-intervention essay, scores
increased an average of 7.11 percentage points. Of the 18 students who had scores for both the
original research paper and the post-intervention essay, 16 improved their grade. Only two
students scores dropped: Student 5 by 9.33 percentage points and Student 9 by 6.67 percentage
points. Both students still earned a grade of B for the second paper, so their score drops did not
indicate that they were below average in writing ability like a grade lower than a C would have.
The scores for the post-intervention essay were a major improvement from the first SLO
essay, but dropped slightly from the average second SLO essay score. The average score for
SLO 1, written in August 2013, was 61.76% and students were only given points for completing
the assignment. The average score for SLO 2, written in February 2014 was 88.96, an
improvement of 27.2 percentage points. Students were told they would be awarded points based
on their improvement from the first SLO essay. Only one of the 23 applicable students scores
dropped from the first SLO to the second: Student 1 went from an 88% to a 76%. The average
score for the post-intervention essay was 86.53% which is a 2.43 percentage point decrease from
SLO 2. Students were told that the post-intervention essay would be worth a 75-point research
paper grade for the last quarter, as well as 25% of their final exam for the year. The slight
decrease in mean score from SLO 2 to the post-intervention essay could be accounted for by the
increased expectations that were added to the latter.
Although the average post-intervention essay scores increased in comparison to the first
SLO essay and the first research paper, there are many factors that could have contributed to this
improvement. Its impossible to link improvements directly with the interventions I introduced.
The fact that all students wrote their post-intervention essays on computers while the first two
SLO essays were written by hand could have benefitted those with typing skills or hindered
students who dont type well. Some students may have felt they had more to say for a certain
writing prompt over another. The amount of time that passed between writing the first SLO and
the first research paper would be predicted to increase scores because its expected that students
learn more about writing conventions and improve their writing skills over the length of a school
year. Their improvement may also have to do with the fact that my cooperating teacher and I
started talking about the essay assignment and gave them the writing prompt more than two
weeks before they started writing them in class. We also required them to declare the topic of
their essays and the piece of literature they were going to compare their anecdotes to the day
before they had an opportunity to get started writing. The previous two SLO prompts were only
introduced the day before students started writing and they were never required to declare their
topics before starting with the essay. The average improvement of scores when comparing the
first research paper to the post-intervention essay could have been positively affected by the
review of the first essay when my teacher reviewed common mistakes that were made, such as
the misuse of MLA citations and quotes for evidence. As indicated by the Graham and Perin
(2006) meta-analysis of empirical research, it is nearly impossible to study the effects of a single
writing instruction strategy alone because no single approach to writing instruction will meet
the needs of all students (p. 11).
Qualitative data offers deeper insight into the individual learning that took place through
the interventions. Although I wasnt able to administer a post-intervention survey, I asked
students to circle the strategies they used on their post-intervention essays on the aggregated
noticings list I gave them before they started the paper (Appendix J ). Only 16 students completed
this task, and I believe this is because we were split in half as a class so many students may not
have been reminded to do this as they were writing or when they finished their essays. J ust
looking at the number of strategies students circled and comparing it to their grade on the post-
intervention essay does yield a trend (Appendix J ). The one student who scored lower than a C
and also indicated the strategies they used on the noticings list averaged only 3 circled strategies.
The nine students who scored a B and also turned in the noticings list averaged almost 9 circled
strategies. The three students who earned an A and also turned in the noticings list averaged 12
items circled. As a whole, this suggests that the more strategies students were able to identify
using in their post-intervention essay, the better their score. Although this points to the fact that
the intervention helped students score higher, students might have already been utilizing these
strategies before the intervention.
Examining student work examples also points at the fact that the interventions were
helpful for essay writing, but do not prove that they are the sole reason for any improvements.
By examining Student 21s introductory paragraphs in the two SLO essays and the post-
intervention essay (Appendix L), it can be concluded that her introductory paragraphs improved
in content and structure. The introductory paragraphs from the first two SLO essays are basically
one big thesis statement each. They are short, 4 sentences and 3 sentences respectively, and in
my judgment, dont grab the readers attention to encourage them to continue reading. By the
post-intervention essay, Student 21 has developed more of an introduction by making a statement
about herself in the first sentence, and broadening her statements about love to appeal to the
unknown feelings of the reader. This coincides with the noticings list strategies she indicated
using: using a relatable scenario and drawing on emotion. The last two sentences of the post-
intervention essay provide a defendable thesis for the rest of the paper and sets Student 21 up to
have three strong topics for the three body paragraphs. She makes it clear that she will be
comparing her story to the character of Georgiana from Nathaniel Hawthornes The Birthmark
and then utilizes some specific details from her own failed relationship to set up the rest of the
paper. This coincides with the fact that Student 21 indicated usage of all three strategies for
thesis statements that she circled on the noticings list (Appendix L).
Because other writing instructions, including the brainstorming my cooperating teacher
did with students on Monday, April 7 when I was absent and the requirement that students
identify the prompt and text being used for evidence the day before beginning the essay, it is
impossible to conclude with any certainty that my interventions alone improved student writing.
The higher average grades in comparison to the higher average number of strategies students said
they utilized from the aggregated noticings suggests that the analysis of mentor texts and the
creation of noticings lists did help students write better essays, but it is also likely that other
writing instruction methods benefited students as well.
Democracy & Community
Giving students specific strategies theyll be able to use in their own writing is good, but
guiding them to uncover those strategies themselves is better because they can use their
analyzing skills to help them write in any genre. Ideally, after analyzing mentor texts and
creating noticings lists, students will see that they can do this activity on their own to improve
their writing. It also shows students that they have choices in the writing process and that
effective writing stems from intentional decisions made by the writer. Although the results of my
interventions arent necessarily conclusive, I believe that they show that making time for writing
instruction of any kind is beneficial to student performance on writing assignments. As a teacher
I no longer feel that its acceptable for me to assign writing without instruction directly focused
on improving writing skills.
When I have my own classroom, I plan to make the analysis of mentor texts and the
creation of noticings lists a regular part of writing instruction. I believe this activity will benefit
students when they have practiced the analysis and are more comfortable with the process. I
believe the analysis is easier to do when the genre of writing assigned is less academic, like in
the case of memoir writing. When students have had practice analyzing and creating noticing
lists for a range of genres (everything from lab reports to advertisements), analyzing 5-paragraph
essays will be smoother. Also, the next time I guide students to analyze mentor texts and create
noticings lists, I will make sure that this writing instruction doesnt interfere with other learning
tasks like it did with the reading of Of Mice and Men. Ive found in my experience that
enthusiasm and participation of the class as a whole dwindle when lessons are rushed or students
feel they are missing out on other regular learning activities. After concluding my study, I would
like to make this intervention a regular part of classroom activities and writing instruction in the
future.

References
Graham, S., & Perin, D. (2007). Writing next: Effective strategies to improve writing of
adolescents in middle and high schools A report to Carnegie Corporation of New York.
Washington, DC: Alliance for Excellent Education.
Knudson, R. E. (1989). Effects of instructional strategies on childrens informational writing.
Journal of Educational Research, 83, 9196.
Knudson, R. E. (1991). Effects of instructional strategies, grade, and sex on students persuasive
writing. Journal of Experimental Education, 59, 141152.
Pytash, K. E., & Morgan, D. N. (2013). A unit of study approach for teaching common core state
standards for writing. Middle School Journal. Retrieved from http://www.amle.org/
BrowsebyTopic/Curriculum/CurrDet/TabId/186/ArtMID/793/ArticleID/274/Unit-of-Study-
Approach-for-CCSS-Writing.aspx.
Reedy, J . E., J r. (1964). A comparative study of two methods of teaching the organization of
expository writing to ninth-grade pupils. Unpublished doctoral dissertation, Boston
University School of Education, Boston, MA.
Thibodeau, A. E. (1964). Improving composition writing with grammar and organization
exercises utilizing differentiated group patterns. Unpublished doctoral dissertation, Boston
University School of Education, Boston, MA.

Appendix A
NAME___________________________

Writing Survey

Circle the answer that aligns closest with your feelings and beliefs.

1. I enjoy writing in my own time.
Strongly Disagree Disagree Agree Strongly Agree

2. I enjoy writing at school.

3. I am a good writer.

4. I am good at writing essays.

5. I can learn to be a better writer.

6. I write better when I plan my essay out with notes before I start.

7. I write best when I get it done all in one sitting.

8. My final version of writing is very different than my first draft.

turn over
Answer the following questions to the best of your ability and as thoroughly as possible, but
dont worry about complete sentences, grammar or spelling.

9. Explain how you usually go about writing an essay for school.

10. What part of essay writing are you good at?

11. What part of essay writing do you struggle with?

12. What else do you have to say about writing essays?

Appendix B
From Camille Noe Pagans list article Focus! from the August, 2013 issue of O: The Oprah Magazine:

Im so scatterbrainedI must have ADHD. Its a lament that doctors like Michael Coates, MD,
are hearing more and more from adult patients, many of whom assume medication is the answer
to their woes. Yet most people dont have ADHD, nor do they need a pill, says Coates, who
chairs the Department of Family and Community Medicine at Wake Forest School of Medicine.
What they need is a better routine. In fact, only about 4.5 percent of American adults are
estimated to have ADHD, according to a report in the American Journal of Psychiatry. For the
rest of us, feeling unfocused is not the result of a disorder or even a personality traitits simply
a habit.

From Up in the Air by Lev Grossman from the J uly 2006 Time issue:

The world record for two people juggling 10 clubs between them is 378 catches. It is currently
held by two Russian siblings living in the U.S. named Vova and Olga Galchenko. The
Galchenkos also hold the world record for 11 clubs (152 catches) and 12 clubs (54 catches). The
ability to juggle at this level is highly unusual, especially at their agesVova is 18, Olga 15. But
then again, the Galchenkos are very unusual people.

From Ed Yongs Mental Floss article The Lava Chaser, published in the J uly/August 2013 issue:

Ken Sims was already drenched in sweat; then the soles of his shoes started to melt. Sims was
climbing up a 40-foot ridge inside Nyiragongo, an active volcano on the eastern flank of the
Democratic Republic of Congo, toward a churning 100-yard-wide pool of black molten rock.
Acrid gases steamed off the top of the pool, and shifting lattices of orange fire crisscrossed it. To
protect himself from the heatthe lava can reach up to 1,400FSims wore a bulky helmet and
a silvery sheath of aluminum foil known as a lava suit. But the treacherous climb meant that his
shoes had to go uncovered. I could feel my feet sliding and see goo pushing up against the
bottom, he says.

Appendix C
APRI L ESSAY Standard
W.11-12.1
Students will demonstrate well-developed
arguments with valid reasoning, relevant
evidence and well-chosen details.

WRITING PROMPT (Pick 1) I n a well-
developed 5-paragraph essay:

1. Recount an incident or time when you
experienced failure. How did it affect
you? Compare your experience to a
character or time period in American
literature. What lessons did you learn?

2. Reflect on a time when you challenged a
belief or idea. What prompted you to
act? Compare your experience to a
character or time period in American
literature. Would you make the same
decision again?

REQUIREMENTS
Essay should include: Introduction paragraph, 3
body paragraphs, and a conclusion paragraph.

1 -2 p.
1 American Literature source
Works cited page (create using easybib.com)

Introduction: Start your paragraph with an
opening to your topic. End your intro. paragraph
with a thesis statement that expresses your
direct point about the topic. (4-6 sentences)

To help you start a thesis statement write: I
believe that _______________. Once youve
developed your idea, take out the I believe
that.

Body paragraphs: Start each paragraph with a
topic sentence that identifies the main idea of
the paragraph. (MINI MUM 3 PARAGRAPHS)

Paragraph 1: Discuss your own life event in
relationship to the prompt and how it affected
you.

Paragraph 2: Discuss how your experience
compares to a character or time period in
American literature. Include (2) parenthetical
citation from your American literature source to
demonstrate similarities.

Paragraph 3: Discuss what lessons you learned
or Discuss how you if you would make the same
decision again?

Conclusion: Begin your last paragraph with a
restatement of your thesis. DO NOT USE
IDENTICAL WORDING. Follow with at least 2
sentences about what was learned about your
experience in relation to American literature. In
short, summarize your final thoughts.

PAGE FORMATTING
Use standard MLA formatting for the paper.
1 margins
size 12 font (Tahoma)
Do NOT include any special formatting to the
font
double-space entire paper
center title of paper (no underline, bold, italics,
etc.)
include heading (see below as ex.)

Your name
Smith 1
Mrs. Mankamyer
English 11 CP
11 April 2014
Struggling with acceptance [title]

TIPS
Use your time wiselyIMC time is extremely
limited
Proofread-Proofread-Proofread!!
Do not use abbreviations
A flashdrive to save would be a good idea
Ask for help if you are struggling
Use PROPER English

**It is extremely important that you use your
time wisely in class. ALL writing is done during
English and you may not take it home.

Sample Works Cited page

Smith 3
Works Cited

Longfellow, Henry W. "The Cross of
Snow." Elements of Literature: Fifth
Course. Austin, TX.: Holt, Rinehart &
Winston, 1997. N. pag. Print.

IMPORTANT INFORMATION

DUE DATE: __________________
This research paper assignment will
count as (2) separate scores.

1. Research paper: 75 points

2. SLO Writing Assessment: 25% of
your final exam grade

WRITING INSTRUCTION 26
Appendix D
M. Sawyer
Mrs. Mankamyer
English 11 CP
24 April 2014
Example 1
According to a 2013 study on poverty and education, almost one in four children in the
United States live in poverty and this negatively affects their chances of being academically
successful and graduating high school. In comparison with kids from more affluent families,
children who grow up in poverty complete two fewer years of schooling and earn half as much
money later in life. Poor children are three times as likely to have poor health, poor males are
twice as likely to get arrested, and poor females are five times more likely to have a child out of
wedlock than their richer counterparts (Coley and Baker 8). I am a child living in poverty, but I
refuse to add to these sickening statistics. Although researchers study these trends to try to show
that they need changed, I feel like my familys income has already labeled me a failure. But I
want to challenge and overcome the idea that I wont be successful. Being poor is hard enough
without a stigma associated with it, and I see education as the only way out of this awful cycle.
Through my studies I have been able to relate t the ideas of certain movements in society and art.
The Transcendentalist period of American literature, particularly the beliefs and works of Henry
David Thoreau and Ralph Waldo Emerson, has inspired me to be a self-reliant non-conformist
dedicated to overcoming the beliefs society has about me based on the economic status of my
family.

Example 2
Have you ever put your heart and soul into reaching a goal, but still failed? I have. I had a
dream of joining Teach for America, a group that trains and sends recent college graduates to
high-need schools across the country in an effort to improve the education available to students
in failing systems. I dedicated countless hours to completing applications, writing essays,
conducting phone interviews, taking aptitude and attitude tests, and planning and delivering
practice lessons. After making it to the final round of interviews and then receiving an email
declaring I was not chosen for the program, I was devastated. What makes failure like this easier
to overcome? For me, it was reading about characters that have faced similar obstacles and also
failed. Literature provides readers with fellow humans with whom you can commiserate with and
learn from. I happened upon such a character in George from J ohn Steinbecks Of Mice and
Men. Although we dont know if George overcomes his lost American Dream, I was able to
relate to his stoicism and acceptance despite bitter disappointment and pursued an alternative
route to making my dream of teaching a reality.

Example 3
Some people just cant handle a little fun and go crying to their mommies when they get
a little boo-boo! Imagine being a scared and still-adjusting freshman, sitting behind an
upperclassman that you once looked up to while they knowingly directed that jab at you. I could
feel the hot tears welling up as I willed myself not to blink, lest they fall along with my sinking
heart. Although I managed to hold back the tears that day and the incident I would eventually
come to understand as hazing is now years behind me, a piece of my heart remains in my belly
from the alienation I faced for challenging a cruel, yearly ritual for the high school volleyball
team. I dont regret speaking out about the bullying that occurred, but it was only after reading
about and relating to characters in some of my favorite pieces of literature that I was finally able
to make peace with my decision to come forward. Reading works like Arthur Millers The
Crucible helped me see that you sometimes have to sacrifice a lot to do what you know in your
heart, no matter how many pieces its in, is right. Reading about the literal death that J ohn
Proctor faced with dignity in The Crucible has allowed me to make peace with the social death
that I faced for challenging the status quo of an awful tradition.
Name_______________________

INTRODUCTORY PARAGRAPH NOTES

WE ANALYZED EXAMPLE #: _____

1. Underline and label the thesis statement.
What makes this a thesis?

2. Is this a strong thesis? Why?

3. Is this a strong introductory paragraph? Why?

4. How does the writer grab the readers attention with the first sentence?

5. Where/how does the writer make a comparison with a character or time period in literature?

6. How much background information does the writer include for the reader (who may not be familiar
with the writers story or certain terms the writer is using)?

7. What do you think the three body paragraphs are going to/should address?

1.

2.

3.

8. What else do you notice or like about this introductory paragraph?

9. What could be improved in this paragraph?

Appendix E

Appendix F
M. Sawyer
Mrs. Mankamyer
English 11 CP
24 April 2014
Example 1
According to a 2013 study on poverty and education, almost one in four children in the
United States live in poverty and this negatively affects their chances of being academically
successful and graduating high school. In comparison with kids from more affluent families,
children who grow up in poverty complete two fewer years of schooling and earn half as much
money later in life. Poor children are three times as likely to have poor health, poor males are
twice as likely to get arrested, and poor females are five times more likely to have a child out of
wedlock than their richer counterparts (Coley and Baker 8). I am a child living in poverty, but I
refuse to add to these sickening statistics. Although researchers study these trends to try to show
that they need changed, I feel like my familys income has already labeled me a failure. But I
want to challenge and overcome the idea that I wont be successful. Being poor is hard enough
without a stigma associated with it, and I see education as the only way out of this awful cycle.
Through my studies I have been able to relate to the ideas of certain movements in society and
art. The Transcendentalist period of American literature, particularly the beliefs and works of
Henry David Thoreau and Ralph Waldo Emerson, has inspired me to be a self-reliant non-
conformist dedicated to overcoming the beliefs society has about me based on the economic
status of my family.
Transcendentalists like Ralph Waldo Emerson defined what it means to be self-reliant
while Thoreau showed me what it means in action. In his essay Self Reliance Emerson says
every man must take himself for better, for worse, as his portion; that though the wide universe
is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on
that plot of ground which is given to him to till (251). I have taken this to mean that every
person must accept their lot in life, even if youre born to rags instead of riches. The only good
that can come to a person is through their own hard work and dedication. Henry David Thoreau
put Emersons ideas into real action when he lived at Walden Pond and only relied on himself
for the essential things he needed to survive. When I read the works by these American writers, I
knew I could only count on myself to transcend the unique obstacles I face because of my
poverty. I have to work two different jobs in order to pay for basic things like toothpaste and
deodorant for myself. Sometimes our food runs out before my mom gets paid again and I rely on
the money I earn to feed myself. Although this might bring some people down, I dont think
about what other people have, I strive towards getting what I want and need. I follow Thoreaus
advice when he said in Walden however mean your life is, meet it and live it (46).
Example 3
Some people just cant handle a little fun and go crying to their mommies when they get
a little boo-boo! Imagine being a scared and still-adjusting freshman, sitting behind an
upperclassman that you once looked up to while they knowingly directed that jab at you. I could
feel the hot tears welling up as I willed myself not to blink, lest they fall along with my sinking
heart. Although I managed to hold back the tears that day and the incident I would eventually
come to understand as hazing is now years behind me, a piece of my heart remains in my belly
from the alienation I faced for challenging a cruel, yearly ritual for the high school volleyball
team. I dont regret speaking out about the bullying that occurred, but it was only after reading
about and relating to characters in some of my favorite pieces of literature that I was finally able
to make peace with my decision to come forward. Reading works like Arthur Millers The
Crucible helped me see that you sometimes have to sacrifice a lot to do what you know in your
heart, no matter how many pieces its in, is right. Reading about the literal death that J ohn
Proctor faced with dignity in The Crucible has allowed me to make peace with the social death
that I faced for challenging the status quo of an awful tradition.
One way that J ohn Proctors story mirrors my own is through his initial reluctance to
come forward about the immoral actions of others in his community in an effort to protect his
own dignity. Although Abigail tells Proctor that the girls in Salem were only covering up the fact
that they got caught dancing in the woods and the incident didnt have to do with witchcraft, he
doesnt immediately come forward with this information (Miller 20). It isnt until his own wife is
threatened that Proctor admits that he was alone with Abby when she made this confession
(Miller 56). The hazing experience I went through caused me a different kind of shame than
what Proctor felt, but I could still relate to his reluctance to make known the truth. What started
out as a game that could have been painless and fun quickly turned more sinister when the coach
stopped supervising the upperclassman as they made the freshmen players collect all the
volleyballs they had strewn about the school. As I was attempting to gather some of them, a
senior pushed me into a locker and my finger broke. I was also elbowed in the face and received
a fat lip. At the end of the practice, the coach laughed at me because I was so flustered about
what had just occurred. When I got to my moms waiting car, I could barely tell her what
happened through my tears. I hesitated because I knew that she would want the incident reported
to the school administration. After the truth came out, my mother urged me to talk to the athletic
director about what had occurred. Although I felt embarrassed, I told my story because I knew
that the coach was wrong for allowing events to unfold as they did. J ohn Proctor and I both had a
choice to expose the unethical actions of others even though it meant being shamed ourselves,
and we both made the decision to accept the negative consequences for doing so.

Name_______________________

INTRODUCTORY PARAGRAPH NOTES

WE ANALYZED EXAMPLE #: _____

1. What does the first sentence do to set up the paragraph?

2. How many pieces of evidence does the writer give to support the idea in the topic sentence?

3. How does the writer cite evidence? (Do quotes stand alone or are they introduced?)

4. Do all the MLA citations look the same? Why?

5. Why are citations important?

6. Is this a good supporting paragraph?

7. What is done well in this paragraph?

8. What could be improved in this paragraph?

Appendix G

Pseudonym
SLO Essay 1
Score
SLO Essay 2
Score
SLO Essay 3/2nd
Research Paper
Percentages
Improved from
SLO 1 to SLO 2?
Improved from
SLO 2 to SLO 3?
Improved from
SLO 1 to SLO 3?
Improved from
SLO 1 to SLO 2 to
SLO 3?
Student 1 88.00% 76.00% 90.67% no yes yes no
Student 2 56.00% 96.00% 74.67% yes no yes no
Student 3 84.00% 100.00% not available yes not available not available not available
Student 4 80.00% 92.00% 97.33% yes yes yes yes
Student 9 not available 100.00% 80.00% not available no not available not available
Student 15 40.00% not available 68.00% not available not available yes not available
Student 19 64.00% not available not available not available not available not available not available
Student 20 not available 76.00% not available not available not available not available not available
Mean Score: 61.76% 88.96% 86.53% yes no yes no
Appendix H


Student Scores for SLO Essays

20.00%
30.00%
40.00%
50.00%
60.00%
70.00%
80.00%
90.00%
100.00%
SLO 1 Score SLO 2 Score SLO 3 Score
Student 1
Student 2
Student 3
Student 4
Student 5
Student 6
Student 7
Student 8
Student 9
Student 10
Student 11
Student 12
Student 13
Student 14
Student 15
Student 16
Student 17
Student 18
Student 19
Student 20
Student 21
Student 22
Student 23
Student 24
Student 25
Student 26
Student 27
Pseudonym
First Research
Paper
Percentage
SLO Essay 3/2nd
Research Paper
Percentages
Improved From
First to Second
Research
Paper?
Student 1 82.22% 90.67% yes
Student 2 44.44% 74.67% yes
Student 3 91.11% not available not available
Student 4 91.11% 97.33% yes
Student 5 93.33% 84.00% no
Student 6 84.44% 90.67% yes
Student 7 88.89% 89.33% yes
Student 9 86.67% 80.00% no
Student 10 not available not available not available
Student 11 68.89% 86.67% yes
Student 13 80.00% 89.33% yes
Student 14 44.44% 76.00% yes
Student 15 not available 68.00% not available
Student 16 66.67% 86.67% yes
Student 17 91.11% 92.00% yes
Student 20 not available not available not available
Student 21 84.44% 97.33% yes
Student 22 84.44% 93.33% yes
Student 23 68.89% 82.67% yes
Student 24 66.67% 88.00% yes
Student 26 62.22% 88.00% yes
Student 27 82.22% 89.33% yes
Mean Score: 78.84% 86.53% yes
Appendix I

Student Scores for Research Papers

40.00%
50.00%
60.00%
70.00%
80.00%
90.00%
100.00%
Research Paper 1 SLO Essay 3 (Research Paper 2)
Student 1
Student 2
Student 3
Student 4
Student 5
Student 6
Student 7
Student 8
Student 9
Student 10
Student 11
Student 12
Student 13
Student 14
Student 15
Student 16
Student 17
Student 18
Student 19
Student 20
Student 21
Student 22
Student 23
Student 24
Student 25
Student 26
Student 27
Appendix J
THESIS
comes at the end of first paragraph
makes some kind of claim/states belief
summarizes/previews what the body paragraphs will cover
INTRODUCTORY PARAGRAPH HINTS
answer the prompt (if there is one)
o our example: talk about character or time period AND personal experience
sets up the rest of the essay
strong thesis
draws the reader in with the first sentence
can grab readers attention through
o relatable scenario
o asking a question
o sensory details (sight, sound, touch, smell, etc.)
o dialogue
o quote
o statistic
o draw on emotion
o draw on logic
BODY PARAGRAPH HINTS
first sentence (topic sentence) mini-thesis for paragraph
explain unknown words or necessary aspects of story
every claim requires evidence
o quote from text
dont let quote stand alone, explain it
o example from personal experience
comparisons are smooth and not forced
o not too much personal experience
CLOSING PARAGRAPH HINTS
restate the thesis in new words
summarize the main points made
end with something memorable
o could be the lesson learned/conclusion to an anecdote started in intro paragraph
CITATIONS
normal MLA citation: I agree that Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth
(Thoreau 234).
using the authors name: I agree with Thoreau when he says Rather than love, than money,
than fame, give me truth (234).
0
2
4
6
8
10
12
14
Scored 79% or
lower
Scored 80-89% Scored 90-
100%
Average Number of Items Circled
on Aggregated Noticings Lists
Average Number of
Items Circled on
Aggregated Noticings
Lists
Pseudonym
Number of
Items Circled
on Aggregated
Noticings List
SLO Essay 3
Percentages
Student 1 6 90.67%
Student 2 3 74.67%
Student 3 not turned in not available
Student 4 16 97.33%
Student 5 6 84.00%
Student 6 not turned in 90.67%
Student 7 14 89.33%
Student 8 18 not available
Student 9 11 80.00%
Student 11 6 86.67%
Student 13 16 89.33%
Student 16 2 86.67%
Student 21 16 97.33%
Student 23 5 82.67%
Student 24 11 88.00%
Student 27 8 89.33%
paraphrase: I could particularly relate to his preference for the pursuit of truth over love, wealth
and fame (Thoreau 234).


Appendix K
Rubric for SLO Writing Prompt 1

Checklist Rubric for Grading Post-Intervention Essay

Appendix L
Student 21s Writing Sample for SLO Essay 1 Introduction Paragraph

Student 21s Writing Sample for SLO Essay 2 Introduction Paragraph

Student 21s Writing Sample for Post-Intervention Essay Introduction Paragraph

Student 21s Indication of Writing Strategies Used in Post-Intervention Assessment

Action Research Project - Melissa Sawyer

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