'Vitamins' RaymondCarver

IhadajobandPattididn't.Iworkedafewhoursanightforthehospital.Itwasa
nothingjob.Ididsomework,signedthecardforeighthours,wentdrinkingwiththe
nurses.AfterawhilePattiwantedajob.Shesaidsheneededajobforherselfrespect.
Soshestartedsellingmultiplevitaminsandmineralsdoortodoor.
Forawhileshewasjustanothergirlwhowentupanddownblocksinstrange
neighbourhoodsknockingondoors.Butshelearnedtheropes.Shewasquickandhad
excelledatthingsinschool.Shehadpersonality.Prettysoonthecompanygavehera
promotion.Someofthegirlswhoweren'tdoingsohotwereputtoworkunderher.
Beforelongshehadherselfacrewandalittleofficeoutinthemall.Butthenamesand
facesofthegirlswhoworkedforherwerealwayschanging.Somegirlswouldquitafter
afewdays,afterafewhourssometimes.Oneortwoofthegirlsweregoodatit.They
couldsellvitamins.ThesegirlsstuckwithPatti.Theyformedthecoreofthecrew.But
thereweregirlswhocouldn'tgiveawayvitamins.
Thegirlswhocouldn'tcutitwouldlastaweekorsoandthenquit.Justnotshowfor
work.Iftheyhadaphonethey'dtakeitoffthehook.Theywouldn'tanswertheirdoor.
AtfirstPattitooktheselossestoheart,likethegirlswerenewconvertswhohadlost
theirway.Sheblamedherself.Butshegotoverthat.Toomanygirlsquit.Onceina
whileagirlwouldquitonherfirstdayinthefield.She'dfreezeandnotbeabletopush
thedoorbell.Ormaybeshe'dgettothedoorandsomethingwouldhappentohervoice.
Orshe'dgettheopeningremarksmixedupwithsomethingsheshouldn'tbesayinguntil
shegotinside.Maybeitwasthenthegirlwoulddecidetobunchit,takethesample
case,andheadforthecarwhereshehungarounduntilPattiandtheothershad
finished.There'dbeahastyoneononeconference.Thenthey'dallridebacktothe
office.They'dsaythingstobuckthemselvesup.'Whenthegoinggetstough,thetough
getgoing.'And,'Dotherightthingsandtherightthingswillhappen.'Stufflikethat.Now
andthenagirldisappearedinthefield,samplecaseandall.She'dhitcharideintotown,
thenbeatit.Justdisappear.Buttherewerealwaysgirlstotaketheirplaces.Girlswere
comingandgoing.Pattihadalist.Everyfewweeksorsosheranalittleadinthe
Pennysaverandmoregirlsshowedupandanothertrainingsessionwasinorder.There
wasnoendofgirls.
ThecoregroupwasmadeupofPatti,Donna,andSheila.MyPattiwasabeauty.Donna
andSheilaweremediumpretty.OnenightSheilaconfessedtoPattithatshelovedher
morethananythingonearth.Pattitoldmesheusedthosewords.Pattihaddrivenher
homeandtheyweresittinginfrontofSheila'sapartment.Pattisaidshelovedhertoo.
Shelovedallherfriends.ButnotinthewaySheilahadinmind.ThenSheilatouched
Patti'sbreast.ShebrushedthenipplethroughPatti'sblouse.PattitookSheila'shand
andheldit.Shetoldhershedidn'tswingthatway.Sheiladidn'tbataneye.Aftera
minute,shenodded.ButshekeptPatti'shand.Shekissedit,thengotoutofthecar.

ThatwasaroundChristmas.Thevitaminbusinesswasoff,andwethoughtwe'dhavea
partytocheereverybodyup.Itseemedlikeagoodideaatthetime.ButSheilagot
drunkearlyandpassedout.Shepassedoutonherfeet,fellover,anddidn'twakeupfor
hours.Oneminuteshewasstandinginthemiddleofthelivingroom,laughing.Thenher
eyesclosed,thelegsbuckled,andshewentdownwithaglassinherhand.Thehand
holdingthedrinksmackedthecoffeetableasshefell.Shedidn'tmakeasound
otherwise.Thedrinkpouredintotherug.PattiandIandsomebodyelseluggedherout
tothebackporchandputherdownonacotandtendedtoforgetabouther.
Everybodygotdrunkandwenthome.Pattiwenttobed.Iwantedtokeepon,soIsatat
thetablewithadrinkuntilitstartedtogetlightout.ThenSheilacameinfromtheporch
andbegancomplaining.Shesaidshehadthisheadachethatwassobaditwaslike
somebodywasstickinghotwiresintohertemples.Itwassuchaheadache,shesaid,she
wasafraiditmightleaveherwithapermanentsquint.Andshewassureherlittlefinger
wasbroken.Sheshowedittome.Itlookedpurple.Shebitchedthatwe'dlethersleep
allnightwithhercontactsin.Shewantedtoknowdidn'tanybodygiveashit.She
broughtthefingerupcloseandlookedatit.Sheshookherhead.Sheheldthefingeras
farawayasshecouldandlookedsomemore.Itwasasifshecouldn'tbelievethethings
thatmusthavehappenedtoherthatnight.Herfacewaspuffy,andherhairwasall
over.Shelookedhatefulandhalfcrazy.Sherancoldwateroverherfinger.'God,oh
God,'shesaidandcriedsomeoverthesink.
Butshe'dmadeaseriouspassatPatti,adeclarationoflove,andIdidn'thaveany
sympathy.
Iwasdrinkingscotchandmilkwithasliverofice.Sheilaleanedagainstthedrainboard.
Shewatchedmefromlittleslitsofeyes.Itooksomeofmydrink.Ididn'tsayanything.
Shewentbacktotellingmehowbadshefelt.Shesaidsheneededtoseeadoctor.She
saidshewasgoingtowakePatti.Shesaidshewasquitting,leavingthestate,goingto
Portland,andshehadtosaygoodbyetoPatti.Shekepton.ShewantedPattitodrive
hertotheemergencyroom.
'I'lldriveyou,'Isaid.Ididn'twanttodoit,butIwould.
'IwantPattitodriveme,'shesaid.Shewasholdingthewristofherbadhandwithher
goodhand,thelittlefingerasbigasapocketflashlight.'Besides,weneedtotalk.Iwant
totellherI'mleaving.IneedtotellherI'mgoingtoPortland.Ineedtosaygoodbye.'
Isaid,'IguessI'llhavetotellherforyou.She'sasleep.'
Sheturnedmean.'We'refriends,'shesaid.'Ihavetotalktoher.Ihavetotellher
myself.'
Ishookmyhead.'She'sasleep.Ijustsaidso.'
'We'refriendsandweloveeachother,'shesaid.'Ihavetosaygoodbyetoher.'She
madetoleavethekitchen.
Istartedtogetup.Isaid,'ItoldyouI'lldriveyou.'
'You'redrunk!Youhaven'tevenbeentobedyet.'Shelookedatherfingeragainand
said,'Goddamn,why'dthishavetohappen?'
'Nottoodrunktodriveyoutothehospital,'Isaid.
'Iwon'tridewithyou,youbastard!'Sheilayelled.
'Suityourself.Butyou'renotgoingtowakePatti.Lesbobitch,'Isaid.
'Fuckerbastard,'shesaid.Shesaidthatandthenshewentoutofthekitchenandout
thefrontdoorwithoutusingthebathroomorevenwashingherface.Igotupand
lookedoutthewindow.ShewaswalkingdowntheroadtowardFultonAvenue.Nobody
elsewasup.Itwastooearly.
Ifinishedmydrinkandthoughtaboutfixinganotherone.Ifixedone.
NobodysawanymoreofSheila.Noneofusvitaminrelatedpeopleanyway.Shewalked
toFultonAvenueandoutofourlives.LateronthatdayPattisaid,'Whathappenedto
Sheila?'andIsaid,'ShewenttoPortland.'Thatwasthat.Pattididn'taskthedetails.

IhadthehotsforDonna,theothermemberofthecoregroup.We'ddancedtosome
DukeEllingtonrecordsthatnight.I'dheldherprettytight,smelledherhair,andkepta
handatthesmallofherbackasIguidedherovertherug.Igotturnedondancingwith
her.Iwastheonlyguyatthepartyandthereweresixorsevengirlsdancingwitheach
other.Itwasaturnontolookaroundthelivingroom.IwasinthekitchenwhenDonna
cameinwithheremptyglass.Wewerealoneforaminute.Igotherintoalittle
embrace.Shehuggedmeback.Westoodthereandhugged.
Thenshesaid,'Don't.Notnow.'WhenIheardthat'notnow'Iletgoandfigureditwas
moneyinthebank.
SoI'dbeenatthetablereconstructingthathug,Donnaonmymind,whenSheilacame
inwithherbumfinger.
IthoughtsomemoreonDonna.Ifinishedthedrink.Itookthephoneoffthehookand
headedforthebedroom.ItookoffmyclothesandgotinbesidePatti.Ilayforaminute,
windingdown.ThenIstartedin.Butshedidn'twakeup.Afterwards,Iclosedmyeyes.
ItwasafternoonwhenIopenedthemagain,andIwasinbedalone.Rainwasblowing
againstthewindow.AsugardoughnutlayonPatti'spillow,andaglassofoldwatersat
onthenightstand.Iwasstilldrunkandcouldn'tfigureanythingout.Iknewitwas
SundayandclosetoChristmas.Iatethedoughnutanddrankthewater.Iwentbackto
sleepuntilIheardPattirunningthevacuum.Shecameintothebedroomandasked
aboutSheila.That'swhenItoldher,saidshe'dgonetoPortland.

AweekorsointotheNewYearPattiandIwerehavingadrink.She'djustcomehome
fromwork.Itwasn'tsolate,butitwasdarkandrainy.Iwasgoingtoworkinacoupleof
hours.Butfirstwewerehavingussomescotchandtalking.Pattiwastired.Shewas
downinthedumpsandontoherthirddrink.Nobodywasbuyingvitamins.Shewas
reducedtoDonna,core,andSandy,aseminewgirlandakleptomaniac.Wewere
talkingaboutthingslikenegativeweatherandthenumberofparkingticketsPattihad
accumulatedandletgo.Finally,howmaybewe'dbebetteroffifwemovedtoArizona,
someplacelikethat.
Ifixedusanotherone.Ilookedoutthewindow.Arizonawasn'tabadidea.
Pattisaid,'Vitamins.'Shepickedupherglassandswirledtheice.'Forshitsake!Imean,
whenIwasagirlthisisthelastthingIeversawmyselfdoing.Jesus,IneverthoughtI'd
growuptosellvitamins.Doortodoorvitamins.Thisbeatseverything.Thisblowsmy
mind.'
'Ineverthoughtsoeither,honey,'Isaid.
'That'sright,'shesaid.'Yousaiditinanutshell.'
'Honey.'
'Don'thoneyme,'shesaid.'Thisishard,brother.Thislifeisnoteasy,anywayyoucutit.'
Sheseemedtothinkthingsoverforaminute.Sheshookherhead.Thenshefinishedher
drink.Shesaid,'IevendreamofvitaminswhenI'masleep.Idon'thaveanyrelief.
There'snorelief!Atleastyoucanwalkawayfromyourjobafterworkandleaveit
behind.Forgetaboutit.I'llbetyouhaven'thadonedreamaboutyourjob.Youdon't
comehomedeadtiredandfallasleepanddreamyou'rewaxingfloorsorwhateveryou
dodownthere.Doyou?Afteryou'veleftthefuckingplace,youdon'tcomehomeand
dreamaboutthefuckingjob!'shescreamed.
Isaid,'Ican'trememberwhatIdream.MaybeIdon'tdream.Idon'trememberanything
whenIwakeup.'Ishrugged.Ididn'tkeeptrackofwhatwentoninmyheadwhenIwas
asleep.Ididn'tcare.
'Youdream!'Pattisaid.'Evenifyoudon'tremember.Everybodydreams.Ifyoudidn't
dream,you'dgocrazy.Ireadaboutit.It'sanoutlet.Peopledreamwhenthey'reasleep.
Orelsethey'dgonuts.ButwhenIdreamIdreamofvitamins.DoyouseewhatI'm
saying?'Shehadhereyesfixedonme.
'Yesandno,'Isaid.Itwasn'tasimplequestion.
'IdreamI'mpitchingvitamins,'shewenton.'IdreamI'verunoutofvitaminsandIhave
adozenorderswaitingtobewrittenifIcanjustshowthemthefuckingproduct.
Understand?I'msellingvitaminsdayandnight.Jesus,whatalife,'shesaid.Shefinished
herdrink.
'How'sSandydoing?Shestillhavestickyfingers?'Iwantedtogetusoffthissubject.But
therewasn'tanythingelse.
Pattisaid,'Shit,'andshookherheadasifIdidn'tknowanything.
Welistenedtoitrain.
'Nobodyissellingvitamins,'Pattisaid.Shepickedupherglass.Butitwasempty.
'Nobodyisbuyingvitamins.That'swhatI'mtellingyou.Ijusttoldyouthat.Didn'tyou
hearme?'
Igotuptofixusanotherone.'Donnadoinganything?'Ireadthelabelonthebottleand
waited.
Pattisaid,'Shemadealittlesaleafewdaysago.That'sall.That'sallthat'shappenedthis
week.Itwouldn'tsurprisemeifshequit.Iwouldn'tblameher,'Pattisaid.'IfIwasinher
place,I'dthinkofquitting.Butifshequits,thenwhat?ThenI'mbackatthestart,that's
what.Groundzero.Themiddleofwinter,peoplesickalloverthestate,peopledying,
andnobodythinkstheyneedvitamins.I'msickashellmyself.'
'What'swrong,honey?'Iputthedrinksonthetableandsatdown.ShewentonasifI
hadn'tsaidanything.MaybeIhadn't.
'I'mmyownbestcustomer,'shesaid.'I'vetakensomanyvitaminsIthinktheymaybe
doingsomethingtomyskin.DoesmyskinlookOKtoyou?CanapersonODon
vitamins?I'mgettingtowhereIcan'tevengotothebathroomlikeanormalperson.'
'Honey,'Isaid.
Pattisaid,'Youdon'tcareifItakevitaminsordon'ttakevitamins.That'sthepoint.You
don'tcare.Youdon'tcareaboutanything.Thewindshieldwiperquitthisafternoonin
therain.Ialmosthadawreck.Icamethisclose.'
Wewentondrinkingandtalkinguntilitwastimeformetogotowork.Pattisaidshe
wasgoingtosoakinahottub,ifshedidn'tfallasleepfirst.'I'masleeponmyfeet,'she
said.Shesaid,'Vitamins,forshit'ssake.That'sallthereisanymore.'Shelookedaround
thekitchen.Shelookedatheremptyglass.'Whyinhellaren'tyourich?'Shelaughed.
Shewasdrunk.Butsheletmekissher.ThenIleftforwork.

TherewasaplaceIwenttoafterwork.I'dstartedgoingforthemusicandbecauseI
couldgetadrinkthereafterclosinghours.ItwasaplacecalledtheOffBroadway.Itwas
aspadeplaceinaspadeneighbourhood.ItwasrunbyaspadenamedKhakiandwas
patronizedbyspades,alongwithafewwhites.Peoplewouldshowupaftertheother
placesintownhadstoppedserving.They'daskforhousespecialsRCColaswithabelt
ofwhiskyorelsethey'dbringtheirownstuffinundertheircoatsorinthewomen's
dittybags,orderRCandbuildtheirown.Musiciansshoweduptojam,andthedrinkers
whowantedtokeepdrinkingcametodrinkandlistentothemusic.Sometimespeople
dancedonthelittledancefloor.Butusuallytheysatintheboothsanddrankand
listenedtothemusic.
Nowandthenaspadehitanotherspadeintheheadwithabottle.Onceastorywent
aroundthatsomebodyhadfollowedanothersomebodyintotheGentsandcutthe
man'sthroatwhilehestoodinfrontoftheurinal.ButIneversawanytrouble.Nothing
thatKhakicouldn'thandle.Khakiwasabigspadewithabaldheadthatgleamedunder
thefluorescents.HeworeHawaiianprintshirtsthathungoverhispants.Ithinkhe
carriedapistolinsidehiswaistband.Atleastasap.Ifsomebodystartedtogetoutof
line,Khakiwouldwalkovertowhereitwasbeginning,somevoicerisingovertheother
voicesandthemusic.He'dresthisbighandontheparty'sshoulderandsayafewwords
andthatwasthat.I'dbeengoingthereoffandonformonths.Iwaspleasedthathe'd
saythingstomelike,'How'reyoudoingtonight,friend?'Or,'Friend,Ihaven'tseenyou
foraspell.Gladtoseeyou.We'reheretohavefun.'
TheOffBroadwayiswhereItookDonnaonourfirstandlastdate.

Iwalkedoutofthehospitaljustaftermidnight.It'dclearedupandstarswereout.Istill
hadthisbuzzfromthescotchI'dhadwithPatti.ButIwasthinkingtohitNewJimmy's
foraquickoneonthewayhome.Donna'scarwasparkedinthespacebesidemycar.
Donnawasinsidethecar.Irememberedthathugwe'dhadinthekitchen.Notnow,
she'dsaid.
Iwalkedovertoherdoor.Sherolledthewindowdownandknockedashesfromher
cigarette.
'Icouldn'tsleep,'shesaid.'Ihavethingsonmymind,andIcouldn'tsleep.'
Isaid,'Donna.Hey,I'mgladtoseeyou.'
'Idon'tknowwhat'swrongwithme,'shesaid.
'Youwanttogosomeplaceforadrink?Icouldhavebeenoutofthisplaceanhourago,'
Isaid.
'Ihaven'tbeenherelong.Anyway,Ineededtimetothink.Iguessonedrinkcan'thurt.
Patti'smyfriend,'shesaid.'Youknowthat.'
'She'smyfriendtoo,'Isaid.ThenIsaid,'Let'sgo.'
'Justsoyouknow,'shesaid.
'There'sthisplace.It'saspadeplace,'Isaid.'Theyhavemusic.Wecangetadrink,listen
tosomemusic.''Youwanttodriveme?'Donnasaid.
'Scootover.'

Shestartedinaboutvitamins.Vitaminswereinaskid,vitaminshadtakenanosedive.
Thebottomhadfalledoutofthevitaminmarket.
Donnasaid,'IhatetodothistoPatti.She'smybestfriend,andshe'stryingtobuild
thingsupforus.ButImayhavetoquit.Thisisbetweenus.Swearit!ButIhavetoeat.I
havetopayrent.Ineednewshoesandanewcoat.Vitaminscan'tcutit,'shesaid.'I
don'tthinkvitaminsiswhereit'satanymore.Ihaven'tsaidanythingtoPatti.LikeIsaid,
I'mstilljustthinkingaboutit.'
Donna'shandlaynexttomyleg.Ireacheddownandsqueezedherfingers.She
squeezedback.Thenshetookherhandawayandpushedinthelighter.Aftershehad
hercigarettegoing,sheputthehandbackontheseatnexttomyleg.'Worsethan
anything,IhatetoletPattidown.YouknowwhatI'msaying?Wewereateam.'She
handedmehercigarette.'Iknowit'sadifferentbrand,'shesaid,'buttryit,youmight
likeit.'
IpulledintothelotfortheOffBroadway.ThreespadesleanedagainstanoldChrysler
thathadacrackedfrontwindshield.Theywerejustlounging,passingabottleinapaper
sack.Theylookedusover.IgotoutandwentaroundtoopenthedoorforDonna.I
checkedthedoors,tookherarm,andweheadedforthestreet.Thespadeswatchedbut
didn'tsayanything.
'You'renotthinkingaboutmovingtoPortland?'Isaid.Wewereonthesidewalk.Iput
myarmaroundherwaist.
'Idon'tknowanythingaboutPortland.Portlandhasn'toncecrossedmymind.'
ThefronthalfoftheOffBroadwaywaslikearegularspadecafeandbar.Afewspades
satatthecounterandafewmoreworkedoverplatesoffoodattablescoveredwithred
oilcloth.Wepassedthroughthecafeandintoabigroominback.Therewasalong
counterwithboothsagainstthewall.Butatthebackoftheroomwasaplatformwhere
musicianscouldsetup.Infrontoftheplatformwassomethingthatcouldpassfora
dancefloor.Barsandnightclubswerestillserving,sopeoplehadn'tturnedupatthe
OffBroadwayinanylargenumbersyet.IhelpedDonnatakeoffhercoat.Wesettled
ourselvesinaboothandputourcigarettesonthetable.Thespadewaitressnamed
Hannahcameover.Hannahandmenodded.ShelookedatDonna.IorderedustwoRC
Colaspecialsanddecidedtofeelgoodaboutthings.
AfterthedrinkscameandI'dpaidandwe'deachhadasip,westartedhugging.We
carriedonlightlyforawhile,squeezingandpatting,kissingeachother'sface.Everyso
oftenDonnawouldstopanddrawback,pushmeawayalittle,thenholdmebythe
wrists.She'dgazeintomyeyes.Thenherlidswouldcloseslowlyandwe'dfalltokissing
again.Prettysoontheplacebegantofill.Westoppedkissing.ButIkeptmyarmaround
her.Sheranherfingersupanddownmythigh.Acoupleofspadehornplayersanda
whitedrummerbeganfoolingaroundwithapiece.IfiguredDonnaandmewouldhave
anotherdrinkandlistentotheset.Thenwe'dleaveandgotoherplacetofinishwhat
we'dstarted.
I'djustorderedtwomorefromHannahwhenthisspadenamedBennycameoverwith
thisotherspade,abigdressedupspade.Thebigspadehadlittleredeyesandwas
wearingathreepiecegreypinstripethatlookednewbutwastightintheshoulders,a
rosecolouredshirt,atie,topcoat,afedora.Allofit.
'How'smyman?'saidBenny.Bennystuckouthishandforabrotherhandshake.Benny
andIhadtalked.HeknewIlikedjazzandheusedtocomeovertotheboothandtalk
wheneverheandIwereintheplaceatthesametime.HelikedtotalkaboutJohnny
Hodges,howhehadplayedsaxaccompanimentforJohnny.He'dsaythingslike,'When
JohnnyandmehadthisgiginMasonCity.'
'Hi,Benny,'Isaid.
'IwantyoutomeetNelson,'Bennysaid.'HejustbackfromVietnamtoday.This
morning.Heheretolistentosomeofthesegoodsounds.Hegothisdancingshoesonin
case.'HelookedatNelsonandnodded.'ThishereisNelson.'
IwaslookingatNelson'sshinyblackshoes,andthenIlookedatNelson.Heseemedto
wanttoplacemefromsomewhere.Hestudiedme.Thenheletloosearollinggrinthat
showedhisteeth.Helookeddownthebooth.
'ThisisDonna,'Isaid.'Donna,thisisBenny,andthisisNelson.Nelson,thisisDonna.'
'Hello,girl,'NelsonsaidandDonnasaidrightback,'Hellothere,Nelson.Hello,Benny.'
'Maybewe'lljustslideinandjoinyoufolks?'Bennysaid.'OK?'Isaid,'Sure.'ButIwas
sorrytheyhadn'tfoundsomeplaceelse.'We'renotgoingtobeherelong,'Isaid.'Long
enoughtofinishthisdrinkisall.'
'Iknowman,Iknow,'Bennysaid.HesatacrossfrommeafterNelsonhadlethimself
downintothebooth.'Thingstodo,placestogo.Yes,sir,Bennyknows,'hesaidand
winked.
NelsonlookedacrosstheboothtoDonna.Hestaredather.Thenhetookoffthehat.He
seemedtobeexaminingthebrimasheturnedthehataroundinhisbighands.Hemade
roomforthehatonthetable.HelookedupatDonna.Hegrinnedandsquaredhis
shoulders.Hehadtosquarehisshoulderseveryfewminutes.Itwaslikehewasvery
tired.Iwishedthey'dhavelandedsomeplaceelse.
'Yourealgoodfriendswithhim,Ibet,'NelsonsaidtoDonna,notwastingaminute.
'We'regoodfriends,'Donnasaid.
Hannahcameover.BennyaskedforRC's.HannahwentawayandNelsonworkedapint
ofwhiskyfromhistopcoatpocket.
'Goodfriends,'Nelsonsaid.'Realgoodfriends.'Heunscrewedthelid.
'Watchout,Nelson,'Bennysaid.'Keepthatbottleoutofsight.Nelsonjustgotoffthe
planefromVietnam,'Bennysaid.
Nelsonraisedthebottleanddranksomeofhiswhisky.Hescrewedthelidback,laidthe
bottleonthetable,andtriedtocoveritwithhishat.'Realgoodfriends,'hesaid.
Bennylookedatmeandrolledhiseyes.Buthewasdrunktoo.'Igottogetintoshape,'
hesaidtome.HedrankRCfrombothoftheirglassesandthenheldtheglassesunder
thetableandpouredwhisky.Heputthebottleinhiscoatpocket.'Man,Iain'tputmy
lipstoareedforamonthnow.Igottogetwithit.'
Wewerebunchedinthebooth,glassesinfrontofus,Nelson'shatonthetable.'You,'
Nelsonsaidtome.'Youwithsomebodyelse,ain'tyou?Thisbeautifulwoman,sheain't
yourwife.Iknowthat.Butyourealgoodfriendswiththiswoman.Ain'tIright?'
Ihadsomeofmydrink.Icouldn'ttastethewhisky.Icouldn'ttasteanything.Isaid,'Isall
thatshitaboutVietnamtrueweseeontheTV?'
Nelsonhadhisredeyesfixedonme.Afteratimehesaid,'WhatIwanttosayis,Doyou
knowwhereyourwifeis?Hah?Ibetshe'soutwithsomedudeandshebelayinginhis
armsthisminute.Shebetouchinghisnipples,pullinghispudforhimwhileyousitting
herebigaslifewithyourgoodfriend.Ibetshehaveherselfagoodfriendtoo.'
'Nelson,'Bennysaid.
'Nelsonnothing,'Nelsonsaid.
Bennysaid,'Nelson,let'sleavethesepeoplebe.There'ssomebodyinthatotherbooth.
SomebodyItoldyouabout.Nelsonjustthismorninggotoffaplane,'Bennysaid.
'Nelson'
'IbetIknowwhatyouthinking,'Nelsonsaid.Hekeptonwithit.'Ibetyouthinking,Now
here'sabigdrunkniggerandwhatamIgoingtodowithhim?MaybeIhavetowhiphis
ass.Hah?Thatwhatyouthinking?'
Ilookedaroundtheroom.IsawKhakistandingneartheplatform,themusicians
workingawaybehindhim.Somecoupleswereonthefloor.Peoplehadpiledintothe
boothsandwerelisteningtothemusic.IthoughtKhakilookedrightatme,butifhedid
helookedawayagain.
'Ain'tityourturntotalknow?'Nelsonsaid.'Ijustteasingyou.Iain'tdoneanyteasing
sinceIleftNam.Iteasedthegookssome.'Hegrinnedagain,hisbiglipsrollingback.
Thenhestoppedgrinningandjuststared.
'Showthemthatear,'Bennysaidquickly.Heputhisemptyglassonthetable.'Nelson
gothimselfanearoffoneofthemlittledudes,'Bennysaid.'Hecarryitwithhim.Show
them,Nelson.'
Nelsonsatthere.Thenhestartedfeelingthepocketsofhistopcoat.Hetookthingsout
ofthepockets.Hetookoutahandkerchief,somekeys,aboxofcoughdrops.
Donnasaid,'Idon'twanttoseeanoldear.Ugh.Doubleugh.Jesus.'Shelookedatme.
'Wehavetogo,'Isaid.
Nelsonwasstillfeelinginhispockets.Hetookawalletfromapocketinsidethesuitcoat
andputitonthetable.Hepattedthewallet.'Fivethousanddollarsthere.Listenhere,'
hesaidtoDonna.'Igoingtogiveyoutwobills.OK?Twoonehundreddollarbills.Igot
fiftythem.Youwithme?Igiveyoutwoofthem.ThenIwantyoutoFrenchme.Justlike
hiswifedoingsomeotherbigfellow.Youlistening?Youknowgoddamnwellshegother
lipsaroundsomebody'shammerthisminutewhileheherewithhishandupyourskirt.
Fair'sfair.Twoonehundreds.Here.'Hepulledthecornersofthebillsfromhiswallet.
'Hell,hereanotherhundredforyourfriend.Sohewon'tfeelleftout.Hedon'thaveto
donothing.Youdon'thavetodonothing,'Nelsonsaidtome.'Youjustsithereanddrink
yourdrink.Sithereandlistentothemusic.Goodmusic.Meandthiswomanwalkout
togetherlikegoodfriends.Andshewalkbackinbyherself.Won'tbelong,shebeback.'
'Nelson,'Bennysaid,'thisisnowaytotalk.Nelson,Nelson.'
Nelsongrinned.'IfinishedwhatIhavetosay.'Thenhesaid,'ButIain'tjoking.'Hetook
thehandkerchiefandwipedhisface.HeturnedtoBenny.
'Ialwayssaymymind.Benny,youknowme.Youstillmyfriend,Benny?Hell,weallgood
friends.ButIwantwhatIwant,'Nelsonsaid.'AndIwillingtopayforit.Don'twant
somethingfornothing.Ipayforit,orItakeit.Thatsimple.'
Hefoundwhathe'dbeenfeelingfor.Itwasasilvercigarettecasewhichheworked
open.Ilookedattheearinside.Itlayonapieceofcotton.Theearwasbrown,likea
driedmushroom.Itwasbeginningtocurl.Butitwasarealearanditwasattachedtoa
keychain.
'God,'saidDonna.'Yuck.'
BennyandIlookedattheear.
'Something,hah?'Nelsonsaid.HewaswatchingDonna.
'I'mnotgoingoutsidewithyouandthat'sthat,'Donnasaid.'Noway.I'mnotgoingand
that'sallthereistoit.'
'Girl,'Nelsonsaid.
'Nelson,'Isaid.AndthenNelsonfixedhisredeyesonme.Hepushedthehatandwallet
andcigarettecaseoutofhisway.
'Whatyouwant?'Nelsonsaid.'Igiveyouwhatyouwant.'
Bennyclosedhiseyesandthenheopenedthemandsaid,'Thankheaven,herecome
Khaki.Nelson,Bennygoingtomakeaprediction.Bennypredictthatinthirtyseconds
Khakigoingtobestandinghereaskingifeverythingbeallright,ifeverybodyhappy.'
Donnasaid,'I'mnothappy.I'mnotonebithappy,'Donnasaid.
Khakicameovertotheboothandputahandonmyshoulderandtheotherhandon
Benny'sshoulder.Heleanedoverthetable,hisheadshiningunderthelights.'Howyou
folks?Youallhavingfun?'
'Everythingallright,Khaki,'Bennysaid.'EverythingAOK.Thesepeoplewasjustfixingto
leave.MeandNelsongoingtosithereandlistentothemusicmakers.'
'That'sgood,'Khakisaid.'Folksbehappyismymotto.'Helookedaroundthebooth.He
lookedatNelson'swalletonthetableandattheopencigarettecasenexttothewallet.
Hesawtheear.
'Thatarealear?'hesaid.
Bennysaid,'Itis.Showhimthatear,Nelson.Nelsonjuststeppedofftheplanefrom
Vietnamwiththisear.Thisearhastravelledhalfwayaroundtheworldtobeonthis
tabletonight.Nelson,showhim,'Bennysaid.
NelsonhandedthecaseovertoKhaki.
Khakiexaminedtheear.Hetookupthechainanddangledtheearinfrontofhisface.
Helookedatit.Heletitswingbackandforthonthechain.'Iheardaboutthesedriedup
earsandcocksandsuchthings,butIain'treallybelievedit.OrIbelievedit,butInever
reallybelievedittillthisminute.'
'Itookitoffoneofthemlittlegooks,'Nelsonsaid.'Hecouldn'thearnothingwithitno
more.Iwantedmeakeepsake.'
'MyGod,'saidKhaki.Heturnedtheearonitschain.'IguessIseeneverything.'
DonnaandIbegangettingoutofthebooth.
'Girl,don'tgo,'Nelsonsaid.
'Nelson,'Bennysaid.
KhakiwaswatchingNelsonnow.IstoodbesidetheboothwithDonna'scoat.Mylegs
werecrazy.
Nelsonraisedhisvoice.Hesaid,'Ifyougowiththisfucker,lethimputhisfaceinyour
sweets,yougoingtofryinhellwithhim!'
Westartedtomoveawayfromthebooth.Peoplewerelooking.
'NelsonjustgotofftheplanefromVietnamthismorning,'IheardBennysay.'Webeen
drinkingallday.Thisbeenthelongestdayonrecord.Butmeandhimwegoingtobe
fine,Khaki.'
Nelsonyelledsomethingoverthemusic.Heyelled,'Youfixingtoplowthat,sonofa
bitch,butitain'tgoingtodonogood!Itain'tgoingtohelpnone!'Iheardhimsaythat,
andthenIcouldn'thearanymore.Themusicstopped,andthenitstartedagain.We
didn'tlookback.Wekeptgoing.Wegotouttothesidewalk.

Iopenedthedoorforherandwentaroundtomyside.Idroveusbacktothehospital.
Donnastayedoveronhersideofthecar.Fromtimetotimeshe'dusethelighterona
cigarette,butshewouldn'ttalk.
Itriedtosaysomething.Isaid,'MaybeIshouldhavetakenhisearforasouvenir.Look,
Donna,don'tgetonadownerbecauseofthis.I'msorryithappened,'Isaid.
'MaybeIshouldhavetakenhismoney,'Donnasaid.'That'swhatIwasthinking.'
Ikeptdrivinganddidn'tlookather.Icouldn'tsayanythingthatwouldhelp.
'It'strue,'shesaid.'MaybeIshould'vetakenthemoney.'Sheshookherhead.'Idon't
know.Idon'tknowwhatI'msaying.Ijustshouldn'thavebeenthere.'Donnabeganto
cry.Sheputherchindownandcried.
'Don'tcry,'Isaid.Therewasnothingelsetosay.
'I'mnotgoingintoworktomorrow,today,wheneveritisthealarmgoesoff,'shesaid.
'I'mnotgoingin.I'mgoingtoquit.I'mleavingtown.Itakewhathappenedbackthereas
asign.'Shepushedinthelighterandwaitedforittopopout.
Ipulledinbesidemycarandkilledtheengine.Iscannedtherearview,halfexpectingto
seethatoldChryslerdriveintothelotwithNelsoninthefrontseat.Ikeptmyhandson
thewheelforaminute,andthendroppedthemtomylap.Ididn'twanttotouchDonna.
Sheknewit.Shedidn'twanttobetouchedeither.Thehugwe'dgiveneachotherinmy
kitchenthatnight,thekissingwe'ddoneattheOffBroadway,itseemedtobelongin
somebodyelse'slifenow,notmylife.
Isaid,'Whatareyougoingtodo?'ButrightthenIdidn'tcare.Rightthenshecouldhave
diedofaheartattackanditwouldn'thavemeantanything.
'MaybeIcouldgouptoPortland,'shesaid.'TheremustbesomethinginPortland.
Portlandisoneverybody'smindthesedays.Portland'sadrawingcard.Portlandthis,
Portlandthat.Portland'sasgoodaplaceasany.It'sallthesame.'
'Donna,'Isaid.'I'dbettergo.'Istartedtoletmyselfout.Icrackedthedoorandthe
overheadcameon.
'ForChrist'ssaketurnoffthatlight!'
Igotoutinahurry.'Night,Donna,'Isaid.
Shenodded.
Ileftherstaringatthedashandwenttomycar.Isawhermoveoverbehindthewheel.
Thenshejustsattherewithoutdoinganything.Shelookedatme.Iwaved.Shedidn't
waveback.SoIstartedthecarandturnedontheheadlights.Islippeditingearandfed
itthegas.DonnawouldgetherselfhomeOK.

InthekitchenIpouredscotch,dranksomeofit,andtooktheglassintothebathroom.I
brushedmyteeth.ThenIpulledopenadrawer.Pattiyelledsomethingfromthe
bedroomthatIcouldn'tunderstand.Sheopenedthebathroomdoor.Shewasstill
dressed.She'dfallenasleepwithherclotheson.
'Whattimeisit?'shescreamed.'I'veoverslept!Jesus,ohmyGod!You'veletme
oversleep,goddamnyou!'
Shewaswild.Shestoodinthedoorwaywithherclotheson.Shecouldhavebeenfixing
togotowork.Buttherewasnosamplecase,novitamins.Shewashavingabaddream,
that'sall.Shebeganshakingherheadbackandforth.
Icouldn'ttakeanymoretonight.'Gobacktosleep,honey.I'mlookingforsomething,'I
said.Iknockedstuffoutofthemedicinecabinet.Thingsrolledintothesink.'Where's
theaspirin?'Isaid.Iknockeddownmorethings.Ididn'tcare.'Goddamnit,'Isaid.
Thingskeptfalling.