Grace Frideger

Be You, Not You

Who am I? The question everyone strives to answer. But nowadays, maybe its not me
who answers this, maybe its society. Society shapes us, it shapes me. The cycle of socialization
creates a never ending pattern that generates a society filled with people trying to comply to the
accepted norms, the rules and expectations of our world. It affects what group we are part of
whether it be an agent group, a group that has more social privilege and power, or a target group,
a discriminated and victimized group. Everything we learn and think, how we act and talk, judge
and accept, are programmed into us through this cycle. So now Im asking myself, who am I?
Or more importantly, who have I been socialized to be? Society has constructed my view on
what expectations I have for my body, how I benefit from white privilege, and finally, how my
class allows and prohibits me from doing certain things.

Women are expected to follow norms, an accepted way of acting in a society. Women,
are degraded, stereotyped, and discriminated against every day, every hour, and every minute
around the world. Be pretty, be sexy, comply, you need a man, don't question him, you deserved
it, he knows best. As a teenage girl in this crisis, Im affected by it quite a bit. Every day from
the age of 3, Ive heard these sorts of messages, they are thrown at me, continuously. As Jean
Kilbourne, from the video Miss Representation says, Girls get the message from very early on
that whats most important is how they look, that their value, their worth, depends on that. After
11 years of hearing this, its sometimes hard not to believe it. When I don't succeed in looking
like this perfect Photoshop, my self confidence levels tend to plummet. As a consequence, this
cycle contributes to self-image issues, eating disorders, violence, rape, and disrespect. The
average woman monitors her self-image every 30 seconds, Id say I do that every 15. We are
treated as objects, eye candy, not valued as much as men in our society. The other night, for
example, I was walking downtown with 2 other girls and you know how many times we were cat
called, honked at, or whistled at? 14 times. 14. Annoying? Yes. Humiliating? Of course.
Degrading? Absolutely. Is that fair? Is it fair to girls and women to be put in a target group and
discriminated against so heavily over something they have no control over? Definitely not. But
thanks to the cycle, this has become accepted and even expected.


Your skin color decides largely on how you view the world and in turn how the world
views you. Because Im white, Im viewed as privileged and entitled. As a white young woman,
my view of the world is inherently different compared to people of other races. As Peggy
McIntosh states in the article White Privilege, As a white person, I realized I had been taught
about racism as something that puts others at a disadvantage but had been taught not to see one
of its corollary aspects, white privilege, which puts me at an advantage. I have what has been
dubbed white privilege, benefiting from social privileges more that non-white people. Being
white has completely influenced me, my view of the world, where I live, what opportunities I
have, everything. Having white privilege undeniably puts me at an advantage. I automatically am
put above others, receive special treatment, earn more money, more influence, and better
education. Is that equal? No. But, it is so ingrained into our beliefs of society that its become
the norm. What would my life, myself, be like if there was no white privilege? I would have a
different mindset of what is achievable, of opportunity, a whole different state of mind, one that
didn't involve always feeling entitled and of higher rank, a feeling I dont respect, but cannot
control.


Socio-Economic class, something that, like race, affects your success, opportunity,
beliefs and values. Coming from a middle class background, my views are very different from
someone who is not in this category. Being in this class, I know what it is to want but not have
and have but not want. I have and always had fairly good opportunities. For instance, I knew that
I would always be able to afford to play soccer, to buy the uniforms and go to the tournaments.
But it wasn't just a given privilege. I can get places, but not without work. Because of my class,
I live in a middle class house in a middle class neighborhood. My friends are middle class, we
are well off, we live comfortably, we have extra things, and still we don't just throw our money
away. The lower class have a very different view of opportunity. They don't feel like they can
buy success, they cant use money to create possibilities or do the things they are interested in. It
puts them in a mindset that tell them they cant have everything. Not being in the lower class, I
feel that yes, I can do most anything I want. Even so, to put in perspective how much different
the lower and middle class are from the upper class, as stated by the video Wealth Inequality in
America The bottom 80% of America, [poor thru middle class], hold only 7% of all of
Americas wealth. This fact shocked me quite frankly. Right now, I have plenty, so what is it
like for the other 20%? What does society look like to them? How would I view the world if I
were part of that 20? Ive been socialized to envy the people with more money, because
according to the article Cycle of Socialization and society, yes, money talks it screams.
The class system, the classes we are grouped into, have all been created by society, they are an
illusion, created to group people, limit opportunities, and control people. We are controlled by
this cycle, all of us.

Our identity is how we see ourselves because of society. This cycle is creating people
that are increasingly the same, everyone striving to fit into the expected norm, in turn creating
people unhappy with who they are. Gender is no longer simple, its become convoluted,
demanding, and unrealistic. Race influences peoples opinions, their actions, and peoples
mindsets. Socio-economic class sets people up for how far they can go in life, what they can
become, if they are able to prosper. The Article Cycle of Socialization sums it up perfectly,
This cycle has a life of its own, and it doesn't need our active support because it has its own
centrifugal force. It goes on and unless we choose to interrupt it, it will continue to go on. Our
silence is consent. The cycle has created a generation of brainwashed stark people and Ive
become one of them. Lets all change this, lets stop conforming, be who you are, not who you
are expected to be, break the cycle, because if we all do, there wont be a cycle to break. Lets try
to do what the article Cycle of Socialization explains When groups begin to empower
themselvesby learning more about each other, by unlearning old myths and stereotypes, by
challenging the status quowe make the difficult decision to interrupt the cycle of
socialization.

Mask Paragraph
In life, everyone has a mask, everyone hides something, shields it from prying eyes. For
me, making a physical mask really opened my eyes. It really made me look at how much I wear
one. I have been socialized most by gender. So my main focus for mine was gender. I had so
much information I wanted to show, I decided to put my mask on a poster with the mask
centered in the middle. I cut out pictures of all the messages women are fed from media. From
makeup and skin creams to flawless photo shopped faces and bodies. Then, I cutout the phrases I
saw. Flawless skin Find Perfection Become Beautiful Perfection Beauty. I made the
clipping start to crawl up the sides of the mask to represent how these messages our taking us
over, covering up who we really are. We are no longer humans, rather, faceless people, including
me. Because of this, Ive realized I have been influenced through the media on my self-worth,
appearance, and roles on being a woman more than I've realized.