Male and Female Communication

There are many theories today that try to discover and explain the differences in
the ways males and females communicate. This, in turn, often brings about conflict
and misunderstanding between the sexes when attempting to hold a conversation. A
few of the theories studied in this class that dealt with this problem were the
Standpoint Theory, Genderlect Styles, and the Muted Group Theory. All of these
theories attempt to explain the differences and complications two people of
different sexes may face in certain situations and how they may respond to each
other in a conversation.
The first theory studied was the Standpoint Theory devised by Sandra Harding and
Julia T. Wood. This theory claims that, "the social groups within which we are
located powerfully shape what we experience and know as well as how we understand
and communicate with ourselves, others, and the world." These theorists believe
that because women are often pushed to the bottom of the totem pole, while men are
free to rise to the top, women have a better understanding of men than do men of
women. This is based on the fact that women know where they want to go, so they
must learn the ways of a man and pay attention to details that will affect them.
Everything a man of power does could potentially affect the life of a woman he has
power over. Because men make most of the decisions in today's world, they have
little need to pay attention to the lives of women and what it is to be in this
"lower status" situation. This is the point that Harding and Wood are making by
saying that, "when people speak from the opposite sides of power relations, the
perspective from the lives of the less powerful can provide a more objective vt
because of their competitive nature whereas women see conflicts as a threat to
their connection with others.
The final theory dealing with gender issues in communication is the Muted Group
Theory founded to Cheris Kramarae. The main focus of this theory is that women as
a whole are not allowed to speak what they really feel -- they must adjust what
they speak in order to fit the understanding of a man's society. Most women are
not in many positions of power which allows for a rare opportunity to speak their
voices without being muted by the higher group (men). This Theory is very similar
to the Standpoint Theory in that it states that because men are in a higher power
situation, they often don't take the time to recognize the language of women and
therefore mute and disregard them with their own thoughts and feelings. Kramarae
even goes so far as to state that mainstream communication should instead be
called malestream communication. The section also talks about men as gatekeepers
of media and communication. This shows that men control the language that is being
seen and heard around the country and this causes people in general to adapt to
what these men want.
I feel that the Genderlect Theory offers the best description on how men and women
communicate differently. This section describes the five types of talk which
clearly demonstrates the ways in which men and women interpret things and behave
differently in different types of situations. It demonstrates how women view
relationships and communication as leading them to a sense of belonging with
others. It also illustrates how men try to use communication to get a higher
status and never want to be threatened by a person they are talking to who may
potentially achieve more than them. This theory makes the most sense of the three
because it describes things that can be seen in everyday life at people of all
ages. Being younger and not involved directly in the business world yet, it is
hard for me to understand and see the ways men may take advantage of or "mute"
women in these situations. I most definitely believe that it happens, however, I
have not had any first hand experience with how this affects the styles of
communication between and amongst men and women. What makes Genderlect Styles
easier to understand is that it deals with public and private conversation,
telling stories, listening, asking questions, and conflict; all of which most
people deal with on an everyday basis. I believe that the Muted Group Theory and
the Standpoint Theory have good, believable basic concepts and ideas, but
Genderlect Styles does a better job of relating the theory to everyday life and
really picking at the differences between men and women.
The theory of Genderlect Styles also seems to offer the best solutions for solving
the communication problems faced between the sexes. The view that Tannen takes on
working out the differences in communication styles seems the most realistic and
the one that would produce the greatest results. Tannen claims that the most
effective way of solving the dispute of language between males and females is "for
both men and women to try and take each other on their own terms rather than
applying the standards of one group to the behavior of the other." This simply
states that both sexes must be willing to make a compromise and make an effort to
understand the way the other thinks, feels, and behaves. Tannen also states very
rightly, "Understanding style differences for what they are takes the sting out of
them." Tannen explains that one way to measure whether or not we are beginning to
understand and take on the language of the other is noticing a drop in hearing the
phrase, "you just don't understand." The Standpoint Theory also did a decent job
in speaking of possible solutions for these differences, but they were not the
type of thing that an everyday person can do. Harding suggests that research
should be started from the viewpoints of women in order to achieve a better
understanding of the world in general. She believes that this will force members
of the dominant side to see the views of the weakened sex. I do not think,
however, that starting research from the point of view of women will do much at
all for a society in general. The results would require men to take the time to
look at these research projects, understand them, and take the effort to apply
them to their own lives. In today's world, I just don't see that being very
practical. The Muted Group Theory does not offer a whole lot as far as a way of
changing the world in this area. Kramarae suggests that dictionaries should adapt
more words that apply directly to women, and should eliminate any definitions that
imply sexism in any way. I don't think that changing some definitions in a
dictionary or adding a few words will do anything to the vast majority of people.
I hardly doubt anyone would much notice a difference at all. This is why I feel,
without a doubt, that the Genderlect Styles Theory proposes the optimum solutions
for the differences in language and communication styles amongst the sexes.
All three of the theories that examined the differences between male and female
communication provided good examples and ideas as to why there are these
differences and what we can do to solve them. Nevertheless, the Genderlect Styles
Theory most definitely had the best depiction of the variations between the sexes
and also the best and most realistic solutions for overcoming this communication
barrier. If society wants to take a step at understanding these discrepancies and
doing something about them, the Genderlect Styles Theory would be my most highly
recommended place to start.