ABUSIVENESS

THE MEANING. :

ABUSE IS A COMPLEX SUBJECT. WHAT FURTHER COMPLICATES IT IS THE FACT THAT THERE
ARE SO MANY FORMS OF ABUSE.

tHERE IS SEXUAL ABUSE - INCEST, RAPE SEXUAL LENT ABUSE - PHYSICAL INJURY TO
SPOUSE, CHILDREN OR THE AGED.
DOMESTIC ABUSE - VERBAL ABUSE, PHYSICAL INJURY TO SPOUSE, CHILDREN, OR THE AGED.

PSYCHO-EMOTIONAL ABUSE TOGETHER WITH VERBAL ABUSE IS NEGLECT. ETC ETC.

ONE GREAT OBSTACLE TO RECOGNIING AND COMBATTING ABUSE IS THE LACK OF A CLEAR
DEFINITION.
WHAT IS ABUSE?

WHEN IS BEHAVIOR TOWARD SOMEONE ABUSIVE?

ABUSE, IN MY DIFINITION, IS WHEN PERSON A USES HIS/HER POWER OR HIS POSITION AND
AUTHORITY TO FORCE PERSON B TO PERFORM IN ORDER TO MEET THE NEEDS OF PERSON A.

MOST PEOPLE DEFINE ABUSE ONLY AS HITTING OR MOLESTING. THEY OVERLOOK ALL THE
SUBTLE AND SOMETIMES MORE DAMAGING FORMS OF ABUSE. BY DEFINITION, WHEN A PARENT
USES, HIS OR HER AUTHORITY OR POWER SOLELY TO CONTROL A CHILD TO ACT IN A WAY THAT
MEETS THE INNER NEED OF THE PARENT, IT IS ALSO ABUSE. IT IS ABUSE WHETHER THEY
CONTROL THROUGH THE USE OF VIOLENCE, A LOUD VOICE, THREATS, MANIPULATION, OR EVEN
THROUGH BIBLE VERSES.
THE SAME FOR A MAN / SPOUSE TOWARDS THE OTHER SPOUSE.

THERE ARE SEVERAL ISSUES AT WORK WITHIN THE PERPETRATOR OF ABUSE :-

HIS OWN SHAME;

HIS UNMET NEEDS;
HIS LACK OF APPROPRIATE SKILL IN MEETING HIS NEEDS;
HIS STRUGGLE TO SEEEK SOME EXTERNAL MEANS;
THE PERFORMANCE OR BEHAVIOR OF SOMEONE ELSE
TO ERASE OR TEMPORAILY FORGET HIS OWN INNER SENSE OF DEFECTIVENESS.

THE FLAW IN THIS METHOD IS THAT NO ONE'S SHAME CAN BE ERADICATED BY THE
PERFORMANCE OF ANOTHER. THE SENSE OF BEING FLAWED IS FURTHER COMPOUNDED BY THE
FACT THAT ONCE THE INCIDENT OF ABUSE IS OVER, THE ABUSER EXPERIENCES EVEN MORE
SHAME.

VILENT SEXUAL ABUSE IS AN EXTERNAL EXPRESSION OF THE OFFENDER'S INNER SHAME AND
RAGE AND ANGER AND DESIRE TO PUNISH.
THE SEXUAL ORGAN IS SIMPLY THE WEAPON OF CHOICE, TO GET THE ABOVE MENTIONED OUT.

INCEST IS THE ATTEMPT OF THE OFFENDER TO MEET HIS UNMET NEED FOR LOVE, ACCEPTANCE
AND INTIMACY WITH A PERSON WHO IS LESS ABLE OR WILLING TO REJECT HIM THAN OTHERS
HAVE BEEN.

SEX IS SIMPLY THE MEANS.

COVERT FORMS OF SEXUAL ABUSE (EXHIBITIONISM, VOYERISM) REPRESENT STILL "SAFER"
WAYS FOR OFFENDERS TO ATTEMPT TE MEET NEEDS OR ACTS OUT INNER PAIN. AGAIN, SEX IS
SIMPLY THE METHOD. (BAD REAL PAINFUL FOR THE PERSON WHO IS MOLESTED AND ABUSE)

VILENT PHYSICAL ABUSE IS THE EXTREME ATTEMPT TO CONTROL ANOTHER PERSON.

IT'S SO IMPORTANT TO AN OFFENDER THAT ANOTHER PERSON ACT IN A CERTAIN WAY THAT HE
CONTROLS THAT OTHER PERSON'S ACTIONS BY INFLICTING HARM.
CONTROL IS THE MAIN ISSUE FOR THESE ABUSERS;
THEY ATTEMPT TO PHYSICAL BATTERING, OTHER EXTREMELY DAMAGING ABUSE OCCURS WHEN THE
ABUSER ACTS VIOLENTLY TOWARD PERSONS, PETS OR THE POSSESSIONS OF THE VICTIM.
SEXUAL ACTIVITY AGAINST THE VICTIM'S WILL, BATTERING DURING THE SEX ACT, AND
FORCING SOMEONE TO PERFORM SEXUALLY IN A WAY THAT'S HUMILIATING ARE OTHER FORMS OF
ABUSE.

PSYCHO-EMOTIONAL ABUSE IS IN SOME WAYS, MORE DAMAGING THAN PHYSICAL ABUSE. BLACK
EYES ARE AT LEAST A TANGIBLE EVIDENCE THAT ABUSE HAS OCCURED. WOUNDS TO THE HEART
ARE DEEPER AND INVISIBLE TO OTHERS. AGAIN, THE ATTEMPT TO CNTROL ANOTHER SEEMS TO
BE THE MAIN ISSUE IN THIS TYPE OF ABUSE.

VERBAL ABUSE, THE MOST EASILY RECOGNIZED FORM OF PSYCHO-EMOTIONAL ABUSE, INCLUDES
NAME-CALLING, PUT-DOWNS, COMPARRING TO OTHERS, RASING THE VOICE AND THREATS, OR
JUST FINDING WRONG IN THE PERSON, NOT EXPRESSING KINDNESS OR CARE. (LOTS TO
MENTIONED IN VERBAL ABUSE IT CAN DIFFER).

THERE ARE OTHER MORE SUBLE FORMS OF ABUSE, INCLUDING: DRAWING THE ATTENTION OF
OTHERS TO A PERSON'S MISTAKES IN ORDER TO HUMILIATE HIM/HER THREATENING VIOLENCE;
SWEARING; THREATENING SUICIDE; THREATENING LOSS OF CONTACT WITH IMPORTANT PEOPLE
(I'LLJTAKE THE KIDS") SHAMING THE PERSON FOR WANTING TO IMPROVE HIS/HER SITUATION
(BY GETTING A JOB, GOING TO SCHOOL, ETC) WITHOLDING MONEY FROM A SPOUSE OR BLAMING
HIM/HER FOR A WEAK FINANCIAL SITUATION; CONTANT COMPLAINING BEFORE AND AFTER A
SPOUSE GOES OUT, SO THAT HAVING FRIENDS HARDLY SEEMS WORTH THE HASSLE;
POSSESSIVENESS (MAKING ACCUSATIONS, BADGERING OR EXCESSIVE QUESTIONING, PUNISHING
FOR EYE CONTACT WITH MEMBERS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX, TAKING THE KEYS OR DISTRIBUTOR
CAP FORM THE CAR, (GOODNESS IN MY CASE MY HUSBAND TOOK AWAY THE CARD THAT PAID MY
FOOD ELECTRICITY ETC. OF THE HOUSE) WHAT'S SIGNIFICANT ABOUT THESE KINDS OF ABUSE
IS THAT THEY USSUALLY TAKE THE FORM OF A PROCESS THAT BEGINS SMALL AND INCREASES
OVER A LONG PERIOD OF TIME.

THE MESSAGE:

ABUSE IN WHATEVER FORM, IS EXTREMELY SHAMING. SESUAL ABUSE RELAYS THE MESSAGE:
"MY NEEDS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. YOU ARE SOMEONE TO BE USED, AND IT DOESN'T
MATTER IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT" SEXUAL ABUSE, WHERE THERE IS A "CAN'T-TALK" RULE
AND A THREAT ("KEEP QUIET, OR ELSE!!!") IS DOUBLY SHAMING TO THE VICTIM.
IT RELAYS THE MESSAGE: "I'M DOING THIS BAD THING TO YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE WORTHLESS
IN FACT, YOU'RE SO WORTHLESS THAT I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT TO YOU AND GET AWAY
WITH IT".

VICTIMS HAVE A HARD TIME REPOTING THE ABUSE OR EVEN TALKING ABOUT IT FOR A NUMBER
OF REASONS. OFTEN THEY FEEL RESPONSIBLE.
FOR INSTANCE, MOST BATTERED WOMEN FEEL THEY SOMEHOW DESERVE THE ABUSE!
OFTEN VICTIMS SAY, "I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER THAN TO GO THERE, TO SAY THIS, OR
DO THAT". AS IF THEY ARE TO BLAME FOR THE ABUSE. NONE SAY, "I AM MORE VALUABLE
THAN THAT, AND I DIDN'T DESERVE TO BE TREATED THAT THE PERPETRATOR WILL DO, OR
THAT NO ONE WILL BELIEVE THEM. MANY OF MY CLIENTS HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN ASKED BY
FAMILY, FRIENDS AND OTHER COUNSELORS, "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU SAID OR DID TO CAUSE
THIS TO HAPPEN TO YOU?"
LET ME ASK A QUESTION:

WHAT'S A GOOD ENOUG REASON TO EXCUSE ABUSE? THERE IS NO REASON GOOD ENOUGH.
ABUSE RELAYS THE MESSAGE, "I CAN DO THIS TO YOU BECAUSE I'M BIGGER (OR STRONGER,
FASTER, LOUDER, MALE OR HAVE MORE POWER OVER YOU, ETC. OR YOU WILL BOW DOWN TO MY
STANDARDS,)
YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS ABUSE BECAUSE OF YOUR LACK OF PERFORMANCE.

YOU'RE ONLY GETTING WHAT YOU DESERVE.

YOU'RE ALSO RESPONSIBLE TO STOP IT BY PERFORMING DIFFERENTLY.

THE BOTTOM-LINE MESSAGE OF ALL FORMS OF ABUSE IS:

"YOUR NEEDS DON'T MATTER. YOUR FEELINGS DON'T MATTER.

WHAT YOU THINK DOESN'T MATTER.

YOU ARE DEFECTIVE AND YOU A R E THE PROBLEM.

HOW SAD ??? HOW THE SIN OF THE FOREFATHERS JUST CARRY ON OH MAN OR WOMEN WHO
ARE YOU TO DO THIS TO ANY ONE....PLEASE REPENT AND TURN AND LOOK TO EACH OTHER
WITH THE LOVE OF ELOHIM OUR CREATOR.

PLEASE DON'T SAY IT IS YHVH'S AND BLAME OUR GOD GO TO THE ONE CAUSES DESTUCTION
AND PRAY TO GOD TO HELP YOU AS ABUSED ONE TO FORGIVE AND THAT PERSON 'S SOUL TO BE
SAVED.

IF YOU READ THIS AND YOU ARE A PERPETRATOR THEIR IS FORGIVENESS FOR YOU..... MAKE
A WILLFUL CHOICE.

SHALOM

MARIA.

* the greatest victories you’ll ever win will be those when everything cries out
“
“Imposible”

· Yahashua said unto him. If thou cans't believe, all things are possible to
him that believeth. Mark 9:23

· No man can actually live and walk with the man of Galilee without living in
the realm of the miraculous. Acts 4:13

· It takes floor-walking evil stomping, anointed tenacity to overcome the

limitations that are always surrounding what you want to do for your God, yourself
and your family. “ I can do all things through Christ which strengheneth me”
Philippians 4:13.

· Your body wasn’t created to live worrying about every little thing. You
were created to walk in the joy of the ELOHIM everyday of your life. His joy can
keep you living well.

· “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the
bones.” Proverbs 17:22.

Godly counsel will hold up under any conditions, regardless of what else is going
on. Building upon God’s counsel brings security and safety. Heaven and earth
shall pass away; but my words shall not pass away.

SHALOM
MARIA.