I N T R OD U C I N G

NE U R O- L I NG U I S T I C
P R OG R A MMI N G
Like the creative composer, some peopl e are more gifted at l i vi ng than
others. The y do have an effect on those around t hem, but the process
stops there because there i s no way of descri bi ng i n techni cal terms
just what it is they do, most of whi ch is out of awareness. Some t i me
i n the future, a l ong, l ong t i me from now when cul ture i s more
compl et el y expl ored, there will be an equi val ent of musi cal scores that
can be l earned, each for a different type of man or woman in different
types of j obs or rel ati onshi ps, for ti me, space, work, and play. We see
peopl e who are successful and happy today, who have j obs whi ch are
rewardi ng and producti ve. What are the sets, isolates, and patterns
that differentiate their lives from those of the less fortunate? We need
to have a means for maki ng life a little less haphazard and more
enjoyabl e.
Edward T. Hal l
The Sikm Language
I NT R ODUCI NG
NE UR O- L I NGUI S T I C
P R OGR AMMI NG
PSYCHOLOGICAL SKILLS FOR
UNDERSTANDING AND INFLUENCING PEOPLE
Joseph O' Connor and
John Seymour
Forward by Robert Diks and preface by ]ohn Grinder
fl yf Aquari an/ Thorsons
HHI An Imprint of 1 hipeiCo[\iasPublishen
To all pragmati c i deal i sts and the spirit of curi osi ty
The Aquarian Press
An Imprint of HarperCollinsAiWiJ^r;
77-85 Fulham Palace Road,
Hammersmith, London W6 8JB
1160 Battery Street
San Francisco, California 94111-1213
Published by Mandala 1990
This revised edition published by The Aquarian Press, 1993
1 3 5 7 9 1 0 8 6 4 2
Joseph O'Connor and John Seymour 1990
Joseph O'Connor and John Seymour assert the moral right
be identified as the authors of this work
A catalogue record for this book
is available from the British Library
ISBN 1 85538 344 6
Phototypeset by Harper Phototypesetters Limited,
Northampton, England
Printed in Great Britain by
Mackays, Chatham, Kent
All rights reserved. No pan of this publication may be
reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted,
in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical,
photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior
permission of the publishers.
C O N T E N T S
Foreword by Robert Dilis
Preface by John Grinder
Introduction
Introduction to the Second Edition
XI
xii
x
C H A P T E R 1
Sets a cont ext and maps out the mai n i deas of NLP; how we get from
our present reality to where we want to go, out comes, communi cat i on,
how to gai n rapport, and how we bui l d our uni que ways of
underst andi ng the world.
What is Neuro- Li ngui st i c Programmi ng? 1
Sant a Cruz, Cal i forni a, 1972 2
Sant a Cruz, 1976 3
Maps and Filters 4
Learni ng, Unl earni ng and Rel earni ng 6
The Three Mi nut e Semi nar 8
Out c ome s 10
Present State and Desi red State 15
Communi c at i on 15
Rapport 19
Paci ng and Leadi ng 21
C H A P T E R 2
Deal s wi th how we use our senses i nternal l y t o think, how l anguage
rel ates to t hought , and how you c an tell the way i n whi ch other peopl e
are thi nki ng.
The Doors of Percepti on 25
Representati onal Syst ems 26
Preferred Representati onal Sys t ems 29
Language and Representati onal Syst ems 30
Predi cates 31
Lead Syst em 32
Synesthesi as, Overl ap and Transl ati on TA
Eye Accessi ng Cues 35
Ot her Accessi ng Cues 39
Submodal i t i es 41
C H A P T E R 3
Deal s wi th our states of mi nd, how they are evoked, and how we can
use these stimuli or anchors to gai n access to our resourceful states
of mi nd at will.
Physi ol ogi cal States and Emot i onal Ereedom 49
El i ci tati on 51
Cal i brati on 52
Anchors 53
Resource Anchori ng 56
Chai ni ng Anchors 60
Col l apsi ng Anchors 61
Change Personal Hi st ory 62
Future Paci ng 64
Ne w Behavi our Generat or 66
C H A P T E R 4
Thi s i s about t hi nki ng i n terms of systems rather than si mpl e cause
and effect. It cont ai ns some of Robert Di l t s' recent work, how
envi ronment , behavi our, capability, beliefs and i denti ty fit together.
Loops and Syst ems 67
Learni ng Loops 71
Failure to Feedback 72
Level s of Learni ng 73
Descri pt i ons of Real i t y 75
Triple Descri pt i on 76
Robert Di l t s' Uni fi ed Fi el d of NLP 77
Beliefs 83
C H A P T E R 5
Descri bes how l anguage sets limits on our experi ence and how we can
go beyond those l i mi ts. The Me t a Model patterns are a way of aski ng
key questi ons to clarify what peopl e say.
C H A P T E R 6
How to use l anguage in artfully vague ways that accord wi th other
peopl e' s experi ence and al l ows t hem access to their unconsci ous
resources - called the Mi l t on Model after the world famous
hypnotherapi st, Mi l t on Eri ckson, There is a secti on on metaphor,
anot her on changi ng the meani ng of experi ence, and a third on how
we percei ve t i me subjectively.
Upt i me and Downt i me 111
The Mi l t on Model 113
Paci ng and Leadi ng 114
The Search for Me ani ng 115
Di stracti on and Uti l i zati on of the Cons ci ous Mi nd 116
Left and Ri ght Brai n Hemi s pheres 118
Accessi ng the Uncons ci ous and Resources 119
Met aphor 121
The Pri nce and the Magi ci an 125
Ref rami ng and the Transformati on of Me ani ng 126
Cont ext Ref rami ng 129
Words and Meani ngs
Thi nki ng Out Loud
Maki ng Sense of Words - The Me t a Model
Sayi ng it all - The De e p Structure
Unspeci f i ed Nouns
Unspeci f i ed Verbs
Compari s ons
Judge me nt s
Nomi nal i zat i ons
Modal Operat ors of Possibility
Modal Operat ors of Necessi t y
Uni versal Quanti fi ers
Compl ex Equi val ence
Presupposi ti ons
Caus e and Effect
Mi nd Readi ng
87
89
90
91
92
93
94
95
95
96
98
99
101
101
102
104
Cont ent Ref rami ng 129
Intenti on and Behavi our 130
Si x Step Ref rami ng 131
Ti mel i nes 134
In Ti me and Through Ti me 137
Tal ki ng wi th Ti me 139
C H A P T E R 7
Expl ores more NLP patterns, i ncl udi ng conflict, al i gnment , val ues
and flexibility i n the context of busi ness. How to make meet i ngs run
more effectively and how to reach agreement i n difficult si tuati ons.
Confl i ct and Congruence 141
Identi fyi ng your Congruence Si gnal 142
Identi fyi ng your Incongruence Si gnal 142
Val ues and Cri teri a 143
Hi erarchy of Cri teri a 145
Snakes and Ladders - St eppi ng Up and St eppi ng Do wn 146
Met aprograms 149
Sel l i ng 157
Frames 158
Meet i ngs 160
Negot i at i on 164
C H A P T E R 8
Focuses on NLP i n therapy and personal change, and descri bes three
classic NLP techni ques: the swi sh, the phobi a cure, and i nternal
conflict resol uti on.
Psychotherapy 169
First Order Change ] 70
The Phobi a Cure 171
The Swi sh Pattern 174
Second Order Change 176
Interna] Confl i ct 3 76
C H A P T E R 9
Thi s chapter i s about our t hi nki ng strategi es. There are s ome practical
exampl es, i ncl udi ng the f amous NLP spel l i ng strategy. There i s a
strategy for musi cal memory, and a creati ve strategy model l ed on
Walt Di sney.
Learni ng as Model l i ng 179
Ho w NLP Model l i ng Began 179
Model l i ng 181
Beliefs 183
Physi ol ogy 184
Strategi es 185
A Reci pe for Success 185
Mus i c Strategy 188
Me mor y Strategy 189
Spel l i ng Strategy 192
Strategy for Creati vi ty 194
Back t o Model l i ng 198
NLP, Model l i ng and Accel erated Learni ng 202
User' s Gui de 203
E P I L O G U E
Thi s i s a brief, specul ati ve expl orati on of how NLP
reflects change i n our cul ture; how the process of
change i n the i nternal world of our t hought s reflects
the i ncreasi ng rate of change i n the external worl d. 205
R E F E R E N C E S E C T I O N
A source of practical i nformati on and advi ce on choosi ng NLP books
and courses.
Investi ng in Yourself 209
Choos i ng NLP Trai ni ng 212
NLP Organi zat i ons Worl dwi de 214
A Gui de to NLP Books 227
NLP Resources Gui de 239
NLP Gl ossary 240
Index 248
About the Authors 253
F O R E WO R D
It i s al ways a pl easure to see dedi cat ed and seri ous st udent s of NLP
put their tal ents to work. In this case, Joseph O' Connor and John
Seymour have done an exqui si te j ob i n present i ng f undament al NLP
pri nci pl es and tool s i n an easi l y accessible form. The book i s wri tten
in an enjoyable conversati onal manner yet manages to preserve the
richness and sophi sti cati on of the material it is portrayi ng - thus
sati sfyi ng Al bert Ei nstei n' s famous di ct um, ' Everythi ng shoul d be
made as si mpl e as possible, but not any simpler.'
More i mportantl y, this book provi des an up-to-daU i ntroducti on and
overvi ew of NLP, i ncorporati ng the latest devel opment s i n the fi el d
as well as revi ewi ng the most i mportant NLP basics. Congrat ul at i ons
to t wo peopl e who are hel pi ng to lay the groundwork for NLP i n the
next decade!
Robert B. Di l ts
Sant a Cruz, Cal i forni a
De c e mbe r 1989
P RE F ACE
Reasonabl e me n adapt themsel ves to the world.
Unreasonabl e men adapt the worl d to themsel ves.
That ' s why all progress depends on unreasonabl e me n
George Bernard Shaw
Hi story, when recorded, has much i n c o mmo n wi th the song of the
purveyor of the latest miracle cure, the di pl omat and the apol ogi st.
How could i t be otherwi se?
Th e oral tradi ti ons of peopl e i n i ntact cul tures before orthographi es
are i ntroduced are bot h a comfort and a chal l enge to t hem: a comfort
in their orderl i ness and the i mperati ve flow of events; a chal l enge to
the si ngers who bear wi tness to the chaos that ul ti matel y mus t fit the
met er and l ength of their chant ed chroni cl e. No doubt , after a ti me,
bl essed amnesi a steals upon t hem and they si ng wi th utter convi cti on.
Gregory Bate son warns us of the lethal tri angl e of technol ogy, the
propensi ty of our speci es to repl ace natural l i vi ng physical context (the
forests of the Amaz on Basi n) wi th artificial cont ext (the streets of Ne w
York), and consci ous pl anni ng wi t hout the bal ance of unconsci ous
process. Tom Mal l oy (i n hi s brilliant novel The Curtain of Dawn) corrects
t he speech i mpedi ment of Charl es Darwi n who said 'survival of the
fi ttest' where he woul d have spoken less falsely to have sai d 'survival
of the fitters'.
The s e two me n, O' Connor and Seymour, have set out to make a
coherent story out of an out rageous adventure. The j ungl es through
whi ch Ri chard and I wandered i n our expl orati ons are bizarre and
wondrous. Thes e f i ne and wel l - i nt ent i oned me n will show you
gl i mpses of an Engl i sh rose garden, t ri mmed and proper. Both the
j ungl e and the rose garden carry thei r own special attractions.
What you are about to read never happened, but i t seems
reasonabl e, even to me.
John Gri nder
De c e mbe r 1989
I N T R OD U C T I ON
Thi s book i s an i ntroducti on and gui de to the fi el d known as Neuro-
Li ngui st i c Programmi ng, or NLP. NLP i s the art and sci ence of
excel l ence, deri ved from s t udyi ng how top peopl e i n different fi el ds
obtai n their out st andi ng results. Thes e communi cat i on skills can be
l earned by anyone to i mprove thei r effectiveness both personal l y and
professionally.
Thi s book describes many of t he model s of excel l ence that NLP has
bui l t i n the fi el ds of communi cat i on, busi ness, educat i on and therapy.
The approach is practical, it gets results, and it is i ncreasi ngl y
influential in many di sci pl i nes all over the world.
NLP cont i nues to grow and generate new i deas. We, the writers,
are aware that in contrast, books are fixed and static. Every book is
a st at ement relative to the ti me it was wri tten. It is a snapshot of the
subject. However, just because a person will be different t omorrow is
no reason not to take a phot ograph today.
Thi nk of this book as bei ng rather like a st eppi ng stone, al l owi ng
you to expl ore new territory and cont i nue an exci ti ng lifetime journey.
It represents the authors' personal underst andi ng of NLP and i s not
a definitive or official version. Such a versi on will never exi st, by the
very nature of NLP. Thi s i s an i ntroducti on and we have made many
choi ces about what to i ncl ude and what to leave out. The result i s one
of many possi bl e ways to organi ze the materi al .
NLP i s a model of how i ndi vi dual s structure their uni que
experi ences of life. It is onl y one way to think about and organi ze the
fantastic and beautiful compl exi t y of human thought and
communi cat i on. We hope that wi t h two of us wri ti ng, thi s descri pti on
of NLP will have a di mens i on of dept h, whi ch woul d not be the case
if there was onl y one author. De pt h is percei ved by focusi ng both eyes
on an object. The worl d i s flat whe n vi ewed through one eye al one.
NLP represents an atti tude of mi nd and a way of bei ng i n the worl d
that cannot adequat el y be passed on i n a book, al t hough some sense
Introduction xiii
of i t will come from readi ng bet ween the lines. The enj oyment of a
wonderful pi ece of musi c comes from l i steni ng to it, not from l ooki ng
at the score.
NLP is practical. It is a set of model s , skills and techni ques for
thi nki ng and acti ng effectively i n the world. The purpose of NLP i s
to be useful, to i ncrease choi ce and to enhance the qual i t y of life. The
most i mportant questi ons to ask about what you fi nd i n this book are,
' Is it useful? Does it work?' Fi nd out what is useful and what works
by t ryi ng it out. More i mport ant , find out where it does not work and
then change it until it does. That is the spirit of NLP.
Our ai m in wri t i ng this book is to satisfy a need that we percei ved
i n talking to the growi ng number of peopl e who are becomi ng
interested in NLP, We set out to write a book that woul d provi de an
overvi ew of the field. It woul d share our exci t ement at the i nsi ghts i nto
how peopl e think and the changes that are possible. It woul d cover
many of the most useful skills, patterns and techni ques in a way that
makes t hem readily available for use as tool s for change in a changi ng
world. After a first readi ng, it woul d cont i nue to be useful as a
reference book. It woul d gi ve practical gui dance i n buyi ng ot her NLP
books to follow up particular interests and appl i cati ons. And i t woul d
offer gui dance i n choosi ng NLP t rai ni ng courses.
Thi s ai m was so daunt i ng, gi ven the 'elusive obvi ousness' of NLP,
that nei t her of us was prepared to tackle i t on our own. Combi ni ng
our resources gave us the courage. How far we have succeeded
depends on how useful you fi nd this book.
We parti cul arl y want to encourage you to expl ore further in the field
of NLP, and to use these powerful ideas wi t h i ntegri ty and respect for
yourself and others, to create more choi ce and happi ness i n your
persona] and professional life, and in the lives of others.
We ori gi nal l y pl anned a chapter of stories about how peopl e
di scovered NLP and their experi ences usi ng it. We soon deci ded that
this woul d not work, second hand experi ence has ent ert ai nment value,
but little direct i mpact. Instead, i n the spirit of NLP, we urge you to
create your own chapter of i nteresti ng experi ences usi ng NLP.
NLP i s best experi enced live. Read the menu, and i f you like what
you read, enjoy the meal .
A phot ograph never was the person.
A st eppi ng stone is not the journey.
A musi cal score is not the sound.
There i s no magi c, onl y magi ci ans and peopl e' s percepti ons.
T H A N K S A N D A C K N O WL E D G E ME N T S
We woul d like to thank many peopl e for i nspi rati on and hel p wi th this
hook.
First, we want to gi ve credit and recogni ti on to the ori gi nators of
NLP, Ri chard Bandl er and John Grinder.
We woul d also like to thank John Gri nder for readi ng the
manuscri pt , gi vi ng very useful feedback whi ch we have i ncorporated,
and for wri ti ng the preface.
We also want to give credit and recogni ti on to the many other
peopl e who extended the i deas, especi al l y Robert Di l ts, who has been
influential i n devel opi ng NLP i n many di recti ons over the past decade.
Our thanks and appreci ati on to Robert for permi ssi on to use his
materi al on strategies and the Uni f i ed Field. He has been parti cul arl y
helpful, given freely of his ide;ts and has i nspi red us greatly.
Davi d Gaster has al so gi ven us a great deal of hel p and
encouragement wi t h this book. Thank you Davi d, may your flights
always bri ng you joy.
We woul d also like to thank Sue Qui l l i am and Ian Grove- St evenson,
for setti ng us on the right track at the begi nni ng.
Our thanks t o Norah McCul l agh for muc h typi ng, t o Francis Vi ne
for research, to Mi chael Breen for his hel p in compi l i ng the
i nformati on on NLP books, and t o Carol e Mari e and Rut h Trevenna
for suggesti ons and encouragement at difficult ti mes.
Many thanks to Ei l een Campbel l and El i zabeth Hut chi ns at
Thorsons, for thei r support and concern.
Our acknowl edgement s t o John Fowles and Ant hony Shei l
Associ ates Ltd for permi ssi on to quote ' The Pri nce and the Magi ci an'
from The Magus by John Fowles, publ i shed by Jonat han Cape and
Sons.
And lastly we owe a debt of gratitude to the inventors of that
wonderful machi ne, the Maci nt osh computer, for maki ng the actual
wri t i ng of this book so much easier.
Jos eph O' Connor
John Seymour
August 1989
I N T R OD U C T I ON TO THE
S E C O N D E DI T I ON
Ri ght from the begi nni ng, i t was our i ntenti on systemati cal l y to
update this book. We want to keep i t al i gned wi th NLP, whi ch i s
spreadi ng and shifting its boundari es. By its very nature it will never
stay static. So it is wi th great pl easure that we have worked on this
new edi ti on. The original edi t i on real i zed a dream we had, and the
feedback has i ndi cated that we largely met our out come: the book i s
now establ i shed as a useful i ntroducti on and overvi ew of the field. Thi s
new edi ti on conti nues that dream.
We have made al arge number of small changes and a small number
of large ones. The first we hope will make a overall difference and add
to the qual i t y The large changes are the addi ti on of new material
and an updat ed resources secti on. There i s a secti on now on
met aprograms. Thes e patterns are comi ng more to the fore, especi al l y
in a busi ness context, so the book needs to reflect this. We have
expanded the beliefs chapter, and the model l i ng secti on of the last
chapter, and woul d like especi al l y to thank Mi chael Nei l l for his
contri buti on to these last two.
The NLP Organi zat i ons Worl dwi de secti on has been an obvi ous
candi date for updat i ng. It has been revi sed and expanded to bri ng in
the many new NLP Institutes that have grown up all over the worl d
in the last two years. Our l i sti ng is as comprehensi ve and accurate as
we can make i t at this time. NLP has grown so rapi dl y i n Germany
that a whol e book has been publ i shed that i s devot ed to l i sti ng German
NLP Insti tutes and trainers. Rat hert han dupl i cate this work, we have
referred to this book in the listing.
NLP books cont i nue to be publ i shed at a rapid rate, so this may
be the last edi t i on in whi ch we will have space to make a list wi th brief
comment s as a gui de.
Changi ng the mai n text of the book has been more difficult than
we i magi ned. NLP i s like a hol ogram. Every part connect s to every
other part. It is a systemi c model . To the extent that this book mirrors
the systemi c nature, changi ng one part has meant others need to be
changed too i n sympat hy as the reverberati ons echo down the pages
and unwi nd the skein (to mi x a metaphor).
However NLP spreads, there are two i deas that stay constant. NLP
embodi es the atti tude of fasci nati on wi th peopl e. How do they do what
they do? Secondl y, the model l i ng skills: l ooki ng constantl y for
excel l ence in the worl d so you can model it and use it. Excel l ence is
all around, somet i mes so obvi ous that we mi ss it. NLP i s about always
i ncreasi ng the choi ces you have, and we understand by acti ng and
experi ment i ng, not by t hi nki ng about it.
We woul d like also to t hank Jay Erdmann and Mi chael Nei l l for
their hel p. Al so Mi chael Phillips of Anchor Point Magazine for his hel p
i n compi l i ng the NLP organi zat i on l i sti ng for Ameri ca. Al so Li z
Puttick, our edi tor at Thorsons, And finally all the many friends who
gave us feedback and suggesti ons for this revised edi t i on. Pl ease wri te
to us wi th your t hought s if you are so moved. Our address is at the
end of the book.
Jos eph O' Connor
John Seymour
Lo ndo n, J a nua r y 1993
CHAPTER
I
WH A T I S NE UR O- L I NGUI S T I C P R OG R A MMI NG ?
As I sat wonderi ng how to begi n this book, I remembered meet i ng
a friend a few days before. We had not seen each other for some t i me,
and after the usual greeti ngs, he asked me what I was doi ng. I sai d
I was wri t i ng a book.
' Great!' he said. "What is it about ?'
Wi t hout thi nki ng, I replied, ' Neuro- Li ngui st i c Programmi ng. '
There was a short but meani ngf ul silence. ' Same to you, ' he said.
' How' s the fami l y?'
In a sense my answer was both right and wrong. If I had want ed
a conversati on stopper, it worked perfectly. Thi s book does deal wi th
a way of thi nki ng about ideas and peopl e that goes by the l abel of
Neuro*Li ngui st i c Programmi ng. However, my friend wanted to know
what I was doi ng i n a way he coul d underst and and share wi th me.
And he coul d not relate my repl y to anyt hi ng he knew about. I knew
what I meant , but I di d not put it in a way he coul d underst and. My
reply di d not answer hi s real quest i on.
What then i s NLP? What are the i deas behi nd the label? The next
ti me s omeone asked me what the book was about , I sai d it was about
a way of st udyi ng how peopl e excel in any field and t eachi ng these
patterns to others.
NLP i s the art and sci ence of personal excel l ence. Art because
everyone bri ngs their uni que personal i ty and style to what they do,
and this can never be captured i n words or techni ques. Sci ence
because there is a met hod and process for di scoveri ng the patterns
used by out st andi ng i ndi vi dual s i n any fi el d to achi eve out st andi ng
results. Thi s process i s called model l i ng, and the patterns, skills and
techni ques so di scovered are bei ng used i ncreasi ngl y i n counsel l i ng,
educat i on and busi ness for more effective communi cat i on, personal
devel opment and accel erated l earni ng.
Have you ever done somet hi ng so el egantl y and effectively that i t
took your breath away? Have you had t i mes when you were really
del i ghted at what you di d and wondered how you di d it? NLP shows
you how to understand and model your own successes, so that you can
have many more of those moment s . It is a way of di scoveri ng and
unfol di ng your personal geni us, a way of bri ngi ng out the best in
yourself and others.
NLP is a practical skill that creates the results we truly want in the
world whi l e creati ng value for others in the process. It is the study of
what makes the difference bet ween the excel l ent and the average. It
also leaves behi nd a trail of ext remel y effective techni ques for
educat i on, counsel l i ng, busi ness and therapy.
S ANTA C R U Z , C A L I F OR NI A 1972
NLP started i n the early seventi es from the col l aborati on of John
Gri nder, who was then an Assi stant Professor of linguistics at the
Uni versi t y of Cal i forni a, Sant a Cruz, and Ri chard Bandier, who was
a student of psychol ogy at the university. Ri chard Bandi er was also
very interested in psychotherapy. Together they studi ed three top
therapists: Fritz Perls, the i nnovati ve psychotherapi st and ori gi nator
of the school of therapy known as Gestal t, Vi rgi ni a Satir, the
extraordi nary fami l y therapist, who consi stentl y was able to resolve
difficult fami l y rel ati onshi ps that many other therapists f ound
i ntractabl e, and Mi l t on Eri ckson, the worl d- f amous hypnotherapi st.
Bandi er and Gri nder di d not i nt end to start a new school of therapy,
but to identify patterns used by out st andi ng therapi sts, and pass them
on to others. The y di d not concern themsel ves wi th theori es; they
produced model s of successful therapy that worked in practice and
coul d be taught. The three therapists they model l ed were very
different personal i ti es, yet they used surpri si ngl y si mi l ar underl yi ng
patterns. Bandi er and Gri nder took these patterns, refined t hem and
built an el egant model whi ch can be used for effective communi cat i on,
personal change, accel erated l earni ng, and, of course, greater
enjoyment of life. The y set down their initial discoveries i n four books,
publ i shed bet ween 1975 and 1977: The Structure of Magic I and 2 and
Patterns I and 2, two books on Eri ckson' s hypnot herapy work. NLP
literature has been growi ng at an i ncreasi ng rate ever since.
At that ti me John and Ri chard were l i vi ng very close to Gregory
Bateson, the Bri ti sh anthropol ogi st and writer on communi cat i on and
SANTA C R U Z , 1976
In the spri ng of 1976 John and Ri chard were in a l og cabi n, hi gh in
the hills above Sant a Cruz, pul l i ng together the i nsi ghts and
discoveries that t hey had made. Towards the e nd of a marat hon 36
hour sessi on, they sat down wi th a bot de of Cal i forni an red wi ne, and
asked themsel ves, ' What on earth shall we call thi s?'
The result was Neuro- Li ngui st i c Programmi ng, a cumbers ome
phrase that covers three si mpl e i deas. The ' Neuro' part of NLP
acknowl edges the f undament al i dea that all behavi our stems from our
neurol ogi cal processes of sight, heari ng, smell, taste, touch and
feeling. We experi ence the world through our fi ve senses; we make
' sense' of the i nformati on and t hen act on it. Our neurol ogy covers
not onl y our i nvi si bl e thought processes, but also our visible
physi ol ogi cal reacti ons to ideas and events. One si mpl y reflects the
other at the physical level. Body and mi nd form an i nseparabl e unity,
a human bei ng.
The ' Li ngui sti c' part of the title i ndi cates that we use l anguage to
order our thoughts and behavi our and to communi cat e wi th others.
The ' Programmi ng' refers to ways we can choose to organi ze our ideas
and acti ons to produce results.
NLP deal s wi th the structure of human subjective experi ence;
how we organi ze what we see hear and feel, and how we edi t
and fi l ter the outsi de worl d through our senses. It al so expl ores
systems theory. Bateson hi msel f had written on many different topics
- bi ol ogy, cyberneti cs, ant hropol ogy and psychotherapy. He is best
known for devel opi ng the doubl e bi nd theory of schi zophreni a. Hi s
contri buti on to NLP was profound. Perhaps onl y now i s i t becomi ng
clear exactl y how influential he was.
From these initial model s, NLP devel oped i n two compl ement ary
di recti ons. Firstly, as a process to di scover the patterns of excel l ence
in any field. Secondl y, as the effective ways of thi nki ng and
communi cat i ng used by out st andi ng peopl e. The s e patterns and skills
can be used in their own right, and al so feed back into the model l i ng
process to make it even more powerful. In 1977 John and Ri chard were
gi vi ng very successful public semi nars all over Ameri ca. NLP grew
quickly; i n Ameri ca to date, more than 100, 000 peopl e have done some
form of NLP trai ni ng.
how we descri be i t i n l anguage and how we act, bot h i ntenti onal l y and
uni ntenti onal l y, to produce results.
MAP S A N D FI LTERS
What ever the out si de worl d i s really like, we use our senses to expl ore
and map it. The worl d i s an infinity of possi bl e sense i mpressi ons and
we are abl e to percei ve onl y a very small part of it. That part we can
percei ve i s further filtered by our uni que experi ences, cul ture,
l anguage, beliefs, val ues, interests and assumpt i ons. Everyone lives i n
thei r uni que reality bui l t from their sense i mpressi ons and i ndi vi dual
experi ences of life, and we act on the basis of what we percei ve our
model of the world.
The worl d is so vast and rich that we have to simplify to give it
meani ng. Ma p maki ng is a good anal ogy for what we do; it is how
we make meani ng of the world. Maps are selective, they leave out as
well as give i nformati on, and they are i nval uabl e for expl ori ng the
territory. The sort of map you make depends on what you noti ce, and
where you want to go.
The map is not the territory it describes. We attend to those aspects
of the world that interest us and ignore others. The world is always
richer than the i deas we have about it. The fi l ters we put on our
percepti ons det ermi ne what sort of worl d we live in. There is a story
of Pi casso bei ng accosted by a stranger who asked hi m why he did not
paint thi ngs as they really are.
Pi casso l ooked puzzl ed. ' I do not really understand what you mean, '
he replied.
The man produced a phot ograph of his wife. 'Look,' he said, 'like
that. That ' s what my wife really looks like.'
Pi casso l ooked doubtful . ' She is very smal l , is she not? And a little
bit flat?'
An artist, a l umberjack and a botani st taki ng a stroll through a
wood will have very different experi ences and noti ce very different
thi ngs. If you go through the worl d l ooki ng for excel l ence, you will
find excel l ence. If you go through the worl d l ooki ng for probl ems you
will find probl ems. Or as the Arabi c sayi ng puts it, ' What a piece of
bread looks like depends on whet her you are hungry or not.'
Very narrow beliefs, interests and percepti ons will make the worl d
i mpoveri shed, predi ctabl e and dull. The very same worl d can be ri ch
and exci ti ng. The difference lies not in the worl d, but in the filters
through whi ch we percei ve it.
We have many natural , useful and necessary filters. Language i s a
filter. It is a map of our thoughts and experi ences, removed a further
level from t he real worl d. Thi nk for a mome nt what the word ' beaut y'
means t o you. No doubt you have memori es and experi ences, i nternal
pictures, sounds and feelings that let you make sense of that word.
Equally, s omeone el se will have different memori es and experi ences
and will think about that word in a different way. Who is right? Bot h
of you, each wi thi n your own reality. The word i s not the experi ence
it descri bes, yet peopl e will fight and somet i mes even di e bel i evi ng the
map is the territory.
Our beliefs al so act as fi l ters, causi ng us to act i n certai n ways and
to noti ce some thi ngs at the expense of others. NLP offers one way
of thi nki ng about ourselves and the world; it is itself a filter. To use
NLP you do not have to change any of your beliefs or val ues, but
si mpl y be curi ous and prepared to experi ment . All general i zati ons
about peopl e are lies to somebody, because everyone i s uni que. So
NLP does not cl ai m to be objectively true. It i s a model , and model s
are meant to be useful. There are some basic ideas in NLP that are
very useful. We invite you to behave as if they are true and noti ce the
difference that makes. By changi ng your fi l ters, you can change your
world.
Some of the NLP basic fi l ters are often referred to as Behavioural
Frames. Thes e are ways of t hi nki ng about how you act. The fi rst i s an
ori entati on towards outcomes rather than problems. Thi s means fi ndi ng
out what you and others want, fi ndi ng what resources you have, and
usi ng these resources to move towards your goal. The probl em
ori entati on i s often referred to as the ' Bl ame Frame' . Thi s means
anal ysi ng what i s wrong i n great detail. It means aski ng quest i ons like:
' Why do I have this probl em? How does it l i mi t me? Whos e fault is
it?' The s e sorts of questi ons do not usual l y l ead anywhere useful.
Aski ng t hem will leave you feel i ng worse than when you started, and
does not hi ng towards sol vi ng the probl em.
The second frame is to ask How rather than Why questi ons. Ho w
questi ons will get you an underst andi ng of the structure of a probl em.
Why quest i ons are likely to get you justi fi cati ons and reasons wi t hout
changi ng anythi ng.
The third frame is Feedback versus Failure. There is no such thi ng as
failure, onl y results. Thes e can be used as feedback, hel pful
correcti ons, a spl endi d opport uni t y to l earn s omet hi ng you had not
noti ced. Failure is just a way of descri bi ng a result you di d not want.
You can use t he results you get to redirect your efforts. Feedback keeps
the goal in view. Failure is a dead end. Two very similar words, yet
they represent two totally different ways of thi nki ng.
The fourth frame is to consi der Possibilities rather than Necessities.
Agai n thi s is a shift in focus. Look at what you can do, what choi ces
are available, rather than the constrai nts of a si tuati on. Often the
barriers are l ess formi dabl e than they appear.
Finally, NLP adopts an atti tude of Curiosity and Fascination rather
than maki ng Assumptions, Thi s is a very si mpl e i dea and has profound
consequences. Young chi l dren learn t remendousl y quickly, and they
do i t by bei ng curi ous about everythi ng. The y do not know and they
know they do not know, so they are not worried about l ooki ng stupi d
if they ask. After all, once upon a t i me, everybody ' knew' the earth
went round the sun, that somet hi ng heavi er than air coul d not fly, and
of course to run a mi l e in less than four mi nut es was physi ol ogi cal l y
i mpossi bl e. Change i s the onl y constant.
Anot her useful i dea is that we all have, or can create, the inner
resources we need to achi eve our goal s. You are more l i kel y to succeed
if you act as if this were true than if you act the opposi te.
L E A R N I N G , U N L E A R N I N G A N D R E L E A R N I N G
Al t hough we can consci ousl y take in onl y a very small amount of the
i nformati on the worl d offers us, we notice and respond to much more
wi thout bei ng aware, Our consci ous mi nd i s very l i mi ted and seems
able to keep track of a ma x i mum of seven variables or pi eces of
i nformati on at one ti me.
Thi s i dea was outl i ned i n 1956 by the Ameri can psychol ogi st George
Mi l l er in a classic paper called The Magic Number Seven, Plus or Minus
Tim. Thes e pi eces of i nformati on do not have a fixed size, they can
be anyt hi ng from dri vi ng a car to l ooki ng i n the rear-vi ew mirror. One
way we l earn i s by consci ousl y mast eri ng smal l pi eces of behavi our,
and combi ni ng them i nto larger and larger chunks, so they become
habi tual and unconsci ous. We form habi ts so we are free to noti ce
other thi ngs.
So our consci ousness i s l i mi t ed to seven pl us or mi nus two pi eces
of i nformati on, either from the internal world of our thoughts, or from
the external world. Our unconsci ous, by contrast, i s all the l i fe-gi vi ng
processes of our body, all that we have l earned, our past experi ences,
and all that we mi ght noti ce, but do not , i n the present moment . The
unconsci ous i s much wi ser t han the consci ous mi nd. The i dea of bei ng
able to underst and an i nfi ni tel y compl ex worl d wi t h a consci ous mi nd
that can onl y hol d about seven pi eces of i nformati on at once, i s
obvi ousl y l udi crous.
The not i on of consci ous and unconsci ous i s central to this model
of how we learn. In NLP, s omet hi ng is consci ous when it is in present
moment awareness, as thi s sent ence i s right now. Somet hi ng i s
unconsci ous when i t i s not i n present mome nt awareness. The
background noi ses that you can hear were probabl y unconsci ous until
you read this sentence. The me mor y of your first sight of snow i s
almost certai nl y out of consci ous awareness. If you have ever hel ped
a young child learn to ride a bicycle, you will be aware of just how
unconsci ous that skill has become i n yourself. And the process of
turni ng your last meal i nto hair and toenai l s is likely to remai n forever
unconsci ous. We live in a cul ture whi ch believes that we do most of
what we do consci ousl y. Yet most of what we do, and what we do best,
we do unconsci ousl y.
The traditional vi ew is that l earni ng a skill di vi des i nto four stages.
First there i s unconsci ous i ncompet ence. Not onl y do you not know
how to do somet hi ng, but you don' t know you don' t know. Never
havi ng dri ven a car for exampl e, you have no idea what it is like.
So you start to learn. You very soon di scover your l i mi tati ons. You
have some l essons and consci ousl y attend to all the i nstruments, steer,
co-ordi nate the cl utch, and watch the road. It demands all your
attenti on, you are not yet compet ent , and you keep to the back streets.
Thi s i s the stage of consci ous i ncompet ence whe n you grind the gears,
oversteer and give cyclists heart attacks. Al t hough this stage is
uncomfortabl e, (especi al l y for cyclists), it is the stage when you learn
the most.
Thi s l eads you to the stage of consci ous compet ence. You can drive
the car, but it takes all your concentrati on. You have l earned the skill,
but have not yet mastered it.
Lastly, and the goal of the endeavour, is unconsci ous compet ence.
All those little patterns that you l earned so pai nst aki ngl y bl end
together i nto one smoot h uni t of behavi our. The n you can listen to
the radio, enjoy the scenery and hold a conversati on at the same t i me
as dri vi ng. Your consci ous mi nd sets the out come and leaves it to your
unconsci ous mi nd to carry it out , freei ng your attenti on for other
things.
If you practi se somet hi ng for l ong enough you will reach this fourth
stage and form habi ts. At this poi nt the skill has become unconsci ous.
However, the habi ts may not be the most effective ones for the task.
Our filters may have caus ed us t o mi ss some i mportant i nformati on
en route t o unconsci ous compet ence.
Suppose you play a passabl e game of tenni s, and wish to i mprove.
The coach woul d probabl y watch you play, then start changi ng such
thi ngs as your footwork, how you hol d the racquet, and the way you
bri ng the racquet through the air. In other words he woul d take what
was for you one piece of behavi our - hi tti ng a forehand drive - break
i t down i nt o some of its component parts, and then rebui l d i t so you
hit a better forehand drive. You woul d go backwards through the
l earni ng stages to consci ous i ncompet ence and you woul d be
unl earni ng before rel earni ng. The onl y reason to do this i s to bui l d
i n new choi ces, more efficient patterns.
The s ame happens i n l earni ng NLP, We al ready have
communi cat i on and l earni ng skills. NLP offers to refine your skills
and give you more choi ces and more fl exi bi l i ty about usi ng t hem.
The Four Stages of Learning
1. Uncons ci ous Incompet ence
2. Cons ci ous Incompet ence
3. Cons ci ous Compet ence
4. Uncons ci ous Compet ence
Unlearning is 4 to 2
Releammg is 2 back to 4 wi th more choi ces
We shall be expl ori ng different model s of l earni ng later i n the book,
THE THRE E MI NUT E S E MI NAR
If NLP were ever to be presented i n a three mi nut e semi nar, i t woul d
go s omet hi ng like this. The presenter woul d walk on and say, ' Ladi es
and gent l emen, to be successful in life you need onl y remember three
thi ngs.
'Firstly, know what you want; have a clear i dea of your out come
i n any si tuati on.
' Secondl y, be alert and keep your senses open so that you noti ce
what you are getti ng.
'Thirdly, have the fl exi bi l i ty to keep changi ng what you do unti l you
get what you want. '
He woul d t hen write on the board:
Out come
Acuity
Flexibility
and leave.
End of seminar.
First i s the skill of knowi ng your out come. If you do not know where
you are goi ng, it makes it hard to get there.
An i mportant part of NLP i s t rai ni ng i n sensory acuity: where to
place your attenti on and how to change and enl arge your fi l ters so that
you notice thi ngs that you had not noti ced previously, It is present
mome nt sensory awareness. Whe n communi cat i ng wi th others, thi s
means not i ci ng the small but crucial si gnal s that let you know how
they are respondi ng. Whe n thi nki ng, that is, communi cat i ng wi th
yourself, i t means hei ght ened awareness of your i nternal i mages,
sounds and feel i ngs.
You need the acui ty or sensi ti vi ty to noti ce i f what you are doi ng
is getti ng you what you want, If what you are doi ng is not worki ng,
do s omet hi ng el se, anyt hi ng else. You need to hear, see and feel what
is happeni ng and have a choi ce of responses,
NLP ai ms t o give peopl e more choi ce about what they do. Havi ng
onl y one way of doi ng thi ngs i s no choi ce at all. Somet i mes i t will work
and somet i mes i t won' t, so there will always be si tuati ons you cannot
cope wi th. Two choi ces will put you in a di l emma. Havi ng a choi ce
means bei ng abl e to use a mi ni mum of three approaches. In any
i nteracti on, the person who has the most choi ces of what to do, the
greatest fl exi bi l i ty of behaviour, will be i n control of the si tuati on.
I f you al ways do what you' ve al ways done , you' l l al ways get
what you' ve al ways got . I f what y o u are do i ng i s not wor ki ng,
do s ome t hi ng el se.
The more choi ces, the more chance of success.
The way these skills work together i s rather like what happens whe n
you hi re a rowi ng boat to expl ore a stretch of water. You deci de where
you want to go: your initial out come. You start rowi ng and noti ce your
di recti on: sensory acuity. You compare thi s wi t h where you want to
go and if you are off course, you change di recti on. You repeat this cycle
until you reach your desti nati on.
Then you set your next desti nati on. You can change your out come
at any poi nt i n the cycle, enjoy the j ourney and l earn s omet hi ng on
the way. The course is likely to be a zi g-zag. Very rarely is there an
absol utel y clear, straight path to where you want to go.
OU T C OME S
' Woul d you tell me, pl ease, whi ch way I ought to go from here?
1
' That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the
cat.
'I don' t muc h care where . . .' said Alice.
' Then it doesn' t matter whi ch way you go,' said the cat,
Alice in Wmtkrland, Lewis Carroll
Let us begi n at the begi nni ng with out comes or goals. The more
preci sel y and posi ti vel y you can define what you want, and the more
you program your brain to seek out and noti ce possibilities, the more
likely you are to get what you want. Opport uni t i es exist whe n they
are recogni zed as opportuni ti es.
To live the life you want, you need to know what you want. Bei ng
effective i n the worl d means produci ng the results you choose. The
first step is to choose. If you do not, there are pl enty of peopl e wi l l i ng
to choose for you.
How do you know what you want? You make i t up. There are some
rules for doi ng this, so that you have the best chance of success. In
NLP l anguage, you choose a wel l -formed out come. That is, an
out come that is wel l -formed in terms of the fol l owi ng criteria.
First, it must be stated in the positive. It is easier to move towards
what you want than away from what you do not want. However, you
cannot move towards s omet hi ng i f you do not know what i t is.
As an exampl e, thi nk for a mome nt of a kangaroo.
Are you t hi nki ng of a kangaroo?
Good.
Now stop t hi nki ng of a kangaroo whi l e you finish readi ng this page.
Do not let the i dea of a kangaroo come i nto your mi nd for the next
mi nut e or so. Are you not t hi nki ng of a kangaroo?
Now think of what you will be doi ng t omorrow . , .
To get rid of that persistent kangaroo, you have to think of
s omet hi ng el se that is positive.
Thi s trick makes the poi nt that the brai n can onl y understand a
negati ve by t urni ng it i nto a positive. In order to avoid s omet hi ng you
have to know what i t i s you are avoi di ng, and keep your at t ent i on on
it. You have to think of it to know what not to think of, just as you
have to keep an object i n vi ew to avoid bumpi ng i nto it. What ever you
resist, persists. Thi s i s one reason why gi vi ng up s moki ng i s so difficult
- you conti nual l y have to think about s moki ng in order to give it up.
Secondl y, you must play an active part, the out come must be
reasonabl y wi thi n your control . Out c ome s that rely pri mari l y on other
peopl e taki ng acti on are not well formed. If peopl e do not respond the
way you want, you are stuck. Concent rat e i nstead on what you need
to do to elicit those responses. So for exampl e, i nstead of wai t i ng for
s omeone to make friends, think of what you coul d do to become
friendly wi th t hem.
Thi nk of your out come as specifically as possible. What will you
see, hear and feel? Imagi ne it through and descri be it to yourself or
write i t down i n terms of who, what, where, when, and how. The fuller
the i dea of what you want, the more your brai n can rehearse i t and
notice opportuni ti es to achi eve it. In what context do you want it? Are
there contexts where you do not want it?
How will you know that you have achi eved your out come? What
is the sensory- based evi dence that will let you know that you have what
you want? What will you see, hear and feel whe n you have achi eved
it? Some out comes are so open ended that they coul d take several
lifetimes to achieve. You mi ght also like to set a ti me limit on whe n
you wi sh to have it.
Do you have the resources to initiate and mai nt ai n the out come?
What do you need? Do you al ready have it? If not, how are you goi ng
to get it? Thi s is an issue that needs to be thoroughl y expl ored. These
resources may be i nternal , (specific skills, or posi ti ve states of mi nd) ,
or external . If you fi nd you need external resources, you may need
to set a subsi di ary out come to get t hem.
The out come needs to be an appropri ate size. It coul d be too bi g,
i n whi ch case i t needs to be split i nto several smaller, more easi l y
achi evabl e out comes. For exampl e, you mi ght set an out come to be
a top tenni s player. Thi s is obvi ousl y not goi ng to happen by next
week, i t i s t oo vague and l ong term. It needs breaki ng down i nto
smal l er chunks, so ask yourself, ' What stops me from achi evi ng thi s?'
Thi s quest i on will hi ghl i ght some obvi ous probl ems. For exampl e
you do not have a good tenni s racquet, and you need coachi ng from
a professional player. The n convert these probl ems i nto out comes by
aski ng yourself, ' What do I want i nst ead?' I need to buy a good
racquet and find a coach. A probl em is si mpl y an out come that is the
wrong way up.
You may have to go through this process several ti mes wi th a very
bi g out come before arri vi ng at a reasonabl y sized and achi evabl e first
step. Even the l ongest j ourney starts wi th the first step (i n the right
di recti on of course).
On the other hand the out come may seem too smal l and trivial to
moti vate you. For exampl e, I mi ght set out to ti dy the workroom, a
smal l and not very exci ti ng task. To bri ng some energy to this, 1 need
to forge a link wi t h a larger, more i mportant, more mot i vat i ng
out come. So I ask myself, 'If I got this out come, what woul d it do for
me?' In thi s exampl e, it mi ght be a necessary step in order to create
a worki ng space for doi ng s omet hi ng else that is much more
i nteresti ng. Havi ng made that connect i on, I can tackle the smalt
out come with energy drawn from the larger one.
The f i nal frame round choosi ng out comes i s ecology. No one exi sts
in i sol ati on; we are all part of larger systems, family, work, fri endshi p
networks, and soci ety i n general . You need to consi der the
consequences of achi evi ng your out come i n the context of these wi der
rel ati onshi ps. Woul d there be any undesi rabl e by-products? What
woul d you have to give up, or take on, to achi eve it?
For exampl e, you mi ght want more freelance work. Thi s woul d take
up more time, so you will spend less ti me wi th your family. Achi evi ng
a bi g contract mi ght i ncrease your workl oad to such an extent that
you coul d not do the j ob adequatel y. Make sure your out come i s i n
harmony wi th you as a whol e person. Out c ome s are not about get t i ng
what you want at the expense of others. The most val uabl e and
satisfying results are achi eved by negot i at i ng and co- operat i ng to
establish shared out comes where everyone wi ns. Thi s automati cal l y
takes care of the ecol ogy issue.
Thes e sorts of issues may make you revise your out come, or change
to another out come that serves the same i nt ent i on wi t hout havi ng the
undesi rabl e by-products. The classic exampl e of choosi ng an
unecol ogi cal out come was Ki ng Mi das , who want ed everything he
t ouched to turn to gold. He soon f ound this was a distinct liability.
Outcomes Summary
You can remember thi s from the mnemoni c ' POSERS' , spelt out by
the fi rst letter of the key word for each step.
Positive
Thi nk of what you want rather t han what you do not want.
Ask: ' What woul d I rather have?'
' What do I really want ?'
Own part
Thi nk of what you will acti vel y do that i s wi t hi n your control .
Ask: ' What will I be doi ng to achi eve my out come?'
' How can I start and mai nt ai n it?'
Specific
Imagi ne the out come as speci fi cal l y as you can.
Ask: ' Who, where, when, what and how, specifically?'
Evidence
Thi nk of the sensory- based evi dence that will let you know you have
got what you want.
Ask: ' What will I see, hear and feel whe n I have i t?'
' How will I know that I have it?'
Resources
Do you have adequat e resources and choi ces t o get your out come?
Ask: ' What resources do I need to get the out come?'
Size
Is the out come the right size?
If it is too large ask, ' What prevents me from get t i ng thi s?' and turn
the probl ems i nto other smal l er out comes. Make t hem sufficiently
clear and achi evabl e.
If it is t oo smal l to be mot i vat i ng, ask, 'If I got this out come what
woul d i t do for me?'
Move up unti l you relate i t to an out come that i s sufficiently large and
moti vati ng.
Ecology Frame
Check the consequences i n your life and rel ati onshi ps i f you got your
out come.
Ask:
' Who el se does this effect?'
' What woul d happen if 1 got i t?'
' If I got it straight away, woul d I take i t?'
Be sensi ti ve to your feelings of doubt that start 'Yes, but . . .'
What consi derati ons do these feel i ngs of doubt represent?
Ho w can you change your out come t o take t hem i nto account?
Now run this modi f i ed out come through the ' POSERS' process t o
check that it is still wel l -formed.
The last step is, take action.
You have to make the first move.
The j ourney of a t housand mi l es begi ns with one step.
If the out come is wel l -formed, it is achi evabl e, mot i vat i ng, and much
more l i kel y to be compel l i ng.
P RE S E NT STATE A N D DE S I RE D STATE
One way of thi nki ng about change i n busi ness, personal devel opment ,
or educat i on, is as a j ourney from a present state to a desi red state. A
probl em i s the difference bet ween the two. By setti ng an out come i n the
future, you have in a sense created a probl em in the present, and
conversely, every probl em i n the present can be changed into an out come.
"Ybur behaviour, thoughts and feelings will be different in the present state
and i n the desi red state. Tomove f r omone t ot he ot he r you need resources.
The energy for the j ourney comes from moti vati on. The desi red
state must be somet hi ng we really want, or clearly connect ed to
s omet hi ng we really want. We must al so be commi t t ed to the out come;
reservati ons often show that ecol ogy has not been taken fully i nt o
account. In short, we must want to make the journey, and believe the
goal is achi evabl e and worthwhi l e.
Skills, techni ques, and resourceful states of mi nd are the means to
achi eve the goal. The y may involve our physi ol ogy, nutri ti on, strength,
and st ami na. NLP skills are powerful resources to overcome barriers,
resistance and interference.
C O MMU N I C A T I O N
Communi c at i on is a mul ti faceted word that covers just about any
i nteracti on wi t h others: casual conversati on, persuadi ng, t eachi ng,
and negoti ati ng.
What does ' communi cat i on' mean? The word i s a static noun, but
really communi cat i on is a cycle or l oop that involves at least two
peopl e. You cannot communi cat e wi t h a waxwork dummy, what you
do i s meani ngl ess, i t gets no response. Whe n you communi cat e wi th
anot her person, you percei ve thei r response, and react wi th your own
thoughts and feel i ngs. Your ongoi ng behavi our i s generated by your
internal responses to what you see and hear. It is onl y by payi ng
attenti on to the ot her person that you have any i dea at all about what
to say or do next. Your partner is respondi ng to your behavi our in the
same way.
Enchanted Rings
You communi cat e wi t h your words, wi th your voi ce quality, and with
your body: postures, gestures, expressi ons. You cannot not
communi cat e. Some message i s conveyed even i f you say not hi ng and
keep still. So communi cat i on involves a message that passes from one
person to another. Ho w do you know that the message you give i s the
message they receive? You have probabl y had the experi ence of
maki ng a neutral remark to s omeone, and bei ng amazed at the
meani ng t hey read i nto it. Ho w can you be sure the meani ng they get
i s the me ani ng you i ntend?
There i s an i nteresti ng exerci se us ed i n NLP trai ni ng courses. You
choose a si mpl e sentence, for exampl e, ' It' s a ni ce day today', and
three basi c emot i onal messages you want to convey wi th it. You mi ght
choose to say it in a happy way, a menaci ng way, and a sarcastic way.
You say your sentence in the three ways to another person, wi t hout
telling her the three messages you wi sh to convey. She then tells you
the emot i onal messages she actual l y got from your sentence.
Somet i mes what you i ntended mat ches what she percei ved. Often i t
does not. You can then expl ore what you woul d have to do differently
wi t h your voi ce and body l anguage to ensure the message she gets i s
the same as the message you send.
Communi c at i on i s so much more t han the words we say. These form
onl y a small part of our expressi veness as human bei ngs. Research
shows that in a presentati on before a group of peopl e, 55 per cent of
the i mpact is det ermi ned by your body l anguage - posture, gestures
and eye contact - 38 per cent by your tone of voice, and onl y 7 per
cent by the cont ent of your presentati on. ( Mehrabi an and Ferris,
' Inference of Atti tudes from Nonverbal Communi cat i on i n Two
Channel s ' in The Journal of Counselling Psychology Vol. 31, 1967,
pp. 248- 52. )
The exact figures will differ i n different si tuati ons, and clearly body
l anguage and tonality make an enormous difference to the i mpact and
meani ng of what we say. It's not what we say, but how we say it that
makes the difference. Margaret That cher spent a great deal of ti me
and effort al teri ng her voice qual i ty. Tonal i ty and body l anguage
det ermi ne whether the word ' Hel l o' is a si mpl e recogni ti on, a threat,
a put down, or a delightful greeti ng. Actors do not really work wi th
words, they are trai ned i n tonality and body l anguage. Any actor
needs to be able to convey at least a doz e n different shades of meani ng
wi th the word, 'no'. All of us express many shades of meani ng i n
everyday conversati on and probabl y also have a dozen different ways
to say 'no', onl y we do not consci ousl y think about t hem.
If the words are the cont ent of the message, then the postures
gestures, expressi on, and voi ce t onal i t y are the cont ext i n whi ch the
message i s embedded, and t oget her t hey make the meani ng of the
communi cat i on.
So there i s no guarantee that t he other person underst ands the
meani ng you are tryi ng to communi cat e. The answer goes back to
out come, acui ty and flexibility. You have an out come for the
communi cat i on. You noti ce what responses you are getti ng, and you
keep changi ng what you do or say until you get the response you want.
To be an effective communi cat or, act on the pri nci pl e that:
The me a ni ng of t he c o mmuni c a t i o n i s t he res pons e t hat you get.
We constantl y use our communi cat i on skills to i nfl uence peopl e; all
therapy, management and educat i on i nvol ve i nf l uenci ng and
communi cat i on skills. There i s a paradox t hat whi l e no- one woul d be
interested in l earni ng skills that are not effective, effective skills may
be deni grated and l abel l ed as mani pul at i on, Mani pul at i on carries a
negati ve connot at i on that you are s omehow forci ng a person to do
s omet hi ng agai nst their best interests.
Thi s i s certai nl y not true of NLP, whi ch has wi s dom, choi ce and
ecol ogy built i n at a deep level. NLP i s the abi l i ty to respond effectively
to others and to understand and respect their model of the worl d.
Communi cat i on i s a l oop, what you do i nfl uences the ot her person,
and what t hey do i nfl uences you; i t cannot be otherwi se. You can take
responsi bi l i ty for your part i n the l oop. You al ready i nfl uence others,
the onl y choi ce i s whether to be consci ous or unconsci ous of the effects
you create. The onl y questi on is, can you i nfl uence wi th integrity? Is
the i nfl uence you are havi ng i n al i gnment wi t h your values? NLP
techni ques are neutral . As wi th cars, how they are used and what they
are used for depends on the skill and i nt ent i ons of the person in the
driver's seat.
R AP P OR T
How do you get i nto the communi cat i on l oop? Ho w can you respect
and appreci ate another person' s model of the worl d whi l e keepi ng
your own integrity? In educat i on, therapy, counsel l i ng, busi ness,
sel l i ng and trai ni ng, rapport or empat hy is essenti al to establ i sh an
at mosphere of trust, confi dence and parti ci pati on, wi t hi n whi ch
peopl e can respond freel y What do we do to gai n rapport wi t h peopl e,
how do we create a rel ati onshi p of trust and responsi veness, and how
can we refine and extend thi s natural skill?
To get a practical, rather than a theoreti cal answer, turn the
questi on the other way round. Ho w do you know when two peopl e
are i n rapport? As you look around i n restaurants, offices, any place
where peopl e meet and talk, how do you know whi ch peopl e have
rapport and whi ch do not?
Communi c at i on seems to flow whe n two peopl e are i n rapport, their
bodi es as well as their words mat ch each other. What we say can create
or destroy rapport, but that is onl y 7 per cent of the communi cat i on.
Body l anguage and tonal i ty are more i mportant. You may have
noti ced that peopl e who are i n rapport tend to mi rror and mat ch each
ot her in posture, gesture and eye contact. It is like a dance, where
partners respond and mi rror each other' s movement s wi th movement s
of their own. They are engaged i n a dance of mut ual responsi veness.
Thei r body l anguage i s compl ement ary.
Have you ever f ound yourself enj oyi ng a conversati on wi th
s omebody and not i ci ng that bot h your bodi es have adopt ed the same
posture? The deeper that rapport, the closer the mat ch will tend to
be. Thi s skill woul d seem to be i nborn, for newborn babi es move i n
rhyt hm wi th the voi ces of the peopl e around t hem. Whe n peopl e are
not in rapport their bodi es reflect it - whatever they are sayi ng, their
bodi es will not be mat chi ng. The y are not engaged i n the dance and
you can see it i mmedi atel y.
Successful peopl e create rapport, and rapport creates trust. You can
create rapport with whoever you wish by consci ousl y refining the
natural rapport skills that you use every day. By mat chi ng and
mi rrori ng body l anguage and tonality you can very qui ckl y gai n
rapport wi th al most anyone. Mat chi ng eye contact i s an obvi ous
rapport skill and usual l y the onl y one that i s consci ousl y taught i n
Engl i sh culture, whi ch has a strong t aboo against not i ci ng body
l anguage consci ousl y, and respondi ng to it.
To create rapport j oi n the ot her person's dance by mat chi ng their
body l anguage sensi ti vel y and wi th respect. Thi s bui l ds a bri dge
bet ween you and their model of the world. Mat chi ng i s not mi mi cry,
whi ch i s noti ceabl e, exaggerated and i ndi scri mi nate copyi ng of
another person' s movement s, and i s usual l y consi dered offensive. You
can mat ch arm movement s by small hand movement s, body
movement s by your head movement s . Thi s i s called 'cross over
mirroring. ' You can mat ch di stri buti on of the body wei ght, and basi c
posture. Whe n peopl e are like each other, they like each other.
Mat chi ng breat hi ng is a very powerful way of gai ni ng rapport. You
may al ready have observed that when two peopl e are i n deep rapport
they breathe i n uni son.
Thes e are the basi c el ement s of rapport. But do not bel i eve us.
Not i ce what happens when you mi rror others. The n noti ce what
happens when you stop. Not i ce what peopl e do who are i n rapport.
Start to be consci ous of what you do natural l y so you can refine i t and
choose when to do it.
Not i ce especi al l y what happens when you mi smat ch. Some
counsel l ors and therapists mi rror and mat ch unconsci ousl y, al most
compul si vel y. Mi s mat chi ng is a very useful skill. The most el egant way
to end a conversati on i s to di sengage from the dance. And you cannot
di sengage from the dance if you have not been danci ng in the first
place. The most ext reme mi s mat ch of course i s to turn your back.
Voi ce mat chi ng i s another way that you can gai n rapport. You can
mat ch tonality, speed, vol ume and rhyt hm of speech. Thi s i s like
j oi ni ng another person' s s ong or mus k, you bl end i n and harmoni ze.
You can use voi ce mat chi ng to gain rapport in a t el ephone
conversati on. The n you can also mi smat ch, changi ng the speed and
tonal i ty of your voi ce to end the conversati on. Thi s is a very useful
skill. To close a t el ephone conversati on natural l y is somet i mes very
difficult.
There are onl y two l i mi ts to your ability to gai n rapport: the degree
to whi ch you can percei ve ot her peopl e' s postures, gestures and speech
patterns, and the skill wi th whi ch you can mat ch t hem i n the dance
of rapport. The rel ati onshi p will be a harmoni ous dance bet ween your
integrity, what you can do and bel i eve whol eheartedl y, and how far
you are wi l l i ng to bui l d a bri dge to anot her person' s model of the
world.
Not i ce how you feel whe n you mat ch; you may well feel
uncomfortabl e mat chi ng some peopl e. There are certai nl y some
behavi ours you will not want to mat ch directly. You woul d not mat ch
a breat hi ng pattern that was muc h faster than was natural for you,
nor woul d you mat ch an asthmati c' s breat hi ng pattern. You coul d
mirror both wi th smal l movement s of your hand. A person' s fidgety
movement s coul d be subtly mi rrored by swayi ng your body. Thi s i s
somet i mes called cross mat chi ng, usi ng s ome anal ogous behavi our
rather than directly mat chi ng. If you are prepared to use these skills
consciously, you can create rapport wi th whoever you choose. You do
not have to like the other person to create rapport, you are si mpl y
bui l di ng a bri dge to understand them better. Creat i ng rapport is one
choi ce, and you will not know that it is effective or what results it has
unl ess you try it.
So rapport is the total cont ext round the verbal message. If the
meani ng of the communi cat i on i s the response i t elicits, gai ni ng
rapport is the ability to elicit responses.
Meani ng
P ACI NG A N D L E A DI NG
Rapport allows you to bui l d a bri dge to the other person: you have
some poi nt of underst andi ng and contact. Wi t h that establ i shed, you
can start to change your behavi our and they are likely to follow. You
can lead t hem i n anot her di recti on. The best teachers are those who
establ i sh rapport, and enter i nto the world of the learner, and so make
it easi er for the l earner to enter i nto a greater underst andi ng of thei r
subject or skill. The y get on well wi t h thei r students, and the good
rel ati onshi p makes the task easier.
In NLP this i s called paci ng and l eadi ng. Paci ng i s establ i shi ng the
bri dge, through rapport and respect. Leadi ng i s changi ng your
behavi our so the other person follows. Leadi ng will not work wi thout
rapport. You cannot lead s omeone over a bri dge wi t hout bui l di ng it
first. Whe n I told my friend I was wri ti ng a book on Neuro- Li ngui st i c
Programmi ng, I was not paci ng hi m, so I coul d not lead hi m i nto an
expl anat i on of what I was wri ti ng about.
Keepi ng your own behavi our the same, and expect i ng other peopl e
to understand and pace you i s one choi ce. Somet i mes i t will yield good
results and somet i mes i t will not. By keepi ng your own behavi our
constant you will get all sorts of different results and not all will be
wel come. If you are prepared to change your behavi our to suit your
out come you are bound to have more success.
We pace all the ti me, to fit i nto different social si tuati ons, to put
others at ease, and to feel at ease oursel ves. We pace different cultures
by respecti ng foreign cust oms. If you want to enter a hi gh class hotel,
you wear a tie. You do not swear in front of the vicar. You go to an
i ntervi ew in suitable cl othes if you are serious about want i ng the j ob.
Paci ng is a general rapport skill we use when di scussi ng c ommon
interests, friends, work or hobbi es. We pace emot i ons. Whe n a loved
one is sad, we use a sympatheti c tone and manner, not a hearty shout
of ' Che e r up!' Thi s woul d probabl y make t hem feel worse. You mean
well, that is you have a positive i nt ent i on, but it does not work. A better
choi ce woul d be first to mi rror and mat ch posture and use a gentle
tonality that mat ches how they feel. The n gradual l y change and adjust
lo a more positive and resourceful posture. If the bridge is built, the
other person will follow your lead. They will perceive unconsci ousl y
that you have respected their state, and be wi l l i ng to follow if that is
the way they want to go. Thi s sort of emot i onal paci ng and l eadi ng
is a powerful tool in counsel l i ng and therapy.
Wi t h an angry person, mat ch their anger a little bel ow thei r level.
If you go too far, there is a danger of escal ati on. Once you have
mat ched, you can start to lead t hem down gradual l y i nto a cal mer
state by t oni ng down your own behavi our. A sense of urgency can be
paced and mat ched by voice tonality, speaki ng a little l ouder and
qui cker than usual.
You gain rapport by appreci at i ng what peopl e say. You do not have
to agree wi th it. One very good way to do this is to el i mi nate the word
' but' from your vocabulary. Repl ace it wi th 'and'. ' But ' can be a
destructive word, it i mpl i es you have heard what is said . . . but . . .
have some objecti ons that di scount it. ' And' is i nnocent . It si mpl y adds
to and expands what has been said already. Words have great power
in themsel ves. You mi ght consi der maki ng this change. But it coul d
be difficult. But you will probabl y find it is worth it. And you will get
more rapport.
Peopl e who share the same cul ture will t end to have c o mmo n val ues
and a c ommon worl d view. Co mmo n interests, work, friends, hobbi es,
likes, dislikes, and political persuasi on will create s ome rapport. We
get on natural l y wi th peopl e that share our basi c val ues and beliefs.
Paci ng and l eadi ng is a basic i dea in NLP. It takes in rapport, and
respect for the ot her person' s model of the world. It assumes a positive
i ntenti on, and is a powerful way of movi ng towards agreement or a
shared out come. In order to pace and l ead successfully, you need to
pay attenti on to the other person and be flexible enough i n your own
behavi our to respond to what you see and hear. NLP i s the marti al
art of communi cat i on: graceful, enjoyabl e and very effective.
A Light-hearted Map of NLP
CHAPTER
2
THE D O O R S OF P E R C E P T I ON
If the l oop of communi cat i on has any begi nni ng, i t starts with our
senses. As Al dous Huxl ey poi nt ed out, the doors of percepti on are the
senses, our eyes, nose, ears, mout h and skin, and these are our onl y
poi nts of contact wi th the world.
Even these poi nts of contact are not what they seem. Take your eyes,
for exampl e, your ' wi ndows on the world'. Well, they are not. Not
wi ndows at any rate, nor even a camera. Have you ever wondered why
a camera can never catch the essence of the visual i mage that you see?
The eye i s much more i ntel l i gent than a camera. The i ndi vi dual
receptors, the rods and cones of the reti na, respond not to the l i ght
itself, but to changes or differences in the light.
Consi der the apparentl y si mpl e task of l ooki ng at one of these
words. If your eye and the paper were perfectly still, the word woul d
di sappear as soon as each rod had fired i n response to the initial black
or whi t e sti mul us. In order to keep sendi ng i nf ormat i on about the
shape of the letters, the eye flickers mi nut el y and rapi dl y so that the
rods at the boundary of black and whi t e keep on bei ng sti mul ated.
In this way we cont i nue to see the letter. The i mage is projected upsi de
down ont o the retina, coded i nto electrical i mpul ses by the rods and
cones and reassembl ed from these by the vi sual cortex of the brai n.
The resul ti ng pi cture is then projected ' out there', but it is created
deep i nsi de the brain.
So we see through a compl ex series of active perceptual filters. The
same is true of our other senses. The worl d we percei ve is not the real
worl d, the territory. It is a map made by our neurol ogy. What we pay
attenti on to i n the ma p i s further filtered t hrough our bel i efs, interests
and preoccupat i ons.
We can learn to allow our senses to serve us better. The abi l i ty to
notice more, and make fi ner di sti ncti ons i n all the senses can
significantly enri ch the qual i ty of l i f e, and is an essential skill in many
work areas. A wi ne taster needs a very di scri mi nat i ng palate; a
musi ci an needs the abi l i ty to make fine audi tory di sti ncti ons. A mason
or woodcarver must be sensitive to the feel of his materi al s to release
the figure i mpri soned in the stone or wood. A pai nter must be sensi ti ve
to the nuances of col our and shape.
Trai ni ng of this nature i s not so much seei ng more than others as
knowi ng what to look for, l earni ng to percei ve the difference that
makes the difference. The devel opment of a rich awareness in each
of our physical senses i s sensory acuity, and an explicit goal of NLP
trai ni ng.
R E P R E S E NT AT I ONAL S YS TE MS
Communi c at i on starts wi th our thoughts, and we use words, tonality
and body l anguage to convey t hem to the other person. And what are
thoughts? There are many different scientific answers, yet everyone
knows i nt i mat el y what t hi nki ng is for themselves. One useful way of
t hi nki ng about t hi nki ng is that we are usi ng our senses internally.
Whe n we thi nk about what we see, hear and feel, we recreate these
si ghts, sounds and feel i ngs inwardly. We re-experi ence i nformati on i n
the sensory form in whi ch we first percei ved it. Somet i mes we are
aware of doi ng this, somet i mes not. Can you remember where you
went on your last hol i day?
Now, how do you remember it? Maybe pi ctures of the place come
i nto your mi nd. Perhaps you say the name or hear sounds. Or maybe
you recall what you felt. Thi nki ng i s such an obvi ous, commonpl ace
activity, we never give it a second thought. We tend to think about
what we think about , not how we think about it. Al so we assume that
other peopl e thi nk i n the same way as we do.
So one way we thi nk i s consci ousl y or unconsci ousl y rememberi ng
the sights, sounds, feelings, tastes and smel l s we have experi enced.
Through the me di um of l anguage we can even create varieties of sense
experi ence wi t hout havi ng had the actual experi ences. Read the next
paragraph as slowly as you comfortabl y can.
Take a mome nt to think about wal ki ng in a forest of pi ne trees. The
trees tower above you, rising up on every side. You see the col ours of
the forest all around you and the sun makes leafy shadows and mosai cs
on the forest floor. You walk t hrough a patch of sunl i ght that has
broken through the cool cei l i ng of l eaves above you. As you walk, you
become aware of the stillness, broken onl y by the birds cal l i ng and
the crunchi ng sound of your feet as you tread on the debri s of the forest
floor. There is the occasi onal sharp crack as you snap a dri ed t wi g
underfoot. You reach out and touch a tree trunk, feel i ng the roughness
of the bark under your hand. As you gradual l y become aware of a
gentle breeze stroki ng your face, you notice the aromati c smell of pi ne
mi ngl i ng wi th the more earthy smel l s of the forest. Wanderi ng on, you
remember that supper will be ready soon and it is one of your favourite
meal s. You can almost taste the food in your mout h in anti ci pati on . . .
To make sense of that last paragraph, you went through those
experi ences i n your mi nd, usi ng your senses i nwardl y to represent the
experi ence that was conjured up by the words. You probabl y created
the scene sufficiently strongl y to i magi ne the taste of food in an
al ready i magi nary si tuati on. If you have ever wal ked in a pi ne forest,
you may have remembered specific experi ences from that occasi on.
If you have not, you may have constructed the experi ence from ot her
si mi l ar experi ences, or used materi al from tel evi si on, fi l ms, books or
si mi l ar sources. Your experi ence was a mosai c of memori es and
i magi nat i on. Muc h of our t hi nki ng i s typi cal l y a mi xt ure of these
remembered and constructed sense i mpressi ons.
We use the same neurol ogi cal pathways to represent experi ence
inwardly as we do to experi ence i t directly. The s ame neurons generate
el ectrochemi cal charges whi ch can be meas ured by el ect romyographi c
readi ngs. Thought has direct physical effects, mi nd and body are one
system. Take a mome nt to i magi ne eat i ng your favourite fruit, The
fruit may be i magi nary, but the sal i vati on i s not .
We use our senses outwardl y to percei ve the worl d, and i nwardl y
to ' re-present' experi ence to oursel ves. In NLP the ways we take in,
store and code i nformati on i n our mi nds - seei ng, heari ng, feeling,
taste and smell - are known as representati onal systems.
The vi sual system, often abbrevi ated t o ' V, can be used external l y
(e) whe n we are l ooki ng at the outsi de worl d ( V
e
) , or i nternal l y (i)
when we are mental l y vi sual i zi ng ( V
1
) . In the same way, the audi tory
system ( A) , can be di vi ded i nt o heari ng external sounds ( A
e
) , or
internal ( A
1
) . The feel i ng sense i s called the ki nestheti c system ( K) ,
External ki nestheti cs ( K
e
) , i ncl ude tactile sensati ons like touch,
temperature and moi sture. Internal ki nestheti cs (K.
1
), i ncl ude
remembered sensati ons, emot i ons, and the i nner feelings of bal ance
and bodi l y awareness, known as the propri ocepti ve sense, whi ch
provide us wi th feedback about our movement s. Wi t hout t hem we
coul d not control our bodi es i n space wi t h our eyes cl osed. The
vesti bul ar system i s an i mport ant part of the ki nestheti c system. It
deal s wi th our sense of bal ance, mai nt ai ni ng the equi l i bri um of our
whol e body i n space. It i s l ocat ed i n t he compl ex series of canal s i n
the i nner ear. We have many met aphors about thi s syst em such as
l osi ng our bal ance, fal l i ng for somebody, or bei ng put i n a spin. The
vesti bul ar syst em is very i nfl uenti al and is often treated as a separate
representati onal system.
Vi sual , audi t ory and ki nestheti c are the pri mary representati on
syst ems used i n West ern cul tures. The sense of taste, gustatory ( G) ,
and smel l , olfactory ( O) , are not so i mport ant and are often i ncl uded
i n the ki nestheti c sense. The y often serve as powerful and i mmedi at e
l i nks t o t he si ghts, sounds and pi ctures associ ated wi t h t hem.
We use all three of the pri mary systems all the t i me al t hough we
are not equal l y aware of t hem all, and we t end to favour some over
others. Tor exampl e many peopl e have an i nner voi ce that runs i n the
audi tory syst em creat i ng an i nternal di al ogue. The y rehearse
argument s, rehear speeches, make up replies and general l y talk thi ngs
over wi th themsel ves. Thi s is, however, onl y one way of t hi nki ng.
Representational Systems
Representati onal systems are not mut ual l y excl usi ve. It i s possi bl e
to vi sual i ze a scene, have the associ ated feelings and hear the sounds
si mul taneousl y, al though it may be difficult to pay at t ent i on to all
three at the same ti me. Some parts of the t hought process will be
unconsci ous.
The more a person i s absorbed i n their i nner worl d of si ghts, sounds
and feelings, the less he or she will be abl e to pay at t ent i on to the
external worl d. There is a story of a f amous chess player in an
i nternati onal t ournament who was so engrossed i n the posi ti on he was
seei ng i n hi s mi nd' s eye that he had two full di nners i n one eveni ng.
He had compl et el y forgotten eat i ng the fi rst. Bei ng 'lost i n t hought '
is a very apt descri pti on. Peopl e experi enci ng st rong i nner emot i ons
are also less vul nerabl e to external pai n.
Our behavi our i s generated from a mi xture of i nternal and external
sense experi ence. At any t i me we will be payi ng attenti on to different
parts of our experi ence. Whi l e you read thi s book you will be focusi ng
on the page and probabl y not aware of the feel i ng in your left foot
. . . until I ment i oned it . . .
As I type this, I am mostl y aware of my i nternal di al ogue paci ng
itself to my (very sl ow) rate of t ypi ng on the word processor. I will be
distracted if I pay attenti on to outsi de sounds. Not bei ng a very good
typist, I look at the keys and feel t hem under my fingers as I type,
so my vi sual and ki nestheti c senses are bei ng used outwardly. Thi s
woul d change if I stopped to vi sual i ze a scene I want ed to describe.
There are some emergency si gnal s that woul d get my i mmedi at e
attenti on: a sudden pain, my name bei ng called, the smel l of smoke,
or, if I am hungry, the smel l of food.
P R E F E R R E D R E P R E S E NT AT I ONAL S YS TE MS
We use all our senses external l y all the ti me, al t hough we will pay
attenti on to one sense more than another dependi ng on what we are
doi ng. In an art gallery we will use most l y our eyes, in a concert, our
ears. What is surpri si ng is that when we thi nk, we tend to favour one,
perhaps two representati onal systems regardl ess of what we are
thi nki ng about. We are abl e to use t hem all, and by the age of 11 or
12 we al ready have clear preferences.
Many peopl e can make clear mental i mages and thi nk mai nl y i n
pi ctures. Ot hers fi nd this vi ewpoi nt difficult. The y may talk to
themsel ves a good deal , whi l e others base thei r act i ons most l y on their
feel for a si tuati on. Wh e n a person tends to use one internal sense
habitually, this i s called their preferred or pri mary system i n NLP;
they are likely to be more di scri mi nat i ng and able to make fi ner
di sti ncti ons i n this system t han i n the others.
Thi s means some peopl e are naturally better, or ' tal ented' at
parti cul ar tasks or skills, they have l earned to become more adept at
usi ng one or two i nternal senses and these have become s moot h and
practi sed, runni ng wi thout effort or awareness. Somet i mes a
representati onal syst em i s not so well devel oped, and this makes
certain skills more difficult. For exampl e, mus i c is a difficult art
wi thout the ability to hear sounds internally.
No system i s better i n an absol ute sense than another, i t depends
what you want to do. Athl etes need a well devel oped ki nestheti c
awareness, and it is difficult to be a successful architect wi t hout a
facility for maki ng clear, constructed ment al pictures. One skill shared
by out st andi ng performers in any field is to be able to move easi l y
through all the representati onal systems and use the most appropri ate
one for the task in hand.
Di fferent psychotherapi es show a representati on system bi as. The
bodywork therapi es are pri mari l y kinesthetic; psychoanal ysi s i s
predomi nant l y verbal and auditory. Art therapy and Jungi an
symbol i sm are exampl es of more vi sual l y-based therapi es.
L A N G U A G E A N D R E P R E S E NT AT I ONAL S YS TE MS
We use l anguage to communi cat e our thoughts, so it is not surpri si ng
that the words we use reflect the way we think. John Gri nder tells of
the t i me whe n he and Ri chard Bandi er were l eavi ng a house to l ead
a Gestalt therapy group. Ri chard was l aughi ng about s omeone who
had said, ' I see what you are saying, '
' Thi nk about it literally,' he said. ' What coul d they possi bl y
mean?'
'Well,' said John, ' Let ' s take it literally; suppose it means that
peopl e are maki ng i mages of the meani ng of the words that you use.'
Thi s was an i nteresti ng idea. Whe n they got to the group, they tried
an entirely new procedure on the spur of the moment . The y took
green, yellow and red cards and had peopl e go round the group and
say their purpose for bei ng there. Peopl e who used a lot of words and
phrases to do wi t h feelings, got a yellow card. Peopl e who used a lot
of words and phrases to do wi th heari ng and sounds got green cards.
Thos e who used words and phrases predomi nant l y t o do wi t h seei ng,
got red cards.
The n there was a very si mpl e exerci se. Peopl e wi th the same col our
card were to sit down and talk together for fi ve mi nut es. The n they
sat down and talked to s omebody wi th a different col our card. The
differences they observed i n rapport bet ween peopl e were profound.
Peopl e wi th the same colour card were get t i ng on muc h better.
Gri nder and Bandi er t hought this was fasci nati ng and suggesti ve.
P RE DI CATE S
We use words to descri be our thoughts, so our choi ce of words will
i ndi cate whi ch representati onal syst em we are usi ng. Consi der three
peopl e who have just read the same book.
The first mi ght poi nt out that he saw a lot in it, the exampl es were
well chosen to illustrate the subject and it was wri tten in a sparkling style.
The second mi ght object to the tone of the book; it had a shrill prose
style. In fact, he cannot tune in to the author' s i deas at all, and he woul d
like to tell hi m so.
The third feels the book dealt wi th a weighty subject in a balanced way.
He liked the way the author touched on all the key topics, and he grasped
the new i deas easily. He felt i n sympat hy wi th the author.
The y all read the same book. You will noti ce that each person
expressed themsel ves about the same book in a different way.
Regardl ess of what they t hought about it, how they t hought about it
was different. One was thi nki ng in pictures, the second in sounds, and
the third infeelings. Thes e sensory-based words, adjecti ves, adverbs and
verbs, are called predicates i n NLP literature. Habi t ual use of one kind
of predi cate will i ndi cate a person' s preferred representati onal system.
It is possi bl e to find out the preferred system of the writer of any
book by payi ng attenti on to the l anguage that he or she uses. ( Except
for NLP books, where the writers may take a rather more calculated
approach to the words they use . . .) Great literature always has a rich
and vari ed mi x of predi cates, usi ng all the representati onal systems
equally, hence its universal appeal .
Words such as ' comprehend' , ' understand' , 'think', and ' process'
are not sensory-based, and so are neutral in terms of representati onal
systems. Academi c treatises t end to use t hem i n preference to sensory-
based words, perhaps as an unconsci ous recogni t i on that sensory-
based words are more personal to the writer and reader and so less
'objective'. However, neutral words will be translated differently by
the ki nestheti c, audi t ory or visual readers, and gi ve rise to many
academi c argument s, often over the meani ng of the words. Everyone
thi nks they are right.
You may like to become aware over the comi ng weeks what sort of
words you favour in normal conversati on. It is also fasci nati ng to listen
to others and di scover what sort of sensory-based l anguage they prefer.
Thos e of you who prefer to think i n pictures may like to see i f you
can identify the colourful l anguage patterns of the peopl e around you.
If you thi nk kin estheti c ally, you coul d get in touch wi th the way peopl e
put themsel ves over, and if you think in sounds, we woul d ask you to
listen carefully and tune in to how different peopl e talk.
There are i mportant i mpl i cat i ons for gai ni ng rapport. The secret
of good communi cat i on i s not so much what you say, but how you say
it. To create rapport, mat ch predi cates wi th the other person. You will
be speaki ng their l anguage, and presenti ng ideas i n just the way they
think about t hem. Your ability to do this will depend on two thi ngs.
Firstly your sensory acui ty i n not i ci ng, heari ng or pi cki ng up other
peopl es' l anguage patterns. And secondly, havi ng an adequate
vocabul ary of words i n that representati onal syst em to respond.
Conversat i ons will not all be i n one system of course, but mat chi ng
l anguage does wonders for rapport.
You are more likely to gai n rapport wi th a person who thinks in the
same way as you, and you di scover this by l i steni ng to the words he
or she uses, regardl ess of whet her you agree wi th t hem or not. You
mi ght be on the same wavel ength, or you mi ght see eye to eye. The n
agai n you mi ght get a solid understandi ng.
It is a good i dea to use a good mi x of predi cates when you address
a group of peopl e. Let the vi sual i zers see what you are sayi ng. Let
the audi t ory thinkers hear you l oud and clear, and put yourself over
so that the kinesthetic thinkers in the audi ence can grasp your
meani ng. Ot herwi se why shoul d they listen to you? You risk two thi rds
of your audi ence not following your talk if you confi ne yourself to
expl ai ni ng i n one representati onal system.
L E AD SYSTEM
Just as we have a preferred representati onal system for our consci ous
thi nki ng, so we al so have a preferred means of bri ngi ng i nf ormat i on
i nt o our consci ous thoughts, A compl et e me mor y woul d cont ai n all
the sights, sounds, feelings, tastes and smel l s of the original
experi ence, and we prefer to go to one of these to recall it. Thi nk back
again to your holiday.
What came first . . . ?
A pi cture, sound or feeling?
Thi s is the l ead system, the i nternal sense that we use as a handl e
to reach back to a memory. It is how the i nf ormat i on reaches consci ous
mi nd. For exampl e I may remember my hol i day and start to be
consci ous of the feelings of rel axati on I experi enced, but the way it
comes to mi nd initially mi ght be as a picture. Here my l ead system
i s vi sual and my preferred system i s ki nestheti c.
The l ead system is rather like a comput er' s start up program -
unobtrusi ve, but necessary for the comput er to work at all. It is
somet i mes called the i nput syst em, as it suppl i es the materi al to think
about consciously.
Most peopl e have a preferred i nput system, and it need not be the
same as thei r pri mary system. A person may have a different l ead
system for different types of experi ence. For exampl e, they may use
pictures to get in touch wi th painful experi ences, and sounds to take
t hem back t o pl easant ones.
Occasi onal l y a person may not be able to bri ng one of the
representati onal systems i nto consci ousness. For exampl e a person
may say he does not see any ment al pictures. Whi l e this is true for
hi m in hi s reality, it is actually i mpossi bl e, or he woul d be unabl e to
recogni ze peopl e, or describe objects. He i s si mpl y not consci ous of
the pi ctures he is seei ng internally. If this unconsci ous system is
generat i ng painful i mages, he may feel bad wi t hout knowi ng why.
Thi s is often how j eal ousy is generated.
S YNE S THE S I AS , OV E R L AP A N D T R A N S L A T I ON
Have you seen but a whi t e lily grow?
Before rude hands have t ouched it?
Have you marked but the fall of the snow,
Before the soil has smi rched it?
Have you felt the wool of beaver,
Or swan' s down, ever?
Have you smel t of the bud of the briar
Or the nard in the fire,
Have you tasted the bag of the bee?
O so whi te, O so soft,
O so sweet is she.
Benj onson 1572-1637
The ri chness and range of our thoughts depends on our abi l i ty to link
and move from one way of t hi nki ng to another. So i f my l ead system
is auditory, and my preferred system is visual, I will tend to remember
a person through the sound of their voice and then think about t hem
in pictures. From there I mi ght get a feel i ng for the person.
So we take i nf ormat i on i n from one sense, but represent i t i nternal l y
wi th another. Sounds can conjure up vi sual memori es or abstract
visual imagery. We talk of t one col our i n musi c, and of warm sounds,
and al so of l oud col ours. An i mmedi at e and unconsci ous link across
the senses is called a synesthesia. A person's lead to preferred system will
usual l y be thei r strong, typical synesthesi a pattern.
Synesthesi as form an i mportant part of the way we thi nk and some
are so pervasive and wi despread that they seem to be wi red i nto our
brai n at birth. For exampl e, col ours are usual l y linked to moods: red
for anger and bl ue for tranquillity. In fact both bl ood pressure and
pulse rate increase slightly in a predomi nant l y red envi ronment , and
decrease i f the surroundi ngs are mostl y blue. There are studi es that
show that peopl e experi ence bl ue rooms as colder than yellow rooms,
even whe n they are actual l y slightly warmer. Mus i c makes extensi ve
use of synesthesi as; how hi gh a not e is set vi sual l y on the stave relates
to how hi gh i t sounds, and there are a number of composers who
associate certai n musi cal sounds wi th defi ni te colours.
Synesthesi as happen automati cal l y. Somet i mes we want to link
internal senses in a purposeful way, for exampl e to gai n access to a
whol e representati on system that i s out of consci ous awareness.
Suppose a person has great difficulty vi sual i zi ng. First you coul d
ask her to go back to a happy, comfortabl e memory, perhaps a t i me
by the sea. Invite her to hear the sound of the sea internally, and the
sound of any conversati on that took place. Hol di ng this i n mi nd, she
mi ght overlap to feel i ng the wi nd on her face, the warmt h of the sun
on her skin, and the sand bet ween her toes. From here it is a short
step for her to see an i mage of the sand beneath her feet, or see the
sun in the sky. Thi s t echni que of overl appi ng can bri ng back a full
memory: pi ctures, sounds and feel i ngs.
Jus t as a transl ati on from one l anguage to another preserves the
meani ng but totally changes the form, so experi ences can be translated
bet ween internal senses. For exampl e, you mi ght see a very unt i dy
room, get an uncomfortabl e feel i ng and want to do s omet hi ng about
it. Tbe sight of the same room mi ght leave a friend feeling unaffected
and he woul d be at a loss to understand why you feel so bad. He mi ght
label you as oversensi ti ve because he cannot ent er i nt o your worl d of
experi ence. He mi ght understand how you feel i f you told hi m i t was
like havi ng i t chi ng powder i n hi s bed. Transl ati ng i nto sound, you
mi ght compare i t to the di scomfort of heari ng an i nst rument pl ayed
out of tune. Thi s anal ogy woul d strike a chord wi th any musi ci an; you
woul d at last be speaki ng his l anguage.
E YE A C C E S S I NG CUE S
It is easy to know if a person is t hi nki ng in pictures, sounds or feelings.
There are visible changes i n our bodi es whe n we thi nk i n different
ways. The way we think afreets our bodi es, and how we use our bodi es
affects the way we think.
What is the first t hi ng you see as you walk through the front door
of your home?
To answer that questi on you probabl y l ooked up and to your left.
Looki ng up and left i s how most ri ght - handed peopl e remember
i mages.
Now, really get in touch wi th how it woul d feel to have velvet next
to your skin.
Here you probabl y l ooked down and to your right, whi ch i s the way
the majori ty of peopl e get in t ouch wi th thei r feelings.
We move our eyes in different di recti ons in a systemati c way
dependi ng on how we are thi nki ng. Neurol ogi cal studi es have shown
that eye movement both laterally and vertically seems to be associ ated
wi th acti vati ng different parts of the brai n. Thes e movement s are
called lateral eye movement s ( LEM) i n neurol ogi cal literature. In
NLP they are called eye accessi ng cues because they are the visual cues
that let us know how peopl e are accessi ng i nf ormat i on. There i s some
i nnate neurol ogi cal connect i on bet ween eye movement s and
representati onal systems, for the same patterns occur worl dwi de (with
the except i on of the Basque regi on of Spai n).
Whe n we vi sual i ze s omet hi ng from our past experi ence our eyes
tend to move up and to our left. Whe n const ruct i ng a pi cture from
words or tryi ng to ' i magi ne' s omet hi ng we have never seen, our eyes
move up and to our right. The eyes move across to our left for
remembered sounds and across to our right for constructed sounds.
Whe n accessi ng feelings, the eyes will typi cal l y go down to our right.
Whe n talking to oursel ves, the eyes will usual l y go down left.
Def ocus i ng the eyes and stari ng straight ahead, ' l ooki ng i nto the
distance', al so shows vi sual i zati on.
Visualization
Constructed sounds Remembered sounds
NB. This is as you look at another person
Mos t ri ght-handed peopl e have the pattern of eye movement s shown
i n the di agram. They may be reversed for l eft-handed peopl e, who
may look right for remembered i mages and sounds, and left for
constructed i mages and sounds. Eye accessi ng cues are consi stent for
a person even if they contradi ct this model . For exampl e, a l eft-handed
person may look down to his left for feel i ngs and down to hi s right
for i nternal di al ogue. However, he will do this consi stentl y and not
mi x the accessi ng cues randoml y. There are always except i ons - look
carefully before appl yi ng these general rules to anybody. The answer
i s not the general i zati on, but the person i n front of you.
Al t hough i t i s possi bl e to move your eyes consci ousl y i n any
di recti on whi l e thi nki ng, accessi ng a parti cul ar representati on system
i s general l y muc h easi er i f you are usi ng the appropri ate natural eye
movement s . They are ways of fine t uni ng the brain to think in a
particular way. If you want to remember s omet hi ng you saw yesterday,
it is easiest to look up to your left or stare strai ght ahead. It is difficult
t o remember i mages whi l e l ooki ng down.
We are not normal l y consci ous of our lateral eye movement s and
there i s no reason why we shoul d be, but ' l ooki ng' for i nformati on
in the right place is a very useful skill.
Accessi ng cues allow us to know how another person i s thi nki ng,
and an i mportant part of NLP t rai ni ng i nvol ves becomi ng aware of
other peopl e' s eye accessi ng cues. One way to do this i s to ask different
sorts of quest i ons and noti ce the eye movement s, not the replies. For
exampl e, if I ask, ' What col our is your l ounge carpet?' you woul d have
to vi sual i ze the l ounge to give the answer regardl ess of the colour.
You mi ght like to try out the fol l owi ng exerci se wi th a friend. Sit
down in a qui et place, ask her the fol l owi ng quest i ons and watch her
eye accessi ng cues. Make a note of t hem if you want to. Tell her to
keep her answers brief or just nod when she has the answer. Whe n
you have fi ni shed, change pl aces and answer the quest i ons yourself.
Thi s is not hi ng to do wi th tryi ng to catch her out to prove a poi nt,
onl y si mpl e curi osi ty about how we think.
QUESTIONS THAT WOULD NECESSARILY INVOLVE VISUAL
MEMORIES TO GET AN ANSWER WOULD BE:
What col our is your front door?
What do you see on your j ourney to the nearest shop?
How do the stripes go round a tiger's body?
How tall is the bui l di ng you live in?
Whi ch of your friends has the l ongest hair?
THESE ANSWERS WOULD INVOLVE VISUAL CONSTRUCTI ON
TO GIVE AN ANSWER:
What woul d your bedroom look like wi t h pink spotted wal l paper?
If a map is upsi de down, whi ch di recti on is southeast?
I magi ne a purpl e tri angl e i nsi de a red square.
How do you spell your Chri sti an name backwards?
TO ACCESS AUDITORY MEMORY YOU MIGHT ASK:
Can you hear your favourite pi ece of musi c i n your mi nd?
Whi ch door sl ams l oudest i n your house?
What i s the sound of the engaged tone on t he tel ephone?
Is the third not e in the nati onal ant hem hi gher or lower than the
second note?
Can you hear the dawn chorus i n your mi nd?
QUESTIONS POR AUDITORY CONSTRUCTION:
How l oud woul d it be if ten peopl e shout ed at once?
What woul d your voice sound like underwater?
Thi nk of your favourite t une played at doubl e speed.
What sound woul d a pi ano make if it fell off the top of a ten storey
bui l di ng?
What woul d the scream of a mandrake s ound like?
What woul d a chai nsaw sound like in a corrugated iron shed?
QUESTIONS TO START INTERNAL DIALOGUE:
What tone of voice do you use when you talk to yourself?
Reci te a nursery rhyme si l entl y
Whe n you talk to yourself, where does the sound come from?
What do you say to yourself when thi ngs go wrong?
QUESTIONS FOR THE KINESTHETIC SENSE ( INCLUDING SMELL
AND TASTE):
What does it feel like to put on wet socks?
What is it like to put your foot i nto a col d s wi mmi ng pool?
What is it like to feel wool next to the skin?
Whi ch i s warmer now, your left hand or your right hand?
What is it like to settle down in a ni ce hot bath?
How do you fee! after a good meal ?
Thi nk of the smel l of ammoni a.
What is it like to taste a spoonful of very salty soup?
The t hought process i s what matters, not the actual answers. It i s not
even necessary to get verbal replies. Some quest i ons can be thought
of i n different ways. For exampl e, to fi nd out the numbe r of sides of
a 50 pence piece, you mi ght vi sual i ze the coi n and count the sides,
or alternatively, you mi ght count t hem by ment al l y feel i ng round the
edge. So if you ask a questi on that shoul d evoke vi sual i zati on, and the
accessi ng cues are different, this is a tribute to the person' s flexibility
and creativity. It does not me an that the patterns are wrong
necessarily, or the person is ' wrong' . If in doubt , ask, ' What were you
t hi nki ng t hen?'
Eye accessi ng cues happen very quickly, and you need to be
observant to see t hem all. The y will show the sequence of
representati onal systems that a person uses to answer these questi ons.
For exampl e, i n the audi tory questi on about the l oudest s l ammi ng
door, a person mi ght vi sual i ze each door, ment al l y feel hi msel f
s l ammi ng i t and then hear the sound. He mi ght have to do this several
ti mes before bei ng abl e to gi ve an answer. Usual l y a person will go
to their l ead system first to answer a questi on. Someone who leads
vi sual l y will typi cal l y make a pi cture of the vari ous si tuati ons in the
audi tory and feel i ng questi ons before heari ng the sound or havi ng the
feeling.
OT HE R A C C E S S I NG CUE S
Eye movement s are not the onl y accessi ng cues, al t hough they are
probabl y the easiest to noti ce. As the body and mi nd are i nseparabl e,
how we think always shows somewhere, if you know where to look.
In particular, it shows in breat hi ng patterns, ski n colour, and posture.
A person who is t hi nki ng in visual i mages wUl general l y speak more
qui ckl y and at a hi gher pitch than s omeone who i s not. Images happen
fast in the brai n and you have to speak fast to keep up wi th t hem.
Breat hi ng will be hi gher i n the chest and more shallow. There i s often
an i ncrease in muscl e tensi on, parti cul arl y in the shoul ders, the head
will be up, and the face will be pal er than it is normally.
Peopl e who are t hi nki ng i n sounds breathe evenl y over the whol e
chest area. There are often smal l rhythmi c movement s of the body and
the voice tonality is clear, expressive and resonant. The head is well
bal anced on the shoul ders or slightly at an angl e as if l i steni ng to
somet hi ng.
Peopl e who are tal ki ng to themsel ves will often l ean their head to
one side, resting it on their hand or fist. Thi s is known as a ' t el ephone
posi ti on' because it looks as if they are speaki ng on an i nvi si bl e
t el ephone. Some peopl e repeat what they have just heard under their
breath. You will be abl e to see their lips move.
Ki nest het i c accessi ng i s characteri zed by deep breat hi ng l ow i n the
st omach area, often accompani ed by muscl e rel axati on. Wi t h the head
down, the voice will have a deeper tonality, and the person will
typi cal l y speak slowly, with l ong pauses. Rodi n' s famous sculpture of
' The Thi nker' , i s undoubt edl y thi nki ng kinesthetic ally.
Movement s and gestures will also tell you how a person is thi nki ng.
Many peopl e will poi nt to the sense organ that they are usi ng
internally: they will poi nt to their ears whi l e l i steni ng to sounds inside
their head, point to the eyes i f vi sual i zi ng, or to the abdomen i f they
are feel i ng somet hi ng strongly. Thes e si gns will not tell you what a
person is thi nki ng about, onl y how he or she is thi nki ng it. Thi s is
body l anguage at a much more refined and subtle level than it is
normal l y interpreted.
The i dea of representati onal systems is a very useful way of
underst andi ng how different peopl e think, and readi ng accessi ng cues
is an i nval uabl e skill for anyone who wants to communi cat e better wi th
others. For therapists and educators it is essenti al . Therapi st s can
begi n to know how their clients are thi nki ng, and di scover how they
mi ght change it. Educators can discover what ways of t hi nki ng work
best for a particular subject and teach those precise skills.
There have been many theories of psychol ogi cal types based both
on physi ol ogy and ways of thi nki ng. NLF suggests another possibility.
Habi t ual ways of thi nki ng leave their mark on the body. The s e
characteristic postures, gestures and breat hi ng patterns will become
habi tual i n i ndi vi dual s who thi nk predomi nant l y i n one way. In other
words, a person who speaks qui ckl y in a hi gh tonality, who breathes
fairly rapi dl y hi gh in the chest, and who is tense in the shoul der area
is likely to be s omeone who thi nks mostl y in pictures. A person who
speaks slowly, wi th a deep voice, breat hi ng deepl y as he or she does
so, will probabl y rely on their feelings to a large extent.
A conversati on bet ween a person thi nki ng visually, and a person
thi nki ng in feelings can be a very frustrating experi ence for both sides.
The vi sual thi nker will be t appi ng hi s foot i n i mpat i ence, whi l e the
kinesthetic person literally 'can't see' why the other has to go so
quickly. Whoever has the abi l i ty to adapt to the other person' s way
of t hi nki ng will get better results.
However, do remember that these general i zati ons must all be
checked agai nst observati on and experi ence. NLP i s emphat i cal l y not
another way to pi geonhol e peopl e i nt o types. To say that s omeone i s
a vi sual type is no more useful than sayi ng he has red hair. If it bl i nds
you to what he is doi ng in the here and now, it is worse t han usel ess,
and just anot her way of creat i ng stereotypes.
There can be a great temptati on to categori ze yoursel f and others
in terms of pri mary representati on system. To make this error is to
fall i nto the trap that has beset psychol ogy: invent a set of categori es
and then cram peopl e i nto them whet her they fit or not. Peopl e are
always richer than general i zati ons about t hem. NLP provides a rich
enough set of model s to fi t what peopl e actual l y do rather than try
to make the peopl e fi t the stereotypes.
S UB MODAL I T I E S
So far we have talked about three mai n ways of thi nki ng - in sounds,
in pi ctures and in feelings - but this is onl y a first step. If you want ed
to descri be a pi cture you have seen, there is a lot of detail you coul d
add. Was it in col our or black and white? Was it a movi ng film strip,
or still? Was it far away or near? Thes e sorts of di sti ncti ons can be
made regardless of what i s i n the pi cture. Si mi l arl y you coul d describe
a sound as hi gh or low pi tched, near or far, l oud or soft. A feel i ng coul d
be heavy or light, sharp or dull, l i ght or i ntense. So havi ng establ i shed
the general way we think, the next step i s to be much more preci se
wi thi n that system.
Make yourself comfortabl e and thi nk back to a pl easant memory.
Exami ne any pi cture you have of it. Are you seei ng it as if t hrough
your own eyes (associ ated), or are you seei ng it as if from somewhere
else (di ssoci ated)? For exampl e, if you see yourself in the picture, you
must be di ssoci ated. Is it in colour? Is it a movi e or a slide? Is it a
three di mensi onal i mage or is it flat like a photograph? As you
cont i nue to look at the pi cture you may make other descri pti ons of
it as well.
Next pay attenti on to any s ounds that are associ ated with that
memory. Are they l oud or soft? Near or far? Where do t hey come
from?
Finally pay attenti on to any feelings or sensati ons that are a part
of that memory. Where do you feel them? Are t hey hard or soft? Li ght
or heavy? Hot or col d?
Thes e di sti ncti ons are known as submodal i ti es i n NLP literature.
If representati onal systems are modal i ti es - ways of experi enci ng the
world - t hen submodal i ti es are the bui l di ng bl ocks of the senses, how
each, picture, sound or feel i ng i s composed.
Peopl e have used NLP i deas throughout the ages. NLP did not
spri ng i nto bei ng when the name was i nvented. The anci ent Greeks
talked about sense experi ence, and Ari stotl e talked about
submodal i t i es i n all but name whe n he referred to the qual i ti es of the
senses.
Here is a list of the most c ommon submodal i t y di sti ncti ons:
VISUAL
Associ at ed ( seen t hrough own eyes), or di ssoci ated ( l ooki ng on at self)
Col our or black and whi te
Framed or unbounded
Dept h (two or three di mensi onal )
Locat i on (e. g. to left or right, up or down)
Di st ance of self from pi cture
Bri ghtness
Contrast
Cl ari ty (bl urred or focused)
Move me nt (like a film or a sl i de show)
Speed (faster or slower than usual )
Numbe r (split screen or mul t i pl e i mages)
Si ze
AUDITORY
Stereo or mono
Words or sounds
Vol ume (l oud or soft)
Tone (soft or harsh)
Ti mbre (fullness of s ound)
Locat i on of sound
Di st ance from sound source
Durat i on
Cont i nuous or di scont i nuous
Speed (faster or slower t han usual )
Cl ari ty (clear or muffl ed)
KINESTHETIC
Locat i on
Intensi ty
Pressure (hard or soft)
Extent (how bi g)
Texture (rough or smoot h)
Wei ght (light or heavy)
Temperature
Durat i on (how l ong it lasts)
Shape
These are some of the most c ommon submodal i t y di sti ncti ons that
peopl e make, not an exhausti ve list. Some submodal i t i es are
di scont i nuous or digital; like a l i ght swi tch, on or off, an experi ence
has to be one or the other. An exampl e woul d be associ ated or
di ssoci ated, a pi cture cannot be both at the same ti me. Most
submodal i ti es vary conti nuousl y, as if control l ed by a di mme r swi tch.
The y form a sort of sl i di ng scale, e.g. clarity, bri ghtness or vol ume.
Anal ogue i s the word used to describe these qualities that can vary
cont i nuousl y bet ween l i mi ts.
Ma ny of these submodal i ti es are enshri ned i n the phrases we use,
and i f you look to the list at the end of this chapter, you may see t hem
in a new l i ght or t hey may strike you differently, for they speak
vol umes about the ways our mi nds work. Submodal i t i es can be
thought of as the most f undament al operat i ng code of the human
brai n. It is si mpl y not possi bl e to thi nk any thought or recall any
experi ence wi t hout it havi ng a submodal i t y structure. It is easy to be
unaware of the submodal i t y structure of experi ence until you put your
consci ous attenti on on it.
The most i nteresti ng aspect of submodal i t i es i s what happens when
you change t hem. Some may be changed wi th i mpuni t y and make no
difference. Ot hers may be crucial to a parti cul ar memory, and
changi ng t hem changes the whol e way we feel about the experi ence.
Typically the i mpact and me ani ng of a me mor y or t hought is more
a functi on of a few critical submodal i t i es than it is of the content.
Once an event has happened, i t i s fi ni shed and we can never go back
and change it. After that, we are not respondi ng to the event any more,
but to our me mor y of the event, whi ch can be changed.
Try this experi ment. Go back to your pl easant experi ence. Make
sure you are associ ated i n the pi cture, seei ng i t as t hrough your own
eyes. Experi ence what this is like. Next di ssoci ate. Step out si de it and
vi ew the person who looks and sounds very like you. Thi s will al most
certainly change how you feel about the experi ence. Di ssoci at i ng from
a me mor y robs it of its emot i onal force. A pl easant me mor y will lose
its pleasure, an unpl easant one, its pai n. Whe n deal i ng wi th t rauma,
it is i mportant to di ssoci ate from the emot i onal pai n first, otherwi se
the whol e epi sode may be compl et el y bl ocked out of consci ousness and
be difficult if not i mpossi bl e to thi nk about. Di ssoci at i ng first puts the
feel i ngs at a safe di stance so they can be deal t wi th. Thi s is the basi s
of the phobi a cure set out i n Chapt er 8. The next ti me your brai n
conjures up a painful scene, di ssoci ate from it. To enjoy pl easant
memori es to the full, make sure you are associ ated. You can change
the way you think. Thi s is one essenti al piece of i nf ormat i on for the
unwri tten Brai n Us ers Manual .
Try this experi ment i n changi ng how you think and di scover whi ch
submodal i ti es are most critical for you.
Thi nk back to a specific si tuati on of emot i onal si gni fi cance that you
can remember well. First become aware of the vi sual part of the
memory. I magi ne yourself t urni ng the bri ghtness control up and
down, just as you woul d on a TV. Not i ce what difference it makes to
your experi ence whe n you do this. What bri ghtness do you prefer?
Finally put it back how it was originally.
Next bri ng the i mage closer, then push it far away. What difference
does this make and whi ch do you prefer? Put it back how it was.
Now, if it has colour, make it black and whi te. If it was black and
whi te give it colour. What is the difference and whi ch is better? Put
it back,
Next , does it have movement ? If so, slow it right down unti l it is
at a standstill. The n try speedi ng it up. Not i ce your preference and
put it back.
Fi nal l y try changi ng from associ ated to di ssoci ated and back.
Some or all of these changes will have a profound i mpact on how
you feel about that memory. You may like to leave the me mor y with
the submodal i ti es at the val ues you like best. You may not like the
default val ues your brai n has gi ven you. Do you remember choosi ng
them?
Now, carry on your experi ment with the other visual submodal i t i es
and observe what happens. Do the same for the audi tory and
ki nestheti c parts of the memory.
For most peopl e an experi ence will be most i ntense and memorabl e
if it is bi g, bright, colourful, cl ose and associ ated. If this is so for you,
then make sure you store your good memori es like this. By contrast,
make your unpl easant memori es smal l , dark, black and whi te, far
away and di ssoci ate from t hem. In both cases the cont ent of the
me mor y stays the same, it is how we remember it that has changed.
Bad thi ngs happen and have consequences that we have to live wi th,
but they need not haunt us. Thei r power to make us feel bad i n t he
here and now i s deri ved from the way we thi nk about t hem. The
crucial di sti ncti on to make is bet ween the actual event at the ti me, and
the me ani ng and power we gi ve i t by the way we remember it.
Perhaps you have an internal voi ce that nags you.
Sl ow it down.
No w speed i t up.
Experi ment wi th changi ng the tone.
Whi ch si de does i t come from?
What happens when you change i t to the other side?
What happens if you make it l ouder?
Or softer?
Tal ki ng to yourself can be made a real pl easure.
The voi ce may not even be your own. If it is not, ask it what is it
doi ng i nsi de your head.
Changi ng submodal i ti es is a mat t er of personal experi ence, difficult
to convey in words. Theory is arguabl e, experi ence is convi nci ng. You
can be the di rector of your own ment al fi l m show and deci de how you
want to thi nk, rather than be at t he mercy of the representati ons that
seem to arise of thei r own accord. Li ke tel evi si on i n summer, the brai n
shows a lot of repeats, many of whi ch are ol d, and not very good films.
You do not have to watch t hem.
Emot i ons come from somewhere, al though their cause may
be out of e oos dous awareness. Al so, emot i ons themsel ves art' a
ki nestheti c representati on and have wei ght, l ocati on and i ntensi ty;
they have submodal i ti es whi ch c an be changed. Feel i ngs are not
entirely i nvol untary and you can go a l ong way towards choosi ng
the feel i ngs you want. Emot i ons make excel l ent servants, but
tyranni cal masters.
Representati onal systems, accessi ng cues and submodal i t i es are
some of the essenti al bui l di ng bl ocks of the structure of our subjective
experi ence. It is no wonder that peopl e make different maps of the
worl d. The y will have different l ead and preferred representati onal
systems, different synesthesi as, and code their memori es wi th different
submodal i ti es. Whe n finally we use l anguage to communi cat e, i t i s
a wonder we understand each ot her as well as we do.
Examples of Sensory-Based Words and Phrases
VISUAL
Look, pi cture, focus, i magi nat i on, insight, scene, blank, vi sual i ze,
perspective, shi ne, reflect, clarify, exami ne, eye, focus, foresee,
i l l usi on, illustrate, noti ce, out l ook, reveal, preview, see, show, survey,
vi si on, watch, reveal, hazy, dark.
AUDITORY
Say, accent, rhyt hm, l oud, t one, resonate, sound, monot onous , deaf,
ring, ask, accent, audi bl e, clear, di scuss, procl ai m, remark, listen,
ring, shout, speechl ess, vocal, tell, si l ence, di ssonant, harmoni ous,
shrill, qui et, dumb.
KINESTHETIC
Touch, handl e, contact, push, rub, solid, warm, cold, rough, tackle,
push, pressure, sensi ti ve, stress, tangi bl e, tensi on, touch, concrete,
gentl e, grasp, hol d, scrape, sol i d, suffer, heavy, smoot h,
NEUTRAL
Deci de, think, remember, know, medi tate, recogni ze, attend,
understand, eval uate, process, deci de, l earn, moti vate, change,
consci ous, consider.
OLFACTORY
Scent ed, stale, fishy, nosy, fragrant, smoky, fresh.
GUSTATORY
Sour, flavour, bitter, taste, salty, juicy, sweet.
VISUAL PHRASES
I see what you mean.
I am l ooki ng cl osel y at the idea.
We see eye to eye.
I have a hazy noti on.
He has a blind spot.
Show me what you mean.
You'll took back on this and l augh.
Thi s will shed some light on the matter.
It col ours hi s vi ew of life.
It appears to me.
Beyond a shadow of doubt.
Taki ng a di m view.
The future looks bright.
The sol uti on flashed before his eyes.
Mi nd' s eye.
Si ght for sore eyes.
AUDITORY PHRASES
On the same wavel ength.
Li vi ng i n harmony.
That ' s all Greek to me.
A lot of mumbo j umbo.
Turn a deaf ear.
Ri ngs a bell.
Cal l i ng the tune.
Mus i c to my ears.
Word for word.
Unheard-of.
Cl earl y expressed.
Gi ve an audi ence.
Hol d your tongue.
In a manner of speaki ng.
Loud and clear.
KINESTHETIC PHRASES
1 will get in touch with you.
I can grasp that idea.
Hol d on a second.
I feel it in my bones.
A warm-hearted man.
A cool customer.
Thi c k ski nned.
Scratch the surface.
I can't put my finger on it.
Goi ng t o pi eces.
Control youself.
Fi rm f oundat i on.
Heat ed argument .
Not following the di scussi on.
Smoot h operator.
+8 Introducing Neuro-Linguistic Programming
OLFACTORY AND GUSTATORY PHRASES
Smel l a rat.
A fishy si tuati on.
A bitter pill.
Fresh as a daisy.
A taste for the good life.
A sweet person.
An acid comment .
CHAPTER
3
P HY S I OL OGI C A L STATES A N D
E MOT I ONA L F R E E DOM
Whe n peopl e are emot i onal l y and physically at a low ebb, we often
say that they are in 'an awful state'. In the same way, we recogni ze
that to make the most of a chal l enge, we must be 'in the right state
of mi nd' . What is a state of mi nd? Qui t e si mpl y it is all the t hought s,
emot i ons , and physi ol ogy that we express at that moment ; the ment al
pictures, sounds, feelings, and all the patterns of physi cal posture and
breathi ng. Mi nd and body are compl et el y i nt erconnect ed, so our
thoughts i mmedi at el y influence our physiology, and vi ce versa.
Our state of mi nd changes conti nual l y, and this i s one of the few
thi ngs about i t we can rely on. Whe n you change state, the whol e
worl d out there changes too. ( Or seems to.) We are usual l y more
consci ous of our emot i onal state t han of our physi ol ogy, posture,
gesture and breat hi ng patterns. In fact, emot i ons are often consi dered
to be beyond consci ous control , they are the vi si bl e tip of the iceberg.
We do not see the whol e physi ol ogy and t hought process that lies
underneat h and supports the emot i ons. Thes e are the submerged ni ne
tenths of the i ceberg. To try to i nfl uence the emot i ons wi thout
changi ng state is as futile as tryi ng to make the i ceberg di sappear by
sawi ng the top off it. More will si mpl y surface, unl ess you spend an
i nordi nate amount of energy hol di ng i t underwater, and this i s what
we often do, wi th drugs or willpower. For us, the mi nd l eads, and the
body follows obedi entl y. Thus habi tual emot i ons can be st amped ont o
a person' s face and posture, because the person does not noti ce how
the emot i ons moul d hi s or her physiology.
Try thi s experi ment . Take a moment to thi nk of some enjoyable
experi ence, a t i me when you felt really good. Whe n you have thought
of one, thi nk yourself back i nto that experi ence. Spend a mi nut e or
two re-experi enci ng it as fully as you can.
As you enjoy these pl easant feelings, look around you, noti ce what
you see and what sounds you are heari ng as you re-live this me mor y
Not i ce how you feel. Whe n you are ready, return to the present.
Not i ce the i mpact this has on your present state, especi al l y your
posture and your breathi ng. Past experi ences are not gone forever;
they can hel p you feel good i n the present. Al t hough the sights and
the sounds of the past are gone, when we ment al l y recreate t hem the
actual feel i ng is still as real and as tangi bl e as it was then. So regardless
of what you were feel i ng before you read this paragraph, you have just
put yourself in a more resourceful state.
Now, by contrast, thi nk back to a slightly uncomfortabl e past
experi ence. Whe n one comes to mi nd, i magi ne yourself back i n i t
agai n.
Back i n that si tuati on, what do you see?
What are you heari ng?
Not i ce how you feel.
Do not stay wi th this experi ence for very l ong, return to the present
and noti ce the effect this has had on you. Become aware of how you
feel after this experi ence compared wi t h how you felt after the previ ous
one. Not i ce too, your different posture and breat hi ng pattern.
Now change your emot i onal state. Do s ome kind of physical activity,
move your body and swi tch your attenti on from the me mor y to
s omet hi ng compl et el y different. Lookout of the wi ndow, j u mp up and
down, run to the other side of the room and touch the wall, or bend
down and t ouch your toes. Pay attenti on to the physical sensat i ons of
movi ng and to what you sense i n the here and now.
Thi s i s known as changi ng state or breaki ng state i n NLP terms,
and i s worth doi ng whenever you noti ce yoursel f feel i ng negati ve or
unresourceful. Whenever you remember unpl easant memori es and
access unresourceful states, your enti re body takes up these negati ve
states and hol ds t hem as patterns of muscl e tone, posture, and
breathi ng. Thes e physically stored memori es can cont ami nat e your
future experi ences for mi nut es or hours. We all know what it is like
to 'get out of bed on the wrong side*. Peopl e who suffer depressi on
have unconsci ousl y mast ered the ability to mai nt ai n an unresourceful
state for l ong periods. Ot hers have mastered the ability to change their
emot i onal state at will, creati ng for themsel ves an emot i onal freedom
that transforms the qual i ty of thei r lives. The y fully experi ence the
emot i onal ups and downs of life, but t hey l earn, move on, and do not
dwell on emot i onal pai n unnecessari l y
As we go through life we cont i nual l y move through different
emot i onal states, somet i mes quickly, somet i mes more gradual l y For
exampl e, you may be feel i ng qui te l ow and a fri end t el ephones wi th
some good news. Your spirits l i ghten. Or maybe i t i s a bright sunny
day and you open your mai l to find an unexpect edl y large bill. Ment al
cl ouds can cover a real sun.
We can i nfl uence our states, rather than si mpl y react to what
happens on the outsi de. In the last few mi nut es, you have felt good,
then uncomfortabl e, then , . . however you feel now. And not hi ng has
actually happened in the outsi de world. You have done this all
yourself.
E L I CI TATI ON
El i ci tati on i s the word used i n NLP to descri be the process of gui di ng
s omeone i nto a particular state. Thi s is an everyday skill under a
different l abel , for we are all greatly practised in put t i ng peopl e i nto
different moods, or bri ngi ng t hem out of moods . We do i t all the t i me
by our words, tonal i ty and gestures. Somet i mes , however, we do not
elicit what we want. Ho w many ti mes have you heard a phrase like,
' What ' s the matter wi th hi m, all I said was . . .'
The si mpl est way to elicit an emot i onal state i s to ask the person
to remember a past ti me when he was experi enci ng that emot i on. The
more expressi ve you are, the more expressi veness you will elicit. If
your voi ce tone, words, facial expressi on and body posture mat ch the
response you are aski ng for, you are more likely to get it.
All your efforts get results. If you are tryi ng to put s omeone in a
cal m resourceful state, it is usel ess tal ki ng in a l oud, fast tone of voice,
breat hi ng qui ckl y and shall owl y, and maki ng lots of fidgety
movement s. Despi te your soot hi ng words, the other person will
become more anxi ous. You need to do what you say. So i f you want
to l ead s omeone i nto a confi dent state, you ask hi m to remember a
parti cul ar ti me whe n he was confi dent. You speak clearly, in a
confi dent t one of voice, breathe evenly, with your head up, and your
posture erect. You act 'confident'. If your words are not congruent
wi th your body l anguage and voice t one, he will tend to follow the non-
verbal message.
It is i mportant t oo that the person remembers the experi ence as if
i nsi de it, not wat chi ng di ssoci ated from the outsi de. Bei ng associ ated
i n the si tuati on will bring back the feel i ngs more fully. I magi ne
wat chi ng s omeone else eat i ng your favourite fruit. Now i magi ne
yourself eat i ng the fruit. Whi ch is the more tasteful experi ence? To
elicit your own states, put yourself back in the experi ence as fully and
as vi vi dl y as possible.
C A L I B R A T I ON
Cal i brati on i s the NLP word that means recogni zi ng whe n peopl e are
in different states. Thi s is a skill that we all have and use in our
everyday lives, and one that is well worth devel opi ng and refining.
You di sti ngui sh the subtl y different expressi ons as others
experi ence different memori es, and different states. For exampl e,
whe n s omeone remembers a fri ghteni ng experi ence hi s lips may
become thi nner, his skin paler and hi s breat hi ng more shallow.
Whereas whe n he is rememberi ng a pl easurabl e experi ence, his lips
are more likely to be fuller, the skin col our more flushed and breat hi ng
deeper, wi th softeni ng of the facial muscl es.
Often our cal i brati on i s so poor that we onl y notice s omeone i s upset
whe n he starts to cry. We rely t oo much on peopl e tel l i ng us verbal l y
how t hey feel, i nstead of usi ng our eyes and ears. We do not want to
calibrate from a punch on the nose to know that a person is angry,
nor do we want to hal l uci nate all sorts of possibUities from a twi tch
of an eyebrow.
There i s an exerci se i n NLP trai ni ng that you may like to try wi th
a friend. Ask your friend to thi nk of a person he likes very much. As
he does this, noti ce hi s eye posi ti on, and angl e of his head. Al so noti ce
his breathi ng, is it deep or shallow, fast or slow, hi gh or low? Not i ce
too the differences in facial muscl e tone, skin colour, lip size, and tone
of voice. Pay attenti on to these subtl e si gns that are normal l y
di sregarded. The y are the out ward expressi on of i nner thoughts. The y
are those thoughts in the physi cal di mensi on.
Now ask your friend to thi nk of s omeone he dislikes. Not i ce the
difference in these si gns. Ask your friend to think of one, then the
other, until you are sure you can detect some differences i n his
physiology. In NLP terms, you have now cal i brated these two states
of mi nd. You know what they look like. Ask your friend to thi nk of
one of the peopl e, but wi t hout tel l i ng you whi ch one. You will know
whi ch one it is by readi ng the physi cal cues you have al ready
identified.
It s eems as if you are mi nd readi ng , . .
So we can refine our skills. Mos t l y we cal i brate unconsci ousl y. For
exampl e i f you ask a loved one whet her he or she woul d like to go out
for a meal , you will know intuitively, i mmedi at el y, before they open
their mout h what the answer will be. The ' yes' or ' no' i s the very last
step i n the thought process. We cannot hel p but respond wi th body,
mi nd and l anguage so deepl y are the three connect ed.
You may have had the experi ence of t al ki ng to s omeone and get t i ng
an i ntui ti on that he or she was l yi ng. You had probabl y cal i brated thi s
unconsci ousl y, and you got t he f eel i ng wi t hout knowi ng why. The
more you practise cal i brati on, t he better you will become. Some
differences bet ween states will be slight, s ome will be unmi st akabl e.
As you practise, subtl e changes wi l l become easi er t o detect. The
changes, no matter how small, were al ways there. As your senses
become sharper, you will detect t hem.
A N C H O R S
Emot i onal states have a powerful and pervasi ve i nfl uence on t hi nki ng
and behavi our. After el i ci ti ng and cal i brati ng t hese states, how can we
use t hem t o become more resourceful i n the present? We need s ome
way of maki ng t hem consi stentl y avai l abl e and stabi l i zi ng t hem i n t he
here and now.
I magi ne the i mpact on your life i f you coul d swi tch on your hi gh
performance states at will. Top performers in politics, sports, the arts,
and busi ness mus t be abl e t o be resourceful i n t he moment . The actor
mus t be able t o commi t hi msel f t o the role whe n t he curt ai n goes up,
not an hour before, or half way t hrough the second act. Thi s i s the
bottom l i ne of professi onal i sm.
It is just as i mportant to be abl e to swi tch off. The actor must be
able to drop hi s role when the curt ai n falls. Ma ny peopl e i n busi ness
become hi ghl y mot i vat ed, achi eve great t hi ngs, yet burn themsel ves
out and become unhappy, lose thei r fami l y life, or i n ext reme cases,
suffer a coronary. Managi ng our states needs bal ance and wi sdom.
We each have a personal hi story that is rich in different emot i onal
states. To re-experi ence t hem, we need a trigger, some associ ati on i n
the present to elicit the ori gi nal experi ence. Our mi nds natural l y link
experi ences, i t i s the way we give me ani ng t o what we do. Somet i mes
these associ ati ons are very enjoyabl e; for exampl e, a favourite pi ece
of musi c that bri ngs back a pl easant memory. Every ti me you hear
that parti cul ar tune, i t evokes t hose pl easant feel i ngs. And every t i me
it does that, it strengthens the associ ati on.
A sti mul us whi ch is linked to and triggers a physi ol ogi cal state is
called an anchor i n NLP. Ot her exampl es of natural l y occurri ng positive
anchors woul d be favourite phot ographs, evocati ve smel l s, or a loved
one' s special expressi on or voice tone.
Anchors are usually external . An al arm clock rings and it is ti me
to get up. The school bell si gnal s the end of pl ayti me. Thes e are
audi tory anchors. A red traffic light means stop. A nod of the head
means yes. Thes e are visual anchors. And the smell of newl y laid tar
mi ght take you back as if by magi c to a chi l dhood scene where you
first smelt it. Advertisers try to make their brand name an anchor for
a particular commodi t y.
An anchor i s anyt hi ng that accesses an emot i onal state, and they
are so obvi ous and wi despread that we hardly notice t hem. How are
anchors created? In one of two ways. First by repeti ti on. If you see
repeated i nstances of red bei ng associ ated wi th danger, i t will become
anchored. Thi s i s si mpl e l earni ng: red means danger. Secondly, and
much more i mportant, anchors can be set in a si ngl e i nstance if the
emot i on is strong and the t i mi ng is right. Repet i t i on is onl y needed
i f there i s no emot i onal i nvol vement . Thi nk back to when you were
at school (that' s a powerful anchor in itself), and f ound that s omet hi ng
i nteresti ng and exci ti ng was easy to l earn. Facts that di d not interest
you needed a lot of repeti ti on. The less emot i onal l y i nvol ved you are,
the more repeti ti ons are needed to learn the associ ati on.
Mos t associ ati ons are very useful. The y form habi ts and we coul d
not functi on wi thout t hem. If you are a driver you al ready have an
associ ati on bet ween a green light t urni ng to red and movi ng your feet
in a certai n way on the pedal s. Thi s is not an operati on you want to
have to think about consci ousl y every ti me, and i f you do not make
that associ ati on, you are not likely to survive for very l ong on the
roads.
Ot her associ ati ons, whi l e useful, may be less pleasant. The si ght of
a police car in your rear-vi ew dri vi ng mi rror is qui te likely to start
you wonderi ng about the state of your car, and what speed you are
travelling at.
Ot her associ ati ons are not useful. Many peopl e associ ate speaki ng
i n public wi th anxi et y and mi l d pani c attacks. The t hought of an
exami nat i on makes many peopl e feel nervous and uncertai n. Words
can act as anchors. The word ' test' i s an anchor for most
school chi l dren to feel anxi ous and not abl e to give of their best.
In extreme cases an external st i mul us can trigger a very powerful
negati ve state. Thi s i s the real m of phobi as. For exampl e, peopl e who
suffer from cl austrophobi a have l earnt a very powerful associ ati on
bet ween bei ng in a confi ned space and feeling pani c, and they always
make that associ ati on.
Many peopl e' s lives are unnecessari l y l i mi ted by fears from their
past history that have not yet been re-evaluated. Our mi nds cannot
hel p maki ng associ ati ons. Are t he ones you have made and are
maki ng, enjoyabl e, useful and empoweri ng?
We can choose the associ ati ons we want to make. You can take
whatever experi ences i n life you fi nd most difficult or most
chal l engi ng, and deci de i n advance what physi ol ogi cal state you woul d
like to be in to meet t hem. For any si tuati on you are unhappy about,
you can create a new associ ati on and therefore a new response by
usi ng anchors.
Thi s i s done i n two stages. First, you choose the emot i onal state you
want, then you associ ate it with a st i mul us or anchor so that you can
bri ng i t to mi nd whenever you want it. Sport smen use l ucky mascots
to harness their skill and stami na. You will often see sport smen goi ng
t hrough small ritual movement s that serve the same purpose.
Us i ng your resourceful states t hrough anchors i s one of the most
effective ways to change your own and other peopl e' s behavi our. If you
go i nto a si tuati on in a more resourceful state than you di d in the past,
your behavi our is bound to change for the better. Resourceful states
are the key to peak performance. Wh e n you change what you do, other
peopl e' s behavi our will also change. Your whol e experi ence of the
si tuati on will be different.
Cautionary note. The change t echni ques in this chapter and
throughout this book are very powerful , and this power comes mai nl y
from the skill of the person who uses them, A carpenter can make
superb furniture wi th preci si on tool s, the same tools i n the hands of
an apprenti ce will not get the same results. Si mi l arl y it takes practice
and work to get the best sound from a fine musi cal i nstrument.
In the course of trai ni ng many peopl e i n these skills, we have seen
the pitfalls in appl yi ng these t echni ques for the first time. We strongl y
recommend that you practise t hese techni ques in a safe context, like
an NLP trai ni ng semi nar, until you are confi dent, and your skill levels
are hi gh enough.
Next , the audi tory anchor. Thi s can be a word or phrase that you
say to yoursel f internally. It does not mat t er whi ch word or phrase you
use as l ong as it is in tune wi th the feeling. The way you say it, the
particular voice tone you use, will have as much i mpact as the word
or phrase itself. Make i t di sti ncti ve and memorabl e. For exampl e, i f
' confi dence' i s the resource state that you want to anchor, then you
mi ght say to yourself, ' I am f eel i ng more and more confident, ' or
simply, ' Conf i dence! ' Us e a conf i dent voi ce tone. Ma ke sure the
resource really i s appropri ate to the probl em si tuati on.
Now the vi sual anchor. You mi ght choose a symbol , or you can
remember what you were seei ng whe n you di d feel confi dent. As l ong
as the i mage you choose i s di sti ncti ve, and hel ps to evoke the feel i ng,
t hen i t will work.
Wh e n you have chosen an anchor i n each representati on system, the
next step i s to relive those feel i ngs of confi dence by vi vi dl y recreati ng
t he resource si tuati on. Step forward or change chai rs as you associ ate
fully i nt o the experi ence. Put t i ng different emot i onal states i n actual
different physical l ocati ons hel ps to separate t hem cleanly.
In your i magi nat i on, go back now to the specific resource state you
have chosen . . .
Re me mbe r where you were and what you were doi ng . . .
As that becomes clearer, i magi ne that you are ri ght back i n i t now
and that you are seei ng what you were seei ng . . .
You can begi n to hear whatever sounds you were heari ng and start
to re-experi ence those feel i ngs that were so strong a part of that
experi ence . . .
Take s ome ti me and enjoy rel i vi ng that experi ence as fully as
possi bl e . . .
To really get back i n t ouch wi t h your full body sense of your resource
state it often helps to act out your acti vi ti es in that mome nt agai n. You
may want t o put your body i nto that same posi t i on, doi ng the same
thi ngs that you were doi ng ( onl y if appropri ate) . . .
Whe n those feel i ngs have come to a peak and start to di mi ni sh,
physically move back to your uni nvol ved posi ti on. You have now f ound
out how best to recreate your resourceful state and how l ong i t takes
to do so.
Now you are ready to anchor t he resources. Step i nt o your pl ace
for t he resource state and re- experi ence i t agai n. As i t reaches its peak,
see your i mage, make your gesture and say your words. You must
connect your anchors to the resource state as it is comi ng to its peak.
The t i mi ng i s critical. If you connect t hem after the peak, you woul d
anchor goi ng out of the state, whi ch i s not what you want. The
sequence of anchors is not critical, use the order that works best for
you, or fi re them si mul taneousl y. Somet i me after your resourceful
feel i ngs have peaked, you will need to step out and change state before
you are ready to test the anchor.
Us e all three anchors i n the same way and the same sequence and
noti ce the extent to whi ch you do i ndeed access your resourceful state.
If you are not satisfied, go back and repeat the anchori ng process to
strengthen the associ ati on bet ween your anchors and your resourceful
state. You may need to repeat this a few ti mes and this is worth it to
be able to have that state when you need it.
Lastly, think of a future si tuati on where you are likely to want that
resourceful state. What can you use as a signal to let you know you
need that resource? Fi nd the first thi ng that you see, hear or feel that
lets you know that you are i n that si tuati on. The signal can be external
or i nternal . For exampl e, a particular expressi on on s omebody' s face
or their voice tone, woul d be an external signal. Starti ng an internal
di al ogue woul d be an i nternal signal. Bei ng aware that you have a
choi ce about how you feel is a resource state in itself, ft will also
i nterrupt the habi tual , anchored response. It is worth anchori ng this
awareness to the signal. The signal then acts as a remi nder that you
can choose your feel i ngs.
After a ti me, if you keep usi ng the anchor, the si gnal itself will
become an anchor for you to feel resourceful. The trigger that used
to make you feel bad, now becomes one that makes you feel st rong
and resourceful. Here is a s ummary of the basic steps of the process.
Anchors need to be:
Ti me d just as the state i s reachi ng its peak
Uni que and di sti ncti ve
Easy to repeat exacdy
Li nked to a state that is cl eanl y and compl et el y re-experi enced.
Anchoring Resourceful States Summary
1. Identi fy the si tuati on where you want to be more resourceful.
2. Identi fy the particular resource you want, e.g. confi dence.
3. Check the resource really is appropri ate by asking, 'If I coul d have
this resource here, woul d I really take i t?' If yes, proceed. If no,
go back to 2.
4. Fi nd an occasi on i n your life when you had that resource.
5. Sel ect the anchors you are goi ng to use i n each of the three mai n
representati on systems; s omet hi ng you see, hear, and feel.
6. Step i nto anot her l ocat i on and i n your i magi nat i on put yoursel f
fully back i nto the experi ence of that resourceful state. Re-
experi ence i t agai n. Whe n i t has peaked, change state and step out
of it.
7. Re- experi ence your resource state and as it comes up to peak,
connect the three anchors. Mold the state for as l ong as you want,
then change state.
8. Test the associ ati on by firing the anchors and conf i rmi ng that you
do i ndeed go i nto the state. If you are not satisfied, repeat step 7.
9. Identi fy the signal that lets you know you are in a probl em si tuati on
where you want to use your resource. Thi s si gnal will remi nd you
to use your anchor.
You can now use these anchors to s ummo n your resource state
whenever you wi sh. Re me mbe r to experi ment wi th this or any ot her
NLP techni que to fi nd the way that works best for you. Keep your
out come i n mi nd, (feel i ng more resourceful ), and play wi th the
t echni que unti l you succeed. Some peopl e find that si mpl y maki ng
their gesture (' fi ri ng' their ki nestheti c anchor) i s enough to produce
the resource state. Others want to cont i nue usi ng all three anchors.
You can use this process to anchor different resources. Some peopl e
anchor a different resource on each finger. Ot her peopl e connect many
different resource states to the same anchor to produce a very powerful
resource anchor. Thi s t echni que of addi ng different resources to the
same anchor is known as stacking resources.
Anchori ng and usi ng your resourceful states is a skill, and like all
skills, becomes easier and more effective the more you use it. Some
peopl e find it works dramati cal l y the very first ti me. Ot hers find they
need to practise to bui l d their compet ence at doi ng it as well as thei r
confi dence that it does i ndeed make a difference. Re me mbe r the
l earni ng model . If anchori ng i s new to you, congrat ul at i ons on passi ng
from unconsci ous i ncompet ence to consci ous i ncompet ence. Enjoy
this stage as you become consci ousl y compet ent .
Resource anchori ng is a t echni que for i ncreasi ng emot i onal choi ce.
Thi s cul ture, unlike some, bel i eves that emot i onal states are
involuntary, and created by external ci rcumst ances or ot her peopl e.
The uni verse may deal us a mi xed hand of cards, but we can choose
how and whe n t o pl ay t hem. As Al dous Huxl ey said, ' Experi ence i s
not what happens t o you, i t i s what you do wi t h what happens t o you. '
C H A I N I N G A N C H O R S
Anchors can be chai ned so that one l eads to another. Each anchor
provides a link in the chai n and triggers the next one, just as the
electrical i mpul se flows from nerve to nerve in our body. In a sense,
anchors are a mi rror on the outsi de of how we create a new neural
pathway in our nervous system bet ween an initial trigger and a new
response. Chai ni ng anchors allows us to move through a sequence of
different states easi l y and automatically. Chai ni ng is parti cul arl y
useful if the probl em state is st rong and the resource state is too far
away to reach in one stage.
For exampl e, thi nk of a si tuati on where you feel frustrated. Can you
identify the consi stent signal that triggers this feeling?
A tone of voi ce in your i nternal di al ogue?
A parti cul ar sensati on?
Somet hi ng you see?
It can often seem that the world is conspi ri ng against you, but you
can control how you react to the conspiracy. And the feel i ng of
frustration i s not goi ng to change the out si de worl d. Whe n you have
this interna] si gnal , deci de whi ch state you woul d like to move on to.
Curi osi ty perhaps? And from there maybe to creativity?
To set up your chai n, thi nk back to a ti me whe n you were i ntensel y
curi ous, and anchor it, perhaps kinesthetic ally, by a touch on your
hand. Break state, and then think yourself back to a ti me when you
were in a very creative state and anchor that, perhaps wi th a t ouch
on anot her place on your hand.
Next , take yoursel f back to a frustrating experi ence, and as soon
as you get the frustration si gnal , fire your anchor for curiosity, and
as the feel i ng of curi osi ty is peaki ng, touch your anchor for creativity.
Thi s establ i shes a neural network of associ ati ons that moves easi l y
from frustration t hrough curi osi ty to creativity. Practi se i t as many
ti mes as you wi sh so that the connect i on becomes automati c.
Onc e you can elicit, calibrate and anchor different emot i onal states,
you have a t remendousl y powerful tool for counsel l i ng and therapy.
You and your clients have qui ck and easy access to any emot i onal
state. Anchori ng can be used to assist clients to make changes
remarkabl y quickly, and can be done i n any system, vi sual , audi tory
or kinesthetic.
Introducing Neuro-Linguistic Programming 61
C OL L A P S I N G A N C H O R S
Ne w what woul d happen i f you tried to feel hot and col d at the same
time? What happens whe n you mi x yel l ow and bl ue? What happens
if you fire two opposi te anchors at once? You feel warm or green. To
collapse anchors, you anchor an unwant ed negati ve state (call it col d
or bl ue), and a posi ti ve state (call it hot or yel l ow), and fire the anchors
si mul taneousl y. After a short peri od of confusi on, the negati ve state
is changed, and a new and different state comes i nto bei ng. You can
use this t echni que of col l apsi ng anchors wi t h a friend or client. Here
i s an outl i ne of the steps; make sure you establ i sh and mai nt ai n
rapport throughout.
Collapse Anchors Summary
1. Identify the probl em state and a powerful positive state the person
woul d rather have available.
2. Elicit the posi ti ve state, and calibrate t he physi ol ogy so you can
di st i ngui sh it. Break state: have the cl i ent change to s ome other
state by di recti ng thei r attenti on el sewhere and aski ng hi m to move.
3. Elicit the desi red state agai n, and anchor it wi th a parti cul ar t ouch
and/ or word or phrase, then break state agai n.
4. Test the posi ti ve anchor to make sure it is establ i shed. Fire the
anchor by appl yi ng the same t ouch on the same spot and/ or sayi ng
the appropri ate words. Be sure that you do i ndeed see the
physi ol ogy of the desired state. If you do not, repeat steps 1 to 3
to make the associ ati on stronger. Whe n you have establ i shed a
positive anchor for the desi red state, break state.
5. Identi fy the negati ve state or experi ence, and repeat steps 2 to 4
usi ng the negati ve state, and anchor it wi t h a parti cul ar t ouch on
a different spot. Break state. Thi s establ i shes an anchor for the
probl em state.
6. Take the person through each state in turn, usi ng the anchors
alternately, sayi ng s omet hi ng like, ' So there are some t i mes whe n
you have felt "bl ue " (fire negati ve anchor) and in these si tuati ons
you woul d really rather feel "yel l ow" {fire posi ti ve anchor). ' Repeat
this a number of ti mes wi thout breaki ng state bet ween t hem.
7. Whe n you are ready, lead in with some appropri ate words such as,
' Not i ce any changes you become aware of
1
and fi re both anchors
at the same time. Watch the person' s physi ol ogy carefully. You will
probabl y see signs of change and confusi on. Remove the negati ve
anchor before the positive anchor.
8. l i s t your work ei ther by aski ng hi m to access the probl em state or
by firing the negati ve anchor. You shoul d see the person go i nto
a state s omewhere bet ween the two (different shades of green), or
a new and different state, or i nto the positive state. If you are still
getti ng the negati ve state, fi nd out what other resource the person
needs. Anchor that on the same spot as the fi rst posi ti ve resource
and t hen go on from step 6.
9. Finally, ask the person to thi nk of a si tuati on in the near future
where they mi ght have expect ed to feel negati ve, and ask hi m to
run through i t i n hi s i magi nat i on whi l e you not i ce hi s state. Li sten
as he descri bes it. If you are not happy wi t h hi s state or if he is still
unhappy about the prospect, fi nd out what other resources are
needed, and anchor those on the same spot as the first posi ti ve
resource, and then go on from step 6. Col l apse anchors will not
work unl ess the posi ti ve state is stronger than the negati ve, and you
may have to stack posi ti ve resources on one anchor to achi eve this.
One way of thi nki ng about what i s happeni ng i s that the nervous
syst em i s t ryi ng to engage two mut ual l y i ncompat i bl e states at the
same ti me. It cannot , so i t does s omet hi ng different. The ol d pattern
i s broken and new ones are created. Thi s expl ai ns the conf usi on that
often happens whe n the two anchors are col l apsed. Anchors al l ow
experi ences to be available by consci ousl y usi ng the natural processes
that we normal l y use unconsci ousl y. We anchor ourselves all the ti me,
usual l y i n a compl et el y haphazard way. Instead, we can be much more
sel ecti ve about what anchors we respond to.
C H A N G E P E R S ONA L HI STORY
Huma n experi ence onl y exists i n the present moment . The past exi sts
as memori es and to remember these we have to re-experi ence t hem
i n some way i n the present. The future exi sts as expect at i ons or
fantasies, agai n created i n the present. Anchori ng enabl es us to
i ncrease our emot i onal freedom by escapi ng from the tyranny of past
negati ve experi ences and creat i ng a more posi ti ve future.
Change Personal Hi st ory is a t echni que for re-eval uati ng
t roubl esome memori es i n the l i ght of present knowl edge. We all have
a rich personal hi story of past experi ences that exi st as memori es in
the present. Whi l e what actuaily happened (whatever that was, for
human memori es are fallible) cannot be changed, we can change its
meani ng for us i n the present, and therefore its effect on our
behaviour.
For exampl e, the feel i ng of j eal ousy i s al most always generated not
from what actual l y happened, but from constructed i mages of what
we bel i eve happened. We then feel bad i n response to those i mages.
The i mages are real enough t o cause s ome ext reme reacti ons, even
t hough they never happened.
If past experi ences were very traumati c or very i ntense, so that even
to thi nk about t hem causes pai n, then the phobi a cure i n Chapt er 8
is a better t echni que to use. It is desi gned for deal i ng wi th very i nt ense
negati ve emot i onal experi ences.
Change Personal Hi story i s useful whe n probl em feel i ngs or
behavi our keep recurri ng. The ' Why do I keep doi ng this?' type of
feeling. The fi rst step i n usi ng thi s t echni que wi th a client or friend
is, of course, to establ i sh and mai nt ai n rapport.
Change Personal History Summary
1. Identify the negati ve state, elicit it, cal i brate to it, anchor it and
then break state.
2. Hol d the negati ve anchor and ask the person to go back and thi nk
of a t i me when he had si mi l ar feelings. Cont i nue until you reach
the earliest experi ence the person can remember. Rel ease the
anchor, break state, and bri ng the cl i ent fully back to the present.
3. Ask the client, i n the light of what he now knows, to thi nk of what
resource he woul d have needed i n those past si tuati ons for t hem
to have been satisfying rather than probl emati c experi ences. He
will probabl y identify the resource wi t h a word or phrase like,
'security', ' bei ng loved', or ' understandi ng' . The resource must
come from wi thi n the person, and be under his control . Havi ng
other peopl e i n the si tuati on behave differently woul d not al l ow the
person to learn anyt hi ng new. He can elicit different responses from
the ot her peopl e i nvol ved, onl y i f he hi msel f i s different.
4. Elicit and anchor a specific and full experi ence of the necessary
resource state, and test this posi ti ve anchor.
5. Hol di ng the positive anchor, take the person back agai n to the
earliest experi ence. Invite hi m to watch hi msel f from the outsi de
(di ssoci ated) with this new resource and noti ce how i t changes hi s
experi ence. The n invite hi m to step inside the si tuati on (associ ated)
wi t h the resource, (you are still hol di ng the anchor) and run the
experi ence through as i f i t were happeni ng agai n. Ask hi m to noti ce
the other peopl e' s responses i n the si tuati on, now he has this new
resource. Invite hi m to i magi ne what he woul d be like from their
poi nt of view, so he can get a sense of how t hey percei ve this new
behavi our. If he is dissatisfied at any stage, go back to step 4,
identify and stack other resources to bri ng to the earlier si tuati on.
Whe n the person is satisfied, experi ences the si tuati on as different,
and can l earn from it, remove the anchor and break state.
6. Test the change wi t hout usi ng any anchors by aski ng the cl i ent to
remember the past experi ence and noti ce how those memori es have
changed. Pay attenti on to hi s physiology. If there are si gns of the
negati ve state go back to step 4 and stack more resources.
F UT UR E P ACI NG
Experi enci ng a si tuati on in advance is called future paci ng in NLP,
and i s the fi nal step i n many NLP techni ques. You step i nto the future
i n i magi nat i on wi th the ne w resources you have, and experi ence i n
advance how you wi sh i t to be. For exampl e, the future pace i n Change
Personal Hi st ory is to ask the person to i magi ne the next ti me the
probl em si tuati on i s likely to recur. As he does this, you cal i brate to
see if there is any si gn of a slip back i nto the negati ve state. If there
is, then you know there i s more work to be done.
Future paci ng tests if your work is effective. It is the nearest you
can get to bei ng in the probl em si tuati on. However, the real test of
any change i s the next t i me the person encount ers the probl em for
real. Insi ghts and changes can easi l y get anchored to the psychol ogi cal
consul t i ng room. Learni ng gets anchored to the cl assroom, and
busi ness plans to the board room. The real worl d is the real test.
Secondl y, future paci ng is a form of mental rehearsal. Ment al
preparati on and practice is a consi stent pattern that is found in all
top performers: actors, musi ci ans, sal esmen, and parti cul arl y
sportsmen. Whol e t rai ni ng programmes are built around this one
el ement . Ment al rehearsal i s practice i n the i magi nat i on, and since
the body and mi nd form one system, i t prepares and pri mes the body
for the actual si tuati on.
Gi vi ng the brai n strong posi ti ve i mages of success programs i t to
think i n those terms, and makes success more l i kel y Expect at i ons are
self-fulfilling propheci es. Thes e i deas of future paci ng and mental
rehearsal can be used to learn from every day, and to generate new
behavi our. You mi ght like to run through the following steps each
ni ght before goi ng to sleep.
As you review the day, choose s omet hi ng you di d very well, and
somet hi ng you are not so happy wi th. See both scenes agai n, rehear
the sounds, experi ence them again i n an associ ated way. The n step
out of t hem and ask yourself, ' What coul d I have done differently?'
What were the choi ce poi nts i n these experi ences? How coul d the good
experi ences become even better? You may well identify some ot her
choi ces you coul d have made i n the not so good experi ence.
Now replay the experi ences fully, but wi th you behavi ng differently.
What does this look like? Ho w does i t sound? Check your feel i ngs.
Thi s little ritual will bui l d in choi ces. You may identify a signal in the
not so good experi ence that will alert you the next ti me it happens,
to use another choice that you have al ready ment al l y rehearsed.
3 1
Replay and create
new choi ces
Remember
and
replay
4
Does it
feel right?
Ask yourself
' What could I have
done differently P
You can use this type of t echni que for generat i ng enti rel y new
behavi our, or for changi ng and i mprovi ng s omet hi ng you al ready do.
N E W B E HAV I OUR GE NE R AT OR
Thi s is the more general t echni que to use if there is some new
behavi our you want, or one that you woul d like to change or i mprove.
For exampl e, you may want to i mprove at your favourite sport. Watch
yoursel f i n your i magi nat i on behavi ng the way you woul d like to,
hi tti ng the t enni s serve just right for exampl e. If this is difficult, watch
a role model doi ng the behavi our. Take the di rector' s chai r of the i nner
fi l m. Be Steven Spi el berg i n your i magi nat i on. Watch the scene as i t
unfolds before your i nner eye. Stay di ssoci ated as you listen to, and
edi t the soundtrack. You are the star as well as the director. If there
are any other peopl e i nvol ved, noti ce their responses to what you are
doi ng.
Di rect the scene and edit the soundtrack until you are compl et el y
satisfied, then step i nsi de that i mage of yourself and run it through
as t hough you are doi ng it. As you do this, pay particular attenti on
to bot h your feel i ngs, and the responses of the peopl e around you.
Does this new behavi our represent your val ues and your personal
integrity?
If it does not feel right, go back to the di rector' s chai r and change
the fi l m before st eppi ng back i nto it. Whe n you are happy wi th your
i magi ned performance, identify an i nternal or external si gnal that you
can use to trigger this behavi our. Ment al l y rehearse not i ci ng the signal
and goi ng through the new behavi our.
The new behavi our generator i s a si mpl e but powerful techni que
to use i n your personal and professional devel opment . Every
experi ence becomes an opport uni t y for l earni ng. The more you do
this, the faster you move towards becomi ng the person you really want
to be.
CHAPTER
4
No man i s an island entire unt o hi msel f
John Donne
L OOP S A N D SYSTEMS
Communi cat i on can be treated as si mpl e cause and effect. Isolate one
i nteracti on, treat it as a cause, and anal yse the effect it has wi thout
consi deri ng further i nfl uences. We often talk as if this is what happens,
but it is clearly a great si mpl i fi cati on.
The laws of cause and effect work for i nani mat e objects; i f one
billiard ball col l i des wi th another, you can predict wi th a fair amount
of accuracy the final resti ng pl ace of each. After the initial col l i si on
they no l onger influence each other.
Li vi ng syst ems are another matter. If I kick a dog, I coul d calculate
the force and mome nt um of my foot and work out exactl y how far the
dog shoul d travel in a particular di recti on, gi ven its si ze and wei ght.
The reality woul d be a bit different - if I were to be foolish enough
to kick a dog, it mi ght turn round and bite my leg. The dog' s final
resting place is very unl i kel y to be anyt hi ng to do wi th Newt on' s laws
of mot i on.
Huma n rel ati onshi ps are compl ex - many thi ngs happen
si mul taneousl y. You cannot predict exactl y what will occur, because
one person' s response i nfl uences the other person' s communi cat i on.
The rel ati onshi p is a loop; we are cont i nuousl y respondi ng to feedback
i n order to know what to do next. Focusi ng on onl y one side of the
l oop i s like tryi ng to understand tenni s by st udyi ng onl y one end of
the court. You could spend a lifetime fi guri ng out how hi tti ng the ball
' causes' it to come back, and the laws that det ermi ne what the next
shot must be. Our consci ous mi nd i s l i mi ted and can never see the
whol e l oop of communi cat i on, onl y small parts of it.
The cont ent and the context of a communi cat i on combi ne to make
the meani ng. The context i s the total setting, the whol e system that
enfol ds it. What does one pi ece of a j i gsaw mean? Not hi ng in itself;
it depends where it goes in the total pi cture, where it fits and what
rel ati onshi p it has to the other pi eces.
What does a musi cal note mean? Very little on its own, it depends
how i t relates to the notes around it, how hi gh or l ow i t is, and how
l ong i t lasts. The same not e can sound qui te different i f the notes
around it change.
There are two mai n ways of underst andi ng experi ence and events.
You can focus on the content, i nformati on. What i s this piece? What
is it cal l ed? What does it look like? Ho w is it like others? Most
educati on is like this; j i gsaw pi eces can be i nteresti ng and beautiful
to study i n i sol ati on, but you onl y get a one di mensi onal
understandi ng. Unders t andi ng i n depth needs anot her vi ewpoi nt:
rel ati onshi p or context. What does the pi ece mean? How does i t relate
to others? Where does it fit i nto the system?
Our i nner world of beliefs, thoughts, representati onal systems and
submodal i ti es also form a system. Changi ng one can have wi despread
effects and will generate other changes, as you will have di scovered
when you experi ment ed wi th changi ng the submodal i ti es of your
experi ence.
A few well chosen words at just the right ti me can transform a
person' s life. Changi ng one small pi ece of a memory can alter your
whol e state of mi nd. Thi s i s what happens when you deal with syst ems
- one small push in the right di recti on can generate profound change,
and you have to know where to push. Tryi ng is useless. You can try
really hard to feel better and finish feel i ng worse. Tryi ng is like
at t empt i ng to force a door i nwards, you can waste a lot of energy
before you realize i t actual l y opens outwards.
Whe n we act to achi eve our goal s, we need to check that there are
no i nner reservati ons or doubt s. We need al so to pay attenti on to the
out er ecol ogy and appreci ate the effect our goals will have on our
wi der system of rel ati onshi ps.
So the results of our acti ons come back to us i n a l oop.
Communi cat i on is a rel ati onshi p, not a one- way passage of
i nformati on. You cannot be a teacher wi t hout a student, or a seller
wi t hout a buyer, a counsel l or wi t hout a client. Act i ng whol eheart edl y
wi th wi s dom means appreci ati ng the rel ati onshi ps and i nteracti ons
bet ween ourselves and others. The bal ance and rel ati onshi p bet ween
parts of our mi nd will be a mi rror of the bal ance and rel ati onshi ps
we have wi th the outsi de world. NLP t hi nki ng i s i n terms of systems.
For exampl e Gregory Bateson, one of the most influential fi gures i n
the devel opment of NLP, appl i ed cybernet i c or systems thi nki ng to
biology, evol uti on and psychol ogy, whi l e Vi rgi ni a Satir, the world-
f amous fami l y therapist, and al so one of the ori gi nal model s for NLP,
treated a fami l y as a bal anced syst em of rel ati onshi ps, not a col l ecti on
of i ndi vi dual s wi th probl ems to be fixed. Each person was a val uabl e
part. She hel ped the fami l y to achi eve a better and heal thi er bal ance,
and her art lay i n knowi ng exactl y where to i ntervene and exactl y
whi ch person needed to change so that all the rel ati onshi ps i mproved.
As wi th a kal ei doscope, you cannot change one pi ece wi t hout
changi ng the whol e pattern. But, whi ch bit do you change to create
the pattern you want? Thi s is the art of effective therapy.
The best way to change others i s to change yourself. The n you
change your rel ati onshi ps and other peopl e must change too.
Somet i mes we spend a lot of ti me on one level t ryi ng to change
somebody, whi l e on anot her level behavi ng in a way that exacdy
reinforces what they are doi ng. Ri chard Bandi er calls this the ' Go
away . . . closer . , ,' pattern.
There i s a ni ce met aphor from physi cs known as the Butterfly
Effect. In theory, the movement of a butterfl y' s wi ng can change the
weather on the other side of the globe, for it mi ght just di sturb the
air pressure at a critical ti me and place. In a compl ex system a smal l
change can have a huge effect.
So not all el ement s i n a system are equal l y i mportant. Some can
be changed with little effect, but others will have a wi despread
influence. If you want to i nduce changes in your pulse, appeti te, life
span and growth rate, you need only tamper wi th a small gl and called
the pi tui tary at the base of your skull. It is the body' s nearest
equi val ent to a mast er control panel. It works in the same way a
thermostat control s a central heat i ng system. You can set the radiators
i ndi vi dual l y, but the thermostat control s t hem all. The thermostat i s
on a hi gher logical level than the radiators it controls.
NLP identifies and uses the successful el ement s that different
psychol ogi es have i n c ommon. The human brai n has the same
structure the worl d over, and has generat ed all the different
psychol ogi cal theories, so they are bound to share some basi c patterns.
Because NLP takes patterns across the whol e field, it is on a different
logical level. A book about how to make maps is on a different level
to the vari ous books of maps, even though it is another book.
L E A R N I N G L OOP S
We l earn from our mi stakes, muc h more than from our successes.
They gi ve us useful feedback, and we spend a lot more t i me t hi nki ng
about t hem. We rarely get somet hi ng right first t i me, unl ess it is very
si mpl e, and even then there will be room for i mprovement . We l earn
by a series of successive approxi mat i ons. We do what we can (the
present state) and compare that to what we want (desi red state). We
use this as feedback to act agai n and reduce the difference bet ween
what we want, and what we are getti ng. Sl owl y we approach our goal.
Thi s compari son dri ves our l earni ng at every level t hrough consci ous
i ncompet ence to unconsci ous compet ence.
Thi s is a general model of the way to become more effective at
anyt hi ng you do. You compare what you have wi t h what you want ,
and act t o reduce the mi smat ch. The n you compare agai n. The
compari son will be based on your values: what i s i mport ant to you
in that si tuati on. For exampl e, in checki ng over these pages, I have
to deci de whet her they are good enough or whet her they need
rewriting. My val ues are clarity of me ani ng (from the reader' s
vi ewpoi nt , not mi ne) , correctness of grammar and the fl ow of the
words.
I also need to deci de on my evi dence procedure. Ho w will I know
that it meets my values? If I have no evi dence procedure I coul d go
round and round the l oop forever, because I will never know when
to stop. Thi s is a trap for authors who spend years correcti ng their
manuscri pt to get it perfect and never publ i sh at all. Evi dence in my
exampl e woul d involve put t i ng the text t hrough the spell checker
initially, t hen showi ng it to friends whose advi ce I value and get t i ng
their feedback. I woul d make al terati ons based on that feedback.
The model i s known as the TOTE model , whi ch stands for Tes t -
Operat e- Test - Exi t . The compari son i s the Test. The Operat i on i s
where you appl y your resources. Test by compari ng agai n and Exi t
from the l oop when your evi dence procedure tells you your out come
has been achi eved. Ho w successful you are will depend on the numbe r
of choi ces of operati ons you have: your fl exi bi l i ty of behavi our, or
requi si te variety, a term from cyberneti cs. So the j ourney from present
state to desi red state is not even a zi g- zag after all, but a spiral.
There will probabl y be smal l er l oops like this goi ng on wi thi n the
larger one: smal l er out comes that you need to achieve the mai n one.
The whol e system fits together like a col l ecti on of Chi nese boxes. In
this model of l earni ng, mi stakes are useful, for they are results you
do not want i n this context. The y can be used as feedback to get closer
to your goal.
Chi l dren are taught many subjects at school and forget most of
t hem. The y are not usual l y taught how to learn. Learni ng to learn
is a hi gher level skill than l earni ng any parti cul ar material. NLP deal s
wi th how to become a better learner, regardless of the subject. The
qui ckest and most effective way to learn is to use what happens
naturally, and easily. Learni ng and change is often thought to be a
slow, painful process. Thi s i s not true. There are sl ow and painful ways
of l earni ng and changi ng, but usi ng NLP i s not one of t hem.
Robert Di l ts has devel oped a t echni que for converti ng what coul d
be l ooked on as failure i nto feedback, and l earni ng from it. It is easiest
wi th anot her person taki ng you through t he fol l owi ng steps.
FAI LURE TO F E E DB ACK
1. What is the probl em atti tude or belief? Are all your Do-It-Yourself
projects endi ng i n i gnomi ny? Are your attempts at cooki ng good
news for the local take-away restaurants? In what area are you
getti ng unwant ed results? Do you believe that you cannot do
somet hi ng, or are not very good at it?
As you think about the probl em, what i s your physi ol ogy and
eye accessi ng posi ti on? Thi nki ng about failure will usual l y involve
a bad feeling, pi ctures of specific ti mes you failed, and perhaps
some internal voi ce repri mandi ng you, all at the same time. You
cannot deal with them all together. You need to find out what is
happeni ng i nternal l y in each of the representati onal systems
separately.
2. Look down right and get in touch wi th the feeling. What is the
feel i ng by itself tryi ng to do for you? What is its positive i ntenti on?
l b moti vate you perhaps? Or protect you?
Look down left. Is there a message i n t he words taken i n isolation
that coul d be helpful?
Look up left and see the pi ctures of the memori es. Is there
somet hi ng new you can learn from them? Start to get a more
realistic perspecti ve on the probl em. You are capabl e of more than
this. Not i ce how there are posi ti ve resources mi xed i n wi th the
memori es of the probl em. Rel ate the words, pictures and feelings
to the desi red goal. How can they hel p you achi eve it?
3. Identi fy a posi ti ve, resourceful experi ence to come, s omet hi ng you
are sure you can achi eve i n t he future. Thi s need not be somet hi ng
moment ous . Identi fy the mai n vi sual , audi tory and ki nestheti c
submodal i t i es of the way you thi nk about this experi ence. Anchor
the experi ence ki nestheti cal l y by touch. Check that when you fi re
the anchor, you access the resource experi ence. Thi s is a reference
experi ence of what you know you can achi eve.
4. Look up and right and construct a pi cture of a desi red goal or
atti tude that takes i nto account what you have l earned from the
feelings, pictures and words associ ated wi th the probl em belief.
Check that it is in harmony wi th your personal i ty and rel ati onshi ps.
Be sure there is a clear connect i on bet ween the memori es and the
posi ti ve goal or attitude. You may want to modi fy the goal wi th
what you l earned from l ooki ng at the memori es.
5. Make the submodal i t i es of the desi red goal the same as those of
the positive reference experi ence, hol d the anchor for the reference
experi ence as you do this. The entire process will enabl e you to
learn from what i s past and free your expect at i on of t he future from
the grip of past failure. You will be t hi nki ng about your goal wi th
submodal i t i es of posi ti ve anti ci pati on.
L E VE L S OF L E A R N I N G
Learni ng at the si mpl est level is trial and error wi th or wi t hout
gui dance. You learn to make the best choi ce available, the ' ri ght'
answer. Thi s may take one trial, or many trials. You learn to write,
to spell, that red traffic lights mean, stop. You start from unconsci ous
i ncompet ence and progress to consci ous compet ence by goi ng through
the l earni ng l oop.
Onc e a response becomes a habi t, you stop l earni ng. Theoreti cal l y,
you coul d act differently, but i n practice you do not. Habi t s are
ext remel y useful, t hey streaml i ne the parts of our lives we do not want
t o thi nk about. How t edi ous t o deci de how t o do up your shoel aces
every morni ng. Defi ni tel y not an area to engage your creativity. But
there is an art to deci di ng what parts of your life you want to turn
over to habit, and what parts of your life you want to cont i nue to l earn
from and have choi ce about . Thi s is a key questi on of bal ance.
Thi s quest i on actual l y takes you up a level. You can look at the skills
you have l earned, and choose bet ween t hem, or create new choi ces that
will fulfil the same i ntenti on. Now you can l earn to be a better learner,
by choosi ng how you are goi ng to l earn.
The poor man who was granted three wi shes i n the fairy story,
obvi ousl y di d not know about levels of l earni ng. If he had known,
i nstead of usi ng hi s last wi sh to restore the status quo, he woul d have
wi shed for three more wi shes.
Chi l dren l earn at school that 4 + 4 - 8. At one level this is si mpl e
l earni ng. You do not need to understand, just remember. There i s an
aut omat i c associ ati on; it has been anchored. Left at this level, this
woul d me a n that 3 + 5 cannot make 8 because 4 + 4 do. Obvi ousl y
l earni ng mat hemat i cs this way i s useless. Unl es s you connect your
i deas to a hi gher level, they remai n l i mi ted to a parti cul ar context.
True l earni ng involves l earni ng other ways of doi ng what you can do
already. You learn that 1 and 7 make 8 and so do 2 and 6. Then you
can go up a level and underst and the rules behi nd these answers.
Knowi ng what you want, you can fi nd different creati ve ways of
sati sfyi ng it. Some peopl e will change what t hey want rather than what
they are doi ng to get it. The y gi ve up tryi ng to get 8 because they are
det ermi ned to use 3 + 4, and it will not work out . Ot hers may al ways
use 4 + 4 to make 8, never anyt hi ng else.
The so-cal l ed ' hi dden curri cul um' of school s i s an exampl e of
hi gher level l earni ng. Regardl ess of what is learnt, how is it learnt?
Nobody consci ousl y teaches the val ues of the hi dden curri cul um, i t
is the school as a context, and has a greater i nfl uence on chi l dren' s
behavi our than the formal l essons. If chi l dren never l earn that there
are any other ways to learn than passively, by repeti ti on, in a peer
group, and from s omeone i n authority, they are i n an anal ogous
posi ti on at a hi gher level to the chi l d who l earns that 4 + 4 is the onl y
way to make 8.
A still hi gher level of l earni ng results in a profound change in the
way we thi nk about oursel ves and the world. It involves underst andi ng
the rel ati onshi ps and paradoxes of the different ways we learn to l earn.
Gregory Bateson tells an i nteresti ng story in his book Steps to the
Ecology of Mind about the ti me he was i nvol ved in st udyi ng the
communi cat i on patterns of dol phi ns at the Mari ne Research Institute
i n Hawai i . He woul d watch the trainers teach the dol phi ns to do tricks
for a payi ng audi ence. On the first day, whe n the dol phi n did
somet hi ng unusual , such as j umpi ng out from the water, the trainer
bl ew a whi stl e and threw the dol phi n a fish as a reward. Every t i me
the dol phi n behaved that way, the trai ner woul d bl ow the whi stl e and
throw the dol phi n a fish. Very soon the dol phi n learned that this
behavi our guaranteed a fish; it woul d repeat it more and more and
come to expect the reward.
The next day the dol phi n woul d come out and do its j ump,
expect i ng a fi sh, but none was forthcomi ng. The dol phi n woul d repeat
its j ump fruitlessly for some ti me, then i n annoyance do somet hi ng
else such as rolling over. The trai ner then bl ew the whi s de and threw
the dol phi n a fi sh. The dol phi n then repeated this new trick, and was
rewarded wi th fi sh. No fi sh for yesterday' s trick, onl y for somet hi ng
new. Thi s pattern was repeated for 34 days. The dol phi n woul d come
out and do the trick it had l earned the day before for some ti me to
no avail. Whe n i t di d s omet hi ng new, i t was rewarded. Thi s was
probabl y very frustrating for the dol phi n. On the fi fteenth day
however, it suddenl y appeared to l earn the rules of the game. It went
wild and put on an amazi ng show, i ncl udi ng ei ght new unusual
behavi ours, four of whi ch had never been observed i n the speci es
before. The dol phi n had moved up a l earni ng level. It s eemed to
understand not onl y how to generate new behavi ours, but the rules
about how and when t o generate t hem.
One further point: duri ng the 14 days Bat eson saw the trainer
throwi ng unearned fi sh for the dol phi n outsi de the trai ni ng context.
Whe n he quest i oned this, the trainer replied, ' Thai i s to keep my
rel ati onshi p wi t h hi m. If I do not have a good rel ati onshi p, he is not
goi ng to bot her about l earni ng anythi ng. '
DE S CR I P T I ONS OF RE AL I TY
To learn the most from any si tuati on or experi ence, you will need to
gather i nformati on from as many poi nts of vi ew as possible. Each
representati onal system gives a different way of descri bi ng reality.
Ne w i deas emerge from these different descri pti ons as whi t e l i ght
emerges when you combi ne the col ours of the rainbow. You cannot
functi on wi t h just one representati onal system. You need at least two,
one to take in the i nformati on, and anot her to interpret it in a different
way.
In the same way any single person' s vi ewpoi nt will have blind spots
caused by thei r their habi tual ways of percei vi ng the world, their
perceptual filters. By devel opi ng the skill of seei ng the worl d from
other peopl e' s poi nts of vi ew we have a way of seei ng through our own
bl i nd spots, in the way that we ask a friend for advi ce and a different
vi ewpoi nt if we are stuck. Ho w can we shift our percepti ons to get
outsi de our own l i mi t ed worl d view?
TRI P L E DE S C R I P T I ON
There is a mi ni mum of three ways we can look at our experi ence. In
the most recent work by John Gri nder and Judi t h DeLozi er they are
called fi rst, second and third perceptual posi ti ons. Firstly, you can look
at the world compl et el y from your own poi nt of view, your own reality
wi t hi n yourself, in a compl et el y associ ated way, and not take anyone
el se' s poi nt of vi ew i nto account. You si mpl y think, ' How does this
affect me?' Thi nk back and concentrate on a ti me whe n you were
i ntensel y aware of what you t hought , regardless of anyone el se i n the
si tuati on. Thi s i s called 'first posi ti on' {and you have just experi enced
it as you concentrated on your own reality, regardless of the i nstance
you sel ected).
Secondl y, you can consi der how it woul d look, feel and sound from
another person' s poi nt of view. It is obvi ous that the same si tuati on
or behavi our can me an different thi ngs to different peopl e, it is
essenti al to appreci ate another person' s poi nt of vi ew and ask, ' How
woul d thi s appear to t hem?' Thi s i s called ' second position', often
known as e mpat hy If you are i n conflict wi th another person, you need
to appreci ate how they feel about what you are doi ng. The stronger
the rapport you have wi th the other person, the better you will be able
to appreci ate their reality, and the more skilled you will be at achi evi ng
second posi ti on.
Thirdly, you can have the experi ence of seei ng the worl d from an
out si de poi nt of view, as if you are a compl et el y i ndependent observer,
s omeone wi th no personal i nvol vement i n the si tuati on. Ask, ' How
woul d this look to s omeone who i s not i nvol ved?' Thi s gives you an
objective vi ewpoi nt and is known as 'third position'. It is on a different
level to the other two, but it is not superior. Thi r d posi t i on is different
from bei ng di ssoci ated. For third posi ti on to be useful you need to be
in a strong, resourceful state. You take an objective and resourceful
vi ew of your own behavi our so you can eval uate and generate some
useful choi ces in any difficult si tuati on. Bei ng able to take a third
posi ti on vi ew of a probl em is a very useful skill and can save you a
lot of the stress and troubl e that results from hasty acti ons. All three
posi ti ons are equal l y i mportant, the poi nt i s to be abl e to move
bet ween t hem freely. Someone stuck i n fi rst posi ti on will be an
egoistical monster, s omeone habi tual l y i n second will be undul y
i nfl uenced by other peopl e' s vi ews. Someone habi tual l y i n third will
be a detached observer of life.
The i dea of triple descri pti on i s j ust one aspect of the approach
taken by John Gri nder and Judi t h DeLozi er in their book, Turtles All
the Way Down, to descri be NLP in a si mpl er way. The approach is
known as the ' new code' of NLP, and focuses on achi evi ng a wi se
bal ance bet ween consci ous and unconsci ous processes.
We all spend ti me in these three posi ti ons, we do them naturally,
and they hel p us to understand any si tuati on or out come better. The
abi l i ty to move cl eanl y bet ween t hem, consci ousl y or unconsci ousl y,
i s necessary to act wi t h wi s dom, and to appreci ate the wonderful
compl exi t y of our rel ati onshi ps. The di fferences you see whe n you look
at the world in different ways, are what give it richness and what gives
you choi ce. First, second and third posi ti ons are an explicit
recogni ti on that the map is not the territory. There are many different
maps.
The i dea i s to be aware of difference, rather than try to i mpose
uniformity. It is the difference and the t ensi on bet ween these different
ways of l ooki ng at the worl d that is i mportant. Exci t ement and
i nventi on comes from seei ng thi ngs In a different way Samenes s
breeds boredom, medi ocri t y and struggle. In bi ol ogi cal evol ut i on i t
is the speci es that are the same that come i nto conflict and struggl e
to survive. Wars erupt when peopl e want exactl y the same scarce
resources. Wi s dom comes from bal ance, and you cannot bal ance
unl ess there are different forces to be bal anced.
ROB E RT DI LTS' UNI F I E D FI ELD OF NL P
Robert Di l ts has bui l t a si mpl e, el egant model for t hi nki ng about
personal change, l earni ng and communi cat i on that bri ngs together
these ideas of context, rel ati onshi p, levels of l earni ng and perceptual
posi ti on. It also forms a context for thi nki ng about the techni ques of
NLP, and gives a framework for organi zi ng and gat heri ng
i nformati on, so you can identify the best poi nt to i ntervene to make
the desired change. We do not change i n bits and pi eces, but
organically. The questi on is, exactl y where does the butterfly have to
move its wi ngs? Where to push to make a difference?
Learni ng and change can take pl ace at different levels.
1. Spiritual
Thi s i s the deepest l evel , where we consi der and act out the great
metaphysi cal questi ons. Why are we here? What i s our purpose? The
spiritual level gui des and shapes our lives, and underpi ns our
exi stence. Any change at thi s level has profound repercussi ons on all
other l evel s, as St Paul found on the road to Damas cus . In one sense
it cont ai ns everythi ng we are and do, and yet is none of those thi ngs.
2. Identity
Thi s i s my basic sense of self, my core val ues and mi ssi on i n life.
3. Beliefs
The vari ous i deas we think are true, and use as a basis for dai l y acti on.
Beliefs can be bot h permi ssi ons and l i mi tati ons.
4. Capability
Thes e are the groups or sets of behavi ours, general skills and strategies
that we use in our life.
5. Behaviour
The specific acti ons we carry out , regardless of our capability.
6. Environment
What we react to, our surroundi ngs, and the other peopl e we meet .
l b take an exampl e of a sal esman t hi nki ng about hi s work at these
different levels:
Environment: Thi s nei ghbourhood is a good area for my work in selling.
Behaviour: I made that sale today.
Capability: I can sell this product to peopl e.
Belief: If I do well at sales, I coul d be promot ed.
Identity: I am a good sal esman.
Thi s i s an exampl e of success. The model can equal l y wel l be appl i ed
Neurological Levels
to probl ems. For exampl e, I mi ght mi sspel l a word. I coul d put this
down to the envi ronment : the noi se di stracted me. I coul d leave it at
the level of behavi our. I got thi s one word wrong. I coul d general i ze
and quest i on my capabi l i ty wi th words. I coul d start to bel i eve I need
to do more work to i mprove, or I coul d call my i denti ty i nto quest i on
by t hi nki ng I am stupi d.
Behavi our is often taken as evi dence of i denti ty or capability, and
this i s how confi dence and compet ence are destroyed i n the cl assroom.
Get t i ng a s um wrong does not mean you are stupi d or that you are
poor at mat hs. To thi nk thi s is to confuse l ogi cal l evel s, equi val ent to
thi nki ng a ' No Smoki ng' si gn i n a ci nema appl i es to the characters
in the film.
Whe n you want t o change yoursel f or others, you need t o gather
i nformati on, the not i ceabl e parts of t he probl em, t he s ympt oms that
the person i s uncomf ort abl e wi th. Thi s i s t he present state. Less
obvi ous t han the s ympt oms are the underl yi ng causes t hat mai nt ai n
the probl em. What does t he person have to keep doi ng to mai nt ai n
t he probl em?
There will be a desi red state, an out come whi ch i s the goal of
change. There will be the resources that will hel p to achi eve this
out come. There are al so si de effects of reachi ng t he out come, bot h for
onesel f and others.
From this mode l i t i s possi bl e to see how you can be embroi l ed i n
two types of conflict. You mi ght have difficulty choosi ng bet ween
st ayi ng i n and wat chi ng tel evi si on and goi ng out t o the theatre. Thi s
is a strai ghtforward cl ash of behavi ours.
There coul d be a da s h where s omet hi ng becomes good on one level
but bad on another. For exampl e, a child may be very good at drama
i n school , but bel i eve that doi ng i t will make hi m unpopul ar wi t h hi s
cl assmates, so he does not do it. Behavi ours and capabi l i ti es may be
hi ghl y rewarded, yet cl ash wi t h one' s bel i efs or identity.
The way we vi ew t i me i s i mport ant , A probl em may have to do wi t h
a past t rauma, whi ch has cont i nui ng repercussi ons i n the present. A
phobi a woul d be an exampl e, but there are many others, less dramati c,
where difficult and unhappy t i mes i n the past affect our qual i t y of life
i n the present. Ma ny therapi es thi nk of present probl ems as
det ermi ned by past events. Whi l e we are i nfl uenced by, and create our
personal history, the past can be used as a resource rather t han as a
l i mi tati on. The Change Personal Hi st ory t echni que has al ready been
descri bed. It re-eval uates t he past i n terms of present knowl edge. We
are not trapped forever to repeat past mi stakes.
On the other hand, hopes and fears for the future can paralyse you
i n the present. Thi s can range from worryi ng about gi vi ng an after
di nner speech on Wednesday week, to i mportant questi ons of personal
and fi nanci al securi ty i n the future. And there i s the present mome nt
whe n all our personal hi story and possi bl e futures converge. You can
i magi ne your life on a l i ne t hrough ti me, stretchi ng from distant past
to di stant future, and see how the present and desi red state, identity,
belief, capability, behavi our and envi ronment all relate to your
personal hi story and possi bl e future.
Our total personal i ty is like a hol ogram, a t hree- di mensi onal i mage
created by beams of light. Any pi ece of the hol ogram will give you
the whol e i mage. You can change smal l el ement s like submodal i t i es
and watch the effect ripple upwards, or work from the top downwards
by changi ng an i mportant belief. The best way will become apparent
as you gather i nformati on about the present and desi red states.
Change on a lower level will not necessari l y cause any change on
hi gher levels. A change in envi ronment is unl i kel y to change my
beliefs. Ho w I behave may change some beliefs about myself. However
change in bel i ef will definitely change how I behave. Change at a hi gh
level will always affect the lower l evel s. It will be more pervasi ve and
l asti ng. So i f you want to change behavi our, work wi th capabi l i ty or
belief. If there is a lack of capability, work wi th beliefs. Beliefs select
capabi l i ti es whi ch select behavi ours, whi ch i n turn directly bui l d our
envi ronment . A supporti ve envi ronment is i mport ant , a hostile
envi ronment can make any change difficult.
It is difficult to make a change at the level of i denti ty or beyond
wi thout the beliefs and capabi l i ti es to support you. Nor i s i t enough
for a busi nessman to bel i eve he can be a top manager - he needs to
back hi s bel i ef up wi th work. Beliefs wi t hout capabi l i ti es and
behavi ours to back t hem up are castles built on sand.
The uni fi ed field is a way of put t i ng together the different parts of
NLP i n a framework made up from the i deas of neurol ogi cal l evel s,
ti me, and perceptual posi ti on. You can use it to understand the
bal ance and rel ati onshi p of the different el ement s i n yourself and
others. The key is bal ance. Probl ems arise from a lack of bal ance, and
the uni fi ed fi el d enabl es you to identify whi ch el ement s have assumed
too great an i mportance, and whi ch are absent or too weak.
For exampl e, a person may put too much emphasi s on past ti me
and pay undue attenti on to past events, l etti ng these influence her life,
and deval ue the present and the future. Anot her person mi ght spend
too muc h t i me i n fi rst posi ti on, and not take other peopl e' s vi ewpoi nt s
i nto account. Others may pay a lot of attenti on to behavi our and
envi ronment , and not enough to their i denti ty and beliefs. The unified
field framework gives you a way of i denti fyi ng an i mbal ance, as a
necessary first step to finding ways of achi evi ng a heal thi er bal ance.
For therapists it is i nval uabl e as a di agnosti c tool to let you know whi ch
of the many techni ques to use. Thi s is a rich model and we leave you
to think of the many different ways you can use it.
Neurological Levels Perceprual
Unified Field
BELI EFS
'I can' t bel i eve that!' said Al i ce.
' Can' t you?' the Que e n said in a pi t yi ng tone. 'Try agai n: draw
a l ong breath, and shut your eyes.'
Al i ce l aughed. ' There' s no use trying,' she said. ' One can' t bel i eve
i mpossi bl e things. '
T dare say you haven' t had much practice,' said the Que e n. ' When
I was your age, I always di d it for half an hour a day. Why,
somet i mes I've bel i eved as many as six i mpossi bl e t hi ngs before
breakfast.'
Alice Through the Looking Glass, Lewis Carroll
Our beliefs strongl y i nfl uence our behavi our. The y mot i vat e us and
shape what we do. It is difficult to learn anyt hi ng wi t hout bel i evi ng
i t will be pl easant and to our advantage. What are beliefs? Ho w are
they formed, and how do we mai nt ai n them?
Bel i efs are our gui di ng pri nci pl es, the i nner maps we use to make
sense of the world. The y give stability and continuity. Shared beliefs
give a deeper sense of rapport and c ommuni t y than shared work.
We all share some basi c beliefs that the physi cal worl d confi rms
every day. We bel i eve in the laws of nature. We do not walk off the
tops of bui l di ngs, or need to test anew each day that fi re burns. We
al so have many beliefs about oursel ves and the sort of world we live
in that are not so clearly defi ned. Peopl e are not so consi stent and
i mmut abl e as the force of gravity.
Beliefs come from many sources - upbri ngi ng, model l i ng of
significant others, past traumas, and repetitive experi ences. We bui l d
beliefs by general i zi ng from our experi ence of the worl d and other
peopl e. How do we know what experi ences to general i ze from? Some
beliefs come to us ready made from the cul ture and envi ronment we
are born into. The expectati ons of the significant peopl e around us
i n chi l dhood instil beliefs. Hi gh expect at i ons ( provi di ng they are
realistic), bui l d compet ence, Low expectati ons instil i ncompet ence.
We bel i eve what we are told about ourselves whe n we are young
because we have no way of testing, and these beliefs may persist
unmodi f i ed by our l ater achi evement s.
Whe n we bel i eve somet hi ng, we act as i f i t i s true. Thi s makes i t
difficult to disprove; beliefs act as strong perceptual filters. Events are
interpreted in terms of the belief, and excepti ons prove the rule. What
we do mai nt ai ns and reinforces what we bel i eve. Beliefs are not just
maps of what has happened, but bl uepri nts for future acti ons.
Studi es have been done where a group of chi l dren have been di vi ded
i nto two groups of equal IQ Teachers were tol d that one group had
a hi gh IQ, and were expect ed to do better than the second group.
Al t hough (he onl y difference bet ween the two groups was the teachers'
expect at i on (a belief), the ' hi gh I Q' group got muc h better results than
the second group when tested later. Thi s type of self-fulfilling
prophecy i s somet i mes known as the Pygmal i on effect,
A similar kind of self-fulfilling prophecy is the pl acebo effect, well
known i n medi ci ne. Pati ents will improve i f they believe they are bei ng
given an effective drug, even when they are actual l y bei ng gi ven
pl acebos, inert substances wi th no proven medi cal effect. The bel i ef
effects the cure. Drugs are not al ways necessary, but belief i n recovery
al ways is. Studi es consi stentl y show that about 30 per cent of pati ents
respond to pl acebos.
In one st udy a doct or gave an i njecti on of distilled water to a
number of pati ents wi th bl eedi ng peptic ulcers, tel l i ng them that i t
was a wonder drug and i t woul d cure t hem. Sevent y per cent of the
pati ents showed excel l ent resul ts whi ch l asted over a year.
Posi ti ve beliefs are permi ssi ons that t urn on our capabi l i ti es. Bel i efs
create results. There i s a sayi ng, ' Whet her you bel i eve you can or you
can' t do s omet hi ng . . . You' re right.'
Li mi t i ng beliefs usual l y centre round, 'I can' t . . .' Regard this
phrase as si mpl y a st at ement of fact, that is valid for the present
mome nt only. For exampl e to say, ' I can' t j uggl e' means I can ( not
j uggl e) . It i s very easy not to j uggl e. Anyone can do it. Bel i evi ng that
'I can' t' is a descri pti on of your capabi l i ty now and in the future,
i nstead of bei ng a descri pt i on of your behavi our now, will program
your brai n to fail, and this will prevent you fi ndi ng out your true
capability. Negat i ve beliefs have no basis i n experi ence.
A good met aphor for the effect of l i mi t i ng beliefs is the way a frog's
eye works. A frog will see mos t t hi ngs i n its i mmedi at e envi ronment ,
but it onl y interprets thi ngs that move and have a parti cul ar shape
and confi gurati on as food. Thi s is a very efficient way of provi di ng
the frog wi t h food such as flies. However, because onl y movi ng black
objects are recogni zed as food, a frog will starve to deat h in a box of
dead flies. So perceptual filters that are too narrow and too efficient
can starve us of good experi ences, even whe n we are surrounded by
exci ti ng possi bi l i ti es, because t hey are not recogni zed as such.
The best way to find out what you are capabl e of i s to pretend you
can do it. Act 'as i f you can. What you can' t do, you won't. If i t really
is i mpossi bl e, don' t worry, you' l l find that out. ( And be sure to set
up appropri ate safety measures i f necessary. ) As l ong as you believe
it is i mpossi bl e, you will actual l y never find out if it is possi bl e or not.
We are not born wi th beliefs as we are wi th eye colour. The y change
and devel op. We thi nk of ourselves differently, we marry, di vorce,
change friendships and act differently because our beliefs change.
Beliefs can be a matter of choi ce. You can drop beliefs that l i mi t
you and build beliefs that will make your life more fun and more
successful. Positive beliefs allow you to fi nd out what coul d be true
and how capabl e you are. The y are permi ssi ons to expl ore and play
in the worl d of possibility. What beliefs are worth havi ng that will
enabl e and support you i n your goals? Thi nk of s ome of the beliefs
you have about yourself. Are they useful? Are t hey permi ssi ons or
barriers? We all have core beliefs about love, and what is i mportant
i n life. We have many others about our possibilities and happi ness that
we have created, and can change. An essential part of bei ng successful
is havi ng beliefs that allow you to be successful. Empoweri ng beliefs
will not guarantee you success every ti me, but they keep you
resourceful and capabl e of succeedi ng i n the end.
There have been some studi es at Stanford Uni versi t y on ' Sel f
Efficacy Expectati on' , or how behavi our changes to mat ch a new
belief. The study was about how well peopl e think they do somet hi ng,
compared to how well they actual l y do it. A variety of tasks were used,
from mat hemat i cs to snake handl i ng.
At fi rst, beliefs and performance mat ched, peopl e performed as they
thought they woul d. The n the researchers set about bui l di ng the
subjects' bel i ef i n themsel ves by setti ng goals, arrangi ng demon-
strations, and gi vi ng t hem expert coachi ng. Expect at i ons rose, but
performance typi cal l y dropped because they were tryi ng out new
techni ques. There was a point of maxi mum difference bet ween what
they bel i eved t hey coul d do, and what they were actual l y achi evi ng.
If the subjects stuck to the task, thei r performance woul d ri se to meet
thei r expectati ons. If they became di scouraged, it dropped to its initial
level.
Thi nk for a mome nt of three beliefs that have l i mi ted you. Go ahead
and write them down.
Now, i n your mi nd, look into a huge, ugl y mirror. I magi ne how your
life will be in five years if you cont i nue to act as if these l i mi ti ng beliefs
were true. How will your life be i n ten years? In twenty?
Take a moment to clear your mi nd. Stand up, walk around or take
a few deep breaths. Now think of three new beliefs that woul d
empower you, that woul d truly enhance the quality of your life. You
can stop for a few seconds to write these down now.
In your mi nd, look i nto a bi g, friendly mirror. I magi ne yoursel f
act i ng as i f these new beliefs were really true. How will your life be
in five years now? In ten years? In twenty?
Changi ng beliefs allows behavi our to change, and i t changes quickest
if you are gi ven a capabi l i ty or strategy to accompl i sh the task. You
can also change a person' s belief through changi ng their behavi our,
but thi s i s not so reliable. Some peopl e are never convi nced by
repeated experi ences. The y see onl y di sconnect ed coi nci dences.
Beliefs are an i mportant part of our personality, yet they are
expressed in extraordi nari l y si mpl e terms: if I do this . . . t hen that
will happen. I can . . . I can' t . . . And these are translated into: I
m u s t . . . I shoul d . . . I must not . . . The words become compel l i ng.
How do these words gain their power over us? Language i s an essential
part of the process we use to understand the worl d and express our
beliefs. In the next chapter we take a closer look at the linguistic part
of Neuro- Li ngui st i c Programmi ng.
CHAPTER
5
WO R D S A N D ME A NI NGS
'But "gl ory" doesn' t me an "a nice knock- down argument ", ' Al i ce
objected.
' When I use a word,' Humpt y Dumpt y said in a rather scornful
tone, 'it means just what I choose it to me a n - nei ther more nor
less.'
' The quest i on is,' said Al i ce, ' whet her you can make words mean
different things. '
' The questi on is,' said Humpt y Dumpt y, ' whi ch is to be mast er -
that' s all.'
Alice Through the Looking Glass, Lewis Carroll
Thi s is a chapter about the power of l anguage. It is about maki ng sure
you say what you mean, underst andi ng as clearly as possi bl e what
other peopl e mean, and enabl i ng peopl e t o underst and what they
mean. It i s about re- connect i ng l anguage wi th experi ence.
Words are cheap, the sayi ng goes, they cost not hi ng, yet they have
power to evoke i mages, sounds and feelings i n the l i stener or reader
as every poet and adverti si ng copywri ter knows. The y can start or
break up rel ati onshi ps, sever di pl omat i c rel ati ons, provoke Tights and
wars.
Words can put us i nto good or bad states, they are anchors for a
compl ex series of experi ences. So the onl y answer to the quest i on,
' What does a word really mean?' is, 'To whom?' Language is a tool
of communi cat i on and as such, words me an what peopl e agree they
mean. It is a shared way to communi cat e about sense experi ence.
Wi t hout it there woul d be no basis for soci ety as we know it.
We rely on the i ntui ti ons of native speakers of the same l anguage,
and on the fact that our sense experi ence is sufficiently similar for our
maps to have many features i n c ommon. Wi t hout these, all
conversati ons woul d be hopel ess and we woul d all be Humpt y Dumpt y
communi cat ors.
But , . , we do not all share exactly the same map.
We each experi ence the world in a uni que way. Words are i nherentl y
meani ngl ess, as becomes clear whe n you listen to a foreign l anguage
that you do not understand. We give words meani ng through their
anchored associ ati ons to objects and experi ences t hroughout our life.
We do not all see the same objects or have the same experi ences. The
fact that other peopl e do have different maps and meani ngs adds
richness and variety to life. We are likely to agree on the meani ng of
the words 'treacle tart' for we have shared the same sight, smel l and
taste of it. But we will argue far i nto the ni ght over the meani ng of
such abstract words as 'respect', 'love' and 'polities'. The possibilities
for confusi on are i mmens e. Thes e words particularly, are like
Rorschach ink blots, meani ng different thi ngs to different peopl e. Thi s
is wi thout even consi deri ng such thi ngs as l apses of attenti on, lack of
rapport, clarity of presentati on or mut ual inability to understand
certain i deas. How do we know we understand someone? By gi vi ng
their words meani ng. Our meani ng. Not their meani ng. And there
i s no guarantee that the the two meani ngs are the same. How do we
make sense of the words we hear? How do we choose words to express
ourselves? And how do words structure our experi ences? Thi s gets to
the heart of the l i ngui sti c part of NLP,
Two peopl e who say they like l i steni ng to musi c may fi nd they have
very little i n c o mmo n whe n they discover one i s fond of Wagner' s
operas, whi l e the other listens to hard rock. If I tell a friend I spent
the day rel axi ng, he mi ght pi cture me si tti ng i n an armchai r wat chi ng
tel evi si on all afternoon. If I actual l y had a game of squash and a l ong
walk i n the park, he may think I am crazy He may also wonder how
the same word, relaxation, can be used to me an two such different
thi ngs. No great issues are at stake i n this exampl e. Most of the ti me
our meani ngs are sufficiently close for an adequat e understandi ng.
There are also i nstances when i t i s very i mportant to communi cat e
very precisely, for exampl e, in i nt i mat e rel ati onshi ps or in busi ness
agreement s. You wilt want to be sure the other person shares your
meani ng, you will want to know as exactl y as possi bl e what a person
means i n her map, and you will want her to be clear about what she
means.
Words mean different things depending on your point of view,
T H I N K I N G O U T L OU D
Language is a powerful filter on our i ndi vi dual experi ence. It is part
of the cul ture we are born i nto and cannot change. It channel s our
t hought s i n particular di recti ons, maki ng i t easy to thi nk i n s ome ways
and difficult to think i n others. The Eski mos have many different
words for our one Engl i sh word, 'snow'. Thei r life may depend on
correctly i denti fyi ng a certai n type of snow. The y will want to
di sti ngui sh bet ween snow that can be eat en, snow that can be used
to bui l d, etc. Can you i magi ne how the worl d woul d be different i f
you coul d di sti ngui sh dozens of different vari eti es of snow?
The Hanuoo peopl es of Ne w Gui nea have a different name for 92
varieties of rice; it is ext remel y i mport ant in thei r economy. I doubt
if they have even one word for a hamburger, whereas we have at least
a dozen. We al so have over 50 different name d model s of car. Our
l anguage makes fi ne di sti ncti ons i n some areas and not i n others
dependi ng on what i s i mportant i n the cul ture. The worl d i s as ri ch
and vari ed as we wi sh to make it, and the l anguage we inherit plays
a crucial part in di recti ng our attenti on to s ome parts of it and not
others.
Words are anchors for sense experi ence, but the experi ence i s not
the reality, and the word is not the experi ence. Language is thus two
removes from reality. To argue about the real meani ng of a word is
rather like argui ng that one me nu tastes better than anot her because
you prefer the food that i s pri nted on it. Peopl e who learn another
l anguage nearl y always report a radical change In the way they thi nk
about the worl d.
MA K I NG S E NS E OF WO R D S - THE META MODE L
Good communi cat ors expl oi t the strengths and the weaknesses of
l anguage. The ability to use l anguage wi th preci si on i s essenti al to any
professional communi cat or. To be able to use the precise words that
will have meani ng i n the other person' s map, and to det ermi ne
preci sel y what a person means by the words he or she uses, are
i nval uabl e communi cat i on skills.
NLP has a very useful map of how l anguage operates whi ch will
save you from Humpt y Dumpt y communi cat ors, and will make sure
you do not become one yourself. Thi s map of l anguage i s known as
the Met a Model i n NLP literature. The word ' meta' comes from the
Greek, and means over and beyond, or on a different level. The Met a
Model uses l anguage to clarify l anguage, it prevents you from
del udi ng yourself that you understand what words mean; i t reconnects
l anguage wi t h experi ence.
The Me t a Model was one of the first patterns devel oped by John
Gri nder and Ri chard Bandier. The y noti ced that two out st andi ng
therapi sts, Fritz Perls and Vi rgi ni a Satir, tended to use certai n types
of questi on when t hey were gatheri ng i nformati on.
John and Ri chard set out to devel op their i nsi ghts about l anguage,
change and percepti on, and found they also had to create a vocabul ary
to descri be t hem. The y t hought a great failure of therapeuti c trai ni ng
in the mi ddl e of the 1970s was that a person coul d get an academi c
educat i on, start practi si ng therapy and then have to re-invent the
wheel , because there was no vocabul ary for passi ng on the wi sdom
of the last generati on to the new psychotherapi sts.
Thi s all changed in 1975 wi t h the appearance of The Structure of
Magic 7, publ i shed by Sci ence and Behavi our Books. It descri bes the
Met a Model i n detail, and contai ns much of the materi al John and
Ri chard had obtai ned from model l i ng Fritz Perls and Vi rgi ni a Satir.
Now peopl e coul d benefit from the experi ence of gifted
psychotherapi sts who had spent many years di scoveri ng what di d and
did not work. The book i s dedi cated to Vi rgi ni a Satir.
S AY I NG I T AL L - THE DE E P S T R U C T U R E
To understand the Met a Model , whi ch is a tool for gai ni ng a fuller
underst andi ng of what peopl e say, we need to look at how thoughts
are transl ated i nto words. Language can never do justi ce to the speed,
variety and sensi ti vi ty of our thi nki ng. It can onl y be an
Surface Structure Ugh
Deletion
1
T h
h
u
g
Distortion
1
Thoughts
T
Generalisation
Deep Structure Specific Thoughts
lb go from the deep structure, we generalize, change and leave out part
of our ideas when we speak to others.
approxi mat i on. A speaker will have a compl et e and full i dea of what
he wi shes to say; this i s called the deep structure by l i ngui sts. The deep
structure is not consci ous. Language exists at a very deep level in our
neurol ogy. We shorten this deep structure to talk clearly and what we
actual l y say is called the surface structure. If we di d not shorten this
deep structure, conversati on woul d be terribly l ong- wi nded and
pedanti c. Someone who asks you the way to the nearest hospi tal , i s
not goi ng to thank you for gi vi ng hi m a reply i nvol vi ng
transformati onal grammar.
In order to go from the deep structure to the surface structure, we
unconsci ousl y do three thi ngs.
Firstly, we will select onl y some of the i nformati on available in the
deep structure. A great deal will be left out.
Secondl y, we will give a si mpl i fi ed versi on whi ch will i nevi tabl y
distort the meani ng.
Thi rdl y, we will general i ze. Spel l i ng out all the possi bl e except i ons
and condi t i ons woul d make a conversati on very t edi ous.
The Me t a Model is a series of quest i ons that seek to reverse and
unravel the del eti ons and di storti ons and general i zati ons of l anguage.
These quest i ons ai m to fi l l i n the mi ssi ng i nf ormat i on, reshape the
structure and elicit specific i nformati on to make sense of the
communi cat i on. It i s worth beari ng i n mi nd that none of the fol l owi ng
patterns are good or bad in themsel ves. It depends on the context in
whi ch they are used and the consequences of usi ng t hem.
UNS P E CI F I E D N O U N S
Cons i de r t he sent ence:
The seven-year-old girl, Lara, Jell over a cushion in the living room and bruised
her right hand on a wooden chair.
And:
The child had an accident.
Both these sentences me an the same thi ng, yet the fi rst has much more
specific i nformati on. We can reach the second sentence from the fi rst
i n easy stages by l eavi ng out or general i zi ng the specific nouns. Al so,
both sentences are perfectly good Engl i sh. Good grammar i s no
guarantee of clarity. Many peopl e are adept at speaki ng at l engt h i n
excel l ent Engl i sh and l eavi ng you none the wiser afterwards.
The active subject of a sentence can be del eted by usi ng the passi ve
voice, sayi ng for exampl e, ' The house was built,' rather than ' X built
the house. ' Just because you leave out the bui l ders i n the sent ence does
not me an the house sprang up by itself. The builders still exist. Thi s
type of del et i on can i mpl y a vi ew of the worl d where you are a helpless
spectator, and events just happen wi th no one responsi bl e for t hem.
So when you hear the sentence, ' The house was built,' you can ask
for the mi ssi ng i nformati on, ' Who built the house?'
Ot her exampl es where the nouns are not specified are:
' They are out to get me. ' 'Who is?'
' It' s a matter of opi ni on. ' ''What is?'
' The nei ghbourhood has been ruined, ' 'Who ruined it?'
'Pets are a nui sance. ' 'What pets?'
The next gem comes from a two-year-ol d when asked what happened
to a bar of chocol ate that was on the table.
'If peopl e leave chocol ate around, peopl e eat it.' 'Which people?'
Uns pe c i f i e d No uns are cl ari f i ed by as ki ng: ' Who or what
s peci f i cal l y . . . ?'
UNS P E CI F I E D VE RB S
Al i ce was too much puzzl ed to say anyt hi ng so after a mi nut e
Humpt y Dumpt y began agai n. ' They' ve a temper, some of t hem
- parti cul arl y verbs, they' re the proudest - adjectives you can do
anyt hi ng wi th, but not verbs - however I can manage the whol e
lot! Impenetrabi l i ty! That ' s what I say!'
Alice Through the Looking Gkss, Lewis Carroll
Somet i mes a verb will not be specified, for exampl e:
' He travelled to Paris.'
' She hurt herself.'
' She hel ped me."
T am tryi ng to remember it.'
' Go and l earn this for next week.'
It coul d be i mportant to know how these thi ngs were done. We want
the adverb. So, how di d he travel? Ho w di d she hurt herself? Ho w di d
she hel p you? Ho w are you t ryi ng to remember it? ( What specifically
are you t ryi ng to remember anyway?) How am I to learn this?
Uns pe c i f i e d Verbs are cl ari f i ed by as ki ng:
' Ho w s peci f i cal l y . . . ?'
C OMP A R I S ONS
The next two exampl es of mi ssi ng i nformati on are similar and often
f ound together: j udgement s and compari sons. Advert i sement s are an
excel l ent source of bot h patterns.
New, improved Ptuffo washing powder is better.
There i s a compari son bei ng made here, but this i s not made clear.
Somet hi ng cannot he better in isolation. Better than what? Better than
it was before? Better than its competi tors Buffo and Duffo? Bet t er t han
usi ng treacle i nstead of washi ng powder?
Any sentence that uses words like 'best', 'better', 'worse', or 'worst'
is maki ng a compari son. You can onl y make a compari son if you have
somet hi ng to compare wi th. If that is mi ssi ng, you will have to ask
what it is.
Anot her exampl e woul d be:
I handled that meeting badly.
Badly compared with what'' How you mi ght have handl ed it? How Joe
Bl oggs woul d have handl ed it? How s uperman mi ght have handl ed It?
Very often the del eted half of the compari son is unrealistic. If you
compare yourself wi th superman or superwoman, not e how badl y you
come off in the compari son, and then del ete the standard of
compari son. All you are left wi th is a feel i ng of i nadequacy, and
not hi ng you can do about it.
Compar i s ons are cl ari f i ed by as ki ng:
' Compar e d wi t h wha t . . . ?'
J U DG E ME N T S
Judgement s are cl osel y allied to compari sons. If Fluffo i s 'quite si mpl y
the best washi ng powder money can buy' , i t woul d be i nteresti ng to
know whose opi ni on this is. The managi ng di rector of Fluffo? An
opi ni on poll? Joe Bl oggs?
Judgement s need not i nvol ve compari sons, al though they often do.
If s omeone says, ' I' m a selfish person, ' you mi ght ask, ' Who says?' If
the answer is, 'I do! ' then you mi ght ask, 'By what standard do you judge
yourself to be a selfish person?'
So it is useful to know who is maki ng a j udgement . It mi ght come
from a chi l dhood memory. Al so, what are the reasons for the
j udgement ? Are they good reasons? Are they your reasons or have they
been i mposed on you? Has thei r date st amp expi red now that you are
an adult?
Judge me nt s often creep i n on the coat tails of adverbs. Consi der
this:
' Obvi ousl y, the man i s an ideal candi date. '
'To whom is it obvious?'
Very often adverbs endi ng i n -)y will del ete the person who i s maki ng
the j udgement . Clearly, i f you can paraphrase that sent ence i nt o the
form 'It is obvi ous . . .' then there is a del eti on. It must be obvi ous
to somebody. ( And who was it cl ear to?)
J udg e me nt s are cl ari f i ed by as ki ng: ' Who i s ma ki ng t hi s
j udge me nt , and on what grounds are t hey ma ki ng i t ?'
N O MI N A LI Z AT I ONS
The next pattern i s when a verb descri bi ng an ongoi ng process has
been turned i nto a noun. Thi s is called a nomi nal i zat i on by l i ngui sts.
Read the following sentence and thi nk about what i t mi ght mean:
Teaching and discipline, appl i ed wi th respect send firmness are essentials in the
process of education,
A perfectly grammati cal sentence cont ai ni ng a nomi nal i zat i on (i n
italics) virtually every other word. If a noun cannot be seen, heard,
touched, smelt or tasted, in short, if it cannot be put in a wheel barrow,
it is a nomi nal i zat i on.
There is not hi ng wrong wi th nomi nal i zat i ons - they can be very
useful - but they hi de the biggest differences bet ween peopl e' s maps
of the world.
Take ' educati on' , for exampl e. Who i s educat i ng whom, and w
r
hat
is the knowl edge that is passi ng bet ween t hem?
Or 'respect'. Wh o i s respecti ng whom, and how are they doi ng it?
' Me mor y' i s an i nteresti ng exampl e. What does i t mean to say you
have a bad memory? To find out, you mi ght ask what specific
i nformati on you have troubl e memori zi ng, and how you go about
memori zi ng it. Insi de every nomi nal i zat i on you will fi nd one or more
mi ssi ng nouns (in a manner of speaki ng) and an unspeci fi ed verb,
A verb involves acti on or an ongoi ng process. Thi s is lost if it is
nomi nal i zed and changed i nto a static noun. Someone who thi nks he
has a bad me mor y is stuck if he thi nks about it in the same way as
havi ng a bad back. He i s hel pl ess. As George Orwel l said, 'If thought
corrupts l anguage, l anguage can also corrupt thought. ' To come to
bel i eve that the external worl d is patterned by the way we talk about
it is even worse t han eat i ng the me nu - it is eat i ng the pri nt i ng ink
on the me nu. Words can be combi ned and mani pul at ed i n ways that
have not hi ng to do wi th sensory experi ence. I can say pi gs can fly, but
this does not make it true. To thi nk so is to bel i eve in magi c.
Nomi nal i zat i ons are the dragons of the Me t a Model . The y cause
no troubl e as l ong as you do not thi nk they actual l y exist. They del ete
so muc h i nformati on that there i s scarcely anyt hi ng left. Medi cal
condi t i ons and di seases are i nteresti ng exampl es of nomi nal i zat i ons
and this may expl ai n why parents often feel t hey are hel pl ess and lack
choi ces. By t urni ng processes i nto thi ngs, nomi nal i zat i ons may be the
single most mi sl eadi ng l anguage pattern.
A No mi na l i z a t i o n i s cl ari f i ed by t ur ni ng i t i nt o a verb and
as ki ng for t he mi s s i ng i nf or mat i on: ' Who i s no mi na l i z i ng
about what , and ho w t he y are doi ng i t ?'
MODA L OP E RATORS OF P OS S I B I L I TY
The r e are rules of conduct beyond whi ch we bel i eve we cannot or must
not go. Words like ' cannot' and, ' must not ' are known as modal
operators in l i ngui sti cs - they set l i mi ts governed by unspoken rules.
There are two mai n types of modal operators: modal operators of
necessi ty and modal operators of possibility.
Modal operators of possi bi l i ty are the stronger of the two. The s e
are 'can' and 'cannot', ' possi bl e' and ' i mpossi bl e' . The y defi ne (i n the
speaker's map) what i s consi dered possible. Obvi ousl y, (I hope you
recogni ze a j udgement here - obvious to whom?) there are laws of nature.
Pi gs cannot fly, man cannot live wi t hout oxygen. However, l i mi ts set
by a person' s beliefs are qui te different. 'I j ust coul dn' t refuse,' or '1
am the way 1 am. I can' t change' or, 'It's i mpossi bl e to tell them the
truth.'
There i s no probl em i f a person thi nks he has s ome capabi l i ti es,
(unl ess this is obvi ousl y untrue or defi es the laws of nature), it is
' cannot' that is l i mi ti ng, T can' t' is often taken as an absol ute state
of i ncompet ence, not amenabl e to change.
Fritz Perls, the ori gi nator of Gestal t therapy, used to respond to
clients who sai d, 'I can' t . . .' by sayi ng, ' Don' t say I can' t, say I
won' t!' Thi s rather feroci ous reframe i mmedi at el y shifts the client's
stuck state to a state of bei ng able to at least acknowl edge the
possibility of choi ce.
A clearer quest i on (and one less likely to break rapport) is, 'What
would happen if you did?' or, 'What stops you?' or, 'How do you stop youself?'
Whe n s omeone says he can' t do somet hi ng, he has set up an out come
and t hen put i t out of reach. The quest i on, ' What stops you?' puts
the emphasi s on the out come again and sets to work to identify t he
barriers as a first step to getti ng past t hem.
Teachers and therapists work wi th changi ng these sorts of
l i mi tati ons and the fi rst step i s to quest i on the modal operator.
Teachers come up against this every day whe n students say they can' t
understand or always get work wrong. Therapi st s hel p cl i ents to break
through their l i mi tati ons.
If a person says, T can' t relax', she must have some i dea of what
rel axati on is like or how does she know she is not doi ng it? Take the
positive goal ( what you could do) , and di scover what is preventi ng it
bei ng real i zed, ( what stops you) , or carefully exami ne the
consequences, ( what woul d happen if you di d). It is these
consequences and barriers that have been del eted. And on critical
exami nat i on they may turn out to be less formi dabl e than you think.
Mo da l Operat ors of Pos s i bi l i t y ' I can' t ' are cl ari f i ed by
as ki ng: ' What woul d ha ppe n i f you di d . . . ?' or, ' What
prevent s you . , , ?'
MODA L OP E RATORS OF NE CE S S I T Y
Modal operators of necessi ty involve a need and are i ndi cat ed by the
use of words like, ' shoul d' and ' shoul d not', ' must ' and ' must not
1
,
' ought' and 'ought not'. There i s some rule of conduct operat i ng, but
the rule is not explicit. What are the consequences, real or i magi ned,
of breaki ng the rule? Thes e are brought i nt o the open by aski ng, 'What
would happen if you did, or did not, do this?'
' I must always put ot her peopl e f i rst . '
'What would happen if you did not?'
T must not talk in class.'
'What would happen if you did?'
' I ought to learn these Met a Mode l categories. '
'What would happen if you did not?'
'You shoul dn' t talk to those people. '
'What would happen if you did?'
'You shoul d wash your hands before meal s. '
'What would happen if you did not?'
Onc e these consequences and reasons are made explicit they can be
thought over and critically eval uated, otherwi se t hey j ust l i mi t choi ce
and behavi our.
Rul es of conduct are obvi ousl y i mportant and society survives on
a code of moral s, but there is a world of difference bet ween 'You
shoul d be honest i n your busi ness deal i ngs' and, 'You shoul d go to
the ci nema more often.' Shoul d and shoul dn' t often attract moral
j udgement s they do not deserve.
Di scoveri es are onl y made by aski ng, 'What would happen if. . .?'. . ,
I kept sai l i ng west? . . . I coul d travel at the speed of light? . . . I
allowed peni ci l l i n to grow? . . . The earth went round the sun? Thi s
questi on is the basi s of the scientific met hod.
Educat i on can easi l y become a ghastly mi nefi el d of modal
operators, compari sons and j udgement s. The whol e concept of
standards and testi ng and what chi l dren shoul d or shoul d not be abl e
to do is so vague as to be usel ess, or worse, so restricting as to be
crushi ng.
If I tell a child, 'You shoul d be able to do this,' I am onl y stati ng
my belief. I cannot sensi bl y answer the reasonabl e quest i on, 'WTiat
woul d happen if I don' t ?'
As far as capabi l i ti es are concerned, it is very muc h easi er to thi nk
i n terms of what a person can or cannot do t han what he or she shoul d
and shoul d not be abl e to do.
Us i ng ' shoul d' on the level of capabi l i ti es is usual l y taken as a
rebuke; you ought to be abl e to do somet hi ng, but cannot , so a qui te
unnecessary feel i ng of failure i s i ntroduced. Us i ng ' shoul d' i n thi s way
ei ther on yoursel f or others i s an excel l ent way of conjuri ng up instant
guilt (because a rule is broken), by creati ng an artificial gap bet ween
expectati on and reality. Is the expect at i on realistic? Is the rule a useful
or appropri ate one? ' Shoul d' i s often an angry bl ami ng response from
s omeone who i s not directly admi t t i ng his anger nor his expect at i ons,
nor is he taki ng responsi bi l i ty for t hem.
Mo da l Operat ors of Neces s i t y - ' I mus t a ' t / I have t o' - are
cl ari f i ed by aski ng: ' What wo ul d ha ppe n i f you d i d / d i d n ' t . . . ?'
UNI VE R S AL QUANT I F I E R S
A general i zati on is whe n one exampl e is taken as the representati ve
of a numbe r of different possibilities. If we di d not general i ze, we
woul d have to do thi ngs over and over agai n, and to think of all
possi bl e except i ons and qual i fi cati ons woul d be t oo t i me cons umi ng.
We sort our knowl edge i nto general categori es, but we gai n knowl edge
in t he first pl ace by compari ng and eval uat i ng difference, and it is
i mport ant to cont i nue sorti ng for difference, so general i zati ons can be
changed i f necessary. There are ti mes when we need to be specific and
t hi nki ng i n general i zati ons i s wool l y and i naccurate. Each case needs
to be taken on its meri ts. There is a danger of not seei ng the trees
for the wood if a whol e diverse chunk of experi ence is l umped together
under one headi ng.
Bei ng wi l l i ng to admi t excepti ons al l ows you to be more realistic.
Deci si ons do not have to be all or not hi ng. The person who thi nks
he is always right is a bigger menace than one who thi nks he is always
wrong. At worst, this can me an prejudice, narrow- mi ndedness and
di scri mi nat i on. General i zat i ons are l i ngui sti c fluff that cl ogs the works
of clear communi cat i on.
General i zat i ons are made by t aki ng a few i nstances as representi ng
a whol e group, so t hey usual l y cont ai n general i zed nouns and
unspeci fi ed verbs. Many of these Me t a Mode l categori es overl ap. The
vaguer the statement, the more likely it is to i ncl ude several patterns.
General i zat i ons are usual l y expressed by words like 'all', 'every',
'always', ' never' and ' none' . Thes e words admi t no except i ons, and
are known as universal quantifiers. In some cases they are absent but
i mpl i ed, e.g. T think comput ers are a waste of time', or ' Pop musi c
is rubbish. '
Some other exampl es woul d be.
' Indi an food tastes terrible.'
'All general i zati ons are wrong. '
' Houses are too expensi ve. '
'Actors are i nteresti ng people. '
Uni versal quantifiers are paradoxi cal l y l i mi ti ng. Ext endi ng a
st at ement to cover all possibilities, or deny all possibilities, makes an
except i on difficult to spot. A perceptual filter, or self-fulfilling
prophecy is created - you will see and hear what you expect to see
and hear.
Uni versal quantifiers are not always wrong. They can be factual;
ni ght always follows day, and appl es never fall upwards. There is a bi g
difference bet ween this sort of statement and one like, T never do
anyt hi ng right.' For s omeone to bel i eve this, he must notice onl y the
ti mes when he was wrong, and forget or di scount all the ti mes he was
right. No- one can consi stentl y get everythi ng wrong. Such perfecti on
does not exist. He has l i mi ted his world by the way he talks about it.
Successful and confi dent peopl e tend to general i ze the opposi te way.
They bel i eve they usual l y do t hi ngs right, except i n i sol ated i nstances.
In other words, they bel i eve they have the capability.
For exampl e, to quest i on the universal quanti fi er in '/ NEVER do
anything right!', seek the excepti on: 'You NEVER do anything right?' 'Canyou
think of any time that you did do something right?'
Ri chard Bandi er tells the story of a client who came to hi m for
therapy about a lack of sel f-confi dence (a nomi nal i zat i on) . He started
by aski ng her, ' Was there ever a ti me when you have been self-
confi dent?'
' No. '
'You me an to say you have never in your whol e life been self-
confi dent?'
' That ' s right.'
' Not even on one occasi on?'
' No. '
'You're sure?*
' Oh, absol utel y!'
The second way you can questi on this ki nd of general i zati on i s by
exaggerat i ng to bri ng out its absurdity. So i n reply to, 'I'D never be
abl e to understand NLP, ' you mi ght say, 'You're right. It's obvi ousl y
muc h t oo difficult for you to understand. Why not give up now? It' s
hopel ess; the rest of your life isn't l ong enough to mast er it.'
Thi s will usual l y bring a response on the lines of, 'Alright, alright,
I' m not that stupid.'
If you do questi on the general i zati on by exaggerati ng forcibly
enough, the person who made i t will often e nd up def endi ng the
opposi te view. You feed back its absurdity. He will become more
moderat e i f you occupy his ext reme posi ti on more forcefully than he
does.
Uni ve r s al Quant i f i ers are que s t i one d by as ki ng for a c ount e r
e xampl e : ' Has t here ever be e n a t i me whe n . . . ?'
C O MP L E X E QU I V A L E N C E
A complex equivalence is whe n two S t a t e me n t s are linked in such a way
that they are t a ke n to mean the same t hi ng , for exampl e, 'You are not
smi l i ng . . . you are not enj oyi ng yourself.'
Anot her exampl e woul d be, 'If you don' t look at me when I ' m
talking to you, then you are not payi ng attenti on. ' Thi s accusat i on i s
often levelled at others by predomi nant l y vi sual thinkers, who need
to look up at the speaker to understand what he is sayi ng. A person
who thi nks more ki nestheti cal l y will want to look down to process what
he hears. Thi s , to a visual person, is not payi ng attenti on, because if
he were to look down, he coul d not pay attenti on. He has general i zed
his own experi ence to i ncl ude everyone else and has forgotten that
p e o p l e t hi nk i n different wa y s .
Co mpl e x Equi val e nc e s can be que s t i one d by as ki ng:
' Ho w does t hi s me a n t hat ?'
P R E S UP P OS I T I ONS
We all have beliefs and expect at i ons from our personal experi ence; it
i s i mpossi bl e to live wi t hout t hem. Si nce we have to make some
assumpt i ons, t hey mi ght as wel l be ones that allow us freedom, choi ce
and fun in the worl d, rather than ones that l i mi t us. You often get what
you expect to get.
Basic assumpt i ons that l i mi t choi ce may need to be brought out i nto
the open. The y are often di sgui sed as ' why' questi ons. ' Why can' t you
look after me properl y?' presupposes that you do not look after the
person properly. If you attempt to answer the quest i on directly, you
are lost before you begi n.
'Are you goi ng to wear your green or your red pyjamas to go to
bed?' is an exampl e of the trick of offering choi ce in one area, onl y
if the more i mportant presupposi ti on is accepted, in this case, goi ng
to bed. It can be chal l enged by aski ng, 'What leads you to believe that I
am going to bed?'
Sent ences cont ai ni ng the words, 'since', ' when' , and 'if ', usual l y
cont ai n a presupposi ti on, and so does anyt hi ng after such verbs as
'realize', ' be aware', or 'ignore', e.g. ' Real i ze why we pl ace so much
i mport ance on the i ndi vi dual . '
Ot her exampl es of presupposi ti ons are:
' When you get smart, you' l l understand this.' {You are not smart.)
'You're not goi ng to tell me anot her lie?' {You have told me a lie already.)
' Why don' t you smile more?' (Ku don't smile enough.)
'You are as stupid as your father.' {Yourfather is stupid.)
'I will try hard at thi s work.' {This work is difficult.)
' My dog has a cockney accent. ' {My dog can talk.)
A presupposi ti on i s bound to have other Met a Model patterns that
will need sorti ng out. ( So you thi nk I do not smi l e enough? Ho w much
i s enough? In what ci rcumstances do you expect me to smi l e?)
Pres uppos i t i ons c an be brought i nt o t he o pe n by as ki ng:
' What l eads you t o bel i eve t hat . . . ?' and f i l l i ng i n t he
pr e s uppos i t i on.
CAUS E A N D E F F E CT
'You just make me feel bad. I can't hel p it.' The Engl i sh l anguage
encourages thi nki ng in terms of cause and effect. Active subjects
typi cal l y do thi ngs to passi ve objects, but thi s is a gross si mpl i fi cati on.
There is a danger of t hi nki ng of peopl e as billiard balls, fol l owi ng the
laws of cause and effect. ' The sunshi ne makes the flowers grow' i s a
shorthand way of expressi ng an ext remel y compl ex rel ati onshi p.
Thi nki ng i n causes expl ai ns not hi ng but si mpl y i nvi tes the quest i on,
' How?'
Even so, there is a world of difference bet ween sayi ng, ' The wi nd
made the tree bend' and 'You made me feel angry.' To bel i eve that
s omeone el se i s responsi bl e for your emot i onal state i s to give t hem
a sort of psychic power over you they do not have.
Exampl es of this sort of di storti on woul d be:
'You bore me.' {You make me feel bored.)
' I' m gl ad because you' ve gone away.' (You going away makes me feel glad.)
' The weather gets me down. ' {The weather makes me feel down.)
One person does not have direct control over another person' s
emot i onal state. Thi nki ng that you can force peopl e to experi ence
different .states of mi nd, or that other peopl e can force you into
different moods is very l i mi ti ng, and causes a great deal of distress.
Bei ng responsi bl e for the feel i ngs of others is a heavy burden. You will
have to take exaggerated and unnecessary care i n what you say and
da Wi t h cause and effect patterns you become ei t her the vi ct i m or
the nursemai d of others.
The word ' but ' very often i mpl i es cause and effect by i nt roduci ng
a reason why a person feels compel l ed not to do somet hi ng:
' I woul d hel p you but I ' m t oo tired.'
'I woul d take a vacati on, but the firm woul d fall to pi eces wi t hout me. '
There are two levels to quest i oni ng cause and effect. One response i s
to si mpl y ask how exactly one t hi ng causes the other. A descri pti on
of how this happens will often open up new choi ces of how to respond.
However, thi s still l eaves the f undament al cause and effect bel i ef
intact, a belief that is very strongl y rooted In our cul ture, namel y that
other peopl e have power over, and are responsi bl e for, our i nternal
emot i onal states. However, we really do generate our own feelings. No
one else can do it for us. We respond and are responsi bl e. To thi nk
other peopl e are responsi bl e for our feelings is to i nhabi t a billiard ball,
i nani mat e universe. The feelings we generate i n response to ot her
peopl e' s acti ons are often the result of a synesthesi a. We hear or see
somet hi ng and respond wi th a feeling. It seems as if the link is
automati c.
The Me t a Model questi on that will address the basi c cause effect
assumpt i on of a statement like ' He makes me feel angry' is, ' Ho w
exactly do you make yoursel f feel angry at what he says?' Thi s bui l ds
i n the i dea that the person has some choi ce i n his or her emot i onal
response.
It is not easy to assume responsi bi l i ty for one' s own feelings, so use
this type of questi on onl y when you have very good rapport. It can
be very chal l engi ng.
Caus e and Effect c an be que s t i one d by as ki ng: ' Ho w exact l y
does t hi s cause t hat ?' or ' What woul d have t o ha ppe n for t hi s
not t o be caus ed by t hat ?'
To que s t i on t he Caus e a nd Effect bel i ef, ask: ' Ho w exact l y do
you ma ke yours el f feel or res pond l i ke t hat t o wha t you s aw
or heard?'
MI ND R E A DI NG
A person mi nd reads when he presumes to know, wi t hout direct
evi dence, what anot her is t hi nki ng or feeling. We do it often. It is
somet i mes an intuitive response to some non-verbal cl ues that we have
noti ced on an unconsci ous level. Often it is pure hal l uci nati on, or
what we ourselves woul d think or feel in that si tuati on: we project our
own unconsci ous thoughts and feelings, and experi ence t hem as
comi ng from the other person. It is always the mi ser who experi ences
other peopl e as mean. Peopl e who mi nd read usual l y feel they are
right, but this does not guarant ee they are. Why guess when you can
ask?
There are two mai n types of mi nd readi ng. In the first type a person
presumes to know what anot her i s thi nki ng. Exampl es:
' George i s unhappy'
' I coul d tell she di d not like the present I gave her.'
T know what makes hi m tick.'
' He was angry but he woul dn' t admi t it.'
There needs to be good sensory- based evi dence for attri buti ng
thoughts, feelings and opi ni ons to others. You mi ght say, ' George is
depressed, ' but it mi ght be more useful to say, ' George is l ooki ng down
to hi s right, hi s face muscl es are slack and his breat hi ng is shallow.
The corners of hi s mout h are turned down and his shoul ders are
sl umped. '
The second type of mi nd readi ng is a mi rror of the first and gives
other peopl e the power to read your mi nd. Thi s can then be used to
bl ame t hem for not underst andi ng you whe n you think t hey shoul d.
For exampl e:
'If you liked me you woul d know what I wanted.*
' Can' t you see how I feel?'
' I' m upset you di d not consi der my feelings.'
'You shoul d know that I like that.'
A person usi ng this pattern will not communi cat e dearl y to others
what she wants; the others are presumed to know anyway. Thi s can
l ead to some fi rst class quarrels.
The way to questi on mi nd readi ng i s to ask how specifically do they
know what you were thi nki ng. Or, i n projected mi nd readi ng, how
specifically were you supposed to know how they felt.
Whe n you seek to clarify mi nd readi ng by aski ng, 'How do you know?',
the answer i s usual l y some bel i ef or general i zati on. For exampl e:
' George does not care about me any more. '
'How do you know that George does not care about you any more?'
' Because he never does what I say'
So i n the speaker' s model of the worl d, ' doi ng what I say', equal s
' cari ng for me'. Thi s is a questi onabl e assumpt i on to say the least. It
is a compl ex equi val ence and i nvi tes the quest i ons, ' How exactl y does
cari ng about s omeone mean doi ng what they say? If you care about
someone, do you always do what they say?'
Mi n d Re adi ng i s que s t i one d by as ki ng: ' Ho w exact l y do you
kno w , . . ?'
The Meta Model reconnects language with experiences, and can be
used for:
1. Gat heri ng Information.
2. Cl ari fyi ng meani ngs.
3. Identi fyi ng l i mi tati ons.
4. Ope ni ng up choi ces.
The Me t a Mode l i s an ext remel y powerful tool i n busi ness, therapy
and educat i on. The basi c presupposi ti on behi nd i t i s that peopl e make
different model s of the world and you cannot assume that you know
r
what words mean.
Firstly, it enabl es you to gather hi gh qual i ty i nf ormat i on when it
i s i mportant to understand exacdy what peopl e mean. If a client comes
to a therapist compl ai ni ng of depressi on, the therapist needs to find
out, in the client's model, what this means , rather than as s umi ng ( qui t e
wrongl y) that he knows exactl y what the client means.
In busi ness, money can be wasted if a manager mi sunderst ands
i nstructi ons. How many ti mes do you hear the sad cry, ' But I t hought
you meant . . .'
Whe n a student says he always gets geomet ry probl ems wrong, you
can find out if there was ever a ti me he got one right, and also,
preci sel y how he manages to get geomet ry probl ems wrong so
consistently.
There are no ' why?' questi ons i n the Met a Model . ' Why' quest i ons
have little value, at best they get justi fi cati ons or l ong expl anat i ons
whi ch do not hi ng t o change the si tuati on.
Secondl y, the Me t a Model clarifies meani ngs. It gives a syst emat i c
framework for aski ng, ' What exactly do you mean?'
Thi rdl y, the Me t a Model gives choi ces. Bel i efs, uni versal s,
nomi nal i zat i ons and rules all set l i mi ts. And the l i mi ts exi st i n the
words, not i n the worl d. Ques t i oni ng and fi ndi ng out the
consequences or except i ons can open up large areas of life. Li mi t i ng
beliefs are identified and changed.
Whi ch Me t a Model pattern you questi on will depend on the cont ext
of the communi cat i on and your out come. Consi der the fol l owi ng
sentence:
'Why don't these awful people stop always trying to help me, it makes me even
angrier; I know I should keep my temper, but I can't.'
Thi s contai ns mi nd readi ng and presupposi ti on (they are tryi ng to
annoy me) , cause and effect (makes), universal quantifiers (al ways),
j udgement s (awful), compari sons (angri er), modal operators of
possi bi l i ty and necessi ty (shoul d, can' t), unspeci fi ed verbs (tryi ng and
hel p), nomi nal i zat i on ( t emper) , and unspeci fi ed nouns (peopl e, it).
In this sort of exampl e, the mi nd readi ng, presupposi ti ons and
causal i ty fuel all the others. Sort i ng these out woul d be the first step
towards change. The nomi nal i zat i on, unspeci fi ed verbs and
unspeci fi ed nouns are the least i mportant. The rest, general i zati ons,
universal quantifiers, j udgement s , compari sons and modal operators,
come somewhere i n the mi ddl e. A more general strategy woul d be to
specify t he key nouns, t hen the key verbs, t hen sort out the di storti ons
wi th a pri ori ty override i f any modal operators come up. Re me mbe r
META MODEL PATTERN
Deletions
Unspeci f i ed No un
Unspeci f i ed Verb
Compari s on
Judgement
Nomi nal i z at i on
Generalizations
Modal Operat or of Possibility
Modal Operat or of Necessi t y
Uni versal Quanti fi er
Distortions
Compl ex Equi val ence
Presupposi ti on
Caus e and Effect
Mi nd Readi ng
QUESTI ON
' Who or what specifically . . . ?'
' How specifically is this
happeni ng?'
' Compared wi th what ?
1
' Who says . . . ?'
' How i s this bei ng done?'
' What prevents you . . . ?'
' What woul d happen i f you
di d/ di dn' t . . .?'
'Always? Never? Everyone?'
' How does this me an that?'
' What l eads you to bel i eve
that . . . ?'
' How exactl y do you make yourself
do this . . . ?'
' How do you know . . . ?'
that you can never specify all the del eti ons. Practi se wi t h t he Me t a
Model and you will start to get a feel for what is i mportant to questi on.
The Me t a Mode l i s a powerful way of gat heri ng i nformati on,
cl ari fyi ng meani ngs and i denti fyi ng l i mi ts in a person' s thi nki ng. It
i s particularly useful to get the desi red state of s omeone who i s
dissatisfied. What woul d he rather have? Where woul d he rather be?
How woul d he rather be feeling? Quest i ons are also i nterventi ons, A
good quest i on can take a person' s mi nd in a compl et el y new di recti on
and change hi s life. For exampl e, ask yourself frequently, ' What is the
most useful quest i on to ask now?'
There i s al so a very real danger of getti ng too much i nf ormat i on
when you use the Me t a Model . You need to ask yourself, ' Do I really
need to know this? ' What i s my out come?' It i s i mport ant onl y to use
these Met a Mode l questi ons wi t hi n a context of rapport and a
mut ual l y agreed out come. Repeat ed quest i ons can be experi enced as
aggressi ve, and the chal l enges need not be so direct. Rat her than
aski ng, ' How specifically do you know that?' you mi ght say, ' I ' m
curi ous to know exactl y how you knew that?' Or, ' I don' t exactly
understand how you know that.' Conversat i ons do not have to be cross
exami nat i ons. You can use polite and soft voi ce tones to soften the
questi on.
Robert Di l ts tells how he was in a linguistics class at the Uni versi t y
of Sant a Cruz i n the earl y 1970s, where John Gri nder taught the Me t a
Model i n one two-hour peri od. It was on a Thursday whe n he turned
the class loose to practise the Me t a Model . The following Tuesday half
the class came i n l ooki ng ext remel y dejected. The y had al i enated their
lovers, their teachers and their friends, cut t i ng t hem to pi eces wi th the
Met a Model . Rapport i s the first step i n any NLP pattern. Us e d
wi t hout sensi ti vi ty and rapport, the Me t a Model becomes Met a
Mayhe m, Met a Muddl e and Met a Mi sery,
You can often ask a quest i on el egantl y and preci sel y For exampl e
a person mi ght say, (looking up) , ' My j ob just isn't worki ng out.' You
mi ght reply, ' I wonder how you woul d see your j ob i f i t was OK? '
One very useful way to use the Me t a Model i s to use i t on your own
i nternal di al ogue. Thi s can have more effect than at t endi ng years of
semi nars about how to think clearly.
A good strategy for l earni ng to use the Me t a Model is to pick one
or two categori es, and spend a week si mpl y not i ci ng exampl es tn
everyday conversati on. The next week pick some different categori es.
As you become more fami l i ar and practised at seei ng the patterns, you
mi ght construct a silent questi on i n your mi nd. Finally, when you have
an i dea of the patterns and the questi ons you coul d start to use t hem
i n appropri ate si tuati ons.
The Met a Model al so relates to the logical levels. Thi nk about the
statement:
T can't do that here.'
T is the person' s identity.
'can't' relates to thei r belief.
'do' expresses their capability.
'that' i ndi cates a behavi our.
'here' is the envi ronment .
You coul d chal l enge this statement on a number of grounds. One way
of starti ng woul d be to thi nk about whi ch logical level you want to
work on. Al so, the person may give you a clue about what is the most
i mportant part of the st at ement by tonally emphas i zi ng one of the
words. Thi s i s known as tonal marki ng.
If he says, T can't do that here' then you coul d go for the modal
Language can limit our world
operator by aski ng, ' What prevents you?'
If he says, T can' t do that here', you mi ght ask, ' What specifically?'
Not i ci ng what words a person emphasi zes through voice tone or
body l anguage i s one way of knowi ng whi ch Met a Model pattern to
questi on. Anot her strategy woul d be to listen to the person talking for
a few mi nut es and noti ce whi ch category he uses the most. Thi s i s
likely to i ndi cate where his thi nki ng is l i mi ted and a questi on there
coul d be the best way to start.
In an everyday context, the Me t a Model gives you a systemati c way
of gatheri ng i nformati on, when you need to know more precisely what
a person means. It is a skill that is well worth l earni ng.
' Woul d you tell me , please,' sai d Al i ce, ' what that means ?'
' Now you talk like a reasonabl e child,' said Humpt y Dumpt y,
l ooki ng very much pl eased. ' I meant by "i mpenet rabi l i t y" that
we' ve had enough of that subject, and i t woul d be j ust as wel l
i f you' d ment i on what you me an to do next , as I suppose you
don' t i nt end to stop here all the rest of your life.'
Alice Through the Looking Glass, Lewis Carroll
CHAPTER
6
UPTI ME A N D D O WN T I ME
So far we have concentrated on the i mportance of sensory acuity,
keepi ng the senses open and not i ci ng the responses of peopl e around
you. Thi s state of t uni ng the senses to the outsi de worl d i s known as
Uptime i n NLP t erms. However, there are also states that take us
deeper i nto our own mi nd, our own reality.
Break off from thi s book for a mome nt and remember a ti me whe n
you were deep in t hought . . .
You probabl y had to go deep i n t hought to remember. You woul d
have focused i nwards, feel i ng, seei ng and heari ng i nwardl y Thi s is a
state we are all familiar wi th. The more deepl y you go i n, the less you
are aware of outsi de stimuli; deep in t hought is a good descri pti on of
thi s state, known as Downtime in NLP. Accessi ng cues take you i nto
downt i me. Whenever you ask anyone to go inside to vi sual i ze, hear
sounds and have feelings, you are aski ng hi m to go i nto downt i me.
Downt i me is where you go to daydream, to plan, to fantasize and
create possibilities.
In practice we are sel dom compl et el y i n upt i me or downt i me; our
everyday consci ousness is a mi xture of pardy i nternal and partly
external awareness. We turn the senses out wards or inwards
dependi ng on the ci rcumstances we are in.
It is useful to think of ment al states as tool s for doi ng different
thi ngs. Pl ayi ng a game of chess involves a radi cal l y different state of
mi nd to eati ng. There i s no such t hi ng as a wrong state of mi nd, but
there are consequences. Thes e coul d be catastrophi c, if, for exampl e,
you try to cross a bus y street in the state of mi nd you use to go to
sleep - upt i me is most definitely the best state to use for crossi ng the
road - or l aughabl e, if you try to say a t ongue twi ster whi l e in the
state of mi nd brought on by too much al cohol . Often you do not do
somet hi ng well because you are not in the right state. You will not pl ay
a good game of t enni s if you are in the state of mi nd you use to play
chess.
You can access unconsci ous resources directly by i nduci ng and
usi ng a t ype of downt i me known as trance. In trance you become
VAKOG *
Interna]
At t ent i on in
Downt i me
Daydream
Trance
VAKOG
External
At t ent i on out
Upt i me
Sport
Dri vi ng a car
deepl y i nvol ved in a l i mi ted focus of attenti on. It is an al tered state
from your habi tual state of consci ousness. Everybody' s experi ence of
trance will be different, because everybody starts from a different
normal state, domi nat ed by thei r preferred representati onal systems.
Most of the work on trance and altered states has been done i n a
psychotherapy setting, for all therapies use trance to some extent.
They all access unconsci ous resources in different ways. Anyone free-
associ ati ng on an anal yst' s couch i s well i nto downt i me, and so i s
s omeone who i s role pl ayi ng i n Gestalt therapy. Hypnot herapy uses
trance explicitly.
A person goes i nto therapy because he has run out of consci ous
resources. He i s stuck. He does not know what he needs or where to
find it. Trance offers an opport uni t y to resolve the probl em because
i t bypasses the consci ous mi nd and makes unconsci ous resources
available. Mos t change takes place at the unconsci ous ievel and work
their way up. The consci ous mi nd i s not needed to initiate changes
and often does not noti ce t hem anyway. The ul ti mate goal of any
therapy i s for the cl i ent to become resourceful agai n i n hi s or her own
right. Everyone has a rich personal history, filled wi th experi ence and
resources that can be drawn on. It cont ai ns all the materi al needed
to make changes, if onl y you can get at it.
One of the reasons that we use such a smal l part of our possi bl e
ment al capaci ty coul d be that our educat i on system pl aces so muc h
emphasi s on external testing, standardi zed achi evement s and meet i ng
ot her peopl e' s goals. We get little trai ni ng i n uti l i zi ng our uni que
internal abilities. Mos t of our i ndi vi dual i ty i s unconsci ous. Trance i s
the ideal state of mi nd to expl ore and recover our uni que i nternal
resources.
THE MILTON MODEL
' That ' s a great deal to make one word mean, ' Al i ce said in a
thoughtful tone.
' When I make a word do a lot of work like that,' said Humpt y
Dumpt y, 'I al ways pay it extra.'
Alice Through the Looking Glass, Lewis Carroll
Gregory Bat eson was enthusi asti c about The Structure of Magic 1, whi ch
cont ai ned the Met a Model . He saw great potenti al i n the i deas. He
told John and Ri chard, ' There' s a strange ol d guy down i n Phoeni x,
Ari zona. A brilliant therapist, but nobody knows what he' s doi ng, or
how he does it. Why don' t you go and find out ?' Bateson had known
this 'strange ol d guy', Mi l t on Eri ckson, for 15 years, and he set up
an appoi nt ment for them to meet Eri ckson,
John and Ri chard worked wi th Mi l t on Eri ckson i n 1974 when he
was wi del y regarded as the foremost practi ti oner of hypnotherapy. He
was the f oundi ng president of the Ameri can Soci et y for Cl i ni cal
Hypnosi s, and travelled extensi vel y gi vi ng semi nars and l ectures as
well as worki ng i n private practice. He had a worl d-wi de reputati on
as a sensi ti ve and successful therapi st, and was f amous for his acute
observati on of non-verbal behavi our. John and Ri chard' s study gave
rise to two books. Patterns of Hypnotic Techniques of Milton H Erickson ybiume
I was publ i shed by Me t a Publ i cat i ons in 1975. Volume 2, co-wri tten
with Judi t h DeLozi er, followed in 1977. The books are as much about
their perceptual fi l ters as Eri ckson' s met hods , al though Eri ckson di d
say that the books were a far better expl anat i on of his work than he
hi msel f coul d have gi ven. And that was a fi ne compl i ment .
John Gri nder has said that Eri ckson was the si ngl e most i mport ant
mode) that he ever built, because Eri ckson opened the doorway not
just to a different reality, but to a whol e different class of realities. Hi s
work wi th trance and altered states was ast oni shi ng, and John' s
t hi nki ng underwent a profound rebal anci ng.
NLP underwent a rebal anci ng too. The Me t a Model was about
preci se meani ngs. Erickson used l anguage i n artfully vague ways so
that hi s clients coul d take the me ani ng that was most appropri ate for
t hem. He i nduced and utilized trance states, enabl i ng i ndi vi dual s to
overcome probl ems and discover their resources. Thi s way of usi ng
l anguage became known as the Mi l t on Model , as a compl ement and
contrast t o the exactness of the Me t a Model .
The Mi l t on Mode l i s a way of usi ng l anguage to i nduce and
mai nt ai n trance i n order to contact the hi dden resources of our
personality. It follows the way the mi nd works naturally. Trance is a
state where you are hi ghl y mot i vat ed to learn from your unconsci ous
in an i nner di rected way. It is not a passive state, nor are you under
another' s i nfl uence. There i s co-operati on bet ween cl i ent and
therapist, the cl i ent' s responses l etti ng the therapist know what to do
next.
Eri ckson' s work was based on a number of i deas shared by many
sensitive and successful therapists. Thes e are now presupposi ti ons of
NLP. He respected t he cl i ent' s unconsci ous mi nd. He assumed there
was a posi ti ve i nt ent i on behi nd even the most bizarre behavi our, and
that i ndi vi dual s make the best choi ces available to t hem at the ti me.
He worked t o give t hem more choi ces. He also assumed that at some
level, i ndi vi dual s al ready have all the resources they need to make
changes.
The Mi l t on Model i s a way of usi ng l anguage to:
1. Pace and lead the person' s reality.
2. Di stract and utilize the consci ous mi nd.
3. Access the unconsci ous and resources,
P ACI NG A N D L E A DI NG
Mi l t on Eri ckson was masterful at gai ni ng rapport. He respected and
accepted his cl i ents' reality. He as s umed that resistance was due to
lack of rapport. To hi m, all responses were valid and coul d be used.
To Eri ckson, there were no resistant cl i ents, onl y inflexible therapists.
l b pace s omeone' s reality, to tune into their world, all you need do
i s to si mpl y descri be their ongoi ng sensory experi ence: what they must
be feeling, heari ng and seei ng. It will be easy and natural for t hem
to follow what you are sayi ng. How you talk is i mportant. You will
best i nduce a peaceful inward state by speaki ng slowly, usi ng a soft
tonality, and paci ng your speech to the person' s breathi ng.
Gradual l y suggesti ons are i ntroduced to l ead t hem gracefully i nt o
downt i me by di rect i ng thei r attenti on inwards. Everythi ng i s
descri bed in general t erms so it accuratel y reflects the person' s
experi ence. You woul d not say, ' Now you will cl ose your eyes and feel
comfortabl e and go i nto a trance.' Instead you mi ght say, ' It' s easy
to close your eyes whenever you wi sh to feel more comfortabl e . . .
many peopl e find it easy and comfortabl e to go into a trance.' Thes e
sort of general comment s cover any response, whi l e gent l y i nt roduci ng
the trance behavi our.
A l oop is set up. As the cl i ent' s attenti on is const ant l y focused and
riveted on a few sti mul i , he goes deeper into downt i me. Hi s
experi ences become more subjective, and these are fed back by the
therapist to deepen the trance. You do not tell a person what to do,
you draw his attenti on to what i s there. How can you possi bl y know
what a person is thi nki ng? You cannot . There is an art to usi ng
l anguage in ways that are vague enough for the cl i ent to make an
appropri ate meani ng. It is a case not so much of tel l i ng hi m what to
think, but of not di stracti ng hi m from the trance state.
Thes e sort of suggesti ons will be most effective if the transitions
between sentences are smoot h. For exampl e, you mi ght say somet hi ng
like, 'As you see the col oured wal l paper in front of you . . , the patterns
of light on the walls . . . whi l e you become aware of your breathi ng
. . . the rise and fall of your chest . . . the comfort of the chai r . . .
the wei ght of your feet on the floor . , , and you can hear the sounds
of, the chi l dren pl ayi ng outsi de . . . whi l e you l i sten to the sound of
my voi ce and begi n to wonder . , . how far you have ent ered trance
. . . al ready'
Not i ce the words 'and', ' whi l e' and 'as' i n the exampl e as they
smoot hl y link the now of suggesti ons, whi l e you ment i on somet hi ng
that is occurri ng (the sound of your voi ce) and link it to somet hi ng
that you want to occur ( goi ng i nto trance).
Not usi ng transi ti ons makes j umpy sentences. The y will be
detached from each other. The n they are less effective. I hope this is
clear. Wri ti ng is like speech. Smoot h or staccato. Whi ch do you prefer?
A person in a trance is usually still, the eyes are usual l y cl osed, the
pul se i s slower and the face rel axed. The bl i nki ng and swal l owi ng
reflexes are normal l y slower or absent, and the breathi ng rate is slower.
There is a feel i ng of comfort and rel axati on. The therapist will ei ther
use a prearranged signal to bri ng the client out of trance, or lead them
out by what he says, or the person may spont aneousl y return to
normal consci ousness if hi s unconsci ous thi nks this is appropri ate.
THE S E AR CH F OR ME A N I N G
The Met a Model keeps you i n upt i me. You do not have to go inside
your mi nd searchi ng for the meani ng of what you hear, you ask the
speaker to spell i t out specifically. The Me t a Mode l recovers
i nformati on that has been del eted, di storted or general i zed. The
Mi l t on Mode l i s the mi rror i mage of the Me t a Model , i t i s a way of
constructi ng sentences rife with del eti ons, di storti ons and gener-
al i zati ons. The l i stener must fi l l i n the detai l s and actively search for
the me ani ng of what he hears from hi s own experi ence. In ot her words
you provi de context wi th as little cont ent as possi bl e. You give hi m
the frame and leave hi m to choose the pi cture to put i n it. Whe n the
listener provides the content, this ensures he makes the most relevant
and i mmedi at e meani ng from what you say.
Imagi ne bei ng told that i n the past you have had an i mportant
experi ence. You are not told what it was, you must search back
through ti me and select an experi ence that seems most relevant to you
now. Thi s i s done at an unconsci ous level, our consci ous mi nd i s much
too slow for the task.
So a sent ence like, ' Peopl e can make learnings, ' i s goi ng to evoke
i deas about what specific l earni ngs I can make, and if I am worki ng
on a particular probl em those l earni ngs are bound to relate to
questi ons I am ponderi ng. We make this ki nd of search all the t i me
to make sense of what others tell us, and it is utilized to the full in
trance. Ail that matters is the me ani ng that the client makes, the
therapist need not know.
It is easy to make up artfully vague i nstructi ons so that a person
can pick an appropri ate experi ence and learn from it. Ask hi m to pick
some i mportant experi ence in hi s past, and go through it again in all
internal senses to l e a m s omet hi ng new from it. The n ask hi s
unconsci ous to use this l earni ng in future contexts where it coul d be
useful.
DI S T R ACT I ON A N D U T I L I Z A T I ON OF THE
C O N S C I O U S MI ND
An i mportant part of the Mi l t on Model i s l eavi ng out i nf ormat i on,
and so keepi ng the consci ous mi nd busy fi l l i ng the gaps from its store
of memori es. Have you ever had the experi ence of readi ng a vague
questi on and tryi ng to work out what it could mean?
Nomi nal i zat i ons del ete a great deal of i nformati on. As you sit wi t h
a jetting of ease and comfort, your understanding of the potential of this sort
of language is growi ng, for every nominalization in this sent ence is in
italics. The less that is ment i oned specifically, the less risk of a cl ash
wi t h the ot her person' s experi ence.
Verbs are left unspeci fi ed. As you think of the last t i me you heard
s omeone communicate usi ng unspeci fi ed verbs, you mi ght remember the
feel i ng of confusi on you experienced, and how you have to search for your
own meani ng to make sense of this sentence.
In the same vay noun phrases can be general i zed or left out
compl etel y. It is well known that people can read books and make changes.
(Well known by whom? Whi ch peopl e, what books and how will they
make these changes? And what will they change from, and what will
they change to?)
Judge me nt s can be used, 'It i s really good to see how relaxed you
are.'
Compari s ons also have del eti ons. 'It is better to go i nto a deeper
trance?
Both compari sons and j udgement s are good ways of del i veri ng
presupposi ti ons. The s e are powerful ways of i nduci ng and uti l i zi ng
trance. You presuppose what you do not want quest i oned. For
exampl e:
'You may wonder when you will go i nto a trance.' Or, ' Woul d you like
to enter trance now or later?' (You will go i nto a trance, the onl y
questi on i s when. )
T wonder if you realize how rel axed you are?' (You are rel axed. )
' Whe n your hand rises that will be the signal you have been wai t i ng
for.' (Your hand will rise and you are wai t i ng for a si gnal . )
'You can relax whi l e your unconsci ous learns.' (Your unconsci ous is
l earni ng. )
' Can you enjoy rel axi ng and not havi ng to remember?' (You are
relaxed and will not remember. )
Transi ti ons (and, as, when, duri ng, whi l e) to link statements are a
mi l d form of cause and effect. A stronger form is to use the word
' make' , e.g. ' Looki ng at that pi cture will make you go i nto a trance?
I am sure you are curi ous to know how mi nd readi ng can be woven
i nto this mode! of usi ng l anguage. It must not be too specific, or it
may not fi t. General st at ement s about what the person may be
t hi nki ng act to pace and t hen l ead their experi ence. For exampl e, 'You
mi ght wonder what trance will be like,' or, 'You are begi nni ng to
wonder about some of the thi ngs I am sayi ng to you. '
Uni versal quantifiers are used too. Exampl es are: 'You can l earn
from every si tuati on, ' and, ' Don' t you realize the unconsci ous always
has a purpose?'
Modal operators of possi bi l i ty are also useful. 'You can' t
understand how l ooki ng at that l i ght puts you deeper i nto trance.' Thi s
al so presupposes that l ooki ng at the light does deepen the trance.
'You can' t open your eyes,' woul d be t oo direct a suggesti on, and
invites the person to di sprove the statement.
'You can relax easi l y in that chair,' is a different exampl e. To say
you can do s omet hi ng gives permi ssi on wi thout forcing any acti on.
Typically peopl e will respond to the suggesti on by doi ng the permi tted
behaviour. At the very least, they will have to think about it.
LEFT A N D RI GHT B R AI N HE MI S P HE RE S
How does the brain process l anguage and how does i t deal wi th these
artfully vague forms of l anguage? The front part of the brai n, the
cerebrum, i s di vi ded i nto two hal ves or hemi spheres. Inf ormat i on
passes bet ween them through the connect i ng tissue, the corpus
cal l osum.
Experi ment s whi ch measured the activity i n bot h hemi spheres for
different tasks have shown they have different but compl ement ary
functi ons. The left hemi sphere i s c ommonl y known as the domi nant
hemi sphere and deals with l anguage. It processes i nformati on in an
analytical, rational way. The right side, known as the non- domi nant
hemi sphere deal s wi th i nformati on i n a more holistic and i ntui ti ve
way It al so seems to be more involved i n mel ody, vi sual i zati on and
tasks i nvol vi ng compari son and gradual change.
Thi s speci al i zati on of the hemi spheres hol ds true for over 90 per
cent of the popul ati on. For a small mi nori t y (usual l y l eft-handed
peopl e) it is reversed and the right hemi sphere deals with l anguage.
Some peopl e have these functi ons scattered over both hemi spheres.
There i s evi dence that the non- domi nant hemi sphere also has
l anguage abilities, mostl y si mpl e meani ngs and chi l di sh grammar.
The domi nant hemi sphere has been identified wi th the consci ous
mi nd, and the non- domi nant with the unconsci ous, but this is too
si mpl e. It is useful to think of our left brain deal i ng with our consci ous
underst andi ng of l anguage and the right brai n deal i ng wi t h si mpl e
meani ngs, i n an i nnocent way bel ow our level of awareness.
Mi l t on Model patterns distract the consci ous mi nd by keepi ng the
domi nant hemi sphere overl oaded. Mi l t on Eri ckson coul d speak i n
such a compl ex and mul ti -l ayered way that all the seven plus or mi nus
two chunks of consci ous attenti on were engaged searchi ng for possi bl e
meani ngs and sorti ng out ambi gui t i es. There are many ways of usi ng
l anguage to confuse and distract the left hemi sphere.
Ambi gui t y i s one such met hod. What you say can be soundl y
ambi guous. Like the last sentence. Does ' soundl y' here me an
defi ni tel y or phoneti cal l y? Hear, it means the latter, and it's a good
exampl e of one word carryi ng two meani ngs. Anot her exampl e woul d
be, ' Whe n you experi ence i nsecuri ty . . . (In securi ty?)'
There are many words that have different meani ngs but sound the
same . . . there/ they' re . . . nose/ knows. It is difficult to ri ght/ wri te
phonol ogi cal ambi gui ty.
Anot her form of ambi gui t y is called syntacti c, for exampl e,
' Fasci nati ng peopl e can be difficult.' Does this mean the peopl e are
fasci nati ng, or is it difficult to fasci nate peopl e? Thi s sort of ambi gui t y
is constructed by usi ng a verb plus ' i ng' and maki ng a sentence where
it is not clear whet her it serves as an adjective or a verb.
A third type is called punct uat i on ambi gui ty. As you read this
sentence i s an exampl e of punct uat i on ambi gui ty. Two sentences run
together that begi n and end wi th the same word(s). I hope you can
hear you are readi ng this book. All these forms of l anguage take some
ti me to sort out and they fully engage the left hemi sphere.
ACCE S S I NG THE U N C O N S C I O U S A N D RE S OURCE S
The right hemi sphere i s sensi ti ve to voice tone, vol ume and di recti on
of sound: ail those aspects that can change gradual l y rather than the
actual words whi ch are separate from each other. It is sensi ti ve to the
context of the message, rather than the verbal content. As the right
hemi sphere i s capabl e of underst andi ng si mpl e l anguage forms,
si mpl e messages that are gi ven some special emphasi s will go to the
right brai n. Such messages will bypass the left brai n, and will sel dom
be consci ousl y recogni zed.
There are many ways to give this sort of emphasi s. You can mark
out porti ons of what you say wi th different voi ce tones or gestures.
Thi s can be used to mark out i nstructi ons or questi ons for unconsci ous
attenti on. In books this i s done by usi ng italics. Whe n an author wi shes
to phase you and wants you to read s omet hi ng on this page, a particular
sentence, very carefully, he will mark it out in italics.
Di d you get the message embedded in it?
In the same way words can be marked out in a particular voice t one
for special attenti on to form a c ommand that is embedded in the
120 Introducing Newo-Linguutic Programming
speech. Eri ckson, who was conf i ned to a wheel chai r for part of hi s life,
was adept at movi ng hi s head to make parts of what he sai d come from
different di recti ons. For exampl e, ' Remember you don' t have to close
your eyes to go i nto a trance.' He woul d mark out the embedded
c ommand by movi ng his head when he said those words i n italics.
Marki ng out i mport ant words wi t h voice and gesture i s an ext ensi on
of what we do natural l y all the t i me i n normal conversati on.
There i s a good anal ogy wi th musi c. Musi ci ans mark out i mportant
notes in the (low of the musi c in vari ous ways to make a tune. The
l i stener may not noti ce this consci ousl y if the notes are far apart and
the i nt erveni ng materi al is di verti ng, but it all adds to hi s pl easure
and appreci ati on. He does not need to be aware of the performer' s
devi ce.
You can embed questi ons i n l onger sentences i n the same way. ' I
wonder if you know which of your hands is warmer than the other?' Thi s al so
contai ns a presupposi ti on. It is not a direct questi on, but it will
typi cal l y result in the person checki ng hi s hands for warmt h. I wonder
if you fully appreci ate what a gentle and el egant way to gather
i nf ormat i on this pattern is?
There is an i nteresti ng pattern known as quotes. You can say anyt hi ng
if you first set up a context where it is not really you sayi ng it. The
easiest way to do this is by tel l i ng a story where s omeone says the
message you want to convey, and mark it out in some way from the
rest of the st ory
I am remi nded of a t i me when we did a semi nar on these patterns.
One of the parti ci pants came up to us afterwards, and we asked hi m
duri ng the course of the conversati on if he had heard of the quotes
pattern. He said, 'Yes. It was funny how that happened. I was wal ki ng
down a street a coupl e of weeks ago and a compl et e stranger came
up to me and said, "Isn't this quotes pattern interesting?" '
Negat i ves fi t into these patterns. Negat i ves exist onl y i n l anguage,
not experi ence. Negati ve c ommands work just like positive
commands . The unconsci ous mi nd does not process the l i ngui sti c
negati ve and si mpl y di sregards it. A parent or teacher who tells a child
not to do s omet hi ng is ensuri ng the child will do it agai n. Tell a
tightrope walker, ' Be careful!' not ' Don' t slip'.'
What you resist persists because i t still has your attenti on. Thi s
bei ng so, we woul d not want you to consi der how much better and
more effective your communi cat i on woul d be i f i t were phrased
positively . . .
The last pattern we will deal wi th here is called conversational postulates.
Thes e are questi ons that literally onl y requi re a yes/ no answer, yet
actual l y draw a response. For exampl e, ' Can you take out the
garbage?' is not a literal request about your physical capabi l i ty to do
this task, but a request to do so. Ot her exampl es are:
'Is the door still open?' (Shut the door. )
'Is the tabl e set?' (Set the table. )
These patterns are used all the ti me i n normal conversati on and we
all respond to t hem. If you know about t hem, you can be more
selective where you use them, and have more choi ce about whether
you react to t hem. Because these patterns are so c ommon, John
Gri nder and Ri chard Bandi er woul d contradi ct each other i n public
semi nars. One woul d say, ' There i s no such t hi ng as hypnosis, ' the
other, ' No! everyt hi ng is hypnosi s. ' If hypnosi s is just another word
for mul ti -l ayered, influential communi cat i on, it may be that we are
all hypnoti sts and we are const ant l y movi ng in and out of trance . . .
now . . .
ME T AP HOR
The word met aphor i s used i n NLP i n a general way to cover any story
or figure of speech i mpl yi ng a compari son. It i ncl udes si mpl e
compari sons or si mi l es, and l onger stories, allegories and parables.
Met aphors communi cat e indirectly. Si mpl e met aphors make si mpl e
compari sons: as whi te as a sheet, as pretty as a pi cture, as thick as
two short planks. Many of these sayi ngs become cliches, but a good
si mpl e met aphor can i l l umi nate the unknown by rel ati ng i t to what
you al ready know.
Compl ex met aphors are stories wi th many levels of meani ng.
Telling a story el egantl y distracts the consci ous mi nd and activates an
unconsci ous search for meani ng and resources. As such, it is an
excel l ent way of communi cat i ng wi th s omeone i n a trance. Eri ckson
made extensi ve use of met aphors wi th his cl i ents.
The unconsci ous appreci ates relationships. Dr e ams make use of
i magery and metaphor; one thi ng stands for another because they
have some feature in c ommon. To create a successful metaphor, one
that will point the way towards resol vi ng a probl em, the relationships
bet ween the el ement s of the story need to be the same as the
rel ati onshi ps bet ween the el ement s of the probl em. The n the
met aphor will resonate i n the unconsci ous and mobi l i ze the resources
there. The unconsci ous gel s the message and starts to make the
necessary changes.
Creat i ng a met aphor is like composi ng musi c, and met aphors affect
us in the same way musi c does. A t une consi sts of notes in a
relationship, it can be transposed hi gher or lower and will still be the
same tune, provi ded the notes still have the same rel ati onshi ps to each
other, the same di stances bet ween t hem, as they had i n the original
tune. At a deeper level, these notes combi ne to make chords, and a
sequence of chords will have certai n rel ati onshi ps to each other.
Musi cal rhythm is how l ong different notes last relative to each other.
Mus i c is meani ngful in a different way to l anguage. It goes straight
to the unconsci ous, the left brain has not hi ng to catch on to.
Allegro con brio
' Once upon a ti me ..."
Creating a metaphor is like composing music.
Like good musi c, good stories must create expect at i on and then satisfy
i t i n some way consi stent wi th the style of the composi t i on. The 'with
a bound he was free' type of sol uti ons are not allowed.
Fairy tales are metaphors. ' Once upon a ti me . . .' l ocates t hem in
i nner time. The i nformati on that follows is not useful real worl d
i nformati on, but i nner world process i nformati on. Story-tel l i ng is an
age old art. Stories entertai n, give knowl edge, express truths, give
hints of possibilities and potenti al beyond habi tual ways of acti ng.
C r e a t i n g a M e t a p h o r
Story telling needs the skills of the Mi l t on Model and more. Paci ng
and l eadi ng, synesthesi as, anchori ng, trance, and smoot h transi ti ons
are all needed to make a good story. The plot must be ( ps ychol ogi cal
and mat ch the l i stener' s experi ence.
To create a helpful story, first exami ne the person' s present state and
desi red state. A met aphor will be a story of the j ourney from one to
the other.
Present State Desi red State
' Once upon a ti me . . .' . . and they lived
happi l y ever after.'
Sort out the el ement s of both states, the peopl e, the places, the objects,
activities, ti me, not forgetti ng the representati onal systems and
submodal i t i es of the vari ous el ements.
Next , choose an appropri ate context for the story, one that will
interest the other person, and repl ace all the el ement s in the probl em
with different el ement s, but hol d the rel ati onshi ps the same. Plot the
story so that it has the same form as the present state and leads
through a connect i ng strategy to a resol uti on (the desi red state). The
story-line begui l es the left brai n and the message goes to the
unconsci ous.
Perhaps I can illustrate this process wi th an exampl e, even t hough
the pri nted word loses tonality, congrui ty and the Mi l t on Mode l
patterns of the storyteller. I woul d not, of course, try to tell a met aphor
that was relevant to you, the reader. Thi s i s an exampl e of the process
of maki ng a metaphor.
Onc e I was worki ng wi th a person who was expressi ng concern
about the lack of bal ance in hi s life. He was fi ndi ng it difficult to deci de
the i mportant issues i n the present, and was worried about devot i ng
a lot of energy to some projects and little to others. Some of his
enterpri ses seemed ill-prepared to hi m, and others overprepared.
Thi s remi nded me of whe n I was a young boy. I was l earni ng to
play the guitar and somet i mes I was allowed to stay up l ate to entertai n
guests by pl ayi ng to t hem over supper. My father was a fi l m actor and
many househol d names used to eat and talk Tar i nto the ni ght about
all sorts of subjects at those parties, I used to enjoy these ti mes and
1 got to meet many i nteresti ng peopl e.
One ni ght, one of my father's guests was a fine actor, renowned for
hi s skill both in films and on the stage. He was a particular hero of
mi ne, and I enjoyed l i steni ng to hi m talk.
Late i n the eveni ng, another guest asked hi m the secret of hi s
extraordi nary skill. 'Well,' said the actor, ' funni l y enough I l earned
124 Introducing Neuro-Linguistic frograrnmmg
a lot by aski ng s omeone the very same questi on in my youth. As a
boy, I loved the circus - it was colourful, noisy, extravagant and
exci ti ng. I i magi ned I was out there in the ri ng under the lights,
acknowl edgi ng the roar of the crowd. It felt marvel l ous. One of my
heroes was a ti ght-rope wal ker in a f amous travelling ci rcus company;
he had extraordi nary bal ance and grace on the hi gh wire. I made
friends wi t h hi m one summer, I was fasci nated by his skill and the
aura of danger about hi m, he rarely used a safety net. One afternoon
in late summer, I was sad, for the circus was goi ng to leave our t own
the next day I sought out my friend and we talked i nto the dusk. At
that ti me, all I want ed was to be like hi m; I wanted to j oi n a circus,
I asked hi m what was the secret of his skill,
"Fi rst , " he said, "I see each walk as the most i mportant one of my
life, the last one I will do, I want it to be the best. I pl an each walk
very carefully. Many t hi ngs in my life I do from habit, but thi s is not
one of t hem. I am careful what I wear, what I eat, how I look. I
ment al l y rehearse each wal k as a success before I do it, what I will
see, what I will hear, how I will feel. Thi s way I will get no unpl easant
surprises. I also put mysel f i n place of t he audi ence, and i magi ne what
they will see, hear and feel. I do all my t hi nki ng beforehand, down
on the ground. Whe n I am up on t he wi re I clear my mi nd and put
all my attenti on out . "
' Thi s was not exactl y what I wanted to hear at the ti me, al t hough
strangel y enough, I always remember what he said.
"You think I don' t lose my balance?'" he asked me.
"I' ve never seen you lose your bal ance, " I replied.
"You' re wrong, " he said. ' T am always l osi ng my bal ance. I si mpl y
control it wi thi n the bounds I set myself. I coul dn' t walk the rope
unl ess I lost my bal ance all the ti me, first to one side and t hen to the
other. Bal ance is not s omet hi ng you have like the cl owns have a false
nose, it is the state of control l ed movement to and fro. Whe n I have
finished my walk, I review it to see if there is anyt hi ng I can learn
from it. The n I forget it compl etel y. "
'I appl y the same pri nci pl es to my acting,' said my hero.
Finally we woul d like to leave you wi th a story from The Magus, by
John Fowles. Thi s lovely story says a lot about NLP, but remember,
it's onl y one way of tal ki ng about it. We leave i t to echo i n your
unconsci ous.
THE P R I NCE A N D THE MA GI C I A N
Once upon a t i me there was a young pri nce who bel i eved i n all
thi ngs but three. He did not bel i eve i n pri ncesses, he di d not bel i eve
i n i sl ands, he di d not bel i eve i n God. Hi s father, the ki ng, told hi m
that such thi ngs di d not exist. As there were no pri ncesses or i sl ands
i n hi s father's domai ns , and no si gn of God, the young pri nce
bel i eved his father.
But then, one day, the pri nce ran away from his pal ace. He came
to the next l and. There, to his ast oni shment , from every coast he
saw i sl ands, and on these i sl ands, strange and t roubl i ng creatures
who m he dared not name. As he was searchi ng for a boat, a man
i n full eveni ng dress approached hi m al ong the shore.
'Are those real islands?* asked the young prince.
' Of course they are real islands, ' said the man i n eveni ng dress.
'And those strange and t roubl i ng creatures?'
' They are all genui ne and authenti c princesses?
' Then God also must exist!' cried the prince.
'I am God, ' repl i ed the man in full eveni ng dress, wi th a bow.
The young pri nce returned home as qui ckl y as he coul d.
' So you are back,' said hi s father, the ki ng.
T have seen i sl ands, I have seen pri ncesses, I have seen God,*
said the prince reproachfully.
The ki ng was unmoved.
' Nei t her real i sl ands, nor real pri ncesses, nor a real God, exist.'
'I saw t hem! '
'Tell me how God was dressed. '
' God was i n full eveni ng dress.'
'Were the sleeves of hi s coat rolled back?'
The pri nce remembered that they had been. The ki ng smi l ed.
' That is the uni form of a magi ci an. You have been decei ved. '
At this, the pri nce returned to the next land, and went to the
same shore, where once agai n he came upon the man i n full eveni ng
dress.
' My father, the ki ng, has told me who you are,' said the young
pri nce i ndi gnant l y 'You decei ved me last ti me, but not agai n. Now
I know that those are not real islands and real princesses, because
you are a magi ci an. '
The man on the shore smi l ed.
'It is you who are decei ved, my boy. In your father's ki ngdom
there are many i sl ands and many pri ncesses. But you are under
your father's spell, so you cannot see them. '
The pri nce returned pensi vel y home. Whe n he saw his father,
he l ooked hi m i n t he eyes.
'Father, is it true that you are not a real ki ng, but onl y a
magi ci an?'
The ki ng smi l ed and rolled back his sleeves.
'Yes my son, I am onl y a magi ci an. '
' The n the man on the shore was God. '
' The man on the shore was anot her magi ci an. '
' I must know the real truth, the truth beyond ma g i c '
' There i s no truth beyond magi c, ' sai d the king.
The pri nce was full of sadness.
He said, T will kill myself.'
The ki ng by magi c caused deat h to appear. Deat h stood i n the
door and beckoned to the pri nce. The pri nce shuddered. He
remembered the beautiful but unreal i sl ands and the unreal but
beautiful princesses.
'Very well,' he said. 'I can bear it.'
'You see, my son,' said the ki ng, ' you too now begi n to be a
magi ci an. '
From The Magus John Fowles, published by Jonathan Cape, 1977.
R E F R A MI NG A N D THE T R A N S F OR MA T I ON
OF ME A N I N G
There is not hi ng ei ther good or bad, but thi nki ng makes it so.
William Shakespeare
Manki nd has always searched for meani ng. Events happen, but until
we give t hem meani ng, relate them to the rest of our life, and eval uate
the possi bl e consequences, they are not i mportant. We learn what
thi ngs mean from our cul ture and i ndi vi dual upbri ngi ng. To anci ent
peopl es, astronomi cal phenomena had great meani ng, comet s were
portents of change, the rel ati onshi p of the stars and pl anets i nfl uenced
i ndi vi dual destinies. Now sci enti sts do not take ecl i pses and comet s
personally. They are beautiful to see and confi rm the uni verse still
obeys the laws we have made up For it.
What does a rai nstorm mean? Bad news i f you are out i n the open
wi thout a raincoat. Good news if you are a farmer and there has been
a drought. Bad news if you are t he organi zer of an open air party.
Good news if your cricket t eam is close to defeat and the mat ch is
called off. The meani ng of any event depends on the frame you put
i t i n. Whe n you change the frame, you al so change the meani ng.
When the meani ng changes so do your responses and behavi our. The
ability to reframe events gives greater freedom and choi ce.
One person we knew well fell and injured his knee qui te badly. Thi s
was painful, and meant he coul d not pl ay squash, a game he enjoyed
very much. He framed the acci dent as an opport uni t y rather than a
l i mi tati on, consul ted a number of doctors and physi otherapi sts, and
found out how the muscl es and l i gament s of the knee worked.
Fortunately, he di d not need surgery. He devi sed an exerci se
programme for hi msel f and six mont hs later his knee was stronger
than i t had been, and he was fi tter and heal thi er too. He corrected
the postural habi ts that had led to his knee becomi ng weak in the first
place. Even his squash i mproved. Hurt i ng hi s knee was very useful.
Mi sf ort une is a poi nt of view.
Met aphors are reframi ng devi ces. The y say in effect, "This could
me an that . , ,' Fairy tales are beautiful exampl es of reframes. What
seems to be unl ucky turns out to be helpful. An ugl y duckl i ng is a
young swan. A curse is really a bl essi ng in di sgui se. A frog can be a
prince. And if whatever you t ouch turns to gold, you are in bi g trouble.
Inventors make reframes. There i s the wel l - known exampl e of the
man who woke one ni ght wi th the sharp e nd of a rusty spri ng i n his
old mattress di ggi ng into hi m. What possible use could an old bedspri ng
have? {Besi des depri vi ng hi m of sleep. ) He reframed it as a stylish egg-
cup and started a successful company on the strength of the idea.
Jokes are reframes. Nearl y all jokes start by setti ng events in a certai n
frame and then suddenl y and drastically changi ng it. Jokes involve
taki ng an object or si tuati on and put t i ng it suddenl y in a different
context, or suddenl y gi vi ng i t anot her meani ng.
Why do anarchi sts drink herbal tea? (Answer at end of chapter.)
A pain in the back An egg-cup
128 Introducing Neuro-Linguistic Programming
Sleight o f M o u t h P a t t e r n s
Here are some exampl es of different vi ewpoi nt s on the same
statement:
'My job is going badly and I feel depressed.'
Generalize: Perhaps you' re just feeling down generally, your j ob i s OK.
Apply to self: Maybe you are maki ng yoursel f depressed by thi nki ng
that.
Elicit values or criteria: What is i mportant about your j ob that you think
i s goi ng wrong?
Positive outcome: It coul d make you work harder to get over this
particular probl em.
Change outcome: Perhaps you need to change j obs.
Setting a further outcome: Can you learn s omet hi ng useful from the way
your j ob i s goi ng at the moment ?
Tell a metaphor: It' s a bit like l earni ng to walk . . .
Redefine: Your depressi on mi ght me an you are feel i ng angry because
your j ob i s maki ng unreasonabl e demands on you.
Sup down: Whi ch parti cul ar parts of your j o b are goi ng badly?
Step up: Ho w are thi ngs generally?
Counter examples: Has your work ever gone badl y wi thout you bei ng
depressed?
Positive intention: That shows you care about your j ob.
Time frame: It's a phase, it will pass.
Ref rami ng is not a way of l ooki ng at the worl d through rose-col oured
spectacl es, so that everyt hi ng is 'really' good. Probl ems will not vani sh
of thei r own accord, they still have to be worked through, but the more
ways you have of l ooki ng at t hem, the easi er they are to solve.
Ref rame to see the possi bl e gain, and represent an experi ence in
ways that support your own out comes and those you share wi th others.
You are not free to choose when you see yourself pushed by forces
beyond your control . Ref rame so you have some room to manoeuvre.
There are two mai n types of reframe: context and content.
Introducing Neuro-Linguistic Programming 129
C O N T E X T R E F R AMI NG
Nearl y all behavi ours are useful somewhere. The r e are very few whi ch
do not have value and purpose in some context. Stri ppi ng off your
clothes in a crowded hi gh street will get you arrested, but in a nudi st
camp you mi ght be arrested i f you do not. Bori ng your audi ence i n
a semi nar is not recommended, but the ability is useful for get t i ng rid
of unwel come guests. You will not be popul ar if you tell bizarre lies
to your friends and family, but you will be i f you use your i magi nat i on
to wri te a fictional bestseller. What about i ndeci si on? It mi ght be
useful i f you coul d not make up your mi nd whet her to lose your t emper
. . . or not . , . and t hen forget all about it.
Cont ext reframi ng works best on st at ement s like, ' I ' m too . . ,' Or,
T wi sh I coul d stop doi ng . . .' Ask yourself:
' When woul d this behavi our be useful ?'
' Where woul d this behavi our be a resource?'
Whe n you find a context where the behavi our is appropri ate, you
coul d ment al l y rehearse i t i n just that context, and make up fitting
behavi our i n the original context. The Ne w Behavi our Generat or can
be helpful here.
If a behavi our looks odd from the out si de, it is usual l y because the
person i s i n downt i me and has set up an i nternal context whi ch does
not mat ch the worl d outsi de. Transference in psychotherapy is an
exampl e. The patient responds to the therapist i n the same way that
he or she responded to parents many years ago. What was appropri ate
for a child is no l onger useful to the adul t. The therapi st must reframe
the behavi our, and hel p the pati ent devel op other ways of acti ng.
C O N T E N T R E F R AMI NG
The cont ent of an experi ence i s whatever you choose t o focus on. The
meani ng can be whatever you like. Whe n the two-year-ol d daught er
of one of the authors asked hi m what it meant to tell a lie, he expl ai ned
i n grave, fatherly tones (taki ng due account of her age and
underst andi ng) , i t meant sayi ng s omet hi ng that was not true on
purpose, to make s omeone else thi nk somet hi ng was right whe n i t
wasn't. The little girl consi dered this for a mome nt and her face lit up.
' That ' s funf she said. ' Let ' s do it!'
The next few mi nut es were spent tel l i ng each ot her out rageous lies.
Cont ent reframi ng is useful for statements like, ' I get angry when
peopl e make demands on me.* Or, T pani c when I have a deadl i ne
to meet. '
Not i ce that these types of st at ement use cause-effect Met a Model
vi ol ati ons. Ask yourself:
' What else coul d this mean?'
' What is the posi ti ve val ue of this behavi our?'
' How el se coul d I descri be this behavi our?
1
Politics i s the art of cont ent reframi ng par excel l ence. Good economi c
figures can be taken as an i sol ated exampl e showi ng up an overall
downward trend, or, as an i ndi cati on of prosperity, dependi ng on
whi ch side of the Hous e of Co mmo ns you sit. Hi gh interest rates are
bad for borrowers, but good for savers. Traffic j ams are an awful
nui sance if you are stuck in one, but they have been descri bed by a
government mi ni ster as a si gn of prosperity. If traffic congesti on were
el i mi nat ed i n London, he was reported as sayi ng, this woul d me an
the deat h of the capital as a j ob centre.
' We are not retreating, ' said a general , 'We are advanci ng
backwards. '
Adverti si ng and selling are other areas where reframi ng i s very
i mportant. Products are put i n the best possi bl e light. Advert i sement s
are instant frames for a product. Dri nki ng this coffee means that you
are sexy, usi ng this washi ng powder means that you care about your
family, usi ng this bread means that you are i ntel l i gent. Ref rami ng is
so pervasive you will see exampl es wherever you look.
Si mpl e reframes are unl i kel y to make a drasti c change, but if they
are del i vered congruendy, perhaps wi th a metaphor, and bri ng in
i mportant issues to that person, they can be very effective.
I N T E N T I O N A N D B E HA V I OU R
At the heart of reframi ng is the di sti ncti on bet ween behavi our and
i ntenti on: what you do, and what you are actual l y tryi ng to achieve
by doi ng it. Thi s is a crucial di sti ncti on to make whe n deal i ng wi th
any behaviour. Of t en what you do does not get you what you want.
For exampl e, a woman may const ant l y worry about her family. Thi s
i s her way of showi ng she loves and cares for t hem. The fami l y see
it as naggi ng and resent it. A man may seek to demonst rat e hi s love
for hi s fami l y by worki ng very l ong hours. The fami l y may wi sh he
spent more t i me wi th t hem, even i f i t meant havi ng less s pendi ng
money.
Somet i mes behavi our does get you what you want, but does not fi t
in well wi th the rest of your personality. For exampl e an office worker
may flatter and humour the boss to get a rise, but hate hi msel f for
doi ng it. Ot her ti mes you actual l y may not know what a behavi our
is tryi ng to achieve, it just seems a nui sance. There is always a positive
i ntenti on behi nd every behavi our, why el se woul d you do it?
Everythi ng you do i s fashi oned towards some goal , onl y i t may be out
of date. And some behavi ours ( smoki ng i s a good exampl e) , achi eve
many different out comes.
The way to get rid of unwant ed behavi ours is not to try and stop
t hem wi th will-power. Thi s will guarantee they persist because you are
gi vi ng t hem attenti on and energy. Fi nd another, better way to satisfy
the i ntenti on, one that is more attuned to the rest of your personality.
You do not rip out the gas l i ghts unti l you have installed electricity,
unl ess you want to be left in the dark.
We cont ai n mul ti pl e personal i ti es l i vi ng i n uneasy al l i ance under
the same skin. Each part i s tryi ng to fulfil its own out come. The more
these can be al i gned and work together in harmony the happi er a
person will be. We are a mi xt ure of many parts, and they often
conflict. The bal ance shifts constantly, it makes life i nteresti ng. It is
difficult to be totally congruent , totally commi t t ed to one course of
acti on, and the more i mportant the acti on, the more parts of our
personal i ty have to be involved.
Habi t s are difficult to give up. Smoki ng is bad for the body, but
i t does relax you, occupy your hands and sustai n friendships wi th
others. Gi vi ng up s moki ng wi t hout at t endi ng t o these ot her needs
leaves a vacuum. To quot e Mark Twai n, ' Gi vi ng up s moki ng is easy,
I do it every day'
SI X STEP R E F R A MI NG
We are as unlike ourselves as we are unlike others.
Montaigne
NLP uses a more formal reframi ng process to stop unwant ed
behavi our by provi di ng better alternatives. Thi s way, you keep the
benefits of the behavi our. It is a bit like goi ng on a journey. Horse
and cart seems to be the onl y way to get where you want to go,
uncomfortabl e and slow as it is. The n, a friend tells you there is
actual l y a train servi ce and regul ar flights - different and better ways
of reachi ng your desti nati on.
Si x step reframi ng works well when there is a part of you that is
maki ng you behave i n a way you do not like. It can also be used on
psychosomati c s ympt oms .
1. First identify the behaviour or response to be changed.
It is usual l y in the form: T want to . . . but somet hi ng stops me, ' Or,
'I don' t want to do this, but I seem to end up doi ng it just the same. '
If you are worki ng wi th s omeone else, you do not need to know the
actual probl em behavi our. It makes no difference to the reframi ng
process what the behavi our is. Thi s can be secret therapy.
Take a mome nt to express appreci ati on for what this part has done
for you and make it clear that you are not goi ng to get rid of it. Thi s
may be difficult if the behavi our (let's call it X) is very unpal atabl e,
but you can appreci ate the i nt ent i on, if not the way it was
accompl i shed.
2. Establish communication with the part responsible Jbr the behaviour.
Go inside and ask, ' Wi l l the part responsi bl e for X communi cat e wi th
me i n consci ousness, now?' Not i ce what response you get. Keep all
your senses open for i nternal si ghts, sounds, feelings. Do not guess.
Have a definite signal, it is often a slight body feeling. Can you
reproduce that exact si gnal consci ousl y? If you can, ask the questi on
agai n unti l you get a signal that you cannot control at will.
Thi s sounds strange, but the part responsi bl e is unconsci ous. If it
were under consci ous control , you woul d not be reframi ng it, you
woul d just stop it. Whe n parts are in conflict there is always some
i ndi cati on that will reach consci ousness. Have you ever agreed wi th
someone' s pl an whi l e harbouri ng doubts? What does this do to your
t one of voice? Can you control that si nki ng feel i ng in the pit of your
st omach i f you agree to work whe n you woul d rather be rel axi ng i n
the garden? Head shaki ng, gri maci ng and tonal i ty changes are
obvi ous exampl es of ways that conflicting parts express themsel ves.
Whe n there is a conflict of interest, there is always some i nvol untary
signal and it is likely to be very slight. You have to be alert. The signal
is the but in the 'Yes, but . . .'
Now you need to turn that response i nto a yes/ no signal. Ask the
part to i ncrease the strength of the signal for 'yes' and decrease it for
'no'. Ask for both si gnal s one after the other, so they are clear.
3. Separate the positive intention from the behaviour.
Thank the part for co-operati ng. Ask, ' Wi l l the part that is responsi bl e
for thi s behavi our let me know what it is tryi ng to do?' If the answer
is the 'yes' signal, you will get t he i ntenti on, and it may be a surprise
to your consci ous mi nd. Thank the part for the i nf ormat i on, and for
doi ng thi s for you. Thi nk about whet her you actual l y want a part to
do this.
However, you do not need to know the i ntenti on. If the answer to
your quest i on i s 'no', you coul d expl ore ci rcumstances where the part
woul d be wi l l i ng to let you know what it is tryi ng to achieve. Ot herwi se
as s ume a good i ntenti on. Thi s does not me a n you like the behavi our,
si mpl y that you assume the part has a purpose, and that it benefits
you in some way.
Go i nsi de and ask the part, ' If you were gi ven ways that enabl ed
you to accompl i sh this i nt ent i on, at least as well, if not better t han
what you are doi ng now, woul d you be wi l l i ng to try them out ?' A
' no' at thi s poi nt, will me an your si gnal s are scrambl ed. No part i n
its right mi nd coul d turn down such an offer.
4. Ask your creative part to generate new ways that will accomplish the same purpose.
There will have been ti mes i n your life whe n you were creative and
resourceful. Ask the part you are worki ng wi th to communi cat e its
posi ti ve i nt ent i on to your creati ve, resourceful part. The creati ve part
will then be abl e to make up other ways of accompl i shi ng the same
i ntenti on. Some will be good, s ome not so good. Some you may be
aware of consci ousl y, but it does not matter if you are not. Ask the
part to choose onl y those it consi ders to be as good, or better than the
original behavi our. They must be i mmedi at e and available. Ask i t to
give the ' yes' si gnal each ti me i t has anot her choi ce. Cont i nue until
you get at least three ' yes' si gnal s. You can take as l ong as you wish
over this part of the process. Thank your creative part whe n you have
finished.
5. Ask the Xpart if it will agree to use the new choices rather than the old behaviour
over the next Jew weeks.
Thi s is future paci ng, mental l y rehearsi ng a new behavi our in a future
si tuati on.
If all is well up to now, there is no reason why you will not get a
'yes' signal. If you get a 'no', assure the part it can still use the old
behavi our, but you woul d like it to use the new choices first. If you
still get a no, you can reframe the part that objects by t aki ng it through
134 Introducing Neuro-Linguistic Programming
the whol e six step ref rami ng process.
6. Ecological check
You need to know if there are any other parts that woul d object to your
new choi ces. Ask, ' Does any ot her part of me object to any of my new
choi ces?' Be sensi ti ve to any si gnal s. Be thorough here. If there is a
signal, ask the part to i ntensi fy the signal if it really is an objecti on.
Make sure the new choi ces meet with the approval of all interested
parts, or one will sabotage your work.
If there i s an objecti on you can do one of two thi ngs. Ei ther go back
to step 2 and reframe the part that objects, or ask the creati ve part,
i n consul tati on with the objecti ng part, to come up wi th more choi ces.
Make sure these new choi ces are al so checked for any new objecti ons.
Si x step reframi ng is a t echni que for therapy and personal
devel opment . It deal s directly wi th several psychol ogi cal i ssues.
One is secondary gain: the i dea that however bizarre or destructi ve a
behavi our appears, it always serves a useful purpose at some level, and
this purpose i s l i kel y to be unconsci ous. It does not make sense to do
s omet hi ng that is totally contrary to our interests. There is always
s ome benefit, our mi xt ure of moti ves and emot i ons i s rarely a
harmoni ous one.
Anot her is trance. Anyone doi ng six step reframi ng will be in a mi l d
trance, wi th hi s focus of attenti on inwards.
Thirdly, six step reframi ng also uses negot i at i on skills bet ween parts
of one person. In the next chapter we will look at negot i at i on skills
bet ween peopl e in a busi ness context,
TI ME L I NE S
We can never be anywhen el se but ' now' and we have a ti me machi ne
inside our skulls. Whe n we sleep t i me stands still. And i n our
daydreams and ni ght dreams we can j ump bet ween present, past and
future wi thout any difficulty. Ti me seems to fly, or drag its feet,
dependi ng on what we are doi ng. W'hatever ti me really is, our
subjective experi ence of it changes all t he t i me.
We measure ti me for the outsi de world in terms of di stance and
mot i on - a movi ng poi nter on a clock face - but how do our brai ns
deal wi th time? There must be some way, or we woul d never know
whether we had done somet hi ng, or were goi ng to do it; whet her i t
bel onged to our past or our future. A feel i ng of cUja vu about the future
woul d be difficult to live wi th. What i s the difference i n the way we
thi nk of a past event and a future event?
Perhaps we can get some clues from the many sayi ngs we have about
time: T can' t see any future,* ' He' s stuck in the past,' ' Looki ng back
on events, ' ' Looki ng forward to seei ng you. ' Maybe vi si on and
di recti on has somet hi ng to do wi th it.
Now, select some si mpl e repetitive behavi our that you do nearl y
every day, such as brushi ng your teeth, combi ng your hair, washi ng
your hands, havi ng breakfast or watchi ng TV.
Thi nk of a ti me about fi ve years ago whe n you di d this. It does not
have to be a specific i nstance. You know that you di d it five years ago,
you can pretend to remember.
Now think of doi ng that same thi ng one week ago.
Now think what it woul d be like if you do it right this instant.
Now one week hence.
Now think about doi ng it in five years* ti me. It does not matter that
you do not know where you may be, just think of doi ng that activity.
Now take those four exampl es. You probabl y have s ome sort of
picture of each i nstance. It may be a movi e or a snapshot. If a greml i n
suddenl y shuffled t hem all around whe n you were not l ooki ng, how
coul d you tell whi ch was whi ch?
You may be i nterested to fi nd out for yourself how you do it. Later,
we will give you some general i zati ons.
Look at those pictures agai n. What are the differences bet ween each
of the pi ctures i n terms of the fol l owi ng submodal i ti es?
Where are they in space?
How large are they?
How bright?
How focused?
Are they all col oured equal l y?
Are they movi ng pi ctures or still?
Ho w far away are they?
It is difficult to general i ze about ti mel i nes, but a c o mmo n way of
organi zi ng pi ctures of the past, present and future i s by l ocati on. The
past is likely to be on your left. The further i nto the past, the further
away the pi ctures will be. The ' di m and di stant' past will be furthest.
The future will go off to your right, wi th the far future far away at
the end of the line. The pi ctures on each si de may be stacked or offset
i n some way so that t hey can be seen and sorted easily. Many peopl e
use the visual system for representi ng a sequence of memori es over
ti me, but there may well be s ome submodal i t y di fferences i n the ot her
systems as well. Sounds may be l ouder when closer to the present,
feel i ngs may be stronger.
Happi l y, this way of organi zi ng ti me allies itself wi th normal eye
accessi ng cues, (and readi ng Engl i sh), whi ch may expl ai n why it is a
c ommon pattern. There are many ways to organi ze your ti me line.
Whi l e there are no ' wrong' t i me lines they all have consequences.
Where and how you store your t i mel i ne will affect how you thi nk . . .
For exampl e, suppose your past was straight out in front of you. It
woul d al ways be i n view, and attracti ng your attenti on. Your past
woul d be an i mportant and influential part of your experi ence.
Big, bright pi ctures in the far future woul d make it very attractive
and draw you towards it. You woul d be future-ori ented. The
i mmedi at e future woul d be difficult to pl an. If there were bi g, bright
pictures in the near future, l ong-range pl anni ng mi ght be difficult. In
general , whatever is bi g, bright and colourful, (if these are critical
submodal i t i es for you) will be most attractive and you will pay most
attenti on to it. You can really tell if s omeone has a murky past or a
bright future.
The submodal i t i es may change gradually. For exampl e, the bri ghter
the pi cture, or the sharper the focus, the nearer to the present. Thes e
two submodal i t i es are good at representi ng gradual change.
Somet i mes a person mi ght sort their pictures in a more discrete way
usi ng definite l ocati ons, each me mor y det ached from the last. The n
the person will tend to use staccato gestures when talking about the
memori es, rather than usi ng more fl uent, sweepi ng gestures.
The future may be spaced out a l ong way i n front of you, gi vi ng
you troubl e meet i ng deadl i nes, whi ch will seem far away until they
suddenl y l oom large. On the other hand if the future is too compressed
wi th not enough space bet ween future pictures, you may feel pressed
for ti me, everyt hi ng l ooks like it has to be done at once. Somet i mes
it is useful to compress the t i mel i ne, other ti mes, to expand it. It
depends what you want. It i s c o mmo n sense that peopl e who are
ori ented towards the future general l y recover from illness more
quickly, and medi cal studi es have conf i rmed this. Ti mel i ne therapy
coul d aid recovery from seri ous illness.
Ti mel i nes are i mportant to a person' s sense of reality, and so they
are difficult to change unl ess the change is ecol ogi cal . The past is real
in a way that the future is not. The future exi sts more as potenti al
or possibilities. It is uncertai n. Future submodal i t i es will usual l y
reflect this i n s ome way. The t i mel i ne may split i nto different
branches, or the pictures may be fuzzy.
Ti mel i nes are i mportant in therapy. If a cl i ent cannot see a future
for himself, a lot of t echni ques are not goi ng to work. Many NLP
therapy techni ques presuppose an ability to move through ti me,
accessi ng past resources or const ruct i ng compel l i ng futures.
Somet i mes the ti mel i ne has to be sorted out before this can be done.
I N TI ME A N D T H R O U G H TI ME
In hi s book The Basis of Personality, Tad Jame s describes two mai n types
of ti mel i nes. The fi rst he calls ' through time', or the Angl o- European
type of t i me where the t i mel i ne goes from side to side. The past i s on
one side, the future on another and both are visible in front of the
person. The second type he calls 'in time', or Arabi c ti me, where the
ti mel i ne stretches from front to back so that one part (usual l y the past)
i s behi nd you, and invisible. You have to turn your head to see it.
Thr ough t i me peopl e will have a good sequenti al , l i near i dea of
ti me. The y will expect to make and keep appoi nt ment s precisely. Thi s
i s the t i mel i ne that i s prevalent i n the busi ness worl d. ' Ti me i s money. '
A through t i me person is also more likely to store their past as
di ssoci ated pictures.
Past
A s u m m a r y o f s o m e g e n e r a l i z a t i o n s a b o u t i n t i m e a n d t h r o u g h
t i m e differences:
Through Time
Western
Left to right
Past/ p re se nt/fut ure
In front
Orderl y exi stence
Memori es usual l y di ssoci ated
In Time
Eastern
Back to front
Ti me happens now
Not all in front
Ti me i s flexible
Usual l y associ ated memori es
In ti me peopl e do not have the advantage of the past and future
spread out i n front of t hem. The y are always i n the present mome nt ,
so deadl i nes, busi ness appoi nt ment s and t i me- keepi ng are less
i mportant than they are for a through ti me person. The y are
associ ated to their ti mel i ne, and their memori es are more likely to be
associ ated. Thi s model of t i me- keepi ng i s c ommon i n Eastern,
especi al l y Arabi c, countri es, where busi ness deadl i nes are more
flexible than in the Western world. Thi s can be very exasperati ng for
a Western busi nessman. The future is l ooked on much more like a
series of ' nows' so the urgency goes out of acti ng this very mi nute.
There are pl enty more ' nows' where those come from.
Ti me schedul es i mport ant Ti me schedul es not so
i mport ant
Harder to stay i n the mome nt Easy to focus on present
T AL K I NG WI T H TI ME
Language affects brains. We respond to l anguage at an unconsci ous
level. Ways of tal ki ng about events will programme how we represent
t hem i n our mi nds, and therefore how we respond to t hem. We have
already i nvesti gated some of the consequences of t hi nki ng wi t h
nomi nal i zat i ons, universal quantifiers, modal operators and other
such patterns. Even verb tenses are not exempt , were they?
Now, think of a ti me when you were walking.
The form of that sent ence i s likely to make you thi nk of an
associ ated movi ng picture. If I say, think of the last timeyou took a walk,
you are likely to make a di ssoci ated, still picture. The form of words
has taken the movement out of the picture. Yet both sent ences me an
the same thi ng, don' t they?
Now, think of a ti me when you will take a walk. Still di ssoci ated. Now
a ti me when you will be walking. Now your i dea is likely to be an
associ ated movi e.
Now I am goi ng to invite you to be in the distant future, thi nki ng
about a past memory, whi ch has actual l y not yet occurred. Tricky?
Not at all; read the next sentence:
Thi nk of a ti me when you will have taken a walk.
Now, remember when you are. You i nfl uence others and orient
them in t i me wi th what you say. Knowi ng this, you have a choi ce about
how you wi sh to influence t hem. You cannot stop yourself doi ng it.
All communi cat i on does somet hi ng. Does i t do what you want i t to
do? Does it serve your outcome?
I magi ne an anxi ous person vi si ti ng two different therapists. The
fi rst says, ' So you have felt anxi ous? Is that how you have been
feel i ng?'
The second says, ' So you feel anxi ous? What thi ngs will make you
feel anxi ous?'
The fi rst di ssoci ates her from the experi ence of feel i ng anxi ous and
puts i t the past. The second associ ates her i nt o feel i ng anxi ous and
programmes her to feel anxi ous i n the future,
I know whi ch therapist I woul d rather see.
Why do anarchists drink herbal tea? Answer: Because property is theft.
Thi s i s just a small taste of how we i nfl uence each other wi t h l anguage
in ways we are normal l y unaware of.
So now, as you thi nk about how el egant and effective your
communi cat i on can be . . . and you look back wi t h these resources
on what you used to do before you changed . . . what was it like to
have been like that . . . and what steps di d you take to change . . .
as you sit here now . . . wi t h this book in hand?
CHAPTER
7
C ONF L I C T A N D C O N G R U E N C E
Everyone lives i n the same worl d, and because we make different
model s of it, we come i nto conflict. Two peopl e can look at the same
event, hear the same words, and make compl et el y different meani ngs.
From these model s and meani ngs we get the rich pl ural i ty of human
val ues, politics, religions, interests and moti ves. Thi s chapter expl ores
negoti ati on and meet i ngs to reconci l e confl i cti ng interests, and some
of the ways these are bei ng successful l y used i n the worl d of busi ness.
Some of the most i mportant parts of our map are the beliefs and val ues
that shape our lives and give t hem purpose. The y govern what we do
and may bri ng us i nto conflict wi t h others. Val ues defi ne what i s
i mport ant to us; conflict starts if we insist that what is i mport ant to
us shoul d be i mportant to others too. Somet i mes our own val ues
coexist uneasily, and we have to make difficult choi ces. Do I tell a lie
for a friend? Shoul d I take the bori ng j ob wi th more money, or the
exci ti ng work that is badl y pai d?
Different parts of us embody different val ues, follow different
interests, have different i ntenti ons, and so come i nto conflict. Our
abi l i ty to go for an out come is radi cal l y affected by how we reconci l e
and creatively manage these different parts of oursel ves. It is rare to
be abl e to go whol eheart edl y or compl et el y congruendy for an
out come, and the larger the out come, the more parts of ourselves will
be drawn in and the more possi bi l i ty of confl i cti ng interests. We have
al ready deal t wi th the six step reframi ng t echni que, and i n the next
chapter we will further expl ore how to resolve s ome of these internal
conflicts.
Internal congruence gives strength and personal power. We are
congruent when all our verbal and non-verbal behavi our supports our
out come. All parts are i n harmony and we have free access to our
resources. Smal l chi l dren are nearl y always congruent . Whe n they
want somet hi ng they want i t wi th their whol e bei ng. Bei ng i n harmony
does not mean all the parts are pl ayi ng the same tune. In an orchestra,
the different i nstruments bl end together, the total t une is more than
any one i nstrument coul d produce on its own, and it is the difference
between them whi ch gives the musi c its colour, interest and harmony.
So when we are congruent , our beliefs, val ues and interests act
together to give us the energy to pursue our ai ms.
Whe n you make a deci si on and you are congruent about it, then
you know you can proceed wi th every chance of success. The questi on
becomes, how do you know when you are congruent ? Here i s a si mpl e
exercise to identify your i nternal congruence signal:
I DE NT I F Y I NG Y OU R C O N G R U E N C E S I GNAL
Re me mbe r a t i me whe n you really wanted somet hi ng. That particular
treat, present or experi ence you real l y l ooked forward to. As you thi nk
back and associ ate to that t i me and event, you can begin to recognize what
it feels like to be congruent. Become familiar with this feeling so that you
can use it in the future to know if you are fully congruent about an
out come. Not i ce how you feel, noti ce the submodal i ti es of the
experi ence as you think back to it. Can you find some i nternal feeling,
sight or sound that will unmi st akabl y define that you are congruent ?
Incongruence is mi xed messages - an i nstrument out of tune in an
orchestra, a splash of col our that does not fit i nto the picture. Mi xed
internal messages will project an ambi guous message to the other
person and result i n muddl ed acti ons and self-sabot age. Whe n you
face a deci si on and are i ncongruent about it, this represents i nval uabl e
i nformati on from your unconsci ous mi nd. It is sayi ng that it Is not
wise to proceed and that it is ti me to think, to gather more
i nformati on, to create more choi ces, or expl ore other out comes. The
questi on here is, how do you know when you are i ncongruent? Do the
following exercise to increase your awareness of your i ncongruence
signal.
I DE NT I F Y I NG Y OU R I N C O N G R U E N C E S I GNAL
Thi nk back to a ti me when you had reservations about some pl an.
You may have felt it was a good i dea, but somet hi ng told you it coul d
lead to trouble. Or you coul d see yoursel f doi ng it, but still got that
uncertai n feeling. As you thi nk about the reservati ons you had, there
will be a certai n feel i ng in part of your body, maybe s ome particular
i mage or s ound that lets you know that you are not fully commi t t ed.
That i s your i ncongruence signal. Make yoursel f fami l i ar wi th it, it's
a good friend, and coul d save you a lot of money. You may want to
check it for several different experi ences in whi ch you know you had
doubts or reservations. Bei ng able to detect i ncongruence i n yourself
will save you from maki ng many mi stakes.
Used car sal esmen have a poor reputati on for congruence.
Incongruence also comes out i n Freudi an slips; s omeone who extol s
'state of the ark t echnol ogy' is clearly not really i mpressed with the
software. Det ect i ng i ncongruence in others is essentia) if you are to
deal wi th them sensi ti vel y and effectively. For exampl e, a teacher
expl ai ni ng an i dea will ask if the student understands. The student
may say 'Yes,' but her tone of voice or expressi on may contradi ct the
words. In selling, a sal esman who does not detect and deal wi th
i ncongruence in the buyer is unl i kel y to make a sale, or if he does,
he will generate buyer' s remorse, and no further busi ness.
VALUES A N D CRI TE RI A
Our val ues powerfully affect whet her we are congruent about an
out come. Values embody what i s i mportant to us and are supported
by beliefs. We acqui re t hem, like bel i efs, from our experi ences and
from model l i ng fami l y and friends. Val ues are related to our identity,
we really care about t hem; they are t he f undament al principles we live
by. To act against our val ues will make us i ncongruent . Val ues give
us moti vati on and di recti on, they are the i mportant pl aces, the capital
cities, In our map of the world. The most l asti ng and influential val ues
are freely chosen and not i mposed. They are chosen with awareness
of the consequences, and carry many positive feelings.
Yet val ues are usual l y unconsci ous and we s el dom expl ore t hem i n
any clear way. To rise in a company you will need to adopt company
val ues. If these are different to your own this coul d lead to
i ncongruence, A company may onl y be empl oyi ng half a person if a
key worker has values that cl ash wi th hi s work.
NLP uses the word criteria to descri be those val ues that are i mportant
in a parti cul ar context. Cri teri a are less general and wi de- rangi ng
than val ues. Cri teri a are the reasons you do somet hi ng, and what you
get out of it. The y are usual l y nomi nal i zat i ons like weal th, success,
fun, heal th, ecstasy, love, l earni ng, etc. Our criteria govern why we
work, whom we work for, whom we marry (if at all), how we make
rel ati onshi ps and where we live. The y det ermi ne the car we drive, the
clothes we buy, or where we go for a meal out.
Paci ng another person' s val ues or criteria will bui l d good rapport.
If you pace his body but mi s mat ch his val ues, you are unl i kel y to get
rapport. Paci ng other peopl e' s val ues does not me an you have to agree
wi th them, but i t shows you respect t hem.
Eliciting Criteria
Make a list of the 10 or so most i mportant val ues in your life. You can
do this alone, or wi th a friend to help you. Elicit your answers by
aski ng such questi ons as:
What ' s i mportant to me?
What truly moti vates me?
What has to be true for me?
Cri teri a and val ues need to be expressed positively. Avoi di ng ill heal th
mi ght be a possi bl e val ue, but it woul d be better to phrase it as good
heal th. You may find it fairly easy to come up with the val ues that
moti vate you.
Cri teri a are likely to be nomi nal i zat i ons, and you need the Met a
Model t o unt angl e t hem. What do they me an i n real, practical terms?
The way to fi nd thi s out i s by aski ng for the evi dence that lets you
know the criterion has been met . It may not always be easy to find
the answers, but the quest i on to ask is:
Ho w woul d you know i f you got them?
If one of your criteria is l earni ng, what are you goi ng to learn about
and how will you do it? What are the possibilities? And how will you
know when you have l earned somet hi ng? A feeling? The abi l i ty to do
s omet hi ng that you have not been abl e to do? These specific questi ons
are very valuable. Cri teri a t end to di sappear i n a smoke screen when
they come i nto contact wi t h the real worl d.
Whe n you have found out what these criteria really me an to you,
you can ask whet her they are realistic. If by success you me an a five
figure salary, a Ferrari, a town house, a count ry cottage and a hi gh-
powered j o b i n the Ci t y all before your next birthday, you may well
be di sappoi nted. Di sappoi nt ment , as Robert Di l ts likes to say, requires
adequate pl anni ng. To be really di sappoi nted, you must have
fantasi zed at great l engt h about what you want to happen.
Cri teri a are vague and can be i nterpreted very differently by other
people. I remember a good exampl e from a coupl e I know well. For
her, compet ence meant that she had actual l y done some task
successfully. It was si mpl y descri pti ve and not a hi ghl y val ued
criterion. For hi m, compet ence meant the feel i ng that he coul d do a
task if he put his mind to it. Feel i ng compet ent in this way gave hi m self-
esteem and i t was hi ghl y val ued. Whe n she called hi m i ncompet ent ,
he got very upset - until he understood what she actual l y meant . How
different peopl e see the criterion of mal e and femal e attractiveness i s
the force that makes the world go round.
HI E R A R C HY OF CRI TE RI A
Many thi ngs are i mportant to us, and one useful step is to get a sense
of the relative i mport ance of your criteria. Si nce criteria are context-
related, the ones you appl y to your work will be different to the ones
you appl y to your personal rel ati onshi ps. We can use criteria to
expl ore an issue like commi t ment to a j ob or a group of peopl e. Here
is an exerci se to expl ore the criteria in thi s issue:
1. Suppose you had commi t t ed yoursel f to a group, what woul d have
to be true for you to leave? Fi nd the val ue or cri teri on that woul d
moti vate you to go. Do not j ump to life or death issues at the start,
think of somet hi ng that woul d be just enough to tip the scales.
2. Next , ask what woul d have to be true to stay on even if (1)
happened? Find the criterion that woul d override what you
di scovered at (1).
3. The n ask what woul d have to be true for you to leave gi ven (1) and
(2) have happened? Find a more i mportant criterion.
4. Cont i nue until you can go no further, so nothing woul d i nduce you
to stay on if your last criterion (n) happened. You are sure to find
some i nteresti ng ideas en route from (1) to (n).
You can use criteria in many ways. Firstly, we often do thi ngs for
crummy reasons. Reasons that do not fully express our values. Equal l y
we may want to do s omet hi ng in a vague sort of way, but it does not
get done because other more i mport ant criteria stand in the way. Thi s
links back to out comes i n the fi rst chapter. An out come may need to
be connect ed to a larger out come that is sufficiently mot i vat i ng
because it is backed by i mportant criteria. Cri teri a provi de the energy
for out comes. If you can make s omet hi ng i mportant to you by l i nki ng
it to hi gh criteria, obstacl es will vani sh.
Suppose you thi nk it woul d be a good idea if you took regul ar
exercise to get fit. Somehow, ti me goes on and you do not get round
to it, because it is difficult to find the t i me in a busy week. Connect i ng
regular exerci se wi th l ooki ng attractive and havi ng extra st ami na for
pl ayi ng an enjoyable sport is likely to be far more mot i vat i ng and can
override the ti me factor, so that you create the time. There is usual l y
ti me for what we really want to do. We do not have t i me for thi ngs
that do not moti vate us sufficiently.
The way you think about your criteria will have a submodal i t y
structure. The i mportant ones may be represented by a bigger, cl oser
or bri ghter pi cture, or a l ouder sound, or a stronger feel i ng, perhaps
l ocal i zed in a particular part of your body. What are the submodal i t i es
of your criteria, and how do you know whi ch criteria are i mportant
to you? There are no rules that work in every case. It is worth
expl ori ng these i deas for yourself.
S NAK E S A N D L ADDE R S -- S T E P P I NG UP A N D
S T E P P I NG D O W N
Whe n you connect your acti ons to criteria, it is rather like pl ayi ng a
game of snakes and ladders. You can start wi th some small issue, but
if you connect it to i mportant criteria, you are taken very qui ckl y to
the top of the board. You will be moti vated to do it, and you will think
about i t wi th submodal i t i es that make i t compel l i ng.
Ho w we connect events and ideas forms the substance of our maps,
the roads bet ween the cities. Underst andi ng an issue means not onl y
havi ng the i nformati on, but also connect i ng it to other parts of our
map. Whe n we deal t wi t h the si ze of our out comes, we connect ed a
smal l er out come to a larger one to give energy, and broke down a large
out come into a series of smal l er ones to make it easi er to handl e. Thi s
was an exampl e of a general i dea whi ch is known as chunking or stepping
i n NLP. Chunki ng i s a term from the comput er worl d, me ani ng to
break thi ngs into bits. To chunk up or step up is to move from the
specific: to the general , or from a part to the whol e. Chunki ng or
st eppi ng down moves from the general to the specific, or from t he
whol e to a part.
The i dea is si mpl e. Take for exampl e an everyday object such as a
chair. To step up to the next level you woul d ask, ' What is this an
exampl e of ?' One answer woul d be, 'An i t em of furniture,' You coul d
also ask, ' What is this a part of?' One answer woul d be, 'A di ni ng
suite.' To step down, you ask the quest i on in reverse, ' What is a specific
exampl e of the class of objects known as chai rs?' One answer woul d
be, 'An armchair,' The hi gher level always cont ai ns what is at the lower
level.
You can al so step si deways and ask, ' What is anot her exampl e of
this class of t hi ngs?' To step si deways from a chair mi ght come up wi th
the answer, 'Table.' To step si deways from armchai r mi ght come to
'Deckchair. ' The si deways exampl e i s al ways det ermi ned by what i s
at the next level up. You cannot ask for another exampl e unl ess you
know what it is another exampl e of.
The Me t a Model uses this idea; i t expl ores the downward di recti on,
maki ng the i dea more and more specific. The Mi l t on Model goes up
to the general level so as to take in all the specific exampl es bel ow it.
If s omeone asks you for a dri nk and you give them a coffee, they
may actual l y want a l emonade. Both coffee and l emonade are drinks,
You need more specific i nformati on.
St eppi ng down goes to specifics, sensory- based, real worl d events.
(I want 25 fluid ounces of brand Fi zzo l emonade in a tall glass at a
t emperat ure of 5 Cent i grade, wi th three l umps of ice, shaken, not
stirred.) St eppi ng up can event ual l y l ead to out comes and criteria (I
want a drink because I am thirsty), if you start aski ng why at a hi gh
level.
Jokes, of course, make great use of st eppi ng and t hen suddenl y
changi ng the rules on top. Peopl e connect thi ngs i n wei rd and
wonderful ways (accordi ng t o our own map anyway). Do not assume
they use the same rules as you do to connect ideas. Do not as s ume
you know their rules at all. Li ke a game of Chi nese whi spers, the
further you go wi t h the rules slightly changi ng each t i me, the further
away you will be from where you thi nk you are.
Here is an exercise in steppi ng up in different ways. Coffee can be
linked to each of the following in a different way. In the first exampl e,
tea and coffee are both members of a more general class called
beverages. See if you can find a different step up for coffee and each
of the others in turn:
1, Tea and coffee? Beverages.
2. Yams and coffee?
3. Cl i ni c and coffee?
4. Amphet ami nes and coffee?
5. Ignati a and coffee?
(Answers at the end of the chapter.)
So it is possi bl e to chunk si deways to some very different t hi ngs and
arrive in a very different pl ace. It is like the oft-quoted i dea that in
this gl obal village, six social rel ati onshi ps will bri ng you to anybody
i n the worl d. ( I know Fred (1), who knows J o a n (2), who knows Sus y
(3), who knows J i m (4), etc. )
So once agai n me ani ng depends on context. The links we make are
i mportant. Wal l s are hel d up not so much by the bricks as by the
mortar that connect s t hem. What i s i mport ant to us, and how we
connect i deas i s i mport ant i n meet i ngs, negot i at i ons and sel l i ng.
META P R OG RAMS
Met aprograms are perceptual filters that we habi tual l y act on. There
i s so much i nf ormat i on we could attend to, and most gets i gnored as
we have at most ni ne chunks of consci ous attenti on available.
Met aprograms are patterns we use to det ermi ne what i nformati on
gets t hrough. For exampl e, thi nk of a glass full of water. Now i magi ne
dri nki ng hal f of it. Is the glass half full or half empty? Both, of course,
it's a matter of vi ewpoi nt . Some peopl e noti ce what is positive about
a si tuati on, what is actual l y there, others noti ce what is mi ssi ng. Both
ways of l ooki ng are useful and each person will favour one vi ew or
the other.
Met aprograms are systemati c and habi tual , and we do not usual l y
questi on them i f they serve us reasonabl y well. The patterns may be
the same across contexts, but few peopl e are consistently habi tual , so
met aprograms are likely to change wi th a change of context. What
hol ds our attenti on in a work envi ronment may be different from what
we pay attenti on to at home.
So met aprograms filter the worl d to hel p us create our own map.
You can notice other peopl e' s met aprograms both through their
l anguage and behavi our. Because met aprograms filter experi ence and
we pass on our experi ence wi t h l anguage, certai n patterns of l anguage
are typical of certai n met aprograms.
Met aprograms are i mportant i n the key areas of mot i vat i on and
deci si on- maki ng. Good communi cat ors shape their l anguage to fi t the
other person' s model of the worl d. So usi ng l anguage that accords wi th
another person' s met aprograms pre shapes the i nf ormat i on and
ensures he can easi l y make sense of it. Thi s leaves hi m more energy
for deci si on- maki ng and getti ng moti vated.
As you read through these met aprograms you may fi nd yoursel f
sympat hi zi ng wi th one particular vi ew i n each category. You may even
wonder how anyone coul d possi bl y think differently. Thi s is a cl ue to
the pattern you use yourself. Of the two ext remes wi thi n a
met aprogram pattern, there is likely to be one you can' t stand or
understand. The other i s your own.
There are many patterns that mi ght qualify as met aprograms, and
different NLP books will emphasi ze different patterns. We will gi ve
some of the most useful ones here. No value j udgment i s i mpl i ed about
these patterns. None are ' better' or 'right' in themsel ves. It all
depends on the context and the out come you want. Some patterns
work best gi ven a particular type of task. The quest i on is: can you act
in the most useful way for the task you have to do?
P r o a c t i v e - R e a c t i v e
Thi s fi rst met aprogram i s about acti on. The proactive person initiates,
he j umps i n and gets on wi th it. He does not wait for others to initiate
action.
The reactive person waits for others to initiate an acti on or bi des her
ti me before acti ng. She may take a l ong ti me to deci de or never
actual l y take any acti on.
A proactive person will tend to use compl ete sentences with a
personal subject ( noun or pronoun) , an active verb and a tangi bl e
object, e.g. *I am goi ng to meet the managi ng director.'
A reactive person will tend to use passi ve verbs and i ncompl et e
sentences. He i s al so likely to use qual i fyi ng phrases and
nomi nal i zat i ons, e.g. 'Is there any chance that it mi ght be possi bl e to
arrange a meet i ng wi t h the managi ng director?'
Even in such a short exampl e there are many possibilities for
maki ng use of this pattern. A proacti ve person is mot i vat ed by phrases
like ' Go to it', ' Do it' and ' Ti me to act.' In a sales si tuati on, proacti ve
peopl e are more l i kel y to go ahead and buy and make quick deci si ons.
A reactive person woul d respond best to phrases like 'Wait', ' Let ' s
analyse', ' Thi nk about it' and ' See what the others think.'
Few peopl e act out these patterns i n such an ext reme way Mos t
show a mi xture of the two traits.
T o w a r d s - A w a y
The second pattern i s about mot i vat i on and expl ai ns how peopl e
mai ntai n thei r focus. Peopl e wi th a towards met aprogram stay focused
on thei r goals. The y go for what they want. Away peopl e recogni ze
probl ems easi l y and they know what to avoi d, for they are cl ear about
what they do not want. Thi s can l ead to probl ems for t hem i n setti ng
wel l -formed out comes. Re me mbe r the ol d argument i n busi ness,
educat i on and parent i ng - whet her to use the carrot or the stick
approach? In other words, is it better to offer peopl e i ncenti ves or
threats? The answer of course is: i t all depends whom you want to
moti vate. Towards peopl e are energi zed by goal s and rewards. Away
peopl e are mot i vat ed t o avoid probl ems and puni shment . Argui ng
whi ch is best in general is futile.
It is easy to recogni ze this pattern from a person' s l anguage. Does
she talk about what she wants, achi eves or gains? Or does she tell you
about the si tuati ons she wants to avoid and the probl ems to steer cl ear
of? Towards peopl e are best empl oyed in goal -getti ng. Away from
peopl e are excel l ent at fi ndi ng errors and work well in a j ob like qual i ty
control. Art critics usual l y have a strong away ori entati on as many a
performi ng artist can testify!
I n t e r n a l - E x t e r n a l
Thi s pattern i s about where peopl e fi nd thei r standards. An internal
person will have his standards i nternal i zed and use t hem to compare
courses of acti on and deci de what to do. He will use his own standards
to make a compari son and a deci si on. In answer to the ques t i on, ' How
do you know you have done a good pi ece of work?', he i s likely to say
s omet hi ng like, ' I just know.' Internal peopl e take i n i nf ormat i on but
will insist on deci di ng for themsel ves from thei r own standards. A
strongl y i nternal person will resist s omeone el se' s deci si on on thei r
behalf, even if it is a good one.
External peopl e need others to suppl y the standards and di recti on.
The y know a j ob i s wel l done whe n s omeone tells t hem so. External s
need to have an external standard. The y will ask you about your
standards. It looks as t hough they have difficulty deci di ng.
Interna] peopl e have difficulty accept i ng management . The y are
likely to make good entrepreneurs and are attracted to self-
empl oyment . The y have little need of supervi si on.
External peopl e need to be managed and supervi sed. The y need the
standard for success to come from the outsi de, otherwi se they are
unsure i f they have done thi ngs correctly. One way you can identify
this met aprogram is by asking: ' How do you know you have done a
good j ob?' Internal peopl e will tell you they deci de. External peopl e
tell you they know because s omeone el se has conf i rmed it.
O p t i o n s - P r o c e d u r e s
Thi s pattern is i mportant in busi ness. An options person wants to have
choi ces and devel op alternatives. He will hesi tate to follow wel l -worn
procedural paths, however good they are. The procedures person i s good
at fol l owi ng set, laid down courses of acti on, but not very good at
devel opi ng t hem, bei ng more concerned wi th how t o do s omet hi ng
than why she mi ght want to do it. She is likely to believe there is a
'right' way to do thi ngs. It is obvi ousl y not a good i dea to empl oy a
procedures person to generate alternatives to the present system. Nor
is it useful to empl oy an opti ons person to follow a fixed procedure
where success depends on following the procedure to the letter. The y
are not strong on following routi nes. The y may feel compel l ed to be
creative.
You can identify this met aprogram by aski ng: ' Why di d you choose
your current j ob?' Opt i ons peopl e will give you reasons why they di d
what they did. Procedures peopl e will tend to tell you how they came
to do what they did or just gi ve facts. They answer the questi on as
if it were a ' how to' quest i on.
Opt i ons peopl e respond to promoti onal i deas that expand their
choi ces. Procedures peopl e respond to ideas that give t hem a cl ear-cut,
proven path.
G e n e r a l - S p e c i f i c
Thi s pattern deal s wi t h chunki ng. General peopl e like to see the bi g
pi cture. They are most comfortabl e deal i ng with large chunks of
i nformati on. The y are the gl obal thinkers. The specific person i s most
There i s no right answer, of course, as their rel ati onshi p involves
poi nts of si mi l ari ty and difference.
The questi on hi ghl i ghts four possi bl e patterns. There are peopl e
who match, who notice thi ngs that are the same. They mi ght say that
all three tri angl es are the same. ( As i ndeed they are.) Such peopl e will
comfortabl e wi th small pi eces of i nf ormat i on, bui l di ng from smal l to
large, and so is comfortabl e with sequences, in extreme cases onl y
bei ng able to deal wi th the next step in the sequence he is following.
Specifics peopl e will talk about ' steps' and ' sequences' and give
precise descri pti ons. The y will tend to specify and use proper names.
The general person, as you mi ght expect, general i zes. He may leave
out steps in a sequence, maki ng it hard to follow. He will see the whol e
sequence as one chunk rather than a series of graded steps. The
general person del etes a lot of i nformati on. I bought some j uggl i ng
balls some ti me ago and the i nstructi ons that came wi th t hem were
clearly wri tten by a very general person. The y went as follows: ' St and
erect, bal anced wi th your feet shoul der wi dth apart. Breathe evenly.
Start to j uggl e;
General peopl e are good at pl anni ng and devel opi ng strategies.
Specific peopl e are good at small step sequenti al tasks that involve
attenti on to detail. You can tell from a person' s l anguage whether he
is a genera] or a specific thinker. Does he give you detai l s or the bi g
picture?
M a t c h - M i s m a t c h
Thi s pattern i s about maki ng compari sons. Some peopl e not i ce what
is the same about thi ngs. Thi s is called matching. (It is not related to
the rapport pattern. ) Aftrmatchers not i ce what is different whe n
maki ng compari sons. They poi nt out the differences and often get
involved i n argument s. A person that chunks down and mi smat ches
will go over i nf ormat i on with a fine t oot hcomb l ooki ng for
di screpanci es. If you mat ch and thi nk i n bi g chunks, he will drive you
crazy. Look at the three triangles below. Take a mome nt to answer this
quest i on silently to yourself: What i s the rel ati onshi p bet ween t hem?
often be cont ent i n t he s ame j ob or the same type of work for many
years, and they are good at tasks that remai n essenti al l y the same.
There are peopl e who noti ce sameness with exception. The y noti ce
similarities first, then differences. Looki ng at the di agram, they may
answer that two triangles are the same and one i s different, bei ng
upsi de down. ( Qui t e right. ) Such peopl e usual l y like changes to occur
gradual l y and slowly, and like their work si tuati on to evolve over ti me.
Whe n they know how to do a j ob, t hey are ready to do i t for a l ong
ti me and are good at most tasks. They will use comparati ves a lot,
e.g. 'better', 'worse', ' more' , 'less'. The y respond to promoti onal
materi al that uses words like 'better', ' i mproved' or ' advanced' .
Di fference peopl e are the mismatckers. They woul d say ail three
tri angl es are different. ( Ri ght agai n. ) Such peopl e seek out and enjoy
change, often changi ng j obs rapi dl y They will be attracted to
i nnovati ve products, adverti sed as ' new' or 'different'.
Differences with exception peopl e will noti ce differences first, then
similarities. The y mi ght say the triangles are different and two of them
are the same way up. They seek out change and variety, but not to
the extent of the difference peopl e. So to find out this met aprogram
ask, ' What i s the rel ati onshi p bet ween these two things?
C o n v i n c e r P a t t e r n s
There are two aspects to how a person becomes convi nced of
somet hi ng. Firstly, what channel the i nformati on comes through, and
secondl y how the person manages the i nformati on once they have i t
(the mode).
First the channel . Thi nk of a sales si tuati on. What does a cust omer
need to do to be convi nced that the product i s worthwhi l e? Or what
evi dence does a manager need to be convi nced chat s omeone is good
at her j ob? The answer to this questi on is often related to a person' s
pri mary representati onal system. Some peopl e need to see the evi dence
(vi sual ). Others need to hear from others. Some peopl e need to read a
report, for exampl e The Cons umers Associ at i on reports compare and
give i nformati on about many products. Ot hers have to do somet hi ng.
The y may need to use the product to eval uate i t or work al ongsi de
a new empl oyee before deci di ng she i s compet ent . The questi on to ask
to det ermi ne this met aprogram is: ' How do you know s omeone i s good
at hi s j ob?'
A visued person needs to see exampl es. A hear person needs to talk
to peopl e and gather i nformati on. A read person needs to read reports
or references about s omeone. A do person has to actual l y do the work
wi th a person to be convi nced she is good at her j ob.
The other side to this met aprogram i s how peopl e learn new tasks
most easily. A vi sual person l earns a new task most easi l y if he is shown
how to do it, A hear person will learn best if she is told what to do.
A read person l earns best by readi ng i nstructi ons. A do person l earns
best by goi ng and doi ng i t for hi m or herself, get t i ng ' hands- on
experi ence' .
The second part of this met aprogram i s about how the person
manages the i nf ormat i on and how i t needs to be presented. Some
peopl e need to be presented with the evi dence a particular number
of ti mes - perhaps two, three or more - before they are convi nced.
Thes e are peopl e who are convi nced by a number of examples. Ot her
peopl e do not need much i nformati on. The y get a few facts, i magi ne
the rest and deci de quickly. The y often j u mp to concl usi ons on very
little data. Thi s is called the automatic pattern. On the other hand, some
peopl e are never really convi nced. The y will onl y be convi nced for a
particular exampl e or a particular context. Thi s is known as the
consistent pattern. Tomorrow you may have to prove it to t hem all over
agai n, because t omorrow is anot her day. They need convi nci ng all the
time. Lastl y some peopl e need to have thei r evi dence presented over
a period of time - a day, a week - before becomi ng convi nced.
Thi s i s a very brief survey of some of the mai n met aprograms. The y
were ori gi nal l y devel oped by Ri chard Bandi er and Leslie Cameron
Bandier, and were further devel oped for use i n busi ness by Rodger
Bailey as the ' Language and Behavi our Profile'. Cri teri a are often
referred to as met aprograms, but they are not patterns, they are the
val ues and thi ngs that really matter to you, so we have treated them
separately.
Ori ent at i on in ti me is often referred to as a met aprogram. Some
peopl e will be in ti me, that is, associ ated wi th thei r ti mel i ne. Some
peopl e are through t i me, that is, pri mari l y di ssoci ated from thei r
ti mel i ne. Anot her pattern that is often referred to as a met aprogram
i s preferred perceptual position, Some peopl e spend most of their ti me
i n first posi ti on, i n thei r own reality. Ot hers empat hi ze more and will
spend a lot of t i me in second posi ti on. Others prefer third posi ti on.
Di fferent books will have varyi ng lists of met aprogram patterns,
and there is no right answer, except to use those patterns that are
useful to you and i gnore the rest. Re me mbe r everyt hi ng i s likely to
change wi th context. A man who wei ghs 90 ki l ograms will be heavy
in the context of an aerobics class. He will be at the ext reme end of
scale there. Put hi m in a gymnas i um full of Sumo wrestlers and he
will be at the light end of the scale. A person who appears very
proactive in one context may seem reactive in another. Similarly, a
person may be very specific in a work context, yet very general in hi s
leisure pursuits.
Met aprograms may al so change wi th emot i onal state. A person
may become more proacti ve under stress and more reactive
when comfortabl e. As wi th all the patterns presented i n this book,
the answer is always the person in front of you. The pattern is
onl y the map. Met aprograms are not another way of pi geon-
hol i ng peopl e. The i mportant questi ons are: Can you be aware
of your own patterns? What choi ces can you give others? The y are
useful gui di ng patterns. Learn to identify onl y one pattern at
a time. Learn to use the skills one at a ti me. Us e t hem if they
are useful.
M e t a p r o g r a m S u m m a r y
1. Proact i ve- React i ve
The proacti ve person initiates acti on. The reactive person waits for
others to initiate acti on and for thi ngs to happen. He will take ti me
to anal yse and understand fi rst.
2. Towards-Away
The towards person stays focused on his or her own goals and i s
moti vated by achi evement . The away person focuses on probl ems
to be avoi ded rather than goal s to be achi eved.
3. Int ernal - Ext ernal
The internal person has internal standards and deci des for hi m or
herself. The externa! person takes standards from out si de and
needs di recti on and i nstructi on to come from others.
4. Op t i o n s - Pr o c e d u r e s
Opt i ons peopl e want choi ces and are good at devel opi ng
alternatives. Procedures peopl e are good at following set courses of
procedures. The y are not act i on- mot i vat ed and are good at
following a fixed series of steps,
5. General - Speci f i c
General peopl e are most comfortabl e deal i ng wi th large chunks of
i nformati on. The y do not pay attenti on to details. Specific peopl e
pay attenti on to detai l s and need small chunks to make sense of
a larger picture.
6. Mat ch- Mi s mat ch.
Peopl e who mat ch will mostl y noti ce poi nts of si mi l ari ty i n a
compari son. Peopl e who mi smat ch will noti ce differences when
maki ng a compari son.
7. Convi ncer patterns
Channel:
Vi sual : Need to see the evi dence.
Hear: Need to be told.
Read: Need to read.
Do: Need to act.
Mode:
Numbe r of Exampl es: Need t o have the i nf ormat i on some
number of ti mes before becomi ng convi nced.
Aut omat i c: Ne e d onl y partial i nformati on.
Consi stent: Need to have the i nformati on every ti me to be
convi nced, and then onl y for that exampl e.
Peri od of ti me: Need to have the i nformati on remai n consi stent
for s ome peri od of ti me.
S E L L I NG
Sales psychol ogy al ready has given rise to whol e libraries of books,
and we will onl y touch on i t lightly here, to show s ome of the
possibilities usi ng NLP i deas.
Sel l i ng is often mi sunderst ood, like adverti si ng. A popul ar
defi ni ti on describes adverti si ng as the art of arresti ng human
i ntel l i gence l ong enough to get mone y from it. In fact, the whol e
purpose of sales, as the book, The O ne Minute Sales Person by Spencer
Johns on and Larry Wi l son puts very eloquently, i s to hel p peopl e to
get what they want. The more you hel p peopl e to get what they want,
the more successful a sal esperson you will be.
Many NLP i deas will work towards this purpose. Initial rapport i s
i mportant. Anchori ng resources will enabl e you t o meet chal l enges i n
a resourceful state. Feel i ng good about your work lets you do good
work.
Future paci ng can hel p to create the si tuati ons and feel i ngs that you
want, by mental l y rehearsi ng t hem fi rst. Set t i ng wel l -formed out comes
is an i nval uabl e skill in selling. In Chapt er 1 you appl i ed the well-
formedness criteria t o your own out comes, The same quest i ons t hat
you used there can be used to hel p others become clear about what
they want. Thi s skill i s crucial i n sel l i ng because you can onl y satisfy
the buyer if you know exactl y what they want.
The i dea of st eppi ng up and down can hel p you find out what peopl e
need. What are thei r criteria? What i s i mportant to them about a
product?
Do they have an out come i n mi nd about what they are buyi ng, and
can you hel p them to realize it?
I remember a personal exampl e. There is a hi gh street near where
I live whi ch has many more than its fair share of hardware shops. The
one that does the best busi ness is a smal l , rather out of the way shop.
The owner always makes a genui ne attempt to find out what you are
doi ng and what you want the tool or equi pment for. Al t hough he does
not always get good rapport, for somet i mes hi s i nterrogati on verges
on the third degree, he makes sure that he does not sell you anyt hi ng
that does not specifically hel p you achi eve what you want to do. If he
does not have the right tool, he will direct you to a shop that does.
He survi ves very well i n the face of strong compet i t i on from bi g chai n
stores wi th substanti al l y lower prices.
In our model he steps up to fi nd out the criteria and out come of
his cust omers, and then steps down to exactly the specific tool they
need. Thi s may involve a step si deways from what the cust omer
actual l y asked for in the first place, (It always does whe n I go there. )
St eppi ng si deways is very useful to find out what a person likes
about a product. What are the good poi nts? Where are the poi nt s of
difference that means a person chooses one product rather than
another? Expl ori ng what a person wants in these three di recti ons is
a consi stent pattern of top sal espeopl e. Congruence is essenti al . Woul d
a sal esperson use the product he is selling? Doe s he really bel i eve in
the advantages he recites? Incongruence can leak out i n tonal i ty and
posture, and make the buyer uneasy.
F RAME S
Frami ng i n NLP refers to the way we put thi ngs i nt o different contexts
to give t hem different meani ngs; what we make i mportant at that
moment . Here are f i ve useful ways of frami ng events. Some have been
i mpl i ci t i n other aspects of NLP, and i t i s worth maki ng t hem explicit
here.
Outcome frame
Thi s i s eval uat i ng i n terms of out comes. Firstly know your own
out come, and make sure it is wel l -formed. Is it positive? Is it under
your control ? Is it specific enough and the right size? What is the
evi dence? Do you have the resources to carry it out? How does it fit
with your other out comes?
Secondl y, you may need to elicit out comes from any other peopl e
involved, to hel p t hem get clear what they want, so you can all move
forward. Thi rdl y, there i s dovetai l i ng out comes. Onc e you have your
out come and the other person's out come, you can see how they fi t
together. You may need to negoti ate over any di fferences bet ween
them.
Lastly, by keepi ng out comes i n mi nd you can noti ce i f you are
movi ng towards t hem. If you are not, you need t o do s omet hi ng
different.
The out come frame i s an ext remel y useful pair of spectacl es wi th
whi ch to vi ew your actions. In busi ness, i f executi ves do not have a
clear vi ew of their out come, they have no fi rm basis for deci si ons and
no way of j udgi ng if an acti on is useful or not.
Ecology Frame
Agai n this has been deal t wi th expl i ci tl y wi th out comes and i mpl i ci tl y
throughout the book. How do my acti ons fi t i nto the wi der systems
of family, friends, professional interests? Is it expressi ve of my overall
i ntegri ty as a human bei ng? And does i t respect the i ntegri ty of the
other peopl e involved? Congruence i s the way our unconsci ous mi nd
lets us know about ecol ogy, and is a prerequi si te of act i ng wi th
wi sdom.
E v i d e n c e Frame
Thi s concentrates on clear and specific detai l s. In particular how will
you know whe n you have attai ned your out come? What will you see,
hear and feel? Thi s forms part of the out come frame, and is somet i mes
useful to appl y on its own, especi al l y to criteria.
A s I f F r a m e
Thi s frame i s a way of creati ve probl em- sol vi ng by pret endi ng that
160 Introducing Neuro-Lmguista Programming
s omet hi ng has happened i n order to expl ore possi bi l i ti es. Start wi th
the words, 'If this happened , . .' or, ' Let' s suppose that . . .' There
are many ways this can be useful. For exampl e, if a key person is
mi ssi ng from a meet i ng, you can ask, 'If X were here, what woul d she
do?' If s omeone knows X well the answers they come up wi th can be
very helpful. ( Al ways check back wi th X later if i mport ant deci si ons
are to be made. )
Anot her way of usi ng the i dea is to project yoursel f six mont hs or
a year i nto a successful future, and l ooki ng back, ask, ' What were the
steps that we took then, that l ed us to this state now?' From thi s
perspecti ve you can often di scover i mportant i nformati on that you
cannot see easi l y in the present because you are too close to it.
Anot her way i s to take the worst case that coul d happen. What
woul d you do i f the worst happened? What opt i ons and pl ans do you
have? 'As if can be used to expl ore the worst case as a specific exampl e
of a more general and very useful process known as downsi de
pl anni ng. (A process i nsurance compani es make a great deal of money
from. )
Backtrack Frame
Thi s frame i s si mpl e. You recapi tul ate the i nformati on you have up
to that poi nt usi ng the other person' s key words and tonalities i n the
backtrack. Thi s is what makes it different to a summary, whi ch often
systemati cal l y distorts the other person' s words. Backtrack is useful
to open a di scussi on, to update new peopl e in a group, and to check
agreement and underst andi ng of the parti ci pants in a meet i ng. It
helps bui l d rapport and is i nval uabl e any ti me you get lost; it clarifies
the way forward.
Many messages seem to come to agreement , but the parti ci pants
go away wi th totally different i deas about what was agreed. Backtrack
can keep you on course towards the desired out come.
ME E T I NGS
Al t hough we will descri be meet i ngs in a busi ness context, the patterns
apply equal l y to any context where two or more peopl e meet for a
c o mmo n purpose. As you read t hrough the rest of this chapter, thi nk
of each pattern i n what ever cont ext i s appropri ate to you.
NLP has a lot to offer i n a busi ness context. The greatest resource
of any busi ness is the peopl e in it. The more effective the peopl e
become, the more effective the busi ness will be, A busi ness is a team
of peopl e worki ng towards a c o mmo n goal. Thei r success will depend
mai nl y on how well they deal wi th these key points:
a) Goal Setti ng.
b) Communi c at i ng effectively wi t hi n the group and to the out si de
world.
c) Readi ng their envi ronment accurately. Keepi ng cust omer needs
and responses i n mi nd.
d) Commi t me nt t o success: congruence.
The resourceful ness, flexibility, perceptual filters, presentati on and
communi cat i on skills of the i ndi vi dual s i n the busi ness det ermi ne how
successful it is. NLP addresses the preci se skills that create success in
the busi ness world.
NLP goes to the heart of a busi ness organi zat i on by refi ni ng and
devel opi ng the effectiveness of each i ndi vi dual me mbe r carryi ng out
these tasks. Busi ness meet i ngs are one place many of these skills will
come together. We will start by deal i ng wi th co-operati ve meet i ngs
where most peopl e will broadl y agree about t he out come. Meet i ngs
where there are apparentl y confl i cti ng out comes will be dealt wi th
under negoti ati on.
Meet i ngs are purposeful and the purpose of co-operati ve meet i ngs
is likely to be explicit, for exampl e, to meet wi th col l eagues once a week
to exchange i nf ormat i on, make deci si ons and al l ocate responsibility.
Ot her exampl es woul d be pl anni ng next year' s budget , a performance
appraisal, or a project review.
As a parti ci pant in an i mportant meet i ng you need to be in a strong,
resourceful state, and congruent about the part you have to play.
Anchors can hel p, both before a meet i ng to get you in a good state,
and duri ng a meet i ng if thi ngs start to go awry. Re me mbe r other
peopl e will be anchors for you, and you are an anchor to others. The
room itself may be an anchor. An office is often a place full of the
trappi ngs of personal power and success of the person behi nd the desk.
You may need all the resources you can get.
The members hi p and agenda of the meet i ng need t o be settled i n
advance. You must be clear about your out come. You al so need an
evi dence procedure: how you will know i f you achi eve it. You need
to be very clear about what you woul d want to see, hear and feel.
If you have no out come for the meet i ng, you are probabl y wast i ng
your ti me.
The basic format for successful meet i ngs resembl es the three mi nut e
NLP semi nar i n Chapt er 1:
1. Kn o w what you want .
2. Kn o w wha t ot hers want .
3. Fi nd ways i n wh i c h y o u can all get i t.
Thi s seems si mpl e and obvi ous, but i t i s often lost i n the rough and
t umbl e, and step 3 may be difficult if there are wi del y confl i cti ng
interests.
Whe n the meet i ng starts, get consensus on a shared out come. It is
i mportant that all agree on an out come for the meet i ng, s ome
c ommon issue to be deal t wi th. Whe n you have the out come, anchor
it. The easiest way to do thi s is to use a key phrase, and write it up
on a board or flip chart. You will also need to agree on the evi dence
that will show that the out come has been achi eved. Ho w will everyone
know whe n they have it? Us e the evi dence frame.
Once agai n, rapport is an essenti al step. You will need to establish
rapport wi t h the other parti ci pants, if you do not have it already, by
usi ng non-verbal skills and mat chi ng l anguage. Be sensi ti ve to any
i ncongruence i n any of the parti ci pants about the shared out come.
There may be hi dden agendas, and i t i s better to know about these
at the outset, rather than later.
Duri ng the di scussi on, the evi dence, ecol ogy, backtrack, and As If
frames may be useful. One probl em that besets meet i ngs i s that they
go off track. Before you know it, the ti me is up and the deci si on or
out come has not been achi eved. Many a meet i ng has gone off at a
t empt i ng tangent and ended up i n a cul -de-sac.
The out come frame can be used to chal l enge the relevance of any
cont ri but i on and so keep the meet i ng on track. Suppose a col l eague
makes a contri buti on to the di scussi on that does not s eem to relate
to the mut ual l y- agreed out come. It may be interesting, i nformati ve
and true, but not relevant. You coul d say s omet hi ng like, T have
troubl e seei ng how that coul d bri ng us nearer to our out come; can
you tell us how it fits i nto this meet i ng?' You can anchor this relevancy
chal l enge vi sual l y wi th a hand or head movement . The speaker must
show how hi s cont ri but i on is relevant. If it is not, then val uabl e ti me
i s saved. The cont ri but i on may be i mport ant i n another cont ext , i n
whi ch case recogni ze it as such, and agree that it be deal t wi th at
another ti me. Cl ose and summari ze each issue as i t ari ses, fitting i t
i nto the agreed out come, or agree to defer i t to anot her meet i ng.
If s omeone is di srupt i ng a meet i ng or l eadi ng it seri ousl y off track,
you mi ght say s omet hi ng like, 'I appreci ate that you feel strongl y
about thi s issue and it is clearly i mport ant to you. However, we agreed
that this is not the place to di scuss it. Can we meet later to settle thi s?'
Cal i brate for congruence when you make these sorts of proposal s.
Cal i brati on may tell you that X lights a ci garette when she is happy
wi th the out come. Y always looks down whe n he objects (so you ask
what he woul d need to feel OK about the issue), Z bites his nails when
unhappy There are so many ways that you can be aware on a deeper
level how the meet i ng is progressi ng and si destep troubl e before it
arises.
At the cl ose of the meet i ng, use the backtrack frame and get
agreement on progress and the out come. Cl earl y defi ne and get
agreement on what acti ons are to be taken and by whom. Somet i mes
there is not a full agreement , so the close is dependent on certai n
acti ons. So you say s omet hi ng like, Tf this happened and if X di d thi s
and if we persuade Y that this is alright, then we proceed?' Thi s is
known as a condi ti onal close.
Anchor the agreement wi th key words and future pace. What will
remi nd the parti ci pants to do what they have agreed? Project the
agreement out of the room and make sure i t i s connect ed to other
i ndependent events that can act as si gnal s to remi nd the peopl e to take
the agreed acti on.
Research has shown that we remember thi ngs best whe n they occur
in the first or last few mi nut es of a meet i ng. Take advantage of this
and place the i mportant poi nts at the begi nni ng and the end of the
meeti ng.
M e e t i n g Format S u m m a r y
A) Before the meeting:
1. Set your out come( s) and the evi dence that will let you know that
you have reached it ( t hem) .
2. Det ermi ne the members hi p and agenda for the meet i ng.
B) During the meeting:
1. Be in a resourceful state. Us e resource anchors if necessary.
2. Establ i sh rapport.
3. Get consensus on a shared out come and the evi dence for it.
4. Us e the relevancy chal l enge to keep the meet i ng on track.
5. If i nf ormat i on is not available, use the As If frame.
6. Us e the backtrack frame to summari ze key agreement s.
7. Keep movi ng towards your out come, by usi ng the Me t a Mode l or
any other tools needed.
C) Closing the meeting:
1. Check for congruence and agreement of the other participants.
2. Summari ze the acti ons to be taken. Use the backtrack frame to take
advantage of the fact that we remember endi ngs more easily.
3. Test agreement if necessary.
4. Us e a condi ti onal close if necessary.
5. Future pace the deci si ons.
NE G OT I A T I ON
Negot i at i on is communi cat i ng for the purpose of get t i ng a joi nt
deci si on, one that can be congruent l y agreed on both sides. It is the
process of getti ng what you want from others by gi vi ng others
what they want, and takes place i n any meet i ng where interests
conflict.
Woul d that it were as easy to do as it is to describe. There is a
bal ance and a dance between your integrity, values and out comes, and
those of the other parti ci pants. The dance of communi cat i on goes
back and forth, s ome interests and val ues will be shared, s ome
opposed. In this sense, negot i at i on permeat es everyt hi ng we do. We
are deal i ng here wi th the process of negoti ati on, rather than what you
are actual l y negot i at i ng over.
Negot i at i on often takes place about scarce resources. The key skill
in negoti ati on is to dovetail out comes: to fit them together so that
everyone involved gets what they want (al though that may not be the
same as their demand at the begi nni ng of the negoti ati on). The
presupposi ti on is that the best way to achi eve your out come is to make
sure that everyone i nvol ved achi eves theirs too.
The opposi te of dovetai l i ng out comes i s mani pul at i on, where other
peopl e' s wants are di sregarded. There are four dragons that lie i n wai t
for those that practise mani pul at i on: remorse, resentment,
recri mi nati on, and revenge. Whe n you negoti ate by seeki ng to
dovetail out comes the other peopl e involved become your allies, not
your opponent s. If a negoti ati on can be framed as allies sol vi ng a
c ommon probl em, the probl em i s already partially solved. Dovet ai l i ng
is finding that area of overlap.
Separate the peopl e from the probl em. It is worth rememberi ng that
most negoti ati ons i nvol ve peopl e wi th whom you have, or want, an
ongoi ng rel ati onshi p. Whet her you are negot i at i ng over a sale, a salary
or a holiday, if you get what you want at the other person' s expense,
or they think you have pulled a fast one, you will l ose goodwi l l that
may be worth much more i n the l ong run than success i n that one
meeti ng.
You will be negot i at i ng because you have different out comes. You
need to expl ore these differences, because they will point to areas
where you can make trade-offs to mutual advantage. Interests that
conflict at one level may be resolved i f you can fi nd ways of each party
getti ng their out come on a hi gher level. Thi s i s where st eppi ng up
enabl es you to fi nd and make use of alternative hi gher level out comes.
The initial out come i s onl y one way of achi evi ng a hi gher level
out come.
For exampl e, in a negot i at i on over salary (initial out come) , more
money i s onl y one way of obt ai ni ng a better qual i ty of life (hi gher level
out come) . There may be other ways of achi evi ng a better qual i ty of
life if money is not available - l onger holidays, or more flexible
worki ng hours, for exampl e. St eppi ng up fi nds bri dges across poi nts
of difference.
Peopl e may want the same t hi ng for different reasons. For exampl e,
i magi ne two peopl e quarrel l i ng over a pumpki n. They both want it.
However, whe n they expl ai n exactl y why they want it, you fi nd that
one wants the fruit to make a pi e, and the ot her wants t he ri nd to make
a Hal l oween mask. Real l y t hey are not fi ghti ng over the same t hi ng
at all, Ma ny conflicts di sappear whe n anal ysed this way. Thi s is a small
exampl e, but i magi ne all the different possibilities there are in any
apparent di sagreement .
If there is a stal emate, and a person refuses to consi der a particular
step, you can ask the quest i on, ' What woul d have to happen for this
not to be a probl em?' or, ' Unde r what ci rcumstances woul d you be
prepared to give way on thi s?' Thi s is a creative appl i cati on of the As
If frame and the answer can often break through the i mpasse. You are
aski ng the person who made the block to think of a way round it.
Set your l i mi ts before you start. It is conf usi ng and self-defeating
to negoti ate with yourself when you need to be negot i at i ng wi th
s omeone else. You need what Roger Fisher and Wi l l i am Ur y i n their
marvel l ous book on negot i at i on, Getting to Yes, call a BATNA, or Best
Al ternati ve To Negot i at ed Agreement . What will you do if despi te all
the efforts of both parties you cannot agree? Havi ng a reasonabl e
BATNA gives you more l everage in the negoti ati on, and a greater
sense of securi ty
Focus on interests and i ntenti ons rather t han behavi our. It i s easy
t o get drawn i nto wi nni ng poi nts and c onde mni ng behavi our, but
really nobody wi ns i n these sorts of si tuati ons.
A wi se and durabl e agreement will take i n communi t y and
ecol ogi cal interests. A mutual l y-sati sfyi ng sol uti on will be based on
a dovetai l i ng of interests, a wi n/ wi n, not a wi n/ l ose model . So what
i s i mport ant i s the probl em and not the peopl e, the i ntenti ons not the
behavi our, the interests of the parties not thei r posi ti ons.
It is al so essenti al to have an evi dence procedure that is i ndependent
of the parti es involved. If the negot i at i on is framed as a joi nt search
for a sol uti on, it will be governed by principles and not pressure. Yi el d
onl y to principle, not pressure.
There are some specific ideas to keep i n mi nd whi l e negoti ati ng.
Do not make an i mmedi at e counter-proposal i mmedi at el y after the
other side has made a proposal. Thi s i s preci sel y the ti me whe n they
are least interested in your offering. Di scuss their proposal first. If you
di sagree, give the reasons first. Sayi ng you di sagree i mmedi at el y is a
good way to make the other person deaf to your next few sentences.
All good negoti ators use a lot of questi ons. In fact two good
negoti ators will often start negot i at i ng over the number of questi ons.
' I' ve answered three of your questi ons, now you answer some of
mi ne . . Quest i ons give you t i me to think, and t hey are an alternative
to di sagreement . It is far better to get the other person to see the
weakness i n hi s posi ti on by aski ng hi m quest i ons about it, rather than
by tel l i ng hi m the weaknesses you perceive.
Good negoti ators al so expl i ci tl y signal thei r questi ons. The y will say
somet hi ng like, ' May I ask you a quest i on about that?' By doi ng so
they focus the attenti on of the meet i ng on the answer and make it
difficult for the person quest i oned to evade the poi nt if he has agreed
to answer the questi on.
It woul d seem that the more reasons you give for your poi nt of vi ew
the better. Phrases like 'the wei ght of the argument ' seem to suggest
it is good to pile argument s on the scales until it comes down on your
side. In fact the opposi te is true. The fewer reasons you give, the better,
because a chai n is onl y as strong as its weakest link. A weak argument
di l utes a strong one, and if you are drawn i nt o def endi ng it, you are
on poor ground. Beware of a person who says, ' Is that your only
argument ?' If you have a good one, say, 'Yes'. Do not get drawn i nto
gi vi ng another, necessari l y weaker one. The follow up may be, ' Is that
a/ P If you take this bait you will just gi ve hi m ammuni t i on. Hopeful l y,
if the negot i at i on is framed as a joi nt search for a sol uti on, this sort
of trick will not occur.
Finally, you coul d use the as if frame and play the devi l ' s advocate
to test the agreement ( ' No, I don' t really think this is goi ng to work,
it all seems too flimsy to me . . .'). If other peopl e agree wi th you, you
know that there is still work to be done. If t hey argue, all is well.
N e g o t i a t i o n C h e c k l i s t
A) Before the negotiation:
Establ i sh your BATNA and your l i mi ts i n the negoti ati on.
B) During the negotiation:
1. Establ i sh rapport.
2. Be cl ear about your own out come and the evi dence for it. Elicit
out comes of the other parti ci pants together wi th their evi dence.
3. Frame the negot i at i on as a joi nt search for a sol uti on.
4. Clarify major issues and obt ai n agreement on a large frame.
Dovetai l out comes, step up if necessary to find a c o mmo n outcome-
Check that you have the congruent agreement of all parties to this
c o mmo n out come.
5. Break the out come down to identify areas of most and least
agreement .
6. Starti ng wi th the easiest areas, move to agreement usi ng these
t roubl e- shoot i ng techni ques:
Negot i at i on goi ng off course ...
Conf l i ct i ng out comes ...
Uncert ai nt y ...
Lack of i nf ormat i on ...
St al emat e ...
Rel evancy chal l enge.
St eppi ng up and down t o
c o mmo n out come.
Backtrack.
As If and the Met a Model .
What woul d have t o happen?
Backtrack as agreement i s reached i n each area, and finish wi t h the
most difficult area.
C^Closing the negotiation
1. Backtrack frame.
2. Test agreement and test congruence.
3. Future pace.
4. Wri te agreement down. AH parti ci pants have a si gned copy.
Answers: 1. Tea and coffee - Beverages. 2. Yams and coffee - Cash crops.
3. Clinic and coffee - Six letter words beginning with 'c'. 4. Amphetamines and
coffee - Stimulants. 5. Ignatia and coffee - Diuretics.
r
CHAPTER
8
P S Y CHOT HE R AP Y
The f i rst NLP model s came from psychotherapy. However NLP i s not
restricted to psychotherapy, it was si mpl y by historical acci dent that
John and Ri chard had access to except i onal performers i n the domai n
of psychotherapy when they began model l i ng. Structure of Magic 1
expl ored how we can limit our worl d by the way we use l anguage, and
how to use the Me t a Model to break free of these l i mi tati ons. The
Structure of Magic 2 devel oped the t heme of representati onal systems and
family therapy. From this basi s, NLP has created many powerful
psychotherapy techni ques, and this chapter will deal wi th three of the
mai n ones: the phobi a cure, the swish pattern and i nternal
negoti ati on. It will also give some gui de as to where they are best used.
The overall frame around all such t echni ques i s to use t hem wi th
wi s dom, appreci ati ng the person' s external rel ati onshi ps and i nternal
bal ance. The i nt ent i on of NLP i s always to give more choi ces, never
to take them away.
There are two essential aspects for any therapist, or anyone who i s
hel pi ng another person make changes i n their life. The fi rst i s
rel ati onshi p. Build and mai nt ai n rapport to establ i sh an at mosphere
of trust. The second i s congruence. You need to be compl et el y
congruent about what you do to hel p the other person, i ncongruence
on your part will give mi xed messages, and reduce the effecti veness
of the change process. Thi s means that you need to act congruent l y
as if you bel i eve the t echni ques will work. Rel at i onshi p and
congruence are at a hi gher l ogi cal level than any t echni que that you
can appl y wi thi n t hem. Us e the out come frame to gather i nf ormat i on
about the present state, the desi red state, and the resources needed
to move from one to the other. Wi t hi n this out come frame, be sensi ti ve
to what you are seei ng, heari ng and feel i ng, and wi l l i ng to respond
to the person' s changi ng concerns. Onl y i nsi de all these frames do you
appl y a t echni que. The techni ques are fixed means. Be prepared to
vary t hem or abandon t hem and use others to achi eve the out come.
FI RST OR DE R C H A N G E
Here i s one way to thi nk about where to apply these techni ques. The
si mpl est case woul d be where you want a si ngl e out come: a different
state or response in a gi ven si tuati on. Thi s is cal l ed a. first order change.
For exampl e, you may find yourself always get t i ng angry wi th a
particular person, or always feeling uncomfortabl e deal i ng wi t h
s omeone at work. Stage fright woul d be another exampl e where public
speaki ng or performi ng ' makes' you feel nervous and i nadequate.
Si mpl e reframes are a good way to start to change this sort of
si tuati on, di scoveri ng when thi s response woul d be useful, and what
el se i t coul d mean. Anchori ng techni ques are also sui tabl e here.
Col l apsi ng, stacki ng or chai ni ng anchors will bri ng over resources
from other contexts. The ori gi nal behavi our or state was anchored,
so you arc usi ng the same process to change the stuck state as was
used t o create it. The Ne w Behavi our Generat or and ment al rehearsal
also work well if you need a new skill or behaviour.
Somet i mes these anchori ng t echni ques will not work because a
person has an overwhel mi ng response to an object or si tuati on. Past
events can make it difficult to change di recti on in the present. Change
Personal Hi st ory may not work because there are traumati c past
experi ences that are difficult even to think about wi t hout feel i ng bad.
Thes e may have created a phobi a, where an object or si tuati on
generates i nstant pani c because they are associ ated with the past
trauma. Phobi as can vary enormousl y: fear of spiders, fear of flying,
fear of open spaces. What ever the cause, the response is overwhel mi ng
anxiety. Phobi as can take years to cure by conventi onal met hods; NLP
has a t echni que that can cure phobi as in one sessi on. It is somet i mes
known as Vi sual / Ki nestheti c (or V/ K) dissociation. Remember to reread
the caut i onary note on page 55 before practi si ng these techni ques.
THE P HOB I A CUR E
You can onl y feel i n the present moment . Any bad feeling from an
unpl easant me mor y must come from the way you are rememberi ng
it. You felt bad back then. Once is enough.
The easiest way to re-experi ence the bad feelings of a past event is
to remember it as an associ ated pi cture. You must be there, seei ng
what there was to see through your own eyes and feel i ng it agai n.
Thi nki ng back on a memory in a di ssoci ated way by l ooki ng at
yourself in the si tuati on reduces the feel i ng in the present.
Thi s is the crucial fact that allows you to erase the bad feelings
associated wi th past events (what an apt phrase that is), so you can
si mpl y look back at them in perspecti ve. If you want to work wi th a
phobi a or a very unpl easant memory of your own, it is best to have
a friend or col l eague gui de you through these steps. Anot her person
will give you i nval uabl e support whe n you are deal i ng wi th difficult
personal i ssues. The t echni que i s descri bed from the poi nt of vi ew of
the gui de or therapist.
1. The client is goi ng on a difficult j ourney i nto the past, so set up
a powerful safety anchor. You can either establ i sh a here- and- now
anchor, or you can ask the client to think, associ ated, to a past
experi ence where they felt very safe. Have t hem see the scene, hear
the sounds, feel the secure feel i ngs. Anchor this securi ty
kinesthetically, by touch. Make sure your t ouch bri ngs a feel i ng of
security. Hol di ng hands works well; you will literally be i n touch
wi th what the person is feeling. You can hol d the anchor
throughout, or use it whe n requi red.
2. Ask the cl i ent to i magi ne hi msel f i n a ci nema or wat chi ng
tel evi si on, wi th a still, frozen i mage on the screen. Whe n that is
establ i shed, ask t he cl i ent to i magi ne fl oati ng out to watch hi msel f
or herself wat chi ng the screen.
3. Have the client float back al ong their ti mel i ne to the unpl easant
event, or to the very first i nci dent that set up the phobi a. It may
not always be possi bl e to get the first, but get the earliest possible.
Have the client run a film of this i nci dent from just before the start,
when he was safe, through to a poi nt whe n the i mmedi at e danger
was past, and he was safe agai n. That has taken one sentence to
describe, but will take some ti me i n reality. The cl i ent will be seei ng
this in a doubl e di ssoci ated state, wat chi ng hi msel f wat chi ng a
younger self go through the experi ence on screen. Thi s mai nt ai ns
the necessary emot i onal di stance. From this posi ti on A in the
di agram, the client watches hi s own physi ol ogy in posi ti on B as he
watches the screen. If hi s physi ol ogy starts to col l apse i nto the
phobi c state, have hi m bl ank the screen i mmedi atel y. Ask hi m to
start the movi e agai n, and ask hi m to change the submodal i ti es of
the pi cture on the screen, for exampl e maki ng i t darker, smaller,
or further away, in order to reduce the i ntensi ty of the negati ve
feelings. Thi s is all part of comi ng to terms wi th the experi ence.
Thi s takes t i me and your exqui si te attenti on. Be creati ve and
flexible to hel p the client wi thi n the basi c process. You need to be
preci se wi t h your l anguage as you gui de the client through the
experi ence, speaki ng to him, here, now, wat chi ng himself, there,
i^tchingbisyounger self in the picture, backthen. If at any ti me the cl i ent
falls back i nto the feeling, come back to the here and now, re-
establ i sh the comfort anchor and start agai n. ( Onl y i f the cl i ent
wi shes, of course. ) Yo may need to reassure the client by sayi ng
s omet hi ng like, 'You are safe, here, pret endi ng to watch a movi e. '
Thi s stage is compl ete when the client has watched it all the way
through i n comfort.
4. Whe n the film is over, congratul ate the client for havi ng re-
experi enced this for the fi rst t i me wi t hout col l apsi ng i nto those old
negati ve feelings and have the client fl oat back i nto his body. In
the di agram, A j oi ns back to B. Thi s will i ntegrate the vi sual
perspecti ve wi th the actual body posi ti on.
5. Now the cl i ent i magi nes st eppi ng i nto the screen to give his younger
self much needed support and encouragement . He can reassure his
younger self, 'I am from the future, you survi ved, it's OK. You
never have to go through i t again. ' The present day person wi th
strength and resources knowi ng what he knows, can cope with the
i nci dent. If the ori gi nal i nci dent involved genui ne danger, it is stUl
alright to have some anxi et y about it. For exampl e, if the phobi a
was of snakes, it is still useful to have a heal thy respect for snakes
and the danger they may pose, but the di sabl i ng fear i s useless, and
will have vani shed.
6. Whe n the younger person underst ands, ask the cl i ent to bri ng the
younger self back from the screen i nto hi s own body, and allow
s ome qui et ti me to recover and i ntegrate the profound changes that
will have taken pl ace.
7. Future pace. Ask the cl i ent to i magi ne (associ ated) the next ti me
that he woul d have expected to feel the fear. Thi s may bri ng a slight
anxi ety, but not the previ ous full bl own fear. We all carry s ome
burden on our shoul ders of past fear and l i mi tati on. Easi ng this
load is a fine gift to give yoursel f and others.
In a way phobi as are qui te an achi evement; a strong, dependabl e
response based on just one experi ence. Peopl e never forget to have the
phobi c response. The closest to havi ng a 'good phobi a' seems to be
'love at first sight'. It woul d be ni ce to give oursel ves and others good
phobi as. Ho w i s i t that s omeone can learn to be consi stentl y and
dependabl y fri ghtened of spiders and yet not learn in the same
dependabl e consi stent way to feel good at the sight of a loved person' s
face?
Marri ages can and do break up because one or both of the partners
does an unconsci ous ' phobi a cure' on their good feelings, di ssoci ati ng
from the good ti mes, and associ ati ng wi th the bad.
The swish pattern is a powerful t echni que that uses critical
submodal i t y changes. It works on a specific behavi our you woul d
rather be wi thout, or responses you woul d rather not make. It is a good
t echni que to use on unwant ed habi ts. The swi sh pattern changes a
probl em state or behavi our by goi ng in a new di recti on. It does not
si mpl y replace the behavi our, it produces a generati ve change.
THE S WI S H P ATTE RN
1. First identify a specific behavi our that you wish to change. Nai l
bi ti ng, overeati ng, or s moki ng woul d be exampl es. You coul d al so
take a si tuati on where you woul d like to respond more
resourcefully, perhaps in deal i ng wi t h a particular person.
2. Treat this l i mi tati on as an achi evement. How do you know whe n
to have the probl em or behavi our? What are the specific cues that
generate it? I magi ne you have to teach s omeone this l i mi tati on,
what woul d t hey have to do?
There must always be a definite and specific cue that triggers the
response. If the cue is i nternal , generated from your thoughts,
make it an i mage exactl y as you experi ence it. If it is an external
cue, pi cture it exactl y as it happens: as an associ ated picture. For
exampl e, the cue for nail bi t i ng mi ght be a pi cture of your hand
approachi ng your mout h. ( The swish i s easiest with vi sual i mages,
al t hough it is possi bl e to do it wi th audi tory or ki nestheti c cues by
worki ng wi th audi tory or ki nestheti c submodal i ti es. )
3. Identi fy at l east two visual submodal i ti es of the cue pi cture that
change your reacti on to it. Si ze and bri ghtness usually work well.
For a majori ty of peopl e i ncreasi ng the size and the bri ghtness of
an i mage will gi ve it greater i mpact. However, there may be others
that are equal l y effective. Test these two submodal i ti es on anot her
i mage to check they have the desi red effect. The y must be
submodal i t i es that you can vary cont i nuousl y over a range.
Break state by t hi nki ng of somet hi ng different for a mome nt
before cont i nui ng.
4. Next, think how you woul d really like to be, the sort of person who
woul d respond differendy, who woul d not have this l i mi tati on.
How woul d you see yourself i f you had made the desi red change?
You woul d have more choi ces, be more capabl e, you coul d come
closer to the person you really want to be. The i mage shoul d be
of yourself wi t h desi red qual i ti es, not behavi ng in a specific way.
The pi cture must be di ssoci ated to be mot i vat i ng and attractive.
An associ ated pi cture will give you the feel i ng that you have the
change already, and therefore it will not moti vate you.
Check that the new sel f-i mage is ecol ogi cal , and fits i nto your
personality, envi ronment and rel ati onshi ps. You may need to make
s ome adjustments as you try i t on.
Thi nk about the resources this sel f-i mage woul d have. It will
need resources to deal wi th the i ntenti on of the ol d behavi our.
Make sure the i mage i s bal anced, bel i evabl e and not closely tied
to any particular si tuati on. Al so be sure that the i mage is
compel l i ng enough that it produces a marked shift to a more
positive state.
No w break state and think of s omet hi ng different.
5. Take the cue picture and make it bri ght and large if those are the
identified critical submodal i ti es. In the corner of this pi cture put
a small, dark picture of the new self-image. Now, take the large bright
i mage of the l i mi tati on and very quickly make it smal l and dark, whi l e
at the same time maki ng the new self-image picture large and bright.
Speed i s of the essence. Make sure the ol d i mage fades as the new
one grows si mul taneousl y. It can hel p if you i magi ne, or actual l y
say a sound that represents this, ' Whoosh! ' or ' Swi sh!' Let the sound
represent the excitement you feel about becomi ng the new self-image.
Cl ear the screen. Repeat this five ti mes fast.
Brai ns work fast. Have you ever had the experi ence of descri bi ng
a process to someone, and feel i ng that she was doi ng it as you
descri bed it? You are right. She was, ( Thi nk of your front door
. . . but not just yet
1
,)
Cl ear the screen briefly after each swi sh by seei ng s omet hi ng
different, A 'reverse swi sh' will just cancel the posi ti ve swi sh. Make
sure it is a one- way ticket. If it does not work after five repeats, do
not keep doi ng somet hi ng that does not work. Be creative. The
critical submodal i t i es may need to be adjusted, or perhaps the
desi red sel f-i mage i s not compel l i ng enough. The process works.
Wh o i n thei r right mi nd woul d keep a probl em behavi our i n t he
face of a set of such al l uri ng, ne w capabilities?
6. Whe n you are satisfied, test the result by future paci ng. Thi nk of
the cue. Doe s i t produce the same response? Next ti me you are i n
the si tuati on look for the new response. NLP t echni ques, like
brai ns, work fast and efficiently. We effectively swi sh ourselves into
all ki nds of troubl e wi t hout ever real i zi ng it. Now we can
consci ousl y use the same process to go somewhere more appeal i ng,
Thes e t echni ques show you can qui ckl y change your di recti on
wi t hout strain or pai n,
S E C O N D OR DE R C H A N G E
Second order change i s whe n there are mul ti pl e out comes and
secondary consi derati ons i nvol ved. All therapy probabl y involves
second order change, as the new resource or response will need to be
support ed by some growth and rebal anci ng i n the rest of the
personality. First order change is where this takes care of itself, or is
slight enough to be i gnored.
Second order change is best used to descri be what is needed where
the secondary out comes are strong enough to block the mai n desi red
out come. Si x step reframi ng is a good t echni que for deal i ng wi th
secondary out comes.
I NT E R NA L C ON F L I C T
If there are different i deas in conflict, negoti ati on skills can be used
bet ween the different parts of our personality. Resol vi ng a probl em
involves achi evi ng a bal ance in the present that is at least as powerful
as the ol d one.
Because bal ance is dynami c and not static, conflicts are bound to
devel op bet ween different parts of our personal i ty that e mbody
different val ues, beliefs and capabi l i ti es. You may want i ncompat i bl e
experi ences. There may be familiar si tuati ons when you are
i nterrupted by anot her part wi t h confl i cti ng demands. Yet if you yi el d
to that, the first part makes you feel bad. The upshot is often that you
enjoy nei ther activity. Whe n you are rel axi ng, anot her part will
conjure up vi vi d vi si ons of all the work you shoul d be doi ng. If you
work, all you want to do is relax. If this sort of conflict is fami l i ar and
spoi l i ng both activities, it is t i me for a truce.
Internal Conflict R e s o l u t i o n
1. Cl earl y identify and separate the parts. The y will seem to be
maki ng confl i cti ng demands . For exampl e, one part may want
freedom and leisure, another the securi ty of a steady i ncome. Or
one may be very careful wi th money, the other very extravagant.
One part may be overly concerned wi th pl easi ng peopl e, whi l e the
other resents the demands they make. Each part will make negati ve
val ue j udgement s about the other. Some parts are bui l t on parental
val ues, and these may coexist uneasi l y wi t h parts you have built
from your own life experi ence. All parts have s omet hi ng valuable
to offer.
2. Get a clear representati on of each part. If there are two parts, one
could go on each hand, or you coul d seat t hem besi de you on chairs.
Get a full visual, ki nestheti c and audi tory representati on of each
part. What do they look like? Ho w do they feel? What do they
sound like? Are there any words or phrases that coul d characteri ze
t hem? Have both parts survey your t i mel i ne, present and future,
to defi ne themsel ves, their personal history and di recti on.
3. Fi nd out the i nt ent i on of each part. Appreci at e they each have a
positive i ntenti on. Step up to as hi gh a level as you need to for the
parts to agree on a shared out come. Both will probabl y agree on
your cont i nued wel l -bei ng, and both must agree to reach an
agreement . Start to negoti ate, just as i f you were deal i ng wi t h real
peopl e. If the parts are seri ousl y at odds, the onl y shared agreement
mi ght be the cont i nued survival of the person.
4. Negot i at e. What resources does each part have that woul d help the
other part to realize its concerns? What trade-offs can be made?
How mi ght they co-operate? What does each part want from the
other for each to be satisfied? It will become cl ear that thei r conflict
i s actual l y preventi ng t hem from real i zi ng thei r i nt ent i ons. Get
each part to agree to give a signal whe n somet hi ng is needed, like
more ti me, permi ssi on, attenti on or appreci ati on.
5. Ask each part if it is wi l l i ng to i ntegrate wi t h the ot her to solve their
shared probl ems. It is not crucial that they do come together. It
may be better for the parts to stay apart ( i n a manner of speaki ng).
But i f t hey are wi l l i ng to i ntegrate, bri ng t hem both i nto your body
physically in a way that feels right for you. If the parts have been
i n your hands, vi sual l y squash t hem, by cl aspi ng your hands
together. The n create a picture, sound and feel i ng of the new,
i ntegrated part and take it i nto yoursel f onl y as fast as feels right.
Al l ow some qui et t i me to appreci ate the change. Thi s new part may
like to review your ti mel i ne, reframi ng past events and experi ences
i n the l i ght of your new knowl edge and understandi ng.
Duri ng this negot i at i on other parts may surface. The deeper the
conflict, the more likely that this will happen. All may need to j oi n
the negoti ati on. Vi rgi ni a Satir used to arrange 'Parts Parties'
where different peopl e woul d enact the different parts of the cl i ent,
who woul d direct the unfol di ng drama.
Parts negot i at i on is a powerful means of resol vi ng conflicts on
a deep level. You can never bani sh conflict. Wi t hi n l i mi ts, it is a
heal thy and necessary prel i mi nary to rebal anci ng. The ri chness
and wonder of bei ng human comes from diversity, and mat uri t y
and happi ness from bal ance and co-operati on bet ween the different
aspects of yourself.
CHAPTER
9
L E A R N I N G AS MOD E L L I N G
As huma n bei ngs, we are all natural l y gifted l earners. For many of
us, this process slows down as we grow older. For some, l earni ng
cont i nues unabat ed for a lifetime. Whe n we are growi ng up, we teach
ourselves to walk and talk by bei ng wi th peopl e who do these thi ngs.
On a dai l y basi s, we take acti ons ( our fi rst tentati ve steps), noti ce our
results (falling over repeatedl y), and change our acti ons accordi ngl y
( l eani ng on chai rs and peopl e). In essence, this i s l earni ng by
model l i ng. As we grow older, we t end to reinterpret this natural
l earni ng process as a series of ti ny ' successes' and 'failures'. Wi t h
rei nforcement from parents and peers, we begi n to l ong for the
' successes' and fear the 'failures'. It seems that this fear of ' doi ng it
wrong' , more than anyt hi ng else, i s how we learn to inhibit our natural
l earni ng processes. Mark Twain once said that if peopl e l earned to
walk and talk the way they were taught to read and write, everyone
woul d l i mp and stutter.
So what are some of the differences bet ween the way we l earn
natural l y and the ways that do not work so well? It may be useful at
thi s poi nt to compare this natural l earni ng process wi th John and
Ri chard' s fi rst expl orati on of model l i ng.
H O W NL P MOD E L L I N G B E G A N
Whe n John and Ri chard met and became friends at the Uni versi t y
of Cal i forni a, Sant a Cruz, i n 1972, John was an Assi stant Professor
of Li ngui sti cs and Ri chard was i n his fi nal year at the col l ege. Ri chard
had a strong interest in Gestal t therapy. He had done a study and
made some vi deo tapes of Fritz Perls at work for hi s friend Bob Spitzer,
who owned the publ i shers, Sci ence and Behavi our Books. Thes e tapes
later went to make up a book cal l ed Eyewitness Tb Therapy.
Bob Spi tzer owned property near Santa Cruz, and used to let i t out
to hi s friends. Gregory Bat eson was l i vi ng there at the t i me, and
Ri chard moved i nto a house on the same property, a st one' s throw
from Bateson. Ri chard started l eadi ng weekl y Gestalt encount er
groups, chargi ng parti ci pants $5. 00 a night. He re-establ i shed contact
wi th John Gri nder and got hi m i nterested enough i n Gestalt t o come
to these groups.
Whe n John came, he was i ntri gued. Ri chard knew he coul d
successfully run Gestal t groups, but he wanted to know exactly how
he di d it, and whi ch patterns were effective. There is a bi g difference
bet ween havi ng a skill and knowi ng expl i ci tl y how you succeed with
it. John and Ri chard made a deal , Ri chard woul d show John how he
di d Gestalt therapy, and John woul d teach Ri chard what i t was that
he was doi ng. So J o hn woul d go t o the Monday ni ght group and model
Ri chard, Ri chard woul d i ndi cate what he bel i eved were the i mportant
patterns by poi nt i ng wi th hi s eyes and usi ng different voi ce
i ntonati ons.
John learnt very quickly. It took hi m two mont hs to unpack the
patterns and be abl e to perform like Ri chard. He used to do what they
called a 'repeat mi racl e' group on Thursday night. Peopl e got the
same mi racl es i n their lives on Thurs day ni ght from John that others
had al ready had on Monday ni ght from Ri chard.
Ri chard then got a j ob observi ng and vi deot api ng a mont h- l ong
trai ni ng programme that Vi rgi ni a Satir was hol di ng i n Canada for
fami l y therapists. Ri chard had met Vi rgi ni a before and they were
already on friendly terms. Throughout the programme, he was
i sol ated in his own little recordi ng room except for the mi crophones
to the semi nar room. He had a split earphone and woul d moni t or
recordi ng levels through one ear and play tapes of Pi nk Floyd through
the other. In the last week Vi rgi ni a had set up a counsel l i ng si tuati on
and asked how the parti ci pants woul d deal with it, usi ng the materi a!
that she had been t eachi ng t hem. The parti ci pants seemed stuck.
Ri chard came st ormi ng down from hi s room and successfully dealt
wi th the probl em. And Vi rgi ni a said, ' That ' s exactly right.' Ri chard
found hi msel f i n the strange si tuati on of knowi ng more about
Vi rgi ni a' s therapeuti c patterns t ban anyone else, wi thout consci ousl y
t ryi ng to learn them at all. J o hn model l ed s ome of Vi rgi ni a Sati r' s
patterns from Ri chard and made t hem explicit. Thei r efficiency was
i mprovi ng. Thi s ti me they di d i t i n three weeks, i nstead of two mont hs.
Now they had a doubl e descri pti on of effective therapy; two
compl ement ary and cont rast i ng model s; Vi rgi ni a Satir and Fritz
Perls. The fact that they were total l y different characters and woul d
not have been able to coexist ami cabl y i n the same room made t hem
especi al l y val uabl e exampl es. The therapeuti c patterns they had i n
c o mmo n were much clearer because their personal styles were so
different.
The y cont i nued and model l ed Mi l t on Erickson next, addi ng a rich
col l ecti on of hypnoti c patterns. The process of model l i ng out the skills
of out st andi ng performers in busi ness, educat i on, heal th care, etc. , is
unusual l y producti ve and has grown rapi dl y i n range and
sophi sti cati on since the early days.
MOD E L L I N G
So model l i ng i s at the heart of NLP. NLP i s the study of excel l ence,
and model l i ng is the process that makes explicit the behavioural patterns
of excel l ence. What are the behavi oural patterns of successful peopl e?
Ho w do they achi eve their results? What do they do that i s different
from peopl e who are not successful? What i s the difference that makes
the difference? The answers to these questi ons have generated all the
skills, t echni ques and presupposi ti ons associ ated with NLP,
Model l i ng can be si mpl y defi ned as the process of repl i cati ng
human excel l ence. Expl anat i ons of why some peopl e excel more than
others usual l y cite i nborn talent. NLP by-passes this expl anat i on by
expl ori ng how we can excel as qui ckl y as possi bl e. By usi ng our mi nd
and body in the same way as a peak performer, we can i mmedi at el y
i ncrease the qual i ty of our acti ons and our results. NLP model s what
i s possi bl e, because real human bei ngs have actual l y done it.
There are three phases i n the full model l i ng process. The first phase
involves bei ng wi th your model whi l e he i s doi ng the behavi our that
you are i nterested in. Duri ng this fi rst phase, you i magi ne yoursel f i n
hi s reality, usi ng second posi ti on skills, and do what he does unti l you
can create roughl y the same results. You focus on what he does
( behavi our and physi ol ogy), how he does it (internal thi nki ng
strategies) and why he does it (the support i ng beliefs and assumpt i ons) .
The what you can get from direct observati on. The how and why you
expl ore by aski ng questi ons.
In the s econd phase you systemati cal l y take out el ement s of the
model ' s behavi our to see what makes a difference. If you leave
s omet hi ng out, and it makes little difference, t hen it is not necessary.
182 Introducing Nturo-Lmguistic Programming
If you leave s omet hi ng out and it does make a difference to the results
you get, then it is an essenti al part of the model . You refine the model
and begi n to understand i t consci ousl y duri ng this phase. Thi s i s the
exact opposi te of traditional l earni ng patterns. Traditional l earni ng
says add pi eces a bit at a ti me, until you have them all. However, this
way you cannot easi l y know what is essential. Model l i ng, whi ch is the
basis of accel erated l earni ng, gets all the el ement s, and then subtracts
to fi nd what i s needed.
The third and final phase is desi gni ng a way to teach the skill to
others. A good teacher will be abl e to create an envi ronment , so her
students learn for themsel ves how to get the results.
Model s are desi gned to be si mpl e and testable. You do not need to
know why they work, just as you do not need to understand why or
how cars work to drive one. If you are lost in the maze of human
behavi our, you need a ma p to find your way around, not a
psychol ogi cal anal ysi s of why you want to fi nd your way out of the
labyrinth in the first pl ace.
Model l i ng i n any fi el d gives results and t echni ques, and al so further
tools for model l i ng. NLP i s generati ve because its results can be
appl i ed to make it even more effective. NLP is a ' bootstrap
programme' for personal devel opment . You can model your own
creative and resourceful states and so be abl e to ent er t hem at will.
And with more resources and creati vi ty at your di sposal you can
become yet more resourceful and creative . , .
If you model successfully, you will get the same results as your
model , and you do not have to model excel l ence. To find out how a
person is creative, or how he manages to become depressed, you ask
the same key questi ons. 'If I had to stand in for you for a day, what
woul d I have to do to think and behave like you?
Each person bri ngs hi s own uni que resources and personal i ty to
what he does. You cannot become another Ei nst ei n, Beet hoven, or
Edi son. To achi eve and think exactly like t hem you woul d need thei r
uni que physi ol ogy and personal history. NLP does not cl ai m anyone
can be an Ei nstei n, however i t does say that anyone can thi nk like an
Ei nstei n, and apply those ways of thi nki ng, shoul d he choose, in hi s
life; in doi ng this, he will come closer to the full flower of hi s own
personal geni us, and his own uni que expressi on of excel l ence.
In summary, you can model any human behavi our i f you can mast er
the beliefs, the physi ol ogy and the specific t hought processes, that is,
the strategi es, that lie behi nd it. Before goi ng on to expl ore these i n
more detail, i t i s worth rememberi ng that we are onl y t ouchi ng the
Introducing Neuro-Linguistic Programming 183
surface of a domai n as vast as our own future potenti al .
BELI EFS
The beliefs that we each have about oursel ves, others and the way the
world is have a major i mpact on the qual i ty of our experi ence. Because
of the 'self-fulfilling prophecy effect', beliefs i nfl uence behavi our.
The y can support particular behavi our or inhibit it. Thi s i s why
model l i ng beliefs is so i mportant.
One of the si mpl est ways to model the beliefs of peopl e wi th
out st andi ng abilities is to ask t hem questi ons about why they do what
they do. The answers they give you will be rich wi th i nsi ghts into their
beliefs and values. There is a story of a child in Rome who spent hours
watchi ng a strange young man worki ng intently. Finally, the boy
spoke. ' Si gnore, why are you hi tti ng that rock?' Mi chel angel o l ooked
up from his work and answered, ' Because there' s an angel inside and
it wants to come out.'
Beliefs will general l y take one of three mai n forms. The y can be
beliefs about what thi ngs mean. For exampl e, if you bel i eve that life
is basi cal l y a compet i t i ve struggle and then you die, you are likely to
have a very different experi ence of life than if you bel i eve that it is
a kind of spiritual school with many rich and fulfilling l essons on offer.
Beliefs can also be about what causes what ( cause and effect) and
so give rise to the rules we choose to live by. Or agai n they can be
beliefs about what i s i mportant and what matters most, so gi vi ng rise
to our val ues and criteria.
In model l i ng out beliefs, you want to focus on those that are most
relevant to and supporti ve of the particular skills and compet enci es
that you are interested in. Some good quest i ons to elicit beliefs and
met aphors are:
1. Why do you do what you do?
2. What does that me an to you?
3. What woul d happen i f you di dn' t do that?
4. What is that like? What do you compare it to?
5. What i s empoweri ng to you about this?
Once you have elicited the beliefs of your model , you can begi n to
experi ment wi th t hem for yourself. Whe n you go beyond si mpl e
underst andi ng and actual l y 'try on a bel i ef to ' see how it fits', the
difference can be profound. You do this by si mpl y act i ng for a t i me
as i f the belief were true and not i ci ng what changes whe n you do. One
of Ei nst ei n' s core beliefs was that the uni verse is a fri endl y place.
Imagi ne how different the worl d mi ght s eem i f you were to act as i f
that were true.
What new acti ons woul d you take if you believed that?
What woul d you do differently?
What el se woul d you be capabl e of?
If you realize that the onl y t hi ng bet ween you and what you want i s
a belief, you can begi n to adopt a new one by si mpl y act i ng as if it
were true.
PHYSIOLOGY
I magi ne for a mome nt that you are l ooki ng at a very smal l baby. As
the baby looks up at you, eyes open wi de, you flash it an enormous
smi l e. The baby coos i n del i ght and smi l es ri ght back at you. By
mat chi ng your physiology, i n this i nstance your smi l e, the baby
experi ences a bit of your del i ght in wat chi ng it. Thi s is a phe nome non
known as entrainment - where babi es unconsci ousl y begi n to mi mi c
exactly the expressi ons, patterns and movement s of the peopl e around
t hem. As adul ts, taki ng on the expressi ons, tonal i ti es and movement s
of the peopl e around us can enabl e us to replicate their i nner state,
whi ch will allow us access to previ ousl y unt apped emot i onal resources.
Take a mome nt now to think of s omeone you admi re or respect.
I magi ne how he woul d be sitting i f he were readi ng this book. How
woul d he be breathi ng? What ki nd of expressi on woul d he have on
hi s face? Now actual l y shift your body until you are si tti ng and
breat hi ng i n the same way wi th the same expressi on. Not i ce the new
thoughts and feelings that arise as you do this.
Wi t h some skills, repl i cati ng physi ol ogy may be the most i mportant
part. To model an excel l ent skier, for exampl e, you woul d watch hi m
ski until you begin to move your body in the same way. Thi s will give
you an experi ence of what i t i s like to do what he does, and you may
even have some i ntui ti ons about what it is like to be that person, or
at least to be i nsi de that body. By preci sel y mi rrori ng the patterns of
movement , posture and even breathi ng, you will begi n to feel the same
way as hi m on the inside. You will have gai ned access to resources that
may have taken hi m years to discover.
S TRATE GI E S
Thi nki ng strategies are perhaps the least obvi ous component of
model l i ng. For that we reason, we will look at strategies in depth
before movi ng on to look at other aspects of model l i ng.
Strategi es are how you organi ze your thoughts and behavi our to
accompl i sh a task. Strategies always ai m for a posi ti ve goal. They can
be swi tched on or off by beliefs; to succeed in a task, you need to
bel i eve you can do it, otherwi se you will not commi t yourself fully.
You must also believe you deserve to do it, and be prepared to put
in the necessary practi ce or preparati on. Al so, you must bel i eve it is
worth doi ng. The task must engage your interest or curiosity.
The strategies we use are part of our perceptual fi l ters, they
det ermi ne how we perceive the worl d. There is a little game that
el oquent l y makes this point. Read the fol l owi ng sentence and count
how many ti mes you see the letter ' F\
FI NI S HED FI LES A R E T HE RE-
SULT OF YEARS OF S CI ENTI F-
I C STUDY C OMB I NE D WI T H THE
E X P E RI E NCE OF MANY YEARS.
Easy? The i nteresti ng t hi ng i s that different peopl e see different
numbers of ' F' s and they are all sure they are right. And so they are,
each i n their own reality. Mos t peopl e get three ' F' s on their fi rst pass,
but a few see more. Remember, if what you are doi ng is not worki ng,
do s omet hi ng different. In fact do s omet hi ng very different. Go
t hrough the sentence backwards letter by letter. How many ' F' s were
you consci ous of at fi rst and how many were you unconsci ous of?
The reason you mi ssed some of t hem was probabl y because you said
the words to yourself and were rel yi ng on the sound of the ' F' s to alert
you t o their presence. ' F' sounds like ' V i n the word 'of. As soon
as you look at every word backwards so that the letters do not link
together to make a familiar word, the ' F' s are easi l y seen. We asked
how many ti mes you see the letter 'F', not how many ti mes you hear
it. The worl d seems different whe n you change strategies.
A RE CI P E F OR S UCCE S S
To understand strategies thi nk of a master chef. If you use his recipe,
you will probabl y be able to cook as well as he does, or very close.
A strategy is a successful recipe. To make a wonderful l y tasty di sh,
you need to know three basi c t hi ngs. You need to know what the
i ngredi ents are. You need to know how much of each i ngredi ent to
use, and the qual i ty of each i ngredi ent. And you need to know the
correct order of steps. It makes a bi g difference to the cake whether
you add the eggs before, duri ng, or after you put i t i n the oven to bake.
The order in whi ch you do thi ngs in a strategy is just as crucial, even
if it all happens in a coupl e of seconds. The i ngredi ents of a strategy
are the representati onal systems, and the amount s and qual i ty are the
submodal i ti es.
To model a strategy you need:
1. The i ngredi ents (representati onal systems).
2. The amount s and qual i ty of each (submodal i ti es).
3. The sequence of the steps.
Suppose you have a friend who is very skilled in some field. It coul d
be i nteri or desi gn, buyi ng cl othes, t eachi ng mat hs, getti ng up i n the
morni ng, or bei ng the life and soul of the party. Have your friend
either do that behavi our, or thi nk back to a specific ti me when he was
doi ng it. Make sure you have rapport and he is in an associ ated
congruent state.
Ask, ' What was the very first t hi ng you di d, or t hought , i n this
si tuati on?' It will be s omet hi ng t hey saw ( V) , heard ( A) or felt ( K) .
Whe n you have this, ask, ' What was the very next t hi ng that
happened?' Cont i nue until you have gone all the way t hrough the
experi ence.
Your quest i ons and observati ons, perhaps usi ng the Met a Model ,
will find out what representati on systems the person is usi ng and in
what order. The n ask about t he submodal i t i es of all the VAK
representati ons you di scovered. You will fi nd accessi ng cues and
predi cates very helpful in di rect i ng your questi ons. For exampl e, if you
ask, ' What comes next ?' and the person says, ' I don' t know,' and l ooks
up, you mi ght ask i f they are s eei ng any mental picture as the next
step for them coul d be visual i nternal . If you ask and the person
replies, T don' t know, it just seems clear to me,' you agai n woul d ask
about i nternal pictures.
In the strategy the senses may be turned towards the out si de worl d,
or be used internally. If they are bei ng used internally, you will be able
to di scover i f they are bei ng used to remember or construct by
watchi ng the eye accessi ng cues.
Introducing Nmro-Linguutic Programming 187
For exampl e, s omeone may have a moti vati on strategy that starts
by l ooki ng at the work he has to do (visual external ) ( V
e
) . He then
constructs an internal picture of the work fi ni shed (vi sual internal
constructed) ( V'
c
) , gets a good feel i ng (ki nestheti c i nternal ) ( K
1
) and
tells hi msel f he had better get started (audi tory di al ogue) ( A' ) . If you
wanted to mot i vat e this person you woul d say somet hi ng like, ' Look
at this work, think how good you' l l feel whe n it's finished, here, (hear,
phonol ogi cal ambi gui t y) , you' d better get started.'
Total strategy V
e
> V '
c
> K
;
> A
i d
You woul d need a qui te different approach for s omeone who l ooks at
the work ( V
e
) , and asks hi msel f {A
1
^) , ' What woul d happen i f I di d
not compl ete this:" He constructs possi bl e consequences ( V
2
C
) , and
feels bad ( K
1
) . He does not want this feeling and those consequences,
so he starts. The fi rst person i s goi ng for the good feeling. The second
person is avoi di ng the bad feeling. You coul d moti vate the first person
by gi vi ng hi m t empt i ng futures and the second by threateni ng
reprisals.
Teachers, managers, trainers all need to moti vate peopl e, so
knowi ng these strategies is very useful. Everyone has a buyi ng
strategy, and good sal espeopl e will not give everybody the same set
talk. Some peopl e need to see a product, talk it over wi th themsel ves
unti l they get the feel i ng they want it. Others may need to hear about
it, feel it is a good i dea and see themsel ves usi ng it before buyi ng. Good
sal esmen change their approach accordi ngl y if they really want to
satisfy their customers.
It is essenti al for teachers to understand and respond to different
chi l dren' s l earni ng strategies. Some chi l dren may need to listen to the
teacher and then make internal pi ctures to understand a idea. Others
may need some vi sual representati on first. A picture may be worth
a t housand words, but a lot depends on who is l ooki ng at it. Some
students woul d rather have a t housand words any day. A teacher who
insists that there is onl y one right way of l earni ng is liable to be
i nsi sti ng that everyone ought to use hi s strategy. Thi s makes i t hard
for many of hi s students who do not share it.
Insomni acs coul d learn a strategy for goi ng to sleep. The y coul d
start by at t endi ng to the rel axed bodi l y sensat i ons ( K
1
) whi l e telling
themsel ves i n a slow, drowsy voi ce ( A
l d
) how comfortabl e they are.
Thei r exi sti ng strategy may involve payi ng at t ent i on to all the
uncomf ort abl e sensati ons in their body, whi l e l i steni ng to a l oud,
anxi ous i nternal voi ce tel l i ng t hem how difficult it is to go to sl eep.
Add s ome fast movi ng, bright and colourful pi ctures and they have
an excel l ent strategy for stayi ng awake, qui te the opposi te of what they
want.
Strategi es create results. Are t hey the results you want? Do you
arrive where you want to go? Any strategy, like a train, works perfectly
well, but if you get on the wrong one . . . you will go somewhere you
do not want to go. Don' t bl ame the train.
MUS I C S TRATE GY
A good exampl e of s ome of these ideas comes from a study carried
out by one of the authors on the way tal ented musi ci ans memori ze
musi c; how they are able to retain sequences of musi c after onl y one
or two heari ngs. The st udent s were asked to clap or si ng back short
pi eces of musi c, and their strategy was elicited by aski ng questi ons,
wat chi ng accessi ng cues and not i ci ng predi cates.
The most successful st udent s shared several patterns. The y
consi stentl y adopted a parti cul ar posture, eye posi ti on and breat hi ng
pattern, usual l y wi th the head tilted to one side and the eyes l ooki ng
downwards whi l e l i steni ng. The y t uned their bodi es to the musi c.
As t hey l i stened, ( A
e
) , they got an overall feeling for the musi c ( K
1
) .
Thi s was often descri bed as the ' mood' or ' i mpri nt ' of the piece. Thi s
feeling represented the pi ece as a whol e, and their rel ati onshi p to it.
The next step was to form some vi sual representati on of the musi c.
Most students vi sual i zed some sort of graph wi th the vertical axis
representi ng the rise and fall of pi tch, and the hori zontal axi s used
to represent durati on i n ti me ( V^ ) .
The l onger or more difficult the pi ece, the more the students relied
on this i mage to gui de t hem t hrough. The i mage was always bright,
clear, focused, and at a comfortabl e di stance to read. Some students
vi sual i zed a stave wi th the exact not e val ues just like a score, but this
was not essenti al .
The feeling, sound and pi cture were built up together on the first
listening. The feel i ng gave an overall context for the detai l ed i mage.
Subsequent heari ngs were used to fix parts of the tune that were stilt
uncertai n. The harder the tune, the more i mportant these feel i ng and
vi sual memori es were. The students reheard the t une mental l y
i mmedi at el y after it had finished, in its ori gi nal tonality, and usual l y
at a much faster speed, rather like the fast forward mode on a vi deo
recorder { A'
c
) .
All students reheard the tune, usual l y i n its original tonality {A
r
) ,
whi l e si ngi ng or cl appi ng i t back. The y also revi ewed the picture, and
kept the overall feel i ng i n mi nd. Thi s gave them three ways of stori ng
and retri evi ng the pi ece. The y broke the mus i c down i nto smal l er
secti ons, and noti ced repetitive patterns i n bot h pitch and rhythm.
Thes e were remembered visually, even after one heari ng.
Re me mbe r i ng musi c seems to involve a strong audi tory memory,
but this st udy showed it is a synesthesi a. It is heari ng the pi cture of
the feel i ng of the tune. They heard the tune, created a feel i ng to
represent the pi ece as a whol e, and used what they heard and felt to
form a pi cture of the musi c.
The basic strategy i s A
e
> K
1
> > A
1
. Thi s strategy illustrates
some general poi nts about effective memori zat i on and l earni ng. The
more representati ons you have of the materi al the more you are likely
to remember it. The more of your neurol ogy you commi t , the stronger
the memory. The best students also had the abi l i ty to move bet ween
representati onal systems, somet i mes concent rat i ng on the feeling,
somet i mes on the pi cture, dependi ng on the sort of musi c they heard.
Al l the students bel i eved i n their ability. Success coul d be s umme d up
as commi t ment , belief and flexibility.
Before l eavi ng musi c strategies, here is a fasci nati ng extract from
a letter by Wol fgang Amade us Mozart about how he composed;
All this fi res my soul, and provi ded I am not di sturbed, my subject
enl arges itself, becomes met hodi sed and defi ned, and the whol e,
t hough i t be l ong, stands al most compl et e and fi ni shed i n my mi nd,
so that I can survey it like a fine pi cture or a beautiful statue at
a gl ance. Nor do I hear in my i magi nat i on the parts successively,
but I hear them as it were, all at once. What a del i ght this is I cannot
tell!
From a letter Mozart wrote in 1789, quoted in E. Holmes,
The Life of Mozart, Including his Correspondence,
Chapman and Hall, 1878.
ME MOR Y S TRATE GY
Do you have a good memory? Thi s i s a trick questi on because me mor y
is a nomi nal i zat i on, you cannot see, hear or touch it. The process of
rememberi ng i s the i mportant thi ng. Nomi nal i zat i ons are acti ons that
are frozen in ti me. Me mor y is static, you cannot i nfl uence it. Better
to look at how you memori ze, and how you can i mprove.
What i s your me mor y strategy? How woul d you memori ze the
following sequence? ( And pretend for a mome nt it is very i mport ant
to retain it.)
DJW18EDL42I S
You have THI RTY SECONDS STARTI NG NOW . . .
Time's up.
Cover the page, take a deep breath and write down the sequence.
How di d you do? And more i mportantl y, whatever your success,
what di d you do?
Twelve digits i s beyond the capaci t y of the consci ous mi nd to retain
as separate units. You need a strategy to chunk t hem together in a
smal l er number of bl ocks to remember t hem all.
You may have repeated the sequence over and over agai n to form
a tape l oop ( A
1
) . Tape l oops last onl y a very short ti me. You may have
recited it rhythmically. You may have wri tten it out ( K
e
) . You may
have l ooked at it carefully and s een it agai n i nternal l y ( V'
c
) , as you
l ooked up to your left. Perhaps you used col our or anot her
submodal i t y to hel p you remember your internal picture.
Pi ctures are retai ned i n l ong- t erm memory, tape l oops i n short-term
memory. If you use this little test on s omeone you know, you will
probabl y be able to tell what strategy they are usi ng wi thout aski ng.
You mi ght see their lips move soundl essl y, or see their eyes scanni ng
it over and over. Perhaps they smi l e as they make some amus i ng
connect i on.
One t hi ng that i s very helpful, i s to give this random sequence some
meani ng. For exampl e i t mi ght translate i nto Don Juan (l i vi ng i n Wl )
8ed ( hat ed) L (hell) for (4) 21 Seconds, Spendi ng your hal f mi nut e
gi vi ng it some meani ng is a good way of memori zi ng. Good because it
accords wi th how the brain works naturally. If you made a mental
pi cture of Do n Juan i n Hel l etc. you will probabl y be unabl e to forget
the sequence until the end of this chapter, however much you try in vai n.
Robert Di l t s tells a story about a woman descri bi ng her strategy in
a demonst rat i on workshop. The sequence was: A2470558SB. She was
a Cordon Bl eu cook. First, she sai d, it started with the first letter of
the al phabet. Next came 24: the age she qualified as a chef. Next was
705. That meant that she was fi ve mi nut es late for breakfast. The 58
was difficult to remember so she saw it in a different col our in her
mi nd. S was on its own so she made it big: S. And the last letter was
B the second of the al phabet, l i nki ng wi th A at the begi nni ng.
Now . . . cover the book and write out that sequence of letters and
numbers. Don' t forget the one that was bi gger than the others . . .
You probabl y di d well. And you di d not even try. If you can
remember that wi t hout tryi ng what coul d you do i f you tried?
A lot worse. Tryi ng uses ment al energy and the word itself
presupposes a difficult task and probabl e failure. The harder you try,
the more difficult it becomes. The very effort you use becomes a
barrier. A good efficient strategy will make l earni ng easy and
effortless. An inefficient strategy makes i t hard.
Learni ng to learn is the most i mportant skill in educat i on, and
needs t o be taught from recepti on class onwards. The educat i onal
syst em concentrates mostl y on what i s taught, the curri cul um, and
omi t s the l earni ng process. Thi s has two consequences. First, many
students have difficulty pi cki ng up the i nformati on. Secondl y, even if
t hey do l earn it, it has little me ani ng for t hem, because it has been
taken out of context.
Wi t hout a l earni ng strategy, st udent s may become i nf ormat i on
parrots, forever dependent on others for i nformati on. They are
i nf ormat i on enabl ed, but l earni ng di sabl ed. Learni ng involves
memory and underst andi ng: fi tti ng i nformati on i nto context to give
i t meani ng. Focus on failure and its consequences further distract
St ude nt s . Everyone needs permi ssi on t o fail. Good learners do make
mi stakes, and use these as feedback to change what they are doi ng.
They keep their goal i n mi nd and stay resourceful.
Marks and grades have no effect on the strategy a student uses.
The y are merel y a j udgement on the performance, and serve onl y to
separate students out i nto a hi erarchy of meri t. St udent s may try
harder wi th the same ineffective strategy. If learners were all taught
a range of good strategies, then large differences bet ween t hem in
performance woul d di sappear. Teachi ng efficient strategies woul d
i mprove the results of all the students. Wi t hout this, educat i on
functi ons as a way of orderi ng peopl e i nto hi erarchi es. It keeps the
status quo, labels the sheep and the goats, and sorts one from the other.
Inequal i ty is reinforced.
Teachi ng involves gai ni ng rapport, and paci ng and l eadi ng the
st udent i nto the best strategies or ways of usi ng the body and
mi nd to make sense of the i nf ormat i on. If students fail and con-
t i nue to fail, t hey are likely to general i ze from performance, to
capability, to bel i ef and thi nk that they cannot do the task. Thi s
then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Many school subjects are anchored to boredom and unhappi ness,
and so l earni ng becomes difficult. Why i s educat i on often so painful
and t i me- consumi ng? Mos t of the cont ent of a chi l d' s full-time
educat i on coul d be l earned in less than hal f their ti me at school if the
chi l dren were mot i vat ed and gi ven good l earni ng strategi es.
All our thi nki ng processes involve strategies, and we are usually
unconsci ous of the strategies we use. Many peopl e use onl y a handful
of strategies for all their thi nki ng.
S P E L L I NG S TRATE GY
Spel l i ng i s an i mportant skill, and one many peopl e fi nd difficult. You
get credit for creative wri ti ng, but not for creative spelling, Robert
Di l ts teaches the process that good spellers use and has organi zed it
into a si mpl e, effective strategy.
Good spellers nearly always go through the same strategy, and you
may like to check this i f you do spell well or you know s omeone who
does. Good spellers look up or straight ahead as they spell; they
vi sual i ze the word as they spell it, and then look down to check wi th
their feel i ng that they are correct.
Peopl e who spell poorl y usual l y try to do i t from the sound. Thi s
is not so effective. Spel l i ng involves wri t i ng down the word,
representi ng it vi sual l y on paper. The obvi ous step is first to represent
i t vi sual l y i nternal l y Engl i sh words do not follow si mpl e rules where
the sound corresponds to the spel l i ng. In the extreme case ' Ghot i '
coul d be a phonet i c spel l i ng of ' f i sh' - 'gh' as in cough; 'o' as in women
and 'ti' as in condi ti on. A phonet i c spel l i ng system cannot even spell
its own title correctly.
Good spellers will report seei ng a mental i mage of the word wi th
a feeling of familiarity. They just feel that it looks right. Copy edi tors
who have to be expert spellers just have to look down a page and they
report that wrong spel l i ngs seem to j ump out at t hem.
If you want to be an expert speller, or if you are already, and are
interested in checki ng what you do, here are the steps of the strategy.
1. Thi nk of s omet hi ng that feels familiar and pl easant. Whe n you
have that feeling, look at the word you want to spell for a few
seconds. It may hel p to actual l y place the word up and to your left
in the visual accessi ng area.
2. Next , look away and move your eyes up and to your left and
remember what you can of the correct spel l i ng. Not i ce t he gaps (i f
any) and look back at the word, revi ew the letters whi ch fit in the
gaps and repeat the process until you can pi cture the word i n its
entirety.
3. Look up at your mental i mage and then write down what you see.
Check that it is correct, if not, go back to St ep 1, take another look
and get the i mage clear i n your mi nd.
4. Look up at your ment al i mage and spell the word backwards. Thi s
will really make sure the i mage i s clear. No phoneti c speller can
possibly spell a word backwards.
There are some helpful ideas you can use wi th this basi c strategy.
a) Us e the submodal i t i es that make your i mages the clearest and most
memorabl e. Thi nk of some scene that i s really memorabl e. Where
i n your mi nd do you see it? What are the submodal i t i es? Put the
word you want to spell in the same place and gi ve it the same
submodal i ti es.
b) It may hel p to pi cture the word in your favourite colour,
c) It may al so hel p to put it on a familiar background.
d) Make parts that you fi nd difficult stand out by submodal i t y
changes. Make them bigger, closer, or vary the colour.
e) If the word is a l ong one, break it down i nto chunks of three or
four letters. Make the letters small e nough so that you can see the
whol e word easily, and bi g enough to read wi t hout strain. Do not
run out of mental space. You may like to trace the letters in the
air as you see t hem, or if you are strong kinesthetically, trace them
on your arm to bui l d your pi cture wi th added feeling.
Thi s strategy was tested at the Uni versi t y of Monc t on, Ne w
Brunswi ck in Canada. A number of average spellers were split i nt o
four groups. A spel l i ng test was set up usi ng nonsense words the
students had never seen before. The first group ( A) was shown the
words and told to vi sual i ze t hem whi l e l ooki ng up and to the left. The
second group (B) were told to vi sual i ze the words, but not told any
eye posi ti on. The third group (C) were si mpl y told to study the words
i n any way they wi shed. The fourth ( D) were told to vi sual i ze the
words l ooki ng down and to the right.
The test results were i nteresti ng. Group A showed a 20 per cent
i ncrease i n correct spel l i ngs on previ ous test results. Group B showed
a 10 per cent increase. Group C staved roughl y the same as you woul d
expect , they had not changed their strategy. The scores of group D
had actual l y worsened by 15 per cent, because t hey were tryi ng to
vi sual i ze, usi ng an eye accessi ng posi ti on that made i t ext remel y
difficult to do so.
Good spel l i ng is a capability. If you follow this strategy you will be
able to spell any word correctl y Learni ng lists of words by rote may
hel p you to spell those words but it does not make you a good speller.
Learni ng by rote does not bui l d capability.
Thi s spel l i ng strategy has been used with success on chi l dren that
have been labelled as dysl exi c. Of t en these chi l dren si mpl y are more
audi tory or ki nestheti c than other chi l dren. Wun wunders why foenick
spel l i ng met huds arr stil tort in skools.
S TRATE GY F OR CRE ATI VI TY
I prefer to entertai n peopl e in the hope that they l earn, rather than
teach peopl e i n the hope that they are entertai ned.
Wall Disney
Robert Di l ts has created a model of the strategy used by Walt Di sney,
a remarkabl y creative and successful man, whose work cont i nues to
gi ve pl easure to countl ess peopl e all over the world. He woul d have
made a fine busi ness consul tant, because he used a general creative
strategy whi ch can be used for any type of probl em.
Walt Di sney had a wonderful i magi nat i on; he was a very creative
dreamer. Dreami ng i s the fi rst step towards creati ng any out come i n
the worl d. We all dream of what we want, what we mi ght do, how
thi ngs coul d be different, but how can we mani fest those dreams i n
the real world? How to avoid the pie in the sky from turni ng to egg
on the face? And how do you make sure the dreams are well received
by the critics?
He fi rst created a dream or vi si on of the whol e fi l m. He got the
feelings of every character i n the fi l m by i magi ni ng how the story
appeared through their eyes. If the film was a cartoon, he told the
ani mators to draw the characters from the standpoi nt of those feelings.
He t hen l ooked at hi s pl an realistically. He bal anced money, t i me,
resources, and gathered all the necessary i nformati on to make sure
that the fi l m coul d be successful l y made: that the dream coul d become
reality.
Whe n he had created the dream of the fi l m, he took anot her look
at it from the poi nt of vi ew of a critical me mbe r of the audi ence. He
asked himself, ' Was it interesting? Was it entertai ni ng? Was there any
dead wood, regardl ess of his at t achment to it?'
Di s ney used three different processes: the Dreamer, the Realist and
the Cri ti c. Thos e who worked wi th hi m recogni zed these three
posi ti ons, but never knew whi ch one Di s ney woul d take at a meet i ng.
He probabl y bal anced the meet i ng, suppl yi ng the one that was not
wel l -represented.
Here i s the strategy you can use formally:
1. Select the probl em you are goi ng to deal wi th, it can be as difficult
as you like. Do not think about it yet. Choos e three pl aces in front
of you that you can step into. One for your Dreamer, one for your
Cri ti c and one for your Realist.
2. Thi nk of a ti me when you were really creative, when your Dreamer
really generated some creati ve choi ces. St ep i nto the Dreamer
posi ti on in front of you and relive that time. You are anchori ng your
resources and strategy as a Dreamer to that actual pl ace.
If you find difficulty accessi ng a creative reference experi ence,
find a met aphor for the probl em that coul d hel p you think
creati vel y Or you coul d model s omeone you know who i s a good
creative dreamer. Go and ask t hem how they get themsel ves i nto
that state before you come back to this process. You may need to
break the probl em up into more manageabl e chunks, Do not think
realistically, that comes later. Do not edi t or eval uate. You coul d
even distract the consci ous mi nd by l i steni ng to a tune, or by doi ng
some physical activity. Whe n you have dreamed as much as you
like, step out agai n to the uni nvol ved posi ti on.
3. Thi nk back to a ti me when you were careful and realistic about
s ome pl an, either your own or s omeone el se' s. Some ti me whe n you
put a pl an i nto acti on in an el egant and effective way. If you have
difficulty, think of a person you can model . Ei ther ask how they
think about put t i ng pl ans i nto acti on, or pretend to be t hem. 'If
I were X, how woul d I put these pl ans i nt o acti on?' Act as i f you
were X.
Whe n you are ready, step into the Realist posi ti on. You are
anchori ng your realist state and resources to that spot. Whe n
you have relived your experi ence, step back to the uni nvol ved
posi ti on.
4. Fi nal l y the eval uati on. The Cri ti c. Re me mbe r a t i me whe n you
criticized a pl an in a constructi ve way, saw the weaknesses as wel l
as t he strengths, and identified the probl ems. It may have been one
of your own projects, or a project of a col l eague. Agai n, if thi s is
difficult, model a good critic you know. Whe n you have a reference
experi ence, step i nto the third pl ace you have identified and relive
the experi ence. Whe n you have finished step out.
What you have done i s to anchor the Dreamer, the Cri ti c and the
Realist i nto three different pl aces. You can use three pl aces in your
workroom, or even three separate rooms. You will probabl y find one
posi ti on i s much easi er for you to access than the others. You mi ght
like to draw some concl usi ons from this about the pl ans you make.
Each of these posi ti ons in fact is a strategy in itself. Thi s creative
strategy is a super-strategy, three separate strategies rolled i nto one.
5. Take the probl em or out come you want to work wi th. Step i nto the
Dreamer l ocati on and let your mi nd be free. The Dreamer does
not have to be realistic. Dreams are usual l y visual and your
Dreamer i s likely to use visual constructed thoughts. The sky i s the
limit. Do not let reality damp your t hought s. Brai nstorm. What
woul d you do i f you coul d not fail? The Dreamer coul d be s ummed
up in the phrase, T wonder if . . .' Whe n you have finished, step
back to the uni nvol ved posi ti on. Despi t e what you were told at
school, daydreami ng can be a useful, creative and enjoyabl e way
to pass the ti me.
6. Step i nto the Realist posi ti on and think about the pl an you have
dreamed about. Organi ze your i deas. How coul d i t be put i nto
practice? What woul d have to change to make i t realistic? Whe n
you are satisfied step i nto the out si de posi ti on agai n. The phrase
for the realist is, ' How can I do this . . .' The Realist in you is liable
to be predomi nant l y ki nestheti c, the ' man or woman of action'.
7. Next , step i nto the Critic posi ti on and check and eval uate the pl an.
Is there anyt hi ng mi ssi ng? If the pl an needs other peopl e' s
co-operati on, what is in it for them? What do you get out of it?
Is it interesting? Where is the payoff? The Cri ti c asks, ' What ' s
mi ssi ng? . . . What ' s in it for me?' The Cri ti c seems to operate
most l y by i nternal di al ogue.
8. Step back i nto the Dreamer and change the pl an creatively to take
i n what you have learnt from the realist and the critic. Cont i nue
to go through the three posi ti ons until t he pl an congruent l y fits
Disney Creative Strategy
each one. You will have a different physi ol ogy and neurol ogy in
each of the posi ti ons, make sure that there is a cont i nui t y of
out come from one to the other.
To make sure the cri ti ci sm is constructi ve rather than destructive,
remember that the Critic is no more realistic than the Dreamer. It
i s just another way of thi nki ng about the possibilities. The Cri ti c must
not criticize the Dreamer or the Real i st. The Cri ti c must criticize the
pl an. Some peopl e criticize t hemsel ves and feel bad, i nstead of usi ng
cri ti ci sm as useful feedback about thei r plans. Somet i mes the Cri ti c
comes i n too soon and picks the dream or the Dreamer apart.
Some peopl e use this strategy naturally. The y have a special place
or room where they think creatively, an anchor for their Dreamer.
There is another place for the practical pl anni ng, and another for the
eval uati on and criticism. Whe n these three ways of thi nki ng are
cl eanl y sorted spatially, each can do what they do best wi t hout
interference. Onl y if the finished i dea works in each place are they
ready to act. At the end of this process you may well have a plan that
is irresistible. Then the quest i on is not 'Shall I do this?' but, T must
do this. What else woul d I do?'
Thi s is a good exampl e of a bal anced strategy. All three pri mary
representati onal systems are involved, so all channel s of i nformati on
are available. The Dreamer usually operates visually, the Real i st
kinestheticaily and the Critic audi tori l y
There needs to be some external step outsi de the strategy i n case
the i nternal processi ng gets into a l oop and goes nowhere. Here you
have an outsi de posi ti on to review the whol e process and call a halt
in real time.
B ACK TO MOD E L L I N G
As we move out of strategies and go on to look at s ome other aspects
of model l i ng, it is worth ment i oni ng in passi ng one poi nt that troubl es
some peopl e.
There is a strange i dea in our cul ture that finding out expl i ci tl y how
you do s omet hi ng will interfere wi th doi ng i t well, as t hough i gnorance
is a prerequi si te to excel l ence. Whi l e you are doi ng a task, your focus
of consci ous attenti on is, of course, on doi ng the task. The car driver
does not consci ousl y think about everythi ng she does as she i s doi ng
it, and the musi ci an does not consci ousl y keep track of every note she
plays. However, bot h coul d expl ai n to you afterwards what it is that
they have just done.
One difference bet ween a compet ent performer and a mast er in any
field is that the mast er can go back and tell you exactl y what it is that
he has just done, and how he di d it. Mast ers have unconsci ous
compet ence and the ability to make that compet ence explicit. Thi s last
skill is referred to as metacognition.
Wi t h met acogni t i on, you have the possi bi l i ty of becomi ng aware of
how you perform a task. Knowi ng how you do s omet hi ng gives you
the ability to pass it on to others. Al so, by i denti fyi ng the difference
bet ween what you are doi ng when thi ngs are goi ng well and what you
are doi ng when they are not, you can i ncrease the likelihood of peak
performance on an ongoi ng basi s.
Expl ori ng the process of model l i ng also raises questi ons of whom
you model . Thi s depends on the out comes you are goi ng for. You need
to fi rst identify the skills, compet enci es or qualities that you are most
i nterested i n acqui ri ng. The n you consi der who woul d serve as your
best rol e-model .
The next questi on i s how you go about model l i ng. There i s a whol e
spect rum of possibilities, whi ch range from the unconsci ous and
informal model l i ng that we all do to the very sophi sti cated research
and model l i ng strategies used by peopl e like Robert Di l ts i n hi s recent
model l i ng project for Fiat on l eadershi p skills for the future. An
informal and si mpl e way to i ncorporate model l i ng skills i n your
devel opment i s to choose rol e- model s from peopl e you admi re and
respect. Al exander the Great model l ed hi msel f on an i mage he had
of the l egendary warrior Achilles, Thomas a Kempi s had perhaps
loftier ambi t i ons when he wrote The Imitation of Christ. In more recent
ti mes, Stravi nsky borrowed heavi l y from Mozart , cl ai mi ng that he had
the right because he so loved Mozart ' s musi c. Ray Charl es model l ed
Nat Ki ng Col e, sayi ng that he ' breathed Col e, ate hi m, drank hi m
and tasted hi m, day and ni ght' until he devel oped his own special
brand of musi ci anshi p.
By ' breathi ng, eat i ng, dri nki ng and tasti ng' your model , whether
in books, tel evi si on or film, you will gai n access to the ki nds of states
and mental resources that your model uses. If you are si tti ng down,
try a little experi ment . Most peopl e sub- vocal i ze when they read, that
is, they say the words aloud in their head as t hey read t hem. Noti ce
what happens if you go back to the begi nni ng of this paragraph right
now and allow the voi ce i n your head to transform i nto the voice of
someone you really admi re. For many peopl e, just changi ng the voi ce
i nsi de thei r head to that of a rol e-model gives t hem access to new and
different resources.
Of t en peopl e get caught up i n the mysti que of model l i ng and think
that i t i s s omet hi ng they cannot do until they have l earned how to do
it 'properly'. But anyone who is curi ous about peopl e cannot not do
it! You do it already.
Whe n I look back over the ten years since I first encount ered NLP,
I realize that most of my useful l earni ng has come from informal
model l i ng.
For exampl e, I was vi si ti ng some friends recentl y and di scovered for
the fi rst ti me that the l ady of the house wri tes romant i c fi cti on. She
had been a little di screet about it, but in a half-hour social
conversati on I di scovered some wri ti ng strategi es that provi ded me
with just what I was l ooki ng for. In brief, she used daydream t i me
creati vel y to generate her materi al and j ot t ed down keyword notes i n
a not ebook she always carries. Thi s remi nds her of the cont ent whe n
she next sits down to write. She loves her creative daydreami ng ti me,
so it has a mot i vat i on strategy bui l t i n. El egant.
At the ot her end of the spect rum from informal model l i ng i s the
ful l -bl own hi gh-qual i ty model l i ng project usual l y done i n the worl d
You can be more sophi sti cated about model l i ng i f you have
i denti fi ed a specific skill that you want to learn. Re me mbe r those three
basi c el ement s of any behavi our: belief, physi ol ogy and strategy. For
exampl e, to wri te this book, I need to bel i eve that I can, and that it
is worth doi ng. I need a set of strategies ( sequences of i mages, sounds
and feelings) with whi ch to generate the cont ent , and I need to feel
comfortabl y rel axed as I sit and let my fingers dance on the keyboard.
If you wanted to enri ch this mi ni mal model , you woul d probabl y
want to see me in acti on, or perhaps I shoul d say 'see me in inaction',
since muc h of the process takes place unconsci ousl y i n the background
as I do other thi ngs. You woul d probabl y want to ask me a lot of
questi ons, s ome key ones bei ng:
Tn what context do you c ommonl y use this skill?'
' What out comes gui de your acti ons i n appl yi ng this skill?'
' What do you use as evi dence to let you know you are achi evi ng these
out comes ?'
' What exactl y do you do t o achi eve these out comes ?'
' What are some specific steps and actions?*
' When you get stuck, what do you do to get yoursel f unstuck?'
Thes e questi ons are TOTE el i ci tati on quest i ons based on the TOTE
model ( Text - Operat e- Text - Exi t ) i n Chapt er 4. The ki nd of model you
are bui l di ng is a system of recursively nested TOTEs or, to put it more
simply, skills wi thi n skills, rather like a set of Chi nese boxes, each
cont ai ned wi thi n another.
Wi t h the answers to these ki nds of quest i ons you can start bui l di ng
a mode! of what I am doi ng wi th my nervous system. To know what
questi ons to ask next, you run this model in your nervous system to
fi nd out what works and what i s mi ssi ng. Thi s i s rather like when
s omeone gives you a set of di recti ons to follow and you try t hem out
in your i magi nat i on to see if t hey make sense.
There are many more skills to model l i ng than can be covered here
or l earned from a book. For exampl e, you need good second posi ti on
skills to penetrate the 'wall of consci ousness' . What is this wall of
consci ousness? At its si mpl est, when tal ented peopl e try to expl ai n or
teach what they do, they discover that many of thei r skills are
compl et el y unconsci ous. It is as if the consci ous scaffolding of the
l earni ng process has been taken away from the finished house, l eavi ng
no trace of how it was constructed.
of busi ness. Thi s involves havi ng a full set of model l i ng skills at your
fingertips. A typical sequence of events mi ght be as follows:
1. Prel i mi nary i ntervi ews wi th the organi zat i on to identify whi ch set
of compet enci es i s most worth model l i ng, who the t op performers
are and how many peopl e to model . Typi cal l y there may be three
top performers who are contrasted wi th three average performers
(control s) to hi ghl i ght the critical differences. Fi nal l y an acti on pl an
is agreed.
2. Spend at least a coupl e of days wi th each rol e-model wat chi ng t hem
i n acti on i n different contexts. Record their acti ons and i ntervi ew
each model to unpack beliefs, strategies, states, met aprograms, etc.
Intervi ew thei r col l eagues to get their descri pti ons. Repeat all of
the above wi th the 'control' rol e-model s. Of t en, the control s are not
told that they are controls, to save embarrassment .
3. Take ti me to map out expl i ci tl y what you think you have got and
what is still mi ssi ng. Thi s stage is often done wi th a co-model l er.
Contrasti ve anal ysi s clarifies the differences that make the
difference bet ween the t op performers and the control s.
4. At this stage you will need to go back to confi rm the patterns
that you thi nk you have found and to expl ore the gaps wi th
more observati on and questi ons. You may need to do this
several ti mes.
5. Wri te up the full report to i ncl ude the original brief, the
met hodol ogy and the explicit model . Thi s model covers the levels
from identity, beliefs, capabi l i ti es through to specific external and
i nternal behavi ours.
6. Desi gn a t rai ni ng programme wi th their trainers to enabl e
others to reproduce these skills. Run the trai ni ng programme
and use the feedback that you get to refine it. Train thei r trainers
to run it. Exi t.
Steps 1 to 5 are likely to take somewhere in the order of 20 days' work,
wi th step 6 taki ng perhaps half as l ong agai n. Thi s ki nd oT back-to-
back model l i ng- t rai ni ng package is very effective in organi zat i ons
where the same work role i s repl i cated many t i mes over, for exampl e,
t eam supervisors or shop managers. Model l i ng wi thout the trai ni ng
i nput i s al so begi nni ng to be used i n this count ry to fi ne t une the
process of effective recrui tment for specific work roles. Large
organi zati ons are begi nni ng to appreci ate the val ue of appl i ed
model l i ng.
202 Ininaucing Neuro-Linguistic Programming
NLP, MOD E L L I N G A N D ACCE L E R AT E D
L E A R N I N G
Thi s has been a brief i ntroducti on to model l i ng, rangi ng from the
informal through to formal busi ness projects. So here we are in the
ni neti es wi th sophi sti cated model l i ng skills that all came from
model l i ng l anguage i n the early days.
Whe n Ri chard asked John to hel p hi m become aware of his Gestalt
patterns, John approached it as he woul d approach l earni ng a new
l anguage. To do a study of a l anguage you di d not speak was absurd.
John had to be abl e to do the patterns before he coul d study t hem.
Thi s i s the direct opposi te of traditional l earni ng, whi ch anal yses the
pi eces first before put t i ng it all together. Accel erated l earni ng is
l earni ng t o do s omet hi ng and onl y later l earni ng how you are doi ng
it. You do not exami ne the l earni ng until it is stable and consi stent
and vol untari l y available to you. Onl y then will i t be stable enough
to stand the scrutiny of the consci ous mi nd.
Thi s is a profoundl y different way to learn than the four stages
outl i ned i n Chapt er One, whi ch began wi th unconsci ous
i ncompet ence, and ended i n unconsci ous compet ence. To start from
i nt ui t i on and then anal yse i s the basi s of model l i ng and accel erated
l earni ng. You can go straight to unconsci ous compet ence i n one stage.
We have come a full circle from Chapt er One.
NLP began from a basi s of i ntui ti on, rather like the way we learn
our native l anguage. Taki ng the whol e study of excel l ence as the
starti ng poi nt, you can anal yse all the way down to submodal i t i es, the
smallest bui l di ng bl ocks of our thoughts.
What goes down must come up agai n. The anal ysi s you have done
ensures that you do not si mpl y step up back to the place you were
before. You emerge at a point of greater understandi ng. Thi s steppi ng
back up in a sense is comi ng back to the roots and knowi ng that place
for the first time. Thi s new poi nt gives the basis for a whol e new set
of i ntui ti ons whi ch can be stepped down agai n, and so the process
conti nues.
You learn on each of these steps by testi ng each di scovery to its
limits. By usi ng each i dea or techni que on every possi bl e probl em, you
soon fi nd out its true val ue, and where its l i mi ts are. Onl y by acti ng
as if it works, do you find out if it does or not, and what its l i mi ts are.
First the Met a Model went t hrough this process. The n repre-
sentati onal systems, then eye accessi ng cues, then submodal i t i es and
so on. Each piece is pushed to its limit and the next pi ece takes its
pl ace. A constant loss of bal ance, followed by a constant rebal anci ng.
The val ue of NLP lies i n the l earni ngs you make i n expl ori ng these
processes. The roots of NLP lie i n the systemati c patterns that
underl i e behavi our. You do whatever it takes to create results, wi thi n
ethical constrai nts, and then refine it to make it as si mpl e as possible,
so di scoveri ng the difference that makes the difference. The purpose
of NLP i s to i ncrease human choi ce and freedom.
USER' S GUI DE
So as you are comi ng to the end of the last chapter of this book, you
may al ready have started to wonder how to get the most from it. Each
of us finds our own way of doi ng this and somet i mes we don' t even
know we are doi ng it. One thi ng you may want to deci de on a
consci ous level, is whether you find this material i nteresti ng and useful
enough to want to pursue it further, by buyi ng books or at t endi ng
trai ni ng courses.
You may find yourself talking over the i deas with l i ke-mi nded
friends as you make sense of your new l earni ngs and underst andi ngs.
You may fi nd yoursel f unexpect edl y becomi ng more aware of some of
the different patterns you have begun expl ori ng, of rapport and subtl e
shifts i n body l anguage, of the dance of eyes as peopl e think, of the
del i cate and profound shifts i n your own emot i onal states and others.
You may fi nd yourself becomi ng i ncreasi ngl y aware of your own
t hought s and thi nki ng processes, not i ci ng whi ch ones serve you and
whi ch are mere ghosts of the past. You pl ay with changi ng the cont ent
of your thoughts and you play wi th changi ng the form of your thoughts
and you wonder at the i mpact as you di scover how to create more
emot i onal choi ce for yourself and others.
Perhaps you have al ready di scovered the extraordi nary effectiveness
of devel opi ng the habi t of setti ng out comes, of t hi nki ng of probl ems
as opport uni t i es to expl ore, to do s omet hi ng different, and to learn
somet hi ng new and exci ti ng.
You mi ght have found yourself havi ng more i nsi ghts and i ntui ti ons
i nto other peopl e' s realities, or bei ng more grounded i n your own. It
i s as t hough your unconsci ous mi nd i s i ntegrati ng your new l earni ngs
in its own ti me and way; a new rel ati onshi p is evol vi ng bet ween your
consci ous mi nd and your unconsci ous wi s dom. As t hough by
redi scoveri ng yourself, you are more aware of what matters to you and
to the peopl e that you are close to.
In l i steni ng to your own i nternal di al ogue you di scover yoursel f
appl yi ng the Me t a Model quest i ons, you become i ncreasi ngl y curi ous
as you di scover more about your own own beliefs, and you cont i nue
changi ng the l i mi ti ng ones to empoweri ng ones that enabl e you to be
more of who you al ways wanted to be.
In be c omi ng i ncreasi ngl y aware of your own i denti ty i t seems as
t hough you have far more choi ce than to be the slave of your past
history. You think differently about your future and this i nfl uences
who you are becomi ng i n the present.
You may find a growi ng ri chness and i nt i macy in your rel ati onshi ps
wi t h your close friends and you may want to spend more ti me wi th
ot her expl orers of the rich worl d of human experi ence.
And as more of us become aware of how we make up our reality,
we can begi n to enjoy maki ng i t up more the way we woul d like i t to
be, so creati ng a better worl d for all.
E P I L OGUE
Thi s book so far has descri bed the mai n ideas of NLP i n a practical
way. NLP di d not devel op by logical steps, and it is not easy to
describe. Tryi ng to descri be NLP in a logical sequence is like tryi ng
to descri be a hol ogram by pul l i ng it apart bit by bit, but each part
of a hol ogram contai ns all of it. Here are some final and more
specul ati ve thoughts on NLP and its place i n our cul ture.
We bel i eve that NLP i s the next generati on of psychology. It has
been called the Ne w Learni ng Paradi gm and the Ne w Language of
Psychol ogy. As a model of the structure of human experi ence, i t may
be as profound a step forward as the i nventi on of l anguage. At the very
least it is a powerful process that will cont i nue to generate ways of
achi evi ng excel l ent results in a wi de range of different fields. Because
it is about subjective experi ence and communi cat i on, it is in a sense
about everyt hi ng and nothi ng. Gregory Bateson descri bed NLP as the
first systemati c approach to l earni ng to learn; it is the first appl i ed
epi stemol ogy.
Learni ng i s no l onger enough, l earni ng to learn i s essential. There
i s so much to learn and so little ti me to l earn it. Not onl y are we
gai ni ng knowl edge and t echnol ogy more quickly, but the rate at whi ch
we gain it is accel erati ng. We are on an evol ut i onary j ourney that is
like a roller-coaster ride - it starts slowly, but the further we go, the
faster it gets. And we have not yet f ound any brake. Unfortunatel y,
mere accumul at i on of knowl edge and techni cal know- how i s not
bri ngi ng wi t h it the wi s dom we need to use it well for the good of the
pl anet, and everyone on it. We are clever, but not yet wise.
Huge changes are taki ng pl ace. Ni net y per cent of all scientific
knowl edge has been accumul at ed over t he l i feti me of the generat i on
b o m at the begi nni ng of this century. The y have seen the sci ence
fiction of their chi l dhood become sci ence fact. Paradoxi cal l y the
i ncrease i n knowl edge makes us feel more i gnorant and i mpot ent . The
more knowl edge there i s, the more i gnorant we become, for the more
we do not know, and the more we have to rely on experts to do the
si mpl est thi ngs.
The sci ence and t echnol ogy that has led to this vast expansi on of
knowl edge and power has had some unfortunate consequences that
we are onl y just becomi ng aware of, they are what makes the roller-
coaster ride so potenti al l y dangerous. Events are movi ng so fast we
can actual l y see our di recti on for the first time. We can actual l y watch
the destructi on of the Brazi l i an rain forests on tel evi si on, and we can
read of global warmi ng i n the newspapers. Scientists can moni t or the
hol es in the ozone layer. Now it is not a quest i on of whether the future
will be different, nor even by how much. It is a questi on of whet her
we have one.
The worl d i s now too dangerous for anythi ng less than Ut opi a.
Buckminsler Fuller
As we look around, how many of us are satisfied with what we see? Each
one of us experi ences the i ncreasi ng pressure for change. And we each
have a part to play if this roller-coaster of unt rammel l ed t echnol ogy and
power i s not to goout of control wi th di sastrous pl anetary consequences.
We have to control it, we cannot j ump off. The questi on i s how?
It is the i ndi vi dual that is the source of creati vi ty that enabl es social
evol uti on to happen; and it is the level of consci ousness of the i ndi vi dual s
in a society that makes up the level of consci ousness of that society.
Soci al change begi ns wi th i ndi vi dual change. We face many social
and ecol ogi cal probl ems. If we are to devel op a society that can deal
effectively wi th t hem, we have to act now. As ti me passes and
knowl edge grows, two questi ons become more and more urgent; What
is worth knowi ng? What is worth doi ng?
We have devastated the out er world wi th the products of sci ence and
technol ogy. The atti tude and worl d vi ew that has gi ven us this sci ence
and t echnol ogy i s deepl y ent renched i n our cul ture, and has had
profound effects on our i nner world.
Sci ence has grown up through a series of control l ed and repeatabl e
experi ment s on nature i n order to try to formul ate mathemati cal laws
and theories. Man no l onger consi ders hi msel f part of nature i n any
practical way. Ma n, the experi menter, must stand apart from nature,
hi s experi ment . And he does not admi t that hi s very experi ment
changes nature or i nfl uences the result, for that woul d mean he forgoes
his cl ai m to objectivity. To try to get an objecti ve result woul d me an
another experi ment er woul d have to moni t or the fi rst experi menter.
Thi s creates an i mpossi bl e and infinite regress like a pai nter
Epilogue 207
at t empt i ng t o pai nt the whol e l andscape i ncl udi ng himself. He can
never pai nt the pai nter that is pai nt i ng the pi cture.
We have come to treat nature as a machi ne, wi th laws i mposed upon
i t from wi t hout , i nstead of as an organi sm.
A machi ne shoul d be i nherentl y predi ctabl e. In theory all you have
to do is to find all the rules and di scover all the bits. So the hunt was
on to pai nt a more and more compl et e pi cture of nature, and the
pai nter was forgotten.
Knowl edge was di vorced from experi ence. It became somet hi ng you
l earned at s econd hand, an abstract body of t heory exi st i ng
i ndependentl y of the knower and growi ng all the time. All that mattered
was the final product, the theory, not the experi ence of l earni ng it,
Thi s way of objecti fyi ng knowl edge severely l i mi ts the kind of
knowl edge you can deal wi th. At the ext reme, emot i ons , art, and
rel ati onshi ps are deval ued, because they rely on subjective experi ence.
Scientific laws no l onger seem to relate to the real worl d of human
experi ence.
Scientific theori es are met aphors about the worl d, they are not true,
they are a way of thi nki ng about the worl d, in the same way that a
pai nt i ng i s one way of representi ng the l andscape. We are rapi dl y
fi ndi ng that our way of thi nki ng about the worl d up to now has been
useful i n some di recti ons and catastrophi c i n others.
The met aphor of a predi ctabl e, objective worl d has been shaken by
the quant um theori es of physics. The more deepl y we i nvesti gate, the
more i t becomes clear both that the observer has an effect on what
he observes, and that the observer is an integral part of any scientific
experi ment . Li ght will act as particles or waves, dependi ng on what
sort of experi ment you set up. You can never exactl y pi npoi nt both
where a particle is, and when it is there. The worl d is f undament al l y
i ndetermi nate. Qua nt um physics i s di spl aci ng the clockwork universe
as the prevai l i ng scientific metaphor.
The new expl orati ons and i deas of systems theory, and the st udy
of chaos and order, are showi ng us that even i n si mpl e systems you
cannot keep track of all t he variables, and slight vari ati ons can change
the whol e system. It is the begi nni ng of a revol uti on, it is changi ng
the whol e way we see nature.
Chaos i s predi ctabl e randomness, whi ch i s epi t omi zed by the so-
called Butterfly Effect. Thi s is named after a talk by the Ameri can
met eorol ogi st Edward Lorenz, enti tl ed, ' Doe s the Fl ap of a Butterfly's
Wi ngs i n Brazil Set Of f a Tornado i n Texas?' Lorenz had been usi ng
a comput er model for tracki ng weather. He tired of t ypi ng i n l ong
numbers and t hought i t woul d make no difference i f he rounded t hem
off to a few deci mal pl aces. He was surprised to fi nd that this threw
the world's weather predi cti ons compl et el y out. A tiny change in the
right place can have huge consequences. Thi s underl i nes how the
whol e of nature i s a syst em and not somet hi ng apart from us that we
can experi ment on wi th i mpuni ty. As Gregory Bateson says i n Steps
to an Ecology of Mind, ' Lack of syst emi c wi s dom is always puni shed. '
Thes e new scientific met aphors allow us to be part of nature agai n.
In the same way NLP as a met aphor connect s us back to our subjective
experi ence, and expresses the syst emi c nature of our inner experi ence.
We now know about the compl exi t y of the external world and we
know somet hi ng of the i mpact that we, the i nvi si bl e observers, are
havi ng on the external world. The consequences of how we think are
faithfully mi rrored back by the out si de world. The universe is a perfect
feedback devi ce. What we think is what we get. If we want to change
the world, we must fi rst change oursel ves. We must expl ore and
change our internal experi ence i f we are to i nfl uence and shape the
external worl d with wi sdom.
NLP, as the st udy of the structure of subjective experi ence, enabl es
us to expl ore oursel ves. For it is a study of how we make model s. It
does not take the model s we have made and confuse them wi th reality.
As a way of creati ng excel l ence it is infiltrating and i nfl uenci ng
many fi el ds. In a way, when this process i s compl ete, NLP coul d cease
to exist as a separate di sci pl i ne. It woul d be assi mi l ated i nt o everyday
life like the teacher who succeeds by maki ng herself redundant,
because her students can now l earn for themsel ves.
NLP is part of a movement that is growi ng steadily stronger. A
movement towards acti ng in the worl d more effectively, usi ng the skills
and knowl edge that we have, wi t h grace, wi sdom and bal ance. We can
learn muc h from the Bal i nese maxi m, ' We have no art, we just do
thi ngs as well as possible.'
We are di scoveri ng ourselves and our capaci ty for awakeni ng in a
beautiful and al l uri ng world of endl ess surprises.
Peopl e travel to wonder
at the hei ght of the mount ai ns ,
at the huge waves of the sea,
at the l ong courses of rivers, at the vast compas s of the ocean,
at the circular mot i on of the stars,
and they pass themsel ves by wi t hout wonderi ng.
St Augustine
I NV E S T I NG I N Y OU R S E L F
Increasi ngl y more of us are l ooki ng to fi nd satisfaction on an i nner
level. Di fferent peopl e will call it by different names: personal
devel opment , personal evol uti on, sel f-devel opment, sel f-actual i zati on,
spiritual devel opment , or real i zi ng more of our potenti al .
Accordi ng to Peter Russel l in hi s excel l ent book 1'he Awakening Earth,
the persona] devel opment field is a growi ng area and is roughl y
doubl i ng every four years. Personal devel opment i n its wi dest sense
covers a range of different activities i ncl udi ng medi t at i on, yoga and
tai chi , counsel l i ng, Gestal t, psychotherapy, groupwork, transacti onal
anal ysi s, rebi rthi ng, asserti veness trai ni ng, stress management ,
prosperity consci ousness, rel ati onshi p trai ni ng, and many more
i ncl udi ng, of course, NLP.
Each of us becomes drawn to one or another personal devel opment
path in different ways and at different ti mes. The fact that you are
readi ng this book i ndi cates that you are at the mome nt drawn to
expl ore NLP,
You are the best j udge of whi ch path is most appropri ate for you
at the moment . Whi chever pathways you pursue, they will involve
some i nvestment i n terms of t i me and money. The y will involve
organi zi ng and travelling, buyi ng books or tapes, and doi ng courses.
You, in effect, invest some proporti on of the money that flows through
you in your own personal devel opment . Each of us spends a different
proporti on at different ti mes.
It is well worth taki ng a few mi nut es to work out roughl y what
percentage of your i ncome you have invested i n yourself over the last
few years. First make a list of what you consi der to be the personal
devel opment activities in your fife. As a gui del i ne here, these will have
a l asti ng effect that i s i n some way generati ve. The y go on produci ng
benefits. Medi t at i on has this quality, i ce-cream does not.
No w make a rough esti mate of the financial cost of each of these
activities. Noti ce, too, the benefi ts you have got from each. Now total
the cost. What percentage is this of your total i ncome over the peri od?
It is worth compari ng this to the proporti on of i ncome that
compani es spend on trai ni ng and devel opi ng their peopl e. For most
compani es in this count ry it is around one or two per cent. For the
most successful compani es it is nearer ten per cent.
The percentage of your i ncome that you invest in yourself is a
reflection of how much you val ue yourself. You are your own most
val uabl e resource and i nvesti ng in yourself may be the best i nvestment
you can make.
Do you invest as muc h i n yoursel f as you want to? Qui t e apart from
the i nner benefits, there can be financial benefits too.
I have a friend who became dissatisfied wi th her life. She worked
as a cook earni ng about 7, 000 a year. Over three or four years, she
invested about ten per cent of her i ncome i n her own devel opment and
trai ni ng, i ncl udi ng NLP trai ni ng. She has transformed herself and her
lifestyle. She now fi nds life muc h more satisfying and al so earns
20, 000 a year.
The flow of mone y i n our lives accuratel y reflects the flow of
thoughts i n our mi nds. So, i f you want to change your bank bal ance,
change your thi nki ng. Thi s is a central not i on of prosperity
consci ousness.
On a more general level, if you want to change your external reality,
change your i nner reality fi rst,
NLP i s about changi ng our i nner reality. Unl es s the benefits are
sufficiently clear, there i s no mot i vat i on to commi t ti me and money.
What are the benefits of i nvesti ng i n NLP trai ni ng?
Everyone bri ngs their own uni que personal i ty and potenti al to an
NLP t rai ni ng course, and the benefi ts will vary from person to person.
What you will get depends mai nl y on what you want to get, so it is
well worth bei ng clear about your personal out comes.
Many peopl e come pri mari l y for personal devel opment . The y may
be goi ng through a peri od of change in their life, and want skills and
tools for maki ng changes. Others may si mpl y be aware that there
coul d be more to their life.
Some come mai nl y for professional reasons, al t hough personal and
professional devel opment go hand i n hand. NLP skills are i nval uabl e
as i nterpersonal skills. Many professi onal s use NLP i n their work:
teachers, trainers, counsel l ors, therapists, psychiatrists, nurses, social
workers, probat i on officers, management consul tants and sal espeopl e.
NLP i mproves effectiveness at work and gives an enhanced sense of
wel l -bei ng. Many professi onal s use NLP t o become more successful
financially, so getti ng a t angi bl e return in ki nd on their i nvestment.
Parti ci pants often report a ne w di mensi on to experi ence, a new
perspecti ve on life, more choi ces, creative i deas, and ne w skills to
apply. Enhanced awareness and fl exi bi l i ty revitalize both personal and
professional life.
Last, but not least, NLP is fun. A course is s omet hi ng to look
forward to, an occasi on to enjoy and meet i nteresti ng peopl e.
You can learn NLP from books, but NLP i s experi enti al . It involves
havi ng the perceptual fi l ters, the patterns and the skills i n your
behaviour, rather than just as ideas in your head. Personal experi ence
with others has so much more me ani ng and i mpact than the wri tten
word. NLP is to be used at the l evel of experi ence if it is to be of any
value.
An NLP trai ni ng semi nar gi ves a safe envi ronment i n whi ch to
learn the patterns experi enti al l y wi t h sympat het i c peopl e, under
skilled supervi si on
There i s an ol d Chi nese sayi ng:
I hear and I forget.
I see and I remember.
I do and I understand.
Your i nvestment i n t rai ni ng i s consi derabl y more than your
i nvestment i n books and warrants careful consi derati on. There are
consi derabl y more benefi ts too.
The onl y way you will fi nd out i f NLP trai ni ng i s for you i s to do
it. In the next secti on we offer our t hought s on how you go about
choosi ng the course that is best for you.
C H O O S I N G N L P T R A I N I N G
Thi s secti on gives some gui del i nes t o hei p you choose whi ch NLP
trai ni ng to do.
NLP courses are bei ng offered i n greater numbers and varieties all
the ti me. At the mome nt you can choose from two-day i ntroducti on
courses, more advanced courses, i ncl udi ng speci al i zed courses for
particular appl i cati ons, and l onger NLP trai ni ngs. Many
organi zati ons offer free i ntroductory eveni ngs so you can fi nd out
more about them and the courses t hey offer.
There is a range of courses specifically ai med at appl yi ng NLP In
particular areas such as educat i on, busi ness, selling, presentati ons,
meet i ngs, negoti ati ons, musi c, acupuncture, counsel l i ng,
psychotherapy and hypnotherapy. There are also update courses
offering new and recent NLP patterns and devel opment s.
Practi ti oner or di pl oma level trai ni ng is a substanti al step. Thi s
normal l y involves around 150 hours trai ni ng spread over some 20 or
more days. Increasi ngl y, more trai ni ng organi zat i ons are offering a
short trai ni ng first wi th a variety of different names, and an opti onal
longer part to bri ng this up to the di pl oma or practi ti oner level.
Fol l owi ng on from this, i s master practi ti oner or advanced di pl oma
level trai ni ng, i nvol vi ng a similar ti me commi t ment . There are also
courses in new devel opment s, and trai ni ngs for trainers.
In practical terms, the first questi on to ask yourself is what sort of
t rai ni ng do you want? You may be clear from the start, or you may
need to formul ate your i deas by gatheri ng i nformati on. Do you si mpl y
want NLP trai ni ng or do you want i t speci al i zed i n an area of
appl i cati on? If so, whi ch one? Do you want a certificate or
qual i fi cati on from the trai ni ng?
The cost of the course i s an obvi ous consi derati on, and where the
course takes pl ace is an i mportant factor, both in terms of conveni ence
and ti me. Re me mbe r to add travel and accommodat i on costs to the
course fees.
Ho w l ong does the course last? Ho w does i t fi t i n wi th your other
commi t ment s?
How fl exi bl e are the arrangements? Do you buy a whol e course that
you arc then locked i nto whether you like it or not, or is it organi zed
in units that you can take or leave at your conveni ence? What are the
deposi t and cancel l ati on terms? How i s the course spread over ti me?
Is it on weekends or weekdays? In practi ti oner trai ni ngs there will
often be some practice eveni ngs that you will need to attend.
The trainers will have a bi g i nfl uence on the course. Some
organi zati ons use i nternati onal l y known trainers. Thi s will add to the
cost, but it is worth beari ng in mi nd that these trainers will usual l y
have had a l ong i nvol vement wi th NLP and be more experi enced.
Perhaps most i mportant are your own personal feelings and
assessment of the trai ni ng and the trainers. NL P i s about subjecti ve
experi ence. Be aware of your personal eval uati ons of qual i ty and what
is i mportant to you.
Do you like and respect the trainer/s? Do you have rapport and do
they have a personal i ntegri ty you can trust? Trainers have very
different personal styles. Does their style suit you? Can you learn well
from t hem?
Fi nd out as muc h as you can fi rst. Tel ephone the organi zat i ons and
ask about their courses. Tell t hem your requi rement s. Beware of
trai ni ng organi zat i ons that belittle others. Thi s i s unprofessi onal
conduct and may be used to cover their own weaknesses. A good
organi zati on will not find it necessary to put down others. Many
organi zati ons have open eveni ngs when you can go and speak to the
trainers. For many peopl e word of mout h recommendat i on is a key
criterion. You may know of friends or acquai nt ances who have done
trai ni ng and they can give you i nval uabl e feedback. Many peopl e will
prefer to take the recommendat i on of one parti cul ar friend that they
trust and respect, whereas others will make up thei r own mi nd.
The Associ ati on for Neuro- Li ngui st i c Programmi ng, here i n
Bri tai n, runs annual conferences where you can speak to many of the
organi zati ons and trainers. Nat i onal conferences are excel l ent pl aces
to learn about NLP and fi nd out more.
If you have enjoyed thi s book, you may like to know that the authors
are also the l ongest establ i shed provi ders of NLP trai ni ng courses i n
the UK. You can contact t hem directly for further i nformati on. See
the secti on at the end of this book called, ' About the Authors'.
N L P O R G A N I Z A T I O N S
W O R L D W I D E
Thi s list of NLP trai ni ng organi zati ons i s provi ded for i nformati on
only, in the spirit of networki ng. It does not consti tute a
recommendat i on. Our i ntenti on is to provi de as compl et e a list as
possi bl e at the present ti me, and we regret if there are any errors or
omi ssi ons. Please send any correcti ons, updates or i ncl usi ons to the
authors at John Seymour Associ ates, UK (see address on page 255).
The centres are listed al phabeti cal l y by country, and al phabeti cal l y
wi thi n each country. Thanks to Col i n Elliot for hel pi ng us compi l e
this list initially and Mi chael Phillips for hi s hel p in updat i ng it.
ARGENTINA Maxxum International
Buenos Aires
Institute Sud Americano de
Progracion Neuro-Linguistica
Beruti 2576 (14-25)
Level 1, Suite 8
402 Chapel Road
South Yarra
Victoria 3141
Tel: 83 7690 825 4512
Tel: 03 826 6944
Australian Institute of NLP
PO Box 1
AUSTRALIA
NELPS
19 Cedar Street
Yungaburra 4872
Tel: 070 953120
University of Queensland
St Lucia
AUSTRIA
Queensland 4067
Bewitched Books
Lot 22
Wool rich Road
Olinda 3788
Victoria
Tel: 07 369-2821
OTZ NLP
Teyberg. 1/19
A-1140 Vienna
Tel: 43222 894 0017
BELGIUM
Imtitut Resources PNL
37 Bois Pirart
B-1320 Genval
Tfel: (02) 653 07 44
Synergie
Rue Holtebeek 24
B-1630 Linkbeek
Tel: 02 380 4392
CANADA
Centre de PNL de Quebec
2662 C hem in de Toulon
Sillery
Quebec GIT 1X8
Tel: 418 659 6107
Centre Quebefois de PNL
180 Victoria
Longueuil
Quebec J4H 2V5
Tel: 514 679 3571
Exellence/IHimitte
62 Rue Aberden
Saint Lambert
Quebec J4P 1R4
Tel: 514 671 6457
Georpon Bay NLP Centre
Box 1210 Meaford
Ontario, N0H 1Y0
Tel: 519 538-1194
Institute Meta PNL de Quebec
Case Postale 194
Aylmer
Quebec J9H 3L0
Institul Quebec de Theropie e(
D'Hypnose
33 Chemin Beaudetie
North Hatley
Quebec JOB 2CD
Tel: 819 842 4148
Les Ateliers Cognito
CP 641
Boucherville
Quebec J B4 6Y3
Tel: 514 449 2698
Metob/Jity
415 Riverdale Avenue
Ottawa
Ontario KIS 1R8
Tel: 613 231 3874
Metoformot/on (nc NLP Centre
3538 Marlowe Avenue
Montreal
Quebec H4A 3L7
Tel: 514 486-1282
Metomorph US
2082 Tawney Road
Ottawa
Ontario KIG 1B8
Tel: 613 739 5657
NLP Centres of Canada
338 First Avenue
Ottawa
Ontario KIS 2G9
Tel: 613 232-7782 and 416 283-3461
NLP Institute of Atlantic Canada
Box AO
Site 18, RR10
Frcdericton
NB E3B 6H6
Tel: 613 748 3344 Tel: 506 453 2360
NLP Institute of Ontario
633 Bay Street, #2223
Toronto
Ontario M5G 2G4
Tel: +16 977-7810
1800 668-8235
NLP Institute of Ontario Sooth
543 Harbourne Crescent
Saint Clair Beach
Ontario N8N 3J5
Tfel: 519 735 2688
NLP Institute of Saskatchewan
30 Anderson Crescent
Saskatoon
Saskatchewan S7H 3Z8
Tel: 306 373 8535
NLP Institute of Western Canada
The Wag Barge Box 5
500 Cardero Street
Vancouver
BC V6G 2W6
Tel: 604 687 7381
NLP Manitoba
179 Lipton Street
Winnipeg
Manitoba R3G 2G8
Tel: 204 7759607
NLP Meta Institute
2126 Hubbard Crescent
Ottawa
Ontario K1J 6L2
Tel: 613 748 3344
NLP Training Associates
9 Prince Arthur Avenue
Toronto
Ontario M5R 1B2
Tel: 416 925 0983
PNL Saguenay
2509 Rue Potvin
Jonquiere
Quebec G7S 4L8
Tel: 418 547 2191
Sherlco Corporation
2022 31st Street SW
Calgary
Alberta T3E 2N2
Tel: 403 240-3565
Syntonie
1530 Rue Ken
Saint Lambert
Quebec J4R 1W3
Tel: 514 672 6384
Success Strategies
512 Indian Road
Burlington
Ontario L7T 3T3
Tel: 416 630 6468
CENTRAL AMERICA
NLP Center of Texas
18 Avenue B7-69
Zona 15
Vista Hermona 1
Guatemala
Tel: 5022-691146
DENMARK
Connector APS
Trondhjemsgade 2
2100 Copenhagen
Oonsk NLP Institute
Sankelmarksvcj 23- 5
8600 Silkeborg
Tel: 45 86 80 19 11
Netvark AS
Finn Strandgaard
Esplanaden 46
1263 Copenhagen
FINLAND
Finnish Association of NLP
(publishes a magazine: VAK NLP
Comrruin&atwn, Change)
Vehkatie 25 as. 23
04400 Jarvenpaa
Finland
Tel: 0291 9834
FRANCE
IFPNL
15 rue August Vitu
75015 Paris
Tel: (1) 45 75 30 15
NLP Sons Frontieres
12 rue des Marroniers
75016 Paris
Tel: (1) 45 25 86 98
PHARE
(The Neuro-Linguistic Society)
123 rue de Faubourg Poissoniere
75009 Paris
Repere
78 avenue General Michel Bizot
Paris 75012
Tel: (1) 43 46 00 16
jane Turner
41 rue de la Plaine
75020 Paris
GERMANY
The number of NLP Institutes in
Germany has grown very quickly.
There is now a complete book
devoted to listing the NLP
Institutes and NLP TVainers in
Germany: Wer Traintert NLP? by
Inke Jochlms (Junfermann, 1992).
HOLLAND
Institute Eclectisch Psychology
Staringstraal #1
6511 PC
Nigmegen
Tel; 80 230 837
HUNGARY
Hungarian Association for NLP
Secretary Gyozo Matrai
Budapest XI V
Thokoly U. 562
Budapest XI V
Tel: 0036 1 1832 835
The Hungarian Institute can also
be contacted in Germany through:
Stephen Molnar
Tschaikowskystrasse 6
8000 Munich 60
Germany
Tel: (1) 48 78 54 37 Tel: 49 89 864 4379
IRELAND
Stanley Warren Associates
84 Dollymount Park
Clontarf
Dublin 3
Tel: 1331105
ISRAEL
The Israel institute for NLP
16 Revivim Street
Tel-Aviv 69354
Tel: (03) 482621
ITALY
AIPNL (Italian Association of NLP)
Via Bandello 18
20123 Milano
Tel: 2 481 6500
IIPNL (Italion Institute of NLP)
Viale Aldini 5
40136 Bologna
Tel: 51 334805
Programmazione Neuro Linguistica
Via Bazzoni
300195 Rome
LUXEMBOURG
NIP International
14 rue du Cimetiere
L-7313 Heisdorf
Tel: 352 3324 85
NORWAY
interact/on
PO Box 1266 Vika
N-0111 Oslo 1
RUSSIA
NLP Laboratory
Box 808
Novosibirsk
112
SWITZERLAND
Advanced Communication Training, Inc
Victoriastrasse 32
8057 Zurich
lATH-Miller
Postfach 1053
CH 9001 St Gallen
Tel: 071 285328
also at:
Stockerstrasse 56
8002 Zurich
Tel: (0) 1 202 5733
NLP Publications in Switzerland:-
NLP World
International English language
magazine
NLP World
Lcs 3 Chasseurs
1413 Orzens
Vaud
Fax: 21 887 7976
UNITED KINGDOM
The National Association of NLP in
the UK is:
ANLP (Association of Neuro-Ltnguistic
Programming)
48 Corser St
Stourbridge
DY8 2 DQ
Tel: 47 2 113828 Tel: 0384 443935
NLP Publications in the UK:
Rapport
Published by ANLP, see above.
NLP Training Organizations in the UK:
Cnangeworks
1 Eastlands Court
St Peter's Road
Rugby
CV21 3QT
Tel: 0788 546262
International Teaching Seminars
7 Rudall Crescent
London NW3 IRS
Tel: 071 923 3282
NLP Northeast
35 Albert Street
Eaglesclifie
Stockton-on-Tees
Cleveland
TS16 ODA
Tel: 0642 376681
Pace Ltd
86 South Hill Park
London NW3 2SN
Tel: 071 794-0960
Proudfoot School of Hypnosis
and Psychotherapy
9 Belvedere Place
Scarborough
North Yorkshire
YOll 2QX
Tel: 0723 363638
Sensory Systems
28 Bellwood Street
Shawlands
Langside
Glasgow G41 3ES
Tel: 041 632-3179
John Seymour Assodotes
4- 6 Conduit Road
St Werburghs
Bristol BS2 9RW
Tel: 0272 557827
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
The National Association of NLP in
the USA is:
MNLP
200 Marott Center
342 Massachusetts Ave
Indianapolis, IN 46204
Tel: 317-636 6059
Fax: 317-638 0539
NLP Publications in the USA:
Anchor Point Magazine
PO Box 286
Franktown, CO 80116
Tel: 303-841 8701
800-544 6480
Fax: 303-841 8705
Rapporter Newsletter
740 East Mingus Avenue No 2013
Cottonwood, AZ 86326
Tel: 602-634 7646
The VAK Newsletter
240A Twin Dolphin Dr
Redwood City, CA 94065
Tel: 415-595 7795
800- 228 4069
NLP Book Publishers:
Meta Publications
PO Box 565
Cupertino
California 95015
Metomorphous Press, Inc.
PO Box 10616
Portland, OR 97210-0616
Tel: 503-228 4972
NLP Training Organizations in the USA:
Accelerated Learning Institute of New
England
79 Westchester Rd
Newton, MA 02158
Tel: 617-964 0160
Advanced Behavioural Modeling. Inc.
1201 Delta Glen CT
Vienna, VA 22182-1320
Tel: 703-757 7945
Fax: 703-757 7946
Advanced Communication Training, Inc.
11 Waverly Place, No 2C
New York, NY 10003
Tel: 212-529 9227
800-422 8657
Fax: 201-509 9599
Advanced Neuro Dynamics, Inc.
1833 Kalakaua Ave, No 908
Honolulu, HI 96813
Tel: 808-941 2021
Advanced Training Institute
330 Mohawk Road
Santa Barbara, CA 93109
l ei : 805-966 1414
800-782 8833
Fax: 805-966 7383
Anthony Robbins Foundotion
9191 Town Centre Drive
Suite 500, San Diego, CA 92122
Tel: 800-445 8183
Behavioral Engineering
230 Mt Herman Road, Ste 207
Scotts Valley, CA 95006
Tel: 408-438 5649
Boundaries Unlimited
PO Box 904
Evanston, IL 60204
Tel: 312-262 2794
The Brief Therapy Center
Executive Park, N Bldg
Albany, NY 12203
Tel: 518-437 1080
Coscode Center, Inc.
4903 Linden Ave. N. No 3
Seattle, WA 98103
Tel: 206-343 2633
Center for Advonced Communication
Training
1846 Rosemead Pkwy. No 218
Carollton, TX 75507
Tel: 214-492 4717
Center for Professional Development
245-M Mt Hermon Road, No 323
Scotts Valley, CA 95066
Tel: 408-426 8344
The Changeworks
PO Box 5909
Bend, OR 97708-5909
Tel: 503-382 1894
800-800 6463
Fax: 808-951 0417
Charles Parry & Associates
55 Sandy Pond Road
PO Box 232
Lincoln, MA 01773
Tel: 617-259 1387
Fax: 508-369 8796
Choicework Institute
6118 Park Heights Ave
Baltimore, MD 21215
Tel: 301-358 1381
Creating Results, Inc.
124 Coburn Woods
Nashua, NH 03063-2856
Tel: 603-883 6544
Creative Counseling Consulting
372 Central Park West, No 6Y
New York, NY 30025
Tel: 212-749 8389
Creative Growth Unlimited
83 William Street
Lyons, NY 14489
Tel: 315-946 4916
Dynamic Learning Center
PO Box 1112
Ben Lomond, CA 95005
Tel: 408-336 3457
Ewing & Assoc.
PO Box 918
Indian Hills, CO 80454-0918
Tel: 303-893 8633
Focticity Trainings, Inc.
PO Box 22814
Seatde, WA 98122
Tel: 206-462 4369
Family Therapy Institute of Alexandria
220 S. Washington St
Alexandria, VA 22314
Freedom Workshop
Box 5881
Berkeley, CA 94705-0881
Tel: 510-428 1184
Future Pace, Inc.
PO Box 1173
San Rafael, CA 94915
Tel: 415-485 1200
High Performance Group
3 Church Circle, Suite 1
Annapolis, MD 21401
Tel: 410-263 4101
800-673 8299
Fax: 410-268 3387
The Human Solution
2875 Harmony Street
Boise, ID 83706
Tel: 208-343 0097
Humanistic NLP
PO Box 394
Tarzana, CA 91358
Tel: 818-881 1450
IDHEA Seminars
3900 W. Brown Deer Rd. No A164
Milwaukee, WI 53209
Tel: 414-562 1099
Fax: 414-265 2935
Institute of NLP & Hypnosis
c/o Jonathan Rice, Ph.D.
8820 Business Park Drive
Suite 400
Austin, TX 78756
Tel: 703-549 6000 Tel: 512-795 0090
Institute of NLP it Hypnosis Austin
4314 Medical Pkwy, Suite 8
Austin, TX 78756
Tel: 512-454 8732
jay & Marilyn Spechler
1629 N Riverview Rd
Apt 321
Deerfield Beach, FL 33441
Tel: & Fax: 305-480 2876
Lead Consultants, Inc.
PO Box 664
Reynoldsburg, OH 43068
Tel: 614-864 0156
The Learner's Edge, Inc.
12830 Hillcrest, Suite 111
Dallas, TX 75230
Tel: 214-471 1668
800-234 4853
Fax: 214-556 2322
and
1274 Whitlock Ridge Drive
Marietta, GA 30064
Tel: 404-590 1001
800-234 4853
Learning Strategies Corp
900 East Wayzala Blvd
Wayzata, MN 55391-1836
Tel: 612-475-2250
Fax: 612-475 2373
Life Learning Center
3121 Rochester Rd
Royal Oak, MI 48073
Tel: 313-545 5878
Matrix Institute
500 N McBride Street
Syracuse, NY 13203
Tel: 315-472 9042
Mental Software Corporation
3340 W. Irving Park Rd
Suite 200
Chicago, IL 60613
Tel: 312-784 2248
312-763 2053
Meto Outcomes
366 Hihn St
Felton, CA 95018-9201
Tel: 408-335 3727
Fax: 408-335 5919
Metamorphosis
PO Box 40222
1904 N 7th St
Grand Junction, CO B1504-0222
Tel: 303-245 3235
Fax: 503-223 9137
MetoSystems
42015 Ford Road No 224
Canton, MI 48187
Tel: 313-451 6382
Michael Grinder and Associates
16303 NE 259th Street
Battle Ground, WA 98604
Tel: 206-687 3238
Fax: 206-687-5656
Mid South Institute of NLP
2906 Garth Road SE
Huntsville, AL 35801
Tel: 205-883 0884
Midlantic Institute for NLP
A Division of American
Hypnotherapy Training Academy
8750 Georgia Ave, Suite 125E
Silver Springs, MD 20910
Tel: 301-565 0103
800-343 9915
Fax: 301-565 0511
Midwest Jnstitute of NLP
702 Colfax
South Bend, IN 46628
Tel: 219-232 1405
800-235 7210
MoiMMiner Affiliate in NLP
402 5th Ave
Huntington, WV 25701
Tel: 304-522 0485
Neuro Concepts Institute
25822 Evergreen Road
Laguna Hills, CA 92653
Tel: 714-458 7676
NLP America, lnc./8/ue DeH Systems
73 Steamboat Wharf
Mystic, CT 06355
Tel: 203-536 2249
Fax: 203-536 7107
NLP Arizona, Ltd
PO Box 2800-291
Carefree, AZ 85377
Tel; 602-252 4840
800-584 6884
The NLP Associates
244 Hermann St. No 2
San Francisco, CA 94117
Tel: 415-861 0460
NLP Assoc. Northwest
319 Nickerson St. No 169
Seattle, WA 98109
Tel: 206-547 8874
NLP Awareness Center
501 Main Street
Toms River, NJ 08753
Tel: 908-240 0745
Fax: 908-240 4960
NLP Center of Connecticut
23 Sherman Street
Fairfield, CT 06430
Tel: 203-255 0600
NLP Center, Counselling & Training
9560 Villa Park Cir
Dallas, TX 75225
Tel: 214-265 8593
NLP Center of New Jersey
PO Box 424
Hopatcong, NJ 07843
Tel: 205-770 1084
NLP Center of New Orleans
4058 Franklin Avenue
New Orleans, LA 70122
Tel: 504-945 3696
NLP Center of Texas
PO Box 980306
Houston, TX 77098-0306
Tel: 713-529 6681
NLP Comprehensive
2897 Valmont Road
Boulder, CO 80301
Tel: 303-442 1102
800-233-1657
Fax: 303- 442 0609
NLP Connection
PO Box 7818
Santa Cruz, CA 95061
Tel: 408-425 3614
NIP Institute of Michigan, Inc.
115 S. Walnut
Rochester, Ml 48307
Tel: 313-651 7780
Fax: 313-651 7804
NLP Institute of Oregon
3250 Payne Road
Medford, OR 97504
Tel: 503-535 5932
NLP Consuftonu
PO Box 1613
Perarland, TX 77588
Tel: 713-482 8955
NLP Learning Systems Corp
109 Spanish Village Ctr, Suite 643
Dallas, TX 75248
Tel: 214-980 6887
NLP Institute of California
PO Box 12
Felton, CA 95018
Tel: 408-335 3858
800-767 6756
Fax: 408-335 2395
NLP Institute of Chigaco
PO Box 25184
Chicago, IL 60660
Tel: 312-271 9578
NLP - New York
4 Washington Square Village,
Suite 4L
New York, NY 10012
Tel: 212-533 6265
NLP - Niagoro
4325 While Acres Rd
Clarence, NY 14031
Tel: 716-631 0392
NLP Institute of Houston, Inc.
4900 Woodway - Suite 700
Houston, TX 77056
Tel: 713-622 6574
Fax: 813-595 0040
NLP Institute of Los Angeles
28172 Rey de Copas
Malibu, CA 90265
Tel: 213-457 6006
NLP of Ohio
869 1/2 Franklin Ave
Columhus, OH 43205
Tel: 614-253 7127
NLP of Oklahoma
5400 NW Grand
Suite 100
Oklahoma City, OK 73312
Tel: 405-942 4371
NLP Products & Promotions
J3223 Black Mountain Road
No 1 - 429
San Diego, CA 92129
Tel: 619-538 6216
NLP St. Louis
PO Box 20593
St. Louis, MO 63139
Tel: 314-776 4030
NLP Santa Fe
PO Box 9910
Santa Fe, NM 87504-9910
Tel: 505-986 3922
NLP of Southern California
4387 York Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90041
Tel: 213-254 3841
NLP of the Southwest
PO Box 1135
Ranchos De Taos, NM 87557
Tel: 505-758 0615
NLP of SW Michigan
2318 Outlook Street
Kalamazoo, MI 49001
Tel: 616-345 2740
Fax: 616-345 2740
NLP of Sun Valley
Box 1100
Sun Valley, ID 83353
Tel: 208-622 3634
NLP Training Systems, Inc.
2129 Spring Garden St.
Philadelphia, PA 19103
Tel: 215-854-0800
NLP Works International, Inc.
PO Box 64547
Tbcson, AZ 85728-4547
Tel: 800-283 9075
Fax: 213-457 6006
New England Institute - NLP
RFD No 3, Pratte Corner Road
Amherst, MA 01002-9805
Tel: 413-259 1248
New York Training Institute for NLP
155 Prince Street
New York, NY 10012
Tel: 212-473 2852
Northeast NLP Institute
351 Simpson Road
Saco, ME 04072-9418
Tel: 207-929 8517
Ocean NLP Center
1845 Old Freehold Rd
Toms River. NJ 08755
Tel: 908-244 6116
Fax: 908-341 2553
O.T.C.C., Inc.
PO Box 697
Friday Harbour, WA 98250
Tel: 206-378 4999
800-369 4390
Fax: 206-378 7266
Peck Performance Corp.
2030 Powers Ferry Road. No 444
Atlanta, GA 30339
Tel: 404-988 9186
Fax: 404-988 8982
Philadelphia Training Inst. NLP
569 N. Main Street
Doylestown, PA 18901
Tel: 215-546 3604
Quantum Leap
PO Box 67359
Scotts Valley, CA 95067-7359
Tel: 408-457 0529
Fax: 408-457 2384
Rivijon Training Institute
PO Box 40
Welaka, FL 32193
Tel: 904-467 9241
Robert Siudzinski
PO Box 1764
Ponte Vedra Beach, FL 32082
Tel: 904-646 2930
South Carolina NLP
PO Box 1140
Pawlcys Island, SC 29585
South Central Institute - NLP
PO Box 1213
Mandeville, LA 70470
Tel: 504-895 3665
Southern California Center for NLP
2075 Palos Verdes Drive N
Suite 200
Lomita, CA 90717-3726
Tel: 213-326 5545
Southern Institute of NLP
Box 529
Indian Rocks Beach, FL 34635
Tel: 813-596 4891
Spectrum / Resource Alliance
938 West Fifth Street
Winston-Salem, NC 27106
Tel: 919-761 0650
Suson Branch & Associotes Center for
NLP
61C Monroe Avenue
PO Box 426
Pittsford, NY 14534
Tel: 716-586 6773
Fax: 716-586 6773
Syntax Communication Modeling
Corporation
PO Box 2296
Los Gates, CA 95031-2296
Tel: 408-353 4590
Fax: 408-353 2497
Syntony Publishing, Inc.
240A Twin Dolphin Drive
Redwood City, CA 94065
Tel: 415-595 7795
803-237 2316
7oylor, Johnson & Associates
PO Box 871224
Dallas, TX 75287
Tel: 214-381 0059
Western States Training Association
2290 E 4500 S, Suite 120
Salt Lake City, UT 84117
Tel: 801-278 1022
A G U I D E TO N L P B OOK S
Thi s i s a list of books deal i ng with NLP and appl i cati ons of NLP to
particular fields. It is not an exhausti ve list, and some books coul d be
pl aced i n more than one category. The general comment s provi de a
gui de to further readi ng.
The list is di vi ded i nto four categori es: General, Business and Sales,
Education and Health and Therapy. Books are arranged by al phabeti cal
order of author' s name wi thi n each category.
Many NLP books are publ i shed i n the US A and are not yet wi del y
available. Cont act the nearest NLP trai ni ng organi zat i ons for detai l s
of NLP bookshops or see the NLP Resources Gui de at the e nd of this
secti on.
Our thanks to Mi chael Breen and Mi chael Nei l l for hel pi ng us
compi l e this secti on.
G E NE R A L
Books are listed al phabeti cal l y by author.
Change Your Mind and Keep the Change
Steve and Conni rae Andreas, Real Peopl e Press, 1987.
Edi ted transcript of semi nars given by the authors. It gives many of
Ri chard Bandl er' s submodal i t y change techni ques, swi sh, changi ng
criteria, and the compul si on blowout. Al so there is a chapter on
ti mel i nes.
Heart of the Mind
Steve and Conni rae Andreas , Real Peopl e Press, 1990.
NLP strategies appl i ed to a wi de range of i deas, i ncl udi ng usi ng
ti mel i nes for persona) change. One of the best col l ecti ons of NLP i n
action.
228 Introducing Neuro-Linguistk Prograrnming
An Insider's Guide To Subrnodalities
Ri chard Bandi er and Wi l l Mac Donal d, Me t a Publ i cati ons, 1988.
A book that gives a wi de range of work wi t h submodal i ti es, i ncl udi ng
changi ng beliefs and vari ati ons on the swish. The most comprehensi ve
gui de to submodal i t i es available at the moment .
Frogs into Primes
Ri chard Bandi er and John Gri nder, Real Peopl e Press, 1979.
An edi t ed semi nar transcript coveri ng many of the mai n NLP
patterns: anchori ng, reframi ng, representati onal systems, rapport
and eye accessi ng cues. There are many anecdot es and fasci nati ng
asi des in the course of the book.
Magic in Action
Ri chard Bandier, Met a Publ i cati ons, 1985.
Thi s book i s made up of edi ted transcripts of vi deo tapes of Ri chard
Bandi er worki ng wi th clients on probl ems such as agoraphobi a, fear
of authori ty fi gures and anti ci patory loss. An appendi x covers treati ng
s ympt oms of post-traumati c stress di sorders usi ng NLP techni ques.
Neuro-Linguistic Programming: Ibiume 1, The Study of the Structure of Subjective
Experience
Ri chard Bandier, John Grinder, Robert Di l t s, Judi t h DeLozi er, Met a
Publ i cati ons, 1980.
A comprehensi ve gui de to model l i ng, coveri ng el i ci ti ng, desi gni ng,
uti l i zi ng and i nstal l i ng strategies.
Reframing: Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the Transformation of Meaning
Ri chard Bandi er and John Grinder, Real Peopl e Press, 1982.
A book of edi ted semi nar transcripts deal i ng wi th reframi ng i n detail.
There are secti ons on negoti ati on bet ween parts, creati ng new parts,
six step reframi ng and reframi ng i n systems such as families and
organi zati ons.
The Structure of Magic J
Ri chard Bandi er and John Gri nder, Sci ence and Behavi our Books,
1975.
The f i rst NLP book t o be publ i shed and the definitive one on the Met a
Model , very detai l ed and wi th materi al on transformati onal grammar.
The Me t a Model i s presented i n an overall context of psychotherapy
The Structure of Magic 2
Ri chard Bandier and John Grinder, Sci ence and Behavi our Books, 1976.
Compani on vol ume to Magk I. Det ai l ed account of synesthesi as,
i ncongrui ty and representational systems in a context of family therapy.
Using Your Brain For a Change
Ri chard Bandier, Real Peopl e Press, 1985.
Edi ted transcript of Ri chard Bandl er' s semi nars about submodal i t y
patterns i ncl udi ng the swi sh pattern. Some very ent ert ai ni ng asi des
occur i n the devel opment of the mai n i deas.
An NLP Hbrkbook: Advanced Techniques Book 1
Phil Boas with Jane Brooks, Met amorphous Press, 1985,
A list of NLP exerci ses from a trainer's poi nt of view. Not an
i ntroductory text.
A Framework for Excellence
Charl otte Bretto, Gri nder DeLozi er Associ ates, 1989.
An excel l ent and detai l ed resource manual gi vi ng materi al and
exercises at practi ti oner level,
Emotional Hostage
Leslie Cameron- Bandl er and Mi chael Lebeau, FuturePace Inc. , 1985.
A practical book for deal i ng wi th emot i onal and relationship probl ems.
The Emprint Method
Leslie Cameron- Bandl er, Davi d Gordon and Mi chael Lebeau, Future
Pace Inc, 1985.
Det ai l ed met hods of model l i ng excel l ence i n any fi el d. A step-by-step
technical manual of the met hod.
Know Hotv, Guided Programs to Inventing Your O wn Best Future
Leslie Cameron- Bandl er, Mi chael Lebeau and Davi d Gordon, Future
Pace, 1985.
Practical appl i cati ons of the Empri nt met hod to di et and heal th,
children and relationships.
Feeling Good about Feeling Bad
Pat Chri stopherson, Gol den Egg Publ i shi ng, 1987.
On i ntegrati ng pain and painful emot i ons as a part of your day-to-day
life.
Results on Target
Bruce Di l man, Out c ome Publ i cati ons, 1989.
An excel l ent i n-depth expl orati on of out comes at work and at home.
Applications of Neuro-Linguistic Programming
Robert Di l ts, Met a Publ i cati ons, 1983.
A series of papers coveri ng the Me t a Model , and appl i cati ons of NLP
to business communi cat i on, sales, educati on, creative writing and health.
Changing Belief Systems with NLP
Robert Di l t s, Met a Publ i cat i ons, 1990.
A workshop-styl e book on changi ng beliefs. Very thorough and
i ncl udes the Met a- Mi rror and the Failure i nto Feedback pattern.
Roots of Neuro'Linguistic Programming
Robert Di l ts, Me t a Publ i cati ons, 1983.
A compl ex book whi ch contai ns three early papers. The fi rst integrates
NLP materi al wi th theori es of brai n functi on, the second descri bes
research i nto EEG readi ngs and representati onal systems. The third
contai ns materi al on the Me t a Model , altered states and met aphor i n
a therapeuti c context.
Tools for Dreamers
Robert Di l t s and Todd Epstei n, Me t a Publ i cat i ons, 1991.
A treasure trove of strategies and techni ques for creativity. Some of
the most up- t o- dat e wri ti ng on model l i ng available.
Mirious NLP Monographs
Robert Di l t s, Dynami c Learni ng Center.
Spi ral - bound monographs i ncl udi ng 'Albert Ei nstei n, Neuro-
Li ngui st i c Anal ysi s of a Geni us ' ; ' The Cogni t i ve Patterns of Jesus of
Nazaret h' ; ' Mos he Feldenkrais, NLP of the Body' ; ' NLP and Life
Ext ensi on' (wi th Jaap Hol l ander) ; ' NLP i n Trai ni ng Groups' ;
' Overcomi ng Resi stance t o Persuasi on wi th NLP' (wi th Jos eph
Yeager); ' The Parable of the Porpoi se' ; ' Spel l i ng Strategy' ; 'Walt
Di sney, the Dreamer, The Realist and the Cri ti c' ; ' Wol fgang
Amade us Mozart' . Thes e are available directly from the Dynami c
Learni ng Cent er (see addresses secti on).
Developing Co-operative Relationships
Gene Early, publ i shed by Gene Early, 1988.
A bookl et that uses NLP for devel opi ng and mai nt ai ni ng co-operati ve
rel ati onshi ps, where shari ng and agreement are i mportant. Useful for
both persona] and professional rel ati onshi ps.
The Happy Neurotic
Geoff Graham, Real Opt i ons Press, 1988.
Engl i sh book cont ai ni ng aspects of NLP. Muc h of the material i s
available in Using Your Brain for a Change.
Trance-Formations: Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the Structure of Hypnosis
John Gri nder and Ri chard Bandier, Real Peopl e Press, 1981,
Edi ted semi nar transcript of hypnosi s semi nars. There are clear and
det ai l ed expl anat i ons of trance i nduct i on wi th exerci ses broken i nt o
small steps, also many i nteresti ng stories and exampl es of hypnot i c
patterns. Ut i l i zat i on techni ques i ncl ude reframi ng, Ne w Behavi our
Generator, pai n control and amnesi a.
Turtles All the Why Down
John Gri nder and Judi t h DeLozi er, Gri nder DeLozi er Associ ates, 1987,
Edi ted semi nar transcript of John Gri nder and Judi t h DeLozi er' s new
work on the prerequi si tes of geni us and the necessary wi sdom, style
and grace whi ch must go wi th appl i cati ons of NLP technol ogy. A
fasci nati ng and essenti al book for anyone wi th knowl edge of and
interest i n NLP.
Leaves Before the Wind
John Grinder, Judi th DeLozi er and Charlotte Bretto, Gri nder DeLozi er
Associ ates, 1990.
A series of articles deal i ng wi th NLP and hypnosi s, heal i ng and artistry.
Challenge of Excellence
S. L. Gunn, Met amorphous Press, 1986,
Achi evi ng excel l ence through physical compet ence, bal anced
physiology, and appropri ate patterns of thought. Useful for any
teacher who wants t o devel op NLP skills i n conj unct i on wi th co-
operative games or out door pursui ts.
The Excellence Principle
S. L. Gunn, Excel l ence Unl i mi t ed, 1981.
An i ntroductory level NLP workbook based on the presupposi ti on that
'fun is a prerequi si te to excel l ence' .
Monsters and Magical Sticks
Steven Hel l er and Terry Steele, Falcon Press, 1987.
A cl ear and ent ert ai ni ng book on hypnosi s and trance states.
The Secret of Creating your Future
Tad Jame s , Advanced Neuro- Dynami cs , 1989.
Learn about ti mel i nes through the metaphori cal adventures of Mi l on
and the Wi zard.
Timeline Therapy and the Basis of Personality
Tad Jame s , Me t a Publ i cati ons, 1988.
A detai l ed and clear account of ti mel i nes, met aprograms and val ues.
Not an i ntroductory book.
Fine Time your Brain
Geni e Laborde, Synt ony Publ i shi ng, 1988.
FoUowing on from Influencing with Integrity this deals with communi cat i on
patterns, dovetai l i ng out comes, congruence and met aphors.
Magic Demystified
Byron Lewi s and Frank Pucel l k, Met amorphous Press, 1982.
An i ntroducti on to parts of NLP. It deals at l ength wi th the Me t a
Model , communi cat i on, how we make maps of the worl d,
representati on systems and accessi ng cues.
NLP: The WUd Days 1972-1981
Terry Mc Cl e ndon, Met a Publ i cat i ons, 1989.
A short, anecdotal account of John and Ri chard' s earl y partnershi p.
Golf: The Mind Game
Tennis: The Mind Game
Marl i n M. Mackenzi e wi th Ke n Denl i nger, Del l , 1990.
Appl yi ng NLP to sport. Understandabl e to those without NLP training.
The Art of the Possible
Dawna Markova, Conari Press, 1991.
Thi s i s the most i n-depth study of communi cat i on patterns based on
representati onal systems, i ncl udi ng i denti fyi ng your own patterns.
Basic Techniques: An NLP Workbook
Li nnaea Marvel l - Mel l , Met amorphous Press, 1982.
A workbook and cassette tape desi gned to teach basi c patterns of
reframing, anchori ng, accessi ng cues and the Met a Model .
Introducing Neuro-Linguistic Programming
Joseph O' Connor and John Seymour, Mandal a, 1990
An excel l ent i ntroducti on to NLP, this book i s desi gned for begi nners.
Comprehensi ve, clear and detai l ed, i t contai ns an overvi ew and all the
mai n patterns. Good as a reference, it has an i nval uabl e secti on on
all the NLP books, a guide to choosi ng courses and an extensive glossary
of NLP terms. Al so available direct from John Seymour Associ ates.
Practitioner Manual for Introductory Patterns in NLP
Maryann Reese and Carol Yancar, Sout hern Press, 1986.
A manual taken from a practi ti oner trai ni ng, an aide memoire to the
trai ni ng.
Programmer's Pocket Summary
Maryann Reese and Al an Densky, Reese and Densky, 1986.
Smal l , l oose l eaf bi nder whi ch cont ai ns basi c NLP patterns i n a sort
of recipe format. Not a book for begi nners.
Awaken the Giant Within
Ant hony Robbi ns, Si mon and Schuster, 1992.
A book about the structure of destiny and the sci ence of Neuro-
Associ ati vc Condi t i oni ng ( NAC! ) Exci t i ng and mot i vat i ng, though
not strictly NLR
Unlimited Power
Ant hony Robbi ns, Si mon and Schuster, 1986.
A very good exposi ti on of the basic pri nci pl es of NLP and many
personal appl i cati ons. Wri tten in a very personal and i mmedi at e style,
very anecdotal .
Cognitive Harmony
Jerry Stocki ng, Moos e Ear Press, 1991,
Subti tl ed 'An Advent ure i n Ment al Fitness', this book i ntroduces NLP
concepts i n the context of personal evol uti on.
Various NLP Monographs
Wyatt Woodsmal l , Self publ i shed.
Spi ral -bound monographs i ncl udi ng ' Busi ness Appl i cat i ons of NLP' ;
' The Sci ence of Advanced Behavi oural Model l i ng' ; ' Met aprograms' ;
' Language Patterns and Ti mel i ne Therapy' ; ' Strategi es' ; ' Li fel i ne
Therapy' ; ' Beyond Self Awareness' . Available from Advanced
Behavi our Model l i ng, see trai ni ng organi zati ons addresses.
Basic Techniques, Book II
Clifford Wri ght, Met amorphous Press, 1989.
A col l ecti on of exerci ses from NLP practi ti oner trai ni ng. Best done
i n groups of two or more.
Thinking About Thinking with NLP
Joseph Yeager, Me t a Publ i cati ons, 1985.
A book whi ch deal s more wi th the pri nci pl es of NLP, an ' NLP state
of mi nd' , parti cul arl y appl i ed to the busi ness worl d, rather than wi th
particular techni ques. An i nteresti ng overvi ew i f you are al ready
acquai nted wi th the basic i deas of NLP.
B US I NE S S A N D SALES
Green Light Selling
Don As promont e and Di ane Aust i n, Cahi l l Mount ai n Press, 1990.
An NLP sales process that will be parti cul arl y useful for those
sal espeopl e who know their product, know their markets and know
that they can do better.
Beyond Selling
Dan Bagl ey and Edward Reese, Me t a Publ i cati ons, 1987.
A wel l -wri tten book coveri ng an NLP approach to gai ni ng and
keepi ng customers.
Instant Rapport
Mi chael Brooks, Warner Books, 1989.
A broad overvi ew of rapport and anchori ng skills.
What They Don't Teach You in Sales 101
Steven Drozdek, Jos eph Yeager and Li nda Sommer, Mc Gr aw Hi l l ,
1991.
One of the best and most comprehensi ve appl i cati ons of NLP to sales.
Incl udes an excel l ent secti on on ' keepi ng yourself goi ng' .
Making the Message Clear
James Eicher, Gri nder DeLozi er Associ ates, 1987,
NLP appl i ed t o busi ness, mai nl y t o do wi th verbal communi cat i on.
Precision: A New Approach to Communication
John Gri nder and Mi chael McMast er, Preci si on Model s , 1980.
A systemati c format for gat heri ng i nformati on. The book is desi gned
to i mprove busi ness pl anni ng, management and meet i ngs.
Influencing With Integrity
Geni e Laborde, Synt ony Publ i shi ng Co. , 1984.
Subti tl ed ' Management skills for communi cat i on and negoti ati on' , i t
is a fine i nt roduct i on to NLP in a busi ness context. Cl earl y wri tten,
i t covers such matters as out comes, rapport, acui ty and fl exi bi l i ty and
their appl i cati ons i n meet i ngs and negoti ati on.
90 Days to Communications Excellence
Geni e Laborde, Synt ony Publ i shi ng Co. , 1985.
A compani on workbook to go wi th Influencing with Integrity, it breaks
down sensory acui t y and pattern recogni t i on i nt o smal l l earnabl e
chunks.
Rapport on the Telephone
Geni e Laborde, Synt ony Publ i shi ng Co. , 1991.
Des i gned as a not epad, each page contai ns a separate skill, from
setti ng out comes t o paci ng and l eadi ng, and gat heri ng referrals.
Si mpl e use of NLP on the t el ephone.
Performance Management
Mi chael McMast er, Met amorphous Press, 1986.
Communi c at i on and trai ni ng i n management usi ng NLP together
wi t h other approaches.
Unlimited Selling Power
D. Moi ne and K. Lloyd, Prent i ce- Hal l , 1990.
Subti tl ed ' How to Mas t er Hypnot i c Sel l i ng Strategies', this i s
basi cal l y the Mi l t on Mode l for sal espeopl e.
Modern Persuasion Strategies
J. Mo i ne and J. Herd, Prenti ce-Hal l , 1985.
One of the best books on personal i nfl uence i n t he sales context. A
clear i ntroducti on to the t heme of hypnoti c l anguage patterns i n
everyday life.
No Experience Necessary
Scott Nel son, Me t a Publ i cati ons, 1990.
Techni ques for succeedi ng in tel emarketi ng.
The Magic of Rapport
J. Ri chardson and J Margoul i s, Met a Publ i cati ons, 1988.
Deal s wi t h rapport bui l di ng and hypnoti c persuasi on techni ques.
Saks: The Mind's Side
Jame s E. Robert son, Met amorphous Press, 1989.
Sports psychol ogy and ment al t rai ni ng as i t appl i es to sales. Focuses
more on the sal esperson than selling strategies.
E D U C A T I ON
Master Teaching Techniques
B. Cl evel and, Connect i ng Li nk Press, 1984.
Workbook format for teachers to apply the basi c t echni ques of NLP
in the cl assroom. The exercises in the book are best practised wi t h
small groups.
Righting the Educational Conveyor Belt
Mi chael Gri nder, Met amorphous Press, 1989.
A good, detai l ed appl i cati on of parts of NLP to cl assroom teachi ng.
A very useful, i nteresti ng and practical book.
Meta-Cation: Prescriptions for Some Ailing Educational Processes
Sid Jacobs en, Me t a Publ i cati ons, 1983.
NLP i deas such as metaphor, anchors, representati onal systems and
gui ded fantasy appl i ed to i ndi vi dual educat i onal counsel l i ng.
Meta-Cation 2
Si d Jacobsen, Met a Publ i cati ons, 1987.
Compani on book gi vi ng further appl i cati ons and devel opment s of
Vol ume 1.
Mela-Cation 3
Sid Jacobsen, Me t a Publ i cati ons, 1988.
Compani on book gi vi ng further appl i cati ons and devel opment s of
Vol umes 1 and 2.
Super-Teaching
Eric P. Jens en, Turni ng Point for Teachers, 1988.
A workbook of NLP, accel erated l earni ng and other techni ques for use
in the cl assroom, wi th many practical tips.
Classroom Magic
Li nda Ll oyd, Met amorphous Press, 1989.
Appl i es NLP skills to pri mary school cl assroom t eachi ng in a series
of daily lesson pl ans. Presents many i deas to devel op chi l dren' s
l earni ng skills.
Listening Skills in Musk
Joseph O' Connor, Lambent Books, 1989.
The results of model l i ng tal ented musi ci ans, full account of the
strategy for musi cal me mor y and how to teach it. Incl udes a vi deo of
the model l i ng process.
Not Pulling Strings
Joseph O' Connor, Lambent Books, 1987.
A book about l earni ng and t eachi ng musi c. Expl ai ns and uses basi c
NLP ideas of rapport, representati onal systems and sub-modal i ti es.
The Carnival
D. Spence, Southern Insti tute Press, 1987.
A story i ncorporati ng NLP techni ques, desi gned to i ntroduce NLP
i deas to chi l dren.
HE AL TH A N D T HE R AP Y
Virginia Satir: The Patterns of her Magk
Steve Andreas, Sci ence and Behavi our, 1992.
A full transcript of Vi rgi ni a Sati r worki ng wi th ' forgi vi ng parents'.
Incl udes detai l ed comment ary and hi ghl i ght s many patterns.
Metamedicine
Vi da Baron, Barez Publ i shi ng Company, 1990.
Si mpl e and basi c NLP frames appl i ed t o medi ci ne.
Solutions
L. Cameron- Bandl er, FuturePace Inc. , 1985.
Thi s is a revised and expanded edi ti on of They LivedHappily Ever After. Cl ear
and detai l ed appl i cati on of NLP t o sexual and rel ati onshi p probl ems.
Beliefs: Pathways to Health and WeUbeing
Robert Di l ts, Real Peopl e Press, 1990.
A book aptl y descri bed by the title, about how your beliefs affect your
heal th.
Therapeutic Metaphors
Davi d Gordon, Met a Publ i cat i ons, 1978.
Presents a model for generat i ng powerful met aphors to hel p peopl e
get in t ouch wi th their resources. Ways of uti l i zi ng synesthesi a,
representati onal syst ems and submodal i ti es are i ncl uded.
Patterns of Hypnotic Techniques of Milton H Erickson M.D., Volume 1
John Gri nder and Ri chard Bandier, Met a Publ i cat i ons, 1975.
Cl ear exposi t i on of the artfully vague l anguage patterns used by
Mi l t on Eri ckson. Basi c trance i nduct i on of paci ng and l eadi ng,
di stracti ng the domi nant hemi sphere and accessi ng the non- domi nant
hemi sphere i s expl ai ned. Incl udes a sessi on of Eri ckson worki ng wi th
Al dous Huxl ey. The second NLP book t o be publ i shed.
Patterns of Hypnotic Techniques of Milton H. Erickson M.D., Wume 2
John Gri nder, Ri chard Bandier, Judi t h DeLozi er, Met a Publ i cati ons,
1977.
Compani on to Volume 1, more techni cal and detai l ed, wi th transcripts
of Eri ckson worki ng wi th clients.
Irresistible Communication: Creative Skills jbr the Health Professional
Mark Ki ng, Larry Novi ck and Charl es Ci t renbaum, W. B. Saunders
& Co. , 1983.
Cl ear and practical i ntroducti on t o NLP and communi cat i on for
doctors, nurses and social workers.
Get the Results You Want: A Systemic Approach to NLP
K. Kostere and L. Mal atests, Met amorphous Press, 1985.
A de ar i ntroducti on to NLP for therapists wi th transcri pts of client
sessions.
Maps, Models and the Structure of Reality
K. Kostere and L. Mal at est a, Met amorphous Press, 1992.
A fairly strai ghtforward expl orat i on of t he phi l osophi cal under-
pi nni ngs of NLP and how they relate to the use of the techni ques.
Practical Magic
St even Lankt on, Me t a Publ i cati ons, 1980,
Subti tl ed ' A transl ati on of basic NLP i nto clinical psychotherapy' .
Deal s wi t h rapport, representati onal systems, anchors, the Me t a
Model , strategies, trance and met aphors appl i ed to psychotherapy.
Facticity: A Door to Mental Health and Beyond
Ragi ni El i zabeth Mi chael s, Facticity Trai ni ngs, 1991.
A book on recogni zi ng and i nt egrat i ng the l i ght and dark aspects of
our personality.
Changing With Familk-t
Vi rgi ni a Satir, John Gri nder and Ri chard Bandier, Sci ence and
Behavi our Books, 1976.
Excel l ent descri pti ons of Vi rgi ni a Sati r' s work. Sort i ng repre-
sentati onal systems i n families and non-verbal behavi our are
extensi vel y dealt with,
Ttbur Balancing Act: Discovering New Life through Five Dimensions of H&tlness
Carol yn Taylor, Met amorphous Press, 1988.
Presents a model of heal th t hrough bel i ef systems. The five areas are
physi cal , mental , emot i onal , social and spiritual. Makes great use of
the Di s ney character, Ji mi ny Cri cket,
N L P R E S OUR CE S G U I D E
If you are i nt erest ed in buying NLP books, audi ot apes or videos, please
cont act John Seymour Associat es and we will be pleased t o send you an
up- t o- dat e list of suppliers in t he UK.
Suppliers, if you ward to ensure that you are on the list, please contact us.
John Seymour Associ ates
I NLP2
17 Boyce Dri ve
St Werburghs
Bristol
BS2 9XQ.
Tel: 0272 557827
For i nternati onal calls, dial 44 272 557827
Fax: 0272 413004
C o m p u t e r N e t w o r k i n g
Compuserve
The NLP secti on on Compuserve Inf ormat i on Servi ce ( CIS) , the
i nternati onal bul l eti n board, is growi ng rapidly. It has a secti on to
itself in the AIExpert Forum.
For detai l s of CI S i n the UK tel ephone: 0800 289458
or wri te to: 15-16 Lower Park Row
PO Box 676
Bristol
BS99 1YN
O utside the UK
Cont act nati onal associ ati ons or local trai ni ng centres for i nf ormat i on
on resources.
N L P GL OS S ARY
Accessing Cues The ways we tune our bodi es by breathi ng, posture,
gesture and eye movement s to think i n certai n ways.
' As-If Frame Pret endi ng that some event has happened, so thi nki ng
'as i f i t had occurred, encourages creative probl em-
sol vi ng by ment al l y goi ng beyond apparent obstacles to
desi red sol uti ons.
Analogue Cont i nuous l y vari abl e bet ween l i mi ts, like a di mmer
swi tch for a light.
Anchoring The process by whi ch any st i mul us or representati on
(external or internal) gets connect ed to and triggers a
response. Anchors can occur natural l y or be set up
intentionally.
Associated Insi de an experi ence, seei ng through your own eyes,
fully in your senses.
Auditory To do wi th the sense of heari ng.
Backtrack To review or summari ze, usi ng another' s key words and
tonalities,
Behaviour Any activity that we engage i n, i ncl udi ng t hought
processes.
Beliefs The general i zati ons we make about the worl d and our
operat i ng principles in it.
Calibration Accuratel y recogni zi ng another person' s state by
readi ng non-verbal signals.
Capability A successful strategy for carryi ng out a task.
Chunking or Changi ng your percepti on by goi ng up or down a
Stepping logical level. St eppi ng up is goi ng up to a level that
i ncl udes what you are studyi ng. St eppi ng down i s goi ng
to a level bel ow for a more specific exampl e of what you
are studyi ng. Thi s can be done on the basis of me mbe r
and class, or part and whol e.
Complex Two statements that are consi dered to mean the same
Equivalence thi ng, e.g. ' He is not l ooki ng at me, so he is not l i steni ng
to what I say.'
Congruence State of bei ng uni fi ed, and compl et el y si ncere, wi th all
aspects of a person worki ng together toward an
out come.
Conscious Anyt hi ng i n present mome nt awareness.
Content Taki ng a statement and gi vi ng it anot her meani ng,
Reframing by focusi ng on another part of the cont ent , aski ng,
' What el se coul d this mean?'
Context Changi ng the context of a st at ement to give it another
Reframing meani ng, by aski ng, ' Where woul d thi s be an
appropri ate response?'
Conversational Hypnot i c form of l anguage, a quest i on that is
Postulate i nterpreted as a command.
Criterion What is i mportant to you in a particular context.
Cross over Mat chi ng a person' s body l anguage wi th a different
Mirroring type of movement , e.g. t appi ng your foot in t i me to
their speech rhythm.
Deep Structure The compl ete l i ngui sti c form of a st at ement from whi ch
the surface structure is derived.
Deletion In speech or t hought , mi ssi ng out a porti on of an
experi ence.
Digital Varyi ng bet ween two different states like a light swi tch
that must be on or off.
Dissociated Not in an experi ence, seei ng or heari ng it from the
outside.
Distortion The process by whi ch s omet hi ng i s i naccuratel y
represented in internal experi ence in a l i mi ti ng way.
Dovetailing The process of fitting together different out comes,
O utcomes opt i mi zi ng sol uti ons. The basi s of wi n- wi n
negoti ati ons.
Downtime In a light trance state wi th your attenti on inwards to
your own thoughts and feel i ngs.
Ecology A concern for the overall rel ati onshi p bet ween a bei ng
and its envi ronment . Al so used in reference to internal
ecol ogy; the overall rel ati onshi p bet ween a person and
their thoughts, strategies, behavi ours, capabi l i ti es,
values and beliefs. The dynami c bal ance of el ement s i n
any system.
Elicitation Evoki ng a state by your behavi our. Al so gatheri ng
i nformati on ei t her by direct observati on of non-verbal
si gnal s or by aski ng Met a Model questi ons.
Eye Accessing Movement s of the eyes in certai n di recti ons whi ch
Cues i ndi cate vi sual , audi tory or kinesthetic thi nki ng.
Epistemology The study of how we know what we know.
First Ivsition Percei vi ng the worl d from your own poi nt of vi ew only.
Bei ng i n touch wi th your own i nner real i ty One of three
different Perceptual Positions, the others bei ng Second
and Thi rd Posi ti on.
Frame Set a cont ext or way or percei vi ng somet hi ng as in
Out c ome Frame, Rapport Frame, Backtrack Frame,
etc.
Future Pace Ment al l y rehearsi ng an out come to ensure that the
desi red behavi our will occur.
Generalization The process by whi ch one specific experi ence comes to
represent a whol e class of experi ences.
Gustatory To do with the sense of taste.
Identity Your sel f-i mage or sel f-concept. Wh o you take yourself
to be. The totality of your bei ng.
Incongruence State of havi ng reservations, not totally commi t t ed to
an out come, the i nternal conflict will be expressed in
the person' s behavi our.
Intention The purpose, the desi red out come of an acti on.
Internal Patterns of i nf ormat i on we create and store in our
Representations mi nds in combi nat i ons of i mages, sounds, feelings,
smel l s and tastes.
Kinesthetic The feel i ng sense, tactile sensati ons and interna!
feelings such as remembered sensati ons, emot i ons, and
the sense of bal ance.
Leading Changi ng your own behavi ours with enough rapport
for the other person to follow.
Lead System The representati onal system that finds i nformati on to
i nput i nto consci ousness.
Logical Level Somet hi ng will be on a hi gher logical level if it i ncl udes
somet hi ng on a lower level.
Map of Reality ( Model of the Worl d) Each person' s uni que
representati on of the worl d built from his or her
i ndi vi dual percepti ons and experi ences.
Matching Adopt i ng parts of anot her person' s behavi our for the
purpose of enhanci ng rapport.
Meta Exi st i ng at a different logical level to s omet hi ng else.
Deri ved from Greek, me ani ng over and beyond.
Metacognition Knowi ng about knowi ng: havi ng a skill, and the
knowl edge about i t to expl ai n how you do it.
Meta Model A model that identifies l anguage patterns that obscure
me ani ng i n a communi cat i on through the processes of
di storti on, del eti on and general i zati on, and specific
questi ons to clarify and chal l enge i mpreci se l anguage
to connect i t back to sensory experi ence and the deep
structure.
Metaphor Indi rect communi cat i on by a story or figure of speech
i mpl yi ng a compari son. In NLP met aphor covers
si mi l es, parables and allegories.
Metaprograms Habi t ual and systemati c fi l ters we put on our
experi ence.
Milton Model The inverse of the Me t a Model , usi ng artfully vague
l anguage patterns to pace anot her person's experi ence
and access unconsci ous resources.
Mirroring Preci sel y mat chi ng porti ons of anot her person's
behavi our.
Mismatching Adopt i ng different patterns of behavi our to another
person, breaki ng rapport for the purpose of redi recti ng,
i nterrupti ng or t ermi nat i ng a meet i ng or conversati on.
Modal O perator A l i ngui sti c term for rules (shoul d, ought , etc. )
of Necessity
Modal O perator A l i ngui sti c term for words that denot e what is
of Possibility consi dered possi bl e (can, cannot , etc. ).
Model A practical descri pti on of how somet hi ng works, whose
24-4 Iniwducing Neuro-Linguistk Programming
Modelling
Model of the
World ( Ma p
of Real i ty)
Multiple
Description
Neuro-
Linguistic
Programming
Neurological
Levels
purpose i s to be useful. A general i zed, del et ed or
di storted copy.
The process of di scerni ng the sequence of i deas and
behavi our that enabl e s omeone to accompl i sh a task.
The basi s of accel erated l earni ng.
Each person' s uni que representati on of the world built
from hi s or her i ndi vi dual percept i ons and experi ences.
The s um total of an i ndi vi dual ' s personal operati ng
pri nci pl es.
The process of descri bi ng the same t hi ng from different
vi ewpoi nt s.
The study of excel l ence and a model of how i ndi vi dual s
structure their experi ence.
Al so known as the different logical levels of experi ence:
envi ronment , behavi our, capability, belief, i denti ty and
spiritual.
New Code A descri pti on of NLP that comes from the work of John
Gri nder and Judi t h DeLozi er in thei r book Turtles All the
Wxy Down.
Nominalization Li ngui sti c term for the process of t urni ng a verb i nto
an abstract noun, and the word for the noun so formed.
To do wi th the sense of smell. O lfactory
O utcome
O verlap
Pacing
Parts
Perceptual
Filters
A specific, sensory- based, desi red result that meet s the
wel l -formedness criteria.
Us i ng one representati onal system to gai n access to
another, for exampl e, pi cturi ng a scene and then
heari ng the sounds i n it.
Gai ni ng and mai nt ai ni ng rapport with another person
over a peri od of ti me by j oi ni ng them in thei r model of
the worl d. You can pace beliefs and i deas as wel l as
behavi our.
Sub-personal i ti es wi t h i ntenti ons, somet i mes con-
flicting.
The uni que i deas, experi ences, beliefs and l anguage
that shape our model of the world.
Perceptual The vi ewpoi nt we are aware of at any mome nt can be
Position our own (First Posi ti on), s omeone el se' s ( Second
Posi ti on), or an objective and benevol ent observer' s
(Thi rd Posi ti on),
Phonological Two words that sound the same, but there/ thei r
Ambiguity difference is pl ai n/ pl ane to see/ sea.
Physiological To do wi th the physical part of a person.
Predicates Sensory- based words that i ndi cate the use of one
representati onal system,
Preferred The representati onal system that an i ndi vi dual
System typi cal l y uses most to thi nk consci ousl y and organi ze
hi s or her experi ence.
Presuppositions Ideas or statements that have to be taken for granted
for a communi cat i on to make sense.
Punctuation Ambi gui t y created by mergi ng two separate sentences
Ambiguity i nto one can always try to make sense of t hem.
Quotes We read a definition of this once that said, ' Li ngui sti c
pattern i n whi ch your mes s age i s expressed as i f by
s omeone else.'
Rapport The process of establ i shi ng and mai nt ai ni ng a
rel ati onshi p of mutual trust and underst andi ng
bet ween two or more peopl e, the ability to generate
responses from another person.
Reframing Changi ng the frame of reference round a statement to
give it another meani ng.
Representation An idea: a codi ng or storage of sensory- based
i nformati on i n the mi nd.
Representation Ho w we code i nf ormat i on i n our mi nds i n one or
System more of the five sensory systems: Vi sual , Auditory,
Ki nestheti c, Ol factory (smel l ) and Gust at ory (taste).
Requisite Fl exi bi l i ty of thought and behaviour.
Variety
Resources Any means that can be brought to bear to achi eve an
out come: physiology, states, t hought s, strategies,
experi ences, peopl e, events or possessi ons.
Resourceful The total neurol ogi cal and physical experi ence when
State a person feels resourceful.
Second Position Percei vi ng the world from another person' s poi nt of
view. Bei ng i n t une and i n touch wi th their reality. One
of three different Perceptual Positions, the others bei ng
First and Thi rd Position.
Sensory Acuity The process of l earni ng to make finer and more useful
di sti ncti ons about the sense i nformati on we get from
the worl d.
Sensory-Based
Description
State
Stepping
Strategy
Submodality
Surface
Structure
Synesthesia
Syntactic
Ambiguity
Third Position
Timeline
Trance
Informati on that is di recdy observabl e and verifiable
by the senses. It is the difference bet ween ' The lips are
pulled taut, s ome parts of her teeth are showi ng and the
edges of her mout h are hi gher than the mai n l i ne of her
mout h' and ' She' s happy' - whi ch is an i nterpretati on.
How you feel, your mood. The s um total of all
neurol ogi cal and physical processes wi t hi n an
i ndi vi dual at any mome nt i n ti me. The state we are i n
affects our capabi l i ti es and interpretation of
experi ence.
See Chunking,
A sequence of thought and behavi our to obtai n a
parti cul ar out come.
Di st i nct i ons wi thi n each representati onal system,
qual i ti es of our internal representati ons, the smal l est
bui l di ng blocks of our thoughts.
Linguistic term tor the spoken or written
communi cat i on that has been deri ved from the deep
struture by del eti on, di storti on and general i zati on.
Aut omat i c link from one sense to another.
Ambi guous sent ence where a verb pl us ' i ng' can serve
either as an adjective or a verb, e.g. Infl uenci ng peopl e
can make a difference.
Percei vi ng the worl d from the vi ewpoi nt of a detached
and benevol ent observer. One of three different
Perceptual Positions, the others bei ng First and Second
Posi ti on.
The way we store pictures, sounds and feelings of our
past, present and future.
An altered state wi th an inward focus of attenti on on
a few sti mul i .
Triple The process of percei vi ng experi ence through First,
Description Second and Thi rd Posi ti ons.
Unconscious Everythi ng that is not in your present moment
awareness.
Unified Field The uni fyi ng framework for NLP. A t hree- di mensi onal
matri x of Neurol ogi cal Level s, Perceptual Posi ti ons and
Ti me .
Universal Li ngui sti c term for words such as 'every', and 'all' that
Quantifiers admi t no excepti ons; one of the Me t a Model categori es.
Unspecified Nouns that do not specify to who m or to what they
Nouns refer.
Unspecified Verbs that have the adverb del et ed, they do not say
Verbs how the acti on was carried out. The process is not
specified.
Uptime State where the attenti on and senses are commi t t ed
outwards.
Values What is i mportant to you.
\ktibuiar Representati onal system that deal s wi th the sense of
System bal ance.
Visual To do wi th the sense of sight.
Visualization The process of seei ng i mages i n your mi nd.
mil- A way of t hi nki ng about and expressi ng an out come
Formtdness whi ch makes it both achi evabl e and verifiable. The y are
Criteria the basi s of dovetai l i ng out comes and wi n/ wi n
sol uti ons.
I NDE X
If an entry is starred* it is in the
glossary.
Bold type indicates main reference.
Accessing Cues,* 111, 188
Eye, 3 5 - 9 , 136
Other, 39- 41
Acuity, see Sensory Acuity
Acupuncture, 212
Allegory, 121
Ambiguity, 119
Phonological,* 119
Punctuation* 119
Syntactic* 119
Analogue," 43
Anchoring* 53- 6, 73, 89, 161, 170,
195
Anchoring Resourceful States
Summary, 58- 9
Auditory, 54, 57
Chain, 60, 170
Collapse Anchors Summary,
61-2
Kinesthetic, 54, 56
Resource. 56-9
Stack, 59, 170
Visual, 54, 57
Anthropology, 23
Aristotle, 42
Art, 207
Art Therapy, 30
Assertiveness Training, 207
Associated,* 41- 2, 44, 51, 171
Augustine. St., 208
Bailey, Rodger, 155
Bandier, Richard, 2- 3, 30, 70, 113,
121, 179-80, 202
Basque People, 35
Bateson, Gregory, 2- 3, 13, 68, 75,
113, 180, 205, 208
BATNA, 166
Behavioural Frames, 5-6
Beliefs* 5, 68, 78, 83- 6, 183-4,
185
Biology, 3
Body Language, 16-19, 40
Brain Hemispheres, 118-19
Business, 105-6, 160-1, 201
Butterfly Effect, 69, 207
Calibration,* 52- 3
Cameron-Bandler, Leslie, 155
Capability,* 78, 194
Carroll, Lewis, 10, 83, 87, 93, 110,
113
Cause Effect Distortion, 102- 4,
130
Change Personal History, 62- 4
Summary, 63- 4
Chaos, 207
Chess, 29, 111, 146-8
Chunking,* 146- 8, 165
Outcomes, 13
Communication, 15-19, 67
Comparisons, 93, 117
Complex Equivalence* 100
Compuserve, 239
Conditional Close, 163
Conflict, 141
Congruence* 141-2, 158, 169
Signal. 142
Conscious,* 6, 112, 116, 118
Content, 17, 67, 129
Context, 17, 67, 129
Conversational Postulates,* 120-1
Counselling, 209
Counter Examples, 100-1
Criteria,* 143-6
Cybernetics, 3, 69
Darwin, Charles, 13
Deep Structure,* 91-2
Deletions* 91-2, 107
DeLozier, Judith, 76, 77, 113
Digital* 43
Dilts, Robert, 72, 77, 108, 191, 192,
199
Disney, Walt, 194
Dissociated,* 41, 42, 171
Distortions,* 91, 107
Dolphins, 75
Donne, John, 67
Downside Planning, 160
Downtime,* 111-12
Dreams, 121, 194, 196
Dyslexia, 194
Ecology,* 12, 14, 134, 159
Education, 98, 112, 191-2
Einstein, Albert, 12, 182
EHcitation,* 51-2
Embedded Commands, 119
Embedded Questions, 120
Emotions, 27, 45, 49-50, 53, 207
Environment, 78
Epistemology* 205
Erickson, Milton, 2. 113-14, 121
Eskimos, 88
Evolution, 69, 77
Excellence, 1, 181-2
Eye Accessing Cues, 35- 9
Failure to Feedback, 5, 72- 3
Fairy Tales, 74, 122, 127
Feedback, 5
First Order Change, 170-1
First Position* 76
Flexibility, 9
Frames,* 158-60
As If* 159
Backtrack,* 151, 160, 163
Ecology. 14, 159
Evidence, 159
Outcome, 159
Fuller, Buckminster, 206
Future Pace,* 64- 5, 133, 164, 173,
176
Generalization,' 37, 40, 91- 2, 107
Gestalt. 2, 112, 179
Grinder, John,* 2, 30, 76- 7, 90,
108. 113, 121, 179-80, 202
Groupwork, 209
Habits, 6, 7, 74
Hanuoo People, 89
Hologram, 81, 205
Huxley, Aldous, 25, 59
Hypnotherapy, 113, 212
Identity,* 78
Imagery, see Visualization
Constructed, 36- 7, 196
Remembered, 36-7
Incongruence,* 142- 3, 169
Intention,* 114, 130- 1, 133
Internal Conflict Resolution, 176-8
Internal Dialogue, 28, 107, 197
Intuition, 202
Investing in Yourself, 209-11
Jonson, Ben, 33
Judgements, 94, 117
Jungian Symbolism, 30
Kinesthetic,* 27, 196
Language, 87- 8, 118, 139-40, 202
and Behaviour Profile, 155
Lateral Eye Movements,* 35- 9
Leading,* 21- 3, 134-15
Learning, 6- 8, 71-5, 191
Accelerated, 182, 202-3
Four Stages, 7-8
Language, 202
Levels, 73- 5
Traditional, 7- 8, 182, 202
Linguistics, 88
Logical Level,* 80, 169
Loops, 72
Recursive, 250
Lorenz, Edward, 207
Manipulation, 164
Map of Reality* 4- 5, 25, 45
Matching* 19- 22, 32
Meditation, 209
Meetings, 160-4
Meetings Format Summary, 163
Memory, 43, 189- 92
Mental Rehearsal, 64- 6, 170
Meta,* 90
Meta Model,* 90- 109, 113, 115,
186, 203
Metacognition* 198
Metaphor, 121-6, 207, 208
Metaprograms,* 149- 57
Convincer patterns, 154-5
General-Specific, 152-3
Internal-External, 151-2
Match-Mismatch, 153-4
Metaprogram summary, 156-7
Options-Procedures, 152
Pro active-Reactive, 150-1
Tbwards-Away, 151
Miller, George, 6
Milton Model * 113- 14, 115-18
Mind Reading, 52, 104- 5, 117
Mirroring* 20-1
Cross over, 21
Mismatching* 20
Modal Operators, 96
of Necessity* 9 8 - 9
of Possibility* 96- 7, 118
Model,* 2, 179- 85
Model of the World,* 182
Modelling* 2- 3, 179- 85
in business, 201
Montaigne, Michel de, 131
Mozart, Wolfgang Amadeus, 189
Multiple Description* 76-7
Music, 88, 120, 122, 188-9
Negotiation, 164-8
Neurological Levels,* 77-82
Neurology, 3, 27, 35, 189, 197
New Behaviour,Generator, 656,
129, 170
New Code,* 77
NLP*
Applications, 2
Definition, 1, 15
Metaphor, 208
Model, 5
New Code,* 77
Origin, 2, 179, 202
Place in Culture, 208
Presuppositions, 4- 6, 8- 9, 101-2
Purpose, 16
Training, 55, 212-13
Nominalizations,* 95- 6, 116
O'Connor, Joseph, 254
Orwell, George, 95
Outcome,* 9, 10- 14, 106, 128, 159
Dovetailing,* 164
Well formed,* 10, 157
Wellformedness Criteria,* 10-14
Overlap,* 33- 5
Pacing,* 21-3, 114-15
Parable, 121
Parts* 131- 4, 176-8
Perceptual Filters,* 5, 25, 76, 83- 4,
185, 211
Perceptual Position,* 76-7
Perls, Fritz, 2, 90, 97, 181
Personal Development, 1, 134,
209-10
Persona] History, 80, 112
Phobia, 171
Phobia Cure, 171-4
Physiology,* 49- 53, 182, 184, 197
Picasso, Pablo, 4
Pink Floyd, 180
Pituitary, 70
Placebo, 84
Positive Intention, 22, 72, 114,
130- 2, J77
Predicates,* 31- 2, 46- 8, 186
Presuppositions* 101- 2, 117
Proprioceptive, 27
Prosperity Consciousness, 209
Psychoanalysis, 30, 112
Psychosomatic Symptom, 132
Psychotherapy, 2, 112, 169, 209
Pygmalion Effect, 84
Quantum Physics, 207
Questions for Eye Accessing Cues,
37- 8
Quotes,* 120
Rapport* 19- 21, 32, 76, 107, 114,
162, 167
Rebirthing, 209
Recursion, 200
Reframing* 126-34
Content,* 129
Context* 129
Six step, 131-4
Relationship Training, 209
Relaxation, 88, 115
Relevancy Challenge, 162
Representation* 27
Representational System,* 26- 39,
68, 77, 186, 198
Auditory* 27, 42, 46- 7
External Lead System, 27
Gustatory* 27, 46- 8
Input, 33
Internal Lead System, 32- 3
Kinesthetic,* 27, 42- 3, 46- 8
Lead,* 32
Olfactory,* 28, 46, 48
Preferred,* 29- 30, 112
Strategies, 186-8
Vestibular, 28
Visual, 27, 42, 46
Requisite Variety,* 72
Resources,* 11, 14, 56- 60, 114
Rodin, Auguste, 40
Russell, Peter, 209
Santa Cruz, 2- 3, 108, 179
Satir, Virginia, 2, 69, 90, 180, 181
Schizophrenia, 3
Second Order Change, 176
Second Position* 76, 200
Secondary Gain, 134, 176
Self-Fulfilling Prophecies, 84, 100
Selling, 143, 157-8, 212
Senses, 25, 186
Feeling, 3, 25
Hearing, 3, 25
Sight, 3, 25
Smell, 3, 25
Taste, 3, 25
Sensory Acuity,* 8-9, 26
Sensory-Based Description,* 31-2,
104
Seymour, John, 254- 5
Shaw, George Bernard, 13
Signal, 9, 58, 59, 66, 115
Congruency, 142
Incongruence 142-3
Involuntary, 132-4
Similes, 121
Sleight of Mouth, 128
Spiritual, 78
Spitzer, Bob, 179
Squash, 127
Stage Fright, 170
State,* 49, 103, 111
Break, 50
Change, 50
Desired, 15- 16, 71
Present, 15- 16, 50, 71
Resourceful,* 50, 5 6 - 9
Stepping, see Chunking
Stories, 121
Strategies,* 185-8
Buying, 187
Creativity, 194-8
Going to sleep, 187-8
Learning, 187, 191
Memory, 190-2
Motivation, 187
Music, 188-9
Spelling, 192-4
Stress Management, 209
Swish Pattern, 174-6
Submodalities,* 41- 5, 68, 73, 135,
146, 186, 193, 202, 203
Critical, 43, 136, 174-5
Surface Structure,* 91
Synesthesia,* 33- 5
Systems, 12, 67- 70
Tai Chi, 209
Talent, 181
Telephone Position, 40
Third Position * 76
Time, 79-80, 134, 137
Timeline,* 134-40
In Time, 137-8
Through Time, 137-8
Tonal Marking, 108- 9, 119
Tonality, 17, 19
TOTE, 71, 200
Training, 201, 212-13
Trance,* 111-21, 134
Transactional Analysis, 209
Transference, 129
Transformational Grammar, 92
Transitions, 114-15
Translation, 34- 5
Triple Description,* 76-7
Trying, 68
Twain, Mark, 131
Unconscious* 6, 27, 31, 53,
113-18, 119-21, 132
Unified Field,* 77-81
Universal Quantifiers,' 99- 101, 117
Unspecified Nouns,* 9 2 - 3
Unspecified Verbs,' 9 3 - 4 , 117
Uptime,* 111-12
Values, 143-6
Visual* 27
Visual Squash, 177-8
Visualization,* 27, 44, 111, 118, 188
V/K Dissociation, set Phobia Cure
Voice Matching, 20
Wisdom, 68, 77, 159, 208
Yoga, 209
A B O U T T HE A U T H O R S
J o s e ph O' Co nno r i s a writer, trai ner and musi ci an. He i s particularly
i nterested i n appl yi ng NLP t o educat i on, musi c and perf ormi ng arts.
He runs t rai ni ng courses for musi ci ans and trains NLP courses wi t h
John Seymour Associ ates. He i s a l i centi ate of the Royal Academy of
Mus i c and has a BSc in anthropol ogy.
Jos eph trai ned i n NLP wi th John Gri nder, Robert Di l ts and
Charl otte Bretto.
Hi s book Not Pulling Strings is about l earni ng and draws on hi s
experi ence of t eachi ng and pl ayi ng the guitar. He has done original
research on model l i ng tal ented musi ci ans at the Yehudi Me nuhi n
School , resul ti ng in a vi deo (Listening Skills in Music) showi ng how to
i mprove the aural skills of anyone l earni ng musi c.
He has al so been engaged i n a project to model t he act i ng skills of
me mbe r s of the Royal Shakespeare Company.
Jos eph i s a di rector of the Sports Performance Insti tute, whi ch uses
NLP i n ment al t rai ni ng for athletes. He has done a model l i ng project
wi th top j uni or tenni s players i n London.
He i s currentl y worki ng wi th J o hn on their next book deal i ng with
NLP, trai ni ng and presentati on skills.
Jos eph' s mai n interest i s maki ng l earni ng i n any area as easy,
enjoyabl e, fast and effective as possi bl e. Hi s other interests i ncl ude
travel, squash and chess. He i s marri ed wi t h two daughters and lives
i n London.
For further i nf ormat i on on courses and semi nars write to:
Lambent Books
4 Coombe Gardens
New Mai den
Surrey
KT3 4AA
Uni t e d Ki ngdom
J o hn Se ymour started John Seymour Associ ates i n 1985 t o provi de
comprehensi ve NLP t rai ni ng courses of quality. He also provides NLP
t rai ni ng at nati onal level for bot h the heal th and educat i on services.
John did hi s initial NLP trai ni ng wi th John Gri nder at the
Uni versi t y of Cal i forni a, Sant a Cruz, i n 1984 to practi ti oner level, and
wi th Ri chard Bandi er i n 1985 to master practi ti oner level. He has
worked professionally as an NLP trainer since then, gi vi ng hundreds
of semi nars and i nt roduci ng t housands of peopl e to NLP.
Before that, hi s vari ed career has i ncl uded t eachi ng and l ecturi ng,
f oundi ng an experi ment al communi t y, desi gni ng and bui l di ng a low-
energy house, counsel l i ng and personal devel opment workshops.
He has a degree i n bi ol ogy, two postgraduate di pl omas i n educat i on
and one i n appl i ed humani st i c psychol ogy. He i s fascinated by the
processes of creati ng a better world for all.
He i s currentl y worki ng with Jos eph on a new book about NLP and
trai ni ng skills.
John can be contacted at the address below.
J o hn Se ymour Associ at es
We are a network of associ ates who bel i eve that NLP represents the
shape of thi ngs to come i n human resource devel opment . Our ai m i s
to provi de the highest qual i ty and best value for money NLP training,
We bel i eve passi onat el y in creati ng a better world for all. Servi ces
i ncl ude:
free brochure for i nformati on on NLP semi nars and courses
regul ar NLP newsl etter
regular NLP trai ni ng i n London, Bristol and Manchest er
practitioner, master practi ti oner and trainer's trai ni ngs
fully recogni zed by ANL P
i n- house trai ni ng and consul t i ng for organi zati ons
di stance l earni ng books and tapes (currentl y under devel opment )
For further hel p pl ease contact us at:
John Seymour Associ ates
I NLP2
17 Boyce Dri ve
St Werburghs
Bristol
BS2 9XQ.
Uni t ed Ki ngdom
Tel: 0272 557827
For i nternati onal calls, dial 44 272 557827
Fax: 0272 413004