Title:

When a young student dies. By: Vann, Allan S., Education Digest, 0013127X, May
1992, Vol. 57
Database:
Education Source
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WHEN A YOUNG STUDENT DIES
A Different Situation from Teen Suicide
On a typically hectic Monday morning, when I was finally alone at my desk, my secretary
interrupted: "Mr. R is on the phone and must speak with you. M (his seven-year-old second-
grader) is dead." The father told me his son had grown progressively ill over the weekend,
after being fine Friday, and his mother had found him dead earlier this morning.
I doubt any principal is completely ready to handle such news, but it would help if there were
district policy to consult for guidance. My district had no such policy, but we formed a
district bereavement committee to research other district policies and we now have specific
guidelines for dealing with an unexpected student death. (We had a policy on teen suicide,
but it was totally inappropriate for dealing with the death of a seven-year-old.)
The policy my district prepared recommends actions very similar to those we followed that
day. If your district does not yet have such a policy, especially for the death of a very young
child, I strongly recommend writing one as soon as possible. Here are the steps we took in
my school.
1. Determining a plan of action. Once off the phone after consoling the father, I told my
secretary to immediately inform the district office and tell my building psychologist to cancel
her appointments for the day and meet me in five minutes. It was too late for me to call a
morning faculty meeting, which ordinarily should be the first step in any district's policy.
Not wanting to give an impersonal announcement over the public address system, I met with
my psychologist to inform her and jointly plan our next steps. The Director of Educational
Services joined us in a few minutes, along with a secondary guidance counselor and
psychologist. We five formed a crisis team that collectively decided all subsequent actions
that day.
Our new district policy now establishes in each building a "Crisis Response Team" (CRT)
consisting of the principal, psychologist, nurse, PTA president, one classroom teacher, and
the district social worker. Secondary schools also have a guidance counselor on their teams.
The team should be small enough to function cohesively in a highly emotionally charged
atmosphere, yet large enough to insure expression of diverse views. When no consensus is
reached, the principal decides.
2. Informing teachers before the children. Since the day had already begun, it was decided
the two teachers most affected (the teacher of the deceased and the teacher of the brother)
would be told first. Then, the psychologist told teachers while I spoke directly with children,
one class at a time, beginning with the grade of the deceased and then fanning out, up and
down, one grade at a time. Teachers were asked to come with the psychologist to the faculty
room while I began speaking to each class individually. The other psychologist and guidance
counselor provided coverage to the other classes until I spoke.
Asking teachers to come immediately out of their classes, with little explanation until they
reached the faculty room, created very awkward scenes, but we feared that if teachers learned
about M's death at the same time I told the children, some teachers might be overwhelmed
with grief and frighten the children with their reactions. We wanted them to have time to
grieve privately beforehand. However, by bringing teachers to the faculty room (we opted not
to say anything in the corridors, where children and parents often pass by), we created
extreme anxiety. Although the psychologist outlined to the teachers what I was saying in their
absence, in retrospect, they should all have been in their rooms to hear me themselves and to
observe children's reactions while I was telling them. But that would have taken more time.
Time was not on our side, for this was an early dismissal day. Parent-teacher conferences
were scheduled for that afternoon, and had I waited for teachers to return to their rooms, I
would not have been able to inform the entire school one class at a time prior to dismissal.
Addressing an entire grade at a time was considered, but we felt telling children in small
groups by class units was preferable. Our new district policy, however, suggests that one way
to deal with this dilemma is to have the principal prepare a brief written statement of the facts
to be available to all teachers. In a similar situation, I would now personally ask the teacher to
step outside the classroom, give the statement to the teacher, and, after allowing a few
moments of reaction, proceed into the room to speak with the children. Our policy also
allows me to call in a substitute to handle the CRT teacher's class, freeing up that teacher to
offer assistance in informing the other teachers.
3. Deciding to inform all students. We considered telling just those in the deceased's class,
the sibling's class, the same grade as the deceased, and those in the sibling's grade, but we
decided to tell children in every class except kindergarten. We felt that, sooner or later, every
student would learn of the tragedy. In fact, some children already knew, such as neighbors,
children who normally rode the same bus, and children of some of the family's close friends.
We didn't want children fearing they would die the next time they had a bad cough. And we
were concerned about ugly rumors already circulating that might frighten children even more
than the truth.
We also agreed that only one person should do the telling, to be sure the same message got to
everyone. We settled on me because, as principal, I was the "father/authority figure" and a
"unifying thread" in the school. There were now only two hours until dismissal.
4. Deciding to inform all parents. This being an early dismissal day compounded matters in
another way. We knew that many children would soon go home to an empty house, with
working parents not arriving home until much later. We decided parents had to be told about
what had happened and what was said and done in school. So before I started to inform
classes, I asked my secretary to call our PTA president to activate the emergency telephone
chain with this brief message: "A second-grade student died over the weekend. Dr. Vann has
informed all children except those in kindergarten. Children are being encouraged to share
their feelings, and parents should be alert to some children possibly coming home very upset
because of this news."
Activating the parent telephone chain remains part of our new district policy, but policy now
also calls for a brief written message to be sent home with children. I now have a form letter
saved on word-processor disk that can be personalized and photocopied in minutes.
5. Telling the children. Entering each class, I asked all children to gather around me in a
circle on the floor. First, I asked if anyone knew the deceased's brother, and then if anyone
knew the deceased. Before I began telling them what had happened, I now had some idea
which children to especially monitor while I was talking. I then told them about M's death,
purposely not mentioning that he died in his sleep lest I frighten them about going to sleep
themselves that night. I stressed how important it was for them to express their feelings to
their teachers and that it was okay to feel sad or confused, or even to cry. I encouraged them
to see the school psychologist or me if they wanted to talk more with one of us anytime that
week about what they were feeling.
6. Keeping the faculty informed. I met with the entire staff right after dismissal to inform
them of further developments, such as what I had told the children and what we could expect
in coming days. I also called a meeting for next morning to update them and review
procedures for handling student concerns. In addition, I asked teachers to suggest
improvements on the process we followed, should we ever again face such a tragedy. I advise
anyone in a similar situation to seek ongoing feedback, as well as to maintain a log of who
did what and when.
The next morning, teachers got a handout of suggestions for speaking with children about
death; we have since ordered several books that can be read to children, and we are
considering putting together our own materials. I also requested that teachers let me know by
the end of that day if they would like to go to the funeral or cemetery so I could arrange
special coverage.
7. Providing ongoing support to children and staff. My psychologist and I conferred
regularly in the next few days on individual children who seemed to be taking the loss very
hard. We also informed each other of parental contacts about how individual children were
reacting at home. I also made sure to touch base repeatedly with affected teachers through the
week, asking if they were all right, providing a shoulder to lean on, listening to them while
they shared their feelings, and offering support the best way I knew how.
It was a very emotionally draining period for me, easily one of the most stressful weeks of
my life. My superintendent suggested I skip the evening PTA and Board of Education
meetings that week, but I felt I should be there in case of questions only I could answer on
what was said or done and why.
8. Dealing with the emotional aftermath. I specifically requested of all who asked me that
we do nothing regarding memorial plans until some time had passed, but this was not to be.
Each day, well-meaning parents called to say they spoke with Mr. and Mrs. R, who asked that
this or that be done. And each day, it was something else: a donation to a specific charity, a
donation of playground equipment,benches, etc. I caution anyone preparing policy to exert
extra care here, for this issue may cause the greatest long-term grief. How do you get this
tragedy behind you, yet not appear indifferent to the desire by the parents for a suitable
memorial?
As of now, this matter is still unresolved. Our new policy prohibits donation of permanent
structures such as playground equipment. But Mr. and Mrs. R seem determined to place a
permanent memorial at my school. Had our new policy been in effect prior to this tragedy,
this matter would have resolved itself long ago.
9. Final words of advice. Perhaps the best advice I can offer to principals is to clear your
calendar of every appointment for at least five days, as this will consume virtually all your
time, and be prepared for an emotional strain unlike any you have experienced. If you have a
highly competent school psychologist and supportive district office personnel, you will fare
better, but the strain will not be diminished.
If your district does not have a policy for such a crisis, put one together as soon as possible.
Had we had one when this tragedy struck, I would not still be embroiled in the memorial
issue. If you have such policies, perhaps it's time to see if they would hold up if it were an
early dismissal day, or if the news came 3O minutes before dismissal on the day before a long
vacation.
The principal must make many decisions quickly while remaining calm and supportive.
Therefore, during this tremendous period of grief and uncertainty, the principal has little
opportunity for expressing personal emotions. It took two days for my normal body
temperature to return, and by the fourth day of that week, my eyes burned from the strain.
Finally, as so often is the lot of the principal, you can expect criticism for actions taken and
not taken. It is especially important for you to have people on your crisis team with whom
you can work comfortably with a minimum of extra stress, and people whose judgment you
value. But you are the one who must feel most comfortable with CRT decisions, for you are
the one who will be asked to explain and defend them.
~~~~~~~~
By Allan Vann
Allan Vann is Principal, James H. Boyd Elementary School, Huntington, New York.
Condensed from SAANYS Journal, 22 (Fall 1991), 12-14. Published by the School
Administrators Association Of New York State, Albany.

Source: Education Digest, May 1992, Vol. 57, p41, 5p
Item: 503099041