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Vivid Language
EQ::How can I avoid using
overused/vague words, said, and very?
How can we SHOW how this
happened?
Mary spilled her can of
soda.

Where would the soda be?
How did it spill?
If it was in her handWhich hand?
What did she do?
Before going on to the next
slide, try to add details to the
sentence that would SHOW.


Answer questions like

Example: Mary stood with a
can of soda in her left hand.
She leaned over to take a
cupcake out of the fridge but
tripped over that crack in the
tile floor. The
soda spilled down her new
white dress

Do not change the basic
meaning of the sentence.


Good writers let us see people and ideas in action rather
than depend on qualifiers.
They give us specifics: strong nouns, precise verbs, actions
we can see and hear, reactions we can feel.

An apple is big, red, round, crisp, shiny, and juicy.
Unless this is a commercial for McIntosh apples, so what?

Instead, a writer would try to show something about the
apple only if theres something to be shownif a quality of
the apple reflects some meaning in the sentence or story.

For example:
I gobbled the green apples, I found in the clearing.
Now we have specific: hunger, unripe apples, a forest
setting: now the apple beings to have a significance we can
understand
Good writers search for the
best word to convey their
meaning without settling for
vague, inaccurate descriptions.
In fact, to arrive at show, dont
tell writing, writers must often
travel through many rounds of
revision.
Weak:
I drank the soda, and it was delicious.


Strong:
I took a sip, and to my surprise, sweet
refreshing bubbles tickled the inside of my
mouth.



Revision Practice: Instead of settling for
general, overused verbs and adjectives, take
the time to find precise, vivid examples.

Task: In the draft of your narrative, focus on your
choice of words.
Follow these steps as you write and read your work:
1. When you come to a word that seems dull, weak,
or vague, circle it.
2. When you have read through your entire draft,
challenge yourself to replace each circled word
with a more vivid alternative.

3. Select verbs from sentences and brainstorm
alternatives.
Example: walked
Instead - sauntered, strutted, ambled
Example: ran
Instead sped, dashed
Tips for Success When Choosing Words:
Avoid unclear, vague words.
Use words that appeal to the senses: colors, sounds, smells,
touch sensations.
Example: scalding instead of hot
Chuckle instead of laugh
Teal instead of blue

Use the most specific synonym possible.
Example: sprint instead of move
Explain instead of said

Replace confusing pronouns with the actual word the
pronoun represents.
Example: The students completed many homework
assignments before they caught on fire.
*Replace they with the assignments.
SAID IS DEAD!
(PDF of alternative words)

Practice: Replace the word
said with a stronger
word.
Then add details to the
sentence to make it more
descriptive.
1. I dont want to go with you! she said as
she turned and walked away from him.
2. He turned to his neighbor and said. this is
so lame right after being told to work
silently.
3. I cant talk right now he said into his
phone as he looked around the corner.
Quotes about VERY
Substitute damn every time youre inclined to write very;
your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it
should be. ~Mark Twain

'Very' is the most useless word in the English language and
can always come out. More than useless, it is treacherous
because it invariably weakens what it is intended to
strengthen. ~Florence King

So avoid using the word very because its lazy. A man is
not very tired, he is exhausted. Dont use very sad, use
morose. Language was invented for one reason, boys - to
woo women - and, in that endeavor, laziness will not do. It
also wont do in your essays. ~N.H. Kleinbaum

Based on the quotes, why
should you avoid very?

Practice:
1. He has a very nice personality
List four better words or phrases to describe what makes his
personality nice.

2. I have a very bad pain in my leg.
List four better words or phrases to describe the kind of
very bad pain in my leg.

3. She has very ugly hair.
List four better words or phrases to describe very ugly hair.

4. I saw a very good movie over the weekend.
List four better words or phrases to describe the very good
movie.
Homework: More practice!
Select a song you know and use it as a story starter.
Youre narrating at least 2 detailed paragraphs.

What is the story that inspired the song?
Who is the song about (characters)
Whats happening to them (Conflict)

DO NOT simply write down the music video YOU
are making YOUR own story!
At the top of your paper, include the song title with
your heading.