12 Bad Auditions

lyrics by Andrew Byrne and Mark Blankenship

With mock holiday cheer q = 120

& b 44

Woman 1:

Voice

Piano

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? b 44

Pno.

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?b
9

On my

Pno.

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key.

On my

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"You

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b
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44

? b b b 43
b

Woman 1:

have to stay",

third, bad au - di - tion, the

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#

& b b b 43

train."

play your song in this

And my

bb

bb

44

can't

43

Man 2:

"No

44

13

"I

temp job said to me,

b

& b b b 43

13

Pno.

& b

sec - ond bad au - di - tion, my

&b

Man 1:

pian -ist said to me,

mu - sic was in the wrong

bad au - di - tion the

On my

b
b

first

&b

key."

Man 1:

bbbb

job,

and my

mus - ic was in the wrong

key.

www.andrewmbyrne.com

43
b bbbbb

Woman 2:

On my

43

Woman 1:

Stu - pid temp

sub-way said to me,

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b bbbbb

12 Bad Auditions

b
& b bbbb

17

fourth

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bad au - di - tion, the

17

Pno.

break-down said

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bb

b
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Woman 1:

Stu-pid temp

b
& b b b b b 44
? b b b b 44
bb

25

&

##

#
& #

? ##

"Don't

# 4
& # 4

30

# 4
& # 4

Stu - pid temp

Pno.

? ## 4
4

job,

and my

No

old"

n nnn nn# #

nOn my

You're

mus - ic was in the wrong

key.

44
44

n nnn nn# #

# n
n n

train

fifth bad au -di - tion, my

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too

43

old.

Man 1:

No

On my

b n b

nn b
bb

N train.

nn b
bb

Man 2:

43

43

44

Woman 1:

key,

Woman 2:

kid."

j
.
.

43

too

43

j
# ..
.

have

Woman 1:

#.
J

Man 1:

30

a - gent said to me,

25

Pno.

"You're

mus - ic was in the wrong

21

Pno.

job, and my

me,

Man 1:

21

to

43

Man 2:

44
44
44

sixth bad au - di - tion, my

nn b
bb

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34

mana-ger said to me,

b
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34

Pno.

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b
&bb

Man 2:

No

b
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39

Pno.

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43

&

bbbb

44

n.
J

Woman 1:

Don't

bb 4
& b b 4
? bb 4
bb 4

n ...
J

have

sev-enth bad au - di - tion, the

47

44

bb 4
&bb 4

Pno.

43

.
.
J

kid.

job,

44

and my

43

43

43

Woman 2:

3
4

You're too old

No

43

Man 2:

N train.

3
4
43

bbb b

You

need new head-shots

Man 2:

On my

Man 1:

"You seem too fag - gy"

3
4

You're too old.

key.

play-wright said to me,

kid

mus - ic was in the wrong

43

Woman 2:

j
n .
..
j
.

have

44

n.
J

Don't

44

Woman 1:

Woman 1:

Stu - pid temp

? bb b
b
47

"You need new head-shots"

44

train.

b
& b b b

Man 1:

43

Pno.

43

43

39

12 Bad Auditions

bbb b
44

44

44

4
4

Man 1:

Stu - pid temp

4
4
4
4

bbb b

Woman 1:

job, and my

12 Bad Auditions

b
& b bb
b
& b b b

mus - ic was in the wrong

key.

? bb b
b

& b 43

"What are you wear-ing?"

56

Pno.

? b 43

& b 43
You're too

old

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61

Pno.

? b 43

66

&

bbb

b
&bb

66

Pno.

? bb

nnn b

44

You seem too fag -gy

43

n.
J

hus-band said to me,

Woman 1:

You need new head-shots

43

44

Don't

44

No N train.

Woman 1:

Stu-pid temp

job, and my

mus - ic was in the wrong

44

44

43

"Now do it top-less."

43
43

43
43

j
n .. 43
.
j
.
43
.

have

4

4
Man 1:

ninth-bad au-di - tion, the dir - ect-or said to me,

eighth bad au - di - tion, my

Man 1:

Man 2:

nnn b

n nb
n

Man 2:

Woman 2:

61

On my

& b 43

56

Woman 2:

52

Pno.

52

kid

key.

bb b

Woman 1:

On my

Woman 2:

bb b
bb b

Man 2:

What are you wear-ing

You seem too fag -gy

b
&bb

Man 1:

71

You

need new head-shots

b
& b b
? bb
b

44

b
& b b 44

Woman 1:

Stu - pid temp

job,

and my

b
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? b b 44
b

80

&

80

Pno.

&

#
#

scene part-ner said to me,

?#
#
&
&

?#

Man 1:

You

85

need new head-shots

j
.
.

43

43

43

44

#.
J

Woman 1:

Don't

44
44

have

# ...
J
.
.
J

kid

key

On my

# n

n nn#
n nn#
n nn#

old

No

N train

44

44

tenth bad au - di - tion, my

Now do it top-less

What are you wear-ing?

You seem too fag-gy

Woman 2:

43
Woman 2:

No

N train,

43

Man 1:

Woman 1:

"Don't fuck-ing touch me"

43

too

44

Man 2:

43

You're

85

Pno.

43

kid.

mus - ic was in the wrong

76

Pno.

Woman 2:

j
n .
..

have

44

Man 1:

76

n.
J

Don't

71

Pno.

44

12 Bad Auditions

Woman 1:

43

Man 2:

44

44

Man 2:

You're too short,

44

12 Bad Auditions

#
& 44

90

Man 1:

Woman 1:

#
& 44
Stu - pid temp

job, and my

90

Pno.

? # 44

b
& b bb

Pno.

? bb b
b

b
& b bb

99

b
& b b b

Pno.

? bb b
b

b b
b

43

You

Woman 2:

Man 2:

Man 1:

old.

No N train.

44

n.
J

44 n ...
J

need new head shots

Don't

44

have

job, and my

Pno.

? b b b 43
b

44

mus -ic was in the wrong

.
.
J

104

Woman 1:

Now do it top-less.

Woman 1:

Woman 1:

Stu-pid temp

Don't fuck -ing touch me,

& b b b 43 44
You're too

b


44

& b b b 43

104

ev-enth bad au - di - tion, the

Man 1:

Man 1:

You seem too fag -gy

n bb b
b

n bb b
b

b
b

43

Man 2:

What are you wear-ing?

On my el

Woman 2:

99

key.

"Let's see some fouet -tes"

n bbbb
Man 2:

43

dance cap-tain said to me

b
& b b b

mus - ic was in the wrong

94

94

key.

43

kid

3
4
43

On my

n #
n

nn nn#

Woman 2:

n
n

nn nn#
nn nn#

12 Bad Auditions

7
Um, I know we gave you 54 pages of sides to learn,
but were only hearing page 9, starting on the high C.
Were looking for a cross between Julie Andrews and
Harvey Fierstein, with more heart, and funnier...

109

&

109

Pno.

&

#
#

twelfth

bad au - di - tion, the twen-ty

?#

#
&

112

Let's see some fouet - tes

112

Pno.

&

?#

#
&

117

Man 1:

You

117

Pno.

&

?#

Don't fuck -ing touch me.

need new head shots

Man 1:

44

Don't

44
44

# ...
J

have

# ...
J
.
.
J

3
4

3
4

Now do it top-less

What

are you wear-ing?

ww
w

W2 on moving line:

kid!
(Don't

Woman 2:

Woman 1:

W1/M2:
M1:
W2:

me

Man 2:

to

one year old cast-ing as -sis-tant said

3
4

have a)

You seem too fag - gy

43
Woman 2:

43

You're too old

43

Man 2:

4
4

Man 2:

No

N train

4
44

12 Bad Auditions

#
& 44

Man 1:

122

#
& 44

temp

Stu - pid

122

Pno.

? # 44

# n
& #
# n
#
tit-ty fuck-ing mus-ic was

Pno.

&

? # n
n

in the wrong

and

my

124

124

job,

ww
ww

W1/M2:
M1:
W2:

cock

ww
ww

suck - ing,

ass

munch - ing,

b b n n n b # b n b n # # n b b n b n n n n # b #
#
key!

ww
ww
ww
ww

b n b n # b n n # w w