Anthony Nixon-Sandberg

Mrs. Butler
AP Language Arts Composition
October 12, 2014
On Existence

The ultimate question every human must ask themselves is Is this real. Is the shadow
you see just outside of view real? Is the path you choose to guide you through life real? Is life
itself real, or are you simply a puppet bouncing at the strings? It is through this question that I
seek to answer the most important question of all- is there really an invisible pink unicorn
(which, I assure you, is different from a pink invisible unicorn) in space?
The aforementioned question can be proven in a ways one, two, and four. You might ask
yourself about way number three. Stop it now. Way number three is a useless way to prove
anything, and thus will not be further discussed. If you can count, and congratulations if you can-
it is easily one of the hardest things to accomplish, youll notice that there are three ways to
prove the existence of an invisible pink unicorn. Three, if you notice, is a number both greater
than two and less than four, making it the ideal number of ways to prove somethings existence.
The first way is the most simple of them all: logic. The second way involves the very nature of
an invisible pink unicorn, and the fourth way is seen to be the concept of Missing Baryon. The
methods will go in numerical order, thus will start with way number four.
The fourth way proceeds as followed: to understand the basis of the Invisible Pink
Unicorn in space, one must understand that most of space is really quite unknown. This includes
where most of the mass of the universe is- a number around 95% of the known universal mass.
This mass, dubbed both as dark matter and dark energy are really not dark at all- its simply
invisible and pink. This mass is precisely the mass required to make an invisible pink unicorn,
but dont mention it. The unicorn doesnt like people talking about its mass, and steadfastly
declares itself to be big boned. Therefor, it can logically be concluded that the mass makes up the
invisible pink unicorn- as how else would it be so exact in the mass missing?
Method number two asks you (and yes, the method itself is asking you. Dont question it,
for method number two is all knowing) to think on the invisible pink unicorn. It can be clearly
seen that it must be pink, for that is the color all unicorns must be, as the Wave-Particle Duality
caused by the color emitting from pink fur is the only way for magic to properly be transmitted.
Thus it is proved that the Unicorn is both magical and pink, as they confirm each other's base
assumption. As for it being invisible, that can be related to it being big boned. It absolutely hates
when people comment on its frankly impressive mass, thus made itself invisible.
The first method goes as such: How could the invisible pink creature in space be both
invisible and pink, were it not a unicorn? Thus, it can clearly be seen to be a unicorn. How could
the unicorn, who are already be proven to be pink, be invisible if not for the great amount of
mass it possesses, thus causing light to bend around the substantial mass? Thus, it can clearly be
seen to be carry the unknown mass of the universe. If the creature is a unicorn, thus being pink,
invisible, and in space, the premise of the Invisible Pink Unicorn in Space is proven.